Week Two — Part ll
"Can you explain this thing?"
Folding her arms across her chest, she tried to ignore the nervous jitters in her stomach as she met the questioning gaze of her therapist, then darted her eyes to his expansive bookshelf, before settling on him again.
"We dated briefly. It wasn't serious. It was very innocent. We were just…" She shrugged her shoulders and pursed her lips. "Having fun. Then I met Peter and the rest is history."
Adam nodded as he eyed her briefly, then focused back on completing his note.
"So, this thing that you had, has no influence over the current nature of your working relationship?"
"No."
"How about your marriage?"
She bit her lower lip as she felt her abdomen swirl into a storm of trepidation. "No. It does not. Peter's jealousy is making it an issue, making it into something more than it is."
That was all he needed to hear. He nearly jumped from the couch as he swiveled to face her, the force of his movement slightly rocking the legs of the sofa.
"Oh, that's right, my jealousy is why my wife's boss is leaving her voicemails, pouring out his heart."
She looked at him so fast Adam thought she may have caused a sprain in her neck.
"You listened to my voicemails?" Her eyes blinked in disbelief as her mouth hang open in shock. "When?!"
Her failure to deny his accusation only encouraged his jealous rage.
"When you left it in your purse during your firm's gala a few month's ago."
He casually stated the information like he had accidentally mixed the coloreds with the whites while doing laundry.
Her eyes widened. "How dare you!"
Peter rolled his eyes and removed his arm from the back of the chair. "Don't worry. I didn't listen to him pour out his heart to you, but I heard enough."
"I can't believe you," she shook her head, utterly disbelieved. "I honestly can't believe you."
"And I can't believe that he could tell you to jump and I'm positive you won't hesitate to ask how high."
Her nostrils flared as she continued to shake her head. "You're being childish."
"And you're being in denial. You want your boss!"
She inhaled deeply and stared into the ceiling. They wouldn't have this argument again. No. That well had run dry. The problem sat here, on this couch.
"Peter, please," she stated calmer than expected. "Don't do this right now."
He eyed her in confusion, her own calm deportment causing Adam to do a double take. When the finger was pointed at her husband, she didn't refrain from meeting him blow for blow, intent on having the last and winning punch. But when it was on her, she recoiled and instantly diffused the situation.
Taking advantage of this break, Adam poised his pen to the elegantly lined paper and directed his attention on her.
"Alicia, does Peter's anger unsettle you?"
Whipping her hair back with the flick of her head, she tilted her head to the side as her jaw tensed. "Yes. When he gets like this, it's hard to talk to him."
Peter leaned forward and ran a hand over his mouth. "No, what you mean is when I point out a flaw in you, you can't handle it. You can't accept that you might be just as bad as I am."
Adam raised his eyebrows, impressed with the unforeseen observation. "That's an interesting choice of words, Peter. Are you comparing your infidelities to your suspicions that Alicia has romantic feelings for her boss?"
"I know she does," he growled, eyeing her.
Unfolding her hands, she inhaled deeply and looked at him. She uncrossed her legs and leaned into the space between them, showing that she was prepared to meet his jealousy head on.
"Why do you think that, Peter? Why are you so jealous that another man may or may not want me?" He arched his brow at her, the bold choice of words catching him off guard. "Yes," she answered the question she knew he was thinking, "let's be completely honest. That's what this is truly about."
"No. This is about you—"
"No, it's about you! And you thinking that I would continue to be your doormat even after you went out and had sex with whomever you pleased."
"I don't think of you as a doormat, Alicia." He sighed, meeting her defiant eyes. "Yes, I've betrayed you. Yes, I've broken the ultimate vow. I'll admit that gladly. And I may be undeserving to have the gall to feel this way, but I do. You're still my wife. Perhaps it's the innate nature of being a man, of the simple notion that you are mine. But the fact is, as much as you probably hate to admit it…you are mine. I don't want to share you."
For a potted second, she almost softened at his heart felt confession, no matter how jaded it sounded in her ears. But she refused to back down so easily.
Slight veins bulged from her slender neck as she narrowed her eyes on him.
"I'm not your property, Peter. I'm not up for rent to whomever I feel should occupy your premises at a particular time."
Passing a hand over his face, Peter held his head within his hands as he chose not to respond.
Adam processed both their responses, specifically Peter's. It sounded like his form of the ultimate apology, and it didn't phase Alicia in the slightest.
"Peter, is what Alicia said true of how you feel? That your jealousy stems from a place of what-if, of your fears that another might desire her and she may possibly feel the same?"
Leaning up, he reclined slowly back against the chair and folded his arms across his chest. He shifted his attention to his wife, his gaze roaming over her outfit for a second time before looking at Adam.
"Yes," he regretfully admitted. He tucked and untucked his lips, then combed a hand through his hair. "I know I probably have no right to feel that way, but I do. I always have about Alicia. She is my girl. Always will be."
Adam observed his patient as he jogged the recesses of his theoried psychological trained brain, wondering which way to hit him next. Peter Florrick was a very layered man. Even more so than his wife. And if he wasn't careful, he could very well push the wrong button that would end this treatment for good.
"Is it also your fear that Alicia will do what you did to her, with Will?"
His eyes slowly rose to meet Adam's, looking at him as if he had committed the deadliest sin by asking that question. "I don't know." He looked to his wife once again. "Would you do it?"
Lightly laughing, she regarded him in an astounded expression. "What do you want to hear me say, Peter? Yes?!"
"I feel like that's what you want me to say."
She leaned her head to the side, her brows bunched in confusion. "What?"
Licking his lips, his eyes zoned in on her dress once again, not able to resist commenting this time. "You wore that to work?"
She glanced down at her attire, having not a clue where he was going with this.
"Wha—what are you—" She spread her hands in an air of puzzlement. "What?!"
"Your dress." His disapproving orbs slowly traveled over her body. She felt an icy rawness slither down her spine from his intense and burning microscopic exploration. "It's not one of your usual outfits that you wear to work."
Alicia had had enough of this. She wasn't going to waste another hour of feeding his unchecked jealousy.
"Peter, if you're going to make this session about your insecurity over Will, then I suggest we quit wasting Dr. Lewis's time."
"Why? So you can run back to work and let him get a better view of what you wore for him?"
"Stop it," she warned.
He laughed sadistically, the sound resembling an evil scientist from a cartoon she recalled Zach loved watching as a toddler.
"You know what I think?"
Adam and Alicia looked to him like college students on their first day of classes, wide-eyed and alert, desperately waiting to hear what he had to say.
"I think you want me to give you permission to sleep with him. To give you a reason to make us even by permitting you to sleep with the man that signs your paychecks."
She faced him and outstretched her arms, showing him that she had nothing left to give to this fight. It was over. She was throwing in the towel.
"I. Do not. Want. Will. I don't want to sleep with him or anyone else. I don't want any reason to make this marriage worse than it is. I'm here for us. That's it."
He jeered, "Are you sure about that?"
She couldn't believe him. Resting her head in her hand, she breathed deeply, trying to find the patience to continue on and not leave again. Their contest to see who could hurt the other more was wearing her thin. It felt as if he was holding a gun to her head and was waiting for the perfect moment that she would be pushed into that place which would allow him to retract the trigger and fire, no doubt missing.
"Stop it." Her rounded-almond eyes squinted at him in fury. "Now."
"Or what?" he taunted. "You'll do it?"
She couldn't hold back anymore. "Yes, Peter! YES! After I leave here, I'm going to go back to the office and have sex with Will, in this dress!"
He stared long and hard at her, his gaze unwavering as her words echoed in his ears like a bad song.
Adam cleared his throat. He needed to re-gain control. These two were quickly headed down a path of self-destruction.
"Peter."
He didn't look at him, only kept his focus on Alicia, not believing what she just said. His fiery stare sent a shiver down her backbone. She had taken his bait, and bit back. Hard. He couldn't swallow the pill that he had been asking for during the past ten minutes. The rage pumped through him violently, making him want to punch a wall repeatedly, to unleash the internal boiling fury and tear this room apart as if he was Rambo.
"Peter, can you look at me?" Adam repeated. He knew he had officially fallen off the deep end and it would be a challenge to reel him back in.
Reluctantly doing as asked, his low eyes finally met Adam's.
"Tell me what you're feeling," he coached.
Slouching into the seat, Peter smoothed a hand down his neck. "I'm angry as hell."
"Why? Why do you feel so angry?"
Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Because," he paused, "because of what she said. I know, she probably didn't mean it. But it pissed me off."
Adam massaged his temples as he swiftly thought of how to tackle this situation without infuriating him more. "Why do you think Alicia retaliated in that way? Why did she respond in that manner, knowing it would push you over the edge?"
He shrugged as he kneaded the back of his neck. "I don't know."
Adam rubbed his lower lip in a back and forth motion as he carefully thought out his words.
"Do you not realize what just happened? What you unintentionally just did?"
Peter looked at him, wholly clueless.
"Peter, your…jealousy, dominated the disagreement between the two of you and backed Alicia into a corner, forcing her to respond in a way that she repeatedly told you she doesn't feel, but said what you wanted to hear just to pacify you." Adam straightened in his chair as he let his words sink in and prepared himself for what he was sure was going to be round two of Peter's wrath. "Has your jealousy always been quick to get out of control?"
Again, he chose not to answer, feeling again like he did on their last session when Adam focused on his affairs.
"If you feel as if I'm singling you out again, I'm not. Peter, I just want to shed some light on your uncontrolled, yet natural spousal jealousy, so that we can all understand how it's impacting your relationship with Alicia."
He may not have had anything to say, but his wife did, surprising her therapist again with how rapidly she came to his defense. When he was down, she always sought to pick him back up, no matter how many times that he had literally just knocked her to the ground. Was it a sense of loyalty or was it just that natural caretaker in her again?
"Peter's always been…possessive of me." She glanced at him, his hurt but still angered eyes gripped her heart, allowing her to feel that depth of love which threatened to be the catalyst of their obliteration. "Initially, when we were young and dating, I naively found it cute. That he loved me so much he only wanted me to himself."
"I still do," he said lowly.
She closed her mouth at his words, not wanting them to affect her, but they did. She would never tell him, but when he cheated, apart of her confidence died. That feeling of being the sexiest woman in his eyes, of being attractive, of feeling wanted…of being wanted, diminished. When she looked in the mirror, she thought her body was the reason why he sought someone younger and prettier. Someone who's physique was still tight and intact, not having suffered from the experience of bearing children. But when she saw Will look at her that way the first time, the way that Peter used to when they were young and drunk on love, she couldn't stop herself from manipulating words and situations just to get that boost back to her self-confidence again. To reestablish the assurance of her womanhood.
And to hear her husband confess his desire now, a mixture of emotions soared through her as she badly wanted to take his confession to heart, but wouldn't let her guard down.
Adam continued to let them both calm down for a moment as he gathered his notes. Peter's jealousy and rage was something more fitted for a one-on-one session, which he hoped to introduce at some point and get these two to adhere to. They obviously needed it. They had deeper issues than either were willing to admit.
"Peter," he started, "how do you feel now? Are you alright?"
He hesitantly lifted his head. "I'm fine…just," he closed his eyes, "just calming down."
"That's good. At least you can acknowledge when you need to take a step back and breathe." Adam focused back on Alicia. "Let's switch gears and discuss a subject matter that you mentioned last session as well, Alicia."
Her breath had caught in her throat. The unwarranted attention was back on her. She felt like a student whom had been called into the principal's office.
"You mentioned that your grieving gave Peter the ammunition to cheat. Can you explain what you meant by that?"
Her eyes fluttered as she opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her lungs felt as if blocks of cement were weighing them down as tears flooded her eyes. She briefly looked up into the ceiling, and blinked rapidly, pressing her fingers on her lips to try to silence the sobs that wanted to break free.
"I can't," she gasped.
Peter's eyes softened as he reached across the couch and for her hand, grasping it tightly. She didn't pull away. He knew what she was feeling and knew that she had lost all of her strong will to suffer through another emotional analysis today at his simple inquiry.
"Dr. Lewis," his tone was serious, but gentle, "If you don't mind…um, can we discuss this once we're further along in treatment?"
Adam watched Alicia fight the urge not to break down. She shielded her head with her hand as she stared down into her lap, breathing deeply, all the while clasping Peter's hand steadfastly.
Reaching for the box of tissues on the glassed coffee table, he handed it to her. "Of course. That's fine."
Taking the box, her tinted red eyes met his. "Thank you," she hoarsely whispered.
Adam slumped back against his chair, completely stumped. Obviously, whatever it was, they needed to discuss. Not once they were further along, but now. This issue, that had such an emotional hold on her, was clearly a pivotal reason as to why their marriage was in the state that it was in. Peter's cheating was a minor piece of their complicated puzzle.
"Are you alright?" Adam asked her after a moment, after her breathing had slowed and sniffles ceased.
"Yes," she dabbed her eyes.
"Do you feel—do you either of you feel well enough to continue on with therapy today?"
Their emotions clearly had not returned to normal from their first session, nor from the last thirty minutes of skyrocketing to a place they still weren't prepared to handle.
Staring at his quiet wife, that natural feeling to protect her rose as Peter spoke up for them. "Actually, I don't think so." He knew she couldn't handle anymore today. "Would it be a problem if we ended early?"
"No. I would never want to keep you here when you both become so upset that you are unable to cooperate with the treatment." He quickly jotted down a note. "But before I let you go, I would like to ask that you do the first of many exercises we'll try during our time together."
Peter listened intently while Alicia continued to dab at her eyes.
"Considering all that has been shared thus far, I would like each of you to think about one goal and one issue that you want us to work through and towards, to get your marriage back into a harmonious state. Write those down, and bring them next time so we can discuss."
Peter nodded as he rose from the couch. "Will do."
Alicia followed his lead as she balled the tissue into her hands and grabbed her purse, clasping Peter's outstretched hand, and stood. She didn't pull away when he pulled her against his side and rested his hand on her lower back, while guiding them towards the door. In fact, she found it comforting.
Adam saw the small gesture, his mind spinning as he interpreted their once again united front.
"Thank you, Dr. Lewis. See you next week," said Peter.
"Take care."
He watched them disappear from his line of sight with their hands joined, not resembling a couple that knew how to rip the other to shreds and deal lethal blows as they did moments ago, which normally, would push some to divorce. No. Mr. and Mrs. Florrick were certainly each other's achilles heel's. And Adam began to understand that he had only been afforded the teeniest glimpse into this truly fascinating marriage.