The journey home the next morning was uncomfortable for poor Gabby's butt, the hard bench seat in the truck not providing any cushion for her to sit on, each bump in the road making her hiss and fidget. She'd had been pretty quiet all morning, the silence surrounding them in the small cab making the journey even more uncomfortable. She'd refused breakfast and barely spoken a word, the silence becoming too much Matt asked if she wanted the music on but she'd just shook her head. He noticed that the closer they got to the city the more withdrawn she seemed. Deciding a drop in to the Dr's office may be a good idea, he finally broke the uneasy silence.
"Gabby, do you want to go see Dr Charles?" he asked gently, "I can call him and tell him we'll drop in on the way home?"
Gabby nodded, "Ok then" Matt said, pressing the Dr's number and putting his phone on speaker.
"Hello" Dr Charles said as he answered his phone quickly.
"Hey Dr Charles, it's Matt Casey."
"Matt hows things?"
"Actually not good. We were doing great until yesterday but Gabby seems to have withdrawn into herself the closer we've got to being back in Chicago. We're about an hour out of the city can we drop in on our way past?"
"How about you go home, draw Gabriela a bath and let her relax a little and I'll come to you. It's probably best to speak to her at home ok."
"Yes that's fine" Matt replied, "We can do that can't we Gabby." he said stroking her hand.
Gabby nodded.
"Gabriela?" Dr Charles spoke, "Can you hear me?"
Gabby nodded, "She can doc."
"Go and get comfortable ok, I'll be with you as soon as I can."
"Ok" she managed to whisper as a tear ran down her cheek.
"Thanks Doc" Matt said hanging up.
He looked over at Gabby, tears were softly falling down her checks as she stared out of the window, her breathing becoming heavier the further away from the countryside they got. As they entered the city, her body began to tense, Matt rested his hand reassuringly on her thigh and squeezed gently.
"It's ok baby. Just take deep breaths." Matt said recognizing the signs that she was having a panic attack, knowing if he didn't help her calm her breathing she would soon be struggling to breath. Pulling over he told her to look at him, "Gabby" he spoke softly, "Follow my breathing ok?" she nodded, as she tried to copy Matt's big intake of breath and slow exhale, holding tightly to his hands as her head became fuzzy. "That's it baby, in" he pulled a deep breath in "and out" he released his breath slowly, repeating the action several times until her breathing normalized. "You ok?" he asked eyeing her carefully, his blue eyes filled with concern.
"I'm good" she nodded.
Matt started to drive again, occasionally glancing over at his wife who had resumed her position of staring out the window. Pulling up outside the apartment Matt helped Gabby out of the car, taking her inside and making her comfortable before unloading their bags.
"Come on lets get you a bath" Matt suggested, Gabby nodding at him gently.
"Can you join me" she asked quietly, taking him by surprise.
"Sure baby if you want me too."
Matt lit some candles and placed them around the bathroom, before filling the tub with her favorite lavender bubbles, he set his phone up with the speakers playing his calming playlist that he'd long ago found calmed her easily. Helping her gently out of her clothes he led her to the bathroom, getting in first he held out his hand helping her in. Sinking down into the warm water she rested her head backwards on to his chest, letting his heart beat calm her as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Matt" she whispered five minutes later.
"Yea baby"
"Thank you."
"What for?"
"Being here. Being you."
"You don't need to thank me baby, I'm not going anywhere." He kissed the top of her head reassuringly "Are you feeling a bit better?"
"Yea, I am. I'm not sure why coming home had that effect on me." he felt her body begin to tremble above him, he tighten his grip around her waist pulling her back into his chest more, as the tears started to stream down her face once more.
"Hey, it's ok" he reassured "it's ok to feel over whelmed. It's ok, not to be ok."
"It's just every time I start to feel better I seem to take ten steps back. I'm getting tired of not knowing what I'm going to feel in the next minute."
"I know baby"
He kissed her head again, both of them falling into a comfortable quietness. Matt watching as Gabby's breathing even out and the tension that had been building all drive home finally started to release slightly.
They spent half an hour just laying together in the tub before Matt suggested they got out and grabbed some dinner while waiting for Dr Charles. Gabby said she wanted to call Antonio and let him know they were back safe, and asked if he minded sorting dinner while she spoke to him.
"Sure baby, say hi to Antonio from me." Matt knew that if Gabby was going to talk to anyone else other than him and Dr Charles, Antonio was his best bet.
An hour later Gabby was still curled up on the couch talking with Antonio, she'd been chatting to him about everything they'd been up to while away, describing in detail the lodge and the amazing spa day they'd had. Matt was watching her from the kitchen, a smile resting on his lips as he watched how easy she found speaking to her older brother. He signaled to her that dinner was ready, she nodded.
"Are you free tomorrow Tonio?" she asked "Great do you want to grab lunch? I'm not back on shift until Monday" she smiled "Cool see you then."
They hadn't long sat down to eat when the door went, Matt got up to answer it leaving Gabby eating at the table.
"Hey"
"Hey, where is she?" Dr Charles said as Matt let him in.
"In the kitchen she's just eating, she's calmed down a lot since we got in. She had a panic attack in the car but I managed to calm her down quickly, she's spent the past hour talking to Antonio, they've made plans for tomorrow. But doc I'm worried, all day yesterday she wasn't herself, and then today she's just been withdrawn and nervous. Is this normal?"
"Unfortunately yes it's very common, the past few weeks she's been so focused on the wedding that all her trauma and negative feelings have taken a back seat, while you've been away she's been able to escape from it all but coming home will have hit her full force. All those feelings she's pushed aside they are coming back, she needs to face them head on otherwise all of the work she's done, all the progress she's made could completely be undone."
Matt sighed, "So while I've been seeing glimpses of the old Gabby, your saying we may not see her again."
"No Matt that's not what I'm saying. You will get the old Gabby back, but the road is long and she's not quite there yet. Come on let me speak with her and see where her heads at."
"Ok." Matt nodded, "Gabby, Dr Charles is here."
They moved into the kitchen and Dr Charles sat opposite Gabby, Matt took his dinner into the living room telling Gabby she knew where she was if he needed her, she nodded to him that she was good.
"How you doing today Gabby?" Dr Charles asked gently, "Matt said you've had a rough one."
"It's not been the best" she agreed.
"Want to tell me about it?"
She nodded, "I'm scared" she admitted, "I'm scared about how I've felt the past two days."
"Why is that? Do you know?"
"Because I thought I was finally getting past it all and then I've realized that I don't think I am."
"Ok, let's break it down and start at the beginning."
Gabby started to explain her thought process, how she'd woken yesterday morning with a tight ball of fear in her belly, fear she hadn't felt for a little while now and fear for everything she knew she couldn't control. How it had scared her to suddenly wake up in that mood again after all this time and all the progress she thought she had made. She admitted that it had made her angry, really angry, she said it made her feel like Mr Pratt had all the control over her life again, that she was letting what happened to her control her. She loved Chicago, always had and always will but the fear of coming home, back to where so many bad things had happened in such a short time, was almost fixing her to the spot at the lodge and making her want to stay there in the comfortable safety bubble she'd been living the past week in. Dr Charles explained how she was still making good progress and that the way she felt at the moment was completely natural. He explained how people suffering from the type of stress she was were never truly recovered, it was something they learnt to cope with and move on from but those scars would always be part of the person she was and it was up to her to either let them make her stronger or completely break her. They spoke for a couple of hours, Matt staying in the living area just in case she needed him but knowing that having the doctor there was the right call. She would open up to him in her own time, what was important right now was that she spoke to someone who understood the physiology behind her feelings and how to help her through them.
"Matt can you come here please?" Gabby called from where she stood.
Matt paused the hockey match he was watching and headed towards her. "What's up?" he asked, looking from Gabby to Dr Charles and back again.
"Nothing." she assured him, "We've finished talking and Dr Charles wanted to know if you were doing ok?"
"I'm good. Happy to see you smiling again." he told her, "Honestly doc I'm good."
"Matt this type of trauma can affect those of us that are the closet to it, just remember I may be Gabby's doctor but I am always available to talk if you ever need to. Ok? This is a journey your both on, and you will both have feelings and emotions brought on by it. Speaking to someone early can help."
"Thank doc, but I'm good I promise."
"Ok then, well Gabby I'll see you in clinic next week." Dr Charles stood up holding his hand out to Matt, "she'll be ok," he reassured, "She's made of tough stuff, sometimes too tough."
"Thank doc." Matt said again leading him towards the door and saying his goodbyes.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"There they are" Hermann shouted as Gabby and Matt entered 51 that morning, "the happy couple. How was the lodge?"
"It was great" Gabby said, beaming from ear to ear. "Guys it was the best gift ever, I, we can't thank you enough."
"It really was good guys, we had an amazing time."
Before they could say anymore the alarms went off calling 61 to a 46 year old female in distress, Gabby handed her shift bag to Matt before jumping into the rig and heading out with Shay. She hissed loudly as she sat down, Shay raising an eyebrow at her.
"You ok?" She asked pulling out on to the road and putting the sirens on.
"Yea just a little sore."
"You already got your first martial punishment?" She asked her eyebrows raising even further.
"Yea, and it hurts" Gabby moaned, "word of advice never let anyone whack a bath brush against your ass."
"I'm not crazy like you." Shay teased. "What did you do anyway?"
"It's a long story." Gabby said "one I'll tell you about later."
They pulled up outside the scene but neither of them could see a patient.
"Dispatch are you sure this is the right address?" Gabby asked.
"Oakley park, west side." Dispatch Confirmed.
"Ok dispatch we'll have a look around."
Jumping down out of the rig both Shay and Gabby gave each other a look, this wouldn't be the first time they'd received a prank call.
"I'll go this way, you go that?" Shay asked. Gabby nodded, as they both set off in different directions.
"Over here please! Help!" Gabby saw her first, she was barely holding on to the buggy hanging over the edge of the river with one hand, the other holding the railings preventing them both from slipping.
"Shay" Gabby radioed "I'm down by the river, I've found her."
"On my way"
"Dispatch this is 61 we need immediate backup at our location for a possible water rescue."
"Copy that 61, dispatching squad now."
Shay rounded the corner just as Gabby climbed underneath the railing, and started down the embankment.
"Gabby" she shouted, she wasn't secured to anything and several things could go wrong quickly.
"I'm ok Shay, once I've got the baby you grab the mum ok?" She instructed. Shay nodded, although she knew they should be waiting it was a time sensitive matter and squad were still five minutes out.
"On my count ready."
Shay nodded, gripping tightly to the desperate mother "it's ok mam, look right at me ok. We've got you."
"One, two, three" Gabby shouted, lifting the baby out of the buggy as Shay pulled the mother back up the embankment, the buggy hit the water with a tremendous splash.
Gabby started to crawl her way upwards just as squad pulled in, Severide jumped out immediately noticing that Gabby wasn't visible. "Where is she?" He demanded, Shay pointed down the embankment, turning at just the moment Gabby lost her footing and slid backwards towards the water, holding tightly to the baby with one arm, she reached out and caught a branch, suspending them inches above the water.
"Dawson!" Severide shouted, "you ok?"
"Yea, I'm good. I can't get back up though." The baby was crying loudly, Gabby bobbing him up and down gently, careful not to move too much on the branch supporting them.
"It's ok, we're coming just give us a few minutes ok?"
"Hurry"
Severide turned to his team, "Capp get me a line now, Cruz anchor the truck get ready to do an assist lift."
"Copy that Lieutenant"
It took all of five minutes to have Gabby and the baby safely back on the ground. Handing the little one over to his mother, Shay and Gabby directed them to the back of Ambo to check them over.
"We'll take you to med just as a precaution ok?"
"Thank you" the mother said.
"Good work girls" Severide shouted as he finished wrapping up.
"Thanks. We'll see you back at the house."
They drove off towards med, Gabby in the back with mother and baby.
"I'm Carrie" the mother said.
"Gabby"
"Thank you so much, I was barely hanging on when you arrived."
"How did you call?"
"I have the emergency line set up on my phone for voice activation. I'm diabetic and a single mum, so I can't take the chance of having a episode and no one finding me."
"Well I'm glad you have that. What happened?" It had been bothering her ever since they'd got the baby up, the buggy couldn't have made it down the side itself something must have happened.
"We were out on our run, I'm training for the half marathon next week. These lads came running past and knocked the wheel, I lost my grip on it and before I could catch up the buggy had rolled over to the railing and toppled over the top, I ran so fast to get to him but I feared it was too late." Gentle tears started to roll down Carrie's face.
"Hey" Gabby said placing a gentle hand on her leg, "he's fine, your fine. Only the buggy got hurt and that can be replaced. Accidents happen."
"I know. It's just been one of those years you know."
Gabby smiled "I actually do."
"We're here" Shay called pulling the rig into the parking bays.
"Come on, let's get you checked over."
Gabby and Shay spent a little while filling out paperwork and restocking the ambo before heading back out, on their way Gabby walked into Dr Charles.
"Gabriela, Shay." He greeted "how's it going?"
"Good thanks doc. Just brought in the mother and baby from the park. They're shaken but seem ok." Shay replied.
"And how are you Gabby?" He asked, causing Shay to raise an eyebrow.
"I'm good. Really good."
"Ok, I'll see you later?"
"You will indeed." Gabby smiled "bye Dr Charles."
"What was that all about?" Shay questioned.
"It kinda links into why I'm wincing when I sit" Gabby explained, "come on I'll tell all on the drive back."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Pulling into the house both the paramedics gave each other a worried look. Stood in the doorway was a unhappy looking chief Boden, next to him was an equally angry looking Casey. Severide was stood next to them looking as worried as the girls were feeling.
"Uh oh" Shay spoke first "he looks pissed."
"Yup. I suspect he's read Severides write Up."
"It was the right decision Gabs" Shay reassured "squad would never have got there in time."
"I know, but that's not going to change that we broke protocol. And the fact I put my life in danger again"
Climbing down out of the rig, Gabby smiled softly at Matt who just shook his head, before turning and returning inside. Great Gabby thought he's pissed.
"Dawson. Shay." Chief Boden boomed "my office."
"Yes chief."
They walked past Severide "I tried to tell him you had no choice." He whispered placing a hand on their shoulders. "Good luck."
"Thanks Kelly." Shay said, Gabby just smiled at him.
"Close the door." Chief said turning to face the paramedics.
"Explain?" He asked.
"Chief it was my decision" Gabby said "Shay had nothing to do with it."
"Of that I'm sure." He agreed, nodding his head. "Now what happened?"
"Well at first we thought it was a prank call because we couldn't see anyone, so we split up and I found this mum Carrie clutching the railings with one hand and the other hand holding on to a buggy. The baby was screaming, and the mum was so scared. I could see she wasn't going to hold on much longer, so I called for back up and Shay and headed down. I figured if I could get the baby out we could get them back up onto the sidewalk safely. Squad were five minutes out chief, they'd never have made it before the buggy slipped into the water."
"Shay?" Chief asked "is that your account too?"
"Yes chief. If Dawson hadn't gone down when she did that baby may not have made it."
"Very well." He sat down rubbing his brow "I want your reports on my desk in the next hour, and Dawson?"
"Yes chief."
"Don't break protocol again."
"Yes chief."
"One hour ladies or I'll be having a different conversation you understand?"
"Yes chief"
They left the office sighing a breath of relief. Gabby had been sure she was about to get her butt beat by the chief, She was relived he had seemed to accept their explanation without further consequences at the moment. She knew if the brass found out she'd be hauled in front of them, and as her file was so large with infractions of this nature she was sure she'd get more than a slap on the wrist this time.
Sighing she turned to Shay "Are you good to start the report? I need to go speak to Matt."
"Sure. Good luck."
Gabby smiled nervously, he didn't look happy when they'd arrived back. She knew he hated her putting her life in anymore danger than absolutely necessary, but in her opinion this time it had been necessary. Knocking on his door she noticed him sat at his desk head in his hands.
"Matt?" She said quietly opening the door. "Can I come in?"
He nodded, but made no attempt to move.
"Listen I know I put my life in danger, I know what your going to say..."
"No Gabriela. You don't!" His voice was firm, and full of fear.
"I do Matt, but you've got to believe me it was necessary."
"You could have fallen in Gabby, you could have drowned."
"I know"
"But you still did it."
"I did." She confirmed.
"Why?"
"Because it's my job Matt." Her voice was raising slightly and she knew she was already treading a thin line, she took deep breaths trying to calm herself. "I can swim! That baby can't. His mum she couldn't have held out till squad got there. Someone had to do something."
Matt rubbed his brow, "that someone doesn't have to always be you Gabriela." He scolded, taking deep breaths of his own. "What did the chief say?"
"He wants our reports in the next hour, but he accepted it was the right thing."
"Well you best get on with your reports. We'll continue this later, I need to calm down."
Gabby nodded, she wasn't sure if he was just scared or if he was angry with her but she knew he was right, if they continued this now one or both of them were going to lose their cool. "Ok." She turned to leave but Matt reached out and grabbed her wrist spinning her back towards him.
"I love you." He said pulling her down for a kiss.
"I know." She said kissing him back "I love you too. I'm sorry I scared you."
"You will be." He warned.
Gabby groaned as she left the office. She went to join Shay in the common room to fill in their reports.
"What did he say?" Shay whispered.
"Not a lot, just that I'd be sorry I scared him." She slumped down in the chair next to her partner, before jumping up quickly. "Ouch"
Shay eyed her "is it really that bad?" She asked, she'd witnessed the aftermath to Gabby's punishments in the past but she'd never seen her react like this after just one spanking.
"The brush left some big bruises right on the most tender spots." She confirmed sitting back down gently.
"You best hope he doesn't realized that it's an effective tool then." Shay teased.
"Don't even joke" Gabby warned, "if he get a bath brush I'm done for."
Shay chuckled "come on let's finish these reports before we're both in trouble."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It was a long shift for both ambo and truck that day, none of them being in the house for more than a few minutes together before being called back out.
"I don't know what I'm going to do Sev." Matt said as they walked towards the kitchen. "I know it's her job, and I know that she did the right thing. But it's always her. She always breaks protocol and goes well beyond what she needs to do for her job."
Severide let out a huge laugh.
"What?" Matt said staring at him.
"Your contemplating busting her butt for something you do all the time too."
Matt raised his eyebrows at him, it was true he did go above and beyond to. "I was so mad at her when she got back."
"Oh I could tell." He responded "you could have cut the tension with a knife. And if your face didn't say it all, your walking off as soon as she got back did."
"I know" Matt sighed. "I can't punish her for doing her job, and doing it well."
"No I don't think you can."
"I can let her know how much it scared me though."
"You can." Severide turned to look at his friend and fellow lieutenant, "just don't do it while she's tired and her fuse is short."
Matt smiled at him, while serving up a plate full of dinner. "I'm starving" he started just as the alarms went off again, groaning he put his plate down and ran to truck.
"No rest for the wicked" Severide called heading towards squad.
OOOOOOOOOOOO