Chapter 11
Mel's POV
The fog is dense to the point that I don't know how Daryl is able to navigate the uneven dirt road leading up to the highway but he somehow does manage and with a mastered skill I could never achieve. My grip on his waist has not loosened since leaving the farm, if anything it tightens each time he maneuvers the motorcycle to avoid a walker. To my eyes, they seem to come out of nowhere. It's maddening how they manage to hide within the fog until the small light from the front of his bike reveals their faces a brief second before they start reaching out for you. More than once I have felt their chilly fingers brush my arms before Daryl is able to move out of their reach.
It's not until several miles up the road that I start to notice the sightings of the dead are becoming more sporadic. A few stragglers here and there, an obvious sign that we are going away from the herd. I wait until I am sure we are in the clear before I try to speak. My first attempt is lost and drowned out by the rumble of the engine.
"Are we going to the highway?" I try to shout in spite of the tight dry feeling in my throat.
"Yeah" His voice travels clearly despite never taking his eyes off of the road ahead.
This is good, I say to myself. We can meet up with Beth and the others.
I saw Beth leave the farm.
If I saw her leave the farm then there is no reason why she wouldn't be there waiting for us.
Beth will be there along with Maggie, Hershel, Carl, Patricia, Carol, Jimmy, Laurie, Andrea, Glen, and Rick.
All of them got out and will be there.
The sky is still dark but the road becomes smoother and the ominous feeling of the headlight bouncing off the fog lessens.
It's like stepping into another dimension when we clear the woods. I'm surprised to see the sea of cars abandoned on the highway. My vision is still limited but it reminds me of when I would watch the hurricane evacuations on television when I was younger. Car after car trying to escape the chaos.
Daryl starts to weave between the cars. Not knowing what I will see, I try my best to avoid looking inside the vehicles but despite my efforts I still catch sight of a child's car seat in the back of a red sedan. The door left wide open and something dark brown smeared on the window.
Afraid that next time I might find a more gruesome discovery, I close my eyes and all but bury my face into Daryl's back. The break from the cold wind whipping my face is a relief I didn't know I needed when the stinging feeling on my cheeks start to set in as the numbness wears off.
Daryl's POV
The idea to keep driving has ran through my mind more than a few times since my wheels hit the highway. I could just take the girl with me and forget about Rick and the others. We don't owe them a damn thing.
It's a troubling thought I've had more often then not since bringing her to the farm.
Between the drama of everyone else and all the petty bullshit, she seems to be the only one with enough sense to solely focus on trying to stay alive. It'd probably be a hell of a lot easier with it being just us and I would only have to worry about keeping two asses safe instead of the whole lot of them.
I stop the bike in the grass median and turn off the engine. The car that we left supplies for Sophia on is still a few miles ahead so this could be my last chance to leave unnoticed- if that is the route we chose to go. When both of my feet hit the solid ground, the girl loosens the vicelike hold she had on me.
I'll leave it up to the girl to decide what we do. She's the one that has had to deal with the most bullshit from these people.
"Ever been on a bike 'fore now?" I ask while tapping out the last of my cigarettes from the smashed pack.
"No."
I knew the answer. It's obvious this was her first ride but I'm just trying to stall while I think of a way to put my offer out there in a way that doesn't make me look too much like a heartless asshole.
"What do you want to do?" I ask while exhaling the calming lungful of smoke. The question is vague but I know she will fill in the unspoken on her own "Leavin it up to you."
I can't see her face behind me but by her quick intake of breath I envision she started to chew on her bottom lip, forgetting that it is busted.
Her response is quick and because she is a better person than me I'm not at all surprised by her answer.
"We should make sure the others got out. Try to find everyone."
"Why?" I want her to be sure. It's one thing to feel indebted to people but she needs to weigh the many cons and the few pros. "You don't owe them anything."
The southern night fills the silence for a few minutes as I wait for her to answer.
"Beth. She was my sisters best friend." Her voice is tight. I'm sure it's thanks to her rising emotions "She is all I have left of her."
The cigarette is down to the filter when I flick it onto the pavement.
"Alright."
I can't argue with that. Hell, the whole reason I kept this loud as fuck bike is because it's the last thing I have of Merle. With that thought I kick the bar up and wait for her to hold on before starting off.
Mel's POV
The highway is a literal maze and just like on the dirt road Daryl is navigating it with a confidence that I do not or ever will possess. In a way, I think I can chalk the calming of my nerves up to being completely focused on not falling off the back of Daryl's bike. Thanks to that detour in attention it almost feels like what happened at the farm took place decades ago instead of the mere hours that it has actually been.
Despite the lapse in time, the ride on the highway seems to go on forever and all of the 'what ifs' are starting to repeat inside my mind.
As a way to keep my mind quiet, I try to keep a watchful eye out for any stray walkers that might stumble into our path but everything around us is eerily stagnant which just manages to make my anxiety rise. Still, I refuse to think about Beth not being at the meeting point when we get there.
'She will be there' I tell myself again for the hundredth time.
I have to believe it because the other option is one that I will not be able to recover from. It will without a doubt absolutely break me. Just thinking about it is making my hands shake and for the first time since getting on the back of this bike I want Daryl to go faster.
I register that Daryl is slowing down and I lift my head to look over his shoulder but I am too short and not daring enough to lean off to the side of his bike to see what is up ahead.
When Daryl stops the bike at an angle I see the group of people in front of us. Even though I have been repeating in my head non-stop that Beth made it out, I can't stop the tears that are gathering in the corner of my eye when I see the head of blonde.
The urge to jump off of the back of the bike to make sure she is really here is overwhelming but I stop myself when I notice she is being sandwiched in between her father and her sister.
This is their family, I am an outsider.
Feeling like I am intruding on the family scene I look around to see Rick and Lorie doing something similar to Carl. Glen, Carol, and T-Dog are talking and it sounds like Andrea, Patricia, and Jimmy didn't make it out. What is more disturbing to me is that no one seems to be mourning or is even upset at this news. I understand that they are happy to be alive themselves but knowing that if it was me that didn't make it- I would share the fate of the overlooked which brings mixed feelings. A small blip of acknowledgment that I was dead and nothing more is how my life would be remembered.
My thoughts are sidetracked when Rick walks over to Daryl. A quick nod is the greeting between the two and I realize that they might want to talk in private. With absolutely zero grace and a near face plant I manage to climb off the back of the bike. My legs feel like jelly and my skin is numb from the exposed air hitting it but I make myself take a few steps away from the two so they can speak.
There is movement up ahead and I know that it is a walker. The top of the bobbing head is visible above the sea of cars. A shout of surprise leaves my mouth when a whirlwind of blonde hair tackles me from the side.
"I was so worried about you. Are you okay? I couldn't find you. What happened to you?" Beth's questions are asked one after the next with no space in between for me to give an answer.
So, I settle with just returning the hug and give a tiny a smile over her head toward Hershel.
"We can't stay here. If another herd comes through here we might as well be sitting ducks." Scared murmurs fill the air and Lorie brings Carl closer to her hip.
"Let's get moving." This time Rick's deep voice commands attention and everyone stops their side conversations to listen to him, "If we stay off the main roads then it should be safer."
I watch as everyone gathers into a circle to discuss what the plan is going to be. Beth's grip on my hand forces me to join the crowd but I am grateful be to be in the outer circle of the group.
By the time the meeting is done the sun is starting to rise, making it feel like last night took place years ago. It has been decided that we will head east and that staying away from main roads and big cities is in all of our best interests.
"You'll ride with us Mel." Beth has finally let go of my hand but only because we were condensing everything in the four vehicles down to just two cars. "It will be a little cramped but we can manage."
I haven't spoken since we rejoined the group but I don't think anyone really expects me to suddenly become chatty Cathy. My social skills have definitely hit an all time low since the apocalypse started but Beth's comments make me look around.
Rick and his family are in a Bronco with Carol and T-Dog while Hershel and his family are sharing some newer model SUV with Glen. It's as I watch Daryl tying the last of the luggage onto the top of the car that I start to wonder.
I wonder if he feels like I did when we just reunited with everyone? Watching everyone from the sidelines with that pang of guilt for feeling that sudden hit of bitterness. Was he wondering why everyone else deserves to have their family with them but not you.
Or maybe it's just me and I am being petty but he's mentioned having a brother and presumably that brother is dead which potentially makes him just like me.
Alone.
"Actually Beth I think I am going to ride with Daryl." I give her a hasty hug before she can respond. Everyone starts to load into their cars as I run past them. The swift jog up to Daryl starts to fill me with second thoughts and I am tempted to turn around and climb into the last car with Beth but I find myself standing beside a slightly less intimidating motorcycle instead.
Daryl is already on the bike. His eyes meet mine and I imagine this is what a squirrel feels like when Daryl has them in their sights. The blue eyes are intense, it's almost like he is trying to read my thoughts.
"The cars…they are kind of full…and I was wondering…I mean I can squeeze into one but can I…"
I have never felt so incoherent in all my life and honestly the thought of climbing into one of those packed sardine cans is making my newly developed claustrophobia come to the forefront.
"You know what never mind. I'll-I'll just ride with Beth. Sorr-"
"The temperature ain't improving none. There should be an extra shirt in here." Daryl reaches out with a bag in his hand before scooting forward to make room for me behind him on his bike.
Hearing the three quick beeps coming from the car behind prompts me to tap Daryl on the shoulder but he is already slowing down before my finger makes contact.
We've been riding non-stop for the past four hours and I'm sure I am sporting an attractive runny nose but I can't feel my face to be certain.
As soon as the engines cut off everyone climbs out of their overpacked vehicles. Even I take the opportunity to stand up to try and gain some feeling back into my backside. I never knew how physically demanding riding on a motorcycle was.
"You out?" Daryl asks Rick as he steadies the bike for me to climb off.
"Been running on fumes for miles." Rick answers and as soon as he finishes his sentence the group starts to fire off comments.
-"We can't stay here."
-"We can't all fit into one car."
-"Is this a good place to be stopping?"
-"We can't spend the night here."
Rick ignores the unhelpful remarks and starts his own side conversation with Daryl. Carl follows his dad and I catch him looking up at me as the two talk in hushed whispers.
My interaction with the kid has been minimal up until this point. We've played a couple of board games but I feel like he is holding back with me. I watch him interact with Beth and it's like they've known each other for a while but with me he seems cautious.
Carl looks at me again but this time I try to give him my best smile. I think it worked because he returns mine with one of his own.
Unintentionally I overhear Rick say, "We will stay here tonight and, in the morning, we'll make a run for gas."
Apparently, I am not the only person to overhear this part of the conversation because everyone starts to raise their concerns at Rick's plan. It's like all of the tension and stress from last night is hitting everyone all at once and the only way they can let it out is by yelling at Rick. Carl takes a step away from the group of people moving in on his dad, in doing so he puts himself closer to me.
The oversized hat on his head makes him look even younger than he already is.
"I'm freezing." Carl mumbles and the slight tremble to his lip makes me believe him.
I take off the second outer shirt Daryl had me put on, which I am very grateful for, and hand it to Carl. The heat I was collecting inside the fabric seems to disappear instantly and if I was a lesser person I'd take back my offer.
The voices from the others are getting louder. Rick's body language is making it clear that he is on the edge. The dried blood on his temple is doing little to make his head jerks seem normal. Especially since I do not see an open wound on his head. If I didn't know any better I might be a little more frightened that Rick's gun was in his hand with the way he is acting.
"I bet we can make a fire." Carl puts on my shirt while I offer a wink, hoping to distract the kid of the man being yelled at.
Everyone's grandiose ideas are being thrown around until Hershel's strong voice speaks up. Effectively managing to silence everyone else.
"Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick"
Rick nods a quick thank you to the eldest man before laying out his plan, "We'll set up a perimeter. In the morning, we'll find gas and some supplies. Keep pushing on."
"Glen and I can go make a run now. Try and scrounge up some gas." Maggie's eyes are wide open while holding the shotgun close to her chest. I know that she is scared but I also have no words of comfort for her.
"No. We stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car." The mumbling starts up again "Look. I know it looks bad. We've all been through hell and worse but at least we found each other. We're together and we keep it that way. There's gotta be a place. A place we fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together, and build a life for each other. I know it's out there we just have to find it but for tonight we will set up camp over there."
I recognize the desperation in Rick's voice. His family has an expiration date if a place isn't found. We all have a lot to lose but, in my opinion, he has the most. Lorie is pregnant and a baby out in the open is signing all of our death warrants.
"What if walkers or another group like Randall's comes through?"
I know that it is just a name. Nothing more than a word but hearing it still brings his face to my mind and my hands start to tremble. Luckily the chill of the wind picks up and I think I can pass it off as being too cold.
Daryl's POV
"If you go out looking for firewood stay close. Only got so many arrows." I take the second it takes the girl to nod to make sure that her knife is on her hip before I feel comfortable letting her walk into the woods with Beth and Rick's kid.
The girl is smart enough on her own but I also know that she is the type of person to step in front of a runaway train to save someone else and I'll be damned if that is going to be what takes her out.
I know that the firewood is a way to get herself and the other two away from all of the bullshit happening right now. All of the whispers and doubt being thrown toward Rick. It ain't good for any of us.
I've gotta say, for a lot of people worryin so much they sure as hell ain't doin shit to get ready before nightfall. Just seem to be doin a lot of standing around, looking scared while holding guns. Guns that I know for a fact have no ammo in some of 'em but I'm not goin to be the one to bust their bubble of delusion. As long as they are shutting the hell up and not bringing attention to us they can strip naked and lather themselves in honey for all I care.
As soon as I think the thought, I want to take it back.
It happens when the girl walks back into camp holding an armful of tinder. A branch snaps and the end of three different guns are instantly pointed at her. She notices and holds the tinder closer to her chest but doesn't stop moving until her body is standing directly in front of her two charges.
"Get your fucking finger off the trigger." T-Dog is the closest to me and as soon as he starts to lower the rifle I take it out of his hands. "Your jumpiness is going to get us all killed."
I don't even bother to listen to whatever bullshit he tries to stutter out. Instead, I check and see that the weapon is loaded which manages to piss me off even more.
"Jesus Christ people get your shit together." I turn to the others "By the way you are all acting a mouse could fart and you'd unload everything bringing a whole herd down on us with it."
T-Dog has the decency to look ashamed before moving toward the girl to take the bundle from her arms.
"Sorry bout that—Just a little rattled is all."
"I understand." Despite the small forgiving smile, her voice reveals how unnerved she actually is after having the guns pointed at her.
It's not until the sun completely disappears from the sky that everyone goes quiet. Afraid that even a whisper will bring out every scary thing their minds have been imagining. The fire is at least hidden behind the partial remaining walls of an old mill tower we're huddled up in.
It seems that the shitiness of our situation has finally settled in with everyone because there was not one complaint when our dinner consisted of just three cans of lima beans split between the eleven of us. Personally, I didn't taste anything while eating my portion but I've always seen food as something that keeps me alive and not as a luxury. I noticed the girl portioned her own food on the smaller side as she was dishing it out, making sure Lorie, Beth, and Carl took some of hers I'm sure.
"What happened to Shane?" Carl asks after a not so subtle grimace from swallowing a spoonful of green mush.
Without realizing it the girl moves closer and pulls my vest tighter around her when Shane's name is said.
I can feel the eyes on me. Waiting for me to answer the kids' question.
The last they remember is me claiming Shane dead after pulling a trigger.
"I killed him." Rick answers. Surprising the hell out of me and everyone else. "I killed Shane."
"Was he bit?"
"He had turned, that's when Daryl shot him, but he wasn't bit." Carl starts to cry and Lorie holds him like she can protect him from what comes next "He let Randall loose and sent Mel into the woods. He planned it. Was willing to sacrifice Mel just so he could come after me. Wanted to prove—that he was right all along. He was my friend, my-my brother for Christ's sake but I had no choice. I killed him and he turned. My hands are clean."
"How is that possible?" I'm the one to ask this time. Thinking that Rick is trying to cover for me because I know for a fact that Shane was walking when I pulled that trigger.
"It doesn't matter if we are bit. If we die…we-we're all infected."
With those last three words the silence is broken and a unified, "What?", is asked from almost everyone.
Rick just raises his voice to continue as if our already fucked world didn't just get turned upside down for us to get fucked in another hole.
"At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it. I know you are all upset but would it have made a difference? I mean how could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo-"
"That was not your call to make—You knew this whole time—Why didn't you tell us?" I head the questions but the rush in my ears drowns out most of it as I replay Ricks revelation.
"It doesn't matter." Her voice barely more than a whisper but it still manages to grab the attention of everyone sitting around the fire. "It doesn't matter. Everyone is so hung up on finding everything wrong with Rick's decisions but from what I've seen, you all also depend on him an awful lot. You are so quick to turn to him when you're in trouble but you're just as quick to throw him under the bus for trying to keep you safe. Together. Alive. It's not easy out here by yourself but I'm sure Rick wouldn't care if you tried to find out on your own. I'm also pretty sure we need Rick more than he needs us."
What she says shocks the hell out of me. It's the most I have heard the girl talk in a while. Definitely the most I've heard her say in front of the others. Maybe that is why her words seemed to make a difference—the quiet ones seem to only voice when it matters. They have no time for bullshit so their words carry more weight.
Her words carry more weight.