Chapter 5

Kate had taken over Martha's seat at the table and Rick was there beside her, watching as she did little more than push the food he'd reheated around the plate with her fork.

Martha was upstairs in her room reading. Alexis was doing her homework. He was alone with Kate and the night was quiet, and everything about it felt palpably familial to him, different and yet right in a way he didn't fear, but rather experienced as a comfort.

"If you don't like it, it's okay. Let me make you something else. Anything you want."

"No, it's good, Castle. It is. I guess I'm just not that hungry."

The problem with the case being over was that with it went the blessing of its distraction, leaving nothing to help cushion the blow, to stand between her and the magnitude of what'd happened, and Rick could already see and hear the effects.

"What are you?" He relieved her of the fork, slid the plate away. "Talk to me."

She sat a moment without saying a word. "I'm tired, Castle."

An idea sprung to mind, and he stood up, offered her his hand. "Come with me. Come on," he nudged when she returned a squint of suspicion. "You'll like this, I promise."

He led her through his bedroom and into his bathroom, told her to sit up on the vanity and relax for a couple of minutes until he returned. When he did, he had a bottle of something tucked under his arm.

"What is that? Or wait, do I even want to know?"

"Shush. I am going to run you a hot bath, which you are going to soak in for as long as you like." He flashed her the bottle of bubble bath he'd borrowed from Martha. "Then, you are going to put on fresh clothes, which yours truly finished washing, drying, and folding for you today while you were off slaying dragons. We'll add that to the list of your debts to me later. After that, sleep."

Rick turned on the water in the tub and let it run to temperature, poured in the bubbles, and then set the bottle on the counter beside her. Without thought, Kate reached out and trailed her fingertips down the front of his sweatshirt like it was a thing she did often, like she hadn't just hours before been afraid a touch far less intimate might crack her wide open.

"I bet the folding part was extra fun with your girl, Scarlett, helping out," she said. "I guess I'll be spending my day tomorrow ironing."

"I see. Funny is what you are."

"Give me ten minutes and then come back and sit with me, keep me company?"

He nodded. "Glass of wine?" When she nodded back, he went and gave her space.

He knocked when he returned, entered with a single glass in hand and a candle shoved into each of the front pockets of his jeans. She was already submerged in the bubbles and their scent had filled the air.

"You're not having any?"

"One-hand wonder, remember? I'm going to need multiple trips for a few weeks." He set the glass beside her, lit the candles. "God, you look beautiful in there. I thought you might prefer softer light." He went for the door again. "Almost ready, promise."

Finally, with a glass for himself and a pillow for the floor, he sat.

"Took you long enough," she teased. "And you're right, Castle. I do like this. Thank you."

Rick took a sip of wine. "Hopefully, it ends better than the last time you were in a bathtub. And you're welcome. Thank you for inviting me to join you. I've missed being close to you when you're naked."

"Missed it, since yesterday? Uh-huh. Well, don't get used to it. These are unique circumstances."

He angled his body back against the wall, kicked out his legs. "You certainly are unique, Detective. And you're going to find a great new place, you know, even better than before. Not that I'm trying to get rid of you. Guests who like to read my books and kiss me out of the blue are welcome here anytime."

A hush fell over the room.

"Can I ask you something?" he spoke into it. Kate's eyes were closed, her body still. She hummed in acknowledgement and he went on. "What did you tell Josh? When you ended things with him that night, what did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth, Castle. I told him I wanted more than that relationship was or ever could be." She popped one eye open. "What you really wanted to ask me was if I talked about you, and the answer is no. What you and I are or aren't is between us and no one else."

She knew him, too.

"Other than Alexis, no one has ever made me think more about the man I'm not than you." He chuckled as soon as it came out of his mouth. "Sorry, I'm sure that probably sounded terrible. I just meant everything about the kind of person you are has always inspired me to want to be better, in my work, for Alexis, for you. I've tried to be, but… I don't know."

Kate felt a knot tighten in her throat and tried to swallow it away. His words could've been hers. She understood them so completely that it was as if she'd heard them in her own voice, yet through his she found even greater sadness in them. That he would believe he wasn't enough, that she hadn't found the courage to tell him he was more than she'd ever hoped to find in another person, made her heart ache.

She slowly sat up, inched her body nearer, rested her chin on her folded arms at the tub's edge. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Okay, but it's kind of a secret question. I have to whisper it, so you have to come closer."

Rick wiggled forward until they were face-to-face in the dreamy candlelight. "You rang?" he said in a goofy voice, but she didn't laugh, didn't even crack a smile. Instead, her mouth sought his, unhurried and gentle, and he met it with equal tenderness.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she said in a breath half his. It was an admission in whisper, one escaped not shared of will.

He pressed his lips against the fingers she had curled around the porcelain. "Stay as long as you want. My robe's hanging on the back of the door when you're done. You can wear it upstairs." He got up, left the pillow and his wine.

"Castle, you don't have to go. That's not-"

"As long as you want," he echoed and pulled the door closed behind him.

xxxx

Rick was sitting at his desk when Kate came out of the bathroom. Accustomed to typing electronic notes when book ideas struck, yet unable to key them with a speed and accuracy that didn't infuriate, given his injury, he was scribbling out longhand a few that'd recently come to mind. As it turned out, that method was exponentially more infuriating.

She stopped in the doorway between the bedroom and the office, caught a glimpse of the scowl on his face in the seconds she had before he noticed her, and wondered if she'd been responsible for putting it there. Those were awful seconds.

"I'd take a picture if I didn't think you'd break my other wrist afterward," he joked, swiveling his chair for a better view. "I think a few of you could fit in that thing."

Kate had wrapped herself in his robe as he'd suggested, and whereas the sweater he'd taken off his back for her the previous night had been far too large for her frame, she was positively swimming in his navy cashmere, so much so that she had the tie at the waist wrapped around hers twice.

"I guess it's only fair that I let you borrow some of my clothes now. You cleaned most of them. See anything you like?"

He slid his pen onto the desk, tilted back. "Yeah," he said, from his expression clearly flashing on something nirvanic, "but it's probably best I keep my thoughts on that to myself." She took a step inside. "How do you feel? Relaxed?"

Her body was, more so, at least. Her mind wasn't, not since he'd left her without any explanation.

"Are you angry with me, Castle?" She wanted to push her hands into the robe's pockets but couldn't find them amidst all the loose fabric. "Did I do something?"

Rick laughed with his eyes. "No, Beckett, I'm not angry with you. How could I be angry with such an adorable blue blob?"

"Stop. You could've just brought me your mom's robe. Even the spots would've been better than this thing."

"I could've, but this is much more fun." He pushed up out of the chair, came around the desk, lowered onto its corner. "Really, I'm not angry," he reiterated earnestly.

"Then what are you, Castle?" she asked, volleying his earlier query back over the net. "Why did you just get up and leave?"

His eyes dropped to the floor, climbed their way back up her body. "I'm tempted, Kate, and that isn't a good thing for me to be if you aren't sure you're ready for it. It seemed like it'd be easier for both of us if I backed away. Trust me. As difficult as it's been for me to be around you all the time, I've gotten really good at that. And please know this isn't some passive attempt at pressure. If we're finally going to do this, I just want us to do this together."

Kate closed their distance, much as he had in the darkness of hours before. "I don't want easy, anymore, Castle, not if easy means I have to try to forget the way I let myself feel this morning or working beside you on the case today or in there just now. I'm sorry if what I said made you think I wanted you to go. The truth is I don't know what I'm doing, Castle, because I've never let myself feel anything like this before."

Rick hooked one of the robe's dangling sleeves with his fingers and gave it a playful tug. "Are you trying to get me to grab you and kiss you this time, Detective, because I could be convinced. As I recall, I did that a few months back, and you were pretty enthusiastic about it."

"Anyone ever tell you that you have a very convenient memory, Castle?"

"You know, I can't remember." He pushed in and lovingly kissed the bandage on her forehead. "Go up and get dressed, get comfortable. I'm going to change, too. If you decide you want to come back down-again, no pressure-know that I'd be happy about that."

Kate left the office knowing she wouldn't be gone long.

xxxx

"I can call my realtor for you if you want. She helped me find this place and the Hamptons house. I'm sure she could find you something."

They were sitting side by side on his bed, had been for the near hour since Kate had returned, and though both wanted to be doing something other than talking, neither had yet made that first move to initiate it.

"Your realtor's commission on one listing is probably more than I make in a year, Castle. I don't think she'd be interested in wasting her time on someone with a cop's bank account. Thanks, but I think I'll just look around for myself."

Rick rolled his head her direction. "You aren't and never could be a waste of time. I won't push it, but if you change your mind, let me know. She'd do it if I asked, happily. And, for what it's worth, I happen to be a fan of your…" He scanned her from head to toe with his eyes. "Bank account. If you decide you'd like some company on your search, I'd like to help."

"Maybe I'll just think about that one for a while and let you know. Your kind of help isn't always the most helpful, Castle." She flipped her palm upright on the bed in invitation, and he responded with his own. "I do appreciate the offer, though." Her fingers closed around his, gave them a gentle squeeze. "You have soft hands," she said, an observation she'd never shared. "I remember thinking that the first time I tried to get rid of you."

"Please, you've never tried to get rid of me." He chuckled at her delusion, and she at his. "You're here, after three years, lying on my bed, with me. If you did try, you suck at it," he said with a smirk.

Kate huffed a familiar huff of exasperation, curled her legs up beneath her. He was so proud. He'd teed it up so perfectly for her. But she wouldn't swing. There would be no punch line.

On her knees, she leaned in for his lips, brushed them with hers in promise. "Together," she whispered and then kissed him as she'd often dreamed it could be, for the first time of forever.