Chapter 2

It was past midnight when Peter pulled up in front of Alice's house. Her bedroom light was on, so that meant she was already back. I wasn't ready to answer the million and one questions that she would no doubt have for me. I had a few for her, too.

"You've been quiet," Peter commented.

I had hardly said much of anything on the way back home. I had nothing to say. Not to him, anyhow. I still had so many questions for him, and probably would for quite some time.

Before getting into Peter's truck, I had pulled my brown hair up into a low ponytail, tired of it being in my face. I only wore it down because Alice had been the one to pretty much demand that I did. I did draw the line at wearing any type of makeup, other than mascara. To me, that was even pushing it.

"Do you regret going tonight?" he asked. Peter seemed to fear my answer.

"Yes and no," I answered, suppressing a sigh. "I don't regret running into you. But I wish it would have been under different circumstances." I wish I had known he'd be there so I'd have not gone.

I had no idea how to act around him now that I knew what he had wanted. He didn't exactly say he wanted to date me, but he wanted something more than just friendship from me. I couldn't give him what he wanted, and I felt like he was disappointed in it.

I felt like I was a disappointment.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked, sensing that I wasn't going to say more.

"It's Sunday, so I'll be at church most of the day. I have to help with child care." Once a month, I helped in the nursery. It was more of the fact that I wanted a break from having to be looked up to as a model and teacher. With infants, all they wanted was to have someone just sit with them and be content. Most of them had quickly came to know who I was and that alone made it more fun. So many times a child hated the fact that that their parents wanted a few minutes without the worry of taking care of said child.

"Guess I'll see you there, then," he said as I opened the car door.

"See ya later, Peter," I said, giving him a tight-lipped smile before exciting the truck. He stayed parked until I was in the house.

Why did I feel like I did wrong? Why did I feel like I made the wrong choice?

I opened the door slowly, hoping that Alice would be already sleep. Of course, I had no such luck. She was wide awake, sitting in the middle of her bed with bright blue eyes begging me to tell he everything.

Her room was way too bright for my liking. Her pale pink bedspread was the least colorful thing that was in her room. Everything was either pink, purple, or teal. A strange combination, but it fit her perfectly like everything else.

"I don't like that look," she said, giving me a sad look in return. "Come, tell me." She patted the bed beside her.

"I don't want to talk about it," I huffed, kicking off my back flats before falling face down on the bed beside her. At least her millions of blankets she always had on her bed nearly caged me in.

"What happened?" she coaxed. "I was sure you'd be happy to see him there."

"I was," I said, moving so I sat cross legged beside her. "Who was the guy that kissed you?" Hopefully the change of subject would keep her focus off of me.

"Oh, that was Jasper," she blushed, looking down at her lap. "He's the one that was telling me about the auction and encouraged me to go. I've seen him around before, though." Ah, so he was the one that she was most likely talking to online the past few months.

"Looked like you two knew each other well enough."

"We may have been on a date or two the past month," she said sheepishly.

"And you didn't tell me?" I said, sort of hurt that she had kept it from me.

"I didn't want to make it out to be more if it wasn't. I didn't know what you would think about me just jumping into all that stuff right off the bat. But you had to know that I was learning things from somewhere other than online."

"I can't do this right now," I said, my shoulders dropping with defeat.

"Don't be mad, okay. Please, Bella."

"I'm not mad, Alice. Just sad. Sad that I can't just go do whatever like that." Didn't she grasp that actions like this didn't always end up good?

"You could if you tried harder," she muttered. Louder, "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I just wasn't sure how you would take it. But the last time I met up with Jasper, Peter was there. And there was always a vibe between the two of you. I thought you'd hit it off."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I only made a fool out of myself. I won't go do anything like that again."

"Why not? You said earlier yesterday that you thought maybe that was what you needed."

"It's not me. It's not who I was raised to be, Alice." My sorrow and anger filled my very soul as I spoke the words.

"You didn't even give it a chance!" Alice nearly shouted. "How could you know? One time doesn't show you anything."

"Drop it, Alice," I said, pushing myself off the bed and towards the bathroom. I was ready to just go to sleep and get this day over with. I needed to start fresh. "I'm done with that stuff. It's not worth the time or trouble for me to try it again."

"What did Peter say to you? I know you weren't entirely sure about going, but I was sure you'd find it enjoyable once you got past your fear."

"He didn't say anything, Alice," I said. "It's me, not him."

"Don't you dare give me that line," she seethed.

"Drop it, Alice. I tried and failed. That lifestyle is not my life." With that, I shut the door to the bathroom much softer than I really wanted to.

I slid to the floor, my back to the door as my heart pounded in my chest. Tears stung my eyes as I fought my emotions.

I thought I was over all this teenager emotional crap. I was eighteen and I should be able to control these things better. I wasn't a child. I was an adult. So why was all this effecting me so much? Why couldn't I just keep on going?

It had to do with Peter, it just had to. I was fine until I noticed it was him. He messed up my thoughts, my emotions, every time he was nearby. He made me act like someone I didn't know. That alone told me I had to put a stop to anything and everything that had to do with him. That was the only way I'd be able to figure out what I was meant to do and who I was as a person.

Once I got my emotions under control and washed my face, Alice was asleep on her side of the bed. I quietly made my way to the other side of the bed and slipped in. I knew my thoughts wouldn't really allow me to sleep, but I closed my eyes and hoped that everything would make sense in the morning with a new day.

I had to have hope that things would look brighter. I had nothing else to hope for.

000

The next morning, after getting very little sleep, Alice and I arrived at church. The smell of coffee wafted out of the open doors from the Café Shop that was located at the entrance of the building. People mingled in and out of the doors, talking and catching up from the week they have had.

Some of these people came early just that purpose. They didn't get time to talk to the community members except for Sundays since so many people lived busy lives and even worked outside of the town's limits.

More times that I wanted to count, I had been here to set up and make the entire building ready to go for the early risers. I hadn't minded doing so, as it had given me time to be by myself lost in thought. I liked this building, as it felt like my second home most of the time.

When I was just a toddler, the church had been destroyed by a tornado, and they rebuilt a simple building in it's place. Over the years, more space had been added on to create more space as our small town grew.

"You have to meet Jasper, though. I think you'll really like him," Alice said from beside me as we entered the church.

"I'll meet him when you bring him home to meet your parents," I said, knowing that would be months away. Alice's parents were more lax on who she dated than my parents ever would be, but that didn't mean she'd bring home a boy she hardly been around.

"You make it sound like he's a dog," Alice said.

"You are the one that said it."

Alice lightly hit me in the shoulder as we both laughed at my remark. "Hey now."

My laugh and smile faded instantly as we came to complete stop. Feet in front of us stood Peter Whitlock. His hands were stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans. His eyes were pleading with me.

Pleading for what, I wasn't sure. If he was worried about me saying anything about last night, he didn't need to worry. There was no way I'd ever willing say anything about what went on between us then or even now.

"Peter," Alice said in greeting.

"Alice," he said. "Bella."

"I'm glad you've came back," Alice said as I tried my best to look anywhere but at the man before me.

"I'm happy to be back," he replied easily.

"I'm gonna go see if my parents are here yet," Alice said before walking off, leaving me alone with this man. This man that I had no clue what to say to.

"How you've been?" he asked, his voice quiet as he looked at me.

"Fine," I shrugged.

It felt as if last night hadn't happened, but at the same time it was as if we had left off in a horrible place. At least I wasn't the only one lost on how to act.

"You look tired," he said.

"I take it you and Alice stayed up too late watching movies again?" Mom asked as she wrapped me in a one armed hug. "It's great to see you, Peter."

"You too, Mrs. Swan," Peter said.

I knew without looking that my mom had her best skirt and shirt on, her hair pinned straight to her shoulders and make-up perfect. It was the same as always. Being the preacher's wife, she had to uphold her position in the church. Or so she had said when I'd asked a few years ago. When thing had seemed so simple, anyhow.

"I wasn't sure you'd come today," Mom went on. "You mother said you've had a tough time adjusting back to being here."

How long had he been back for?

"I'm home and adjusting just fine. Mom just worries too much," Peter said on a laugh.

"Glad to hear. You'll have to stop by sometime for some of Bella's famous cookies," Mom went on. "Or come to the bake sale later this week."

Oh, yeah. I had forgotten I was to make my so called famous cookies for the bake sale that the church put on ever spring.

"I'll certainly be sure to stop by," Peter said, giving me a look that said he'd do just that. "I better go say hello to some of these people that I know."

He nodded his head before leaving. It was moments later my mom whispered, "I'm glad he's back, but be careful around that boy. The war changes people."

That it certainly did.

"I'll be fine."

"I have no doubt you will," Mom said, pressing a kid to the side of my head before making her way to greet someone else that caught her attention.

With one last glance at Peter as he smiled and laughed at someone that he was talking to, I made my way to the infant care room.