I'll See You Again
1.)
"This is your fault," Kith hissed, crawling towards Lance.
Lance screamed, trying once again to get his feet to move and carry him as far away as humanly possible. Keith was decayed, skin gray and rotting. In some places, it was gone altogether.
His leg and arm were still broken, just like they'd been when they sealed him in his coffin.
"You did this!" The zombie yelled, dragging himself forward with his one good arm. "You couldn't stop and think for one second- one goddamn second- before you were off doing something stupid again!"
"I'm sorry!" Memories of the rockfall flashed before his eyes; Keith yelling at him, Keith pushing him out of the way, Keith dying under a pile of rubble, all alone. "I didn't mean to! It was an accident!"
Keith snarled, baring bone-white teeth. "You think that makes this better?"
"We tried to find you,"
"You were too slow,"
"I tried-" Lance's voice broke. "I tried so hard-"
"Not hard enough." The dead paladin pushed himself up brokenly until he was wobbling on one leg. "It should have been you."
Lance couldn't argue with that. He'd been the one to start the landslide. He'd been the one that didn't notice the falling boulder until it was too late. He'd been the one to find Keith's body, bloody and broken, too late.
"I'm sorry," He whispered again.
"Not good enough,"
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Keith kept yelling, tearing Lance down in all the ways he deserved. "Stop!" The blue paladin threw a hand out, pushing Keith away.
The zombie stumbled, landing flat on his back. With a murderous look in his eye, his jaw unhinged, and he began to scream. It was the same scream the team had heard, moments before they lost communication with him.
Lance still couldn't move. Crying, he sank to his knees, pressing his hands over his ears as hard as he could. If anything, Keith's screams became louder.
"I'm sorry," Lance cried again, chest heaving with sobs.
"You should be."
Lance woke up, tears pouring down his face and heart beating out of his chest. The light in his room was on- he couldn't sleep in the dark anymore. Not when nightmares of Keith plagued him every night.
It had been over a month since Keith died. Over a month since Lance had seen that stupid mullet, or heard a snarky comment. Over a month of hearing Keith's dying scream in his dreams, every single night.
The team was far from healed. They hardly interacted at all anymore, each grieving in their own way. Lance had locked himself in his room. He couldn't stand to see his team or the lions; not when he had failed them to such an unforgivable degree.
Taking a deep breath, Lance tried to calm himself down. He pulled Keith's jacket tighter around himself- it was the only thing he had left of the mullethead. It still smelled like him, and if Lance closed his eyes, he could almost pretend it was actually Keith standing there.
"You sleep with my jacket?" A voice said with amusement. "Lance, I didn't know you cared."
Lance's eyes snapped open, air leaving his chest in one panicked screech. Sitting on the end of his bed with a fond look in his eyes, was Keith.
Average, not dead, broken, or rotting, Keith.
"What- how-"
"It sounded like you had a pretty bad nightmare," Keith leaned forward. "Wanna talk about it?"
Lance was shaking. "This- this isn't possible."
"It's okay, Lance." Keith's smile was soft and reassuring. "Whatever it was, it wasn't real. It's over now."
Lance couldn't speak, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Suddenly, he pinched himself hard.
"What are you doing?" Keith squeaked in shock.
"This isn't real," Lance pinched harder. "This is still a nightmare. I'm still asleep." The pain in his arm proved otherwise. Tears began to well in his eyes. "What's happening?"
"It was just a nightmare," Keith repeated, seemingly unfazed by Lance's tears.
"I'm sorry," the words fell from his mouth before he could stop them. "I'm so sorry, it was my fault, I'm so stupid-"
Keith shushed him gently. "It's okay now. Just go back to sleep."
"It should have been me! The whole team is lost without you and-"
"Lance," Keith's voice was soft and soothing. "Everything is okay."
With a sob, Lance launched himself forward, wrapping his arms around the red paladin. He was met with nothing but air. "This isn't real." Though he'd known that from the beginning, disappointment stung bitterly in his chest.
"Lay down," Keith was sitting on the floor now. "It'll all be better in the morning."
"You aren't real." As soon as his head hit his pillow, his tears started coming faster and harder. "This isn't fair."
Keith was sitting right there in front of him, looking better and more at peace than Lance had ever seen him. He looked like Lance could reach and grab him, but he couldn't. Somehow, having Keith here, acting like they were old friends and nothing was wrong, was worse than the nightmares.
"It's going to be okay," He said again, and Lance wanted to believe him so badly it hurt. "I'll stay here until you fall asleep."
"You aren't real," Lance said again, wrapping his arms around himself tightly.
"Does it matter?" Keith moved to sit next to Lance. "I'm still here. And I'll still watch over you."
Lance felt like a child as he asked, "W-will you still be here when I wake up?"
"I'll always be here."
When Lance fell back asleep, he didn't have a single nightmare.
2.)
Battles weren't the same without Keith. Despite him being gone for a few months, Lance still expected to have his teammate covering his six and was often distracted by trying to find him on the battlefield.
It hadn't quite stuck that Keith wouldn't be there.
Allura had taken over as the pilot of the red lion, though her armor was pink. She didn't feel right wearing Keith's colors. Red was still depressed about the loss of her cub, and shut down as soon as she wasn't needed anymore. It was a miracle they'd finally convinced her to rejoin the fight at all.
It was difficult throwing the princess into a team that had been training together since day 1. She was still struggling to fly Red, and her battle skills her below the rest of the group. While Shiro was patient with catching her up, Lance couldn't help but think this wouldn't have happened if he'd been the one to go down instead of Keith.
They'd learned early on that they were unbalanced without their strong offense. It had always been annoying when Keith would charge headfirst into battle, challenging everyone that dared get in their way, but it turned to have been the thing that usually let their plans succeed. Without Keith drawing fire, the other members were too exposed.
That's what found Lance on the training deck, sword in hand, raging against a training droid.
His gun was too slow. While it was fast compared to any gun on Earth, it took too long to reload and re-aim when against the Galra. It was too awkward to easily swing around when crowded by enemies, too. So Lance made the executive decision to learn how to handle a sword just as well as Keith had, and take his place as a distraction. It was the least he could do.
Lance stumbled and fell as his sword connected to the droids, sending him sprawling on the floor. He hadn't gotten the hang of his new weapon yet.
"You're off balance."
Lance leaped to his feet with a startled squawk, head whipping around to find who had spoken. Keith was leaning casually against the wall, arms folded over his chest.
Lance blinked hard. Keith wasn't here. He couldn't be here.
"Did you hear me?" Keith pushed off the wall to stare critically at the blue paladin. "You're never gonna be able to use a sword if you're off balance."
"You aren't here."
He'd almost been able to convince himself that the night he'd seen Keith in his room was a dream. The idea that Keith really had been there and left before Lance woke up was not only unrealistic, but painful to think about.
"You're used to a gun," Keith continued. "Where you have to balance out the kickback. A sword is different. It's like an extension of your body. You need to be prepared for the follow-through."
"Go away." Lance turned his back, ready to square off with the droid again. Less than a minute later, he was back on the ground.
"When you swing, you aren't accounting for the sword's force or the opponent's weapon. Swinging hard and fast doesn't give you any control."
Lance groaned. "I thought I told you to go away."
"And I told you to fix your balance. Looks like we're both crappy listeners."
"First of all," Lance huffed, "You didn't tell me anything. You pointed something out. There's a difference. Second of all, I can't be a crappy listener when there isn't actually anyone here to listen to."
"And yet here we are, having a conversation," Keith smirked, and something inside Lance snapped.
"SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut up! You aren't here! We aren't having a conversation!"
"Getting angry will only make your attacks erratic," Keith pointed out nonchalantly. "Trust me- I'd know."
"No! No, you wouldn't! Because you aren't really here!" He swung the sword in agitation, spinning in a full circle when it's weight dragged him along.
"Off balance!" Keith sang arrogantly.
With a frustrated cry, Lance swung at the hallucination. Keith ducked out of the way, laughing.
"Better! Use your body as a counterweight." Lance swung again. "Good- but you're going too wide. Keep your movements sharp and precise."
Back and forth they went, Lance getting angrier and angrier every time Keith called out advice. This wasn't fair. This was cruel, actually. He felt bad enough as it was, his brain didn't need to keep projecting Keith into the real world. It wasn't fair to keep seeing him, hearing him, interacting with him like he was still here. Still alive. Still Lance's friend.
With a final outraged roar, Lance's sword cut through Keith, and he kept his balance.
"See!" Keith beamed. "I knew you could do it!"
"Lance?" Shiro's head popped in the doorway. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." Lance grit out, turning to him.
"I heard yelling. Who were you talking to?"
"Nobody," Lanced scanned the room just to confirm. No one was there. "Absolutely nobody."
3.)
Lance was going crazy- possibly literally. Twice he'd seen Keith- talked to him. He knew it wasn't real. He'd checked every record the castle logged; video, vitals, even sound waves. Keith wasn't there. But somewhere deep in his heart, Lance hoped there was a chance, no matter how small, that it was real.
The team was getting worried. They'd noticed how Lance looked around the room when he'd set up a joke, like he was waiting for some witty banter from Keith.
He was.
He wasn't sure what had conjured Keith the first 2 times, but he desperately wanted to figure it out. To see his mullethead again, even if he was a hallucination. For as mad as he'd been at them, their interactions had helped. Maybe Keith would never hear Lance apologize for what he'd done, but Hallucination-Keith did. Keith couldn't give Lance advice on sword fighting, but Hallucination-Keith could. And now, Lance was hoping he could help him with one last thing.
"I miss him," He whispered, leaning against Red. Since Keith's death, the two had bonded so much so that Lance was now her paladin while Allura piloted Blue.
Red nuzzled the top of his head with her nose. They didn't have the same bond she'd had with Keith- Lance could feel the void in their own connection. But one thing they shared was deep mourning for Keith.
"Am I going crazy?" Lance pulled Keith's jacket sleeves over his hands, flapping the extra fabric absently. Red purred low.
"Then what would you call it?"
A clank and grinding of gears.
"Rude! Did you use that same language with Keith?"
Red chuckled in her own red-lion kind of way.
The ghost of a smile crossed Lance's lips. He could imagine Keith flying around, laughing as he and Red swapped swear words. His heart hurt, and he knew Red was thinking the same thing.
"I've seen him… Heard him. Interacted with him. And yeah, I know that's crazy- I've double and triple checked and he's not actually here- but I swear I've seen him. Do you think ghosts exist? Space ghosts?"
"Yeah," Lance jumped and whipped around. Keith was leaning on Red's giant paw, stroking her gently. "You sound pretty crazy."
Lance's jaw dropped before a smile spread across his face. "Keith!"
Red whirred in confusion.
"Right there!" Lance pointed to Keith. "He's right there! Please, please tell you can see him, feel him, sense him, something!?
The lion clicked sadly, concern flooding their bond. Ice settled in his chest. "So, you really are a hallucination."
"I prefer the term 'Space Ghost,' actually." Keith's smile was broad, eyes glimmering in amusement.
Lance moved forward to hug him, knowing it wouldn't work, but still felt his heart shatter when it didn't. Falling on his knees, Lance sobbed at the hallucination's feet. Keith kneeled in front of him, uselessly reaching out in a vain attempt to help.
"It's okay, Lance," He shushed, sitting as close as he could to the crying paladin.
"It's not!" Lance felt like he couldn't breathe. "It's not, it's not, it's not! You-You're gone and I'm going cra-crazy and I'm never- I'm never-"
"Never what?"
"I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" The floodgates truly and completely broke and Lance screamed, every ounce of sorrow and guilt leaving his body.
"Lance, I'm right here, buddy."
"But you aren't- not really. You're only here because I wanted you to be."
Keith's eyebrows furrowed together, and Lance almost wanted to laugh. He'd forgotten how cute Keith looked when he was confused.
"I need you to do something for me." Lance sat up so he was looking Keith in the eyes.
"What's that?"
Lance took a shuddering breath. "I need you to leave. Forever."
"I thought you wanted to see me?"
"I do. God Keith, I want you to be here so bad. But you aren't really you. The real you is gone- floating out in space."
Hallucination-Keith's eyes were soft. "So why am I here?" Though it was phrased as a question, it was clear he knew the answer.
"I… I need to say goodbye." Fresh tears welled in his eyes. He'd thought he was ready for this. He was wrong.
The two boys stared at each other for a long moment. Red was making concerned noises, sensing the heartbreak her paladin was experiencing. Before she knew it, Lance was sobbing again.
"Why is this so hard?" He cried, hiding his face with his hands.
"It doesn't have to be." Keith's voice had never sounded more gentle.
"It doesn't?"
"Naw," Keith smiled, and Lance committed every detail to memory. "We just won't say goodbye. We'll just say… see you later."
Lance nodded, wiping away tears. "Okay. Okay. I like that." They lapsed into silence once again.
"Do you want me to say it first?" Keith offered.
Lance shook his head. "I have to say it. This won't work otherwise."
"Okay." Keith sat cross-legged in front of him.
Lance took that moment to look at Keith- really look at him. He drank in every fiber of Keith, building a perfect picture in his mind. He wanted to replace the last image he had to Keith with this one; relaxed, smiling, and happy. Finally, he was ready.
"I-I'll… I'll see you later."
Keith stood. "I'll see you later, Lance."
When he opened his eyes, the boy was gone. "Goodbye, Keith."
4.)
"Shiro?" Lance croaked into his comms unit. "Allura?" He tried again. "Pidge, Hunk, anyone? Please?"
Lance wasn't stupid. He wasn't naive. He was screwed, and he knew it. He'd been in a lot bad situations in the past few years, but this probably took the cake. Gunfire rained down, ash falling like snow. Screams echoed, and buildings exploded. The Galra were willing to sacrifice each and every life on this planet if it meant ending Voltron.
His mind was clouded, but he clung to the hope of reaching his team. It'd be hard, sure, but maybe the universe would take pity on Lance and let him talk to his friends. Let him imagine, if only for a moment, that he wasn't stranded on a foreign planet, with no idea where the rest of his team was, or if they were even alive.
"Can anybody hear me?" There was every chance they could and were responding, but it was hard to tell with the ringing in his ears. He wasn't sure what he'd say to them if they answered. 'Hey, guys- glad you're alive! Me? Oh, can't complain- it's just that the only thing protecting me in this giant boulder that happens to be pinning my leg. Oh, and also, there's a huge sword in my chest, and in case you were wondering, yes, it hurts.'
Lance didn't see a way out of this one. There was only so much the castle pods could do, and that was assuming his team was able to get him to one in time.
His brain was fuzzy, each thought struggling to get through the fog. A tear slid down his cheek as one thought solidified in his mind:
Keith.
Lance hadn't thought about him in years- not since he said goodbye in the lion hanger. Now, he was all he could think about. Was this how he felt when he died?
Did Keith also feel every fragment of shattered bone? Did Keith's head spin so badly, he felt sick? Did Keith call out for all of his friends as he slowly gave up hope of ever being found?
Lances tears came faster. It was only fair, he supposed, that he'd die the same way Keith had. He felt selfish as he closed his eyes and prayed he wouldn't also die alone.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, but he didn't know to who.
"LANCE!" Allura's shrill scream cut through his headache. "Where are you? Are you alive?"
"Allura?"
"Oh my God! Are you okay?"
Lance looked down at the sword jutting from his chest. "I've been better."
Pidge cursed. "How bad is it?"
Lance couldn't feel either of his legs now, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why that was bad. He rested his head on the rock. Now felt like an excellent time for a nap.
"We're coming to find you," Shiro announced. Lance could hear sounds of battle through the comms. "Any idea where you are?"
"Boulder. By the supply house." Suddenly blood rushed up his throat, leaving him coughing, screaming as the blade in his chest was jostled.
"LANCE!" Hunk was panicking. "Lance, oh God, oh God, we're gonna find you, and then get you in a pod, you're going to be alright, alright?"
Lance hummed in response. He was getting so, so tired. His eyes couldn't stay open, his breathing slowing down.
"Lance, stay awake," Shiro demanded. "Keep talking to us."
"Can't."
"Yes, yes you can. Stay awake, Lance. Keep talking to us, we're going to find you."
Lance looked at the sword in his chest again, flicking the blade and lazily watching it vibrate. "I hate to tell you this, but I think you're too late."
"DAMMIT, NO WE AREN'T!" Pidge yelled. "Not again!"
Hunk's voice shook as he said, "Listen here, Mr. Razzle Dazzle; You're gonna make it through this."
Lance closed his eyes, huffing a pained laugh at the nickname. "At least I'm not dying alone."
"You're not going to die!"
"And you were never alone." Lance opened his eyes to see two gorgeous onyx orbs looking down at him.
"Keith, hey," Lance gave a lazy smile, wiping the tears collected on his nose. "Haven't seen you in a while."
"I leave for two years, and this is what happens," Keith shook his head teasingly.
"I told you we were lost without you." He coughed again, frowning at the blood that came away on his palm. That wasn't good.
"Who are you talking to?" Allura asked. "Lance, what's going on?"
"It's all good guys. Keith's here."
The line was silent for a moment. "Did… did you say, Keith?"
"Yeah! Keith says hi- wait," Lance looked at the red paladin. "Do you wanna say hi?"
There were tears in Keith's eyes. He nodded.
"Yeah, Keith says hi." God, it was getting really hard to focus. Why were they here again?
Shiro cleared his throat. "What else is he saying?"
"Is there anything you want to say to the team?" Why was Keith crying?
"Just," the boy's voice broke. "Just that I miss them. And that I don't blame anyone- not even you."
He passed along the message. It sounded like his whole team was crying now.
"Lance?" Keith scooted closer. "You seem very… calm that I'm here."
"Mm. I didn't want to be alone. It's kind of sweet I hallucinated you."
Keith's chest hitched with a suppressed sob.
"Why are you crying?" Lance reached out, eyes flying open as his hand cupped Keith's cheek. "Oh my God… oh my God!" Despite the pain and tears, Lance threw his arms around Keith, laughing when he was met with a solid body. "You're really here!"
"Yeah, Lance," Keith gave a watery chuckle. "I'm here. I've always been here."
"You came!" Lance couldn't believe it. "I didn't want to die alone, and you came!"
"You aren't going to die!" Hunk shouted through the comms.
Lance pulled away. "I'm not going to be okay, am I?"
"Why don't you lay down?" Keith moved behind the blue paladin, letting his head rest on his chest. Lance cried out as the movement pulled his wound.
"You're going to be okay!" Pidge insisted.
"I am okay," Lance looked up at the reflection of fire burning in Keith's eyes. Nothing had ever looked more beautiful. "It's our job, right?"
Shiro sucked in a breath. "Don't say that. Don't you dare say that."
"It's alright, Shiro," Lance unstrapped his helmet. "I'll…" He glanced at Keith. "I'll see you later."
"Keep talking, Lance!"
"I- we- love you guys." With Keith's help, he pulled it off entirely and rolled it away. He couldn't bear to hear his team breakdown as they lost one of their own. Not again.
"Did you see my balance with my sword?"
"It was perfect. I knew you could do it."
Lance lifted a hand to run through Keith's hair; it was softer than he remembered. "Will it hurt?"
"No," tears dripped off Keith's chin, landing on Lance's forehead. "It's just like falling asleep."
"Mm. Sleep sounds nice."
"Just close your eyes. I'm here- I'll watch over you."
Lance closed his eyes, resting his forehead in the curve of Keith's neck. He felt safe. Warm. Protected. He held on as tightly as his failing body allowed, hoping to soothe the sobs wracking Keith.
"Hey, Keith?" Talking was proving to be almost impossible.
He sniffed. "Yeah?"
"Are we having a bonding moment?" His heart was slowing down.
"Well, I am cradling you in my arms."