Hey guys, I've been pretty bad at updating recently and for that I apoligise. I'm trying I promise. Between my grounding the other week and my laptop completely dying on me a few days ago it's been pretty difficult trying to write as I hate using my phone or tablet. And all my plans for my stories are on the laptop that won't switch on anymore, I'm awaiting the harddrive being recovered and along with it my notes etc. Anyway, here is the next one of this. If anyone reads my other story "Saving Stella", there is an update coming but because of recent issues it may be a few more days. Hopefully once I get all my notes I'll be able to update more regularly.
On another note, I did start planning and writing the promised Stella and Severide story and their domestic discipline lives. I managed to get some of the first chapter written up before my laptop died and will be uploading that shortly too.
On to the updates for the others, I'm going to be writing three different stories therefore will be cutting back on the amount of updates each one gets in a week. I want to try for at least one per story per week. And make it so that they are more regular for you guys. I'm thinking maybe of doing updates for this one on a Monday, "Saving Stella" on a Thursday and my new story on a Sunday.
So without further a do here we go.
It was a really long night for the young truck captain. Matt perching on the edge of Gabby's bed all night as she slept in his arms. His wife not stirring at all since he returned to the hospital last night, the sedative she had been given clearly doing its job. But despite the fact she had slept like a baby , Matt had been unable to allow himself to fall asleep, the man going over everything the doctor had told him several hours previously. And although he knew it was a bad idea he couldn't prevent himself from googling the condition, the man only scaring himself more by the words on the screen in front of him.
'... Maternal complications include higher risk of wound infection, pelvic abscess, bacterium and postpartum haemorrhage.'
It was the last point especially that scared him, even though the document he was reading told him that maternal death was only rarely encountered it was still a possibility and even the slightest risk to her life scared him immensely. He knew that Dr Manning had already assured him that Gabby was in no immediate danger, but at the same time she also hadn't mentioned any of the risks for his wife at all, the doctor focusing only on the risks for their babies. He made a mental note to speak to her about it when she came in, before putting his phone away and attempting to let himself sleep.
His sleep however was continually disturbed by dreams of Gabby, the mans subconscious mind playing wild and vivid images behind his closed eyelids. Images of her on the operating table, she'd had the babies and they were all ok, their son and daughter were the most beautiful human beings he'd ever laid eyes on. The two new parents holding them close while the doctors worked on the new mother.
'No' the doctor shouted, Matt looking up to see her covered in blood, his eyes returning to the face of his wife but she'd already gone, the life in her eyes now dimmed as voices around him shouted. A hand on his shoulder moving him out of the OR, his son and daughter being held by unfamiliar doctors as they were all moved down the hallway. The image of Dr Manning covered in blood imprinted in his mind.
"Matt what happened?" Antonio asked, the older Dawson's eyes clouding in fear when he saw the streaks of tears running down his brother in laws face.
"She... she bled. I don't know.. everything was fine and then it wasn't."
"Is she alive?"
"I don't know... I've got to go. I'm sorry."
He moved down the hallway following behind the doctors holding his children, the children he may have to raise alone. She had to get through this, she just had to. The risks to her were only small, how did this happen? She'd given birth to them both and everything had been wonderful, she'd looked so happy.
Before he knew it he was sitting in the NICU, both his children in a little incubator either side of him, the man sat between the two his hand inside the little contact holes, both children holding his hand with a deathly grip, the feeling of their touch grounding him, his children having the same effect on him that his wife, their mother did.
"Matt" Dr Manning said stepping into the room, her blank face not giving much away.
"Is she alive?" he asked, his voice unsteady.
"I'm so sorry, she just lost too much blood. We did everything we could."
"No, no" he cried, his world crumbling around him.
He sat beside the bed still in the OR, the bed that held his wife, her skin cold to the touch as he cried, cried over her body. The woman he loved so much dead in front of him. She was gone. He was alone in this world, alone to raise the children they had created together, the children that had made them so happy for a short moment before taking her from him.
He tried to wake up, he was shouting that it wasn't real, that they were all fine, that nothing was going to happen to them. His loud voice filling the walls around him before his eyes shot open. A weight against his chest helping him snap back into reality, mixed with the feeling of someone looking at him.
"Matt" she spoke so quietly he barely heard her. "Are you ok?"
"I.. it was just a dream. I'm ok" he said, although truthfully he was anything but, the dream he'd awoken from being a very real possibility but he didn't want to scare her, no she didn't need to know what the dream was, not yet anyway. Not until he'd had a chance to speak with the doctor and work out what everything meant, what the risks were. He knew he shouldn't have googled, the man kicking himself slightly for allowing the information he'd read get to him so much. The concerned look in his wife's eyes only making him more angry with himself. "I'm ok" he reassured again.
Gabby nodded her head gently at him, the woman resting herself back down into his arms. "What happened?"
"Huh?"
"Last night? I remember chatting with Shay and Stella and then next thing I remember is you shouting in your sleep. What happened?"
"You have an infection, it caused your heart rate to sky rocket and your blood pressure bottom out. Dr Manning started you on some antibiotics, she's going to come in, in the morning and explain it all. Just try and get some more sleep at the minute."
"Ok" she responded, her hand stroking across his cheek comfortingly. "You need to sleep too Matt."
"I'm ok, I'm just concerned about you." He told her closing his eyes once more, although try as he may he didn't get much sleep after that, the man stoking his wife's back as he soothed her back into her own state of unconsciousness.
"Good morning guys" Dr Manning greeted when she entered the room just after breakfast the next morning. "Gabby how are you feeling?"
"Like I got run over by a bus" she admitted, her body ached, her head was pounding and she truly felt rough.
"That's understandable, you were running quite a fever last night. Have you had anything this morning?"
"No, only the IV antibiotics. We've not long been up."
"Ok, well let me go get someone to get you some aspirin and then I can talk you through everything that has happened, and what happens next." She said, exiting the room momentarily, the couple hearing her speak to a nurse before she came back inside. "Ok, it shouldn't be long until they bring it through."
"Did Matt tell you anything about what happened last night?" Dr Manning asked.
"Yes, he said I have an infection, that I passed out."
"Yeah, so what you've got is called chorioamnionitis. Its is an acute inflammation of the membranes and is almost certainly why you suffered PPROM, now at the moment we are treating it with a strong dose of broad antibiotics, we will do some bloods later on to see just how you are responding to those but I am confident that we caught it quickly. This is why I wanted you in the hospital until the birth, because if you had been at home there is no guarantee that I would have been able to start the antibiotics quickly enough to keep you out of the OR last night. As it was, we could act extremely quickly and we are hoping that means we can keep those two in there a little longer."
"How long?"
"Ideally for a few more weeks, but like I told Matt last night don't be surprised if you are parents by the end of the week."
"It's too soon, I'm only twenty eight weeks."
"You're almost twenty nine, and yes it would be early but if we have to make a decision about the risk verses the benefits, it will be delivery over waiting. So I just need you to be prepared for that fact ok?"
Gabby looked at her husband, the mans freak out throughout the night slowly starting to make more sense to her. "Is that what your dream was about?"
"Yes and no" Matt admitted, the man silently telling her they could speak about it later. "Dr Manning, I was reading up last night and I read some of the risks, the risks for Gabby?"
"They are very small risks" she assured him, the woman understanding immediately what he was asking. "Google will always give you the worst case scenarios, it is better if you don't go searching for answers and just ask myself or any of the other doctors here."
"I know and I regretted it straight after I started reading. I knew I should have just asked you but in the dead of night when I couldn't sleep it seemed like a good idea."
Dr Manning nodded in understanding, "I get it Matt I do, but all you need to do right now is make sure Gabby gets enough rest, enough fluid and enough food. Leave everything else down to me. I will get all three of them through this and I will keep them in there as long as I possibly can. I promise you that."
"Thank you Doctor." he said, offering her a small smile. "We appreciate it."
"You don't need to thank me." She said, pulling the ultrasound machine closer to the bed, "right shall we have a look at these two little monkeys this morning, see what mischief they are up to. And then I can get out of your hair and let you get some rest."
"Sounds good to me" Gabby replied, the woman adjusting herself on the bed while Matt moved out of the way. The man standing at the head of the bed, and reaching out for her hand.
Dr Manning placed the jelly on Gabby's exposed belly, the mother to be flinching at the sudden coldness. It didn't matter how many times she went through this procedure, the jelly was always a shock to the system. The cold gooey gel that was a necessary evil to see their babies, making the woman shiver each and every time.
"So let's have a look shall we?" The doctor asked moving the wand around her belly, "well they aren't as active as they have been but with the lack of fluid and last nights incident that isn't surprising. Let me just get some measurements and then I can let you hear their heartbeats again." She told the smiling couple, both of their gazes fixed to the black and white picture on the screen in front of them.
"You ok?" Matt asked, seeing Gabby close her eyes momentarily. The colour draining from her features suddenly.
"I think I'm going to be..." but she didn't get a chance to finish her sentence, the mother throwing up all over her husbands shirt. "I'm sorry" she whispered, another wave of Nausea hitting her as Matt reached for the sick bowl, this time getting it in between them before she threw up again.
"It's ok baby" Matt soothed rubbing his wife's back gently, "you're ok."
It was a further ten minutes before Gabby managed to stop throwing up, the woman looking thoroughly exhausted by the time she'd finished emptying her stomach.
"Are you ok?" Dr Manning asked from beside her the doctor having sat quietly during everything. The concerned look in her eyes telling them both that she wasn't happy with how sick Gabby was still getting.
"I feel better now, I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry."
"No need to apologise. I can come back later and finish this if you'd prefer, I know you're probably tired now."
"No it's ok, let's do this now and then I can just rest for the reminder of the day."
The doctor nodded in agreement, the woman making quick work of getting the measurements she needed, only pausing when the nurse came in with some aspirin and water for Gabby to take.
"I need to take your temperature for your chart too." the nurse told her, holding out the thermometer.
"Ok" Gabby sighed the woman sitting up slightly to allow the doctor easier access to her ear.
"101" the nurse told Dr Manning.
"Ah ok, I want to have hourly temperature checks done on her please. I'm not happy with her still running a fever that high. Make sure she has regular medicine to please."
"Yes doctor" she replied tapping away on the iPad in her hands before leaving the room.
"Is it bad she still has a fever?" Matt asked as soon as the doctor had finished tapping on her own iPad screen.
"Its certainly not ideal. We were hoping the antibiotics would help combat the fever too, but it doesn't look like it's working in the way we hoped. I'll know more by the end of the day but for now I need you to rest, take the medicine and drink lots of water." She told them, directing most of her words at Gabby. "The fact you still have a fever is probably why you feel so rough, and quite likely why you just threw your breakfast back up. I'm going to get them to give you some anti nausea medicine through the IV and hopefully that will help a little too. We need you to be able to keep food down especially since your weight had dropped last time I weighed you."
"Had it?" Gabby asked, the news shocking both the parents. Although she couldn't be that surprised really, like Matt had rightly pointed out on many occasions most of the food she ate came straight back up within half an hour.
"It had" Dr Manning confirmed "not a drastic amount but enough for me to want to keep a close eye on it and you. I'll get them to bring you something else up to eat as you won't have had time to absorb any of your breakfast."
"I'm really not hungry." she tried to argue, the woman being met with stern looks from both the doctor and her husband.
"Gabriela you will eat something" Matt said turning her head to look at him.
She knew better than to argue with him especially when he was glaring at her in the way he was and using her full name. "I'll try." she murmured.
"That's all I'm asking." Dr Manning said, nodding her head at the couple. "So let's get you those heartbeats to listen to and I'll go ask for everything you need ok?"
Two minutes later the room was filled with the sounds of their children's heartbeats, Dr Manning quickly showing Matt where to place the wand for each baby before she went to speak with the nurses again.
"Sorry for being stubborn about food again" Gabby said looking towards her husband once they were alone.
"Its ok" he reassured her gently, "but do it again and your phone will be mine, understand."
"Yes sir."
"Good because eating is vital and skipping meals or snacks for that matter is anything but an option you have at the moment and if I ever hear you deny yourself food again there'll be trouble."
"Yes sir."
"Good girl" he told her kissing her head gently, the man resting his forehead against hers as they both lost themselves in the sound of their children's beating hearts.
"I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing this sound" Matt exclaimed moving the wand from Seb to Maddie, "it's just perfect."
"I know, I mean we hear that machine beeping away all day telling us they are ok but there is something so soothing and calming about hearing the gentle thump of their actual heartbeats."
"There is" Matt agreed.
"How is she doing" Severide asked later that day, the man calling his best friend when they had a lull in the calls.
"She's scared but she's putting on a true Gabby display of fearlessness. You know what she's like?"
"I do and that's what scares me."
"How are Shay and Stella fairing?"
"They are both worried about her, last night scared them. I don't think Shay slept a wink, and I know Stella didn't get much."
"So it was a long night all round then?"
"Yeah I think so" Kelly agreed. "So what's the plan then?"
"Dr Manning is trying her hardest to control the infection and her temperature, but every time they think its under control it sky rockets again. She's being sick a lot too. They gave her some more anti nausea medicine earlier but it doesn't seem to have done much." Matt told him sadly, "I'm worried about the effect this is having on her Sev, earlier when I went to the bathroom I know she was crying but when I came back she pretended she wasn't. I asked her what was up and she told me she was fine, but she really isn't I can tell. I'm not sure what to do here?" He directed the last bit as more of a question than a statement, the two men having similar conversations over the years about how to help Gabby open up. Usually Matt would leave her a bit and if she still didn't open up he'd gentle probe her about it, and if that still didn't work and if it warranted it he'd spank her. None of those options were available here, and even if they were he wouldn't use them.
"Do you want me to try?" Kelly offered, "She's always been good at opening up to me even when she's shut you and Shay out."
Casey thought about it for a few moments the man contemplating the suggestion, "You know that could be really helpful. I could go down to the cafe and leave you two to talk. I don't think she'd open up if I was near the room."
"I'll pop in after shift tomorrow and see what I can do ok?"
"Thanks Kel, it really means a lot."
"No need to thank me. We are family and family are always there for each other." He told him, "Now enough about Momma, how are you doing?"
Matt sighed deeply, "Not great" he admitted, "I didn't sleep great last night and made the horrible mistake of googling the condition which just made sleeping harder. I woke up several times from dreams of losing Gabby, losing the babies, losing all of them. It was horrible. The last one I had Gabby woke me up from, she said I was screaming in my sleep."
"That's rough man. You definitely should have known better than to google. Did you tell her what was bothering you?"
"Only after I'd spoken with Dr Manning, she wasn't happy about it."
"Dr Manning? Or Gabby?"
"Both, Dr Manning was polite about it. Gabby. Not so much." He told him, Matt remembering very clearly the conversation the couple had, had after their time with the doctor this morning. Gabby losing no time in telling Matt just how stupid an idea it was to google something.
"Why did you google?"
"I don't know, I was struggling to sleep and I thought maybe reading up on the condition would help set my mind at rest."
Gabby didn't even attempt to hide the scoff that left her lips. "Matt we are first responders we know better than anyone the dangers of what you can find on the internet, and now look what happened! You had nightmares all night and barely slept. Do you think you're going to be any good to me or our children if you scare yourself senseless by untrue facts and Wikipedia searches? It was stupid Matt really stupid and I can't believe you did it in the first place." She spat, her frustrations at the situation coming out full force.
"I know, it was stupid. You're right, I shouldn't have done it and I regretted it the minute I did."
Gabby sighed the woman recognising the look of regret that flashed across her husbands face, she didn't have the energy to fight with him, she'd said her piece and that was enough. He knew how she felt and that was enough. For now anyway. "Just don't do it again" she said quieter, "please?"
"I won't I promise." he assured her kissing her head gently.
"Wow" Severide said after he'd finished recalling the story. "And you let her talk to you like that?"
"I mean I wasn't happy about it, but she had every right to be mad at me, so I let it slide."
"You're the softest Dom I've ever met." He chuckled down the phone.
"Yeah I'm not sure Gabby would agree with you there" Matt chuckled back. Their conversation being cut short when he heard the all to familiar bells ringing out throughout the firehouse on the other side of the phone call. "Duty calls?" he asked.
"I'm afraid so, say hi to Dawson for me and I'll see you in the morning." Kelly told him the man hanging up the call as his boots hit the ground.
The reminder of the day went by fairly quickly for the Casey's the two lying quietly together for the most part. The only interruption to their quietness being the steady flow of doctors and nurses coming in and out for one reason or another. Unfortunately for Gabby her temperature continued to soar and by early evening she was feeling worse than she ever had, the woman not only fighting against the fever but also the continuous nausea she was now over whelmed with.
"Shall I get the nurse?" Matt asked as he moved yet another sick bowl away to be disposed of.
"I'm ok" she reassured him, "I just need to sleep and then I'll be feeling better soon."
Casey watched her settle herself in the bed, his wife's usual colour completely drained from her face as she tried to get herself comfortable. "You sure? You've been asleep a lot already today"?
"Honestly babe, I think that's what I need. Lots of sleep and some quiet."
"Ok, but if you're sick again I'm going to get someone."
"Deal" she agreed closing her eyes.
Matt finished cleaning up before dimming the lights slightly, the man setting himself up in the chair next to his wife's bed with a book in his hand. It didn't take Gabby long to be asleep again the gentle little sounds she was making being the only noise in the otherwise silent room. Casey however wasn't finding rest as easy, the man not really concentrating on the book he was reading. He'd repeatedly read the same paragraph over and over until finally he gave up, figuring it would make more sense for him to try and get some rest too as he hadn't really slept in the past twenty four hours.
Just as he closed his eyes there was a soft tapping on the glass door, the firefighter sighing to himself as he pushed himself out of the chair and around the drawn curtain. But the person he saw the other side of the door was the last person he had ever expected to see.
"Mum?" he said in a questioning tone, "what are you doing here? How did you even know I was here?"
"Hello Matthew" she replied through a tight lipped smile, "I went to the firehouse but they told me that you weren't there."
"Ok. Who told you I was here?"
"I managed to extract that little bit of information from your friend" she told him, the woman standing with her arms across her chest as she watched her son. "What I want to know is why I'm only just hearing about the fact that I'm going to be a grandmother?"
"Mum look I'm sorry I haven't called you but there's been a lot going on." He said, regret lacing his words. He didn't have the best relationship with his mother, he never had. But that didn't mean he should have kept this from her and honestly he hadn't meant to, it had just happened. With everything that they had, had going on recently, between Gabby struggling so much throughout the early pregnancy, to the cyst, to him getting injured and the whole thing with Eva he just hadn't found the time to call her. He never intended to hurt her feelings by not saying anything, although he couldn't shoulder the whole blame it wasn't as if she'd made any attempt contact him either. In fact he couldn't remember the last time he had actually seen her, let alone spoken with her.
"It's ok sweetheart, can I come in?" she asked, indicating to the room behind him.
"Mum I'm sorry but Gabby she's sleeping and she needs her rest. I can come down to the cafe or something?" He offered when he saw the look that flashed across his mothers face. "It's just she's not had it easy, the babies.."
"Sorry babies?"
"Yes mum, twins."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, the woman hearing this information for the first time.
"Sorry, I'm guessing you hadn't been told that much?"
"No I wasn't told much at all, just that there had been some complications with the pregnancy and Gabriela was here."
Matt nodded shortly, the man sensing that his mum was holding back a lot of anger towards him considering where they were. Not that, that had ever mattered to her before but he was grateful of it no the less. "I'm sorry mum, really I am. Let me just grab my phone and then we can go get a coffee."
Nancy Casey gave her son a short nod as he retreated inside the room, the man grabbing his phone and wallet from the side as quickly as he could not wanting to keep her waiting any longer than absolutely necessary.
"Gabby" he whispered gently, not wanting to completely disturb his wife's sleep. "I'm just going down to the cafe I won't be long ok?" he asked when she sleepily looked at him, the gentle nod of her head telling him she'd heard him. "I love you" he told her, retreating towards the door.
His mum was still stood stiffly in the hallway outside the room when he appeared next to her. "You ready?" he asked, opening his arm in the direction they needed to go.
They both moved in silence down the hallways, neither Casey knowing quite what to say to the other to start the conversation. Matt pressed the button to the elevator and stood back, the man watching his mother carefully. It was unusual for her to seek him out like this, especially turning up without even attempting to call first and he couldn't lie and say he wasn't a little apprehensive about what she wanted with him.
"So mum" he started when they stepped inside the elevator "what's new with you?"
"Nothing much Matthew, pretty much the same as always."
"What's brought you back to Chicago?" he asked, trying to steer her in the direction of telling him what she wanted.
"I just wanted to see my only son." she replied stiffly.
Matt scoffed slightly, if he knew anything about his mother and he did know her very well, he'd say there was absolutely no way her unannounced visit was just because, like she was trying to pass it off as being.
"Don't make that sound Matthew, it doesn't become you and you know how much I hate it." she warned, the woman's voice matching the sound in which he'd heard on many occasions throughout his adult life.
"Sorry but you don't actually expect me to believe that you've come all the way to Chicago just because you wanted to see me do you?" he asked, a bitterness to his own tone. The two exiting onto the lower ground floor and walking towards the busy cafeteria. "I haven't heard from you in I don't even know how long and here you are in the hospital after bullying it out of my friends."
"Well I wouldn't have to bully it out of anyone if my own son had told me about him becoming a father now would I?" she snapped back, her voice raising slightly.
"Mum I said I was sorry. Like I said..."
"Things have been busy. I get it sweetheart I do. I was a terrible mother and you don't want me around your children in case I screw them up. You don't need to sugar coat it. I'll just tell you why I'm here and then leave you and Gabriela alone." She spoke the sadness and hurt in her voice not being lost on him.
"Mum" he said reaching out to stop her as she made her way towards the counter. "Don't say that. Life was difficult back then, I didn't understand as a child but I do as an adult and I do want you in my children's lives but we have a lot of unresolved things to deal with before that's going to happen. And before I can start forgiving you."
Nancy sighed, the woman understanding the meaning behind his words. "I know sweetheart, it just hurts that you've kept this from me for so long. That I had to hear about it from the people you work with."
Matt nodded in understanding, the man ordering two coffees and paying for them before answering his mothers comments. "Look, I understand that life was difficult. Dad well he was difficult to live with and you did what you had too, to protect yourself but you can't expect me to forget everything that put me and Christy through. I had to raise her, you checked out and I can't let you do that to my children. You're either in it for the long run or you aren't in it at all."
Nancy stood there shocked at her sons words, this grown man in front of her so obviously still carrying a lot of anger towards his childhood or lack of. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I never wanted you to feel like I didn't care. That I wasn't there for you."
"You weren't mum, you weren't there. Not when we were little and certainly not after you went to prison." He spat, the anger he was feeling coming through full force. "Dad was a terrible man, and an even worse father but he was still our father and you killed him. You took matters into your own hands and by doing so you left me and Christy alone. I was only fifteen mum, I shouldn't have had to raise my baby sister."
"You're Aunt.."
"No mum, she didn't do anything apart from give us a house to live in. She never wanted children, she only took us because she didn't want us going into the system and it meant she got money. She never truly wanted us there and the minute we both turned eighteen she made that abundantly clear. I raised your daughter, damn it mum I raised myself."
His words cut through her like nothing else, she knew he was hurt by the events that had happened in their troubled past but she could never have imagined he held such hatred for her, for her actions when all she was ever trying to do was protect him and his sister.
"You don't know do you?" she asked. The woman's voice barely above a whisper.
"Know what?"
"Why I killed your father, what made me finally snap?"
Matt shook his head the man confused by the question, "of course I do, he beat on you and you couldn't see a way out."
"No" she shouted, her loud voice earning a few looks from people around the room, "No that's not why I did it." She said more quietly, a firmness to her voice he had never heard before.
"Then why?" he asked his confusion growing, "Why did you shoot my father? Why did you rip our family apart and force us into living with yet another person that clearly never wanted us."
Nancy sighed, the woman cursing herself for breaking the promise she had made all those years ago. The promise she had made her sister take, the reason behind why she had done what she had done and the secret she had been hiding from her son for much of his life.
"Mum?" he questioned, the man watching the unreadable expression spreed across her face as she sat opposite him. "Why?" he asked again.
"Sweetheart you've got to understand that I never wanted you to know this, I never wanted to put this pain on you."
"Mum just tell me please?" he begged, the scared and small tone to his mothers voice extracting a fear in him he hadn't felt in a while, the longer he waited for an explanation, the shorter his breaths became. This was something he had waited over half his life for. Why had his mother taken a gun to his fathers house and shot him that day, what had changed that meant she could no longer deal with the pain that he had inflicted upon her.
"He hurt your sister" she whispered, Matt having to really strain to hear what she had said.
"He what? How?"
There were so many questions and images swirling around his head, the man conjuring up many ways his father could have possibly hurt his sister, none of them being anything good or pleasant.
"He.. I came home from the store one day, your sister she was off school with a migraine. I popped out quickly to get her some medicine, I was trying Matthew I really was, I know you probably didn't see it but I was going to meetings I was trying to get clean. After your dad moved out I thought I could be a better person, a better mother, the mother you both deserved, a mother you had so wrongly been denied for too long. So I was looking after her, but we ran out of Tylenol so I ran to the store to get some more, I was only gone a short time but when I returned your sister she was inconsolable. I didn't understand at first I thought it was just her head hurting her, but she kept shouting that she was ruined. She was only twelve and I just thought she hadn't made the cheer team or something, but finally she came out and told me the truth, your father he'd been.. he hurt her more than once."
"How?" Matt urged. "What did he do?"
"He.. he.. raped her" she uttered, her words coming out so quietly that he barely caught them. The shock of what he just heard making him want to vomit.
"He did WHAT?" he yelled, the man nearly tipping the table over as he jumped up. "Why did no one ever tell me this?"
"I didn't want to burden you with the details, you already felt so guilty over me using your keys. And I didn't want to put on you anymore. I shot him and I would probably do it again if I got the chance but I never wanted you to feel the pain I felt, or feel like you did anything wrong. You always looked out for your sister and I just knew you'd blame yourself for allowing this to happen to her, just like I was. So when you came home that day and I saw your keys to his place I couldn't stop myself. I'd been drinking, she told me and I hit the bottle hard and I decided that for once I needed to stand up for myself, for my children. So I went to his place and I shot him, my only regret is that you ended up alone. My sister took you because I begged her to, it was me that didn't want you going into the system. I knew if you did there was no guarantee they'd keep you together, and the likelihood of you both being placed when you were so old." She shook her head while she thought of the odds, they were slim, many people not wanting to have to deal with teenagers in the system and as terrible of a mother as she had been, that she knew she'd been, she couldn't allow them to go into a group home, the horror stories you heard from those places causing her to beg her older sister to take on her children. "I couldn't have them separating you not when you'd already lost your father and me. You needed each other, you needed to be together and the only way I could do that was by getting someone in the family to take you." She managed to get out, thick tears falling down her cheeks by the time she'd finished her tale.
Matt sat back down slowly, the man watching her silently for a few minutes, all these years he'd blamed himself for his fathers death. All these years he'd wished that he hadn't left his keys on the side and now he was learning that his father had done something so horrible, so unfathomable that he wasn't sure he could still be angry at the woman sat across from him.
"Why.. why" he said, his words stumbling out of his mouth as she turned to look at him again, her watery blue eyes matching his own. "Why did you come here today?" he asked the question he had repeatedly asked and was still yet to get a answer to.
"I came because I need your help." she said matter of factly.
"What with?"
"I got in with a bad crew in the half way house. I owe them some money, a lot actually and well they asked me to do something but if I do it..."
"Mum stop talking in riddles, what do you owe them for?"
"I... I lost a card game. Ok maybe a few card games."
"Mum!"
"I know sweetheart but you don't know what it's like in those places, you either join the bet or do drugs. And I don't want to go back down the path I took before, but these people they are bad news. Like really bad news."
"Mum, I'm about to be a dad. I can't be bailing you out. Neither me or Gabby are working at the moment, we have no income."
"I'm sorry Matthew, I am. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important. If I don't pay them they are going to make me.. "
"Make you what? What is it they have asked you to do?"
"They want me to take someone out?"
"On a date?" Matt questioned although he was pretty sure he knew the answer and the fact that, that was definitely not want they meant.
"No." she said shaking her head. "There's this guy, he owes them more than me. And well they know why I went to prison, they know what I did. They want to use my skills against him."
"Mum you've got to go to the police, Gabby's brother Antonio.."
"I can't Matthew. It's either I pay or.. or "
"Or what?"
"They know you're a firefighter, they know where you live and work, they know about your sister and Violet. If I don't do what they want, if I go to the police you're all in danger. Each and every one of you."
Matt wasn't sure what he had been expecting when his mum had turned up not an hour ago, but he certainly wasn't expecting everything he had just learnt. And he couldn't say that it didn't make him angry at the woman in front of him once more, here she was telling him that she had killed his father for something so unimaginable to protect them and in the same breath he was being told his life was in danger, that his family was in danger.
"Mum, I can't pay your debt. I'm sorry but I just can't, you are going to have to work this out yourself, but do not bring my family into it. If one day you decide to turn your life around then maybe we can talk about you being back in ours, but for now stay away from me and stay away from my family. Keep your friends away from my family. Because I swear to god if a hair on the head of any of them is hurt because of your reckless actions I will never ever forgive you, do you hear me?" he yelled, the man waiting only long enough for her to nod her head at him before storming out of the cafe and back to his wife's bedside. The man utterly reeling over the things his so called mother had done and said.
He didn't know what to do, or what he was going to tell Gabby. If he was honest he wasn't sure whether or not he should tell her, the man knowing it would only worry her and add to the plate of things being thrown at them recently but at the same time he knew he couldn't keep it from her. This was the one issue with their relationship, he didn't ever lie to her and she was never supposed to lie to him. Even white lies were forbidden, even when they could protect the other from unimaginable pain, it was a deal they had made long ago. A deal he wasn't willing to start breaking now because of his mothers choices. But despite the fact he couldn't keep it from her, he also knew he didn't have to tell her straight away. First he wanted to speak with Antonio, get his take on the situation and see if he could look into everything his mother had just told him, the young man still struggling to believe a word that left the older woman's mouth.
Changing his course he headed towards the double doors at the entrance of the hospital, the man finding the first bench he could and sitting down on it before taking his phone out of his pocket. He searched for the contact he needed, finding the mans name quickly and pressing the call button. Casey tapped his foot against the floor as the endless ringing entered his ear, the man being met by the detectives voicemail. Sighing to himself he decided to leave a quick message, "Hey Antonio, it's Matt. Don't worry Gabby is fine, she's sleeping but nothing has changed from this morning. Well it has but not with the babies or her. Listen my mum just turned up here, saying some stuff and well I just wondered if you could look into it for me, if you get a chance. So yeah if you could just give me a ring back when you get a chance please. Thanks."
He hung up the call, running his hands through his hair as he breathed in the fresh air of the outside world, the man allowing the cool breeze to wash over him before he headed back into the building he was sitting just outside of. The man just needing a minute to clear his head before going back up stairs. His moment being abruptly ended by the sound of a text coming through.
Baby where are you, I'm having contractions again.