Sorry, I know it's been a while since I last updated. Hoping to get back into it but I'm struggling a little for ideas. (If you have any, let me know!)
This is actually happened to me when I tried to explain it to my class. Except I refused to dance.
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When someone asks you "how are you?" It's perfectly normal to say "fine" right? Even when you're not, that's just what you say, to anyone, family, friends, therapists. You say fine then unload all the reasons why you're not fine. Except, most people know they're not quite fine. If they're sad, or stressed or mad. They do know, it's just easier to say they're fine. Spencer always says he's 'fine' too, except when he says it, it's because he can't pinpoint any other word to say.
The team notice, how he's so clearly stressed out of his mind, but just keeps working like he's not until he drives himself too far. When he gets mad, he can't seem to walk away, even though he knows he should. He just keeps going until he loses his temper completely. How he'll be miserable for hours but then seem surprised when he breaks down.
One day, after a spate of him clearly being overwhelmed and not doing anything about it until it all got too much yesterday, Morgan decides to ask him about it.
"Hey pretty boy, how come even with your genius brain you never seem to know how take care of yourself?" He asks
"I can take care of myself" Spencer replies simply.
"Oh yeah? How come after a case we all have something to help us deal, but you just carry on like there's nothin' on your mind until you can't take it anymore."
Spencer doesn't even turn around, still concentrating on his paperwork. That's not unusual though. "Probably because I don't know until I can't take it anymore"
Morgan laughs. "How can you not tell? Last week you chewed your lip so much it bled"
"Alexithymia" Spencer answers without looking up.
"Alexi what?" Morgan laughs "what the hell is that?"
"More common in those with autism spectrum disorder, alexithymia is the inability to identify or describe ones own emotions" Spencer recites. Derek turns to his friend in surprise.
"Wait, kid, you mean you don't know how you feel?" Once again Spencer doesn't turn around
"People with alexithymia report not being able to identify specific emotions based on physical sensations" he responds.
"I didn't ask about people, I asked about you" now Spencer turns around.
"I don't know, it's weird. It's like, I can always feel stuff in my muscles and bones, but I can't figure out what it means, I guess."
"So you just have no idea?" He asks doubtfully
"I can get it down to good or bad, mostly. It's hard to make yourself feel better when your brain can't figure out what's wrong" he tries to explain, but it's hard to explain when that's all you've ever known.
After a beat to try and understand what his friend just explained, and although he can't quite get his head around it, because how can he not know his own emotions, as well as other people's, he decides that perhaps, he can help. Or at least have a little fun. A few taps on his keyboard, "well pretty boy" he throws Spencer his ear defenders "pay attention".
"To what?"
"Your muscles, bones, wherever you feel somethin'"
Derek taps the spacebar and pop music starts playing. Derek stands up and starts dancing around.
"What are you...?" Spencer asks
"Confused" Derek shouts over the music, moving toward Spencer and motioning for him to dance with him. By now the music has attracted the attention of the rest of the team, including Hotch and Rossi who have emerged from their offices above the bullpen. Reid ducks his head, thanking the stars there's no other agents around. For now.
"Embarrassed" Derek laughs. Soon enough the girls are joining in, Hotch has stopped trying to glare lasers and is now giving a rare smile while Rossi films the younger agents on his phone. With the encouragement of his team mates Spencer reluctantly stands and sways to the rhythm of the music, soon enough he's laughing along with the rest of them. "And that, pretty boy, is happiness" Derek explains "think that's up here now?" Derek points at Spencer's head.
"I'm not sure that's how it works" Spencer laughs.
"Never mind, guess we'll just have to keep tryin' then"
"I want 3 more files from all of you before the next dance party" Hotch deadpans as the song ends and the team laughs.
"I mean it, back to work, 3 files" and strangely enough, everyone, including Spencer, work that little bit faster. Because ok, it might not help him figure out when he's stressed, but dancing with your friends is good stress relief anyway.