Chapter 4

Later that night, as I sat at the round table with my parents, I almost wished I had gone with Alice. It may have been just as awkward, but at least all the heat wouldn't be on me. Dad was going on and on about how he wanted to do some picnic thing in a few weeks to get the entire community together. He felt like the people were pulling away from church and his services because of the summertime activities.

I'd be asked to help manage some sort of it, and I'd do it without complaint. Why? Because that was the person my parents tried to raise me to be. Do whatever it took to make others happy.

But what about me? I wasn't happy. They apparently couldn't see that their one and only daughter hated how they expected me to do everything they had lined out. They didn't see how unhappy I was?

Guess they didn't.

"I think that'd be a great idea, Charlie," Mom said. "Get the word out now, and I bet the entire town will come."

"I think so too," Dad said, his eyes swinging to me. His brown eyes were the same shade as my own. "Why aren't you eating?"

"Not that hungry," I shrugged, pushing my food around my plate.

"I bet it was all that sugar you had with Alice last night," Mom said, shaking her head like it was the worst thing ever.

"Just a lot on my mind," I said.

"Still undecided about college? You know you can work at the church and not have to go right away," Mom said.

"It's not just that," I said, not wanting to blast all my issues out there, let alone here at the dinner table.

"Then what?" Dad asked.

"Life," I said, glancing between the two. "You know that the whole working at the church thing doesn't feel like my calling. I want to figure out what that is."

"We've been over this," Dad sighed, like it was the most tiring thing ever.

Sure, since I started my last year of school, I've felt this way. It felt like I was being led to the slaughter. And it was becoming suffocating the longer I was under these obligations.

"There is nothing better than to follow the path that is lined out for you. God himself put in on this path as a young child. You know this, Bella. So why are you still fighting it?" Dad went on. "You won't grow in the church unless you are part of it. You can be a leader here without anyone standing in your way."

"But what if I'm meant to do more," I huffed. "What if I'm meant to reach other people in a different way than being in a building where everyone knows me? Why can't you just give me the chance to explore the world and see what's out there?"

"We just want to protect you, sweetie," Mom said, her voice calm. "This is the easiest thing for you to do. You know everyone in this town would love it if you became the next music leader or event organizer. Or something else in the church."

"You have the summer," Dad said, reminding me of the deal that we made. "The summer to get this little thing out of your system. After that, you will be working in the church four days a week, Bella. To me, it seems like you are already wasting your time doing nothing."

Geeze, go right to the point, why don't you.

"Maybe I just want to enjoy a few days before jumping into something," I muttered. Louder, "I plan to look for a job tomorrow."

"Wonderful!" Mom said, pleased to hear that. "Where do you plan to look? I know a few spots that would love to have you as part of their team, you know."

"I want to do this on my own. I need to do myself," I said, hoping they understood.

Being an only child, they tended to think they had to hold my hand constantly. How was I to learn to get over my issue of not liking people if they were going to do all the work for me? If they expected me to become a member of the church, then they needed to learn to let me grow socially without them helping.

Not like it would help me. I'd still have a dislike for people no matter what I would do.

"Alright," Mom said, sitting back in the chair. "If you change your mind, I will be happy to help."

During the rest of dinner, both Mom and Dad shot me concerned looks as I picked at my food. I was sure that they knew that more than just what I wanted to do with my life was bothering me. There was no way I'd ever bring up the other issues, though. They would think I was completely out of my mind if they knew.

After cleaning up from dinner, Dad went to his study to start working on next week's service while Mom went to watch TV and read on her kindle. I made my way to my room, gently closing my door behind me.

I flopped on my bed after picking up my iPad that had been left on my bedside table. Clicking onto the FB app, I couldn't help be let my shoulders sag in defeat. It was filled with pictures of a few of my friend's photo's of the fun they were already having before going off to college.

I couldn't call all these people friends, though. I hung out with them at school, but that was as far as it ever went. Alice was my only friend I ever hung out with after school hours, and the only person I could confide in.

Seeing my friend requests, I couldn't help but let a small smile cross my lips. Peter Whitlock had sent a request. Over the past few years, he had not been online because of what he was doing, which made complete sense now that I knew he was serving the country.

Did I really want to accept it, though?

I know what Alice would want me to do, but did I really want to do it.

After another moment's thought, I clicked accept. I could always unfriend him later if it turned out he'd be a bother. I wasn't on all that often anyhow since there was nothing good enough to keep me coming back.

I couldn't help myself, and checked out his profile. It looked to be a brand new page, and not all the was posted yet to it. It was about a month since it was created, and other than a few pictures of him and Jasper, nothing too personal was posted. It didn't even state where he was working or what he had done before.

Maybe that was a good enough clue that he wasn't meant to be in my circle. He had his own life, and I had mine.

But with mine, I was determined to make something of myself.

If only life would quit dragging me down so I could.