Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Chapter Five
Gwaine couldn't but chuckle a little bit at Elyan wincing from the sunlight, earning him a glare from his friend.
"How is it I feel awful," Elyan complained, "and you seem perfectly fine?"
Gwaine shrugged. "I didn't drink that much."
"You drank twice as much as I did!" Elyan protested incredulously, making Gwaine laugh again.
"But you're a lightweight, and I am not. Besides, I know my limits, and I know better than to exceed them the night before we leave on a quest. Unlike some people."
Elyan scowled and opened his mouth for another retort, but Gwaine missed whatever he said, because right then he saw the horses in the courtyard.
And he saw the person standing with them.
"Look!" He elbowed Elyan, and Elyan grinned as well.
"He's back!"
Merlin's absence for the past week had been strange. For one thing, he left without saying anything, which was unusual in itself. But that could be explained away if it had been an emergency. Even more strange was Arthur's behavior, and Gaius's for that matter. Arthur had snapped at Gwaine whenever Gwaine had asked for more information, like why Merlin had left so abruptly and when he'd be back. Gaius had simply scowled when asked, and informed him that he should speak with Arthur if he wanted more information.
All in all, it had been a tense week, and Gwaine's gut told him that Merlin's absence had something to do with it.
Gwaine hurried over to Merlin, excited to see his friend again, but he stopped short when he saw his face.
It was barely light out, but even so, the bruising on Merlin's face was visible, and Gwaine was sure his clothes were hanging on him more loosely than usual.
"Merlin?" he asked. Merlin's head popped up in surprise. Clearly he hadn't heard him coming. When he saw Gwaine, he smiled, but the smile was stiff, and Gwaine noticed that he didn't quite meet his eyes.
"Morning," Merlin said, but he sounded more polite than cheerful.
"What the hell happened to you?" he asked in shock, and Merlin's smile fell.
"I had a run-in," he said, "but I'm fine. It looks worse than it is. Honest."
"A run in with who? Were you attacked on the road?"
"The road?" Merlin stared at him blankly.
"The road to…" Gwaine trailed off. He had just spotted Arthur headed their way.
And, like it had been all week, his hand was wrapped.
No. It wasn't possible. But somehow, Gwaine knew he was right.
What the hell could have happened to make Arthur actually hit Merlin? The two certainly argued nearly nonstop, but even at its worst, it was only slightly tense. He had never sensed actual anger between the two of them. And Arthur wasn't the type to strike any servant, much less one he was close to.
Whatever had happened, Gwaine was going to find out. Right now.
He had only taken two steps towards Arthur when he felt Merlin's hand close tightly on his arm, and then he found himself being dragged into passage off the courtyard.
Gwaine looked at Merlin in surprise, rubbing his arm once Merlin released him. Apparently Merlin was stronger than he looked, even when he was in rough shape.
"Don't." Merlin's eyes darted frantically toward the courtyard.
"Don't what?" Gwaine tried to sound innocent. He didn't care what Merlin said, he and Arthur were going to have a chat. Soon.
"Don't get involved," Merlin insisted sternly. "This is between me and Arthur."
"It looks like it's between your face and Arthur's fist," Gwaine snapped back. He tried to step around Merlin, but Merlin intercepted him.
"I lied to him, Gwaine. I committed a crime, and I kept it a secret, and I lied to him about it. Honestly, I'm lucky he's not having me executed."
Gwaine hadn't been expecting that. He stared curiously at Merlin, Arthur temporarily forgotten. "That doesn't sound like you. What did you do?"
Merlin sighed. "I can't say any more. I shouldn't have even said that much. But…this is a mess, but it's a mess of my own making. And you getting involved certainly won't help me work things out with Arthur."
"Have you looked in a mirror recently, Merlin?" Gwaine asked, glaring at the bruises. "Someone needs to have a talk with Arthur."
Merlin just glared back. "Gwaine, leave it alone. Do you really think it will help things if Arthur believes his knights' loyalties are divided now? Then he'll just have another reason to be angry with me. Besides, you swore fealty to Arthur, not to me. Your loyalty should be to him."
"And as a loyal knight, I feel it's my duty to tell him when he's being an ass," Gwaine argued, but it was halfhearted. As much as Gwaine wanted Arthur to have a matching set of bruises, he understood that Merlin had a point. His involvement could make things worse.
He sighed in defeat. "Fine. But if he hits you again, all bets are off."
Merlin's eyes narrowed. "We'll cross that bridge if we come to it."
"Yeah," Gwaine muttered as he followed Merlin back out into the courtyard. "I'll cross it with a sword in my hand."
A few minutes later, the party headed out of the castle. Gwaine couldn't help but notice that while Leon and Percival both looked uncomfortable, neither of them had shown surprise when they'd seen Merlin. Elyan kept shooting concerned looks at Merlin and perplexed looks at the other knights until eventually Gwaine dropped back with him.
"I don't know what's going on, but for right now, it's best if we don't get involved," he said as quietly as he could. "At least, not yet," he added darkly. Elyan still looked confused, but he nodded.
As they headed down the road towards the forest, Arthur called back to Merlin, "Merlin, you're up here with me."
Merlin rode to the front, and as he fell in beside the king, Gwaine heard Arthur add, "I don't trust you behind my back."
Merlin had been on many, many outings with the knights. The trips were usually filled with storytelling and jokes, especially with this particular group. These four were Arthur's closest knights, and they had formed a bond over the past few years. But this particular trip was awkwardly silent, and Merlin knew he was the reason. Every time he glanced over his shoulder at the quiet group behind him, he saw Gwaine sulking and Elyan looking confused. And Leon and Percival wouldn't even meet his eyes.
Arthur didn't make it any better, spending most of the day in silence and snapping whenever someone tried to talk to him.
And on top of that, Merlin's ribs throbbed with every step the horse took.
It made the day very, very long.
It was midafternoon when they stumbled upon the first signs that they were headed in the right direction. Elyan spotted it first.
"Does something about that look wrong to you?" he asked, squinting through the trees to their right.
Merlin almost acted automatically. Now is when he would typically send out some magic, just to see if he sensed anything, and maybe use magic to enhance his vision to see into the distance. He remembered just in time, clamping down tightly on the magic before any of it went into action.
He hadn't realized how often he used magic until it was forbidden. It was awful trying to function without it, like he was missing a limb. But he was determined to follow the rules.
The past week had been hell. Not just because of the dungeons, although they were admittedly unpleasant. No, the worst part had been the waiting. The not knowing. There had been no trial, no sentence passed. He'd had no visitors other than Leon and Percival, both of whom had been kind, but distant and clearly uncomfortable.
Just a week of wondering. Wondering how angry Arthur was. Wondering if he would be executed. Wondering if he would be banished. Wondering if maybe he was just going to be left in the dungeons forever. Wondering if he would ever see his mother again. Wondering if he would ever see Gaius again. Wondering if he would ever see Arthur again.
Wondering how long he would have to wonder.
And there was absolutely nothing to distract him. When he thought about negative things, he felt hopeless. When he thought about positive things, he felt even worse. Why think about the things he loved about his life in Camelot? It just forced him to recognize how much he had to lose. How much he might have already lost, and he didn't even know it yet.
When Arthur had summoned him the night before, he truly had no idea what to expect. It was too late in the day for a formal trial in the throne room, so he could rule that out, but what was left? He certainly hadn't expected to be led to Arthur's chambers as opposed to the council room or the throne room. And he definitely hadn't expected a bath and a meal meant for royalty.
Arthur had obviously been far less angry than the last time he'd seen him, but he had been guarded. The bags under his eyes and the tight set of his mouth told Merlin that he hadn't had an easy week either. It was reassuring to at least know Arthur wasn't able to completely dismiss or forget about him, even if he was in the dungeons. Arthur looking terrible gave him some hope.
He had tried to be as honest and transparent as he could be. And he was still trying. Arthur hadn't used the words "second chance," but Merlin knew that's what this was. And he knew that if he screwed it up again, there would not be a third.
And so he did not use magic to investigate when Elyan saw something strange. He reined his magic in, although an annoyed huff escaped him before he could stop it. He saw Arthur glance at him out of the corner of his eye, but the king ignored him.
"You're right," Arthur said, peering in the direction Elyan was looking. "It's too…bright." He jumped down from his horse, and Merlin followed as he made his way through the trees.
Merlin blinked as they stepped into bright sunlight a few yards later, then sucked in a sharp breath as he took in the view before him.
They were at the edge of a clearing, but not a natural clearing. It was filled with the charred remnants of trees and bushes. Ash fluttered in the air above the ground, and some of it had already settled on Arthur, making him look faded and gray.
"I guess we're on the right track," Arthur said tightly.
"Either this beast is much larger than I was expecting, or his fire has one hell of a range," Gwaine said beside Merlin, stepping out into the clearing.
"And it burns hot," Leon added. "I don't think even the Great Dragon burned things so completely. He at least left the skeletons of trees behind."
Merlin eyed the clearing apprehensively. He knew he was only here on this quest – or out of the dungeons at all – because Arthur expected him to be able to defeat the creature using his magic. This was his chance to prove that magic could be used for good. The night before, Gaius had told him everything he knew about the maera, but it didn't amount to much. Merlin could try to use the same spell on the knights' swords that he had used on Lancelot's spear to kill the griffin all those years ago, but he wasn't sure that would work.
In addition to that, Merlin knew he wasn't at the top of his game. He's eaten some the night before at Arthur's insistence, and he'd had a small breakfast that morning at Gaius's, but the fact remained that he'd had very little food, water, or sleep for the past week. He was tired and weak.
"All right," Arthur said, turning back towards the road. "Let's get the horses and try to follow its trail from here.
It didn't take long for Arthur to find tracks at the far edge of the clearing. The creature was large enough that it did quite a bit of damage moving through the forest.
"These are the tracks for it coming into the clearing," Arthur said, puzzled. "But I don't see any tracks for it leaving." They searched a few more minutes, but came up dry. With no other lead to act on, the group followed the tracks to find out where the creature had come from.
Merlin was okay with that. He really hoped they wouldn't find it just yet. He wanted at least one more night of sleep before they faced it.
"So," Arthur asked quietly as they made their way through the forest, "is there a problem?" Merlin looked at him in confusion. "Back on the road, when Elyan pointed out the clearing. You looked irritated."
Merlin swallowed. "No. I was fine."
They rode for a moment in silence.
"Is that a lie?"
Merlin opened his mouth to deny it, but then stopped to think. "I…didn't intend it to be?" he said uncertainly. "I was a bit annoyed, that was all. But I didn't think it was worth mentioning. I wouldn't call it a problem."
"I see. And why were you annoyed?"
Merlin couldn't help scowling a little, although he tried to neutralize it as soon as he realized it. "My instincts in those kinds of situations are to…" he glanced around. The other knights didn't appear to be paying attention, but he wasn't entirely sure they couldn't hear him. "…to help," he finished, giving Arthur a meaningful look. "I had to stop myself from helping. It was frustrating."
Arthur gazed at him curiously. "How could you have helped?"
"You know how," Merlin said.
"No, I mean, specifically, what could you have possibly done?"
Merlin glanced around again and nudged his horse slightly closer to Arthur's. "I might feel or see things you wouldn't," he explained quietly. "I guess it wouldn't have helped all that much this time, since there wasn't an immediate danger and the explanation was pretty clear once we saw the clearing. But sometimes it's helpful." He shrugged. "Mostly it was just annoying not to do it."
Arthur was silent for a minute, and Merlin couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Would it maybe be," he finally said slowly, "like riding into an uneasy situation and realizing I didn't have my sword?"
Merlin smiled in surprise. "Well…yes, actually. I imagine it might be a lot like that."
Arthur nodded. "I understand, then."
The smile stayed with Merlin. Just hearing Arthur say the words 'I understand' about anything having to do with Merlin's magic felt…surreal. And it made him feel hopeful.
But the smile disappeared when the trail they'd been following suddenly came to an end.
Arthur muttered something under his breath, and Merlin heard Gwaine swear behind him as they all stared in shock at the smoldering village before them.