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Coffee Shops and Cameras

Chapter 31

"Can I get you a drink?" I murmured, looking across the table at a very uncomfortable looking Kaoru.

"No thank you" he replied, a deep exhale breaking through the barrier of his lips.

I nodded in acknowledgement.

He seemed to be fidgeting anxiously in his seat, which was a stark contrast to the calm and carefree Kaoru I'd come to know. I'd never seen him look so wired. It were as if he had 100 different thoughts running through his mind and he was struggling to choose one to focus on.

I tried my best to maintain eye contact with him for as long as I could, but after a while I had to force myself to look away.

Why the hell did they have to be identical?

I knew that if I overlooked the slight differences - I could easily find myself pretending he was Hikaru. It hurt to look at him. Hurt to think about him.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked when he continued to say nothing.

He sucked in a breath, "Many reasons"

"Well, that's nice and vague"

"Sorry" he closed his eyes and shook his head, "I know I'm probably not the person you want to see right now"

That comment caused a pang of guilt to shoot through my chest, "It's not you"

"No. It's my face"

I couldn't deny it, so I didn't even try to.

"How have you been?" he asked hesitantly.

Well Kaoru, there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be and I'm currently running solely on whiskey and stale doritos. So, not great.

I shrugged, "I've been better"

"You haven't been answering my messages"

"I haven't charged my phone"

"In 3 weeks?"

I gave him an apologetic look. Honestly, I wasn't even sure where my phone was.

"I heard you took all your vacation days"

I avoided his eyes and nodded.

"Everyone is worried about you"

"They don't need to be" I replied honestly.

"We can't help it" Kaoru shrugged sadly, "Nothing has felt right since you left. Hika's even worse now than he was before"

I made a face and tried not to let out a sarcastic scoff, "This was his choice. He doesn't have any right to be upset"

Kaoru looked down at his hands rested on the table and cleared his throat uncomfortably. His face was so full of conflict it almost seemed like he was struggling just as much as I was. I felt for him in so many ways. I guessed if Hikaru really was going through another bad change then that would affect Kaoru just as strongly.

"Did you mean it when you said you loved him?" he suddenly asked. The question caught me off guard and I felt the words rise to my throat, choking me silent, "The thing is...he told me he loved you too. The night before it happened. He told me he was in love with you, and I swear I'd never seen him so happy. I think he loved you for a while. Which is why...why I didn't understand why he would ruin all of that"

My heart began hammering in my chest, and hot tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill over.

My mouth gaped open, as if trying to usher out the words I wanted to say, "Are you trying to be funny?" I croaked.

Kaoru's eyes widened, "Huh?"

My breathing came in angry heaves as I stood up out of my seat. My body felt as if it were on fire, painful tingles racketing down my arms and legs. My knees shook violently as I forced myself to hold the pain back from making itself visible.

"I'm glad you find my situation amusing enough to make jokes about it" I tried to keep my voice steady, "But that's low Kaoru"

He looked shocked by my accusation. He raised his palms in surrender with wide eyes, "Hey, hey, hey, I'm not making any jokes here"

"Please leave"

"Haruhi, I'm not joking. He really said that. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true"

I stared at him for the longest time. He stared right back.

"Sit down Haru, there's more I want to say"

I didn't react right away, it were as if for some reason my limbs didn't want to comply.

Kaoru just looked up at me with so much sincerity and loyalty. There was no way what he said was the truth, but Kaoru had never lied to me before, and I couldn't see a reason why he would start now. Especially about that.

"Please?" he pleaded.

Slowly, I sank back down, staring at him cautiously.

"Thank you" he exhaled, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you"

"Did you really come here just to talk about Hikaru?" I accused.

"I found out something. Something that explains why he did what he did" he replied, "I know you're hurting right now, and you probably don't even want to think about him, but please hear me out. You might change your mind once you've heard what I have to say"

I wasn't sure what to think. What had he found out? And honestly why did it matter? I didn't care for the reason why, because it didn't change the fact that he did it. Hikaru left me feeling used and abandoned, he made me believe that every moment we had spent together had been one giant lie. I couldn't even bare to think about that weekend we had spent at the vineyard. Was that really all an act?

My chest hurt at the thought.

Don't think about that weekend...don't think about it...

"I know you probably don't want to know, but Hika has been a mess since the day he walked out. He left for 2 weeks and didn't tell anyone where he went, and the rest of the time he's been out drinking or hiding out in his room"

I shrugged, "So the same as he was before then?"

"No. This is different. He hasn't spoken to anyone. Not me, not Mom, not Dad. He hasn't been shouting or arguing with anyone, he's just been...absent. And this morning when I tried talking to him, I mentioned you and he got upset. I saw him crying. I haven't seen him cry since we were kids"

"Why would he be crying over me? He was the one who ended it" I said in confusion.

"Do you honestly think he walked out on you because he chose to? I know you don't believe me but he told me he was in love with you. People in love don't just end things out of nowhere. There had to be a reason for it"

I shook my head.

He was giving me hope. It was so cruel it physically hurt.

"Do you remember how late I was on the day of the interview?" he asked.

I nodded slowly.

"I was late because I saw someone I recognised. It caught me off guard because there was no way it was who I thought it was. But I kept thinking about them even after everything went down because it just didn't feel like a coincidence" he explained in a rush as if he'd been holding all of this in for weeks, "I never asked Hikaru about it because he wasn't around long enough to talk to, and besides, bringing her up felt like it would do more damage than good"

"Bring who up?" I was so confused at this point. What was he getting at? What did some stranger have anything to do with what Hikaru did?

"Seika" he answered, and stared me dead in the eye.

I blinked.

Did I hear him right?

Seika?

Hikaru's ex-girlfriend Seika?

Hikaru's ex-girlfriend Seika who destroyed his life, reputation and ability to love?

That Seika?

"What?" I uttered in disbelief.

"I know. I didn't see how it could have been possible. I mean, why the hell would she be there? She and Hika haven't spoken in years. But there's more" Kaoru was spouting words like a man who'd been biting his lip for days. He leaned closer to me, his hands gesturing outwards as he spoke, "This morning as he was leaving his phone started to ring, but when he looked at the screen he threw the phone on the bed like he was mad as hell. So I looked at it. And he had hundreds of goddamn messages from this unknown number threatening him and begging him to answer"

My head was running a mile a minute trying to take in all the information Kaoru was throwing at me.

"I still don't understand" I said, "What has Seika got to do with any of this? And how does this explain what Hikaru did?"

I was starting to get frustrated with him.

"I answered the phone Haruhi" Kaoru replied firmly, "I answered it, and it was her"

The remnants of my heart sank deep into my stomach at his words. Suddenly I felt like every nerve in my body had been set alight and there was nothing that could be done to extinguish the burning. I could have been sick.

Why the fuck was she calling him?

"I...I..." I trailed off, my words dying on my lips, "I don't understand"

"I pretended to be Hika, to see what she would say" he continued.

"And...and what?" my voice sounded so distant in my ears, as if I were whispering in the centre of a stadium.

"She did it Haruhi. She made Hikaru end things with you, she made him walk out of that interview" his hand reached across the table and grasped mine, "When I spoke to her she kept saying if Hikaru didn't stop ignoring her she would come through with her threats"

"Her threats?" the lump in my throat was growing so big I feared I may choke. I was overcome with a barrage of emotions. Sadness, hopelessness, heartbreak, guilt, longing, anger...

"She threatened to do the same thing she did to Hikaru...to you"

"Wh...what?"

"She told Hikaru that if he didn't stop seeing you and stop trying to prove her stories wrong then she would expose you. She would release your name and sell slanderous stories about you to the press. She was going to ruin you just as she did to Hikaru"

My month went dry and finally, the tears began to fall.

HIKARU

Why wouldn't the pain go away?

No matter how much he drank it never seemed to dull the agonising ache in his chest. It never stopped the tears from burning his eyes. And it never made the anguish subside. He'd never known pain like this, and had he tried to imagine it before experiencing it he wouldn't have been able to capture just how horrific it was.

It had been 3 weeks, and honestly, it could have been 3 years and Hikaru didn't think it would have made a single difference to how he felt. Hikaru thought 'love' was supposed to be a sweet warm feeling, but thus far it felt like someone stabbing a red hot spike through his chest.

He couldn't stop thinking about her. She'd attached herself to every thought, and every night his dreams featured her perfect smiling face and those big brown eyes. It physically hurt to remember her. Especially when the last time he saw the face of the woman he loved she was in tears. Tears he caused.

Hikaru threw back another drink, then gestured to the bar tender for another.

He gave him a cautious look but brought the bottle over anyway.

You didn't have a choice, you didn't have a choice, you didn't have a choice...

Of course he had a choice. And he chose to protect her. What else could he have done? Seika was going to completely destroy Haruhi's life and drag her down just as she did to him. He knew the harm of what she'd previously done to him all too well, and he wouldn't wish that on anyone. Especially not on Haruhi. She didn't deserve that. She was too good of a person to be slandered across the pages of a magazine. Stories like the ones Seika manifested didn't just 'go away'. They attached themselves to you forever, like a tattoo to remind everyone just how much of a fuck up you were.

This was for the best. Haruhi would move on with her life, scandal free. Nothing to loom over her forever and ruin how other's saw her. Because she was an amazing person, and that's the only real version of her people should see. Not some warped caricature Seika made up.

But fuck, even if it was for the best – it hurt. It hurt so damn bad.

Hikaru found himself restraining the urge to just turn up on her doorstep and apologise. To tell her everything and beg for her back. He would have done anything just to hold her against him again. Even just to hold her hand. But that wasn't possible anymore.

When Kaoru had told him Haruhi hadn't been to work he could barely contain the agony that turned it's ugly head. It showed him just how much he'd hurt her. He regretted his last words to her so much, he knew he could have said something else – anything else and still got the same message across. But no. Instead he'd told her she was 'just a good fuck' and meant nothing to him. He witnessed the moment her heart shattered reflected in her glassy brown eyes as he spoke those words. But in the heat of the moment he just wanted to ensure she would be safe from Seika. He had to make sure she wouldn't want to stay with him, to make sure there was no doubt that it was over.

He'd broken down in tears once Kaoru left the room. He hated that he was hurting his brother too, but he didn't know how to stop it. Even during the worst of times they had always been close, Hikaru never had a problem letting his brother in and confiding in him. But this. This wasn't one of those times. He was alone in this one, and honestly, Hikaru didn't know how it was going to end. Or even if it would end.

Once again, Seika had him wrapped around her finger. And Hikaru had no choice but to comply. She'd been calling and texting non-stop, begging him for attention. It was overwhelming whenever he'd glance down at his phone and see the countless texts just pouring through one after the other. Clearly Seika didn't spend a lot of quality time with this new fiancé of hers, cause if Hikaru had been in this guys shoes and seen his woman glued to her phone for 12 hours a day – he would certainly have some questions.

Surprised was an understatement when Hikaru found out she'd actually found a man who wanted to marry her. He imagined this guy was probably just as bad as she was, or at least he wasn't around her enough to see what a manipulative bitch she was.

He took another long swig of his drink as that word rolled around in his mind.

Hikaru had never wanted to lower himself to childishly insulting her as she had done with him. But now that she'd destroyed any hope of being with the woman he loved, he was finding it harder and harder bite his tongue against the abusive words that rose to mind whenever he thought about her.

'Bitch' was probably the kindest thing he'd called her over the last month.

As he reached over to pour himself another drink, a tap on his shoulder caused him to freeze in place and roll his head to the side. His brother was standing there with a sullen look on his face. Hikaru exhaled in frustration.

"You found me then?" he sighed.

"Hika" Kaoru replied, "You need to come home"

"No thank you"

Hikaru continued pouring himself another drink, ignoring the judgemental look he received from the bartender.

"This is important" Kaoru said, "We need to talk"

"I'm too drunk to talk"

"I can see that"

"Then it can wait until morning"

Hikaru hated the words coming out of his mouth. He couldn't stand how his brother's face fell whenever Hikaru would respond to him. He just didn't know how else to answer, he wanted to keep his brother at arm's length at all cost. Seika made it clear that no one else could know about what was happening, and Hikaru knew that if given the chance, he would spill every detail to his twin. They'd always been able to tell when the other was lying, it were as if they could read each other's minds. But this. Kaoru couldn't know about this. If Seika found out he'd told anyone she would hurt Haruhi, and he would never let that happen. Over his fucking dead body.

"Hikaru please" Kaoru persisted. His voice was serious, in a way Hikaru hadn't heard before.

He looked back at him, "Kao" he said with a heavy breath, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk right now"

"I know" he nodded, "But I don't think this can wait"

Hikaru furrowed his brow, "What do you mean?"

Kaoru looked like he was on the verge of tears. Like something really bad had happened. It sobered Hikaru right up.

"Kao?"

"I didn't know what else to do Hika" he breathed, "I thought I was helping. I thought...I thought if I told her it would answer questions she may have, or at least be a step in a direction to fix everything, but...but-"

"Kao what are you talking about? Tell who?"

"Haruhi" he replied.

Hikaru's chest tightened and his mouth went dry, "What?"

"I found out Hika. About everything. Why you did it, who caused it - I had to talk to someone about it. I thought if I explained it to Haruhi then you and her could finally talk to each other and find a way to fix it"

Hikaru's head hurt as he tried to take in each and every word his brother spoke. He knew? He knew about Seika? How? And he told Haruhi...why would he do that? What did she say?

"God damn it Kaoru!" Hikaru groaned, pulling the hair at his temples, "Why couldn't you have just left it alone?!"

"Because I was losing my brother! You wouldn't talk to me, I had no choice but to find out for myself!"

"I couldn't talk to you about it! If she finds out I told anyone she'll...she'll..."

"She'll do to Haruhi what she did to you. I know"

"How did you find out?" Hikaru looked at his brother in disbelief. Everything was falling apart all over again. As he stared into his brother's increasingly widening eyes he found his answer, "My phone..."

"I answered and pretended to be you. She kept telling me if you kept ignoring her she would sell a load of shit to the tabloids"

"And you told Haruhi? Why the fuck would you do that?"

"I told you" Kaoru palmed his face, "I thought if I told her we could go to you and all come up with some kind of plan to fix everything"

"We can't fix it Kaoru"

"You don't know that Hikaru, there's a way, there has to be"

"You don't think I haven't tried to come up with something that could erase all of this? I want nothing more than to get Seika out of my life, out of mine and Haruhi's life, but there's nothing. She's won. Telling Haruhi hasn't changed anything, I wanted Haruhi to hate me. That way she'd move on with someone else and not look back"

"She can't move on without answers Hika, she's just as much of a mess as you are"

"She just needed time. She would have forgotten me"

"She's in love with you Hika"

"She'll fall in love with someone else" the words felt like poison burning his lips.

I don't want her to love anyone else, she's mine.

Not anymore.

"I don't know" Kaoru looked at his feet sorrowfully, "I think I might have made it worse"

Hikaru stared at him, waiting for more.

"It's why I need you to come with me" he continued, "Haruhi is...pissed. Like really pissed. I left her for 2 minutes to use the bathroom and when I went back to the kitchen she was gone"

Hikaru could hear his heart thumping in his ears, "What do you mean 'gone'?"

"I mean she disappeared. Left the apartment without a word. When I told her about Seika and what she threatened she just snapped. Burst into tears and started shouting. I think she's gone to find Seika"

At that, Hikaru jumped from his seat and grabbed his brother's arm. He didn't wait to hear his brother's next words before he was dragging him out towards the door of the bar.

"We need to find her. If Seika finds out that Haruhi knows she'll ruin her"

"Haruhi doesn't even know where Seika is"

"Then where would she go?"

The two of them headed to Kaoru's car and climbed inside, "She doesn't have her phone" Kaoru said, "And she didn't take her car"

"So wherever she went, she went on foot"

"And she was in her pyjamas"

"Fuck" Hikaru swore under his breath and buried his face in his hands. It was starting to get dark outside, the last thing he wanted to think about was Haruhi wandering around at night in her pyjamas, especially in the area she lived in, "How was she when she left?"

"A mess" Kaoru pulled out onto the street, "I was barely able to calm her down, I've never seen her like that before"

"Have you been back to check if she came home?"

He nodded, "I've been looking for her all day. I stopped back just before I came here to get you"

"Is her Dad home?"

He shook his head, "No one is home"

Hikaru groaned into his hands as he tried to collect his thoughts. He pushed back the stress of having everyone know about his secret for another time, because the only important thing in that moment was finding Haruhi and making sure she was okay. Everything was so fucked. He never wanted to hurt Haruhi, and now that he knew he'd done that and more he hated himself for it. He fucking despised himself.

Think Hikaru, think.

Where would she go? There had to be somewhere, maybe she'd told him about a place? Fuck, why couldn't he clear his head?

Fucking whiskey, I'm never drinking again.

They were fast approaching Haruhi's neighbourhood and Hikaru's eyes were glued on the streets surrounding them.

"I already called Mom to check if maybe she went to ours but she hasn't seen her" Kaoru said.

Of course she hadn't gone home. Why would she? Hikaru would be the last person she'd want to see. He could only imagine how betrayed she was feeling. She hadn't even gone to work, and from what Hikaru could tell, Haruhi and his Mom loved each other like family.

Mom...

Hikaru froze, eyes wide.

She had told him before. Not explicitly, but she had done in her own way. Had Hikaru really been so ignorant as to completely forget something like that?

Stupid, stupid. Goddamn it.

"I know where she is..." Hikaru heard himself say.

"Huh?"

Hikaru looked at his brother, feeling his chest heave with emotion, "I know where she is" he repeated.

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a great Christmas or at least a nice break over the holidays! My present to you is a new update!

I hope you enjoyed this newest chapter, the next one is on it's way, as well as the newest update of Let The Wind Blow coming in the new year!

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Lots of love,
Yuli xx