Pairing: None

Rating: K+, only for my joke secondary title.

Setting: Unova/Best Wishes

Hair Color

Or the carpet matches the drapes because those drapes are natural, hunty.

"Iris, what are you doing?"

Cilan watched as Iris lay on her back on a creek bed, her hair the only thing in the water. She was currently inching further into the water, trying to get all the way up to the roots wet apparently without dousing the rest of herself. However, face up, it was easy to look up at the tall man with wide eyes as though she was surprised to see him there.

"Oh, Cilan. I thought you were cooking lunch?"

"I was, but someone never showed up with the water."

"Sorry about that," Iris said as she reached her hands into the water to get the rest of her hairline damp. "I did get the water, but I just wanted to do this first before leaving the creek."

Cilan did see that there was a full bucket of water next to her, and that was also when he noticed a number of other items. He picked up what looked like a paintbrush and held it over Iris's face so that she could see it. "What is all of this, Iris?"

"That's a color brush," Iris said as she started raising her body out of the creek. Cilan's thin brows raised at the casual show of abdominal strength she showed as she did so. Iris had a ton of hair; it had to weigh twenty pounds when sopping wet like that. And here she was doing a sit-up in perfect form, spine and neck perfectly straight, as she tried to keep her drenched hair from slapping her back.

"What's a color brush?"

Iris snatched the tool back from him and put it with everything else as she replied, "It helps you keep your hair dye evenly distributed."

"Hair dye‽" Cilan exclaimed. "What do you need hair dye for?"

"To keep my hair purple, dummy," Iris explained as she wrung the excess water from her hair. "My hair is almost black naturally. What's yours? True blond or is it more of a dirty blond? You can't be brunette with eyebrows like those."

Cilan's hand flew to his right eyebrow rubbing the fine hairs a little bit. "My hair's…green," he said, mystified as to how they'd gotten here.

Cilan, Iris, and Ash had been traveling together for months now and never had Cilan seen Iris with any of the tools she now had splayed out on the bank. None of them seemed remotely like something Iris would even think about carrying. She was more a 'if it can't fit in my pockets I'm not taking it' kind of girl than…this.

"Psh, yeah, right," Iris replied as she reached for a brush with a thin handle and began running its point through her hair. "Humans can totally have green hair. You've spent enough time with your Pansage that you've evolved to share the trait. All totally possible."

The sarcasm dripping from Iris's voice didn't go unnoticed by Cilan. Though he still had no idea where it was coming from. "Yes," he replied. "My hair's green, Chili's is red, and Cress's is blue. What's your point?"

"Eh, Chili's could be natural, I guess. It's a little too primary red to be believable, but I guess he could get away with a chalk or a tint and upkeep would be pretty easy. But you and Cress? Uh-uh. You're talking crazy, my friend."

"I'm talking…" Cilan shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was more absurdity than he was prepared to take. "You know what? Thank you for collecting the water, Iris. I'm going to add it to the stew before my vegetables burn."

"Good move," Iris said. "I hope you left Pansage watching it and not Ash. He's such a little kid it's probably already burned."

"Thanks, Iris!" Cilan called again as he hurried back to camp.

It turned out that the vegetables were not burned, thankfully, though they would probably prove to be overcooked by the time the stew was cooked down. He'd have to be careful not to add too much water and lengthen the process.

An hour passed. Maybe more. The stew was done and sitting comfortably in the bellies of Cilan, Ash, and their Pokémon with one serving left in the pot for Iris. Originally, Cilan had asked Ash's Tepig to keep the fire going on low to keep Iris's portion warm, but after the sides of the pot began to scorch, Cilan decided he didn't want to clean up that mess and Iris could eat it cold if she wanted to.

"Cilan," Ash whined. "I've got to earn my next badge. Can't we get back on the road?"

Cilan shook his head, trying to hide his own irritation. "I told you, I have no idea what Iris was up to, but I don't think our rushing her would be of any help. Although, I am beginning to get worried…"

"Here I am!"

Just then, Iris appeared in front of them wearing an old, raggy t-shirt with stains all over it and a pair of black leggings. Cilan swore that hadn't been what she'd been wearing back when he'd first seen her, nor had those clothes been anywhere to be seen. Nevertheless, that wasn't what his eyes were focused on.

Her hair was soaked, reaching now to the ground without any ponytails or volume to hold it up. It was straight and had soaked through much of her shirt, leaving it with watercolor rings of purple. And, as promised, it was a vibrant purple from top to bottom. But then…hadn't it always been?

"Hey, Iris!" Ash said, perking up at seeing her. Evidently his frustration from a moment ago had vanished. "Washed your hair?"

"And then some," Iris answered vaguely as she was drawn to the now very cold stew Cilan had made. "Mm, looks good, Cilan!"

"Yeah…it was," he said, trying to temper all lingering irritation out of his own voice.

The boys watched her dig into the pot with a spoon—a bowl wasn't necessary, since the last serving was just for her, but Cilan still would have preferred it. There was nothing much to do now but wait until she was done before picking up and heading to the next town.

"So…Iris?" Ash began, still eyeing her sopping wet hair. "How are you gonna put your hair up again?"

Moral: There are certain cartoon threads you don't want to pull on, even if you're trying to incorporate realism into your story. By all means, let characters get injured by fire attacks and let the seasons change if you want. But I've seen too many stories with May asking Drew how he has green hair or something and it doesn't really work. You'll never be able to explain away Iris having purple hair or Ursula having red eyes via logic or Punnett squares. You'll probably never explain why Cilan and his brothers or Misty and her sisters all have such drastically different hair colors. It will just cause you problems to bring it up. So don't. Unless…

Exception: In my story Zenith (which you should check out! Just finished a couple weeks ago!) I specify that Aliana, Bryony, Celosia, and Mable (the female Team Flare scientists) all dye their hair and wear contacts. But I gave the reasoning that they're quadruplets and wanted to stand out. If you have a good reason and can defend it within the laws of the anime world, go ahead. Otherwise, return to the moral.