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Coffee Shops and Cameras

Chapter 27

Hikaru led me into the house by the hand silently, his fingers were wrapped so tightly around mine it felt as though he were scared I'd change my mind and run away. But honestly, even though I was scared of what he would say, I knew we need this talk. We needed to lay it all out on the table. I knew I couldn't keep in what I felt anymore, even if it were easier just to continue as we were without complications, I knew that it wouldn't always be this way. There would be a time soon where we would have to address this, I would have to address this. I needed to know what he was thinking, I could only hope he felt the same as I did. That he wanted to explore this deeper, that this whole thing was far more than just sex. I wanted to see where we could go, to see if we could work something out between us.

Oh who was I kidding? I loved him. I probably had done for a while but was too oblivious to admit it. I was in love with him. Regardless of the stress brought by the media and the articles attached to my name – I was head over heels. And I knew that if I heard him say he didn't feel the same - my heart would shatter...

He sat back on the couch and I went with him. I wasn't sure if I should sit close to him, or rest my head on his chest like we had done the night before. I opted for sitting beside him with no contact aside from the hand he still gripped, his thumb tracing along my knuckles.

Please don't let this be it. I'm not ready for this to end.

"Are you okay?" he asked calmly.

I nodded, "Yeah...I'm just...anxious I guess"

"Yeah" he exhaled, "Me too"

I looked down at our hands, not trusting myself to meet his eyes, "So...I guess we should start"

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye and I felt my chest tighten.

Please don't let this just be a fling for you...

"I don't want you to panic or worry okay?" He smiled widely, but I could still see the nervousness as his eyes didn't reflect that grin in anyway, "Just...just let me say what I need to say, then after...if you don't feel the same then...then we'll work something out..."

I said 'yes' in reply but didn't look at him.

Obviously he wasn't happy with that response, as in reply he said, "Look at me" in a stern voice, his palm coming up to tilt my chin until our eyes met. He stared at me so intently I felt the air leave my lungs. This man could have anyone in the world if he wanted, there was no way he would settle for me. Why did the truth have to hurt so damn much? "Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?" he breathed quietly. His remark took me by surprise.

"You...you think so?"

He nodded, "I've always thought so. Ever since I met you I've struggled to think of you as anything but beautiful"

Slowly he leaned in to me and brushed a chaste kiss across my lips.

"I know we never planned on any of this. On us. I know I certainly didn't expect things to progress like this..." he pursed his lips, as if he were trying to find the right words, "I can't remember a time before you when I felt genuinely happy" he managed.

I nodded encouragingly, "Me too"

"I mean, before you and I started spending time together – even when we were fighting – I was miserable. I ran on auto-pilot, I had no passion for anything, I felt no drive to achieve anything. My only goal was to earn more money, it was the easiest thing I could focus on. But the moment I met you, you were the only thing I could think about. I actually found myself looking forward to hearing you scold me" he chuckled, "I loved the way you never backed down, no matter how much of an asshole I was being. Verbal jousting with you became the highlight of my day, even when I was resisting I was always waiting to hear what you had to say. Not once did you back down or give into my childish demands, you always stuck to what you felt was right. Maybe that was just because you knew you had a job to do, but I always hoped it was because you..." he trailed off for a moment, then squeezed my hand as if drawing strength, "because you truly cared about making me a better person"

I could see he was struggling, and honestly I understood why. Hikaru may have come a long way, but speaking so sentimentally was still so new to him after so many years of putting up walls. I offered him a small smile.

"This was never about my job" I uttered, "From the beginning there was a part of me that wanted to see the man your family praised, and that part only grew the more I got to know you"

Hikaru's smile became a little more genuine, as if I'd said the exact thing he needed to hear.

"Later today we'll be going home. And tomorrow is my interview. You'll go back home, and honestly, if you wanted, you could go back to normal" he paled and the smile vanished, "You won't need to see me anymore if you didn't want to. Your work with Mom will continue but you have no obligation to even see me again..."

I don't want that. Please don't think I want that.

I felt myself shaking my head, "No" I said, cutting him off, "I...I want to keep seeing you" I'm not ready for this to end. "I know I won't be living in the house with you anymore...but that doesn't mean I want this to stop..."

"You mean it?" his eyes brightened but his voice sounded almost cautious.

I nodded silently.

Should I have admitted that? What if he wanted me to go back to normal? Was this his way of saying our time together is up?

Then he grinned. A wide, genuine, toothy grin that made my heart swell. He had such a perfect smile.

"Oh thank god" he wooshed out a breath and closed his eyes in relief, "You have no idea how happy that makes me. I just...I don't think I can just...go back to how things were before you Haruhi. Dammit there's so much I want to say but I don't know how to say it..."

I could only smile in response, "Hikaru" I breathed, cupping his cheek with my hand. He leaned into my touch and began planting small kisses across my palm.

"I'm not ready for this to end Haru" he admitted, his eyes squeezing shut as he spoke between kisses, "I don't think I'll ever be ready. I don't even think I want this goddamn trip to end. A month ago I would have done anything to nail this interview, but when presented with the option of either going home to actually do it, or stay here for another night with you – there's just no contest. I choose you Haruhi"

I felt my heart thumping in my chest as he spoke all the words I'd been dying to hear.

"And I don't mean that I just want this arrangement we currently have to continue, because honestly...I want more Haruhi...I want to see where...where this is headed"

My voice caught in my throat, "R-really?"

He nodded and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me in closer, "I know things won't be easy. I know you hate having your name in those articles, I know you don't want tabloids following you – and that's something that'll be hard to change. But I'm willing to do anything to fix that, because you're worth more than just 'another girl' in my bed. I feel a lot of things for you Haruhi, feelings I've never felt before"

"Oh my god..." my voice came as a whisper.

"I know this is a lot to take in" he hesitated, "If you need time to think about it then I understa-"

"I don't need time" I shook my head, "I'm just...so damn relieved"

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes" I beamed, "I was so fucking scared you were going to tell me this was all some...month-long fling, and that you were ready to move on"

He looked almost shocked, "A fling?" he scoffed, "No way. Not you. Not for a second were you just a fling. Haruhi, you have me...all of me...for as long as you want me" then his lips descended on my own and I allowed myself to relax into him. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders. A weight that nagged at me that he didn't feel the same as I did. He wanted to stay with me, he wanted to explore what we had. I could practically feel the happy tears threatening to spill over.

"I...like you Haruhi...I really like you" he murmured as he hovered his lips over mine.

And I love you...

"I like you too Hikaru, so goddamn much"

Then his lips found mine again, and suddenly I had everything I needed. And more.

The drive back to Bunkyo was long but neither one of us seemed to mind. I found myself smiling the entire journey, and was relieved to see that Hikaru seemed to be the same. His grin lasted the whole 2 hours, right until we pulled into the driveway of his family estate. And once the engine cut off and Hikaru's hands left the steering wheel for the first time - he suddenly became a drowning man clinging for a life raft. His hands dove into my hair, his mouth seeking out mine in a ravenous starved kiss, desperately drawing me closer. He tugged at the top buttons of his shirt, pulling them aside for me so my own fingers could explore the smooth contours of his chest. After several minutes I forced my lips away with a gasp, holding him at arm's length with a breathless laugh.

"No, no, no" he pleaded, pulling me closer so he could continue from where I'd stopped us.

I giggled as his mouth began an onslaught down my throat, "You're family are expecting us" I managed, "I don't think I'm ready for them to catch us fucking in the driveway at 6pm"

"I honestly wouldn't care if the 'Yomiuri Giants' were stood outside watching right now. I need you" he growled against my flushed skin and I felt my entire body quiver.

I let myself enjoy his kisses for a few moments longer, loving every single drag of his lips and flick of his eager tongue. But eventually I had to pull away again. I wagged a stern finger at him, "Not in front of your parent's house"

He pouted at me like a little boy who just got his toy car taken away.

I couldn't help but giggle. How could he go from being the personification of lust one second, then the cutest little puppy I'd ever seen the next?

I planted a gentle peck on his lips, "The moment we're alone again, we'll continue this"

"Pinky promise?"

I rolled my eyes, "Pinky promise"

When we finally got inside the house madness immediately ensued. Kaoru ran from the first floor, down the stairs and threw his arms around both our shoulders the moment the door closed behind us, pulling us into the tightest hug as if we'd been gone for weeks. Yuzuha also made sure to welcome us back with pecks on the cheeks and loving embraces. For a moment I was confused by how over-the-top they seemed to be in response to our return, but then Yuzuha cupped her eldest sons cheeks and beamed at him with glittering eyes.

"I'm so proud of you" she beamed, "Your grandmother would be so happy to see you back in her home"

Hikaru smiled widely back, "It was exactly as I remembered it" he replied.

His response seemed to be everything she wanted to hear and more.

"Did you two have a nice time?" she asked.

Hikaru and I glanced at each other, "It was perfect" Hikaru smiled, keeping his gaze locked to mine.

HIKARU

"So you did it? You actually did it?" Kaoru grinned ear to ear. Hikaru nodded with a smirk, "Wow, honestly I didn't think you would"

Hikaru took another gulp from his beer and leaned his head back against the pool house wall, "Honestly...neither did I"

"What pushed you?"

He shrugged, "I couldn't keep it in Kao...I...don't know how else to explain it"

"And she felt the same?" Kaoru's eyes were practically glistening with hope.

"Well...kinda"

"Kinda?" Kaoru raised a brow, "She doesn't love you back?"

Hikaru scratched his neck awkwardly and took another drink, "I didn't exactly tell her I 'love' her"

Kaoru grumbled and punched his brother's shoulder.

"Ouch!"

"You're a moron"

"What? Why?"

"You were meant to tell her the truth"

"And I wanted to!" Hikaru wooshed out a breath, "She wants this relationship too, she wants to keep seeing me and find out where it goes. I'm not gonna risk scaring her off by telling her I love her on day one"

Kaoru couldn't hide his smile as he sat back and looked up at the darkening sky, "I still can't believe it" he sighed, "You're in love"

"Don't make a big thing out of it"

"Not possible" he smirked, "You laughed at Titanic. I literally didn't think you were capable of falling in love"

"Wow. Thanks"

"You know what I mean" he nudged Hikaru with his elbow, "I just never thought you'd find someone after Seika"

Hikaru tried not to cringe at the name, "Me neither" he admitted. But Haruhi was practically a different species from Seika, "Do you think I'm rushing into this?"

"No" Kaoru answered quickly, "Because I think you've loved her for a while now. Admitting it doesn't mean you're rushing into anything"

Hikaru nodded and took another swig. He looked over at the house from across the estate where he and his brother were sat beside the pool house. His eyes were immediately drawn to an upstairs window where Haruhi's bedroom was. She'd gone to her room a few hours ago to start packing up her belongings for when she left tomorrow. Her light was on and the faint outline of her moving figure was visible through the closed curtains. He smiled to himself, but a strong sense of sadness was looming over him as he thought about how unoccupied that room would be after tomorrow. They would work out how to see each other, it wasn't like they would never share a room again. But still, the thought of her not being just an arm's reach away made his chest tighten.

"I'm happy for you Hika" Kaoru spoke softly, "Really, I'm so damn happy"

When the beer bottles were emptied and the sky had fully set, Hikaru and Kaoru said goodnight and went back into the house. Hikaru's legs were on auto-pilot as he found himself striding up the staircase towards Haruhi's room. He didn't even knock once he reached the door, instead he pushed open the door and closed it behind him.

Haruhi was sitting in her little chair beside her bookcase, surrounded by folded clothes with tears in her eyes.

Hikaru frowned, "Hey" he said crouching down in front of her, "Babydoll?"

Her hands hurriedly swabbed at her cheeks and a false smile quickly spread across her face, "Hey" she smiled.

"Don't 'hey' me" Hikaru's expression was serious, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she shook her head, smile still in place. Hikaru furrowed his brow, but before he could call her out on her lie she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him against her into a tight embrace. He melted into her and suddenly he forgot whatever it was he was going to say.

"We're gonna work this out okay?" he breathed.

I can get my own place and she can stay with me.

Damn but he couldn't say that. They'd been going steady since 11am that morning, now was way too soon to say 'move in with me'.

"I'm fine" Haruhi exhaled.

"Even I know that when a girlfriend says that - it means the opposite" Hikaru chuckled. He pulled back to look at her face. She offered a small smile.

"This shouldn't feel weird" she said, "I should be excited about going back home to see Dad. Why the hell am I more upset about leaving here than I was leaving the apartment?"

Hikaru chewed his lip, "I'm not sure how to answer that baby"

"I know" she sighed, "I guess I don't need an answer"

With a deep breath she stood from her seat and walked over to one of the many stacks of folded clothes. She hoisted it into her arms and began piling it into her large open suitcase on the bed.

Hikaru honestly couldn't describe the despair he felt watching her do it.

Fucking dammit. I don't want her to leave.

"Babydoll..." he held his breath and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. His forehead fell to her shoulder and he felt his heart being squeezed, "After the interview tomorrow, I want to take you out. Just you and me"

He felt her relax into him, "You do?"

He nodded, "I don't need an after party, I don't need a celebration. I just need to know that after all this...that I still have you"

Haruhi didn't answer right away. She turned in his arms and looked up at him, her eyes glassy with unshed tears, but there was a smile on her face, "I'd like that" she said, "I think I need that too"

Hikaru felt his lips twitch.

I love you so damn much.

How was it even possible to feel this way towards another person?

"You've got a long day tomorrow" Haruhi exhaled, the tears finally disappearing from her eyes, "We should get some sleep"

She was right. They would have to be at the studio at 9 the next morning, and after the long week of rollercoaster emotions, facing his late grandmother's house, and dealing with the fear of losing Haruhi after everything was over – he was tired. So damn tired.

As they lay there in the darkness he held her tight against him. Since the beginning he had assumed that the day before the interview he would be feeling all kinds of emotions. Nerves, fear, worry over how it would go and if he would fuck up. But instead, the interview was the furthest thing in his mind. All he could think about was the woman curled up in his arms, and how painful it would be to see her go back home.

He wondered what the old Hikaru would have thought about this. But the question was almost laughable. He wasn't that man anymore. Now he was the man he always wanted to be, a man deserving of someone like Haruhi.

She certainly was one hell of a coach.