WolfStar

One Kiss

Sirius lays awake at night, the flashes of thunder lighting up the room. He finds the flashes beautiful, the booms so dramatic and forceful and… and he doesn't have words to describe how it all makes him feel.

The flashes illuminate the room but still, it takes a while for his eyes to move from the window. It's the sound of a sharp intake of breath from the next bed - a sound that he quickly realises was hidden by the sound of the thunder in the sky.

He turns his gaze to the next bed. Curled up at the end of the bed, eyes fixed on the window, is Remus, his roommate. But Remus isn't filled with the same awe as Sirius. There's terror in his eyes as he observes the world outside.

Sirius has never discussed the thunder with anyone before, but can't quite understand why Remus is scared. But fear is the clear emotion on his face. He's watching with such panic, that he too hasn't noticed he's the only one awake - just as Sirius has previously been oblivious.

Though he doesn't understand the fear in regards to the thunder, he does understand the gripping hold that fear can cause.

He slips from his bed and moves the few steps between their beds. Remus jumps as Sirius climbs into the bed.

"Sirius?" he whispers.

Sirius considers how small Remus looks. He's the shortest one of the group and always looks ill, but James has already warned him not to mention it, because Remus might be unwell or something. He looks even smaller huddled against the end of the bed.

"Come here," Sirius says. He lays down.

Remus slowly moves up the bed. "What?"

"You don't like the thunder. You're scared of it, so I'm here. I'll sleep here and you'll feel better."

"I'm not scared of the thunder," Remus tells him, frowning slightly, though he does move quickly up the bed, laying down at Sirius' side.

Sirius glances towards the window again. He believes Remus, but Remus is scared of something else, because he's not imagining the fear.

"Whatever scares you, I'm here," he tells him.

"But you've only known me for three weeks," Remus points out. His voice is little more than a whisper.

This is the most he's ever talked to Remus, but something inside of him suddenly feels very protective over his room-mate. Remus needs someone to protect him, and Sirius decides that it's his job.

"Exactly," Sirius tells him. "Go to sleep, okay? You're safe now." He reaches under Remus' pillow, amused when he finds Remus' wand - the same place he keeps his own in his bed - and casts a silencing spell on the windows in the room. It's not enough to drown out the sound, but it feels a little calmer in there.

"Lock them too," Remus whispers softly.

Sirius nods. They're in a tower - what is Remus really that scared of coming through the window?

He doesn't question it. He locks the windows, because he knows sometimes fear is unreasonable and makes no sense.

...oOo…

"You're still awake."

Sirius glances over from his bed, noticing Remus slipping out of his.

"Yeah. What you doing up?"

"I was going to get some water." He gestures to to the little table near the door that has a fresh jug of water on it. "Then the loo."

Sirius nods. He watches Remus through the darkness of the room as his friend moves about.

Remus isn't so small anymore. Six years on and he's the tallest in the dorm now, much to James' chargain.

They're not eleven anymore, and Sirius doesn't want to admit a fear of the dark that has awoken over the Summer.

He's gone through a lot. When he left school at the end of term, Remus wasn't talking to him due to his recklessness with Remus' secret. But when he ran from the cruelty and the hate and the dark, James offered him a home. Remus forgave him though Sirius knows he doesn't deserve it.

He waits. Finally Remus walks back, glancing at Sirius as he heads to his bed.

"You're scared."

"I never get scared," Sirius scoffs, but Remus still comes over, a tiny smile on his lips.

"It's okay to feel scared," he tells Sirius, as he slips into the bed next to him. "It's human to feel fear."

"That's why you feel it sometimes," Sirius murmurs, causing Remus' smile to widen slightly. He waits until Remus settles under the covers and shifts closer. "I don't like the dark."

He doesn't need to say more. Remus knows what Sirius went through, and they're both aware that Sirius doesn't want to talk about it again.

"Well, I'm going to stay here and look after you," Remus tells him. He reaches under Sirius' pillow for the wand and flicks it.

Small, floating lights appear around them. They hear a groan from James' bed and Sirius reaches out to draw the curtains on his side, blocking the light from James' view. He's not really sure why Remus draws the curtains on the other side, but suddenly they're hidden from the world and Sirius' heart races.

Tiny balls of light suspend in the air, lighting up their space. But those aren't what make Sirius feel safe - he feels safe because Remus is there, at his side.

"I'll never betray you again," he begins.

"I've forgiven you," Remus tells him.

"I haven't earned it."

Remus chuckles. "Fine. How about, next time I screw up, you forgive me?"

Sirius nods. He can work with that.

"You have to say it out loud - that you agree. If I… if I mess up, you'll forgive me? Or if I make a fool out of myself?"

"I agree," Sirius tells him. Remus stashes the wand back under the pillow and Sirius watches the nervousness cross his face. Whatever Remus is thinking of doing, it's going to happen now.

He waits.

And waits.

"Remus, out with it," Sirius tells him, getting a little impatient.

"Right. Fine. I… I'm trying to gather the courage to kiss you, but… but.."

Sirius grins. "Luv, if you kiss me, that means you still have one in the bank."

"I… what?"

"Kissing me isn't going to mess anything up," Sirius tells him nervously. After all, he's never kissed anyone - except in the dreams he's had about snogging his best (not James) friend.

Remus smiles softly. "Okay. But… Okay. I lied when I said I kissed Kara last term."

"Oh." Sirius' smile is even wider now. "So, come on, kiss me."

Remus leans in. Sirius' eyes close and he can feel the warm exhale as Remus gathers the courage. This time he waits. He can be patient this time.

Finally Remus' lips press against his, ever so gently, as though Sirius is going to tell him to stop or pull away from him. Sirius does neither. Instead he brings his hand up, his fingers sliding across the back of Remus' neck. He tilts his chin slightly and Remus moves his lips against Sirius'.

It's nothing like the kisses in Sirius' dreams. It's not amazing, it's not intense or practised.

It is it's own brand of perfection, because it's their real first kiss, and the ones in his dreams could never compare.

"We should do this more often," Sirius whispers. "All of the time."

"I'd like that," Remus whispers back. "But just with you."

"Yeah. Just me and you."

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