I own nothing. Least of all this.

The God Complex, As Told From The Master's POV

3) YOU WHO GREW UP TALL AND PROUD

The Master groaned and banged his head against the console. "Seriously, Doctor? I always knew you were suicidal, but trying to drag all of us along with you? Bad form, old chap, bad form."

"What? What on Earth could possibly be wrong with Apulapachia?"

River swiveled the display around. "Do you want the list in chronological order, or alphabetical?"

"Oh, come on! Its Apulapachia! Sweeping vistas, silver towers, the views of a lifetime! Ranked seventh place in 'Destinations For The Discerning Inter-Galactic Traveler!"

Amy leaned back on the console beside him. "Only seventh? Why aren't we goin' to number one?"

River's fingers began flying over the keyboard. "Because saying something is the best always automatically makes it more popular, mummy dear. In short, it's now a tourist trap."

The Doctor snapped and pointed. "Exactly! Planet of the coffee shops; how dreadfully boring."

Another groan. "And right now, boring would be infinitely better than where you've just so happened to land us."

Amy pushed herself up straight. "Why, where've we landed?"

River spun the display in her direction. "Around four hundred years later than he was aiming, I think. At the height of the GEN-7 outbreak."

The Doctor jerked. "What? No, that's ridiculous, it couldn't possibly have…"

Apparently, he'd finally realized exactly where River was pointing on the screen.

"Ah. Well. Four hundred-ish. Closer to five hundred. So, technically, you could say we were both in the wrong."

This time, the groans came in unison.

"…Somehow, that didn't sound like agreement."

The Master glared. "Can't imagine why. Right; this is the third time in a row you've done this. I'm picking this time."

He didn't miss the quickly whispered "Can he do that?" Amy threw River's way. He did, however, ignore it.

"Now then; how bout Ravan-Skala? The people there are six hundred feet tall; you have to use a hot-air balloon just to talk to them! And the Tourist Information Center! Mmm! Just exquisite!"

"I thought we were trying to avoid tourist traps."

"Ah, and you'd be right Amy! We're not going for anywhere the Center can point us to; we're going for where its located. Tell her, Doctor."

The Doctor sighed. "The Ravan-Skala Tourist Information Center is located inside one of the hats of its indigenous population."

"Oh come on, Doctor! You left out the best part! Go on; reveal exactly what type of hat this infamous Tourist Center just so happens to be!"

Realization blossomed on River's face. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me…"

"What?" Amy swiveled her head back and forth between the two. "What am I missing?"

The Doctor's voice dropped into a monotone. "The specific shape chosen for the Ravan-Skalan Tourist Information Center, in a very illustrious contest I might add, spanned the entirety of seven planets and over thirty years,…"

The Master slapped him on the back of the head. "Quit stalling, you moron."

The Doctor glared. "Yes, well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…the final design chosen for the Ravan-Skalan Tourist Information Center was…a brilliant, ruby-colored, fez."

Amy slowly looked from River, to the Master, and then back again. "…Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

River grinned. "That we're about to rid the universe of quite possibly the largest crime against fashion in history? Yes; yes, I think we are."

Amy grinned. "The planet of Ravan-Skala it is!"

The Master's expression matched hers exactly as he threw the lever. "En Avante!"

And thus the planet of Apulapachia, the GEN-7 plague, and the Two Streams facility were all (fortunately) avoided.

"…This is wrong."

Amy slammed the TARDIS doors shut. "Yeah, I can see that!"

"No, I mean this is physically, completely, and utterly wrong."

The Doctor laughed. "Admit it; you're out of practice. Two thousand years'll do that to you."

The Master glared. "And which of us actually managed to pass the test to fly these things? I'm telling you, I locked the coordinates for Ravan-Skala into the TARDIS perfectly. But these readings…best I can figure, we're on a human colony vessel. Albeit one apparently built by aliens."

River poked her head around the console. "Much as I hate to admit it, he's right. The TARDIS is refusing to admit we're anywhere but where we're supposed to be."

The Doctor's smile vanished. "Ah. Well, that explains that."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Funny thing about the old girl; she doesn't always take you where you want to go…but she always takes you where you need to go."

Amy blinked. "…So when River says we're where we're supposed to be…"

He finished the sentence. "She means it literally. Frankly, I'm still not sure its not a trap. Traps are my flirting, after all, I'm pretty good at recognizing one when I see it."

"Gun in four pieces."

"Not technically a trap, so it doesn't count. I mean it; this smells fishy to me."

"That's just the fish fingers."

He shrugged. "If you say so. I'm still taking my screwdriver."

Amy scoffed. "What, you have a sonic screwdriver?"

"Laser screwdriver. Who'd have sonic?"

River emerged from behind the console. "Speak for yourself."

He stepped forward to block her path. "Hold on; just where do you think you're going?"

She rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious, sweetie? If the TARDIS thinks there's something we need to take care of here, she's not gonna let us leave until its dealt with, whatever it is. And if it really is a trap, then aren't you just the least bit curious about who set it?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, dearie."

"And satisfaction brought it back. Come on, gang; the sooner we finish up here, the sooner we can get back to ridiculing a certain somebody's fashion sense."

"Oi! Don't dis the fez; fezzes are cool!""

"They really aren't." mumbled Amy.

He ignored them in favor of trying to intimidate his daughter away from the door.

It didn't work. It never did. "…Fine. Twenty minute adventure. In and out."

River gave him a particularly fake smile as she brushed past him on the way out. Funny; that was the most physical contact they'd had since Berlin. To be expected; she still didn't fully believe him about the whole Chamaeleon Arch thing. In an ironic turn of events, the Doctor actually trusted him more than his own kid.

He sighed as he followed her out of the TARDIS. "And if we just so happen to get stuck here for longer than that, I'm reserving the right to begin shooting things at random."

The Doctor snorted. "As if you wouldn't do that anyways."

"True."

"So…human colony ship, you said?"

He shrugged. "Seemed logical. Who else do you know that would go through the trouble of bringing along a fake cheese plant?"

The Doctor sniffed the object in question. "Good point. Still, very well done replica." His hand scooped an apple from the bowl next to the plant. "Seriously…" he took a bite out of it, "…Whoever did this, I am shaking his slash her hand slash tentacle."

The Master ignored him in favor of concentrating on the walls. Specifically, the pictures on them. "Commander Halke, defeat. Tim Heath, having his picture taken. Lady Silver-Tear, Daleks."

Amy cut in from the other side of the room. "Paige Barnes, other people's socks. Tim Nelson, balloons. Novice Prin, sabrewolves. Royston Luke Gold, Plymouth. Lucy Hayward, that brutal gorilla…"

He wondered… "People's fears or people's fates?"

The Doctor turned. "Sorry, what?"

He pointed. "The captions. Are they what people were afraid of…or what they died to?"

River cut in. "Considering this could be a trap, why can't they be both?"

"I didn't wanna be the first to mention it. And can someone turn that bloody music off? No, wait, hold on…"

He stomped over and ripped the reel out of the player. "You don't take over the entirety of Britain with a psychic satellite network without learning the absolute best way to go about mind controlling people…"

His screwdriver whirred. "…It's in the undertones."

He shoved the reel back in, and pressed play. The music was gone, now, leaving behind only a single phrase, repeating over and over.

"Praise him. Praise him. Praise him Praise hi.."

BZZZZAT!

"Right, that's enough of that. I'd say the odds of 'trap' have just skyrocketed."

Amy nodded. "Definitely. Wait, hang on, take over all of Britain?"

"With a psychic satellite network. Don't forget that bit, it's very important."

The Doctor laughed. "In more than one way. It's how I managed to beat him that time around."

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. "A rather Pyrrhic victory, though. I think practically everyone lost at least something that day."

The Doctor's eyes glazed over in recollection. "Yeah; I guess they did. I went back and checked, you know. After Berlin. When you got erased from Time, Archangel went with you. And it didn't come back when you did. Still haven't figured that bit out yet. Long story short, there's no one left on Earth that remembers Harold Saxon that didn't live it."

"…I remember." River's voice seemed awfully small all of a sudden.

An awkward silence settled over the room.

He clapped his hands together. "Right; that's enough of that. Shall we check in?"

He hit the bell.

And then immediately spun and disintegrated the chair leg being brandished in his direction.

"…Blimey, that was quick."

"WE SURRENDER!"

Lovely. "A Tivolian. Fantastic. You know, I've lost count of the times I've conquered Tivoli. Really must go and do it again, I try to make it a point whenever I get a new face…"

The Tivolian bowed deeply. "We'd be honored, sir. Tell me, whose name should I begin inserting into our National Anthem?"

Oh, he'd missed this. "You can call me…the Master."

Somehow, the Tivolian managed to go even paler.

Oh, right. "And these are my compadres, Amy Pond, River Song, and the Doctor. And your names are?"

The lady in scrubs slowly dropped her now chair leg-less arm. "…Rita. And this is Howie and…Gibbis."

There was no mistaking that tone. "Ah. First time meeting an alien, yeah? Doctor, I believe this is your area of expertise."

The Doctor gave him a mocking salute and stepped forward. "So. Hello, everyone."

Rita was, apparently, having none of that. "Why should we trust you? Any of you? When we came around the corner, your pupils were perfectly normal. You were expecting us."

The Doctor held up a finger. "Technically, we were only expecting somebody. And considering we rather suspected this place was a trap from the start, you'll have to excuse my…colleague…for his rather understandable reaction. He doesn't like it when people point things at him."

River scoffed. "You're one to talk…"

The Doctor shushed her. "Now, am I correct in assuming you've all landed here under mysterious circumstances?"

They all nodded.

"Right. And the very first thing you did upon arriving was either go exploring, or decide to stay put here in reception. So, what I want to know is, if you chose the second option, why weren't you here? And if you chose the first, how on Earth did you manage to get here literally seconds after we rang the check-in bell?"

The short one, Howie, crossed his arms. "We didn't hear; we don't know. We didn't even know how to get back here, to reception. The walls move. Everything changes."

The Doctor snapped back to Rita. "You, clever one. What's he talking about?"

"The corridors twist and stretch. Rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else. It's like the hotel's alive."

Howie cut in. "Yeah, and its, huge, with like, no way out."

He couldn't help it. "Have you tried the front door?"

Rita responded in kind. "No, in two days, it never occurred to us to try the front door. Thank God you're here."

"You know, I think that's the first time anyone's said that about me, even sarcastically."

"Can't imagine why."

"Oh, I like you."

Amy slapped him again.

The Doctor threw open the front doors to reveal…bricks. "They're not doors, they're walls. Walls that look like doors. Door-walls, if you like, or dwalls. Woors even, though you'd probably got it when you said they weren't doors. I mean, the windows are…"

Yet more bricks. "Right, big day if you're a fan of walls."

"Its not just the walls. The rooms have…things…in them."

Wait, what.

The Doctor perked up at Rita's remark. "Things? Hello! What kind of things? Interesting things? I love things, ask anyone."

River nodded and mouthed 'He really does'.

Before he could ramble any further on, Rita managed to silence him with just two word. "Bad dreams."

"…Well that killed the mood."

He stopped glaring at the Tivolian just long enough to add his own contribution to the conversation. "And quite possibly a large number of people as well. Bad dreams tend to do that. I should know; I've been one often enough."

Amy hip-checked him. "Hush, you."

"Yes, sweetie."

The Doctor ignored the pair of them. "You lot. How did you get here?"

Rita shrugged. "I don't know. I'd just started my shift. I must have passed out, because suddenly I was here.

Howie pushed his glasses back up on his nose. "I was blogging. Next thing, this."

Gibbis' eyes bounced back and forth between the Doctor and the Master. "Oh, I was at work. I'm in Town Planning. We're lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade."

"Oh, good. I do so love a people who actually consider the comfort of their conquerors."

Gibbis, being a Tivolian, missed his sarcasm entirely. "Oh yes, its very nice for them."

Everyone elected to make various noises of agreement rather than let an awkward silence ensue. It did anyway.

"…So, what have we got: People snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless, shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms. Well, apart from anything else, that's just rude."

"What's a TARDIS?"

He could only stare at the now empty stairwell. "Amongst other things that are mostly incomprehensible to apes like you, it's our way out."

"Oh never mind him, he always insults species when he's upset." River sighed. "I wish I could say it wasn't a Time Lord trait. Long story short, our ride home is apparently…gone."

"…Okay, that's bad."

"Well we're certainly at least three buses, a long walk, and eight quid in a taxi away from good." The snark was coming of its own accord now, he wasn't even bothering to engage his brain to ensure it was at least half decent. "Right; what else or who else have we got to work with?"

Rita answered first. "Joe. But he's…tied up at the moment."

He groaned. "Seriously? What is it with the puns? Such a shame; I was actually liking you up til then. C'mon then; let's go speak to Joe. But first…"

BZZZAT!

"If anyone else notices musak being pumped in anywhere else, could you possibly see your way clear to doing something rather violent to the source? Its actually a subliminal message that in no way, shape, or form, has absolutely any chance of being good for you. Now then; En Avante!"

"There's a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you. Even…" Joe's eyes swung in River's direction, "…for her."

"You said you'd seen the light now."

"Nothing else matters any more. Its like these things. I used to hate them. They make me laugh now. Gottle o'geer, gottle o'geer."

Hahahahahahahahahaha….!

BZZZAT!

"Boring conversation anyway." He twirled his screwdriver. "Rule Three: I'm the only one that gets away with laughing like a psychopath 'round here. Do it again, and I'll personally remove your esophagus through your rectum."

Joe swallowed. "…You should go. He'll be here soon."

"Hang on, just a second ago you were trying to get us to feed ourselves to this 'him'. Now you're telling us to run? Why? What happens when we meet him while we're 'raw'?"

Joe said nothing.

"Right; I think you should come with us."

"Joe said, 'He will feast'. Is there something else here with us?"

"Oh, almost certainly. Can't have a trap without a hook." He ruffled Joe's hair. "Any 'light' you'd care to shed on the subject, Joe?"

"Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your head. Chop, chop, chop, chop."

"Ah, 'Under The Budding Chestnut Tree'. You told me something there, you really shouldn't have done that. Also…"

The screwdriver whirred.

"…I did warn you."

Amy glared at him. "Did you really have to blast through both his kneecaps?!"

"Well, unless you want to constantly have to worry about whether or not he's gonna escape, then yes. Also, it's a laser. The wounds are cauterized. It's only painful if he decides to do something stupid. Which, all things considered, is more likely for humans than not."

The Doctor's shout came too late. "Hey! Don't…!"

Hahahahahahahahaha…!

BZZZAT, BZZZAT, BZZZAT, BZZZAT!

"Rule Three. I would say 'on your own heads be it', but you don't have them anymore, sooooo…"

"Rory!"

"What? As far as I can tell, this whole place is just a giant Room of Requirements, albeit techy instead of wizard-y. Therefore, the odds of those being actual people are approximately nil. As far as I'm concerned, I just popped a couple of leaky balloons and saved you the trouble of hearing them squeal."

The kid was rocking himself in place by this point. "This is just some m, m, messed up CIA stuff I'm, I'm , I'm tellin' you."

The Doctor somehow managed to offer the kid a comforting arm while simultaneously attempting to burn a hole through me using just his expression. "You're right. Keep telling yourself that. It's a CIA thing, nothing more. And if a certain someone decides to shoot first and ask questions later one more time, he's losing screwdriver privileges."

He shrugged "Fine."

After all, the Doctor hadn't mentioned anything about TCEs.

He blinked.

Then blinked again.

Nope, still there. "FIRE EXIT", in bold green letters.

It had to be a trap. Or did it…?

"Uh, guys?"

ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAR!

"Okay, whatever that is, I'm sure it isn't real, right?"

The Doctor began backing away somewhat swiftly. "No. No, I'm sure it isn't. But just in case…let's run and hide anyway. In here."

What? No!

"No, this way! I've found a…"

A door. The fire exit was gone. Room 216 stood in its place.

Figures. Only way his room could have a more appropriate number was if it were "666" or maybe "42".

"Master, come on!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"

Weeping Angels. Of course the Tivolian would be terrified of the one thing you can't surrender to.

"Don't blink!"

"Yes, I know how it works Amy!" Honestly. "Hang on; why haven't they touched us yet?"

The Doctor waved his hand…and it passed right through them.

"See! Room of Requirement! They're not real!"

"Amy, look at me. Focus on me! It's just your bad dream, that's all."

"Don't be ridiculous Doctor, they're not here for us." He raised an eyebrow at the Tivolian cowering in the wardrobe.

STEP. CLOMP. STEP. CLOMP. STEP. CLOMP…

"That, however, might be."

The Doctor sidled up to the peephole.

Amy grabbed his arm. "Doctor, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I just have to see what it is. I just have to see."

Yeah, like that's never turned out badly before.

"Oh, look at you. Oh, you are beautiful."

As expected.

"Oh, dear."

Aaaaaaaand the penny drops.

"I think it's going after Joe."

He gave a gasp of horror. "I'm shocked, I tell you, absolutely shocked."

The Doctor ignored him in favor of ripping the door open and bounding through it. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

He had no choice but to follow. "Isn't leaving him alone what got us in this mess in the first place?"

"JOE!"

"Oh sure, no one ever listens when you say, 'I told you s…'"

What. The hell. Was that.

Never mind, I knew exactly what it was. Its amazing what a week on Nimon can do to broaden your horizons.

"JOE! JOE?"

"I don't know what you're still yelling for, he's long since dead."

The Doctor knelt beside the body. "Joe. Joe, what happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened: the Minotaur that's imprisoned in this Labyrinth with us decided he was tired of fish and chips. On the bright side, we at least learned that its capable of tracking you even when you're bound and gagged to keep from praising him."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when he found himself pinned to the wall and staring into the crackling eyes of the Oncoming Storm. "Is this a joke to you? You think it's funny? People have died."

"Of course people have died; that's what people do! The truth is, Doctor, that I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared beyond all belief that that thing is going to go after Amy next. And if I didn't make some bad jokes now and then, I might just go mad. Well, madder than I already am."

"…You know what it is."

"I have a vague idea. At least twelve percent of one, to be precise."

Slowly, the grip on his vest collar relaxed. "…Right. We should…probably get back to the others. And then…you are going to tell us everything you know."

"…Okay. But first…" he bent, and swung Joe's body up in a fireman's carry. "We should probably confirm a hypothesis of mine."

He shoved a chair under the door handles. It wouldn't stop the Minotaur, or even slow it down, but the issue was moot considering it hadn't chosen its next victim. Still, it was good for morale.

He heard the nurse mumbling something about tea, and as much as he would've enjoyed a cuppa, there were more pressing matters. Namely, the conversation Amy was sharing with the Tivolian.

"…Listen. The Doctor's been part of my life for so long now, and he's never let me down. Even when I thought he had, when I was a kid and he left me, he came back. He saved me. And now he's going to save you. But don't tell him I said that, because the smugness would be terrifying."

"You really shouldn't be saying things like that." They both jumped at his sudden appearance. "And I'm not just saying that to be rude, I mean it. That thing out there, its drawn to your emotions. Strong ones. I'd advise you keep to cool and logical for the moment. Even if that means criticizing each and every thing that comes out of all our mouths."

That silenced them both quite effectively.

The Doctor, River, and the nurse were all standing around the body. Good; meant he'd only have to explain this once.

"…his vital organs simply stopped, as if the simple spark of life, his loves and hates, his faiths and fears, were just…taken."

He stepped into the circle. "And that's exactly what happened. More or less."

River raised an imperious eyebrow. "Explanation time, then? Is this one of yours?"

"Rassilon no, I wish it were. Although, considering the fact that my room seems to consist of a fire exit that only I can see, it does raise some uncomfortable questions. Questions we can hopefully answer later. For now, here's what you need to know: on Earth, there's a legend. A legend of a monster, born of royalty, that was imprisoned within an endless Labyrinth to keep it from wreaking havoc on the kingdom."

The nurse frowned. "You're talking about the Minotaur."

"One point to the lady in scrubs. And like all legends, it had a basis in reality. I was there, once. On Nimon. I steered well clear of the actual Labyrinth, but I still saw things. Enough for me to draw certain conclusions. This place was designed to resemble the Labyrinth on purpose; no place more endless-feeling than an eighties hotel. And considering this place was obviously built as a trap, I have to wonder just which of us it was made for. Not for me, obviously, but one of you. One of us. And the odds are drastically in favor of it being Dicky-Bow here."

The nurse sipped her tea. "How come?"

"Thing is, this…Minotaur. It feeds on your emotions, particularly your strong ones. Biologically, I think it sends your brain's chemical producers into overdrive, overloads the circuits so to speak, and then chows down on the remains. That musak from earlier was just the primer; it probably takes a good while longer for the Minotaur to break down your reactions on its own. See, most Time Lords don't really do emotions, with the exception of our mutual friend here. But when they do, it's always extreme. That's why you're all here: you're cannon fodder, designed to get the Doctor good and angry enough to do something drastic. The second act, if you will. So, if you have any hope of seeing tomorrow, I'd advise you to bury it. The longer you can keep yourself calm, no hates, no loves, no faiths, no fears, then the better chance you have of surviving. Trust nothing, not even yourself. Doubt is the name of the game."

"Doubt." The nurse sniffed. "Right. I'm in Jahannam, surrounded by what are apparently time-traveling aliens, and a monster designed to resemble a Greek legend that wants to eat my brain. If I start doubting my faith now, I'll probably end up a crumbling wreck."

"Fine. If that's what happens, then it happens. Panic is the opposite of feelings; it's the blue screen of death for emotions. If you're frozen, you're not feeling. Still better than just blindly following."

River snorted. "And does that include following you?"

"Naturally. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. Do as I say, not as I do."

"Hypocrite."

"Realist."

"Same thing."

Amy decided then was the time to break up the back-and-forth. "Doctor look at this. I found it in a corridor; I completely forgot I had it."

The Doctor flicked open the notebook to the last written page and began to read aloud. "My name is Lucy Hayward, and I'm the last one left. It took Luke first. It got him on his first day, almost as soon as we arrived. It's funny. You don't know what's going to be in your room until you see it, then you realize it could never have been anything else. I just saw mine. It was a gorilla from a book I'd read as a kid. My God, that thing used to terrify me. The gaps between my worships are getting shorter, like contractions. This is what happened to the others, and how lucky they were. It's all so clear now. I'm so happy. Praise him."

"Praise him."

Bollocks. The kid. I'd forgotten to tell the kid.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing…Praise him!"

The kid slapped his hand over his mouth.

"This is what happened to Joe!"

Yes, yes it was.

"Howie?"

Oh yeah, that was the kid's name, wasn't it?

"Howie. Howie, you're next. We're all dead jealous. So, tell us. How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn't he possessing all of us?"

"You guys have got all these distractions, all these obstacles. It'd be so much easier if you just let it go, you know? Clear the path."

"You want it to find you, even though you know what it's gonna do?"

Howie laughed. "Are you kidding? 'He's going to kill us all'. How cool is that?"

He grinned. "Pretty cool, I'll say. And even better, he's getting us to surrender to him willingly. I'd say I was impressed, if I wasn't trying very hard not to feel anything at all."

Amy leaned in conspiratorially. "Okay, so what are we actually gonna do?"

He whispered back. "We're going to catch ourselves a monster."

The Doctor scoffed. "What, no killing? Doesn't sound like you."

"Unless you wanna find out what happens to all the people with its psychic tendrils drilled into their heads when it kicks the bucket, then no. No killing. Not yet, anyway. For once, we're gonna ask questions, then start shooting."

"His love was a beacon that led me from darkness to light, and now I am blinded by his majesty! Humbled by his glory! Praise…"

The intercom went dead.

"…him."

Howie turned his head as much as he could to look at us. "What's going on? …You lied to me."

"Nope." He clapped his hands together. "That was the Doctor. Technically, I went along with this little scheme of his just to give us three an opportunity to talk. You, me, and Gibbis here."

"Well, if that's true, then you could at least stand where I can see you."

"Fair point."

He stepped forward.

Gibbis gave a small whimper. "What are you doing? The Doctor told us not to speak to him!"

"Rule One, Gibbis: The Doctor lies. Now then, Howie, I take it you still think getting killed by the resident big bad is, as you said, 'cool'."

"Yyyyyup."

"Thought so. Now, the Doctor's keeping our mutual friend a bit busy at the moment. Its his specialty, honestly: monologues that make you think they're dialogues. He thinks he's getting straight answers on whether or not the Minotaur is doing this willingly; what he's actually doing is giving me enough time to figure out how to poison its food supply."

Gibbis was still whimpering. "You said you weren't gonna kill it! You said it might take all of us with it if it dies!"

"Emphasis on the might. What the Doctor keeps forgetting is that I'm very, very good with minds. Worse comes to worst, I can always replace its influence with my own. At least temporarily. But best case? Best case…nobody dies. How's that sound to you, Howie? All that lovely faith you've got now? That utter confidence that your lord and savior is gonna come and take you? It means nothing to me. You want to know my real name, my full name? I'm not just the Master; I'm the Master of Death. And if I say that you're not going to die…then you're not. In fact, I will personally ensure that you live for an eternity; far longer than your precious Minotaur. His species is long gone now, their planet burned in the Time War. It wouldn't surprise me if he's the last of his kind. And once I deal with him…there'll be none left at all. No one to come along and take his place as the object of your worship. How does that sound to you?"

Tears were streaking down Howie's face. "No, no, no, no…"

"Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Because at the end of the day, Howie, it doesn't matter how much faith you have in something. There will always be something you fear more. And today, that something…"

Howie's ropes fell away.

"…is me. Now…run."

Howie stumbled out the door.

He followed. "Did you hear me? I said RUN!"

So Howie did.

Down corridors, up stairways, round corners, until finally…

Howie collapsed, utterly spent.

"There. You see? No matter how hard you run, no matter how far you go…I'll always be waiting. I'm a Time Lord; and now, your time is mine. It's not Jahannam…but I'll certainly make it hell."

Howie screamed.

And so did the monster.

He whirled to face Gibbis, who'd followed them all the way from reception. "Howie should be safe now. Take him and run, as far away as you can. That thing's on the warpath now. Do try and stay out of its way."

He'd barely said the word 'run' before Gibbis was swinging Howie up over his shoulder and going full-tilt back the way they'd come.

"…Typical Tivolian."

Right; the Minotaur would be looking for fresh meat. Best try and avoid that.

It was back to the running.

As his body slammed into the Minotaur, he had just enough time to glimpse what lay beyond the now open door.

Oh. Amy's room.

Where else?

For that matter, who else?

"It'll be alright, Pond; I'll figure something out!"

Oh no he wouldn't. "Oh no you won't!"

Blimey, this fellow could fight!

The Doctor dove through the door, screwdriver whirring. "Where's Howie? We heard him scream!"

"He's safe. No thanks to you. In fact, if you keep on the way you are, it wouldn't surprise me if you manage to get every single one of us killed."

"…Doctor?"

Oh, Amy. That room really did a number on you, didn't it?

"Take Amy and run, Doctor! Run as fast as you…OOF!"

Right in the stomach! Rude!

The beast's fist came flying in the direction of my face…just to be knocked aside by a rather irate archeologist student. "He's right, Doctor; GO! We'll catch up…HNNNN!"

Ouch, right through a brick wall. Such pain.

Right; I couldn't kill it yet. But I could certainly wound it. What was it that Reverend was so fond of saying? Ah yes: 'somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps'.

Fire one!

ROOOAAAAAR!

He hauled River to her feet. "Now we run!"

A flash of blue scrubs around the corner. "That way!"

Just in time to see a room door slam shut. Number Eleven. Three guesses who that one belonged to.

Sure enough; there he stood.

The Doctor…and the Doctor. The Doctor who forgot the promise…and the One who discarded it. And some days you could even tell which was which.

"Doctor!"

The real one whirled.

"Kill Amy's faith! Fear of something else poisons it!"

"HOW?"

"YOU KNOW HOW!"

He certainly did.

Poor little seven-year old Amelia Pond. Waiting for her madman in a box. Instead all she got was a bundle of broken promises and three psychopaths for a family.

How else was the Doctor gonna destroy her faith in him?

"Yep, distant cousin of the Nimon. They descend on planets and set themselves up as gods to be worshipped. Which is fine, until the inhabitants get all secular and advanced enough to build bonkers prisons."

"Only they didn't build this one." He tapped on the screen. "Look. The funds. The designers."

"…Oh."

The Church of the Silence. Oh, indeed.

"…Not a trap for you then, Doctor. Or for me."

River leaned over the controls. "For whom, then?"

He swallowed. "…For Amy. They wanted her dead."

"Me?"

As one, they all turned.

"But…why me? I mean, I just…"

"Exactly. You just. If you didn't exist, Amy, if you didn't just…it'd be a matter of minutes before the Doctor and I were at each other's throats. Quicker, if I'd actually taken that fire exit. I would've had to watch as the Doctor failed to save you. If I blamed the Doctor for your death, we probably would've gone our separate ways, reducing the risks of me ever regaining my full identity. They obviously weren't prepared for me already being me; one, I probably could've disabled the prison from the outside. And two…they would've known that I would never have left you, Amelia."

She smiled. "I know."

"What I don't understand is…" He turned sideways to look at River. "Why Joe made a particular point of you having a room. Tell me; did you ever find it?"

She said 'no' at exactly the same time Amy said 'yes'.

"…Well, what was it?"

Amy cleared her throat. "It was…the Doctor. Back in…Berlin. Just…lying on the floor."

Because of course it was.

He sighed. "River. River, River, River." He reached over and hugged her, ignoring the way she froze at the touch. "I promise you. I may not be able to tell you much of the future, but I can tell you this: That. Will never happen. Again."

And for just a moment, she was his perfect little girl again. "…You promise?"

"Cross my hearts."

"…Okay."

He smiled. "So. We still haven't seen Ravan-Skala, and I still feel like blowing up something rather large. Onwards, or homewards?"

Amy and River exchanged a look. Amy bit her lip. "I think…home. If you don't mind."

"Right-o. Bit of a breather. We'll save Ravan-Skala for a Wednesday."

The Doctor whined. "But nothing ever happens on Wednesdays!"

Amy punched his arm. "That's kinda the point, Doctor."

"Ouch!" The Doctor rubbed his shoulder. "You're so Scottish sometimes."

Yes, yes she was.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.