Hey guys, I've had a lot of time this week to write and a lot of inspiration. I just wanted to write a little note here to say once again thank you, thank you to everyone following, liking, commenting and reading.

Also just a little warning this chapter has a heavy section, well two actually. The first one is in Italics towards the end and is a scene of abuse, the second is at the end of the chapter and there is a Trigger word used.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pushing the door open he stepped out into the brisk winter air, the last week of February bringing with it a bitter wind, the city had been blanked in a white coat of thick snow which although was not unusual for the time of the year, it had certainly caught him off guard the first time he had left the hospital. The man having been used to the slightly warmer temperatures the weather had given them recently, but after all that time inside the hospital he had to admit he really didn't know much about what was happening in the world outside the building behind him, he'd been so focused on Stella, so focused on her waking up and then in the days since she had making sure she was ok, he hadn't really concerned himself with much of the outside world. The man only knowing the small amounts of information he'd read in the papers he would religiously get first thing. Regardless the cold was a shock to the system, and he silently cursed himself for not grabbing his jacket. Not that he'd given himself much time to think really, he'd heard them out, heard what they deemed fit for his punishment and he'd fled, the firefighter needing some time to wrap his head round everything.

"Severide we're ready for you." Commissioner Grissom said, the man standing tall in the doorway.

Kelly's head snapped up at the sound of his father's friends voice, not only was the man in front of him his bosses, boss, but he was a long time family friend. The man in front of him knowing him longer than anyone in the room, the only other person on par with their history was the Chief. Grissom, Benny and Boden all coming up through the department together, the three men seeing Kelly grow up. But despite the history between them Severide couldn't get a read on the commissioner, his expression blank and unfaltering. Kelly looked between Boden and Grissom, his palms suddenly sweaty with nerves, his chief giving him a strong nod before either of them made an attempt to follow the head of CFD.

Slowly he made his way back to the seat he'd sat in before, his eyes glancing around the room at the several blank faces watching him. Usually he prided himself on being able to read a situation but today he had nothing, he couldn't get a read on any of them. His gut was telling him nothing and the feeling, the unknown was unsettling to him. More unsettling than he would care to admit but he knew soon he'd be finding out, here soon in this room he'd find out what his impulse, what his need to protect his friend, his need to show that man what it felt like for someone to hit them felt like had cost him.

"Lieutenant Severide" Chief Grissom said, his deep voice piercing through his unsettled thoughts.

"Commissioner" Kelly responded his eyes coming up to meet the mans in front of him.

"We have discussed this at great length and while we all understand the urge... the need you felt to protect your friend and fellow firefighter we cannot and will not accept or tolerate violence of any kind from anyone in our department, especially one in your position. You are a officer, and at such a rank you should be able to control your instincts and urges. There is no excuse for hitting a civilian, for hitting anyone and by your own admission that is what happened on the night in question. You not only hit Grant once, you repeatedly hit him after he had fallen to the ground. Now we understand why you did it, and as people we understand. I want to make that very clear, as human beings we completely get why you did, what you did. But with that being said we cannot let this slide. I understand you have been cautioned formally by the police and have received a fine?"

"I have sir."

"Very well. With all that taken into consideration, with what happened after the events outside Molly's we have settled on a suspension."

"Ok" Kelly cut him off the man desperate to just get it over with. "How long?"

"Kelly, you need to understand that we should be stripping you of your rank, but with everything that has and had happened we decided that was not warranted but I need to make it very clear to you that under any other circumstances you would be losing your bludge, you would no longer be in charge of squad three. This is serious Lieutenant, very serious. There were a lot of witnesses, firefighters, CPD officers and civilians were all there that night, they all saw what played out, and they can't see a officer be doing that. Not ever again, do you understand?"

"I do sir" Kelly said the nerves he was feeling increasing the longer the commissioner beat around the bush, he knew how serious this was, he wasn't naive to it, he'd come in here fully expecting them to throw the book at him. Hell if it had been any of the firefighters under him he would have expected nothing less. Combat unbecoming was a serious charge and he knew that whatever suspension they gave him now would be getting off lightly to what he would have been facing if the circumstances had been different. "How long?"

"Thirty days" Commissioner Grissom spoke, the man receiving a short nod in response. "You will be suspended for thirty days with no pay. I'm sorry Kelly, but it's the way it has to be. We can't be seen to be being soft with you and like I said we really should be stripping you of your rank. But we agreed that thirty days was appropriate given the circumstances.

Severide pushed himself up out of his seat his hand reaching out across the table as he shook the man in front of him hand. "Thank you. Is that all? Am I free to go?"

"You are."

Without saying another word he'd walked out of the room, his feet bringing him out here, out into the cold. He just needed a minute, he just needed to calm himself, to process what had just happened. He knew he'd gotten off lightly, thirty days was nothing to what they could have given him. His thoughts went to the time Joe had been involved in a incident at a bar, the young firefighter doing some security work on the side. His circumstances had been a lot different, the man only doing his job but unfortunately for him someone had been injured in the process. The man he had been trying to escort outside falling flat on his face, Joe landing on top of him and although the whole thing had been an accident, he'd received a ninety day suspension. Severide knew he was lucky, really lucky, their was nothing more about it. Joe Cruz wasn't a ranking officer and they'd thrown the book at him, he didn't quite understand how he hadn't.

Before he knew it his feet had taken him down the road, the man suddenly outside cafe him and Matt had been in the day Stella woke up. He didn't know why he'd come here, he didn't even think it was a conscious decision, he needed some air, he needed some time but he wasn't planning on leaving the hospital completely. But now that he was here it seemed silly not to have a coffee at least, if anything it may help him clear his mind, gather his thoughts before he had to go and have the difficult conversation with his friends. He wasn't sure if the chief would have said anything to them, the man mentioning something earlier about wanting to check in on Kidd before he left today. The man not having seen her yet, the chief saying how he just needed to see her with his own eyes to believe she was ok. And at the time Kelly had, had ever intention of going upstairs with him, going back to the room Stella was in and explaining everything to her but he couldn't, he didn't know what to say, or how to word it. That had been the thing keeping him from talking to her about it all this time anyway and now he had the consequences of his actions to deal with he really didn't know where to begin.

He could hear laughing coming from behind the curtain drawn around the bed, the man pushing the door open slowly as he knocked. "Am I ok to come in?" he asked, stopping just inside the doorway.

"Chief is that you?" Stella asked, recognizing his voice immediately.

"Yeah, can I come in?"

"Of course" she said, the woman indicating to Gabby to open the curtain up. There wasn't any need for it to be closed now she was awake anyway and she wasn't really sure why it still was.

"Hey" he said, his eyes tracing up and down her body, the man taking in the sheer amount of casts, bandages and marks littering her skin. "You look like you've been through hell" he spoke honestly. His truth earning him a gentle smile from the firefighter lay before him.

"I've been better I must admit, but I'm ok. I'm a bit banged up but it's nothing that won't heal over time." She wasn't sure how much the Chief knew but if the sad look in his eyes told her anything it was that he at least knew the reason she was here and if she wasn't much mistaken she would hazarded a guess at that he knew this hadn't been the first time. "Come on chief don't give me that look."

"Sorry" he said sitting himself down next to her, "I just..." he cut himself off, Boden rubbing his hand across his face as he tried to think what to say. It was obvious to him that his firefighter had been through hell and back, if what he had been told by Casey and Dawson had given him even the smallest bit of indication, seeing her there in the bed in front of him only confirmed his worst fear. That she had been put through the ringer, that she'd become so accustomed to being hurt that it didn't phase her anymore. "I just wasn't expecting so many bandages and casts." he said his eyes moving towards the Captain and PIC sat the other side of the bed.

"I had some old injuries that I decided to get seen to, you know as I'm already stuck here and everything." she said lightly.

"And how are you feeling?"

"At the moment I'm ok, but I'm pretty sure that's mostly due to the amazing painkillers they've got me on." She joked, earning a weak smile from Boden, Gabby and Matt sharing a look that wasn't completely missed by the other two people in the room.

Stella has been doing it a lot since she woke up from her coma, the woman making jokes at every given moment she could and it was something that was beginning to worry them both immensely.

"That's good to hear, and do you know how long you've got to stay here for?" He asked, the man trying to get a feel for just how long a road his firefighter was going to have. The man already aware that a relief firefighter was picked out and ready to go for a length of time if needs be.

"I'm not altogether sure, I have a week of antibiotics left for the sepsis infection I got in the first surgery, but apart from that I have no idea what the plan is. I know Dr Johnson said she expects it to be at least a couple of months before I'm back swing the halligan around again. But don't worry chief as soon as I'm able you'll have me back, causing trouble with good old Dawson here." She said winking at her friend.

"Kidd you can have all the time you need, this, everything you need to deal with it's not going to just go away once the visible injuries do." Boden said, his voice low and controlled, the man trying to keep a sense of professionalism "there is no time limit on how long this is going to take, their is no rush to getting back at it."

"I'm good Chief I promise. Everything with Grant it's in the past, I'm not going back to him. It's over."

Everyone could tell she truly believed her words, she wasn't just trying to deflect, she honestly believed that the whole thing was done with. That because he'd been arrested and charged for the assault that landed her here that there was nothing left to discuss, nothing left to work through. Nothing left to deal with, and the thought of her denial left them all feeling a little unsettled. Dawson especially knowing first had what damage an abusive relationship could leave behind, the PIC having had a couple of rough ones herself, nothing like Stella had of course, but a few not so good men had crossed her path over the year. And she knew that getting over that and allowing yourself to move past it took a lot more than just leaving their sorry asses. Of course it was a good step, it was the first step in many to becoming a new person again, and she was sure with some time and some help Stella would get there, but the way she'd seen her cut herself off from those all important emotions and feelings she needed to work through scared her because if anything the way she was dealing with, well more avoiding than dealing with, the situation would only leave her more vulnerable and exposed if Grant tried anything.

It wasn't that anything had happened, in fact the opposite thing had happened, the man having seemed to listen to the police warning and having stayed away. She wasn't sure if it had been the early police presence at the hospital, her room being guarded round the clock until they had taken him into custody or if it was just the sheer fact and weight of what he had done but he'd stayed away, he hadn't made even the smallest attempt to contact her. But something about the radio silence made Dawson all the more nervous, the paramedic having a gut feeling that he wasn't quite finished with Stella Kidd.

"Earth to Gabby" Stella's voice broke through her thoughts, the paramedics eyes snapping back into focus to see everyone staring at her. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good." she brushed them off, her eyes meeting her husbands, the man giving her a knowing look. The look that told her he could read her like a book, and that she was anything but good. "Sorry what were you saying?"

"Chief asked if you wanted anything from the cafe?" she said again.

"Errr no thank you. I'm errr, I'm just going to go get some fresh air." She said excusing herself from the room.

Kelly walked slowly back from the cafe, the warmth from his coffee soon disappearing when he got outside, the man moving quickly in the attempt to get back inside the warmth soon. He wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd finished up with the CFD, the events of the afternoon playing over and over again in his head as he walked round the corner towards the front of the building. His body colliding with someone else, his hands reaching out almost immediately to secure the woman in front of him. She looked as deep in her own head as he did.

"Gabby?" he said the shock of seeing her outside evident in his slightly higher than usual pitched voice. "What's wrong?"

"Oh it's nothing I'm good, I just needed some fresh air for a minute. I left Chief and Matt with Stella, she's good" she said answering his unspoken question.

"Ok" he said slowly, the man wrapping his arm around her shoulder and directing her toward a bench underneath the hospital cover, "you wanna talk about it?"

"What?"

"Whatever it is that has you looking so concerned" he said sitting down, Dawson taking that as an indication she should too.

Taking a deep breath she began to explain her concerns, explain how seeing Stella make joke after joke was causing this uneasy feeling to rise up inside her, and how she wasn't sure what to do about it. "I'm worried about her Kel. I know we all are, but I know first hand what ignoring everything can do and I don't want that to happen to her. It only make you more vulnerable, more open to the same things that landed her right here happening again. I think she thinks it's over, that the hard bit is done. But it's not, this is just the start and she needs to see that otherwise she'd going to hit the ground hard when it all comes crashing down again."

"I know." Kelly said, his hand coming up to rub across his mouth. "I asked her to come stay with me."

If Gabby had been shocked or taken off guard by his comment she didn't show it, the woman only giving him a small smile and nod in response.

"She can't go back to her apartment and she doesn't really have anywhere else to go. I have a spare room so I told her to come stay with me but I've been having some doubts." He admitted. The firefighter voicing or the first time the thoughts that had consumed him in the early hours of the day, when he'd sat watching her sleep, when sleep wouldn't come for him. When the quietness and darkness of the hospital had sent his mind racing, the man thinking over his impulsive decision. "I love her Gabby, well at least I think I do." He saw the look she gave him, the unimpressed look at his conflicting words.

"Don't give me that look, I do have feelings for her but I haven't experienced this before. I'm not you, I'm not Casey, I'm not someone who falls in love. I like things to be easy and for them to be uncomplicated and this, this is anything but that."

"Kelly, you have got to get it clear in your head before you tell her any of this, she's been through enough. You can't do this to her, you can't tell her your true feelings if you aren't one hundred percent certain in your own mind."

"I know, but I can't just withdraw the offer now" he argued, the man getting more and more frustrated as he tried to convey his thoughts to her.

"I'm not saying you have to, but the little kisses, the constant holding of her hand. All the boyfriendy things you've been doing, they have to stop if you aren't sure, if you don't know for certain that you are all in, they have to stop. You can't confuse her, you can't give her mixed messages and you certainly can't tell her you love her and then go all Kelly Severide on her and break her heart. I won't watch someone else crush her like that, and I swear Kelly if you do I'll kick your ass so hard my foot will come out of your mouth."

"I won't" he said shortly, his gaze narrowing in on her, the man seeing the feisty look she so often gave people shining back at him, the classic Gabby Dawson look that everyone knew to mean she was serious, the don't mess with me or I'll do you serve damage look. "I don't want to... I won't hurt her Gabby, I promise you that."

"Yeah you better not." she said her narrowed gaze still on him.

"What happened with Antonio?" she asked after a few tense minutes.

"A formal warning and a fine. One hundred and fifty dollars."

"That's not too bad is it?" she questioned, the look flashing across his face not going unmissed.

"No not really, but erm... CFD they.. well they weren't as forgiving."

"What? I didn't think they knew? Matt said.."

"I know but they were here too, your brother he'd arranged or me to give my statement here instead of down at the station, which I was initially thankful for until I heard CFD were here to talk to me too. He said he tried to keep it from getting back to them but you know as well as I do they were always going to find out."

"I do, I just wish we'd had some heads up to it. At least then you wouldn't have been ambushed by it all at once."

"It's fine, in all honesty I'm glad it was all dealt with at once. This way is better, it means I don't have to keep having it hang over my head. But now I have the new issue of telling Stella. She doesn't know that the CPD wanted to talk to me about Molly's, she doesn't have any idea about the CFD or anything. She is going to be completely sidelined by it, and I know I should of told her, I know you and Matt said I should but..." he cut himself of, the man worrying about the huge mess he'd inadvertently caused himself.

"It'll be ok, she'll understand why you didn't tell her. But Kelly you've got to tell her, today. She's worried. When you left with Antonio she had so many questions about where you were going and why, and although I didn't tell her anything I shouldn't, I got the sense she knows something more is going on."

"That wouldn't surprise me" he replied, his eyes coming up to meet hers. His whole demeanor telling her there was more to his words than just a hunch.

"What makes you say that?"

"Before Antonio arrived this afternoon she asked me to read the paper to her. She said, she liked it when I did that."

"But... but you only ever.." Dawson's words trailed off as her brain caught up to the meaning of his words. "She could hear us?" She asked.

Kelly nodded his head, "She said she can't work out what was real and what wasn't but she knew about me reading the paper to her and the only way that would have happened was if she could hear me, if even in just her subconscious she knew what was going on around her."

"God" Gabby said, her hand running through her hair as she spoke, "Do you think, do you... did she hear everything?"

"I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me if she heard more than even she realizes at the moment. We didn't get that far before Antonio arrived, she was just about to tell me more about it when he got there."

A tense silence fell over them, as they both thought over everything that had been said at the woman's bedside, all the things they had discussed over that time she'd lay there unconscious, all the time they didn't think she could hear them, that entire time she'd been hearing what they said, she'd been taking in everything that had happened. And that would have included the day Erin and Antonio had turned up in the hospital telling them all that Grant was pressing charges against Kelly, the day Gabby had kicked off at her brother before effectively throwing him out of the hospital room, telling him not to come back until he had an update. She would have heard all those bitter words spoken, Kelly's admission of hitting Grant, and the confession of him doing it again if he ever got the chance.

"So you got a warning and fine hey?" she said, her quiet voice snapping him back into real life.

"Yeah, then I had to go up against the board of CFD heads."

"What did they say?" She asked, unsure she wanted to really hear the answer but knowing that she would find out before long anyway.

"Grissom said I'm lucky to not be losing my rank, he said they should be stripping me of it after the charges filed against me. He said if the circumstances had been different they would have."

Gabby's face must have shown the shock she was feeling when Kelly continued.

"But I didn't and to be honest I'm not even sure how I didn't. I don't know if Grissom pulled rank, or the family card or what but I'm still in charge of squad three. Well more I will be once I've served out my suspension."

"How long is it?"

"Thirty days."

"What?" Gabby said the shock and anger in her voice coming out as she stuttered the word out. "That's outrageous! Kelly you gotta fight it!"

"No, I'm not fighting anything. Thirty days is nothing to what I should have received, I mean Cruz got ninety and he didn't even do anything wrong. His situation was an accident and they threw the book at him, I got off lightly. I'll serve my thirty days and then it'll be done."

"Are they at least going to pay you?" She asked hopefully.

"No. It's a full suspension, thirty days unpaid."

"Kelly" she began, her mouth opening to argue once again how unfair this whole thing was but he cut her off, the man shaking his head as he spoke up again.

"No Gabby, I'm not fighting it. Besides it means I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands to help Stella get back up on her feet. Talking of which maybe we should get back inside, I don't know about you but I'm absolutely freezing my bits off out here."

Gabby laughed as she pushed herself up from the bench, the two first responders walking back into the warmth of the hospital stopping by the cafe before heading back up to the forth floor.

Stella rolled her neck out as she walked under the gentle stream of water, she'd had a long day at the academy and all she wanted to do was wash off the days events and chill out. Her aching muscles slowly relaxing the longer she stood there. It had been one of those days, one of those non stop from start to finish. It wasn't unusual and she knew that once she passed the firefighters physical next week and got put into a house for her candidacy the days would be longer and harder but still her body screamed at her to just get some rest. Spend the night doing nothing more than lifting a few beers to her lips and eating take out food.

"Stella?" his voice boomed through the apartment "Stella you here?"

"In the shower" she shouted back her head poking out of the curtain slightly, just as he came into view. "Hey."

"Hi how was your day?"

"Long, we were doing drills non stop and man I ache."

"Well when my girl insists on saving the world there's going to be a price to pay." Grant smiled back at her. Things between them had been good recently, she was happy about that, he'd even gotten himself a job downtown in a garage doing mechanics on cars and trucks. It wasn't much but it made him happy and in turn that made her happy.

"I'm not saving the world Grant" she said rolling her eyes at him, the woman moving back under the stream of water to wash the shampoo out of her hair. "How about you? How was work?"

"It was good, Johnny says the boss is happy with my work. So yeah it's going well. Actually he asked me if I wanted to join him and a few of the guys tonight, they do this weekly poker night asked me if I wanted to join."

Stella paused for a moment, his words washing over her "Grant" she said carefully, her tone cautiously quiet.

"What? It's just a few beers and poker?"

"Grant you can't just have a few beers, you know that. You're an addict."

"God Stella you make it sound like I'm going to be snorting coke off some bitches chest all night!" He snapped, his tone suddenly sharp and dangerous.

"I'm not saying that, I'm just saying..."

But her words were cut off as the shower curtain ripped open, his face stone cold in rage. "I'm not asking your permission!" he snapped again.

She instinctively took a step back, her body hitting the wall behind her as she tried to put distance between herself and him. "Ok" she whispered.

"What?"

"I said ok, go if you want to go you should go." Her words came out quickly, her mind racing of all the right things to say. She knew that was the only way to avoid a scene, he wouldn't get mad if she just gave in and let him go. Although it went against everything she knew about the program, he wasn't supposed to go to environments that could tempt him and a poker game with endless amounts of alcohol and god knows what else available was never going to be a place for Grant, not if he wanted to stay sober. And as much as she wanted to tell him that, she knew she couldn't, if she told him that he'd get mad and when he got mad there was no telling what he'd do to her. So instead she just stayed quiet, quiet as he stared her down, quiet as he climbed into her shower, quiet as he turned her around and pinned her up against the wall. She didn't utter a sound as the silent tears ran down her cheeks, the man doing whatever he wanted with her, there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say that would stop him so instead she stayed quiet.

She heard he grunt behind her, the indication that he'd finished what he'd come into the shower to do, he'd got what he wanted. She felt his body loosen against hers, his muscles relaxing behind her as he pulled out and left her there. Her face squashed against the cold unforgiving wall, she stood frozen in place, the horrible feeling inside her increasingly by the second. She could hear him moving around the bedroom, she heard him open and close the closet before returning to the bathroom. All while she remained where she was, she had no sense of time, no sense of anything as she focused on his movements. The man chuckling slightly when he saw her stood there still.

"What's wrong babe? Was that not good for you?" He asked, the smug look on his face never faltering. "Did you not enjoy yourself? Because damn girl I did!"

His words felt like punches to the stomach, every sarky phrase making her feel sick the longer he stood there, his eyes tracing up and down her body, the body he'd just violated, the body he'd used like it was just a piece of meat to him, that she was nothing than a toy. The man behind her making her skin crawl as she felt him watching her. Slowly she turned around and pulled the curtain back across, she needed a minute, a minute without his eyes on her.

"Well anyway I'm off, don't stay up." He stated cheerfully as he left the room, the door closing behind him as he left through their front door.

Stella slid down the wall of her now ice cold shower, the sobs taking over her body as she screamed, screamed in frustration and pain, her heart hurting as the events of what just happened washed over her.

"Stella, Stella."

Her eyes shot open, the woman taking a few minutes to realize where she was. The blinding lights of the hospital beaming down above her, looking to her side she found his eyes, his bright green eyes shining at her.

"What happened?" She asked, the woman scared of why he'd woken her up.

"You were screaming in your sleep, and sobbing. You kept shouting no, and then you made this noise, this noise like you were in immense pain."

Stella closed her eyes, the firefighter turning her head away from him. The shame she felt that day ringing out again as she realized that this was far from over, if that dream was anything to go by, she'd got a lot to talk about, a lot to work through and right now she couldn't deal with any of it, right now she just wanted to forget. Forget about what had happened, and forget about the dream. If she didn't talk about it she wouldn't have to deal with.

"Stella are you ok?"

I'm fine Kelly, I just want to go back to sleep."

"Ok, we can do that" he agreed quietly. Although he wanted to fight her on it, he knew from her short interaction with him that now wasn't the time. She wasn't in the right frame of mind and it was late. He'd talk to her about it and soon but not tonight.

He watched as she settled herself back on her pillows, her hand reaching out towards him her finger tips the only part of her hand he could feel through the cast but it didn't matter to him, she was reaching out for him and he would hold onto her for as long as she needed him to.

"You sleep, I'll be right here" he whispered, her breathing already evening out, her body succumbing to the exhaustion she felt.

"... With that being said I want you to get up and out of that bed today Stella." Dr Johnson said, the doctor had been doing her morning check in for the last half an hour, checking over Stella's scans and making sure she wasn't too uncomfortable, Stella having told her she slept pretty well last night and she was looking forward to having a decent meal today, the woman glancing towards Kelly and smiling. She'd woken up this morning with a want, well she'd said a need for an egg muffin, something which Kelly had agreed to go and get her as soon as morning rounds were done.

"So I can take her out for a little bit, maybe down to the canteen?" Kelly asked.

"You can, in fact I think taking a walk in the gardens might even be a good idea, get some fresh air into those lungs of yours." She said, the Doctor smiling widely at the smile spreading across Kidd's face.

"That sounds good. But I'm not going anywhere until I get my egg muffin!" She teased her eyes narrowing in on Kelly.

"I said I'd go get you one and I'm going to ok?"

"You better."

"Ok, well I'm all happy with everything this morning, I'll check in later but just keep doing what you're doing and we'll see if we can get you home by the end of next week ok?"

"Thanks Dr Johnson, seriously thank you for everything." Stella said, her honest words bringing another smile to the Doctor's face.

"I'm just doing my job" She said, the older woman placing a hand on the firefighters leg. "I'll see you later Stella, Kelly."

The night had been a long one for Kelly, the man struggling to relax enough to sleep after Stella's nightmare. The man having so many questions about what had happened and even more about her reaction afterwards. She had shut down almost instantly, the moment he'd mentioned her muttering and screaming in her sleep she'd shut down, like she was embarrassed, embarrassed that he had seen her like that. But he wasn't phased, as far as he was concerned she had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

"I'll go grab you the muffin now shall I?" he teased, Stella laughing at him as she watched him walk away.

The cool air whipped round her as they walked through the rows and rows of planters outside, the small hospital courtyard peacefully quiet as most people sheltered inside. The snow had stopped but there was still a blanket of it lingering behind, the cooler air not doing much to help melt it.

"Kelly" Stella said, her voice drifting back to him as he pushed her wheelchair towards a bench, the man putting the breaks on before settling himself down on the seat.

"Yeah?"

"You never did tell me what Antonio wanted yesterday."

Kelly felt his stomach drop, he knew she was going to ask at some point and he had meant what he said to Dawson about telling her when they got upstairs. He had planned on doing it when they returned to her room, but she was sleeping. And according to Matt she'd been that way since Dawson had left the room, shortly followed by the chief, the woman saying she was tired and asking if he minded, to which of course he had said no. And after that they'd been a steady flow of people in and out to visit, almost every member of fifty one swinging by at one time or another, everyone wanting to lay eyes on her, to see for themselves that she was ok. Before he'd known it, it had been nine o'clock and the doctors were demanding she got some rest.

"Yeah I know, I mean't to I was going to."

"What is it Kelly?"

"Grant pressed charges against me" he blurted out. There was no easy way to tell her, he just had to rip the bandaid off, lay it all out on the table, tell her everything he had been accused of. Everything that had happened the day Antonio had originally come by to speak to him, he told her everything.

"...So CPD they gave me a warning and a fine, which I suppose they kinda had to. There wasn't much they could do, Voight he didn't have to let me off that easy but I suppose the pressure he was getting from the ivory tower was too much. He had to do something, and in the grand scheme of things it was the best outcome I could have expected."

"And the CFD, what did headquarters say?"

"How did you know headquarters were involved?" he asked.

"Boden was here, and he may or may not have said something about a meeting he had to attend downstairs. I'm assuming that was something to do with you yes?"

"It was."

"And?"

Severide took a deep breath the man knowing that telling her what had happened with headquarters was going to make her mad, but if he didn't tell her she'd find out, sooner or later she would. She'd wonder why he wasn't going to shift. For now he'd be able to play it off because she was in the hospital, in fact this morning he had done just that. But when she finally got released she was going to find out and if he hadn't told her before than the anger she was going to feel wasn't just going to be directed at the CFD and Grant. It was going to be aimed at him for his lying, and for his keeping this from her for so long. "They suspended me." he said, her face not giving anything away to what she was thinking.

"Kelly! I'm sorry."

"What? What for? This isn't your fault."

"It was my battle, you only got into a fight with him because of me, if I hadn't asked you for help that day."

"Stella look at me!" he said his voice firm and strong. "This?" He asked waving his hand in the air. "None of this is your fault, my suspension, the warning, the fine it's not on you. It's on Grant and it's on me. I'm a officer, I shouldn't have done what I did in front of witnesses, I'd do it again, in a heart beat I would. But it is not your fault."

"But..."

"No Stella! It isn't your fault."

"How long?"

"Thirty days."

"You've got to be kidding" Stella said, the firefighter overcome with anger.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter. And plus it gives me more time to help you recover."

"But thirty days Kelly, thirty days is a whole lot of shifts."

"I know, but it doesn't matter to me. The only thing that I'm concerned about it you, you and your recovery. Starting with that nightmare last night to be more specific." He narrowed his gaze, watching her carefully as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"It was..." she cut herself of not wanting to discuss this but knowing that he wasn't going to let it drop, not now he'd brought it up. He'd refrained all morning, he'd let her go back to sleep without pushing her last night but now, now he wanted to talk and he wasn't going to let her deflect from her issues. Not anymore, not like she had repeatedly over the past few months, not like she had every single time he'd read her like a book and seen through her bullshit.

"Come on, you can tell me anything you know that. No judgement, just support."

"It was about a year ago, he'd got this job at a garage and he came home from work, I was in the shower. He said one of the lads at work had invited him to poker night and I didn't want him to go. He.. he got mad. Said he didn't need my permission to go and then he... he.. err" she cut herself off again, the woman unable to say the word. Unable to voice what he'd done to her, what he had repeatedly over the past year done to her. The violence that had happened a lot, the shouting, the fighting she'd experienced two years of that but the way he'd use her body for his own pleasure that had only started happening in the past year.

Severide watched her as she battled with herself, the man sensing that whatever Grant had done wasn't anything good. He could take a guess, a real good guess and he was pretty sure it would be right but he didn't want to assume anything. He didn't want to put words into her mouth. So he waited, waited for her to compose herself, for her to gather her thoughts and to be ready to tell him what she needed to. As much or as little as she wanted to, the door was open then, they'd opened it together. All he had to do was have some patience with her and she'd tell him, she'd let him in eventually.

"Stella" he said quietly, her eyes darting up to meet his. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Not right now. Not if you can't."

Tears were streaming down her face, the secret she'd held for the past year on the tip of her tongue. All she had to do was say it. Tell someone, tell him what her husband had done and she'd have gotten past the hard part. It was a battle with her heart and head stopping her. Her heart telling her she could trust him, but her head, her head was making her doubt it all. Doubt everything she knew to be the truth about the man in front of her.

She opened her mouth to speak, the words getting stuck in her throat, her eyes still locked with his. The sadness she felt reflected back at her from him, the man before her obviously deeply affected by everything he'd bore witness to and heard over the past few weeks.

Closing her eyes she spoke, her words so quiet she wasn't even sure if he'd heard them. "He raped me."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So there you go. Stella has finally admitted to some of the things that had been going on behind closed doors. And she's also given Kelly some indication to just how long things have been happening.

Let me know what you think in the comments please? I love reading what you guys have to say.

Stay safe out there.