Louds In The Cradle: Chapter 5
Author's Note: I should have mentioned this a lot earlier but this work is set three weeks after the fourth-season close-out. This is why Lynn Sr is referencing things yet to be shown from his own perspective. I'm also adding in elements from the graphic novel "The Ultimate Hang-Out" so as to reinforce the idea that most of why Lynn doesn't see that Lincoln has a lot in common with him is due to the narcissism of minor difference.
We now find ourselves in the living room of 1216 Franklin Avenue watching a man in his middle forties shake his head in mild disgust and mutter "C'mon, Champ. Stand your ground for once" as he beholds most of his daughters look at his son with varying degrees of irritation. He then turns to the two children accompanying him and says "C'mon, girls. You're just in time for a round of 'Lincoln Is The Biggest Idiot Because Reasons.'"
Ronnie Anne rolled her eyes and said "Sir, Sid and I are way too familiar with that one. They spent the last two weeks playing it because things didn't go like they planned."
The bespectacled four year old in the green shirt and pinkish-brown slacks grimaced and said "Paternal unit….what you mean by that gratuitous display of derision and dismissal of legitimate concerns as to the stability and good-will of our male sibling."
"Well, Lisa, I don't know if you don't realize you do it or if you don't admit to doing it but you tend to gang up on your brother. Worse, you don't realize the power your words have on him. Lemme show you an example of what I mean."
He then walked over to a large cabinet that was one of the first things most visitors to the house saw when entering. Said cabinet had a series of small trophies accumulated over the years by most of the siblings. He reached into the slot labeled 'Lincoln' and grabbed onto one of the few gewgaws occupying said niche.
Lynn Sr held it up and said "Here we go right here: 'Most Improved Brother.' As I recall, it showed up after he'd taken down blackmail videos someone else took of you and posted on Eyetube and replaced them with blackmail fodder of himself taken by the same charming young lady."
"Now, from what little you wanted to say at the time, he was frater non grata (that's 'brother not welcome' in Latin) because he'd publicly embarrassed you. Well, most of you. Me, I think that the delightful little scamp in canary yellow was mostly angry because he didn't ask her for permission to use her footage and also, embarrassing you on a mass scale is her fricking job."
At this point, it should be noted that Luan stopped staring daggers at Lincoln and switched over to glaring angrily at her father. She then said "Oh, lovely. What did you and Mom do? Rehearse that little speech? I got the same thing from her on the drive home."
"Later, girlie. We're getting side-tracked here. What you didn't realize or care to is that he'd started to think of it as a sort of leader board. You all know how we don't like the idea of playing favourites, right? What we're powerless to stop is your slobbering hunger to make us choose one despite ourselves. Thus his craven, pathetic eagerness to accept something that might as well have been 'For Meritorious Achievement In Peeing Standing Up' or 'Most Days Spent Wearing Hunter-Vest Orange'."
"What is more, you seem to forget that as a sheltered little boy, he tends to assign to you wisdom you do not have because of your having won something or other that might not lead you anywhere in life. I'd like to address the most gnawing, pants-on-head stupid example of that tendency right now. Take it away, Son."
Lincoln looked at the girlier of his twin sisters and said "Lola. You are one month away from being seven years of age. You know very little of the world outside your very narrow set of interests. Your opinion of my coin collection is simply your own and I was a fool to let you make me feel bad about having it."
As Rita Loud held her daughter down, Luan said "Great. What did you two and Mom do when she had to get Lisa's spare pair of glasses: work on your withering put-downs? That's the same speech she gave Lola about the blasted thing!"
"Actually, no. I'd spent the first eight days finally piecing together how much power he'd allowed himself to give you. It's like your mom's old gig but I had to reach through the other hole to pull those teeth."