Hi, so this is my new story - The road to accountability. For anyone that has read my other two stories you already know some of my background. This is another DD (Domestic Discipline) story, similar to that of my first story "Yes Sir". It is based on the characters of Chicago Fire and follows Stellaride on their journey together. It is AU, and entirely my own ideas. I do not own Chicago Fire or any of the characters, apart from those that I have created for this story. Assume there may be some crossover with the actual story lines from the show along the way. I hope you enjoy.
The start of our new way of life.
They hadn't always had a relationship like this, in fact for the first year together they were a normal couple. They argued sure, but didn't everyone? His short temper mixed with her inability to respect their relationship and responsibilities were what had lead them to this moment. The man absolutely furious with her lack of commitment to not only her own life but the life they were supposed to be living together.
When she'd said she was going out with the girls last night, he'd reminded her of the promise they'd made to their friends. The two of them supposed to be babysitting for the day while they went to get what they needed for the new nursery but once again she hadn't returned home. Her phone was off and he was going to have to leave without her, and explain her absence not only to their friends but to the little girl they were taking out for the day.
He knew that little Bella was going to be upset, she absolutely adored her Aunt Stella and when he turned up without her she was going to look at him with those big blue eyes that matched her fathers with such sadness and it was going to break his heart. That thought alone only infuriated him more.
"For god sake Stella! When you get this phone me, I'm leaving to go collect Bella and I'm taking her to the pier, if you can ever drag yourself out of the coma I'm sure you've drunk yourself into come join us. If not! Well we will talk later." He fired off the angry text, pushing the button to send it on to his wayward girlfriend before grabbing his coat and keys before leaving his apartment slamming the door behind him.
Kelly drove through the streets of Chicago the man cursing at every set of traffic lights. He was already late, the man leaving it far too close to the mornings rush hour before leaving his apartment. He was hoping if he waited until last minute she'd have come home, but as the time had ticked by he could tell that wasn't going to happen and now not only was he turning up alone, he was already half an hour late.
"Oh for god sake" he said hitting the steering wheel as he stopped at another red light. His phone ringing out beside him.
"Hey" he said flicking it on to speaker phone.
"Hi did you forget you were watching Bella?" Matt Casey asked.
"No sorry, I'm on my way. About three blocks away actually but I keep catching every damn red light. I'm so sorry Case."
"It's no problem we were just wondering. Is everything okay?"
Kelly sighed deeply, the man pushing down on the gas as the lights changed again. "Not really. Stella didn't come home again, it's why I'm late."
"Oh, so you're by yourself today?"
"Yup sorry man, I know Bella's going to be upset."
"She will but she still loves her Uncle Kelly. And I'm sure you two will have fun together."
"Yeah I hope so. I'll be there soon okay. Tell Gabby I'm sorry, I know how much she hates waiting around."
"It's fine Sev, we'll see you soon."
"Oh crap" Stella groaned as she came to, the woman lying on the somewhat familiar couch at Gail's house. The two of them having fallen back into her place at some point between the last bar and her waking up.
"What's wrong?" Gail asked.
"It's already past eleven" she said pointing at the clock on the wall. "I was supposed to be babysitting at ten today. Kelly's going to kill me."
"Hey relax, just tell him you lost track of time. Sure he'll be pissed but he'll soon forgive you. He always does."
Stella pushed herself up from the couch, her head banging at the sudden upright position she found herself in. "God how did I get so wasted."
"That'll be the shots." Gail chuckled, the redhead struggling to understand why her friends was so upset. "Besides you said you didn't want to babysit last night."
"What?" Stella exclaimed "when?"
"When you told me you were sick of always babysitting all the firehouse kids."
"That doesn't sound like something I'd say" she responded scoffing slightly, as she began searching for her purse.
"Yea well you did" Gail pointed out, getting herself up and heading towards the kitchen. "How about a heir of the dog?"
"No thank you. I've just gotta find my purse and get going."
"I think you left it over there." Her friend told her pointing towards the door. "You sure you don't want one for the road?" She offered holding up the Bloody Mary she'd poured herself.
"Honestly I'm good. But I wouldn't say no to a smoke if you've got one?" Stella asked pulling out her empty packet. "Damn did I smoke all those last night? No wonder my throat feels like crap."
"Yeah you hit them almost as hard as the shots." Gail said pulling out a cigarette from her own packet. "Wanna hang out Friday?"
"I can't I'm on shift, but I can do Saturday?" She offered, the friend nodding in agreement. "I'll text you but I really gotta get going."
With that Stella left the loft and into the bright Chicago sunlight. There was no way she was in a fit state to drive and she knew Kelly would already be at the Casey's place. He wouldn't be happy if she called him to collect her especially as it would mean dragging Bella across town, besides Gail's place was only a couple of blocks from their home, the walk would probably help sober her up a bit, she'd just walk home get showered and changed and after she'd seen where he was at then she'd make the decision whether to drive or grab an Uber.
She began the walk down the street, her heels from last night rubbing against her sore feet. If she was still as drunk as last night she would have just taken them off but in her slightly sobering state of mind she knew that wasn't wise to do. The streets around her were not the cleanest and the last thing she needed was to cut herself and end up in the ER.
So instead she battled on, puffing on the cigarette she'd bummed from her friend, while searching in her purse for her phone. She needed to at least let Kelly know she was alive. She knew her boyfriend was going to be pissed, he'd reminded her last night before she left that she needed to be home before the early hours because they'd made a commitment to Bella, but apparently after a few drinks her sense of responsibility had gone out of the window. Again.
She loved the little girl dearly, her best friends daughter being a surrogate niece to her as well as her god daughter. She couldn't believe she'd let her down again. Gabby was going to be furious with her, especially as she knew the little girl would be upset with her lack of presence.
"Shit" she said finally pulling her phone out to realise it was completely dead. "Great, just great." She'd have to call him from home and hope he understood, although she knew he wouldn't. Her excessive drinking and partying with her old college friends being the cause of many arguments over the past few months.
Ever since they'd lost Otis it had got worse and worse, the woman struggling against her emotions and grief. The numbing feeling the alcohol gave her being the only thing that could make each day bearable. But she knew that Kelly didn't get it, not really. Even though he'd done the same thing when the house lost Shay, the blonde paramedic still a sore subject for him to talk about even so many years later, Stella know from hearing stories around the house that he'd done the exact same thing she was right now.
Pushing open the door to their apartment she could see the evidence of him waiting up for her, the blanket and pillow on the couch being a huge give away. The half empty coffee pot telling her he'd had several of those throughout the night and possibly the morning before he had to leave to look after their goddaughter. Deciding it was better to get this phone call over with sooner rather than later she plugged her phone in, grabbing herself a coffee while it came back to life. The repeated pinging telling her she had several messages, all of which she was certain were from her boyfriend.
Scrolling through them she could feel his anger radiating through his words, her eyes focusing on the last message and deciding maybe a text would be okay.
Hey, sorry my phone died and I didn't realise the time. I'm at the apartment, I'll meet you at the pier in an hour?
She pressed send and hoped he'd just text her back a simple okay and his location, her wish however was not to be granted. Her ringtone blaring out beside her as his picture popped up on her screen.
Sighing to herself she decided it was better to answer him than not. "Hey" she said the minute she pulled the phone to her ear.
"Hey, you're gone all night and almost all of the morning and you say hey!" He all but shouted down the phone, his loud voice making her flinch.
"I'm sorry Kel I am. How's Bella?"
"Upset!" He snapped "Which is not a surprise since once again I turned up without you because you've let her down for the god knows how many time. She was so excited about spending the day with you she even made Gabby curl her hair and dress her so she looks like a mini you. This girl idolises you Stella and you just keep letting her down."
"I know I'm sorry, truly I am. I'm going to sort myself out I promise."
"Either you do or... or.. god Stella." He knew what he wanted to say, the man having spent several hours researching about it after it was suggested to him. Casey's off hand comment on how he'd reined Dawson in not falling on deaf ears. The man seriously considering it now more than ever.
"Honestly Kelly it's going to stop, I promise. Give me an hour and I'll meet you outside the Crystal gardens, Bella loves it in there."
"Okay, we'll see you then." Kelly agreed, the man hanging up the phone.
Stella collapsed down into a chair, the firefighter regretting her long night even more now that she'd heard how upset her god daughter was. How could she have been so selfish? Her night of letting go had caused her sweet little niece a lot of pain and upset today. But she was going to make it up to her, make the rest of the day extra special and hopefully the three year old would forgive her.
It was just after one when Stella arrived at the pier, Kelly and Bella were sat just outside the crystal gardens waiting for her. The little girl clutching onto what looked like a new teddy that she was sure her boyfriend had probably won for her, the giant monkey almost as big as the little girl holding it.
"Hey Bella boo. I'm so sorry I was late." She said approaching the two, the little girls face lighting up the minute she heard her Aunts pet name for her. "Have you been having fun with uncle Kelly?" She asked crouching down in front of the bench.
"Yes, he won me this" she said excitedly pushing the monkey into her aunts arms, "I called her Stewa" she said her baby speech way of saying her name making her smile.
"You did? Like my name."
"Uh Huh, I called her after you." She told her jumping into the woman's arms. "Carry?" She asked.
"You want me to carry you?" Stella asked, looking down at the little girl.
"Pwease."
"Sure I'll carry you. Do you want a piggy back?"
"Yes yes yes." She shouted, bouncing up and down on the ground between her aunts legs.
"Come on then" Stella said swinging her round onto her back. The small squeals of joy telling her she'd already mended one bridge. "Hi" she said looking towards Kelly as she stood up. The mans narrow eyes letting her know how annoyed he was with her.
"Hi" he replied, standing up and reaching for the monkey. "Bella, can uncle Kelly carry Stella so you don't drop her?"
The little girl handed it over to him, the threesome moving inside the gardens and heading towards the fountains that both the adults knew was Bella's favourite area. The little girl squealing with joy at the shoots of water that sprung through the air.
"So where were you?" Kelly asked while they watched Bella play in the water. The man keeping one eye on her at all times.
"We went to a few bars and then ended up at Gail's, I slept on her couch."
"And you couldn't have called me from there? Or were you too drunk?"
Stella swallowed thickly, she didn't want to do this here, not in public and not around their goddaughter it wasn't the place and it certainly wasn't the time. "Can we save the lecture or fight or whatever it is you want for later, just enjoy the rest of the day for Bella's sake."
"Oh now you're concerned about how she feels." He spat, the man clearly still annoyed with her over not being there this morning.
"Kelly please, you know I didn't mean to upset her."
"You never do Stella that's the problem, you never mean to make me worry, or upset anyone. But your drinking, your partying, the constant lies and lack of respect for everything around you just has those effects. And damned be anyone that stands in your way."
"Kelly.."
"No" he spat, "it's about time someone tells you the effect you have on people. I didn't sleep last night, Bella cried all the way here and up until I won that monkey. Gabby said she'd cried ever since Matt told her that you weren't with me, which he only did so that she wasn't completely blindsided when I arrived. You did that Stella, you made a three year old cry because you what? Wanted to party, wanted to get so wasted that you forgot everything?"
"I said I was sorry." Stella said quietly. The shame she was feeling at his words, making her face flush red.
"I know you did, I'm just afraid that you don't mean it and next time your old college buddies call you'll do it all over again."
"I won't." She assured him.
"Oh I know you won't because something's are going to change. I'm going to make sure of it." The threatening tone in his voice confusing and frightening her all at the same time.
"What do you mean?"
"We'll discuss it later" he said firmly, the tone to his voice telling her the discussion was over.
The two adults spent the rest of afternoon completely spoiling their young goddaughter, the two buying her far to much candy and treats along the way. Neither of them able to say no to her sweet little face every time she'd ask to do something else. By the end of the day she was exhausted, her small frame falling asleep against Stella's chest as her Aunt carried her the entire walk back towards the car park.
"She seemed to have a good day despite the rough start." Stella said placing her into her car seat.
"I think she did. I'll let Matt know she's eaten, so they don't do her any dinner."
"You best let them know she's asleep as well. I'm sure this little nap she's having is going to mess up her bedtime."
"I wouldn't be so sure, she didn't get her afternoon one" Kelly chuckled.
The drive back to the Casey's took forever, the early evening traffic congestion just as bad whichever way the attempted to go. Stella took the opportunity to see if Kelly was ready to tell her more about his comment in the gardens.
"Kelly?"
"Yeah" he said glancing sideways at her.
"What you said in the gardens earlier about making sure I change my ways. What did you mean?"
He sighed, checking the mirror to make sure that the little girl was still asleep. "Have you ever been told about the way Gabby was before her and Matt got together?"
"A little, I mean I worked with Dawson straight out of the academy. I know she was a little.. free spirited." She chose her words carefully not really understanding what their friends relationship had to do with what they were talking about.
"Yeah she was, she had a lot of write ups from sixty one and then she became candidate and she couldn't respect Matt as her lieutenant or fiance. It broke them apart for a while, and he never thought anything would change. Until he stumbled across something that they were both willing to try. It made a huge difference to their lives and well you've seen how happy they are."
She nodded, "they are the happiest married couple I've ever met."
"Do you know why?"
"Because Dawson pulled her socks up?"
"No because between the two of them they made some adjustments to their relationship. And Matt whipped her into shape." He said, deliberately choosing his words.
"What?" She questioned still not fully understanding.
"They agreed that Gabby would have a certain set of rules about how he expected her to behave, at work and home. And well if she didn't meet those expectations there were consequences."
"Like what?"
"Like a sore butt." He said shortly.
"What?"
"Matt spanks her."
"Wait what? Matt spanks Gabby? No way!" Stella exclaimed, the shock of what she was hearing too much. The woman laughing nervously at the thought of what direction this conversation was going.
"Yes way, not so much anymore but in the beginning she was on the receiving end of his hand a fair few times."
"I don't believe you" she said, folding her arms across her chest.
"Ask her, when we get there you ask her what sorted her out. She isn't ashamed to admit it. In fact she openly admits that it helped her."
"I will." She said, looking out of the window.
Why was he bringing this up, was he planning on spanking her? She wasn't a child and there was absolutely no way she was going to allow him to beat her. What he was suggesting was crazy.. wasn't it? Sure she was acting very childish recently but she had every reason didn't she?
She couldn't imagine Gabby accepting a spanking from her husband, she was sure it was some sick joke that Kelly was having with her. She was sure he was trying to shock her into changing the way she'd been acting. Wasn't he?
Before she had a chance to ask him anymore about it they'd pulled up to the curb in front of the Casey's house, Stella undoing her belt before exiting the vehicle and moving to get Bella out.
"Bella boo, come on sweetheart we're home. Mummy and daddy are inside." She whispered, unbuckling the girl from her seat and pulling her half asleep form into her arms.
"Auntie Stewa" she spoke sleepily, wrapping her little arms around her neck "I wove you."
"I love you too baby girl. Shall we go see mummy and daddy now?"
She nodded her little head against the woman's shoulder as she allowed herself to be carried towards the front door. Stella ringing the bell once, while Kelly got everything out of the trunk.
"Hi" Stella said when Gabby opened the door. The woman's face clearly telling her how disappointed she was in her friends decision making this morning.
"Hi, so you decided to join them did you?" She asked taking her daughter from her and moving to the side to allow her entrance into their home.
"Gabs I'm sorry about this morning, really I am. But I made it up to you didn't I Bella Boo, we had a lovely afternoon."
"You should never have had to make it up to her though Stella" Gabby sighed, kissing her daughters head. "She's three she doesn't understand why you keep letting her down."
"I'm sorry. I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it, I'm really sorry. And I'm going to change my ways I promise." She assured her friend, stroking her hand down the back of her god daughters soft curls.
"Yea well you better, otherwise I might have to stop you from hanging out with her. She's my daughter and I hate seeing her cry because someone she loves keeps letting her down."
Stella knew Gabby meant what she said, the woman fiercely protective over the little girl in her arms. She would do everything in her power to protect her and if that meant banning her godmother from seeing her she wouldn't hesitate.
"I know. I'm going to change I promise..." she gnawed on her bottom lip the topic she wanted to bring up filling her with a sense of embarrassment, especially as she wasn't sure if what Kelly had told her in the car was even true. "Actually there's something I want to ask you." She started. Gabby looking at her in a way that told her to continue.
"Hey Bella Boo, why don't you go find daddy while I talk to mummy okay?"
"Okay Auntie Stewa, wove you."
"I love you too sweetheart."
The little girl wriggled in her mother's arms until she was put down, before heading off towards the kitchen in search of her father. Gabby leading the way to the couches and sitting down, Stella taking up the seat beside her.
"What do you want to ask me that needs Bella out of the way?" Gabby asked almost immediately.
"Kelly said something about you on the drive back. Something about Matt and you..." she started, a knowing look flashing across her friends face in front of her.
"What did he say?"
"That... erm .. he said Matt spanks you when you don't behave how he expects. That he has done every since you got back together?"
Gabby laughed dryly, "yeah he does." She told her friend bluntly, a small smirk resting on her lips.
"What? Really? I thought for sure Kelly was having me on."
"Nope, Matt's taken me in hand for years now. It's the reason I still have a job and why my marriage is as happy as it is. We deal with things when they come up, and if that means I get an ass whopping once in a while then so be it. It's strangely not that bad."
Stella sat in silence for a few minutes digesting everything she'd just been told. And forming several hundred questions she wanted to ask. Her train of thought being interrupted by the appearance of her boyfriend in the room. The man giving a small greeting to the woman sat beside her before heading off towards the kitchen.
"So he just bends you over his knee and hits you with his hand?" Stella asked after a few minutes.
"Pretty much" Gabby smiled "sometimes he's used something more than his hand if the offence was serve enough. Sometimes I get grounded too, that comes with it's own set of rules but basically means I can't go out drinking, I can't watch TV or use my phone and laptop."
"Really he grounds you like a little kid?" Stella questioned, the woman becoming more and more stunned the further into this conversation they got. "Wait what else has he used?"
"Basically yeah, but only when its absolutely warranted which thankful isn't all that often. And as for what with, well in the past he's used my hairbrush, a paddle and even his belt."
"Wow! And you're okay with that? With him hitting you with a belt?"
Gabby sighed, she knew not everyone understood the relationship her and her husband had, she knew it was kinda unorthodox but it worked for them and many others she knew. "Well yeah. If I'm honest it's something I really needed, someone to make me pay the consequences when I made bad decisions. We don't argue over things, we have clear rules and if I step out on those and go back to my old ways I get a wake up call. It works for us. And it's certainly helped me."
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"Yeah it does for a while. But he never leaves any lasting damage, just a couple of days of needing a cushion to sit on."
Stella sat quietly for a few minutes, the woman opening and shutting her mouth a few times, while she worked out the way to ask her next question.
"How often do you get... you know?"
"Spanked?" Stella nodded her head, "these days very rarely. In fact I can't actually remember the last time but back when we first started it was fairly often. One week I got spanked every day."
"Really?"
"Yup. I'd gone out on a bender with the girls and well similar to your escapade last night I didn't return home until the next afternoon. That was the first time I received anything more than his hand."
"Oh, What did he use?" She asked, the woman unsure why the subject was eliciting so many questions from her, but also why the more she heard from her friend the more she wanted to experience it too.
"The first night he used the hairbrush, I got a really long session with it. Probably half an hours worth, then after that he told me I was going to get a session each night unless I could explain to him why what I did was wrong. Back then I was stubborn, even more stubborn I should say really. I'm still stubborn I just know when to curb it and when to use it. But that day I didn't see what I'd done as being wrong so I wouldn't say anything."
"What did he do?"
"Well first off he grounded me, told me I would lose all my privileges until I could tell him what he wanted to hear. Then the next night I got a session with the paddle and then the night after the same thing, basically every night he would spank me, each time increasing the intensity and amount I got. It was the sixth night that I finally broke, that was also the first time he ever used his belt. He started off with the paddle like he had every night that week, and once the session was over he asked me again if I understood what I'd done wrong. I gave him a lot of attitude, told him I'd done nothing wrong and I didn't see why he was so pissed at me, well that didn't go down well at all and next thing I knew he'd bent me over and given me ten licks. Which is nothing really but on a extremely tender bottom felt like hell. After that I began to change my ways and well now we just have an understanding but like I say it's been a while."
Stella was horrified and enlightened all at the same time by what she was hearing. For some strange reason listening to Gabby explain her and Matts arrangement had given her some comfort into maybe discussing the situation further with Kelly. Sure she'd thought he was crazy when he first brought it up, but sitting here with her friend and hearing her talk about it as if it were completely normal, and hearing how much it had helped her and her relationship, it had given her a new insight. And maybe just maybe it was exactly what her and Kelly needed. What she needed. To be held accountable for her actions.
"What's going on in there?" Gabby asked when she hadn't said anything in a while. The paramedic looking at her friend with a cross between concern and frustration.
"When Kelly suggested it, when he told me about you and Matt I thought he was crazy. I told him I didn't believe him. I even thought that there was absolutely no way in this world that Gabriela Dawson would allow her husband to beat her ass. But here you are telling me that is exactly what happens, that you have on many occasion had your ass handed to you in more ways than one. And as crazy as I originally thought it was I think that maybe, just maybe it's what I need. That to be held in such high esteem by someone that I am actually made to pay for the consequences of my actions. Maybe it's exactly what has been missing from my life."
"Listen it's not an easy road, learning to submit is hard. Harder than I ever thought it was going to be. But now I just obey, when I do something wrong I know what's coming and I graciously take my penance. Are you ready for that? Ready for someone else to make the big decisions? To tell you no and mean it?"
"I think so" she said nodding her head, "I think it's exactly what I've been after without even realising it. I think subconsciously part of me needs someone that is willing to be firm with me, tell me how it is and make me suffer the consequences of my actions. I've never really be held accountable, not by anyone. Even these past few weeks while I've been acting out and basically crying out for it, everyone's given me a free pass, said it was because of my grief and I'd soon sort myself out. But up until today I haven't wanted to sort myself out, up until I saw the upset and hurt in Bella's eyes I didn't care who I was hurting and now I feel like absolute shit. I feel like I deserve whatever is coming to me and more. Does that even make sense?"
"It does, it really does. And I know how you feel because that is exactly how I felt after the first time. But if you really are ready to take this road I guess I best let you in on some secrets." Gabby chuckled tapping her on her knee.
It was almost an hour later that the two woman finished their conversation, Stella grateful to Gabby for taking the time to speak to her about everything, the younger woman leaving the house with a few tricks up her sleeve to relieve any pain after a punishment. And some valuable tips in how to submit herself to her boyfriend, the older woman assuring her that it was a lot easier if she completely trusted him not to leave any lasting damage.
She wasn't one hundred percent what was going to happen when they returned to their apartment but she knew whatever happened it would help repair the trust she had broken. And whatever they decided would put them on to a new path, of healing and forgiveness.
"Kelly?" she said quietly, the woman pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as she waited for him to reply, the beginning part of their journey home being done in relative silence.
"Yes?" he answered back, the questioning tone in his voice urging her to continue.
"I spoke with Dawson" she said bluntly, her boyfriend nodding his head in response but he didn't say anything. He wanted to see how far she was willing to take this conversation, and how far she was willing to go to save their relationship because as it stood at the moment he wasn't sure there was much of one left. "She erm... she confirmed what you said about her and Casey."
"Told you she would."
"Yea you did" she agreed, "and erm well, me and her we discussed some things and I think maybe we could talk about it a little. See what its all about, maybe try some erm.. you know.. things out."
"You mean me spanking your ass until you can't sit down for the rest of the night?" he asked bluntly.
"Errr yeah maybe." she shrugged, the tone in his voice confusing her slightly. "So what do you think, should we discuss it a bit."
"Sure" he agreed.
"But?" she asked sensing there was a lot he wasn't saying.
"But?" he repeated in the same questioning way.
"Yeah, surely you aren't just going to say sure and leave it there?"
"No but I don't really want to discuss it in the car either. I've got some papers at home about it and I'd rather wait until we get in and then we can discuss it properly."
"Oh okay" she replied, her focus moving to watching the passing buildings. If he already had papers on this had he been thinking about it for a while or had he done that last night when waiting for her. She wanted to ask him, but also didn't want to start a row, so instead she sat there in silence until the pulled up outside their place. The woman unbuckling her seat belt and reaching for the door.
"Stella" Kelly said just as she went to push the passenger door open, "if you agree to this lifestyle it's for good okay? I just want you to be aware of that going into it, if we start this. Once we've looked over everything and discussed it thoroughly, if you decide that you want to go forward with it there's no going back."
"I know, me and Gabby talked about that being the case for her and Casey too. I know that going into this type of thing is a complete lifestyle change and I'm ready to discuss it with you and see where we go from there.
"Okay then. Well lets get inside because it would appear we have a lot to talk about."
Stella nodded before exiting the car and heading inside. The woman already seated at the kitchen counter when he appeared behind her, a pile of papers in his hands. "So this is everything I've looked at, Matt pointed me in the right direction so I know they are trust worthy sites for this type of relationship. Why don't you read over them while I do us some dinner and coffee.
"Sounds good to me" she responded a nervous smile resting on her face as she began to read the documents in front of her.
An hour later and Kelly had made some dinner, the two of them eating quietly while Stella finished reading the last few pages. Her eyes occasionally darting up towards him, a mixture of panic, fear, and relief on her face. Kelly realising that she was currently reading the testimonies of other woman who had found accountability and how they had benefited from the change in their lives.
Reading the final line she sighed deeply, rubbing her hand across her brow before looking at her boyfriend. "Okay" she said. The single word confusing him momentarily.
"Okay?" he questioned.
"Yeah, I'm for it. Everything I've read, everything me and Gabby discussed I think it's just what we need, just what I need." she said, her eyes never leaving his. "Look I know that I have been horrible to be around recently, I've been drinking loads, blacking out from it some days I've drunk so much. And I really think I need to become accountable for those times I've let people down. Those times I've hurt people by my careless and thoughtless actions. Take last night for example, I went out knowing full well that we had promised Bella this amazing day out with us both and I knew when I left here that I wasn't coming home. You knew it as much as I did. I'm not proud of it, really I'm not. What I did to that little girl, how I made her feel.. well it was downright selfish. And if seeing her little face when she finally saw me today hadn't cemented the fact I'd royally screwed up, speaking to Gabby did. She threatened to stop me seeing her, told me if I kept breaking my promises and hurting her little girl by doing so, she'd stop me having contact with her."
"So finally you've realised that the whole world doesn't revolve around you and your grief?"
"Basically. And I also know that we are very close to losing what we've got. Aren't we?"
Kelly nodded his head sadly, "I love you Stella, God I love you so so much but I can't sit by and watch you destroy yourself every night. You're lucky you haven't been written up for turning up to work hungover, and I'm pretty sure that on more than one occasion you've still been wasted when we've clocked on haven't you?"
"Yeah" she agreed, a overwhelming feeling of shame washing over her as she listened to him.
"I honestly think you are right and this" he said pointing at the papers in her hands, "this could be exactly what you need to turn your life around. But the only way I will commit to this is if we lay down some ground rules. And you commit yourself fully to becoming my submissive. It won't work if you don't and you know it won't."
"I will do everything you tell me, and if I don't I'll face the consequences with as much grace and reform as I can. I know it won't be easy to begin with, Gabby expressed how difficult it was for her to submit at first, but I'm open to this. I'm open to learning and changing. I'm open to us fixing what we have, and living a long and happy life together. And if that means I get a sore behind then so be it, maybe it will open my eyes to thinking before I act. Engaging my brain before I jump in with both feet first."
"That's a very determined speech Stella, but do you mean it?"
"I do, I promise I do." She assured him, the woman desperate to make him see this wasn't another one of her empty promises. "Gabby told me that Matt sometimes uses other implements, and that on occasion she has been grounded. Would the same rules stand here for us? Would you ground me if I stepped out of line in a major way? Would you be able to take your belt to my backside if it was needed? Could you do this?"
Kelly thought for a moment, the man seriously considering his next words. "I truly believe that if we make some changes to the way we live that we can have one of the happiest relationships around. Maybe even match that of Gabby's and Matt's. I know that it won't be easy, that seeing you cry during a punishment would be difficult." Stella raised an eyebrow at him, his comment not surprising her as such but still making her face look as if it had. "Stella if I spank you, you best believe I won't be stopping until those tears are flowing." he told her more firmly.
"It's not that I didn't think you would, but I suppose.. I hadn't really thought of it like that." She told him, a small smirk coming to her lips as he nodded his head in understanding. "So is that a yes then?"
"Yes" he nodded, "we will make some changes. We will see if this helps us because if it doesn't then I think our relationship may be beyond repair."
"So how is this going to work?" she asked, a sudden nervous tingling running through her body, she didn't know if he was going to start this now and punish her for last night or if from this moment on she'd be held more accountable but either way she felt nervous and a sudden sense of dread.
"Well I think we should start as we mean to go on, but first we need to lay down some ground rules so you know what I expect from you and you know what the consequences will be if you continue on the path you have been following."
"Okay" she responded quietly.
"So first of all, these all night benders you've been going on they stop now."
"Okay."
"The correct answer to my chastising you is 'yes sir', do you understand?"
"Yes" she replied. A small squeak leaving her lips as she was lifted out of her chair by him, the man spinning her round and landing a sharp slap against her covered bottom.
"Wrong answer."
"Yes sir" she corrected, her hand launching to her bottom to rub the sting away, but her wrist was suddenly in his hand.
"No rubbing" he ordered "when you are spanked you are not permitted to do anything to relive the discomfort until I give you permission."
"Yes sir" she answered moving her hands back to her side. If that one swat was anything to go by he knew what he was doing, and she dreaded how her poor butt was going to feel after a proper session.
"So that's rule one and two. I take it I don't have to tell you what will happen if you forget to abide by them."
"No sir" she responded respectfully.
"Good. Now I know that you haven't just been abusing drink have you?"
Stella bowed her head, the woman unable to meet his eyes as she murmured. "No."
Another sharp slap made contact with her, making her jump suddenly. "Ouch No sir."
"Better, don't forget again" he warned, "now have you been buying? Or is it Gail?"
"Gail buys it, I just have a few puffs.."
"You no longer do that and if I even suspect that you have you'll have a session over my knee that you won't forget. Am I understood?"
"Yes sir."
"Good because Stella if you continue to party so hard with Gail, I'll stop you from going out with her at all."
"What?" she exclaimed, "you can't, you wouldn't."
"I can and I will. Your health, responsibilities and job come first and always will, what you've been doing could have lost you all three. You've just been handed the keys to truck do you really want to lose them and your job because you've been on a bender and turned up to work still under the influence? Do you want to risk causing an accident because of bad choices? Hey!" His voice was raising slightly as he chastised her.
"No sir." She responded her eyes diverting to her feet.
"Right, so if you can't go out and be sensible when you are with Gail you will no longer be permitted to seeing her alone."
"That's unfair" she told him crossing her arms across her chest in a huff.
"Lose the attitude NOW" Kelly growled.
"You can't tell me who I can and can't see Kelly." She snapped back, her tone earning her another quick swat across the seat of her jean cladded bottom.
"Actually I can, you just handed me that right when you agreed to this." he told her, wagging his finger back and forth between them, "and if you continue to sulk about it I'll spank you, then we will finish this discussion and you'll get the spanking that's coming for last night."
"What!" she exclaimed, her mouth slightly open. "Two spankings!"
"Yes two. Now are you going to suck it up and start listening or do we need to do this the hard way?"
"No sir, I'll listen." She replied, unsure if she really wanted one spanking let alone two after experiencing what his hand was capable of with just a few swats, the dull sting still residing minutes later.
"Good, because I really don't want to spend all night making that pretty little ass of yours red raw, but I will if you give me anymore cause."
"Yes sir. So what other rules are there?"
"You will always be punctual to all commitments, work, babysitting, drinks with the house, any other social or work related event. If you're going to be late it best be because there was a life and death situation. Your time keeping as of late has been appalling, I'm not going to keep excusing your tardiness to the chief and Casey. You are at work fifteen minutes before shift or I mark you as late and that will ensure you a sharp reminder in time keeping."
"Yes sir."
"Good now this attitude you seem to have developed that no one else's feelings matter? That stops now! You continue to hurt people with your careless actions and I swear you won't sit down for a week. What happened today with Bella? That happens again and I will beat your ass so hard you'll wish you had a cushion permanently attached to it. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes sir, it won't happen again I promise."
"It better not." Severide told her with glare. "Now my last rule, you will speak to people respectfully, no more rolling your eyes or answering back with that smart mouth you seem to have become accustomed to."
"Yes sir."
"Good. I'm glad we understand each other. Now I'm going to give you some safe words, these are in place to stop me hurting you, and are to be used in the event that a punishment is going beyond what you can take. Or if your emotional health is suffering." Stella nodded in understanding, the woman not saying a word as she waited to hear what they were. "Very simply I'm going to give you one for a pause and one for a complete stop. So if you need a short break you will say yellow, and if you seriously can't take anymore you will say red. Do not abuse your safe words Stella, if you do it defeats the purpose and it also undermines the trust we are putting in each other. Okay?"
"Yes sir, I will only use them when absolutely necessary. Is that everything?"
"Almost" Kelly confirmed, "we just need to agree on implements. Now Matt tells me he uses paddles, the hair brush and occasionally his belt. Do you have any objection to any of those things being used on you?"
"No sir."
"Ok, and how about other forms of punishment?"
Stella stared at him for a moment the woman slightly confused by his question.
"For example if you excessively start swearing or you lie to me I will wash your mouth out with soap. Do you agree?"
She thought for a moment before nodding her head.
"I need to hear you say it out loud please. Do you agree to soapings?"
"Yes sir."
"And do you agree to being grounded, losing privileges like the right to drink alcohol and using your phone? Do you agree to writing lines and standing in the corner?"
"Yes sir, I agree to whatever you deem necessary for my punishments under any given circumstance. I trust you Kelly and I trust you will act in my best interest without causing me any lasting damage." She told him, the honesty and truth in her words ringing loud and clear as her eyes told him everything he needed to know about how much she truly meant what she was saying.
"Very well in which case go find a corner and put your nose in it. I will be dealing with last night before we finish tonight, but right now you can go and think about your actions and how they affect people."
"Yes sir" she told him moving towards the far side of the apartment and placing herself in the corner facing the wall. Her nose touching the cold concrete in front of her.
She wasn't sure how long she was going to have to stand there for, the woman trying to think over the reasons behind her reckless and dangerous behaviour the previous evening. Her shame and embarrassment of being stood in the corner only increasing the longer she was there. But if it wasn't bad enough that she was stood there like a little kid being disciplined by their parent it was about to get a whole lot worse. A knocking at the door making her jump around quickly.
"Turn back around" Kelly demanded the minute he saw her looking.
"But..."
"Do as you are told Stella!" He said firmly "I won't say it again."
Scoffing loudly she turned her body back to the corner, the woman flushing several shades of red as she listened to him open the door up. A sense of dread sweeping over her as she heard a very familiar voice.
"Hi sorry is this a bad time?"
"No no come in. What can I do for you?" Kelly said opening the door further.
"I just wanted to speak to you about Stella.. oh" she heard her friend stop, the woman obviously spotting her in the corner. "I can come back later?"
"Haley you've come all the way over here to tell me something what is it?" He asked the detective of the twenty first.
"I erm, so last night there was an incident at Two shoes."
"The club?"
"Yeah, a girl got given some bad gear and well when we we're looking through the CCTV we spotted Stella and her friend with the man we suspect had sold it to her."
"Oh really" Severide said, his voice laced with confusion and annoyance. "Stella!"
"Yes" she responded turning round to face her boyfriend and friend.
"Pardon?"
"Yes sir" she corrected, her red face flushing even hotter.
"Is that true, were you hanging out with a drug dealer last night?"
"Not that I know of, no." she responded, in truth she couldn't remember who she'd seen and who she hadn't but she was pretty adamant that none of her college friends were drug dealers. Users yes, they all dabbled in various different recreational drugs but she had never suspected any of them to be dealing.
"Stella I'm going to need to ask you a few questions about last night?" Haley told her, the woman moving towards the couches. "I'll be quick about it, but I need the names of everyone you were out with last night."
"Erm, I was out with Gail mainly, Gail Hiding, and Jessie Miller. We met up with a few people at the club but they were Gail's friends I don't know their names. Sorry."
"And were there any drugs about that you saw?"
Stella glanced towards Kelly who nodded his head for her to tell her, "Yeah."
If Haley was shocked by the information she didn't let it show, the woman merely nodding in response before moving onto her next question. "Who provided them?"
"Gail, she always does."
"Okay, and do you have an address for Gail?"
"Why?" she asked suddenly, the firefighter becoming increasingly concerned the further the questioning went on.
"Because I'm going to need to find out who her dealer is, and maybe see how far she is in the mix of the disputation."
"What Gail isn't a dealer, she just shares with her friends!"
"With you?" Haley asked, her brow raised in question.
"Yes sometimes" Stella admitted.
"Okay, well that means that she is involved in disputation, just because she hasn't sold it to you doesn't mean she isn't dealing the stuff."
"We never do anything more than a bit of weed."
"It's still drugs Stella. Either way I need that address."
Stella gave Haley the address of her friend that firefighter hating that she may have just sold her friend out.
"Thank you. I'll be in touch if I need anything else from you but I need to ask you don't contact Gail and tell her about this. If she is involved the last thing we need is her doing a runner. We have a twenty one year old who has over dosed and is clinging to her life in med, we owe it to her and her family to get some answers for them. To whoever is responsible for this batch to pay for what they've caused."
"She won't be making any phone calls you can be rest assured." Kelly said before Stella could speak. The blonde giving him a short nod before making her goodbyes.
He turned to face his girlfriend as he closed the door behind their friend, his face flushed with fury. "You see what happens when you mess about with drugs? You see what your decision and choices can do? What if that had been you last night? Hey! Then what?"
"I'm sorry I didn't think about anything like that happening to me. I won't be doing it again I promise."
"You didn't think at all Stella.. but you will think next time, I'm about to make sure of that" he told her taking long strides towards across the room, his hand gripping firmly around her upper arm as he pulled her up. "You ready for this?" he asked wanting to be absolutely sure before they went any further.
"Yes" she whispered.
SMACK
"Try again"
"Yes sir" she yelped, her butt feeling like it had just been stung.
"Good" he said dragging her over to the dining table and pulling out a chair. He sat down, Stella positioned to his right hand side. "Why are we here?"
"Because I went out last night, drank and smoked and fell short of my commitments I'd made."
Without saying a word he'd pulled her down across his lap, her jean covered butt pointing upwards at him as a flurry of stinging smacks landed across her cheeks. Kelly making quick work of warming her butt up.
"Ouch" she shouted "Kelly it hurts!"
"It's supposed to" he told her not relenting in his pace or force, the man wanting her to understand just how mad he was with her over the way she'd been living her life. "Maybe next time you decide to go on an all night bender this will make you think twice." He told her pausing suddenly. "Take your jeans off."
"What? No!" Stella exclaimed, the woman immediately regretting her decision when she was dealt another series a stinging blows.
"The correct answer is yes sir and compliance." he told her pausing again. But when she still refused to move he stood her up, reaching forwards and undoing them for her.
"Kelly please" she begged, wanting to keep some form of modesty. She knew from her conversation with Gabby that her pants always came down during a punishment but even with that bit of information she was hoping she could bargain with him.
"Stella, they are coming down so either you do it or I will" he stated staring at her. "But if I have to do it you're going to regret it."
The threat was enough, she had no idea what he was planning but she knew if she wanted to sit down at all during shift tomorrow she needed to comply to what he was asking. Slowly she pushed her jeans down and pulled them off her feet, the woman taking as much time as she could in a hope of shortening her punishment. Of course that didn't work, and by the look on Kelly's face when she finally met his eyes again her time wasting had only angered him more.
"Back over my knee" he ordered.
She just stood there staring at him, she didn't know why, she knew it would only make matters worse, that not doing as he asked would only make her punishment last longer and the only thing she was going to get was a sorer butt but she didn't have it in her to submit to him. Not in the way he wanted her to anyway.
"Now Stella do not make me count."
She shuffled forwards slightly, her tongue poking out through her teeth as she shook her head. Her butt hurt a lot already and she knew that without the protection her jeans had given her it was only going to intensify.
"If you don't get over my knee right now you are going to earn extras, and they won't be with my hand." He warned.
"I.. I.. no" she stuttered eyeing him nervously.
"One... two... three... Stella now" he told her holding his hand out. "four... fi..."
He pulled her across his knee as he finished counting "five. You'll be getting five with your hairbrush at the end." he told her, his hand already coming back down against her near bare backside, her little lacy underwear offering her no protection against the onslaught he was delivering.
"Yes sir" she responded, tears running down her cheeks. She tried to keep still, and take her punishment but it hurt beyond anything she had imagined. She hadn't been naive to the fact that it was going to, as a child she'd had a few spankings and they had always hurt but this, this was different. The pain was intensified with the embarrassment she was feeling. Her legs kicking upwards as each SMACK made contact with her already tender skin, her cries being the only other sound in the room.
"I told you that you will do exactly what I tell you to do and if you don't the consequences will not be to your liking. Are you starting to understand that? Am I getting through to you now?" Each word was amplified with another sharp SMACK, his hand leaving a very big impression on his girlfriend draped across his knee, the boyfriend only pausing momentarily to remove her underwear, his hand coming straight back down against her now bare behind.
"Yes sir" she choked, her voice catching in her throat when his swats moved to the backs of her thighs, the sensitive area hurting more than the rest of the spanking put together.
He could tell he was getting through to her, her bodies reaction telling him more than her tears or pleading could. The woman now lying limply in front of him as he slowed his actions down, the few light spanks he was still landing becoming less and less as he wound down the punishment.
"Go get your hairbrush please" he told her pulling her to her feet. The woman's hands flying backwards towards her butt, as she desperately tried to rub the sting away. "No rubbing" he spoke firmly, the glare in his eye enough of a warning. "Go get your hairbrush and come straight back, I'll know if you stop to rub so don't you dare attempt to sneak any comfort in."
"Yes sir" she nodded moving towards their bedroom. Her red butt glowing as she moved, he didn't like what he had just done, if anything it had hurt him more than it had her, the man having to cut himself off from his emotions especially when her tears had started to fall but he had continued despite that fact. His discussions with Casey assuring him that if he fought through the initial difficulty of the situation the results would benefit them both immensely.
"Here" she said handing him the brush. "How many?"
"You're getting five for not complying and a further two for rubbing" he told her, pulling her back into his lap. "You ready?"
"Yes sir."
Before she could even register what we going to happen seven sharp swats landed across the fleshy part of her bottom, each one being met with a cry and shout from the woman's who's bottom was being targeted. And it was over, Stella crying loudly over his knee as he rubbed soothing patterns on her back. Her boyfriend whispering encouraging words to her.
"You took that so well baby" he told her pulling her up into his lap, her sore behind resting just off his legs. "I'm proud of you."
"That hurt a lot" she whimpered, the pain in her behind a sharp reminder to what had just happened to her.
"It's suppose to hurt baby, otherwise it's pointless. Are you okay?"
Stella nodded her head, "I am" she confirmed. "It hurts, like really hurts but I'm okay."
"Good" he said kissing her head gently. "What do you say to watching a film together before bed?"
"I'd say that sounds like a perfect evening as long as I can be wrapped in your arms."
"Of course" he told her, "why don't you go put some joggers on and I'll make us some popcorn?"
"Sounds perfect." She responded giving him a gentle kiss before making her way to the bedroom.
Her butt hurt, it hurt a lot but despite the discomfort she was feeling she had a sense of closure and happiness. The woman knowing she had paid for her misgivings and that the lesson she had just learnt wasn't one she was wanting to be reminded of anytime soon.
If she'd learnt anything tonight it was that this road to accountability was going to be a enlightening experience and the only way to make it easier on herself would be following the rules. Could she keep the promises she had made tonight? Could she tell her friends no to save her own pride? Only time would tell on that one but for now she knew she didn't want to go through the consequences her bad choices held again anytime soon.
I'd be really grateful if you could leave me a review please, let me know what you think? Thanks guys.