Hi Guys, If you read both my stories you'll already have seen this message when I updated "Yes sir".
I've been pretty bad at updating recently and for that I apoligise. I'm trying I promise. Between my grounding the other week and my laptop completely dying on me a few days ago it's been pretty difficult trying to write as I hate using my phone or tablet. And all my plans for my stories are on the laptop that won't switch on anymore, I'm awaiting the hard drive being recovered and along with it my notes etc.
On another note, I was asked on my other story to do a version of DD lifestyle for Stellaride, I'm pleased to say I had managed to get some of the first chapter written up before my laptop died and onto this site in my documents, I will be uploading that shortly too.
On to my last point and then I'll let you get on with reading, I'm going to be writing three different stories therefore will be cutting back on the amount of updates each one gets in a week. I want to try for at least one per story per week. And make it so that they are more regular for you guys. I'm thinking maybe of doing updates for "Yes Sir" on a Monday, "Saving Stella" on a Thursday and my new story on a Sunday? Does that sound ok?
Obviously if I get the chance to write and update more often I will but I don't want to commit to it if I can't keep up with doing so.
I'm really enjoying writing this story as I feel so much more could have been done with the whole Grant being possessive and weird with Stella situation on the show. They had the opportunity to write and show that people from all walks of life go through these things and like so many other tough subjects they glossed over it quickly without getting much further than surface level. I also feel they missed out on the relationship between Dawsey and Stellaride, the four of them would quite clearly have been epic together. I mean who doesn't love watch some double dating going on? But mainly they missed out on showing the friendships between Stella and Gabby and Gabby and Severide. I'm hoping I can bring them some justice here, especially Gabby and Stella, I mean the "Dawson's a nasty influence" comment had so many ways we could have lead into their history and the trouble they could get into together.
So without further a do here we go, I hope you like it.
Kelly awoke with a start, the whimpering coming from the woman next to him being his first indication that everything was anything but alright.
"Stella" he said quietly, gently shaking her shoulder. "Stella. Wake up baby!"
Although after a few short minutes he realised it was no good. He was unable to get her to wake up with gentle movements, he sighed to himself as he realised he'd need to physically wake her in anyway possible, he flicked the lamp on next to him, the harsh light flooding the dark room around them.
"Stella" he said a bit louder but he wasn't expecting the reaction he got. Stella jumped upwards almost immediately, her eyes focused on the bedroom door as she screamed. Her screaming only getting louder as he reached out for her, his touch causing her to flinch away from him.
"NO" she shouted, "Get away from me!"
"Stella" Kelly soothed, "it's me, Kelly. You're safe."
But it was no good, he could tell she wasn't fully aware of her surroundings. The woman before him in a state of half asleep, half awake, her conscious stuck in limbo somewhere between the two and all he could do was wait for her to come out of it herself. It had been the same for the past few nights, Stella waking in a sweaty blind panic, the woman unable or unwilling to express what had got her in such a state. Kelly, Matt and Gabby being woken several times each evening, all three of them doing everything they could to help her through whatever emotions she was left dealing with afterwards. On a few occasions Gabby and her had fallen asleep on the couch, the two women having chatted for a little while before succumbing to their exhaustion. Stella finding it easier to talk to Dawson some nights, and others all she wanted was him, unfortunately none of them ever knew which version of her was going to come out, and it seemed like her sleep was getting worse and worse.
The bedroom door opened several minutes later, Stella still staring at the door as if someone were already there. The soft lighting from the landing bathing the room in even more light. As Gabby entered the room.
"Is she ok?" she asked, her face clouded with concern.
"I think she's still in whatever dream it was. She won't let me near her" Kelly replied sadly, moving out of the bed so that Dawson could try.
"I've got her, why don't you go help Matt, he said he was going to make some tea."
"Thank you Dawson."
"No need to thank me, I've got her, it's ok." She assured him, the man looking at her with concern and unsurity before turning to exit the room.
Gabby sat down next to Stella, the slight dip in the bed causing her friends eyes to snap towards her, the fear shining in them telling her all she needed to know.
"Stella" she said carefully, her hand reaching out to lightly rest on her shoulder, "Stella, it's Gabby."
"He was... he was here." she stuttered, pointing across to the bedroom door. "He was right there, laughing at me."
"He wasn't Stella it was a dream, I promise you Grant wasn't here."
She watched as her friend linked together the pieces in her head, she'd gone to bed, Kelly had been next to her. She'd been dreaming, and then she wasn't. It made no sense to her, it had felt so real, so... so like he was right there. She could smell him, she could touch him, his harsh laughter still ringing in her ears as if he was right next to her but then he wasn't. Suddenly it was Gabby was next to her, her eyes adjusting as she focused on her friends face.
"Where's Kelly" she asked suddenly, her brain catching up to the fact that he was no longer in the bed with her.
"He's gone to make some tea, he's with Matt." Dawson reassured, "you didn't want him anywhere near you. We thought it was best I dealt with it."
"I'm sorry." She whispered turning to look away.
"Hey" she said, pulling her friends face back round to her, "you don't need to be sorry. We're concerned about you and the fact that you aren't sleeping. I think maybe we need to talk?"
"I don't want to." Stella snapped suddenly. Gabby had been trying to gently persuade her into talking after Antonio had turned up at their doorstep, and the more nightmares, and panic attacks she witnessed the more she tried, but each and every time she'd been met with the same response, Stella shutting down and insisting she was fine or that she just didn't want or need to talk.
"Stella.." she started, her words being cut off when the woman before her stood up abruptly.
"I'm fine, I don't need to talk about my feelings or whatever other shit you want me to do." She snapped.
"It will help if you get it off your chest, tell me what the dream was."
"No it won't" she yelled, stomping towards the doorway. "I don't know what you want me to say, that I was an idiot, that I allowed him to beat me up, time and time again. That I fucking deserved everything I got. Because I'd get him the pills when he was out. I already know all of that and speaking about it isn't going to change that fact. I was a fucking idiot ok! There I said it."
Gabby sat on the bed stunned as she watched her friend walk out of the room and round the corner, she knew that there was a lot of pent up anger in her. Damn she didn't blame her, she'd be angry to if it were her. But that was defiantly not what she expected to happen when she approached the subject, sure she expected the usual lines, the 'I don't want to talk', 'I'm fine' etc etc. But yelling like that, that wasn't something she'd thought would happen, and it scared her. Not so much the shouting, Stella had every right to scream and shout about everything that had happened to her, it was beyond horrible. No that wasn't what scared her, it was the bitter words she'd used, the way she had taken the blame and put it on herself, the way she had spoken about herself, that was what worried her because in all the weeks since she woke up in the hospital she had done the same thing. Each time she'd spoken about anything, on those rare occasions she had tried to open up, she'd shouldered that blame, and it didn't sit well with Gabby, it didn't sit well at all.
She thought back to the night the police found Grant's car, that night four nights ago that had shocked them all and left them all speechless for a while. They'd sat in silence after Antonio left, Gabby and Stella wrapped in the comfort of both of their men's arms as they processed the evenings events. When the silence was broken it had been for Stella to fall into a spiel about how this was all her fault and if she'd just been able to do as he wished.
"... I caused this. Everything he said on that voicemail, it's my fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut! If I'd just done everything he asked we wouldn't be here now."
"Stella none of this is your fault. Grant he has a problem, you are not the cause of that problem."
"Yes but I helped feed that problem, I could have done more to help him."
"Stella!" Gabby said firmly the woman's voice shocking them all. "I will say this once and once only. What Grant did to you, everything he did none of that is on you. The drugs didn't cause everything, somewhere inside him this version of himself was there. The drugs possibly amplified it but they did not cause it and neither did you. Do you understand me? You are an amazing person, one of the fiercest, strongest and bravest people I know."
It was all the young firefighter could do to nod her head, the woman having little fight left in her, she didn't believe what they were telling her. How could this not possibly be her fault, how could everything that had happened not be her fault? Grant had told her every single time he landed a slap, punch or kick to her that she had caused it, that if she had just done what he asked they could have prevented everything. So how was this any different?
Dawson had known that night that her friend hadn't believed what she'd been told, the paramedic almost certain that the short nod she had received in response to her speech was nothing more than a impulsive reaction to stop the topic being discussed any further and as much as she hated dropping it, she had. Her training teaching her that in these incidents it was a much better and safer option to allow the person, the abused, to come to you instead of trying to extract information from them. And so that's what she had done, that's what they had all mostly done, they'd stayed quiet only discussing topics brought forward by Stella and otherwise avoiding anything to do with the events of that evening, apart from those times she'd woken like she had tonight. On those occasions Gabby had tried to get her to open up, tried to convince her it was ok and safe to talk about how she was feeling and each time she'd been met with the same line, the same 'I'm ok, I don't need to talk'. But if anything was proven tonight, proven by the nightmare that had awoken them all and Stella's quickness to shut her down, it was that she wasn't coping. The firefighter was losing the battle to just ignore the subject completely and a time was coming where it would over flow, Gabby unable to shake the feeling that, that day was coming a lot sooner than any of them had ever anticipated.
Stella was running down the trial of Lincoln park the woman having expressed her need to get out early in the day and although she'd been met with some uncertainty from her friends, she'd insisted that she'd be ok. It was a path she'd run repeatedly over the years, the woman long ago finding that it gave her enough of a work out without completely taking everything out of her. And since her doctor had ok'd her going back to her usual regime of fitness training she wanted to keep to where she knew. The woman deciding that it was wise to start on a more level ground, while also figuring being near the waters edge would be good for her. It wasn't a long trail and she was only planning on one lap, but as she neared the end of the first one she'd gone again, and then again. The woman currently running it for the fourth time in a row, her body easing from the tension it had been holding the longer she went.
She'd not even really been paying attention to how far she'd gone when her fitness app called out her latest distance and time, the woman shocked to hear just how fast she had been running. She decided to get to the next bench and stop for a bit, realising it was probably a good idea if she texted at least one of her new roomies to tell them she was ok, and where she was in case they were getting worried. She also figured it was a good enough work out for one day, her fitness app telling her she'd currently run just over thirteen miles.
As she flopped onto the bench her phone began to ring, Stella pulling it from the strap on her arm to see who it was before answering.
"Hey" she said, pressing the button on her head phones.
"Hi you ok?"
"Yeah I'm good. Sorry I didn't realise how long I'd been out until just now, I was just sitting down to text one of you."
"That's ok, I thought I'd phone before Dawson sent out the search party she's been pacing the floor for the past half an hour."
Stella chuckled slightly, no matter what she had said to her friend in the early hours she was thankful for all the support and comfort they were giving her, even if at times she pushed them away. It wasn't that she meant to or because she wanted to but because she didn't want them in the cross hairs if anything happened again. She was scared what Grant would do, would have done if he got to them. She hadn't heard anything from the police and to her knowledge nothing further in the investigation had happened but something told her he wasn't gone. Something in her gut told her that her friends were right, that Antonio had been right in what he had said and this was all part of a greater master plan to lull her into a false sense of security. And the note that was hidden in the book she was reading back at the apartment only sealed that fact for her.
"I'm ok" she reassured him, Kelly chuckling slightly on the other end of the phone as Dawson's voice filtered through in the background. The woman demanding to know where she was and why she'd been gone so long.
"Tell her she can come join me if she likes" Stella told him, "I'm on the trail we run together, tell her I'm just by the last straight on the far bench by the water."
She listened as Kelly recalled the information to their friend, the brunette smiling when she heard the jiggle of keys, the sound telling her that Gabby would be with her shortly even before Severide confirmed as much.
"She says to stay where you are, she'll be there soon." He told her, "You sure you're ok?"
"I'm fine Kelly honestly, I just need to speak with her that's all. The run helped clear the fog I've been living in, but I'm good. I'd tell you if I wasn't."
"Ok, I worry about you, you know? That's never going to change."
"I know and I love you for it, I do. I just needed this time today, I just need my girlfriend right now."
"I get it, Gabby is probably more equipped in what to say to help you anyway, just never forget I'm here too."
"I won't" she confirmed again, the woman letting a lazy grin rest on her face.
The two of them chatting casually for a little while, Kelly not really wanting to come off the phone until Gabby arrived. The man still uneasy about Stella being out by herself even after all of the reassurances she had given him earlier and currently on the phone. He always felt better when she had someone with her, and even though he knew in less than a week he would be returning to shift he couldn't help but shake the fact that they still were none the wiser to what had happened to Grant or about his whereabouts. The forensics of the car coming back with nothing as expected, the vehicle being submerged in the water for too long to leave anything viable behind.
"Hey girl" Gabby said as she arrived next to her.
"Hey" Stella replied smiling back at her, "Kelly, Gabs is here so I'm going to go ok? I'll see you later."
"Ok, stay safe." He replied hanging up on his end.
"You ok?" Gabby asked sitting down next to her friend.
"Just got a bit carried away running, I was kinda lost in my head for a while."
"Anything you'd like to share?"
Stella nodded her head gently, the woman trying to figure out where to start. "I'm sorry about earlier" she blurted out suddenly.
"I keep telling you, you don't need to apoligise to me."
"I know you do, maybe it's an old habit but either way I'm sorry." She repeated, "I came out here because I needed to process the dream I had last night, process some things that have been swarming my mind ever since Antonio left the other night."
"And did it work?"
"It did" she nodded gently, her focus out at the water, the gentle movement of the pond captivating her and making it easier to talk. "When Antonio told us they'd found Grants car a part of me didn't believe that he would have driven into that river, I couldn't, no I wouldn't believe he would have done something like that. Despite what I said that night, what I've said ever since I don't think he is brave enough to take his own life. And I know you all already said this but it took me longer to get there than the rest of you. I don't think he is dead, I don't think he was ever in that car to begin with and if he was it was to throw us off the scent. He can't swim." She held back from recalling the events of the night after Antonio turned up, the night three days ago when she sat in the dead of night int he kitchen unable to sleep, the night she got that note she was thinking of earlier, the note that had triggered her most recent nightmare.
"What? You never said anything about that before?"
"No I know, maybe it was what was making the other part of me believe he had done it. But no he can't swim, in fact he is absolutely petrified of the water. Always has been as long as I've known him. So that was something I was struggling to process, why would he have chosen water? Surely an overdose would have been more likely, I mean he's pretty hooked on the oxy, it would have made more sense and would have been a lot easier. Why chose water when he knows that I know he can't go near it without freaking out? And when I started to think about it that's when I realised you were all right it probably was this big ploy to get everyone to settle down, and leave me more open to him. I mean with him presumed dead how long will it be until the details are withdrawn? Look at today, I came out here and was allowed to run this track for over an hour without any police detail."
Gabby chuckled slightly, "They are here Stella, they are just well hidden. And they are obviously doing their job well if you didn't even spot them."
Stella's head whipped around at the new information, the woman searching the crowds for any faces she found familiar but she came up empty. "Where?" she questioned still scanning around.
"Look over by the zoo entrance, you see those two guys?" Gabby asked pointing out a scrawny looking man in a black tracksuit stretching and another bulkier man seemingly instructing him.
"Yeah?"
"They are undercover's, work out the district with Antonio. One is Fielder and the other Rose, they are just out of the academy so less likely to be made by anyone that knows them in uniform. Then over there by the lake with the pushchair? That's Blakely, she's been on the job a little longer but does a lot of these type of gigs, then there are three or four others dotted around the trail. When you told us where you were heading Kelly called Antonio who had them down here before you'd even started your first lap."
"Wow, I had no idea."
"If Grants plan was for us to back off and leave you alone he's failed, no one believes that he drove his car into the river, no believes he's dead and no believes he's quite finished yet." Gabby told her, the women both staring across the open water. "So if you think we are just remember today, remember how even if you think no one is watching they are. And if it feels like they aren't then they are just doing their jobs properly and we have more chance in catching him. Because I think he's going to surface before long. I'm not saying it to scare you but he isn't the most patient man and its already been three days, the longer he waits the more ready they are going to be to take him down."
"Do you really think he'll wait much longer?" Stella asked quietly, Dawson's words washing over her as she took in everything she thought to be true, and everything she now knew wasn't.
"No, honestly I think he's waiting for some opportunity, some opening to you."
"Like Kelly returning to work?"
Dawson nodded, that was exactly when she thought he would resurface, what better time to strike then when she'd be alone for twenty four hours. The rest of them on shift and across town. "I think so" she confirmed.
"I'm scared Gabby, so scared."
"I know you are" She responded pulling her friend into her side, "I can see it in your eyes when I look at you, or in the way you jump a mile if the door goes. You have been trying to hide it, but honestly we've all seen straight through this tough outer layer you've put around yourself. Kelly especially, he says you aren't sleeping great? That you're having more bad dreams than you are letting us in on?"
Stella sighed, she knew he probably knew. The woman suspecting he had woken every time she had even if he'd pretended not to, Gabby's words only confirming those suspicions for her. "I thought he was asleep."
"Yeah not much sleeping has been going on between any of us" She said scrunching her nose up slightly. "You want to talk about what's been keeping you awake?"
"Much of the same, sometimes I can just stop myself from screaming." She admitted, the truth finally coming out after days of her avoiding the subject. "I keep having the same dream over and over. It's the middle of the night and I wake up, he's there in the doorway of our room. I'm alone and I scream but no one hears me, or if they do no one comes. He just stands there laughing at me, he doesn't even touch me or say anything, he just laughs. I don't know why it scares me so much but it does."
"It scares you because in your subconscious mind you thought everyone had backed off, that everyone had fallen for his suicide act. Because in five days time Kelly will be returning to fifty one, and you will be in all sense and purposes alone in the apartment for the duration of shift."
"When did you get so insightful?" She asked, her eyebrow raising at the near psychological explanation the paramedic beside her had just given her, Gabby's years of training and working ambo apparently playing off and helping her understand the complexity of this situation more than anyone else, even more than the person it was happening to.
"I just listen, all those hand offs to Dr Charles over the years have kinda helped." she shrugged, "Listen, Grant he's in here" she said pointing to her friends head, "as much as we all want to believe that he isn't, that he doesn't have that ability anymore. He does. And the only way you are going to get through this is with help, from us, and maybe someone more professional."
"I don't want to see a shrink" Stella defended, the woman seeing just which direction this conversation was going. "Look I know Dr Johnson suggested it but I'm not at a point where I'm ready to discuss everything in detail and have it analysed by somebody, maybe I will be one day but at the minute I'm not ready."
"And that's ok, I'm not suggesting I march you down there right this minute but I do want you to think about it. Really think about it, I know it's different. Like completely different but when we lost Shay, when she died because we'd switched places I bottled so much up and it almost killed me, it almost destroyed who I was, who I am. It almost ruined everything I had worked so hard to achieve and build. Talking helped. I was in the same frame of mind as you are right now, that I didn't want to talk, I didn't think anyone could help me but the chaplain he helped, his kind words, his understanding and his guidance it helped me get through it. And I really think that someone could help you through this but like I said I won't force you."
Stella nodded her head slowly, she knew what she was being told was true, if she was truly going to get over and through everything she had lived with she needed to actually do something about it, you can't deal with things if you completely block them out, the only thing that would ever achieve is everything blowing back up in your face, usually when you least expected it. "I know what you're saying is right and I promise I will think about it."
"That's all I'm asking." Gabby said smiling back at her, "now how about we head home, you can't be warm anymore."
Stella chuckled loudly, "No I'm a little cold I must admit."
"Come on, the car is over there, I thought it was best to drive down."
"I'm grateful that you did."
Kelly flopped down onto the couch next to her, the man looking thoroughly exhausted even though they hadn't particularly done much throughout the day. With Matt and Gabby having been gone since early this morning for shift, the two had spent the day relaxing around the house together. Kelly getting some odd jobs done for the young couple who's home they were currently staying in. Stella wasn't sure if he was just tired through lack of sleep or the fact that in the month he hadn't been working he really hadn't done much physically exercise besides walking to and from the kitchen but she could tell he was past tired.
"You ok?" Stella asked turning to see him already with his eyes closed.
"Yeah, I'm just a little out of shape, maybe I should join you out for a run and get back into moving. You know as this time next week I'll be expected to lung around all that heavy equipment."
"Yeah, ok. But you'll have to keep up." she teased prodding his belly gently, "and maybe lay off the beers a little."
"Hey" he said forcing his face into a playful frown "are you calling this a beer belly." he asked prodding the area she'd just poked.
"No" she giggled, "but if the cap fits..."
Kelly caught her just as she tried to escape from the couch, the sounds of laughter filling the air around them as she squirmed in his arms. "Not looking so out of shape now am I?" he asked continuing the onslaught of tickling to her sides.
"Stop" she shouted, the breathlessness to her voice only encouraging him more. "Please stop" she giggled.
"I will if you'll take back the beer belly comment."
Stella shook her head, "never. I can't help it if the truth hurts."
"Hurts, you don't know the meaning of it" he said playfully, as she managed to detangle herself from his grasp, "come here you." he shouted standing up and chasing her into the bedroom. The door blocked by her body as he slowly edged it open. "Just you wait, you think I'm going to play fair?" he asked, edging the gap in the door open further.
"You have to catch me first," she yelled back through her fits of laughter, the woman stepping away from the door so it flung open, Kelly stumbling through it at the sudden lack of resistance. Stella took her chance as she ran back out into the main part of the apartment, Kelly hot on her tail as she ran down into the kitchen. But as the man entered the room he stopped dead in his tracks, the sight of Stella frozen by the counter with a near petrified look on her face bringing him back down to reality with a alarming crash.
"What's wrong?" he asked quickly coming up beside her.
"There was someone at the door." she stuttered, her eyes never leaving the glass in the frame. "They were stood right there."
"Who?"
"I don't know" she said shaking her head. "I didn't see who it was, they saw me and then they were gone."
"Do you think it was Grant?" Kelly asked, it was the same question that had already gone through the woman's head, in fact the minute she'd seen someone there she'd thought it was him but she couldn't be certain. It was dark outside, and whoever it was, was wearing dark clothing with a hood up over their heads, even if she wanted to know who it was, even if she had, had longer to look she wasn't sure she'd have been able to make them out.
"I don't know, I couldn't see there face. But someone was definitely there."
"Let me go get the guys from the car, maybe they saw something?" Kelly said turning to leave the kitchen, the man heading towards the front door.
"No" Stella shouted, her panicked voice stopping him immediately, "don't leave me." she pleaded.
"I won't" he promised, "I'm just going to wave them in."
"That means you've got to leave the apartment and go down the hall. Please Kelly just call Antonio, I don't want to be alone please." She knew she was being over the top, that the likelihood of whoever it was still being here were slim to none but she still didn't want to be alone. Nobody should have been able to get that close to the property without being seen in the first place, and the fact that they had filled her with a new sense of dread and fear. Her body visibly shaking as she stood in the same spot she'd frozen in moments ago.
"Ok" he said moving back towards her, "it's ok, I won't go outside. Lets go sit down and I can call Antonio ok?"
"Thank you" she barely whispered, the scared woman allowing her body to be moved back towards the couches by him.
"I'm just going to get you some water ok, I'm not going anywhere." Kelly said moving back into the kitchen and grabbing a glass as quickly as he could the man continually talking her through his actions so that she would remain calm. He hadn't seen her this shaken in a while, in fact he hadn't seen her this shaken since the night at Molly's. And if he was honest he really didn't know what to do. His own fear weighing him down as he thought about who could have possibly gotten this close to them when the neighbourhood was crawling with plain clothed officers.
"Here you go, just take little sips and keep breathing" he told her sitting down in the chair opposite. "I'm going to call Antonio now and get him to come over, is that ok?"
Stella nodded her head gently, the woman having been silent ever since she'd begged him not to go outside. Her silence only worrying him more, as her body tensed in front of him once more.
Kelly moved slowly, the man not wanting any sudden movement to freak her out any further. Pulling his phone out of his pocket and quickly dialling the older Dawson's number, he placed the device down on the table, clicking the button to switch to speaker figuring it was better if Stella could hear the full conversation.
"Severide hey. Everything ok?"
"Antonio someone was just at the back door. I don't know who I didn't see but Stella did, she's pretty shaken."
"What, are the cars still out front?"
"I don't know, she won't let me go outside. She's petrified Antonio, how did this happen?"
"I'm on my way." Was all he said before hanging up the phone, Kelly's frustration at the situation only increasing in the time it took him to arrive on the doorstep. The detective arriving with a handful of uniforms and almost all of intelligence, the apartment soon being filled to the brim with officers as Stella tried to recall everything she could about the figure at the back door.
".. he had a hood on I couldn't make out his face." she continued, her description being fairly vague in details. "I'm sorry I didn't see much else. Whoever it was saw me and took off pretty quickly."
"But you're sure it was a man?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"But not certain?" Voight asked, the sergeant pressing her pretty hard.
"No" she said shaking her head. She looked towards Kelly in a silent desperate plea to help her. Kelly knew Voight from old, the man having a long history with the firefighters of fifty one, some of those relationships being rather stretched at the best of times and in all the time he'd known him it had become pretty obvious that he didn't have a soft bone in his body. His tough outer matching the tough interior that helped him get the job done, and done well.
"That's enough" Kelly said sensing her distress, "she's told you what she knows, now find out how anyone was even able to get to the back door. Where were the guys that were watching the place? Why didn't they see anyone?"
Antonio shared a look with his boss, a look that Kelly could read in a insistent. "What?" he questioned, the mans fuse running short. "What's with that look? You don't believe her?"
"Sev it's not that" Antonio reassured, "it's just that.. well none of the cops saw anything, neither of the patrol cars placed outside saw anyone coming towards the apartment. Stella's scared, you said yourself she woke up the other day screaming that he was in the doorway when there was no one there. Could this have been her mind playing tricks again?"
"I can't believe you Antonio, after everything she's been through. Everything you know that man put her through you're going to start questioning her sanity now? Really! Do you think her mind had her react like this!" she shouted gesturing towards where Stella was sat, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks, a look that he was becoming increasingly tired of seeing on her. He hated to see her so upset, so broken, so scared. And here stood the very people meant to be helping her, and they were questioning her as if she'd made it all up.
"Listen, I know this is difficult. I do trust me, I hate this as much as you do but the description she's given that could be anyone in Chicago on any given night, the fact of the matter is no one else saw him. You didn't and none of the cops outside did, at the minute until proven otherwise we just have to suspect that maybe there was no one there to begin with."
"I saw him" Stella sobbed, her teary gaze meeting her best friends brothers. "There was someone out there. It may not have been Grant, but it may have been."
"Stella, Grant may be dead." Antonio reminded her.
"And he may not be!" she yelled. "You were the person who stood in this very room five nights ago and told me that. You said you didn't believe he was dead, you didn't believe he had driven into that river."
"I know, but you were also the person who told me you thought he might be. Want to explain what changed your mind? Is there something else you aren't telling us?"
Stella pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, the woman's gaze darting around the room avoiding everyone's waiting eyes. "I... erm..."
"Stella?" Kelly questioned, the nervous tone to her voice telling him there was in fact something she hadn't said.
"Who ever it was tonight, it's not the first time." She admitted slowly, "they were there the night after the car was found, in the early hours of the morning. I came out to get a drink and this was slipped under the door" she said pulling a note out of the book sitting on the coffee table.
She handed the piece of paper to Antonio, the detective unfolding it quickly, the scribbled message on it making him blow out a huge breath of frustrated air.
I'm watching you. You can't hide forever! You are mine.
"Serge" Antonio said calling Voight back towards the area they were all sat, the man having gone to speak with the patrol from outside while Antonio spoke with Kelly and Stella.
"What is it Dawson?" he asked turning back towards them.
"Stella received this the night after the car was found, whoever was at the door tonight it's likely they have been here before." He told him handing the note over.
Everyone was staring at her, the intense gazes of the sheer amount of people in the room causing her to bow her head. She knew she should have said something earlier, the note being the route cause of her change in opinion over Grant's apparent suicide. But once again she had buried her head in the sand, hoping that if she ignored it, if she didn't rise to the bait whoever it was stalking her would give up and of course she knew that was stupid. Ignoring a problem would never make it fully go away, but like she had told Gabby yesterday she wasn't ready to face the reality of everything yet. She'd never expected this though, seeing the figure at the back door again had only freaked her out more, her nerves completely shot by yet another safe haven being violated by her husband because although she couldn't prove it, she knew it was him. Who else could it possibly have been?
"Why didn't you say anything?" Kelly asked, his own frustration coming out as he spoke, "I thought we'd agreed no more lies, no more hiding stuff."
"I know I'm sorry. I just didn't think it mattered."
"Of course it matters" he yelled, his loud voice causing her to flinch in front of him, the sight of her body shying away from his immediately calming him. "I'm sorry" he said more calmly, "I shouldn't yell at you but Stella god, you have got to stop hiding things from me, from them. They are trying to help you and you are making it so much harder by not disclosing everything."
She knew he was right, how many times had they already had this conversation or similar, they'd been opportunity to tell him, or even Gabby yesterday. She'd had openings but she'd chosen to keep it to herself and now here they were again with a room full of police who were too late to the party because she'd withheld information. She wasn't sure why she kept doing it, what it was that kept making her do the same thing over and over, part of her trying to protect those around her maybe? No she wasn't doing it for anyone else but herself, not really and if she told herself otherwise she'd be lying. This wasn't about anyone else, this was about her and her desire to keep her emotions locked off, keep her secrets buried. Secrets that she knew he would expose if he didn't get what he wanted, secrets that could lose her, her job and friends. The one secret that could cost her everything she had.
"I'm sorry" she whispered again, "I know I should have told you, or someone.. I know it was stupid and selfish, it won't happen again."
Kelly sighed, "you said that last time and here we are again."
Stella could only nod her head the disappointment in his tone causing her cheeks to flush red in embarrassment. "I know, I'm trying, I promise I am.. It's just not easy to trust people when all I've ever know is lies and deceit."
"I get that. I do." he assured her, closing the gap between the two of them. Kelly wrapping his arms around her so she was flush against his chest, while his hand lazily stoked up and down her back, "but I am not Grant, we aren't your family, we aren't going to do those things to you. We will always be here for you, nothing you could ever say, or do would change that ok."
"Ok" she nodded, her tears stoking his shirt as they fell thick and fast.
"Stella, the night you received this note. Did you have any other interaction with the person at the door?" Antonio asked, the detective having been stood of to the side during her and Kelly's conversation.
"No" she said shaking her head. "I came into the kitchen for some water, I couldn't sleep so I was sat here just thinking and then he was there, same figure, similar clothing, we just stared at each other for maybe a minute before he placed it up against the window, then slipped it under the door and left. I waited for a while thinking maybe it was a trap to get me outside so whoever it was could hurt me but when I went outside the courtyard was empty. When I read it I just knew it was from Grant. I mean it has to be right?"
Antonio nodded, "I'm almost positive it is." he confirmed.
"So you were right, he isn't dead. This isn't over?"
"No, I don't think it is. In fact I think he's just getting started. Who else apart from the people in this room know you are staying here?"
"Everyone at the firehouse, and you guys that's it." Stella said confused but before she could question it Kelly spoke up.
"Wait you think someones feeding him information?"
"I don't know but we can't rule it out. My gut feeling is he is following you from a distance, that he has been ever since you were released from the hospital. But I can't rule out that he has an inside man, that someone has given him information. They may not even know they've done it, I certainly don't believe anyone at fifty one would sell you out but like I say.. "
"You can't rule it out?" Stella finished for him.
"No I'm sorry, I know this is difficult. But I need to go through everything you've done, everywhere you've been and everyone you've spoken with since leaving the hospital, if there is something to find we will find it I promise you that. I am not resting until I see him behind bars."
"Ok, erm well I haven't really been anywhere really. A couple of stores, the navy pier, erm the museum. I'm sorry I can't remember everything I've done, these past few weeks have been a bit of a blur." She admitted, looking towards Kelly for some help.
"I can give you some dates of things we've done, but I can't tell you times or anything." He started.
"Any little detail will help us, we can go to all those places and start scrolling through any footage to see if he has been following you."
"Ok, well the first day we came to the station and gave her statement, we went out for breakfast with Gabby after the first attempt and then they went shopping together and back to you." Kelly began, the man going through everyday in as much detail as he could, listing all of the stores they'd visited together, the trip to the firehouse and Stella's drunken night at Molly's. "... we went to the navy pier after her appointment, that's where we were that day they apartment was broken into. After that we went to collect the keys from Matt and Gabby and came straight here. And since being here Stella has only really left the apartment twice, once with me, we went out for the day, had some lunch, went to the mall to get some new clothes for us both and then we just walked along the river for a bit. That evening you told us about Grants car being found and then since then she only left to run yesterday afternoon but your people were all over the route they'd have seen him if he was watching wouldn't they?"
"Maybe, maybe not. It depends if he got close enough to her to look suspicious, but Gabby said that Stella didn't even realise we were there so we can't rule it out."
"So now what?" Stella asked, the woman nervous at how long this was all taking.
"Now we get our tech team to gather all the footage from everywhere you've been and comb through it, look for anyone that reappears in multiple places, the same vehicle, anything really that could give us some indication to who is watching you."
"And what about us? What do we do?"
"At the minute just continue doing what you're doing, go about your day as you would, run, shop, eat out. Do whatever you want to do and let us worry about the rest. Ok?"
Stella scoffed slightly the woman suddenly standing up and moving towards the side of the room, "Yeah easier said than done when you're afraid of your own shadow" she grumbled heading down the hallway and into bedroom.
Kelly shook his head, "I'm sorry about that. She's not taking all this very well."
"No" Antonio said waving him off, "it's fine we get it we do. It's a tough situation but we are doing everything we can."
"I know you are. I just hope it's enough." Kelly said, standing up himself. "Are we done here?"
"We are, we're going to get out of your hair and let you get some rest." He told him reaching out to shake the firefighters hand.
"Severide" Sergeant Voight said, his gravelly voice stopping him almost instantly.
"Yeah?"
"I'm upping the amount of details outside for now and for the time being if Stella is leaving the apartment we need to be informed ok?"
"She's going to love that" he replied sarcastically before he could stop himself, the sergeant shooting him a disapproving look.
"Yeah well she'll just have to deal with it." He responded dryly.
"Ok, I'll let her know. Thank you for everything, all of you I mean it. We appreciate everything you're all doing for us."
"Just doing our jobs" Antonio said, patting the squad lieutenant on the back as he passed. "Get some rest, I'll pop over in the morning to see how you're both doing ok?"
"Alright, see you tomorrow." Kelly told him, leading the officers towards the front door, making sure it was locked properly behind them.
Once they'd all gone he flopped backwards against the closed door, the man needing a few minutes to breath and digest everything that had happened tonight. He wasn't sure what to do, she'd lied to him again and he'd already expressed his annoyance about it but that wasn't the only thing worrying him. He couldn't put his finger on why but something was telling him that this was just the tip of the iceberg of things she wasn't disclosing, that what they now knew wasn't even half of what she had lived through. Yes she'd told him all about the things Grant had done, well at least he thought she had but everyday he was learning something else she'd held back or kept from him, from them and he got it, he did people are entitled to the privacy and secrets but when those things were getting in the way of an investigation to help protect them, he also knew there wasn't any room for such privileges. And with that in mind, he wasn't sure that he knew everything, in fact he was pretty certain that he didn't.
Pushing out one last frustrated breath he moved into their bedroom, making sure to switch off the lights as he went. Stella was sat in the middle of the bed, her legs crossed and her head hung downwards, he could see she was crying, the wet patches on the bed telling him she'd been crying quite hard and if he had to guess he'd say that's why she'd left the living room when she did. The woman before him needing the privacy to allow her true emotions to over flow.
"Hi" he said quietly moving towards her, "you ok?"
Nothing, she gave him nothing. No nod or shake of the head, no sign to even say she'd heard what he'd said.
"Stella?" he tried, moving onto the bed slowly.
Still nothing, the firefighter frozen in her own misery her mind having shut down to the world around her. He knew this position well, it had happened a few times since she'd come out of the coma. Her memories sometimes being too much for her, and he never knew what to do, in fact the last couple of times it had happened it wasn't him that had been able to snap her out of it. Dawson having been the person she needed in that moment, her best friend understanding her needs and feelings in a way that he just never could. And it wasn't through lack of trying, he'd tried endless times to put himself in her position, in her shoes and how this all must be for her but the truth of the matter was he never could. He would never understand what it felt like to be trapped in your own head, to have your own emotions working against you in such a way that you became frozen by it all because of things that had been done to you, he'd never know what it felt like to be an abused woman.
"Do you want me to call Dawson?" he asked gently, reaching out to place a hand on her exposed knee in an attempt of offering her a small amount of comfort but he immediately regretted the action when she shot up off the bed, the woman curling herself into the corner and a fresh set of tears flooding her cheeks. "I'm sorry" he whispered gently, moving towards her once more, his movements slow and controlled. "It's just me, it's Kelly. I'm not going to hurt you." he whispered, "I'm right here baby" he told her, his voice soothing and low. As much as he wanted to wrap his arms around her he knew he couldn't not if her reaction on the bed had been anything to go by. The man sensing that whatever had her trapped, whatever memory she was currently reliving it had everything to do with Grant, and a mans presence and touch was the last thing she actually needed at the moment.
"Ke.. Kell... Kelly" she sobbed after a few moments, her uncertain eyes meeting his as she came out of the trance she had been in previously.
"Yeah it's just me, I'm right here" he reassured her again, "what can I do?" he asked, offering his hand to her, the man uncertain in his movements. But to his relief her hand met his, the small bit of contact assuring him he was doing something right and he could help her through whatever this was.
"I'm sorry" she murmured.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for" he told her, his eyes never leaving hers. His eyes that were so full of warmth and comfort that she was losing herself in them once more, the woman allowing the contact of his skin against hers to ground her like it had so many times before. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head vigorously, "Not tonight" she said, her voice still croaky from the lack of use and her recent tearful state. "Tomorrow maybe, but tonight I'm too tired to attempt to explain it."
"That's ok" he said shuffling round to sit next to her, his arm reaching around her shoulders to secure her against his side. Stella's head resting on his shoulder as she focused on her breathing. "We can just sit here if you like, there's no rush. When you're ready we can go to bed but take your time."
The two of them sat in a comfortable silence for almost an hour, Kelly repeatedly tracing his hand up and down her back while whispering sweet nothings in her ear, the mixture of the two lulling her almost completely to sleep in his arms. He couldn't help but want to help this woman that lay peacefully against him. His body filled with rage when he thought about the amount of times she had been denied the very right of the comfort he was currently giving her, how at the hands of a man she had been hurt. Multiple times. How her fear and trust issues were fuelled by the one person who had promised to protect her and fight for her. How he had betrayed the very vows he had taken when he married her. He didn't understand it, and he never would, how one person could hurt another human being so much. They'd all seen it in their jobs, the amount of arson cases alone a sharp reminder to how many twisted and horrible people there were out there but even with that knowledge he still struggled to comprehend it.
Something about those things being done to someone close to you, a friend, a relative, it made it all the more real and for Kelly it was fuelling an anger he hadn't felt in a very long time. The man wanting nothing more than to do to Grant everything he had done to her and more. He wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her, make him feel as vulnerable and exposed as he had made her feel. Before doing it all over again to him, and although he knew he couldn't act upon those feelings without having major repercussions fall on his own shoulders, it hadn't stopped him from envisioning all the ways he could get revenge for the thousands of horrible things that had been done and said to her.
Kelly tried his hardest to clear the fury from his brain, the thick red fog clouding all his better judgement as his soothing motions came to a complete stop. The man not even realising he was moving until her voice stopped him.
"You're going?" she asked suddenly panicked by his sudden actions.
Kelly who had been stomping across the room in a blind rage stopped suddenly, his hand on the door handle as he turned round to face her. The fog clearing the instant he laid eyes on her vulnerable position. The woman sat with her back against the wall, knees up to her chest a fear in her eyes he wasn't sure he'd ever seen from her before, the fear that told him she was expecting something bad to happen to her. That he may in someway be about to do something to her.
"No no" he said shaking his head, although he couldn't say for sure what he would have done if her words hadn't stopped him. He hadn't made a conscious choice to get up, his body had moved on autopilot, the sheer amount of anger making his body react before he'd had time to think through his actions. "I erm.. I'm not going anywhere, I was just going to check the doors one more time." He lied trying to come up with something quickly that could explain his sudden movements and lack of communication as well as him leaving this room for a moment. Kelly aware he needed a second to breath out the rest of his pent up anger towards her ex.
"Oh ok" she whispered, unsure if she truly believed his words. She'd felt his body tense underneath hers, she could almost feel the rage that had been reverting off him the longer they had sat together and she was sure that what ever it was that had him so tense had been the true cause of his movements. "Can you bring some water back in please?"
"Sure, why don't you get changed for bed?" he suggested, pulling out one of his shirts for her and handing it over. "You can sleep in this if you like" he offered.
"Thanks" she replied taking the shirt from him, it had become a normal routine for them both, her sleeping in one of his shirts. To begin with it was because they accommodated her chunky casts but as time went by Kelly had realised it was also because she took comfort from being in his clothes, the woman regularly walking around the apartment them more than her own. A fact that hadn't gone unnoticed by the two friends they were currently living with. Matt taking the opportunity to rib him on it at any given chance he got.
"I'll be right back" he said exiting the room, a smile grin resting on his face as he thought about it.
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