The weeks of Gabby's grounding went passed really slowly and by the time the two months were up she had made a promise to never disobey a curfew again. It had been the longest two months of her life, and she was pleased that it was ending this weekend.

"Matt?" She said entering his small office, he looked up from his paperwork when he heard her voice, smiling at her softly.

"Hey" he said pulling her down into his lap and kissing her, "I've not seen you all day you've had a busy one?"

"Yea, it's been a bit crazy." she said settling her head down into his chest.

"You ok?" he asked, feeling her tense body starting to relax against him.

"Yea just some tough calls, a couple of school kids OD on pills, they were the same age as Eva. Just hit me you know?"

"I do. I'm the same when its a kid. What do you need?"

She snuggled closer into him "Just for you to hold me for a few minutes please." she said softly.

He tighten his grip around her and placed a soft kiss to her forehead, the comfortable silence filling the air as she took strength and comfort from him. Their tender moment lasting mere minutes when the bells went off again calling 61 to the local school.

"Gabby" Matt shouted as she ran off towards the rig "I love you"

She smiled back at him over her shoulder "I love you too." she shouted as she disappeared out of sight.

Ambo was out pretty much all afternoon, when the paramedics of 51 finally arrived back at the station they both looked absolutely exhausted.

"If I don't eat something soon, I'm not going to be accountable for my actions." Shay sighed as they climbed back down out of the rig they had spent their day in.

"I know what you mean, I've had about two biscuits all day. I'm starving I hope they saved us some dinner."

They walked towards the common room where the guys of truck were lounging around apparently having a rather quiet shift.

"Please tell me someone saved us some food!" Shay said to no one in particular.

"Of course, we put it in the fridge" Mouch said, smiling at them. "Tough day?"

"You have no idea!" they exclaimed, just as the alarms went off again. Shay groaning loudly as Gabby tossed her an apple and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade for herself.

Matt rounded the corner to the common room just as the girls left "Did they even get to eat?" he asked, concerned at just how busy they'd been today.

"No, Shay had an apple in her hand as she left but Dawson just grabbed some Gatorade" Severide told him.

Pulling out his phone he text Gabby.

Babe you need to eat. Living on Gatorade will do you no good.

Gabby pulled her phone out and read the message as she jumped into ambo, texting him back quickly.

No time, I'll grab something later I promise.

Matt read the message and rolled his eyes. She'd been off her food for a few days now and he really wasn't sure why, but it worried him.

"Everything ok?" Severide said, taking in Matt's worried expression.

"I'm not sure" he admitted, "She's having a rough day but she's not been eating for a couple of days, she is either not hungry, or feels sick every meal time."

"You don't think she'd having issues again do you?" Not many people were aware of Gabby's eating disorder history but Kelly was and had always watched out for any sign of it resurfacing, knowing that the more people looking out for the signs the more likely they were to catch it quickly.

"Maybe" he sighed "I don't know"

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"No it's ok, I'll do it." Matt said rubbing his brow "Hey how's Stella doing?" Stella had been off for two shifts after developing flu symptoms and being really sick.

"She's ok, getting better by the day. She wants to come back next shift."

"That's good. Give her my best won't you?"

"Yea always."

It was several hours before ambo pulled back into the garage, both paramedics making a silent prayer that they'd be able to be in house longer than five minutes before the alarms went off again. Gabby heading straight to the bunk room and flopping down in hers, her eyes closing as her tired body tried to get a few minutes rest. Shay headed straight to the kitchen in hopes of being able to eat something more than an apple, or vending machine food.

"Hey" Matt said when he saw her walking in "Where's Gabby?"

"She went to lie down"

"Has she eaten?"

"She had some chips from the vending machine about two hours ago but that's about it."

"Ok, thanks Shay" Matt said pushing himself up from his seat, grabbing a sandwich out of the fridge and heading towards the bunk room.

When he walked in Gabby was fast asleep, her chest rising and falling as her body relaxed into the mattress. "Gabby" he whispered gently, touching her shoulder. "Gabby, wake up"

"What?" she answered sleepily.

"You need to eat"

"I'm not hungry right now, I just need ten minutes sleep and I'll be good to go."

"Gabriela sit up and eat." he said more firmly.

She groaned as she opened her eyes and saw the sandwich in front of her, "I'm really not hungry Matt, I had some stuff out the vending machines."

"You had some chips, Shay just told me. That isn't food." He pushed the sandwich into her hand. "Eat it please" he said giving her a soft smile.

"Will you let me sleep if I do?"

"Of course, I'll even lie with you if you want?"

She smiled weakly at him "Now that sounds good."

"Right well the quicker you eat that" he said pointing at the still unopened sandwich in her hands "the quicker you can have a cuddle and snooze."

She slowly undid the package and took a tiny bite, she really wasn't very hungry, she just constantly felt sick the past few days. Tired and sick. Taking another bite a sudden thought swept over her, looking up at Matt she desperately tried to work out when her last period had been.

"Matt?" she said quietly.

"Yea?" he responded noticing the look on her face "What is it?"

"Erm I think I'm late."

"What?"

"I'm late, I can't remember when my last period was."

Matt's face twisted into a confused and shocked look, "But how? Your on the pill?"

"It's only 98% effective."

"Well we should do a test."

"Not here" she shook her head, "we can do it when we get home in the morning. But it would explain a lot, I'm constantly feeling sick at the moment, and I know you thought it was something else, and to be honest so did I." Matt was still staring at her his face not showing much to what he was thinking or feeling. "What if the reason is because I'm pregnant?"

"Gabby if you are then that's amazing, planned or not we've always said we wanted to start a family one day."

"Ok well we'll have to swing by the drug store in the morning to get a test." She took another bite of her sandwich, as silence fell between them. Matt's head running at a million miles a hour with how wonderful it would be, but how much it would change their lives. He'd always wanted to be and father and Gabby would make an absolutely fabulous mother, she was amazing with their nieces and nephew. Finishing the sandwich and placing the container on the side she snuggled into Matt to try and get some sleep. Matt satisfied that she'd finally eaten something, kissing her head gently as her eyes fell closed once more and sleep took over.

Luckily over night was a lot less eventful than the day had been, ambo not being called out at all, in fact the only company called out was squad to assist another unit. Matt must have dosed off on the cot with his wife as the next thing he was aware of was the chief whispering his name.

"Hey" Boden said as Casey opened his eyes, "She ok?"

"Yea just been a tough day you know?"

"Yea ambo has had a fair few rough ones today. I've just heard from med, one of the teenagers they took in earlier she didn't make it. She was thirteen."

Matt's face fell he knew it would come as another rough blow to the paramedics when they found out. "Can I be the one to tell her?" he asked, concerned that the last thing Gabby needed right now was bad news.

"Yea just make sure she knows she did everything right, this was on the girl and drug dealer nothing anyone did was going to save her she was too far gone."

"Thanks chief" Matt looked around at his sleeping wife curled up next to him, "Erm am I ok to bunk here?"

Boden smiled, "As you were Casey," although he knew he shouldn't allow them to share the bunk, and if the brass found out they'd all be in trouble he also knew that Dawson was very sensitive and sometimes required that extra attention, and if that meant allowing her husband to bunk with her then so be it.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Matt climbed back into the truck handing a paper bag over to his wife. Gabby looked inside laughing, "seriously Matt how many did you buy?"

"Well I wasn't sure which one was the best."

"Fair enough"

"So erm," Matt started looking cautiously at his wife "I should have told you this when you woke this morning but chief came to speak to me last night."

Gabby looked at Matt sensing this wasn't going to be good news. "What?"

"You were sleeping and I must have dosed off because he asked if you were ok before telling me that one of the teenagers you took to med yesterday, she didn't make it. I'm sorry Gabby."

A tear ran down her cheek as she thought about the heartbreak her family must be going through, not saying a word she nodded her head and looked out the window.

"Gabby?" Matt spoke softly, resting his hand on hers. "You did everything you could."

"Did I?" She snapped "she was thirteen Matt, the same age as Eva! She had her entire life in front of her. I should have done more."

"Gabby listen to me, you did everything. If anyone is to blame it's the arsehole who sold drugs to two teenage girls."

Gabby shook her head, she didn't believe him. It was her job to help people, and someone had died on her watch. She was tired and emotional but she knew she could have done more, she should have done more. Matt sighed deeply as he watched her recoil into a ball on the seat, her knees close to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. He knew she struggled to compartmentalize certain calls, the only thing he could do right now be there for her while she processed it all. He squeezed her hand before putting the truck into drive and pulling out of the parking lot.

Gabby was quiet the entire drive home, staring out the window lost in her own thoughts. Matt glancing sideways at her as he drove the short distance home. Pulling up outside there apartment he asked her again if she was ok? She nodded, pushing the door open and climbing out. Matt sat gathering his thoughts for a short while before he pulled his phone out and texted Shay.

Hey, just checking in to make sure your doing ok? Gabby's struggling to process last shift. M

Sighing deeply to himself he followed her into the apartment, "Gabby" he said walking through the open door, he walked towards the bedroom, the only sign of her being her work shirt laying on top of the laundry basket, heading towards the bathroom he began to wonder if she'd gone straight to do the test but was meet with an empty room once more. "Gabby?" he called again, walking back out and towards the kitchen, still he was meet with silence, his body tensing as he realized she may not be here, but he was sure she hadn't passed him in the hall, and he didn't see her leave the building. Heading out to the balcony his fear became true as he realized she had indeed left, she must have used the back entrance to the building. Pulling out his phone he pressed her name and brought the phone to his ear as it began to ring, she still had her phone as she'd been on shift and he just hoped she'd taken it with her.

"Damn" he said when she didn't answer, he tried again, still nothing. After five attempts he decided to call in the others, ringing Severide first.

"Hey" Matt said the concern in his voice bellowing out.

"Hey Whats up?" Kelly replied.

"Gabby's gone!" Matt breathed out with a shaky breath, fear cursing through him as the words left his mouth.

"What?"

"I told her about the teenager on the way home and she didn't take it well, then when we got home I thought she'd come inside, and she must have because her work stuffs here but she isn't. I've called her and I'm not getting any answer. I don't know what to do."

"We're on our way" Severide said, "Give us five minutes, and Matt?"

"Yea"

"Call Antonio"

"On it."

Hanging up the phone he rubbed his hand across his temple, the pressure behind his eyes building as his worry grew.

"Antonio" He said when the older Dawson answered his phone.

"What's up Matt?"

"Gabby's gone, she's missing."

"What?"

Matt explained everything that had happened last shift, and how she'd not taken it very well. Antonio saying he was on his way and to keep trying to call her and he'd get Mouse to try and ping her phone.

Hanging up to Antonio, Matt text his wife.

Gabby, I know you've had a rough 24 hours. I'm not mad at you or disappearing, I'm worried. Please text me, or answer my calls. I love you Mrs Casey, please come home.

Within ten minutes the apartment was full of people, Antonio had brought Lindsay and Jay with him, Matt was shocked to see Stella with Severide and Shay when they arrived. Severide telling Matt that he'd phoned Hermann on the way over and he was going to check Molly's.

"Thanks for coming guys, I've been calling but she isn't answering. I'm really worried."

Antonio hugged his brother in law tightly "We'll find her ok?"

Matt nodded, a weak smile forming on his face.

"Right first of all" Antonio spoke to the group quickly taking charge. "Matt, is anything missing?"

"Erm I don't think so, she's changed out of her shift clothes but I couldn't even tell you what she was wearing."

"Shay?" Antonio said "Can you check the closet for me" She nodded "See if her running shoes are there, I know Gabby likes to run when she's feeling stressed so she may have just gone for a run."

"Why wouldn't she say something though?" Severide cut in as Shay headed towards the bedroom, "She never usually disappears without a word."

Matt eyeing Antonio with a knowing glaze, well aware that this wasn't the first time Gabby had run from her problems. The young blonde considering whether he should reveal what had been going on in their personal lives to the group or to pull Antonio to the side, fully aware that the older Dawson needed the facts to be able to paint a picture of his sisters mental health.

"Her running stuffs gone." Shay confirmed emerging from the bedroom.

"Erm, Tonio?" Matt spoke nervously, "There's some stuff you need to know."

"Go on?"

"Erm in private?"

"Sure, Kelly can you go with Jay and search the park, you know her route don't you?"

"I do" he confirmed, "We'll find her Matt" he said reassuringly as they two men left the apartment.

"Kidd, Shay, Lindsay can you go check her favorite diners please?"

"She won't be there" Matt said.

Antonio looked across to him confusion setting in on his face, "why not?"

"She's been avoiding food, the last place she'll go is a diner."

Antonio sighed loudly, realizing why his brother in law wanted to speak to him privately, obviously things were going on that he had no idea about, and things that Gabby wouldn't want everyone knowing. "Ok well, check anyway just in case."

"Ok" the women said as they left the building, leaving Antonio and Matt stood staring at each other, the tension around them building as Matt tried to form the words to explain everything that had happened recently.

"Well?" Antonio finally asked after several minutes of silence "What's going on?"

"I don't know where to start" Matt admitted.

"The beginning?" Antonio offered heading towards the couches and sitting down, Matt following after him sitting down in the chair opposite.

"Well two months ago Gabby went out with the girls, it was just after the smoking incident. She came home two hours after curfew and I was extremely hard on her, harder than I've ever been." His face grimacing at the painful memories that pushed to the forefront of his brain. "Two weeks after that she told me she couldn't deal with me being angry at her any more and we both kinda crumbled around each other." Matt went in to details about how he'd been spanking her daily, the drug incident, how he'd held onto his anger and how they'd redone all the rules and consequences. How Gabby had told him all about why she felt she needed this type of relationship, everything, even the most painful details he revealed to the older Dawson. The other man sat listening intently, his face flinching at some of the details.

"When was the last time?" he asked as Matt came to an end of explaining the painful few days they'd spent trying to fix what he'd almost broken.

"A few days later, she got three spankings, one at work, then the new maintenance and then she broke the rules at a dinner I'd agreed she could host for Stella's birthday. She hasn't given me any cause since, in fact she's been like a model citizen at home and work."

Antonio's face twisted from confusion to realization.

"What?" Matt asked noticing the change, "What is it?"

"If I know Gabby, and I do know her pretty well. I'd say the reason she has been behaving so well is because somethings been playing on her mind. "

Matt's face fell "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, my sister has been hiding something. Something she knows if she miss behaves you'll spot or she'll let slip." Confusion fell over Matt's face, "Matt tell me this, has she been wearing long sleeves lots? Or sweats instead of shorts?"

"Erm yea, now you mention it, she's almost always in one of my hoodies or her sweats, she's even been wearing her long sleeved paramedic shirt on shift. Why?"

"Matt I think Gabby's been self harming again."

"What? Why? How?" Matt exclaimed in shock and confusion, tears prickling at the sides of his eyes.

"I think she probably did it after the night out when you were still angry with her and she has fallen into a habit, a habit I thought she'd long grown out of."

Matt's head flopped downwards the tears free flowing down his face as he thought about how Gabby had been quiet these past few days. "I think I know when this started" he said, "So she's been grounded the past two months not leaving her much chance to get herself in trouble but last week we had a rough call, it was a suicide. This young lad was up on top of a multistory, he kept going on and on about how his wife had lost a baby and left him and he had nothing left now, Gabby was the paramedic on the roof with him, trying to get him down. He jumped Antonio, she did everything right, she said all the right things and he still jumped."

"Yea something like that would trigger it, especially after the way Jones went."

"I know, I should have seen this. Why am I so blind when it comes to these things?"

"Matt you love her and you trust her, so when she says she's ok you believe her." he placed his hand on top of his brother in laws shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "I've missed this too, I've spoken to her everyday the past few weeks and I didn't spot this either."

"How?" Matt asked confused her phone was locked away when they were at home as per her grounding conditions.

Antonio smirked slightly, "Erm, promise she won't be in trouble?"

Matt looked up at the guilty look resting on the other mans face, "Go on?" he encouraged.

"I gave her a burner"

"Did you now?" Matt questioned his eyebrows raising.

"Yea, sorry Matt I know she isn't supposed to have a phone when grounded, but I miss speaking to her and she gets lonely when your out on the construction gigs. So I gave her one after the Eva incident, so she could always call me if she needed."

"Ok, fair enough."

"So she won't be in trouble?"

"No Antonio, she won't. Although I don't like that she lied to me, and that you did too."

"Yea that's fair." Antonio smiled weakly, "So we know she isn't in a good place, and that this probably isn't just the result of one bad call. Anything else I need to know?"

"Erm" the idea of saying this before Gabby was ready sent nervous tingles down his spine. "She thinks she might be pregnant."

"What!?" Antonio's voice spoke loudly making Matt jump slightly, "When did you find this out?"

"Last night." He replied puffing out a breath of frustrated air, "she's been off food for a few days and I thought that maybe she was having a slip so I've been watching her closely but then last night she told me she was late. We stopped and brought tests this morning on the way home, why would she just run off?"

"I don't know" Antonio admitted, "but Matt, Gabby has always done this when things have got to much. She has a tendency to run from her problems instead of facing them head on. That's why your so good for her, that's why you work because you make her communicate."

"What now?" Matt asked, "What do we do? Shouldn't we be out there with the rest of them?"

"Right now Matt I need you to stay here, she may come back by herself and if she walks in and the apartment is empty she's going to panic."

"So I've got to sit here and do nothing?" He asked.

"No, you keep trying to call her" Antonio said, "I'm going to head back to the district and see if Mouse has had any luck tracking her cell. I'll be on the phone Matt ok? We will find her."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gabby sat by the waters edge watching the waves crash against the steps. The area full of families enjoying the late mornings sunshine, a group of teenagers were sat not far from her laughing and joking, playing music loudly on their phones while skateboarding up and down the walkway. Her mind raced watching them, filling with thoughts of the young girl whose life she'd been unable to save. Ever since Matt had told her outside the drug store she'd felt a heavy weight in her chest, making it difficult for her to breath. Her phone buzzed in her pocket as yet another caller tried to get through, she pulled it out to see who it was this time. Shay's name popped up, and Gabby sighed she knew Matt had probably called her, even if it had been just to see if had heard from her, but she knew the butterfly effect it would have had, Shay telling Kelly, Kelly telling Stella and so on and on. But she didn't want to speak to any of them at the moment, they'd only tell her that it wasn't her fault, that there was nothing she could have done. But she knew, she knew she could have done more, what she was trying to figure out right now was what she could have done. Putting her phone back in her pocket she allowed the tears to flow down her face. Twice she'd lost a patient she should have been able to save, the young lad that had jumped a few weeks ago, that was on her too. She should have done something, she should have said something different, she should have grabbed him when she had the chance.
What if she was pregnant? What type of a mother would she be? She couldn't even save a patient how was she going to protect an innocent life? No she couldn't do this, she couldn't have a baby. Matt would realize how crap she was at being a mum and would leave her, taking the child with him for that she was certain. Getting up she began to run again, she had no idea where she was going just that she needed to feel the air in her face, and the rush of adrenaline as she pushed herself to go faster and faster. Until finally she couldn't run anymore, collapsing against the grass, bringing her knees up to her chest and crying, crying so hard her body shook. Rolling her sleeve up she picked furiously at the scabs covering the deep cuts she'd caused not long ago, the bleeding causing a rush of release to the tension building inside her. Digging her nails into her arm so hard, she left deep purple bruises on her skin, the pain making her eyes roll. Exhaustion taking over her body as she curled herself into a ball against the tree trunk. Pulling out her phone she sent a simple text.

I'm sorry

Pressing send she hoped with all her might that he didn't try and call her, she wasn't sure she could speak to him at the moment. But she knew he needed to know she was ok.

Gabby! Thank God. Where are you? Are you ok? Baby let me come get you.

No Matt! Don't come looking for me.

If he responded she didn't know as her phone battery died just as she sent the message back. She rested her head back down on her arm and let her eyes close drifting off into a light sleep, the warm air around her. How long she lay there she wasn't sure, she knew it had turned cooler by the time she dared open her eyes again, noticing the sun low in the sky she decided it must be late afternoon, if not early evening, pulling her hoodie around her tightly she sat up her eyes falling on a group of lads playing soccer. She watched them wondering if they ever felt like this, if they ever felt like a complete failure in everything they did. Sirens pulled her from her thoughts, the paramedic in her coming through as she pulled herself to her feet looking around to see where they were coming from.

"Gabby" Someone shouted from a distance. She spun round to see Matt standing across the way from her followed by Antonio and his team. "Gabby" he shouted running towards her and pulling her into his arms. "Are you ok? Oh my god you've had me so worried, we've been looking for you all day." He kissed her head, pulling back to check over her, "Why did you switch your phone off?"

"I didn't" she whispered against him, "It died" tears streamed down her cheeks as she allowed him to pull her tighter into his chest, his heart beat pounding against his chest, telling her just how worried he'd been. "I'm sorry" she whimpered.

"Hey I'm just glad your ok." He said pulling back to look at her again, "You sure your ok?"

"I'm fine"

"Why did you run off?"

"I..." she looked around at everyone staring at them "I just needed some air."

Matt continued to keep hold of her tightly as she turned to look at her big brother, "why are you here?" she asked.

"Matt called when you wouldn't answer your phone. He told me everything Gabby." She knew what he was thinking by the worried and sad glaze that covered his stare, "I think we need to talk don't you?" he asked gently, the younger Dawson nodding her head gently.

"Come on let's go home and we can all talk." Matt said, looking over at Antonio for confirmation that, that was ok.

"Voight?" he said turning to face the Sergeant "Am I ok to take the rest of the day?"

"Of course. I'm just glad we've found her safe and well." Gabby looked towards the members of the intelligence department all of their faces holding the same looks of worries and sadness that had been shining in Matt and Antonio's eyes the entire time they stood there. Flashing them a small smile she walked toward Antonio's car her fingers laced through her husbands as she walked.

The ride back to the apartment was a quiet one, Matt sitting in the back with Gabby who had curled herself into him. Antonio glancing in the mirror occasionally checking to make sure his sister was doing alright. Gabby headed straight to the bedroom when they got in wanting to change out of the clothes she'd been running around the city in. Matt made them all a coffee while she changed, Antonio's face hard as he watched him work his way around the kitchen. It wasn't that the older Dawson blamed Matt, far from it but he couldn't help worry about what he'd said earlier about taking things too far after she broke curfew. He got it, he really did. His dad had been pretty darn hard on them growing up, Gabby more so as she had a tendency to get herself in deep trouble, and he'd probably have come down just as hard about the drugs if it were him. But it felt like part of his sister had broken, and none of them had noticed.

Gabby appeared at Matt's side wearing his CFD lieutenant hoodie and a pair of loose yoga pants, her hair tied up in a messy bun, Antonio watched her carefully as she wrapped her arms around the man she loved. "Hey" she spoke softly.

"Hey" he said spinning round to embrace her, planting a soft kiss to the side of her head. "You ready to talk to us?"

"Yea." she nodded, heading towards the couches.

Matt settling in next to her and Antonio sitting across from them.

"I just needed to get out of here and be alone in my thoughts, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. I just wanted to be alone for a little bit."

"And that's ok Gabby, but you really should tell someone next time. You had us all worried." Antonio said roughly, Gabby flinching at the disappointment coming across in his tone.

"I'm sorry."

Matt tighten his grip around her shoulders "It's ok baby. Just tell us how your feeling, please."

"When you told me this morning that, that girl had died I started to spin. I should have been able to save her, she was thirteen. And I know what your going to say but please I'm trained to save these people and she died on my watch." She took in a deep breath the air thickening around them, "So I started to doubt my ability as a paramedic similarly to how I did when you got shot." She said looking at Antonio. "I've lost two patients in as many weeks, two patients I should have been able to save. When we got home, I saw my opportunity to run from it all, and I just went, I don't think I was even thinking. I just ran, and kept running until I couldn't run anymore. I sat by the water for ages, just watching people and letting the crashes of the waves calm me, but I kept seeing families walking past and mother's with their babies. And as I sat there this crippling fear took over me that maybe I wouldn't be a good mum, and if I am pregnant that it's only going to make you realize how much of a fuck up I am. It won't be long before you leave me, and take our child with you. I just can't keep my nose clean, I go all Gabby Dawson and mess everything up." She looked up at her husband, his eyes filling with tears as she spoke.

"Gabby, I will never ever do that. You will be an amazing mother. If your pregnant it will be amazing, because you are amazing. I wish you'd see that."

"What happened next Gabs?" Antonio pushed, "When we found you, you were in the park the opposite side of the city how did you get there?"

"I ran, I needed to get away from the thoughts filling my head so I ran and I didn't stop until my body physically gave in."

"Oh Gabby" Matt whispered, his head resting against hers, his hand stroking soothing circles on her back.

"How did you find me?" She asked, suddenly aware that if she was the opposite side of town it hadn't been by chance.

"Mouse" Antonio said, "he managed to ping your last location before your phone died, after you'd text Matt we had something to go on."

"I'm glad you did" she whispered sadly, "I... erm I" she rolled her sleeve up showing them the marks on her arms, "I was very close to finding something to cause myself pain again."

Matt's face flashed a look of sadness and anger when he saw the marks running up and down both arms, the fresh nail marks in the back of her hands causing his body to tense tightly next to her. Blowing out a long breath he turned her body so she was looking directly at him "Gabriela this" he pointed to her arms, "this can not keep happening." he said firmly. "Do you understand? This is not an option! You have to stop hurting yourself!"

"I know." she sighed "please don't make me go back to the doctor, I can't take anymore talking about my feelings. I'll stop cutting I promise."

"Gabs you know it isn't that simple" Antonio said reaching across and holding his sisters hand. "It's not just something you consciously decide to do or not. It's an impulse and it has a reason behind it. Matt told me about the bump you had." Her eyes darted to the ground, "He told me about the drugs Gabby. Did you cut yourself after that?"

"Yes"

Matt's face folded the tears he'd been fighting running down his cheeks as he came to a conclusion of events.

"Did you... did you do this because of me?" he asked his voice shaky.

"No!" she said firmly "I did it because I was mad at myself, and you'd spanked me and I didn't forgive myself. I know I didn't tell you this before" she said noticing the face he pulled, "but part of the reason it broke me being punished over and over wasn't just because it meant you hadn't fully forgiven me but because I hadn't forgiven myself either. And you always forgive me, it doesn't matter how much I fucked up you always, always forgive me. Even when I can't forgive myself."

"Gabby you have to tell me these things." Matt said firmly rubbing his hand across his brow. "You have to communicate, you promised you'd stop keeping things from me."

"I know, I'm sorry." She pulled a book from behind her cushion, "I have been writing it down though. Some habits die hard, and this was a good idea of yours." She said handing it to him. Matt opened it up and saw the painful thoughts that had been filling his wife's head littering the pages where she'd seemingly argued with herself the past few weeks.

Pulling her into him again, "I'm sorry" he whispered, "I'm so sorry I didn't see you were hurting. I'm sorry I didn't see these" her grabbed her arm running his fingers gently across the rough cuts. "I'm so sorry Gabby."

"It's not your fault" she said resting her head on his chest. "I should have told you."

"You should have yes." he said more firmly, silence filling the room, all three of them lost in their thoughts. "Gabby?"

"Yea"

"Antonio told me about the burner."

"Oh" she said looking at her brother in shock that he'd reveal her secret.

"Don't worry I'm not mad. But why didn't you tell me how you were feeling about being grounded when I wasn't here."

"I knew I deserved to be grounded still and part of the point of grounding is isolation. I'm not supposed to like it."

"No your not, but it's not meant to cause you to be mentally traumatized either." Matt countered, if he had realized how much it had affected her he would never have let it continue.

"I'm ok" she reassured, "just some days I found it difficult because you were out on the site, it was lonely and long being stuck here with no one to talk to. Antonio noticed after I helped him with Eva and he got me a burner so I could contact him if I needed to."

"Ok, well from now on if your grounded and I've got to go to work I'm giving you your phone or getting someone to come stay with you ok?"

"Ok" she agreed, smiling weakly at him.

"Now I think we have something we need to do?"

"Your not," she said nervously "Your not going to spank me are you?" Fear shining in her eyes as she looked up into his, seeing only pain and sadness shining back from him.

"No Gabby, I won't be punishing you today." he smiled, "I meant the test."

She nodded "Oh yea"

"Do you want to do it now or wait till we're alone?"

"I can do it now, I'd tell Antonio straight away anyway." she said.

"Ok then, lets go." he stood up turning to Antonio, "Can you do me a favor and order some food while we do this?"

"Sure" he said smiling at the couple, he was amazed how well they could talk through things. He had never been able to do that in his marriage it was part of the reason it had fallen apart. Laura and he had been terrible at communicating, his temper would flare and her stubbornness would mean she wouldn't speak to him for days if she was mad. There was no talking through their problems and coming to a solution, he envied his sister marriage.

When Gabby and Matt emerged fifteen minutes later Antonio had not only ordered dinner but he'd cracked a couple of beers saying he hoped they didn't mind him helping himself, as he tried to read their expressions. "So?" he asked after several minutes of silence.

"Your going to be an uncle" Gabby chimed happily, holding up the test.

"Oh my, guys that's great news congratulations" he said pulling his sister into a tight hug. "This is amazing news. How do you feel?" He asked aware that she had been almost of the rails doubting herself earlier.

"Surprisingly the minute I saw it said positive all my worries fell away." she said smiling back at him, "I'm going to be a mummy."

"And a fabulous one your going to make" Matt said, standing proudly by her side.