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Coffee Shops and Cameras
Chapter 21
My fingers glided absent-mindedly down Hikaru's bare chest, the tips tracing the outline of his defined muscles and admiring the smooth contours. His eyes were closed and a small smile curled at the corners of his mouth. I couldn't remember how long I'd been awake for, looking at the bedside clock I noted that it was almost 8am, meaning we only had a couple of hours before we were due to head back to Bunkyo. Usually I would be making sure my bag was packed and repacked, and organising everything to be sure I didn't leave anything behind, but in that moment I could think of nothing else I wanted to do outside of staying in that bed pressed against Hikaru's heated inviting body.
Obviously I'd forgotten how amazing it felt to be lost in the cloud of bliss when coming down from the type of high Hikaru and I had shared the night before. I may as well have been a nun from how long it had been since I'd last had sex, so long that I couldn't even remember if it always felt this way the morning after. Maybe I'd grown sentimental during my dry spell, because from what I could recall, the last time I'd shared a bed with a man I'd been calling for an Uber before I'd even buttoned up my jeans. With Hikaru...the idea of leaving that bed made me want to throw a tantrum. We'd spent the entirety of that night in that bed, enthralled with each other. And apart from a few naps in between, we'd stayed up most of the night together. Wrapped between the sheets, stealing kisses, bringing each other to the height of pleasure over and over and over again. I couldn't remember the last time someone had made me feel like that.
So could you blame me for not wanting to leave?
I bit my lip and slowly leaned in to plant a small chaste kiss over his content smile, warmth spread through my chest before arms suddenly wrapped around me tightly and I was flipped onto my back. I yelped in surprise as Hikaru took lead of the kiss, his tongue darting out to tease me.
"Took you long enough" he grunted, "I've been waiting for that morning kiss for almost an hour"
"You were awake?" I asked breathlessly.
"Of course" he smirked, burying his face into my neck, "I just didn't want to disturb your admiration over me, I know there's a lot to enjoy"
I rolled my eyes, "And just like that the magic is ruined"
He grinned childishly before returning his lips to mine for another long and passionate kiss. I melted beneath him, my nipples pebbling as they pressed to his bare chest. A familiar heat began building in my core and I found myself raking my fingers into his messy hair. He groaned encouragingly and for a moment I thought the events of the night before were about to come back for an encore. Unfortunately just as Hikaru parted my legs for him, a loud bang on the door paused our movements, causing Hikaru to lower his face to my chest with a grumble of frustration.
"Fuck off!" Hikaru snapped loudly, clearly not giving a damn if it were the Prime Minister himself behind the door.
"Wow someone is cranky!" Kaoru's voice answered, "Open up, we're going for breakfast"
"I'm still in bed, go away" Hikaru huffed.
"Get out of bed then" his brother shouted back.
"I'm skipping breakfast"
"Since when do you skip meals?"
"Since now, go away"
"Fine" Kaoru grumbled with a sigh, "Hey Haruhi, you're still coming for breakfast right?"
At the mention of my name I froze and felt my whole body turn cherry red. Embarrassed was an understatement. I covered my face with my palms, processing the fact that Kaoru was aware that I was currently lying in bed with his twin brother, his imagination had probably painted the exact picture of what was playing out.
"I'll order you some pancakes and a jasmine tea" Kaoru said when I didn't answer him.
I heaved a heavy breath, "Thanks Kao..."
"Mom's waiting to de-brief with us so...untangle and put a pin in it until we're home"
"Please for the love of Gods leave" Hikaru groaned.
"Happy showering love birds" a touch of laughter touched Kaoru's voice before the sound of disappearing footsteps mingled with mine and Hikaru's laboured breathing. When I was sure Kaoru was gone I smothered my face into the pillow beside me and let out a squeal of embarrassment.
"Pits of hell swallow me whole" my muffled voice groaned.
At risk of getting distracted I chose to shower alone. As much as I wanted to see what Hikaru looked like naked, wet and dripping with soap suds - I was still dying of embarrassment and honestly just wanted this breakfast over and done with as quickly as possible. Hikaru lingered outside the bathroom door like a puppy desperate for a treat, and when I appeared in nothing but a towel he practically dropped to his knees. Actually no, literally. He literally dropped to his knees.
"I think I've found something I want for breakfast" he groaned huskily, slipping his hand between the slit where the ends of the towel met around my body. The way his large hands caressed me so hungrily yet delicately aroused me more than any other experience I'd had with any other man. It was no secret that Hikaru knew how to make a woman feel important, in fact he was probably used to turning a girl into jelly in his arms, obviously I was no exception, because as his fingers traced the underside of my breast I practically forgot my own name.
I wondered how long this high would last, yes it was nice and all feeling so worshipped by a man like him, and that night wouldn't go forgotten any time soon. But in a few minutes we'd be walking out of that hotel room and going back to normality. We'd be going back to the house, to our separate rooms, returning to our usual sessions. Not to mention that we had barely a week left until his interview. And once that was over...then what? I'd have no need to stay in the house so I'd probably move back in with Dad, maybe with my new paycheck I could afford somewhere bigger for us. Dad always wanted a garden...
But what would that mean for what was happening with Hikaru? In fact...what was happening with Hikaru? I wasn't naïve enough to think that sex meant we were on our way to a relationship. In fact, I still wasn't sure if I wanted anything like that with him. I mean...I liked him...actually I was pretty sure I liked him a lot but...there couldn't be a future between us. He still had an attitude I despised, and having my photo in the tabloids wasn't something I was interested in.
He stared at me with hooded eyes, a look of pure wanting and lust penetrating me as he began kissing up my navel. My thighs rubbed together impatiently and a quiet whimper escaped my lips.
"You're not playing fair" I strained.
"I think..." he kissed down my stomach, "I'm playing..." another kiss..."so very very fair"
"We have to meet...everyone down...stairs" I forced out the words, failing to steady the anticipation in my voice.
"They can wait"
"My tea is going cold..."
"Then drink it cold"
"My pancakes are getting soggy..."
"I'll make you all the damn pancakes you want when we get home" His mouth hovered over my mound, his hot breath tickling me deliciously.
"I've...run out of excuses" I moaned softly, everything I had just been thinking about disappearing from my mind. The only thing I could focus on was Hikaru, him and the adoration he showered on me. Wanting more. Needing more.
My fingers tangled in his hair, and I was done for.
So...breakfast was awkward.
Kaoru saved me a seat beside him, almost as if he wanted to silently torment me first thing in the morning. Hikaru sat across from him, eyes lowered to his plate of...god knows what...some fancy looking breakfast platter. But I didn't trust myself to speak to him in front of his brother who obviously knew we'd spent the night together. I wondered how long he'd known. Was it a lucky guess?
Did he see us leave the bar last night? Oh god, what if he saw me that day I crudely hid behind Hikaru's bed...
Kaoru smiled cheerily though the meal, as if he were enjoying the little secret he was sitting on, and Yuzuha...was none the wiser, chatting away like today were as normal as any other.
We left the hotel shortly afterwards and endured the car ride back home to the Hitachiin estate. When we arrived the house was just as we left it. Mr Hitachiin was elated to see his wife come through the door, a cheek splitting smile dominating his face as he pulled her into his arms. Even though it had only been a couple of days it was clear to see that he'd missed her. The sight gave me a warm feeling in my chest as I was reminded of back when Mom and Dad used to embrace. I remembered coming out of my room for a glass of water and seeing them dance around the kitchen in silence, staring into each other's eyes with love you could only read about in books.
Hikaru flashed in my mind, and an image of us swaying to non-existent music together – just because we wanted to hold each other close appeared in my head.
I shook the thought away, disregarding it for the mere stupidity of the scenario. Hikaru and I didn't have that, and we probably wouldn't ever have that sort of relationship. I glanced at him, to find that he was already staring at me, his eyes void of readable emotions. Now that we were back home, what did that mean? Were things supposed to go back to normal now? And what was normal for us? We'd been making out and flirting for a while now...was that our normal? Or was our normal when we were throwing insults around?
To be honest, I don't think that had been our 'normal' for a while...
That evening Kaoru invited over the guys for a catch up, apparently they had been eagerly awaiting news about Yuzuha's shoot and interview, it seemed that everyone but myself knew how important this magazine was, and by the excitement evident on their faces as they asked for details, it was clear that it was a big big deal.
As I sat there in the recreation room I let my eyes wander over to Hikaru. We hadn't had a moment alone since leaving the hotel room, so we hadn't had a chance to talk about everything that had transpired over the last 24 hours. By the look on his face, he didn't seem anywhere near as stressed out as I felt. Maybe he wasn't worried about going back to normal. Maybe this whole thing had been some...vacation fling, and now we'd reached the climax of our flirting he'd gotten me out of his system...ready to move on. I had to admit, the thought hurt. I didn't like the idea of him going off to find his next female venture...I felt like I'd only had a sample of him, I wanted more time to know him...to really know him. But what if it had just been sex to him? Would he even consider something more between us?
I was reminded of what Yuzuha had said about Seika. Apparently Hikaru had really fallen for her. What if she'd really messed him up? What if he couldn't even entertain the idea of anything more than sex with someone after what she put him through? I couldn't blame him, I'd been through my fair share of bad break ups where I hadn't wanted to even look at another man afterwards, but none to the same degree of his break up with her...none of my exes had published articles for the world to see...
My chest hurt thinking about the trauma she must have caused him, and suddenly all I wanted to do was prove him wrong – that not all regular women were as money and fame hungry as she was. Surely he knew I wasn't like that? But then again, if Seika had appeared that way from the start, he probably wouldn't have entertained the idea of a committed relationship with her.
You sound like a whiny teenage girl with a crush.
And I felt like it. I'd never been the girl the hot guys went for. At high school I was the girl in the corner in a flannel shirt and a black hoodie. I sat in the library at lunch time and never went to parties at the weekend. I remember having a thing for a guy in my science class, he sat next to me and we would always get partnered up. One day he leaned in close and asked me for relationship advice and I thought he was coming on to me. It turned out he was interested in my cousin Mei, and he wanted me to put a good word in for him.
Hikaru was the ultimate hot guy. The one girls pinned up posters of on their walls and wrote about in their diaries.
I glanced down at my tiny old Jem and the Holograms t-shirt from when I was a teenager and pursed my lips. Yup, I was still the weird nerd at the back of the class.
"So how was your first business excursion Haru-chan?" Honey's voice brought me out of my inner self-deprecation.
"A lot different to any other excursion I've been on" I admitted.
I'd never been fucked within an inch of my life whilst watching presentations on data protection that's for sure...
"Did you manage to fit any sessions in?" Tamaki asked, his bubbly blonde hair flopping over his eyes as he sat up to get a better look at me.
"Sessions?" I asked, not knowing what they were referring to for a second, "Oh. No, Hikaru and I...didn't have time alone to...uh..." Kaoru met my eye and an amused smile tugged at his lips.
"Could we see the progress?" Tamaki asked, "We've been eager to see you turn the frog into a prince"
"Who you calling a frog blondie?" Hikaru grumbled, taking a sip of his whiskey glass.
Tamaki put his hands up in surrender, a grin on his face, "We just want to make sure you're ready. Benibara is ruthless, she's even managed to make Honey look bad"
"She did?" I blurted, not even attempting to hide the shock in my voice.
Honey shrugged, "She brings out the worst in me. She said 'what kind of a man still carries around a pink bunny'"
"You have a pink bunny?" I asked.
Honey smiled, "Usa-chan!"
"It's a bit out of line to try and raise judgement over that isn't it?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
Honey pointed at me like I'd hit the nail on the head, "Exactly"
"I had no idea that this lady was so..."
"Horrible?" Kaoru chimed in, "Oh yeah, why did you think we were so scared when she asked to interview Hika?"
"I mean..." I trailed off, "...I just though Hikaru was...no offence...difficult to interview in general..."
Hikaru raised an amused eyebrow, "Obviously" he said, "But the word of anyone else wouldn't matter, Benibara though...she could kill me"
"Wow..." I exhaled, "And I thought Ayame was bad..."
"She was a puppy compared to Benibara" Hikaru took another sip.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "We only have a week left"
"Stop" Kaoru pointed at me.
"What?" I asked.
"You're doubting yourself, stop that. You guys have done amazing so far...Hikaru's already a changed man". Something about the way he said it didn't feel genuine. I was reminded of the way he glared at Miho the day before. His main problem was how he treated staff he worked with, and that glare didn't tell me he was 'changed'.
"We're going to need to...double the sessions I think"
Hikaru seemed to force back a smile. He was probably thinking - "Hey, double sessions? More sex then right?" and as much as I wanted to back up that assumption. The answer was no. The fact that seemed to keep skirting my mind was that not only was I being paid to help Yuzuha with her designs, but I was also here to train Hikaru to manage his emotions during his interview. Yes, we had made a hell of a lot of progress, but I wasn't confident enough to say that once he was sat down for that interview he would be on his best behaviour. No, far from it in fact. All it would take is one stirring word and he would be back to shouting and throwing all his toys out of the pram.
"How about a mock exam?" Kyoya spoke up.
"A what?" Hikaru questioned.
"We will ask worst case scenario questions, and you will answer them as calmly and professionally as possible" Kyoya explained, "Show us how far you've come"
"We've already done that" Hikaru said.
"Has Haruhi asked questions that really hit home?"
"Why would she do that? This is an interview about my work, not a therapy session"
"If we do 'worst case scenario' then you'll be able to handle anything"
Hikaru glared a little at Kyoya and I cleared my throat. As if a dog being trained, his expression changed and he backed down.
"Magical" Tamaki said, amused.
"Shut your mouth" Hikaru grit his teeth.
"Hika" I breathed.
His eyes met mine. I only ever called him 'Hika' when I was being personal...in fact, I'd only ever called him that when we'd been intimate. He seemed to connect those dots too, and his eyes darkened a little.
"Okay" Hikaru said, "A mock exam. Why not?"
Kyoya seemed pleased by his agreement and moved to sit beside me, "Right. Let's begin. Haruhi will take the lead, and if need be...I'll feed her some hard hitting stuff"
Why did it feel like Kyoya loved to torture people? He seemed to be enjoying this far more than anyone else in the room.
"If anything that's said hurts you...tell me" I said seriously, meeting Hikaru's eyes. I hadn't ever cared before, because I just assumed his moods were just tantrums – usually I just rolled my eyes. But for some reason, now I just really didn't want to hurt him. I almost felt like I shared his apprehension. I wish he could read my mind, cause if he could – I'd be telling him - "I know you won't want to show your friends that you're upset, so just send me a signal to say you're not comfortable, and I'll stop".
"Right" Hikaru breathed, he drained the rest of his whiskey and leaned back in his seat, as if he hadn't a care in the world. In reality I could tell he was concerned, I wondered if Kaoru could tell too, he was his twin after all.
I cleared my throat and stood, "Lovely to meet you Hikaru"
As rehearsed, Hikaru stood also and extended his hand with a jaw dropping smile, "Wonderful to meet you too Miss Amakusa"
His hand encased mine and tingles shivered up my spine. How many hours had it been since he'd last touched me? 9 hours? God, it felt like a lifetime...this same hand trailing down my bare stomach, cupping my core, that tongue delving deep into my-
"Shall we begin?" Hikaru interrupted my dirty reminiscing, with a smile that told me he could tell what I was thinking. Did that mean he was thinking the same thing?
Shit, focus.
"Of course" I breathed, composing myself and took my seat once more.
I relayed the usual opening questions, to which he answered the way we wanted. We had gone over every introductory question possible, all of which I had taken from articles I'd researched online. It was only when Kyoya leaned in to whisper in my ear that I tensed up, not wanting to repeat the question to the beautiful man in front of me.
When I didn't say anything Kyoya frowned, "Fine, I'll lead this"
I opened my mouth to protest. Even though I knew a trial interview would be good for Hikaru, it still didn't mean I wanted to aggravate him. Although...a week ago I was doing nothing but aggravate him...
"There's been speculation that you treat the staff assisting on shoots unfairly. Care to elaborate on these rumors?" Kyoya said firmly and clearly, as if he had no fear for the reactions he may get.
Hikaru forced a smile, it was almost convincing, "Backstage can be a high stress environment, I will admit that I can be very vocal about my frustrations, obviously stress is no excuse, but I'm a very open man when it comes to expressing, especially when I'm under pressure"
I cocked my head. Wow, I was impressed, where did that answer come from?
"But you do treat them unfairly?" Kyoya pushed.
"I wouldn't say unfairly. I can be demanding of course, but to be unfair would mean that I single out certain members of the crew. I obviously apologise to anyone I have made to feel that way, I wouldn't want my actions to make anyone who helps make these shoots successful feel inadequate"
Once again, I was surprised.
Kyoya asked a few more questions surrounding the way Hikaru spoke to crew members and rumors that had come out about how difficult he was to work with. Hikaru answered them calmly with a smile, apologising and remaining honest. He didn't deny any of the rumors that were true, which I was happy about. My goal with him wasn't to paint him as a completely different person, but more to transform him into the man he could be. Atoning and apologising was far more studious than flat out lying and denying.
Then Kyoya threw in a question I wasn't expecting, "What about the rumors surrounding yourself and the women in your company?"
That one took me off guard, Hikaru too from the way his polite mask fell as he processed what Kyoya had asked.
"This question isn't relevant Kyoya" he broke out of character for a moment, shaking his head.
"Ah ah ah" Kyoya put up a finger, "I'm not Kyoya right now, I'm Benibara, your interviewer. Haruhi, what would you advise if she asked a question like this out of the blue?"
I blinked his way several times. What...what would I say? I mean a week ago I would have forced him to answer, but right now...after last night...I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable...
"If there are questions you don't want to answer...you are allowed to refuse. You can say something like – I don't feel comfortable answering that question, or, I understand there is speculation about this topic but I feel they are irrelevant at this time"
"But, that would seem like he was covering something up" Kyoya pointed a finger at me, "He has to say something"
I didn't want to admit it...but he had a point. Whenever I'd seen an interview and the individual side stepped a question, it always seemed suspicious. But I didn't want Hikaru to feel like he had to lay down any information he didn't want to. This wasn't an uncut reveal into his life, he shouldn't have to talk about things he deemed as private.
My mind began turning like cogs as I tried to come up with some way Hikaru could both answer but not quite answer a question like that. There were always ways you could give a response without having to reveal anything, I mean didn't they say that politicians did it all the time?
But as I began formulating an answer, Hikaru smiled.
"I'm happy to elaborate, what rumors are you referring to?" he said calmly.
Kyoya seemed pleased and spread his arms out across the back of the sofa, "You've been dubbed a womaniser, one who seems to jump from woman to woman. Although there's nothing inherently wrong with 'playing the field' as it were, you are young after all. But readers can't help but notice you haven't always been this way"
I felt my heart-rate go up, knowing exactly what Kyoya was leaning towards.
"Kyoya" I warned in a low voice.
"What exactly is your question?" Hikaru interrupted my interjection, his expression cool and collected.
"It's not hard to work out that your reputation seemed to stem from a relationship you once had with one of the women who worked closely with you when you first started into the mainstream with your modelling career" Kyoya's tone became a little less carefree as he formulated his question, "We've all seen the articles Hikaru, but you never responded to them or defended yourself. Maybe this could be the opportunity to paint the real picture..."
The room was silent, all I could hear was my heart hammering in my chest. I could tell that Kyoya had gone completely rogue on this one. He wasn't asking as his character anymore, he was asking as a friend. He wanted to know why Hikaru never challenged Seika's accusations, maybe all of them had wanted to ask but never had the chance. Of course I'd thought about that too. I'd seen everything Seika had said, and noticed that Hikaru never once responded. After what happened between them Hikaru just seemed to disappear for a while, and once he reappeared he was cold and distant...angry at the world, defensive...keeping everyone at arm's length. Could anyone really blame him though? I guess if you were in the media industry you could, if it sold a story did they really care how he felt?
"I see what you're doing" Hikaru sighed.
His response took me off guard.
Where was the shouting? Where were the insults? This was exactly the kind of question I expected to push him off the edge. And yet...he just sat there, hands in his lap, head low and serene. He lifted his eyes to mine, as he stared I noticed his breathing starting to slow, and suddenly I felt like I was calming down too.
"This all could have been avoided had you said something at the time" Kyoya continued.
Hikaru nodded, "Yeah...well...I kind of didn't have a leg to stand on..."
I could see the pain in his eyes, I could see all the things he wanted to say but didn't know how to. Is this how he truly felt under all that anger? Suddenly I completely understood. It was easy to hide the pain when you were shouting and screaming and shutting the world out.
"None of us believed it" Honey spoke up, "She was mean to you, she took advantage"
I watched as Hikaru's demeanour went from composed to uncomfortable over and over again, flickering between the two as if he didn't know how to be anything other than angry. Obviously he wasn't used to reacting without harsh words, and the reality of being sat there with friends keeping a cool head was affecting him. He kept looking at me hesitantly, which made me realise that he had no idea that I knew about Seika, and he was probably trying to keep the conversation controlled on his side as to not reveal too much to me. Was he worried about how I would respond? Would he think I agreed with Seika? I inwardly shook my head. Even though he and I hadn't known each other that long, and for most of it we were butting heads like rivals, I'd always known there was something deeper underneath all that armour. He'd been hurt by this woman, and before she dragged his name through the dirt he had been kind and considerate to all who knew him, I had seen flickers of that old Hikaru with how he helped his mother and cared for his family, I'd even seen it when we were alone. The way he would look into my eyes with such...pride and adoration...a man who had no heart couldn't fake those kinds of feelings.
"Maybe...now isn't the best time to talk about this" I said, "You haven't had a chance to open up about this yet, I don't think being overwhelmed by a room full of people is the best way to approach this"
It was my way of privately saying - "You don't owe anyone an explanation. But if you want to, I'm here if you want to open up about it"
I froze as his gaze met mine, there was so much apprehension in those hazel eyes, and all I wanted to do was blurt out - "I know about Seika, I know she fucked things up. I don't believe a word of it, I'm here for you. You can trust me"
Honestly he didn't look like he trusted anyone enough to open his mouth, and quickly he seemed to take my statement as a sign to move on. Slowly, his face returned to normal, a cocky smirk tugging at his mouth and his usual dominating look of control replacing that of a man who felt cornered.
"How did I do teacher?" he smiled at me, all evidence of hesitation gone from his demeanour.
I exhaled, forcing myself to smile back, "Best trial run so far" I replied.
…
I stirred in my seat as a light knock on my door caught my attention, forcing me to lower the book I was reading into my lap. It was after midnight, meaning I must have been sat in that chair in the corner of my room for almost 3 hours. I rubbed my tired eyes as they adjusted to the dim reading light that barely illuminated my room.
"Come in" I yawned.
The door opened slowly, and Hikaru filled the threshold, dressed in low grey sweats and a plain t shirt – he looked as jaw-dropping as ever.
"I thought you'd gone to bed" I breathed.
He shrugged, "The bed was too cold"
"Too cold?"
He nodded, "After last night I think I may already be accustomed to sharing"
I chuckled, "Not to step on your point, but we didn't exactly sleep an awful lot last night"
That dark lustful look clouded his eyes as if he were recalling exactly what I was thinking, "Very true" he smiled slowly.
He shut the door behind him and at first I thought he was going to and come sit with me to talk. Instead he surprised me by walking straight over to my bed and throwing himself down under the sheets.
"Did you come here for anything in particular?" I asked.
"Honestly" he sighed, "I didn't have much of a plan when I left my room"
"So you've only just decided to swap rooms?" I chuckled.
"No, not swap" he pulled back the sheet, inviting me to lie down beside him and looked at me expectantly.
A part of me wanted to talk to him about everything plaguing my mind. I had far too many questions to just go to sleep without asking. But seeing him there looking so content in my bed, staring at me as if he wouldn't be complete without me lying there beside him made the other part of me stand from my chair. I shut off the light and felt my way to the bed, finding his hands with mine as I lowered myself onto the bed. As soon as the mattress dipped under my weight, I was swept into his arms and settled down comfortably beneath the crisp cool sheets and enveloped in his warmth.
"Much better" he sighed, his fingers sweeping through my hair.
"I guess I was right" I smiled, "You are a cuddler"
"Can you blame me? You're like one of those oversized bears, so warm and squishy"
"Squishy?"
"You're soft, so goddamn soft"
"Is that a compliment?" I asked.
"Of course it is" he exhaled, "you also smell amazing, which is another bonus to cuddling with you"
"I guess I can't argue with the truth"
He laughed quietly to himself, "And I'm meant to be the arrogant one?"
"I think there's enough arrogance to go around" I shrugged.
I rested my head on his chest, enjoying the sound of his rhythmic heart beat thumping against my ear. I smiled to myself and allowed my legs to weave between his. He seemed to relax just as much as I had as he slowly traced circles on my back with his fingers. These moments we seemed to share were starting to feel more and more like we were escaping to our own little world. One were we were free to just be our bare and genuine selves. I'd always been the type of woman to put her strongest foot forward, to give as good as she got. But here with Hikaru, I didn't mind letting that defensive part of me go, I enjoyed just lying there with him just being myself. The pure version of me who flushed red when she was embarrassed and enjoyed a good intimate cuddle. I was starting to see that Hikaru was beginning to feel the same. I liked that he could be real with me, like he knew this space between us was safe.
Maybe I was becoming soft...
"Haruhi" Hikaru spoke in the darkness.
"Yeah?"
He took a deep breath, his chest rising under my cheek, "I actually, uh...wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier"
Earlier? Did he mean what was happening between us? Or what Kyoya was pushing at during our little mock interview?
I laid my hand over his heart, "Your Mom told me about her"
I decided telling him I already knew about Seika might make him feel a little more relaxed. Apparently I was right, as his increasing heart-beat began to steady once more.
"Did you read any of the articles?" he asked, hesitance evident in his voice.
I nodded slightly, "Yes"
He tensed a little and didn't say anything.
"You know I don't believe any of it right?" I continued, "Everything she said. I know I haven't known you for long but I know you wouldn't do any of those things she accused you of"
"How can you be so sure?"
"I just am" I admitted, "Don't get me wrong, you can be one cold son-of-a-bitch but I know you wouldn't treat someone you loved as poorly as she claimed you did"
The hand on my back that had frozen since he'd begun talking suddenly began trailing circles again, the sensation of his delicate finger tips swirling across the base of my bare neck made me sink further into him with a comforted sigh,
"I thought I was doing everything right" he breathed, as if he were speaking absent-mindedly to himself, "We were so happy together at first. I couldn't pin point a single thing I would have changed when I was with her. Whenever she smiled it made me feel so amazing, I found it so hard to believe that a man like me could make such an incredible woman so happy. Making her smile became my own addiction, I would have done anything to keep that look on her face...anything..."
I knew what he was talking about. Yuzuha had said that Seika had been so demanding, she asked Hikaru for everything, and he provided those things for her with no complaint.
"It shouldn't be the gifts that make the one you love happy, your company and affection alone should have been enough" I said honestly, not sure how Hikaru would take it.
"I know" he sighed, "But I was a kid, barely 18, I didn't see any warning signs, all I saw was a pretty face and some sweet words and I couldn't resist her. If she wanted something I'd get it for her, I had the means to get her anything she desired, it was just money to me and I just assumed that was what boyfriends did. I wanted her to wear the clothes she loved, the jewellery she wanted, I paid her rent in a fucking penthouse because I wanted her to live in the safest most luxurious place in the city. And when I got her these things she would smile...and I'd be happy"
"What did she give you?"
I didn't have to tell him that I wasn't referring to gifts.
He seemed to think for a moment, "Nothing" he said quietly, "Whenever...I needed her, just her, she was always busy"
I could feel myself becoming angrier by the second. Seika had turned a sweet, caring, selfless young man into a harsh and untrusting man who could hardly bare to show how he felt to those he held the closest. It had become so bad that his own family had to move a practical stranger into their home to try and tame him.
"One night...near the end" he said, his arm pulling me against him tighter as if he were trying to draw strength from me. His face remained pointed at the ceiling, like he didn't trust himself to look at me, "My grandmother was sick, she'd been in hospital for a while and it came to the point where there was nothing else the doctors or surgeons could do for her. I'd been staying with Mom in the unit for the last week, just to be close to them. Mom was torn to pieces with exhaustion, and Grandma was sedated...and my phone would light up with texts from Seika demanding my attention almost every few minutes. She knew where I was, she knew what was happening but...she kept sending message after message about how selfish I was for not being with her. I had said I would take her to Paris that week, but because of everything going on I had to cancel the plans. She was so mad at me for it. She said I was neglecting her, that I was selfish for cancelling our plans, and how she was just as important if not more than my dying Grandmother"
My mouth hung agape, "That's disgusting" I hissed, "I...I can't believe someone could..." I trailed off, not sure how to keep my voice calm.
"At the time I believed her. I felt selfish. I felt truly selfish for putting my family's needs above her. She kept telling me that we had a future, and if I didn't focus enough on her then it would be just like ignoring family"
I raised my hand to cup his cheek, smoothing over his stubble with my thumb. I didn't know what to say, and even if I did, I didn't want to interrupt his train of thought. I'd never seen him open up like this before, and I didn't want to risk ruining that. I knew that for Hikaru this was taking every grain of bravery he had.
"When Grandma died, Seika didn't say much. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry for my loss but when it came to arranging the funeral she didn't do anything to lend a hand. Around the same time I found one of Grandma's old bracelets, I paid for it to be restored so I could give it to Mom as a sentimental gift, something of Grandma's to carry with her. When I told Seika what I was planning she got mad and asked what I was getting for her. She kept saying that I had to make up for neglecting her during that time. She'd even looked through some of Grandma's possessions and asked to keep some of her jewellery"
"Fucking hell" I breathed. If I didn't hate this woman before, then I certainly did now.
"Mom didn't want Seika at the funeral, and to be honest neither did I. We didn't invite her and later that evening when we'd gotten home she was sat on the doorstep with a face like thunder. She beat into me, telling me how shitty I was and how I'd let her down and how I did nothing for her, she even went as far to say that it was a good thing Grandma was dead because she would have been disappointed by how I was treating her. When she said that I just...snapped. I shouted at her, I told her to leave and that I never wanted to see her selfish ass again. I said that she disgusted me, and I should have dumped her months ago"
"And that's when she went to the tabloids?" I guessed.
He nodded, "We were very public about our relationship. In fact she insisted on it. From the first date she wanted us to be seen by the media, making me take her to all the high end spots where paparazzi would scout for us. Not once did we have a date where it was just the 2 of us. And if we were ever alone she would insist on taking photos and putting them on social media so everyone would know what we were doing. It was easy for her to find a tabloid who would take her seriously"
I felt like crying listening to Hikaru's story. I felt like a complete piece of crap for how I'd spoken to him when we'd met. From the beginning I'd assumed he was just some arrogant ass who had more money than sense. But in reality he'd been trampled on. He'd opened his heart to a woman he cared for and she abused his kindness just to raise her social status. No wonder he didn't trust anyone.
I planted a gentle kiss over his heart, trying my hardest not to let my feelings out. I didn't want to take this moment from him. This wasn't about how I felt, this was about him. I wasn't going to ruin it with my emotions.
"I know she never apologised for it. So I want to be the one to say that you didn't deserve what she put you though. I'm sorry she hurt you, I'm sorry she took advantage of your kindness, and I'm sorry she made you feel as if you had to close yourself off from everyone" my voice was barely above a whisper, I didn't trust myself to speak out too loudly.
Hikaru didn't respond right away. In fact he seemed to freeze up for a moment, his eyes glued to the ceiling unblinking and his arm turned to solid marble around me meaning I couldn't remove myself from his grip even if I wanted to. Then he faced me, and his expression hit me like a punch in the gut. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and his lips trembled as he bit down on them. He looked like a confused and damaged young boy, one who needed comfort and love. My heart burst for him.
"When I met you the first person I thought about was her" he whispered, "She was the only other woman I'd felt truly attracted to, and when I felt the same for you I just...seized up. It scared the shit out of me. I'm sorry I put you in the same box as her...you are...you..." he trailed off, as if he'd lost all sense of what he was saying.
"It's okay" I smiled, "It was probably warranted, I mean I said you had a stick up your ass the first time I met you"
That earned me the most genuine little laugh I'd ever heard from him. His palm cupped my cheek, angling my face to his, "I can't lie, seeing you stand up to my bullshit was a huge turn on"
"From what I've learned it doesn't take much to turn you on" I smirked.
"Either that or you're just my new kink" he cocked an eyebrow, "I haven't found a single thing you do that doesn't excite me"
"Even my shapeless men's shirts?"
"I wouldn't say shapeless" he smiled, "The one you were wearing today was pretty...shapely"
"That's because I bought it when I was 17"
"That would explain the tightness"
"Does that mean you were staring at me?"
"It's impossible not to"
"Pervert"
"Sue me"
Then his lips collided with mine, and all the anticipation of his closeness imploded at once. Finally all the uncomfortability of being away from him all day had been replaced with how right it felt to be enveloped in his arms. It was scary how right it felt. Terrifying in fact.
He parted our lips only slightly, resting his forehead to mine.
"I don't know what you did to me to make me open up like that Haruhi" he panted, "But whatever it was...thank you"
"I'm always here" I replied breathlessly, "And just so you know...I'm not Seika"
He met my gaze, those hazel eyes swimming with so many conflicting emotions, "I know" he whispered, "You're worlds away from that woman" then he planted a smooth, delicate kiss on my lips, and I savoured the feel of his soft mouth caressing mine.
Hello friends! This chapter is officially the longest chapter in the story if you can believe it! I just couldn't split it if I tried, there was too much to write about!
I am ever hopeful that you're enjoying this story just as much as I am! Because you know how much I love my favourite couple xoxoxox
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Love y'all always,
Yuli xxx