"Otto!" Gunmar's evil growl reverberated through the secret HQ of the Janus order.

"Yes, oh Dark Underlord?"

Gunmar steepled his fingers. "I have detected issues with your intelligence gathering?"

"Oh, what, my Dark Underlord?"

Gunmar took a deep breath. "WORLD WAR TWO, YOU BLITHERING IDIOT! I HAVE FIVE HUNDRED PAGES ON THE EVOLUTION OF MUSEUM EXHIBITS AND TWO WORDS ON THE GREATEST WAR IN HUMAN HISTORY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS ARE?"

"What are they?" Otto knew that he was going to get in trouble for cribbing Stricklander's class notes.

"WE WON!" Gunmar's bellow cracked monitor screens. "Since I am planning to conquer the surface world, don't you think a more detailed synopsis, including things like nuclear bombs, the development of the cold war, and MAD would have been more helpful, instead of me having to find it on Merlin-cursed Wikipedia!"

Oh Dark Lady, he's found Wikipedia.

"I will certainly work to solve this—"

"Get out, or I will Decimar Blade you into a potted plant."

"Yes, oh Dark Underlord."

Gunmar sat down and started typing at the oversized keyboard. "I'll have to keep some of these… IT people alive," He muttered. It wouldn't be so difficult, according to the Internet they just hid from the sun and played games. They probably wouldn't even notice his glorious conquest. But first he needed more information, information that did not depend on the Janus Order. A way to contact humans himself…

"Hmmm… What is this… Singles listing." he muttered. Moments later. "Otto! Get me a Glamour Mask!"

Jim felt a pounding headache coming on. He'd just dealt with another gnome uprising, and his mother wanted him to meet someone. The last time he'd ended up in a fight for his life.

"Maybe this one will be better."

"Oh, Jim, I just finished cooking dinner!" his mother looked happy, blissfully unaware of the curls of smoke emerging from the kitchen.

Or the fact that one of the decorative plants was wilting.

Still, it couldn't be as bad as Strickler's date.

Inside, he frowned. The potatoes looked…

Okay, Mom's a doctor. The date probably won't die.

But her date a big, blond surfer style guy, dug into it with gusto and no sign of poisoning. Jim was impressed, drinking the water that he himself had gotten.

"Call me G-Jack." The man had rumbled.

And the talk went well. Apparently, he ran a major corporation that was thinking of investing in Arcadia. Jim was happy that Mom was dating a normal guy.

And then it happened. He reached for a dinner roll, and Jim noticed that there was metal foil stuck in it. He reached to save the man from Death by Barbara's Cooking, when his hand brushed something hard and cold.

The Glamour Mask revealed Gunmar the Black, evil underlord.

Who looked a little embarrassed.

"Err… Could you pass the butter?" Jim stared at him.

Looked at the Butter.

Looked at the kitchen.

"Sure, why not?" He said as Gunmar put his mask back on, just in time for Barbara to come out with the pie, the steaming, bubbling, pie.

"It's nice to see you're getting along!" she said brightly.

"What is it, Blinky?" Claire asked. "You said something is wrong with Jim?"

"Yeah, Jimbo didn't answer my call!" Toby said.

"He is in my chambers… putting dents on my table." Blinky didn't look happy.

"Dents in your table?" Claire blinked, marched to the door, then stopped her eyes wide. Jim was smacking his head against the table, his words echoing through Trollmarket.

"MY" thump "MOTHER" thump "IS" thump "A" thump "TERRIBLE" thump "JUDGE" thump "OF" thump "MEN!"

The End. (For Now).