"He raped me."
Her words hung in the air around them, Kelly having to take slow deep breaths to stop himself from exploding. He was angry, beyond angry, he was furious at what he'd just heard. His heart feeling like it had just been shattered into a million pieces in his chest, the words ringing in his head, the words that confirmed to him just how much of a monster her husband was. To do that to another human being, to the one human being you promised to protect against all evil, to use her body as if it didn't belong to her. He didn't know the ins and outs, he didn't have the full story of how it had happened, what exactly he had done to her in that shower, he didn't have all the details and he didn't need to. He had the word, the important word that told him everything he needed to know. He'd raped her, he'd violated her body, her trust, he'd stripped away all her sense of security by taking everything from her. The hitting, the shouting, everything else it was horrible, it was unthinkable but this, this was something else and he didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could say, there was nothing he could do that would take away what that man, that vile, horrible excuse for a man had done to her.
"Stella, I'm so sorry" he whispered, his voice so quiet as he tried to vocalize to her everything he needed to without letting her see his anger. He knew getting mad and losing it right now wouldn't help matters, it wouldn't help Stella, it wouldn't change anything that had happened and as much as he wanted to go find Grant and let him know exactly what he thought about him, let he know exactly what he wanted to do to him. He couldn't, he couldn't go near him, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from putting his hands around his neck, or knocking him clean out, and that wouldn't help anyone especially not Stella.
Turning to face her he could see the tears running down her face, the pain the memory had caused her written clearly on her face for him to see, she was opening up to him, she was telling him something she had never admitted to anyone else maybe not even herself and he knew how tough this must be for her. He knew and he just wanted to make it better, he just wanted to make her feel better. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her into his chest, the man whispering calming words to her, together they sat there, ten minutes, turning into twenty minutes, turning into half an hour of silence past, comforting and deafening silence from both of them as they both worked through their emotions together, her body slowly calming from the shaky sobs that took over her body when he first held her, her breaths evening out so much he wasn't even sure she was still awake, but he didn't want to let her go, he didn't want this moment to end yet. She needed him and he would be right here with her for as long as she needed him to.
"What he did.. that, that was not your fault. You know that don't you?" He finally said pulling back slightly so that he could look down at her. "None of what he did, it wasn't your fault."
"I know" she whispered against his chest, the woman not daring to met his eyes, the blue eyes she was sure held so much sadness and would look at her with that knowing look, that look that told her he pitted her, that he knew, that he saw her. She wasn't sure she believed her own words, although somewhere deep down she knew he was right, it wasn't her fault nothing Grant had ever done to her, what he'd put her through none of that was her fault, yet she had this nagging in her head that told her otherwise, the little voice, his voice that played over and over telling her it was her fault. The words so ingrained into her memory that it was difficult to not hear them, to not believe them.
"Was it... did it only happen once?" he asked slowly, afraid of the answer he may get.
Stella pulled back completely, the woman sitting up straight while she stared up at him her face blank, her eyes telling him nothing. She knew he was waiting on an answer, she knew he wanted her to open up more to tell him the truth. But her throat had gone bone dry at the topic they were touching on, and she was unsure if she was ready, unsure if she was ready to divulge everything with him, unsure if she should, if he could, she didn't know if she could utter those words. If she did, if she laid everything out here now she'd open herself up to him seeing more into her life. Seeing more of what had happened during the darkest moments of her life. And as much as she wanted to trust him, as much as he had proven to her time and time again that she could, she couldn't bring herself to answer him. The fear of what he would think of her crippling, the fear silencing her once again. Grant's actions having caused so many trust issues within her that she just couldn't bring herself to say it. Not again, she'd told him about the first time, but she couldn't tell him that it had happened again and again, that every time they had had sex since that day, that it had been completely one sided for almost a year. She just couldn't.
"Can we go back inside please?" she asked, the sharpness to her words, and her arms crossing over her chest, the action leaving no room for him to continue the conversation any further today. He knew what she was doing, and he was pretty certain he knew why, but if she wasn't ready he wasn't going to push her.
"Yeah we can do that" he said smiling, "Did you want to go grab something in the cafe before we go back upstairs?" He asked aware that apart from the egg muffin she'd inhaled first thing she hadn't eaten, Stella having barely touched the lunch the porters had brought her before they came out here.
"No thanks, I'm tired I just want to sleep."
"Ok" Kelly said standing up and unlocking the wheelchair, the two returning to her room in silence.
Kelly walked down the familiar corridors, the man needing to stretch his legs out after the long afternoon sat at her bedside. After her confession early she'd barely said two words to him, Stella shutting down almost instantly and now he had no idea what to do next. What did he do with the information he now had? Did he tell someone? It wasn't his secret. He couldn't help but think that however much he'd be trying to help by telling Antonio or one of the other members of intelligence it would only do the opposite for his relationship with her, for his friendship and the trust she had in him. He couldn't help but think if he told someone what she'd told him she would view it as a breach of trust and she'd completely shut him out again like she had that night at Molly's and he couldn't risk it. He wouldn't risk it.
They had come so far in the few days she'd been awake, Kelly being the only person she had in trusted details of what her life had been like and he wasn't ready or willing to push her into anything she wasn't wanting to do. If he did that then he was just as bad as he was, and he never wanted her to compare him to that man. His phone buzzing in his pocket broke him from his thoughts, the man pulling it out and seeing who it was.
"Hey" he said in to the phone.
"Hey" she replied, "You ok?"
"I'm... I don't really know" he admitted.
"Kelly? What happened?" Gabby asked, her voice suddenly filled with concern. "Is Stella ok, did something happen?"
"She's ok, she's alright Gabs. We just had some... we spoke earlier and it left me feeling a little on edge that's all. But we're ok, we're both ok."
"What did you talk about?"
"Huh?"
"You said you talked and it left you on edge" she clarified, "so what did you talk about?"
"Erm, well first of all she asked me about the stuff with Antonio, so we discussed that and then we were just talking and she err, she told me some stuff." He decided that was probably the best way to say it, it didn't give anything away and at the same time made it easy for him to close down any questions she may have.
"Ok, like?"
"Gabby, I can't it's personal. She told me in confidence, I can't tell you."
"Kelly.."
"No Gabby, I can't you know I can't." he said quickly cutting her off before she had chance to press him anymore.
"Kelly, just tell me she's ok? Tell me he didn't do anything to her that.. he didn't put her through more than we already know."
He took a deep breath, he knew he couldn't answer her question not without giving it away. Gabby she was inquisitive, she could see signs and read people better than anyone he knew and he knew what she was asking. He knew she knew that a lot of domestic violence cases had resulted in sexual abuse, but he couldn't answer her question not without her working it out. "She's ok Gabby, I can't tell you anymore than that. She's ok, she's sleeping at the minute. We went down into the courtyard earlier, got her some fresh air and Dr Johnson was happy with her progress this morning, she's even talking about getting her home by the end of next week."
"That's great Kelly," She knew what he was doing and she knew why but she wouldn't press him, not now anyway. "Talking of her coming home have you thought anymore about that?" she asked referring to the conversation they'd had yesterday afternoon.
"Not really, Stella didn't have the best of nights and I was a little preoccupied." he admitted.
"What happened? I thought you said she was ok."
"She is, she just had a few bad dreams that's all."
"Oh, ok yeah I suspected something like that may start happening now she's erm you know spoken about it."
"Yeah, it was a bit rough seeing her like that, but I was a bit more focused on making sure she got some sleep then I was working out my feelings for her."
He heard Gabby take a deep breath, the paramedic clearly wanting to say something and stopping herself.
"What is it Gabs?"
"Nothing, it's nothing... Just if you ask me I'd say you know exactly how you feel about her and what you want to happen between the two of you. I'd say you are just scared, and that fear is what is holding you back."
"I'm not scared Dawson! I really don't know how I feel. I don't understand these feeling I've got. The only thing I know is that all I can think about is her, even when I'm not with her, I can't get her out of my head."
"Sev.." She began, her words being cut off as he heard the bells ring out in the house, calling ambo out. "I'm sorry that's my cue, but this conversation isn't over." she said sharply.
Severide blowing out a breath as they clicked off. "Don't I know it" he mumbled to himself, roughly shoving his phone back into his pocket and slouching down into the chairs beside him.
He knew Gabby was right, part of him was scared there were only two other people he had ever felt like this about first his high school girlfriend and then Renee his ex fiancee and she'd ripped his heart out two days before their wedding, the woman admitting to him that she had slept her ex before the two of them called of the wedding. It had left him in pieces and ever since then he'd tried to protect himself, never staying with the same woman for long, having short flings and one night stands, the man getting a reputation for himself as a player. He didn't mean to make his way through woman the way he had, hell he didn't mean to break as many hearts as he had but he couldn't ever get himself to commit fully not after that, not after experiencing the unimaginable pain of being cheated on, so he never got close. He never made roots with anyone, he never allowed himself to have more than a bit of harmless fun. Until now. Now he didn't want just meaningless sex, he didn't want to use her for a quick release and then move on to the next person, he wanted to be with her, to support her, to protect her, to love her. He wanted it all, but he was scared, Gabby was right he was scared. Scared to admit it to himself and even more scared of admitting it to her because if he did he opened himself up to being hurt again, he made himself vulnerable to having to go through all that pain, all that hurt and heartache again.
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there, his head in his hands lost in his own head. He wasn't aware of anything going on around him, the doctors and nurses going about their business, the relatives coming in and out of the hallway, he saw none of it. All he could think about was her, her smile, her laugh, the way her hair flayed behind her, the mop of dark curly hair that had a mind of it's own. The way it hung down over her shoulders when she'd wear it down, the soft smell of coconut that would come from it when she'd walk past. He'd committed every little thing about her to his memory, over the months they'd worked together, over her time at the academy. He didn't know what it was about her, what it was that made him feel the way he did but there was an undeniable truth, he was in love with Stella Kidd. He just had to admit it.
"Kelly." A voice broke through his thoughts, a voice he hadn't heard in a long while, a voice he didn't think he'd ever hear again if he was honest.
"What are you doing here?" he asked his head slowly lifting up from his hands, his eyes landing on the woman in front of him She looked no different then she had all those years ago, her blonde hair flowing freely over her shoulders, her blue eyes still holding that shine. The shine he'd seen dimmed when he broke her heart.
"I'm visiting my dad, he had a heart attack. What are you here for?"
"I'm visiting a... I'm here with a friend. She got pretty roughed up."
"Girlfriend or friend?" she asked giving him a knowing look.
"Just a friend Julie, she's married, well separated. It's complicated."
"It always is with you" the bitterness in her words resounding loudly. He knew he'd hurt her, he never meant to, this is exactly what he had just been battling with himself over. This is what he did to women, he had some fun and then he hurt them and then even after years of not seeing him that hurt was still there. And he hated it, he hated what his younger self had done to these women, what he'd done to her.
"I'm sorry Julie, really I am. I never meant to hurt you, I thought we were both on the same page about keeping it casual."
"Kelly after six months of hooking up you didn't think maybe we were more than just a booty call?"
"No, look I'm sorry I hurt you but I can't do this right now." He pushed himself up from his seat, giving her a short nod as he made his way back towards Stella's room.
"Don't hurt her!" Her loud voice stopped him, "I mean it Kelly, whoever she is. She's got to be something special to make you look like you do, and have you so worried that your here in the hospital with her. So just don't screw it up."
"I won't. Hope your dad gets better soon."
With that he continued his path down the corridor, his heart and head further apart now than they had been when he left her room earlier, the man back in the silent battle with himself. Seeing Julie had brought up a lot of things, although their interaction had been short it didn't take a genius to see she was still hurting from him dumping her, she was still reeling from his reluctance to commit to her and if anything the short few minutes he'd spoken to her had only confirmed his previous thoughts that he wasn't someone who could commit, not anymore not after the hurt and pain he'd had inflicted upon him, not after the hurt and pain he had caused countless woman along the way.
"I wondered if you were coming back."
Her voice reaching his ears caused his face to soften, the firefighter relaxing at the gentle sound.
"Sorry, you were sleeping and my legs had gone dead. Have you been awake long?"
"Long enough to know you've been gone a while." She said, her eyes tracing over his form. "You ok?"
"I'm good" he said waving her off, resuming his position beside her. "Just needed to stretch my legs."
"Ok."
She wasn't convinced, his face when he walked in had given him away. Something was up, something was playing on his mind she just couldn't work out what and he clearly didn't want to talk about it, at least not to her.
"Did you sleep ok?" he asked moving the subject back to her.
"I did, I feel loads better. Was even thinking maybe we could go grab that bite to eat?"
"Maybe later, I'm not really hungry" He said.
"Oh ok." she said, a sinking feeling settling in her gut. Was he freezing her out because of what she'd told him earlier, was he repulsed by what he'd heard Grant had done to her. Grant had always told her that no one would want her, that she'd never find anyone else and if Kelly's reaction right now was any indication he had been right. "Do you want to watch the game or something?" she offered.
"We can if you want" he said, his short reply only making her feel more like she'd done something wrong. This wasn't the Kelly she knew, this wasn't the Kelly that had sat next to her bedside for the past two weeks, the man that had done everything and anything in his power to help her. This was a distant man, a man that looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and she wasn't sure why.
"Kelly are you sure you're ok?" She asked again.
"I'm good"
"Ok, you know you can tell me if you're not yeah?"
"I know." He said, flicking the TV on and scrolling through to the right channel. Both of them convinced the other was focused on the game in front of them.
"How you doing girl?" Gabby asked when she walked into Stella's room. The paramedic equally impressed and concerned to see her friend up and about, the firefighter moving slowly but by herself.
"I'm doing good. I'm up, I'm out of that bed and I'm more than ready to get going home."
It had been a week since Stella had woken up, and in that week she'd made a lot of progress, her bones were healing nicely and Dr Johnson had told them last night that as long as her results came back completely clear of infection this morning she'd be free to go home and that was what had brought Dawson to the hospital right now. The PIC having come to pick her up and take her to Kelly's. Severide having left earlier with Casey to get her room ready and pick up the last few bits from her apartment, Antonio having sent a unit with them to make sure no trouble came from the two firefighter turning up. From what she had heard it had gone well, Severide managing to ignore the man who's apartment it was completely, which Gabby could only assume was partly due to the police presence.
Despite Stella being released into their care, well more Severide's then anyone else's, Gabby still felt lingering doubts about her going home so soon, about her being out of the bed without one of them there with her. Especially since she was still slightly unsteady on her feet, the head injury she had suffered causing her a few motor issues. Dr Johnson had assured them that it would get better over time, and with intensive physio she'd be back on her feet before they knew. Stella just had to put the work in to see the benefits and results. And to give her her due she had been working with the physio team religiously and she had been making good progress but despite all of that Gabby was still nervous about it and seeing her moving around the room when she'd arrived had only stirred up those worries again.
"Well the guys called not long ago, they've got all your stuff and they've already started sorting your room out. So with any luck when we get back you'll be able to make yourself comfortable."
"Sounds good to me, it'll be nice to be able to take a shower and sleep in a proper bed."
"I bet" Gabby smiled, taking the holdall from the other woman and zipping it up. "You got everything? Medication, chargers?"
"I think so, I was just doing the final sweep when you arrived but I think I have everything."
"Ok then, let's get you outta here." Walking just outside the room, Gabby returned with a wheelchair, Stella's smile fading slightly when she saw it.
"No Gabby, come on. I can walk, I'm fine."
"Sorry girl hospital rules." she said firmly pointing to the chair, "Sit."
Stella grumbled a little but she sat down, the firefighter knowing there was no point in her arguing the point. She knew as well as anyone what the rules were about patients being discharged, they had to ride in the chair until they were out the front door. It was protocol and they wouldn't allow anyone to break it, not even a firefighter.
"Ready?" Gabby asked when she was securely seated.
"Let's do this" She replied her grin as wide as her face.
Dawson pushed her slowly through the corridors, Stella stopping her every so often to thank another doctor or nurse as they passed. The woman grateful for everything they had done for her during the past three weeks. She knew that all of her progress, her being able to go home would never have happened without their help and support and treatment. It was something she would always be grateful for, something she would never be able to repay. She was lucky, she was defiantly lucky. Lucky to be alive, lucky to have such amazing friends, and lucky to be going home. And although it wasn't where she used to call home she hoped it would become it soon, that maybe he would become her home but that was another issue. An issue she had tried to push from her mind as much as possible over the past few days, she never did find out what had been bothering him the night she revealed her past, she never found out why he was so off with her, why he was so quiet. She'd asked, a couple of times she'd tried to start the conversation but she was always met with assurances that it had nothing to do with what she'd told him, and he didn't think any differently of her now he knew. But despite all that she hadn't revealed anything else, she hadn't spoken to him about anything more than surface level stuff.
"Casey let you drive the truck?" Stella laughed when the got outside, Gabby pushing her towards her husbands truck.
"Yeah well I didn't exactly give him much choice. I told him it would be easier for you to get in and out of, so him and Kelly took my car instead."
Stella chuckled loudly, she knew how much Casey loved his truck and she knew that only Gabby would ever be able to prize the keys off him, the man almost as protective over it as he was Gabby.
"Well would you look who's here" He smiled when he opened the front door. Kelly wrapping her up in a huge hug. "Welcome home."
"Thanks Kelly."
"Do you need anything? Water? Coffee?" He asked helping her move further into the apartment. "We grabbed some lunch on the way back."
"I think I'm going to lie down if you don't mind?"
"Of course not, we made your bed but everything else is just piled in there. I thought I could help you later on, get it put away after you'd had chance to settle in?"
"Thanks Kelly. I mean it." Turning to face Gabby and Matt she said "and thank you, for everything."
"You don't need to thank us Stella. It's what friends are for." Matt said pulling her into a hug.
"Well thank you anyway. I'm going to go try get some rest."
They all waved her off, the three friends moving into the kitchen and grabbing a drink each before settling down together to hang out and eat the subs Kelly had brought. None of them ready to separate and none of them having any other plans that would force them to.
"Do you think she's ok?" Kelly asked, nodding towards the door.
"I think she's a bit overwhelmed, the first day out of the safety of the hospital was always going to be a bit tough. She's going from having round the clock care and protection to having you and her." Gabby said, her tone light with a touch of seriousness. "She'll be ok, just give her some time."
"I feel like she's shut down again" he admitted, the man thinking back to the night he bumped into Julie. "I think I know why but I wish she wouldn't hold back on me. She won't talk about it, about the nightmares, nothing. She just insists she's ok and then avoids the subject."
"What do you mean? I thought you were getting her to open up?" Matt asked swallowing his mouth full of sub, his eyes darting to his wife with a look.
"I was..." Kelly sighed, the man rubbing his face with his hand. "We were doing really well until a few days ago. And then I don't know, well..." he cut himself off not really knowing how to explain his thoughts or what had happened. Despite speaking with Gabby about his feelings briefly a couple of times he'd avoided the subject in front of his best friend. Casey sure to rip him a new one when he heard how he was battling with himself, the captain having seen the way he was with her long before even Severide had realized there may have been more there. It was something he'd been ribbed about almost relentlessly up until the point she'd been put in the hospital, Casey just assuming that his friend had finally gotten over himself and told her how he felt. He had no clue to the conversations between the man and his wife, or the emotional battle he had been having with himself.
"What? What did you do Kelly!" he said sharply his eyes narrowing in on him, the immense stare sending a cold shiver down Severide's spine.
"I didn't do anything" he defended. "Well not intentionally, Stella she opened up to me about something, something that happened with Grant and it kinda threw me slightly, so when she was sleeping I went for a walk, to clear my head and stretch out my muscles but I bumped into Julie.."
"Wait you didn't tell me that" Gabby interrupted.
"I didn't tell anyone, it was for like a minute we spoke. Her dad was in for a heart attack and she said some stuff and..."
"What?"
"Well I had thought I sorted my head out, I was getting ready to go back and tell Stella what she mean't to me, tell her how I felt and then Julie happened. And I realized that I'm not a nice person, I don't deserve someone like Stella. And she sure as hell deserves someone better than me."
"Kelly.."
"No Case, it's fine I know that I don't deserve her. So I didn't tell her how I felt."
"But?" Gabby asked, the paramedic sensing there was a lot more to him just not telling her how he felt.
"But? Why does there need to be a but? That's it, I was going to tell her and I didn't."
Dawson sighed deeply, the woman swallowing the frustration she was feeling and the urge to kick his ass. "Sev come on? Something else must of happened for her to suddenly shut down on you. What did you say to her?"
"Nothing, I said nothing." He sighed.
"Hang on, so let me get this straight" Gabby near whispered. The low tone of her voice more dangerous than if she'd just exploded. Matt could sense his wife was mad, she was more than that, she was furious with the man sat between them and he couldn't say he didn't feel the same. It was one thing not telling her how he felt, but if he meant he said nothing as in silence, as in didn't speak to her at all. That, that was not ok and he was sure Gabby was about to tell him as much.
"So she spills her heart to you, tells you something you couldn't, or wouldn't share with me, something that had you so shaken on the phone I worried about you for the rest of the day." She saw the look that flashed across his face, the look that said he was shocked she'd been so concerned about him. "Yes Kelly, I spent all day debating whether I should leave shift and come sit with you at the hospital, whether I should call someone to speak with you. And your telling me that you went back to her room after I spoke with you and said nothing! Not a word..."
"I... erm.. I.." Kelly sighed, he knew she was right. The way he'd handled the whole thing was wrong, the way he'd ignored her for the rest of the day, pretending to watch the game and giving her small short replies whenever she'd tried to talk to him about it. It was wrong he knew it was, and he'd hurt her. He knew that she felt like it was something she'd done and although he'd spent the past few days trying to make it up to her and assure her his silence was nothing to do with her, he knew she didn't believe him and he knew that she'd shut him out because she didn't want to hurt him. Because that's what she thought she'd done, he could sense it, she thought by telling him what Grant had done to her that day in the shower had hurt him, had repulsed him and that's why he'd shut her out, why he wouldn't touch her or speak with her. And although she was wrong, he hadn't actually explained to her what had happened and he knew until he did she would continue to shut him out. "Yes" he whispered, the man overcome with embarrassment.
"For god sake Kelly!" Gabby hissed.
"Gabby.. let me explain. I... everything.. I just didn't"
"No Kelly, I've heard enough. I told you I would kick your fucking ass if you hurt her and I swear to god if you don't fix this..."
"I know" he said, his eyes darting to Matt, the man looking for some form of support from his best friend but he was met with a blank stare.
"I agree with her" he said shaking his head. "Kelly you can't keep going all.. Severide on girls. You can't do that to Stella, she's been through enough."
"I know. I'm sorry guys I'll fix it I promise. I'll explain to her what happened, I'll tell her everything."
Stella sat on the bed looking around the room, the room that she'd crashed in a few times but was now hers. The room he'd offered her when she'd woken up in the hospital, after she'd given her statement to the police and confided in him that she didn't know where she was going to go. He'd offered her a place to stay, the man quite literally sweeping her of her feet with kindness and understanding, it was a kindness she didn't think she deserved and a understanding that she so desperately craved.
Stella was grateful for his company of late especially since her nights were so often interrupted by some vivid dreams, the woman waking repeatedly shaking and screaming, each time seeking his comfort and embrace, his strong arms being the only place she felt safe. The man in which apartment she now sat had comforted her every single time, he'd forfeited his own nights sleep to make sure she got hers but that was where his contact had ended over the past few days. Ever since he'd come into her room that afternoon quiet and distant, he'd stopped holding her hand, he'd stopped placing the little kisses to her head, all the little touches and contact she'd become used to had stopped and she didn't know why. Yet here she was, in his apartment looking at her things piled up in the corner of his place, in a room in his place.
She could hear their hushed voices, her three friends talking together, and although she couldn't hear everything that was being said she had a pretty solid idea what the conversation was about. The three of them had been doing it a lot since she'd woken, she was pretty certain they'd been doing it since the night she landed in the hospital. The three friends being there for emotional support to each other, Gabby and Kelly using Matt as a venting place when they needed to discuss anything they'd heard, been told, or seen.
Stella lay down on the bed, trying to shut out their voices as she played over the events that had lead to her being here. Grants voice bouncing around her head, the vicious words he'd said resonating loudly as the tears streamed down her face once more.
"Do you think he'll get time for this?" she heard Gabby ask. "I mean I know they haven't got everything yet, that Stella hasn't given her full account of what she suffered at his hands. But from what little I know surely they've got to throw the book at him."
"I don't know," she heard Kelly reply, "if what she told the police about that night is even a fraction of what has been going on, I'm hoping he will."
"When is she going to give her full statement?"
"Tomorrow morning, Antonio set it all up with us yesterday we're going to go down to the station and do it. I was thinking I might take her for breakfast or something afterwards it'll depend on how she's feeling of course but your welcome to join us if you want."
Gabby nodded her head in response, looking towards her husband who shook his head. "I can't I have that construction job but you go."
"Ok, call me after your finished and I can meet you there. Just let me know what the plan is." Gabby said.
"I can't believe we didn't see this" Matt said, his voice was slightly louder than the other two and carried into her room clearer. "I mean I always knew he was a bit mouthy but I would never have imagined he could do something like this, not until that night. I don't think I'll ever get the image of her in that bed out of my head or the image of what the apartment looked like." Stella tensed at the pained sound of his words but it was nothing to what Kelly's next words did to her. Her body going ridged as she heard him speak up again.
"Be thankfully you didn't see him throw her across the room like a rag doll. How I didn't beat his ass right then I don't know. I should have." Kelly said his body going ridged as he thought about it. "I don't know where she goes from here, but I know she's going to need us, she's going to need us all."
The three friends fell silent outside the door, Stella assuming they were all stunned to silence by the memories that had flooded their minds.
"I'm going to check on her?" Gabby said, Stella hearing her soft footsteps getting closer to the door.
As soon as Dawson pushed the door open she could see that Stella wasn't sleeping, the woman before her curled into a ball the tears lining her face as her body shook. Taking huge strides towards the bed she sat down her hand instantly stroking over her back comfortingly, Stella looking towards her through clouded eyes. "How you doing?"Gabby asked quietly, although she didn't need to ask. She could see that her friend was upset, that her friend was struggling and it broke her heart.
"I just want it to stop hurting." She sobbed.
"It will, eventually it'll fade." Gabby said "one day you'll look back at this and realize just how strong you are Stella. What you've done, these steps you've taken these past few days alone, they are the start of a new life. And I know it's scary, I know having to recount everything that's happened isn't going to be easy but we are all here for you, everyone at fifty one, Kelly, me, Matt, we're all right here, no matter what you need, no matter what time of day or night. We are right here, and we aren't going anywhere ok?"
"I don't know if I can talk to Kelly" she admitted, the firefighter pulling back and leaning into the pillows popped up behind her. "He.. we talked the other day when you were on shift, when we went out to the courtyard for the first time and afterwards he couldn't even look at me."
"Stella that was nothing to do with whatever you told him." Gabby saw the flash of fear that crossed her friends face, the woman sensing that whatever had been discussed that day was something Stella really didn't want anyone else knowing. "It's ok, he didn't tell me what it was, but I know you said something, something about stuff that happened, and I know he was a bit shaken. I called him while you were sleeping to check in on you both and he sounded a little shaken, but he didn't tell me what you'd said just that it was personal and not something for him to tell. But whatever it was that had nothing to do with him being quiet."
"What do you mean? What else could it have been?"
"I can't say Stella, I know what it was. But it's not my place to say just like it wasn't Kelly's place to tell me whatever you told him. You will have to ask him about it and I know he wants to talk to you about it. He's scared Stella everything about this is scaring him and it's going to take patience from both sides ok?"
"I'm scared too." she whispered, her voice so quiet Dawson almost missed it. The paramedics arms instantly wrapping back around her friend, the need to comfort and support her overwhelming.
"We're all here for you Stella, whatever you need, we're all here." She said again, her voice firmer and stronger than before.
"Thank you" Stella mumbled, wiping the stray tears away. Her eyes focused upwards on her friend, "and erm Gabby I'm sorry" She whispered pulling back again so she was face to face with the paramedic.
"What? What are you sorry for, you did nothing wrong."
"I'm sorry for not letting you in, you tried more than once and I shut you down. I was scared. I am scared." She paused watching her friends reaction, doing everything she could to keep her emotions in check, "you've tried several times since the academy to get me to talk and I've distanced myself, and I just need you to know that I'm sorry."
A lone tear ran down Gabby's check as she listened to the hurt and pain in her friends voice, her apology a clear indicator to how the woman before her felt. The fact her first port of call had been to apologize said a lot about the way she had been conditioned, the way she had been made to believe everything was her fault. "Stella listen to me, you have nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong, this is on Grant, this is his fault. But I swear he will never hurt you again. I don't know everything he did, I don't need to unless you want me to but I do know that nothing he did was your fault."
"You don't know that."
"I do Stella, I do because it's my job to. I've seen a lot of people in your position, I've helped my fair share, and the one thing they all had in common? It wasn't their fault. None of it. This isn't on you, I hope if I say it enough, if we all tell you it enough you'll believe us because it isn't your fault, it never was. No matter what he told you it wasn't on you."
Stella lunged forward wrapping the paramedic up in a crushing hug, her forcefulness telling Dawson all she needed to know about how much she needed to hear what she'd just said, telling her just how hurt she was. The firefighter nearly squeezing the air out of her friend as she hung onto her. Gabby reciprocating the action just as strongly, the two women holding onto each other for a long time, neither one of them making any attempt to let go as tears streamed down both of their faces.
"Everything ok in here?" He asked from the doorway, both men standing there watching as the two brunettes held onto each other. Neither one of them noticing the men until he spoke, Dawson pulling back slightly to give a sharp nod.
"We're good Sev, just been talking that's all." Gabby said, pressing a soft kiss to her friends head before releasing her hold on her, pushing herself up from the bed and making her way towards her husband. "We're going to get out of here and let you two talk. Look after her ok?" She asked squeezing Kelly's arm gently, "she's going to need to you to keep your calm head on."
"I've got her Dawson, I promise. She's good."
"Ok then, well we need to go but call me if you need me ok." She turned to face Stella once more "remember what I said."
Stella nodding as she watched the couple leave. Severide sitting down next to her, wrapping his arms around her as she rested her head against his chest. The two firefighters sitting in silence, her body relaxing into his as she finally fell asleep. Kelly directing their bodies down towards the mattress so she wasn't sleeping hunched up, determined to stay with her for as long as she needed.
So there with have it Stella is home, well at Kelly's.
Kelly is still having conflicting feelings between his head and his heart and the return of an ex didn't seem to help him, in fact it did the opposite. But Gabby has said her piece about Kelly's shutting Stella out and confusing her and we all know how feisty Dawson can be when she needs to be, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side, would you?
There are some hard conversations that need to be had between Kelly and Stella to get them on the same page but it doesn't look like either of them find opening up all to easy, so who knows how they may go. We will be getting to them soon but first she's going to be giving her full statement to the police. Or is she?