Hey guys, thank you so much for all the comments on the bonus chapter. I know that one of you said you were finding it difficult to get into this story because you thought it was on the extreme side slightly and you were worried about Stella's mental health. I won't lie and say that some of the punishments can seem extreme to someone who isn't used to this kind of dynamic and that yes sometimes it can have the opposite effect than what you are hoping for. I myself have been in that position a few times and the key to dealing with it is open communication which I'm hoping this chapter deals with in a way that explains it a bit more.

Anyway without further a do, I hope you enjoy it.

Let's talk.

"Stella, it's Kelly again. When you get this please call me, I'm getting worried now you said you were going to the store and that was two hours ago." Severide hung up the call sighing deeply to himself. It had been two weeks since Casey had voiced his concerns about Stella, two weeks since she'd been dismissed from shift after the conversation with CPD. Stella had seemingly been lost in her own head for the most part and although the past two weeks hadn't presented any further problems since he dealt with her after he got home the next day, for the most part the reason had been she hadn't left his side in those two weeks. His girlfriend having remained grounded up until today, and now here he sat wondering where she could have got to, he couldn't help but think that maybe his friend had been right and everything they had built up from the day they made their arrangement was crashing down around them and this was the beginning of that.

He hadn't thought anything of it when she slipped out the door two hours ago, his girlfriend poking her head round the door of the bathroom while he was showering to tell him she was popping to the store for some bits for dinner before they spent their evening together. He'd even suggested she got them a nice bottle of something to enjoy together while there but now he couldn't help but think that maybe the reason she had chosen that moment to leave was because she wasn't actually going where she said she was. And that thought alone sent a nervous feeling throughout his body, he'd seen her struggling, he'd even tried to get her to talk to him about it but the more he'd tried the more she had shut down from him.

He had his suspicions of where she'd actually gone, there were only a handful of places she'd like wind up in on a Saturday evening and as much as he knew where she probably was he really didn't want to spend his evening chasing her round the club scenes of Chicago. No he would wait and see if she reached out to him, if she realised the error in her ways before he went all stern on her but when she got home she was in for a world of hurt. Not only had she lied to him, but she had ignored every text message sent and every phone call he'd made to her since she didn't come home. She'd not only ruined their evening together but had made him once again sit here worrying about her, worrying about where she was and who she was with. Scratch that he knew exactly who she was with, there was only one person that would have been able to convince her to run out on him like this, and he was pretty sure she had been texting with that person all day. What he didn't know was if this whole disappearing act she was currently doing was preplanned or a spur of the moment thing. He had no idea if she had actually ever had any intention in staying in with him this evening or if she had always planned to go and meet up with her friends. After everything that had happened, everything that she had been put through because of them and still she chose to go back to them.

A ding coming from his phone pulled him out of his thoughts, the man looking at the device still clenched in his hand to see a message from her.

Sorry, I needed to clear my head. I'll be back soon.

Clear her head, back soon. Where the hell had she been for the past two hours and why the hell did she think a text was a suitable way of informing him. As he read over the message again and again he could feel his anger rising, he was so mad right now, too mad to deal with her but he wasn't sure what to do having never been in this position before he had absolutely no clue how he should play it. He didn't want to take her in hand, not when he was angry, he didn't know much about this type of thing but he was certain that administering a spanking while mad was a big no no but he couldn't let her get away with what she had done, and he couldn't let her think that this was okay. That this was something that could repeatedly happen.

Even if what she said in her message was true, that she just needed to go clear her head, it didn't change that she'd lied to him. Why hadn't she just said that before she left? He'd never deny her the freedom to get some space, to do what she needed to to get through whatever it was that was eating her up inside. As long as she was honest with him and she didn't put herself in a dangerous position. And although he couldn't be certain that she had gone and done anything reckless the two hours of radio silence told him that she'd indeed been doing something he wouldn't have approved of. If she hadn't of been she would have answered the call. Wouldn't she?

How far away are you? He replied, clutching his phone in his hand as he watched her receive and read his message. Anticipation washing over him when he saw the three little dots appear on the screen that indicated she was typing something.

About an hour maybe more. I'm sorry.

An hour! Where the heck was she to be an hour away.

We're having a long talk when you get in. I hope you haven't been drinking?

No sir.

She pulled up outside their apartment nervousness spilling out of her body as she tried to calm herself. She knew she'd been stupid, that disappearing without a word wasn't going to sit well with her boyfriend but she really hadn't meant to do it.

When she first left the apartment earlier that evening she had indeed intended to only go to the store and return but somewhere between their place and the store her direction had changed the woman ending up in the last place she'd ever planned on going. And while she knew going there would help her process slightly she could kick herself for not texting or ringing to inform Kelly. That she hadn't picked up any of his calls or messages effectively leaving him in the dark as to where she had gone.

She knew he was probably worried, angry, pissed off and everything in between. She knew that whatever happened tonight was brought on entirely by herself but part of her didn't really care. She'd managed to get a semblance of closure tonight, sitting in that bar with her, she'd managed to close the page on her hurting so much. It hadn't numbed the feeling completely but speaking with her had helped. To know that someone else was finding the loss of their fallen brother as hard as she was, if not harder, it had helped her. They'd cried together, and laughed at memories of the little things he used to do. And in a way it had helped them both.

She wasn't sure why she hadn't gone there before, why the thought had never crossed her mind. If they'd done this weeks ago maybe both of them would be in better places now.

The woman she'd gone to see had confided in her that she too had been hitting the bottle a little harder than she should and that in those quiet moments alone she'd been haunted by the sheer memory of him.

Sitting with her tonight Stella had realised something. Something she hadn't really given much thought during her own spiral of grief. Otis had touched many many people with his kind and caring ways, his nerdy nature winning over people even when he didn't realise it. He'd changed not only her life but everyone's around him, each of them forever being different now that they'd spent time with him and been able to love him as he had loved them. And in that moment of realisation she had seen how selfish she had been to all those around her in shutting them out of her own grief. The woman realising that together they could move forward and still keep his memory alive. That no one had forgotten him like she had been worried about, no one was replacing him. People were just trying to move forward like he would have wanted them too.

With that in mind she took another deep breath, hearing his voice in her head, the little voice that had been there all the way home urging her to take this next step. To go home and face whatever it was she had to, so that she too could begin to move forward and begin living her life again.

Exiting her car she made sure to lock it before heading towards the entrance to their building. Stella reminding herself of the conversation they had a few days after Bella's birthday, knowing that today was going to be another one of those conversations.

The couple sat on the sofa, Stella's head lost in her book while Kelly stared blankly at the screen in front of him, the hockey match he had been watching long finished. It had been a few days since Bella's birthday and everything between the two had been a bit tense. A feeling that neither Kelly or Stella understood or liked.

Kelly knew he needed to talk with her about what it was that was bothering him, and he knew she needed to do the same but so far they had both ignored the conversation. The two spending most of the last few says barely saying a word to each other.

Reaching across to the coffee table he picked up the remote, pointing it at the screen and shutting the television off before turning to face her.

"We need to talk" he told her gently, Stella's head flicked up from her book to see him looking at her. The woman's eyes holding as much sadness as his did. He didn't like the way they'd been the past few days. Something was wrong and they needed to hash it out before it became an issue.

"We do" she agreed, shifting round and placing her book down, the woman curling her legs underneath her as she moved to get comfortable.

"Do you want to go first?" He offered sensing it may be better that way.

Stella shrugged, "I don't mind."

"Go first" Kelly said, "something's bothering you and we need to talk about it so we can deal with whatever it is."

"First I need to ask.." she paused taking his hands in hers "this conversation is a punishment free zone yes? I can tell you what I'm feeling without you getting mad."

Kelly eyed her for a moment, there was a near pleading look in her eye for him to accept her question as it was "yes Stella" he confirmed with a smile "this is about us dealing with what is bothering you and if that something is something I've done then I need you to trust you can tell me without fearing that I'm going to... you just need to be able to do it without a fear of me. Because I don't want you to fear me baby. I love you and the only reason we do what we do is so that I can keep you safe, nothing else has worked and I think this is. But then maybe I'm wrong. But I need to hear what's going on in there." He said pointing to her head. "What's playing over and over and keeping you awake at night. The good, the bad and the ugly."

"Okay" Stella said giving him a weak smile, "when we started this two weeks ago you told me that once we start there was no going back." He nodded in agreement letting her continue without interrupting. "And I don't want to go back, despite how badly you whopped me the other day I know it came from a place of love and worry. And I really pushed you, it wouldn't have been so bad if I had just been honest with you there and then. Which is why I'm going to be completely honest now."

Taking a steady breath she closed her eyes tightly "I think I need help."

"Okay?" Kelly said calmly. That wasn't what he had expected to come out of her mouth.

"I've been.. there are some pills in the cupboard. I've taken a couple of them.." she paused waiting for him to say something but when she was meet with silence she continued. "I haven't taken any since before I was dismissed from shift but there's a bottle of vodka in the kitchen that I have been drinking a lot of. And I know I shouldn't have been, that part of my conditions of grounding are no alcohol but I think I've got a problem. I think I'm still trying to numb the pain of losing Otis the only way I know how. But it's not healthy and it's not what we agreed."

There were a few more tense moments of silence, her confession washing over him while he tried to fathom when and how she'd been able to drink with him pretty much at her side constantly. He shook his head, trying to push the how and when away, they weren't important at the minute. What was important was the why, and she'd just started to explain that.

"Stella I know losing Otis, it's killing you. More than I realised. I think more than even you realised and then everything that happened with CPD and Gail. It's all been so much stress on you and I'm sorry if I've caused any stress on top of that. I know I gave you a really short leash after everything that happened. Maybe it was to much too soon."

"No, it wasn't." She immediately answered, the quickness and tone of her voice shocking them both but before Kelly could say anything she continued, "I needed it, and I appreciate how difficult it must have been for you to follow through with everything. As much as it hurt me, I know it hurt you more."

"I never want to hurt you" Kelly said quickly, her wording breaking his heart.

"You didn't." She assured him just as quickly, "well for a while I physically was in pain when sitting but weirdly I felt comfort in it. No one in my entire life has ever held me to that standard and no one has ever cared enough to correct me when I fu.. messed up. And I know I promised the drugs and drinking would stop. I know I broke my word and your trust. I just hope you can forgive me."

"I will always forgive you. No matter what." He told her giving her hands a gentle squeeze. "You aren't an addict Stella, if you were you wouldn't be able to function without a drink the minute you wake. You wouldn't be sat here off your own back telling me all this. You're struggling with something that has no guidelines, everyone grieves differently. Everyone copes in different ways, and although I can't say I approve of your choice of coping mechanism I also understand it." Gently he raised her head so she was looking at him, her eyes having moved downwards somewhere along the way. Her face bearing the marks of her tears that were still following freely down her cheeks.

"We can get through this baby, I'm going to be there every step of the way for you. Everyone at fifty one, they are going to be there for you. We are your family and I don't think any of us saw how you were feeling."

"I hide things well" she responded a slight grin coming to her lips.

"Not from me usually" he told her, his own smile matching hers. But even I missed this and it's not something that's going to happen again. From now on I'm going to keep a closer eye on you and if there's even a doubt in my mind that you aren't coping we are going to sit down and talk. Just like this conversation here, those talks will be a free space. A space you can tell me anything and everything you need to with no consequences."

"Promise?"

"I promise" he told her pulling her into his chest. "Come here."

His hand began to lazily rub up and down her back, Severide knew how much comfort she got from it and he was pleased to feel her relax into him the longer they sat together.

Before she knew it she was stood in front of their door, her heart beating against her chest as she moved to work the lock and enter their apartment. She wasn't sure what mood he was going to be in, if he was going to let her explain before dealing with her or if he was going to be so mad about her disappearance this evening that she was going to find herself either in the corner or over his lap the minute she walked in.

"You're home then?" He asked glancing up from his position near the sink. Stella watching as he finished washing up the last few dishes, the deep frown etched into his face telling her he was beyond pissed about this evenings events.

"I am" she said dropping her keys into the bowl by the door, kicking her shoes off and making her way towards him.

"Well I hope where ever you went was worth it."

"It was" she replied quietly her voice barely above a whisper. "Can we talk?"

The way she asked was almost like switch flipping inside him, where he'd been so angry before she'd walked through that door, he was now filled with worry. His face softening as he took her in, he hadn't really looked at her when she first got home, choosing to focus his attention on his task so as to not flip out on her but now he looked at her and truly saw her, he could see the clear exhaustion written all over her.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately, his eyes tracing up and down her body searching for a physical reason as to why she looked she down trodden.

"I went to see Lily."

"Lily?" He repeated confusion filling the air. Out of every person he expected to hear she'd been with, Otis's girlfriend was right at the bottom of that list. Nobody had seen or heard from her since the funeral, the young woman expressing her need for time away from them all. Apparently being around the house only made things harder for her, so hearing that Stella had gone to see her tonight not only shocked him but completely baffled him for a moment.

"Yeah, I went over to her bar. And we talked about Otis, about how we miss him and how we've both been struggling."

"That's where you've been?" He asked, Kelly once again having to take a minute to clarify that's what she'd just said.

"Yeah" Stella moved slowly towards the couches the woman wanting to sit before she dived into this with him. There was a lot she needed to say, a lot she needed to apologise for. And she felt more comfortable doing it from sitting. "Will you sit with me?" She asked tapping the seat beside her.

Kelly moved slowly from the kitchen, all the while watching as his girlfriend played with a loose thread in her sweater, the brunette taking to doing anything to distract herself while he obliged to her request.

"What's going on Stella? Why didn't you just say you were going to see Lily? Why did you lie to me? Why did you ignore my calls and texts? Didn't you know I'd be going outta my mind?"

"I know, and I don't blame you if you want to bring down a world of pain on me for disappearing but I didn't plan on going there. When I first left I was just going to the store. None of tonight was planned, I started driving and before I knew it I was outside her place." She took a deep breath, knowing she needed to explain herself better than she was. "I don't know when I changed the path to go there but while you were showering I was thinking about our conversation after Bella's birthday. Where I told you I needed help and I know I have an appointment the day after next shift but I was struggling..."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because it wasn't that bad, I was getting some flashbacks of him, I was thinking about him a lot and I thought maybe I could deal with it." Kelly gave her a sympathetic look, he knew she'd always been one to try and keep her true feelings hidden and over the past few weeks, months really she had done a pretty good job. Everyone knew that her partying and erratic behaviour was linked to the loss of her friend, but no one had been able to break through to her. Stella trying to deal with everything herself and failing.

"I was wrong. I know I could have spoken to you or anyone from the house but like you pointed out, I'm at a different point in my grieving than the rest of you. And I didn't want to bring it up and drag everyone down."

"You wouldn't have babe, if you need to talk about him then I am always here to listen. If you don't want to reach out to me, maybe Dawson?"

Stella sighed, she wasn't explaining her reasoning very well at all. "Kelly I love you, and I love all our firehouse family but this wasn't something I could talk to you guys about. I needed to speak with Lily, and when I got out in the car it was like I went into autopilot, driving over there. And it helped, we laughed and we cried. I realised I'm not the only one struggling to cope. She is too."

"Is she okay?" He asked concerned to hear the young woman who had become as much as a part of their family as the firemen and woman of fifty one was struggling.

"She's been much the same as me" Stella said sadly, "drinking too much, doing anything to numb the constant pain."

"We should reach out to her" Kelly mused, his hands dropping from their position upon her knees and reaching for his phone. "I can get Cruz.."

"Babe", Stella said reaching out to stop his actions. "She's going to come by the house soon, we've already discussed it. And I told her I'd keep in contact with her from now until then, that'll we'll both keep each other informed on how we are feeling."

"Is that who you were texting all day?"

"For the most part yeah. Being grounded these past two weeks gave me a lot of thinking time, some of that time was used for the purpose of thinking over my behaviour. But for the most part I was trying to overcome my fear of walking through this pain." She paused looking at him once more, the tears threatening her eyes shining back at him. "I realised something during this time, something I think I've been trying to do. I keep saying that I was processing and hurting from losing Otis, I kept blaming everything I was doing on that. But I realised something, today more than anything. There is no way round grief. You have to go through it for it to get better, you have to feel the pain, and the nitty gritty bits before you can deal with the loss. I haven't been doing that, I've been avoiding it. I can't keep avoiding it any longer. So I text Lily the minute you gave me back access to my phone, I text her to see how she was originally but we spent the day bouncing around the subject of him. And I knew, when she kept avoiding my question, I just knew that she was in the same place as me. So when I got out to my car I must have just thought 'why not'. I know I shouldn't have just up and gone, that by not telling you I broke several rules and I know that I could be facing more time inside these walls, but I had to go to her Kelly. To see if she was okay, what would Otis think if we all just ignored her and her pain. We've been radio silent for too long, we should have reached out weeks ago, we should never have let her distance herself from us."

"I'm proud of you" Kelly said after a few quite moments, his genuine smile matching his words as he pulled her towards him.

"So your not mad.?" She questioned resting against his chest.

"I'm not happy you ignored my calls or texts, but I'm proud of you for coming home and explaining everything. I'm proud of you for being able to voice what's bothering you and deal with it, without going and hitting a bottle. I'm proud of you because you have taken some pretty huge steps tonight." He told her, placing a soft kiss to her head.

"I for sure thought you were going to rip me a new one when I got in."

"Oh I was going to" he chuckled, "but then I saw your face and knew that whatever had caused you to run off tonight was much bigger than you just trying to test my limits."

"It didn't even cross my mind." She said softly, her eyes beginning to drop, the exhaustion of everything she been through and work through the past few hours finally catching up with her. The steady rise and fall of Kelly's chest almost lulling her to sleep.

"I know babe, I can see that. I'm just glad you felt safe enough and comfortable enough to tell me what happened." His hand stroked up and down her back, her soft breaths evening out against him. "Just don't ignore my calls or texts next time or there'll be consequences."

"Yes sir" she barely murmured, her body completely succumbing to sleep. Kelly sat holding her in his strong arms a content feeling settling in the air around them.

"Kidd you're with me" Casey shouted everyone moving to follow the orders they'd just been given by the truck Captain.

They'd not long pulled up at a house fire, the entire upper floor already overcome with flames long before they arrived on scene. They all knew this was going to be a bad call before they even jumped down from their rigs. House fifty one having had more than their fair share of these types of calls over the years and they all knew that the outcome was rarely a good one.

"Kidd" Casey shouted once more when the woman hadn't moved. "Kidd" he reached out for her arm, her eyes snapping back into focus on him, "You good?"

"Yeah sorry Captain, lets do this."

"Okay" he said looking over her features quickly, the two moving towards the building and up onto the top level.

They didn't have much time, they both knew that and neither of them wanted to be in here when the building would undoubtedly flash over. The firefighters battling against the clock on making sure they got everyone out before it became a recovery and not a rescue.

"Captain" Kidd shouted stopping outside one of the bedrooms. "Do you hear that?"

Casey came to stand next to his firefighter, the man listening to hear whatever it was that she had heard. A faint cry came from behind the door, Matt nodding his head as they went through the door. The flames in here were bigger than everywhere else, the two of them instantly knowing that this was probably the origin site.

"Fire department call out" both of them shouted moving carefully throughout the room.

"Mummy.." came a weak voice, the sound muffled slightly.

"Casey" Stella shouted heading towards the voice, "Over here Cap, two victims. A mother and child."

Casey was by her side within seconds the two of the grabbing hold of the mother and child and heading for the door, the flames licking at their backs as they went.

"Smokes turning black." Boden's voice came through on the radio, every firefighter inside the building knowing they had mere seconds to get out before the building became a death trap. Matt quickened up his pace, Stella following suit as the made their way to the entrance, pieces of ceiling falling in all around them.

"Captain look out" Stella shouted. Matt narrowly avoiding a beam crashing down to the ground as he managed to side step out of the way, Stella's warning coming just in the nick of time. "You okay?" she asked indicating another route out.

"I'm good" he told her, both of them near jogging out of the nearest exit and handing their patients over to the medics.

"Everyone clear" Casey shouted to Boden, the chief giving him a short nod before ordering the cannons to open up.

Stella's eyes were locked on the gurney the now limp child laying on it. She knew it was bad when they got to them, the mother already pronounced dead within moments of being outside. Her daughter still clinging on as the medics did their job.

It took a while to get the fire out, everyone beyond exhausted by the time they were ready to do their walk through.

There was a heavy feeling in the air by the time they pulled back up at the house, the room filled with an eerie silence as they all climbed out of their turnout gear. Everyone focusing on trying to get through what they had just experienced.

"Everyone okay?" Matt asked, putting his radio up on the dash.

"Yes Captain" everyone replied, although he knew that this call was going to sit with them all a little while. Especially when they had discovered the evidence of clear arson in the bedroom of the little girl.

"Alright, I'll be in my office if anyone needs to talk." he told them before exiting the room.

Stella stood in the shower washing away the soot and ash off her aching body, they'd been back at the house half an hour now. She'd come straight for a shower soon after stepping out of the rig, the woman needing a few moments to herself to deal with what they'd just witnessed. It always affected her when kids were involved, it affected them all but for some reason Stella had a rougher time than most shaking it. Today was no different and she knew she wouldn't be able to relax fully until sixty one came back, the paramedics would have an update for them and she was clinging to the hope that the update was good.

Reaching for her shampoo she heard a noise outside of her shower her head whipping round when she heard the curtain pull back slightly, her boyfriend standing just outside.

"Can I help you?" she asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"I just thought maybe I'd join you" he replied a smug grin coming to his face as he saw her suppress the urge to roll her eyes.

"Oh really?"

"Uh huh, it was a tough call and I was thinking maybe you needed some help decompressing." He told her beginning to remove his clothes from his body.

Stella watched as he stripped down to his boxers, her eyes tracing across his ripped body, lingering slightly as she reached out to help him into the shower. Her fingers laced in the thin material of his briefs, slowly she tugged them down chucking them on top of the rest of the clothes piled just outside. Their lips finding each other, Kelly pulling the curtain across the cubicle as he lifted her up onto his hips, their movements becoming near frantic as they enjoyed their time under the water.

"Man that was a shift and a half" Kelly groaned wrapping his arm tightly around his girlfriends shoulders as they made their way down the driveway and towards Kelly's car.

"Tell me about it, the only thing I want to do right now is go home and sleep." Stella responded.

After the house fire at the beginning of shift it had got progressively worse for the members of fifty one, that first fire not being the only one that left them with losses. Once Kelly and Stella had finished their fun in the shower the two had retreated to his office, Severide sensing that his girl was struggling more than she wanted to openly admit, so the two of them locked themselves away until you she felt ready to go out and face the rest of the group.

Unfortunately their exit from his office had co-insided with sixty one returning with an update for them. An update that hadn't shocked anyone but had left them all a bit raw.

"How's the girl?" Stella asked the moment the paramedics walked through the double doors.

Dawson shook her head, "we lost her on route."

Stella had taken that news badly and the rest of shift she had become withdrawn and quiet, the woman only speaking when spoken to and only coming out of her head when on calls. Apart from that she kept to herself, Kelly finding her in his office on more than one occasion. He was grateful for the fact that she had her appointment this afternoon, the man knowing that the circumstances surrounding yesterday mornings events, and the events of the rest of the day had left her more than a little on edge.

"You doing okay?" he asked, taking her shift bag from her and tossing it in the back while she worked on getting in the car and getting buckled up.

"Not really, but I have my appointment later. I think I'm mainly tired."

"Okay but remember you can speak to me if you need to" he told her climbing into the drivers seat.

"I know" she replied her attention moving out towards the street. "Can we just go home?"

"Of course."

The drive home was quiet, both of them lost in their own heads. The silence unnerving Kelly more and more with each passing minute, he knew the call had rattled her, hell it had rattled him and he had seen his fair share of those type of calls. But it wasn't that, that was worrying him. It was her complete shutdown that had him worried because it reminded him of how she had been the day they lost Otis, granted they'd all been a little closed off at first but within a few hours everyone had let their emotions show, everyone that was apart from Stella.

Everyone had flied into Med, each and everyone of them still baring the signs of the fire they'd just battled, the fire that could change this house, this family forever. One of their own had been hurt and none of them knew if he was going to pull through, his injuries having been so bad that even the paramedics hadn't said much.

Stella walked down the hallway, the woman having been pacing ever since they had arrived not twenty minutes ago, her mind racing with everything they had been through, everything he had been through, everything he had overcome. This couldn't be the end, could it?

"Stella" Kelly said a little louder than usually, the level to his voice telling her that he'd been trying to get her attention a while.

"Sorry? Did you say something?"

"I asked if you needed anything?" he repeated the question he had asked when he first came up to her side. His girlfriend silently lost in her own mind, the tears she was trying desperately trying to hold back only increasing the look of fear written all over her face.

"I'm good" she responded before resuming her pacing.

"Okay, why don't you come sit down with the rest of us?" He suggested reaching out for her.

"I'm good Kelly, I just need to keep moving." she snapped, "I'm sorry" she apologised immediately "I don't mean to snap at you, it's just..."

"He's one of your best friends I know. I'll be just over there if you need me" He told her pointing over to the seat next to Casey.

Stella just gave him a short nod and continued to make her way up and down the corridor, occasionally they would hear her exhale a deep breath but other than that she had completely distanced herself from them all. Even when Dawson had tried she'd given them the same line. The firefighter making it very clear to anyone that tried to get her to talk that she just wanted to be left alone.

It wasn't until the chief got up and went to ask one of the doctors if there was an update that she paid any attention to the packed room around her, Stella only realising in that moment how many firefighters were currently present. House fifty one having been joined by every other team and house that had attended the warehouse fire, everyone united as one as they sat and prayed for their brother.

"Any update on Otis?" Boden spoke quietly, the chief aware that everyone's eyes were on him, watching for any form of reaction from their leader. Answers to all their questions when they saw his eyes flutter close at the doctors words, everyone realising the news was anything but good. And in that moment, that moment he turned to address his house her heart broke. The woman wanting nothing more than to flee out of the hospital and scream, the pain in her chest becoming like a crushing weight as she tried to keep breathing, to keep standing.

"No" she gasped, the tears finally breaking free.

And that had been the last thing she had said for days afterwards. Every time Kelly had tried she'd shut him down, she didn't eat and she wasn't sleeping. Her silence now reminded him of those few days and it scared him especially as he knew where that pain had led her before.

So there you have it. We've seen a little insight into how Stella was straight after Otis's death and I'm going to devulge more into that throughout her session, my idea being that we will go back to everything that led up to her and Kelly's conversation and agreement in the first place, but also how she deals with having to face her grief, how Kelly helps her and what issues that may or may not bring up for the two of them.

I'd love to hear what you all think.

We are going away next Saturday so I'm unsure if I will have a chance to update or not. I am aiming to update all three of my stories by Friday but if not, I won't have another update for you until two weeks today. Sorry about that guys, but we won't have access to the net where we are going.

For now I'll leave you with my usually wishes, leave a comment, stay safe and stay kind :)