"Matt" Gabby called from her bed, the woman not long having woken up.
"I'm coming baby just give me a second" he shouted back.
"Hurry up please, I want to see my babies."
"I know babe, but to do that means I actually need to be wearing clothes" he told her poking his head round the bathroom door.
Gabby had been nagging him to take her down to the NICU since she'd woken up late yesterday evening, the new mother desperate to see her babies but despite her constant pleading and begging this was going to be the first time since they were born that she saw them. Dr Manning had all but banned her from going down last night on account it was way too late in the day. Gabby not having fully woken until gone eleven, and as much as she'd pouted about it then she knew that everyone was just looking out for her.
Matt had spent the night switching out with Antonio and her parents, the four of them making sure that neither the babies nor Gabby were alone for very long during what had turned into a rather long night. The great start that both babies had, had soon turned around midnight when Sebastian joined his sister on being switched to CPAP, the little boy not getting enough oxygen around his body by himself and needing a little help. Although Matt had been given a heads up during one of the hand offs with his in laws seeing both his children with the masks strapped to their faces had upset him immensely and although he knew it was for the best he couldn't help but feel a little resentment for all the other babies that seemed to be doing so much better than his own were.
He knew that there were some conversations to be had throughout the next few days, their daughters condition currently stable but he knew from conversations he'd over heard that no one was sure how long she would stay like that, and in the event of something changing suddenly they all needed to sit down and discuss the action plan. He had already met their daughters cardiologist Dr Baton last night, the man having come in to check on her a little after dinner. He had seemed nice enough and Matt was a pretty good judge of character, he was sure that he could trust this man with his daughter and although Gabby had yet to meet him in person she too had liked what her husband had told her.
"Did Dr Baton say he was going to come check Maddie again today?" she asked, when he walked back into the room. Matt placing his towel over the back of one of the chairs before putting away his wash bag.
"He said he'd be along at some point and to get one of the nurses to page him when we were all there. I think he wants to talk about what happens next."
"Okay" she whispered, her voice betraying her to him the moment the single word left her mouth. He knew she was nervous about everything surrounding their daughter, the entire thing being up in arms even before she was born so early. And he knew she had reservations about Maddie going in for any type of surgery while so little, those reservations creeping in a few times in the quietness of the night when she thought he was sleeping. The man hearing her stifle more than a few sniffles as she let her mind run wild.
"Hey look at me" he said closing the gap between them quickly, "whatever happens I'm going to be right beside you okay? You aren't alone in this, and Maddie isn't either. She has an entire family around her, she has so many people willing her to be okay, how could she not be just fine."
"You don't know that though" she argued a single tear running down her cheek.
"No" he agreed brushing her tears away with his thumb, "but I do know we have to try and believe she will be otherwise we aren't going to be able to function properly and both her and Sebastian deserve to have both their parents present and not lost in a world of maybes and what ifs."
"You're right" she agreed, "of course you are. It's just..."
"Difficult?" he asked, finishing her sentence for her.
"Yeah."
"I know baby and if you want to talk about what was keeping you awake last night we can?"
"You.. you know about that?"
"Of course I do" he told her a small smirk falling onto his face, "I know about the bad dreams, and the hours you lay there crying silently. Your mum told me you had a pretty nasty panic attack?"
Gabby averted her eyes, she'd hoped he wouldn't find out about that, the woman knowing it would only worry him more if he learn't just how she wasn't dealing with everything.
"Gabby?"
"Yeah?"
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about baby, I know you're struggling to understand everything that's happened these past few days. I know you're worried about what the next few days and weeks hold but we are going to get through this I promise. Just like everything else we've ever gotten through we are going to make it past this too and then once we have we are going to have the best life with our little family."
A small smile fell onto his wife's lips as he spoken, her cheeks once again baring the gentle stream of fresh tears. Matt moved his hand to her cheek, Gabby near melting into the feeling of his warm palm against her skin. The action of his thumb tracing across her jaw comforting her more than any words could. She knew he was right, he was always right, it was what she loved most about him. His caring ways and his ability to see the good in every circumstance always filled her with a warm sense of security.
"Shall we go see them now?" He asked after a few minutes, the tension in his wife's body finally dispersing.
"Yes please" she nodded, a genuine smile falling onto her face.
"Come on then."
He helped her into the wheelchair that had been placed in the corner of her room, the husband choosing to ignore the grumbles of how she thought it was completely unnecessary before pulling her blanket off the bed and placing it on her lap. "In case you get cold" he told her softly, placing a kiss to her temple before wheeling her out of the room and down the hall. The walk from her room to the NICU only took a few minutes, both rooms being on opposite sides of the same floor, Matt assumed so that it was easier for mothers and babies to be reunited in these kind of situations.
When they arrived Matt pressed the buzzer, the man telling the woman's voice that came through who they were and who they were here to see before hearing the door click unlocked. "You ready?" He asked pushing her through the now open doorway and towards the sinks.
"More than ready, they'll forget who I am soon."
"I doubt that" he spoke honestly, "No one could ever forget you."
"I am pretty unforgettable" she teased, a slight smug grin coming to her face as her words were meet with a small chuckle from her husband.
The two new parents washed their hands quickly before putting on the plastic gowns required and moving towards the incubators in the far corner. Camila and Ramon both stood next to them in the middle of a feed.
"Hey" Gabby said softly as they approached, neither of her parents having seen them yet, the older Dawson's completely focused on their grandchildren in front of them.
"Good morning sweetheart" Camila said turning to face her, a warm grin on her face. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm good Mama, honestly. I know it was rough night but I'm okay."
Camila gave a short nod, the woman aware that her daughter wasn't going to give her anymore than that at the minute. "Well these two had a good morning so far, they both had a diaper change and this is their first feed. I hope neither of you mind us doing this?"
"Of course not" Matt spoke, the man giving his mother in law a soft reassuring smile. "Has anyone been in to do rounds yet?"
"No not yet, the nurses said that the cardio team were coming down later and that Dr Manning had left a message to say she'd be dropping by at some point too." Ramon told them, the older Dawson man finishing up the fed for Sebastian before stepping over and wrapping his daughter up in a gentle hug.
"Do you think I'll be able to hold them?" Gabby asked, her gaze falling upon her husband, the man already stood beside their sons bed.
"I don't see why not, let me just check." He told her moving towards one of the nurses. "Hey Jose, is it alright if we get the twins out, Gabby wants a cuddle with them."
"Casey hey" the young red head greeted, the nurse having been allocated to the twins at the last hand over recognising him at once. "Yeah I don't see that as being an issue, let me help you get them out and settled."
The two walked the short distance back towards the family, Gabby flashing a small smile at the nurse who seemed to already have a relationship with the other members of the small family around her.
"Jose this is my wife Gabby" Matt introduced, the younger woman holding out her hand to greet her. "Gabby this is Jose, she's the twins nurse today so anything we need she's our girl."
"It's nice to met you" Gabby spoke accepting the hand that was extended in her direction. "How are they doing?"
"They are both little diamonds, Sebastian gave us a little fright in the early hours but he's been doing amazingly since going on the CPAP, and Maddie is such a little cutie. She barely cries, last night when I did handover she was wide awake, she happily lay there waiting for her feed. And she slept pretty well too."
"That's good to hear" Gabby said smiling as Matt placed Sebastian into her waiting arms, the mother adjusting her shirt so that she could get skin to skin contact with her son, while Jose worked on getting Maddie out and over to her join them. "And how's Maddie's pressures doing?"
"So far so good, she's not working any harder than a normal prem baby of her gestation. And so far we've not had any surprises with her feeding or breathing. We'll know more when cardio come down to check her over but as far as we are concerned in here we don't have any worries at the moment."
"Thank you" she smiled, the genuine look of contentment never leaving her face as she moved her attention to the two sleeping babies against her chest. "Hey babies, it sounds like you two are doing really well. Did you miss mummy? She missed you, I'm sorry I haven't been here with you but mummy's been a little poorly. I know you had daddy, abulea and abuleo over night and daddy told me you'd already met Auntie Shay and Uncle Kelly. They are a bit crazy aren't they but they love you so much, we all do."
Everyone's eyes were trained on the new mother, the gentle softness she held not being missed by any of them as she continued her conversation with her children. The two peacefully unaware of anything around them. Matt pulled her blanket up over the three of them, placing a soft kiss to each of their heads before whispering in Gabby's ear so only she could hear him. "I love you so much, you are amazing."
She nuzzled her head against his chin, the woman's actions saying everything she needed them too as the four of them settled in a peaceful silence.
"We're going to get out of here for a bit, go get some rest and a change of clothes" Camila spoke up after ten minutes. The older Dawson woman wanting to give the new parents some space with their children, her husbands gaze finding hers as she flashed him a smile.
"I think we're good thank you Mama, thank you for coming and spending the night."
"Of course baby, anything you two need you let us know okay. We know this can't be easy, having them both in here while you're down the hall. We will be back later to see you all. Just call if you need us before we are back."
"Thank Camila" Matt spoke, pulling his mother in law into a tight hug. "We will."
After a few more goodbyes Matt and Gabby were alone, the two settling in for the morning with their children. Gabby still with both of them resting on her chest covered by her blanket.
The rest of their morning had been spent like the first part had, Gabby getting in some much needed skin to skin with both her children together and separately, Matt having taken Maddie off her hands after around half an hour. The little girl beginning to fuss a bit, her little feet bouncing on Gabby sensitive stomach, and although she was more than happy to suffer the discomfort it brought her husband had made her hand her over once he'd noticed the grimace on her face.
A little while before noon Jose had come to tell them they needed to allow the twins to go back into the incubators, explaining how their fragile skin couldn't handle such long periods out side of the moisture the little box provided for them. And although neither one of them wanted to give up the cuddles they had been enjoying they happily obliged when it was explained to them how important it was.
"You okay?" Matt asked noticing his wife stiffing the third yawn in a few minutes.
"I'm good" she assured him, her tired eyes shining back at him.
"You sure you look exhausted?"
"I'm a little tired but it's nothing big, just a little while longer please" she pleaded, seeing the look that flashed across his face.
Sighing to himself he agreed, "five more minutes" he said knowing how much she struggled being away from them.
"Thank you" she murmured before resuming her gentle singing. It was something she had been doing on and off all morning, the soft tone of her voice calming both babies when they had begun to fuss or show any signs of crying. Matt swore that the more he watched her with them the more his heart swelled. The sight of her with them one he was sure he would never grow tired of.
"Mr and Mrs Casey" a unfamiliar voice spoke from behind them, Matt noticing a team of doctors filing in behind his wife's wheelchair.
"That's us" Matt said pushing himself up out of his chair.
"I'm Doctor Alexander, I work with Dr Baton and will be on your daughters cardiology team. I understand Dr Baton said we'd be coming by to speak with you?" He asked, his eyes travelling across the two incubators and the woman sat in front of him. Gabby's body tensing as she heard him speak. She'd known this conversation was coming, that at some point they were going to have to discuss the plan for their daughter but she didn't think she'd ever be ready for it and the morning had be so good, she didn't really want anything tainting that.
"Yes, yes he did. Is he not joining us?" Matt asked, his eyes trailing around the team behind Dr Alexander.
"He was called to surgery so unfortunately won't be joining us at the moment, but we can talk you through everything if you're both okay with that? I have been involved in all the meetings and between the two of us we will be leading your daughters care."
"Yes that will be fine with me." He said, his eyes darting to Gabby, the woman still not having moved since they were first introduced. "Gabs? Is that okay with you?"
She gave a short nod, the nerves radiating off her body not going unmissed by him as he flashed the doctor a sad smile before crouching down in front of her. "Baby look at me?" he said waiting for her eyes to met his, "if you can't do this right now I can ask them to come back later. I know it's a lot."
"I'm okay" she tried to assure him but her voice was filled with doubt.
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "It's not going to change how I feel if we do it now or if we do it later. I'm still going to be nervous about this whole thing, it's better to just rip the band aid off now, hear what the plan is and then I.. we can deal with what that means."
"Okay" he said after a few minutes, his eyes tracing over her face searching for any sign she wasn't ready for this but he found none. He found worry, and concern and a sense of sadness but nothing that told him she couldn't deal with this, that they couldn't deal with this conversation. "Do we do this here or?" Matt asked looking up at the doctor.
"Wherever you two are comfortable is good" he responded flashing a reassuring smile to Gabby.
"Can we do it here?" she asked, a timidness to her voice that Matt wasn't used to hearing.
"Of course" Doctor Alexander said moving around to face her, "if you want to do this here we can."
"I do."
"Okay, can someone get us some extra seats please" he asked the trail of doctors behind him. "Now this isn't the team, these are some students. So first of all I have to ask if you're both okay with them being present?"
"I'm okay with it" Gabby responded instantly her hand reaching for Matt's, her husband giving it to her willingly.
"Me too" Matt agreed.
"Okay then" the doctor told them sitting himself down, the students all filing in behind them. "So as you know your daughter.."
"Maddie" Gabby said, "her name is Maddie."
"Maddie" he corrected nodding his head in understanding. "Sorry I didn't mean to not use her name, Maddie has transposition of the great arteries, meaning that her oxygenated blood flow is decreased, now as I'm sure you are aware she's been doing very well since birth which is very reassuring and from the ultrasound we did last night we can see she was born with a small VSD, now usually we would want to close that up as soon as possible, in a typically baby having a VSD is not a ideal situation, but in Maddie's case it is helping her stay stable which means we can wait for her to grow a little before doing anything. Now as I know you were told, she will need something called a arterial switch. Basically what that means is we are going to rewire her heart so that it works properly, for now we aren't certain when that will be but it is likely to be within the next few days possibly a week depending on how well she is doing."
"Okay" Matt said the realness of the situation hitting him full force. He knew it was coming, the new parents having been told this would happen, he shared a glance with his wife, her watery eyes shining back at him holding so much pain and sadness.
"Ideally we want her to be over five pounds before we operate, but I doubt she'll have gained that much before it becomes a priority. For now she is stable and doing really well, better than any of us had anticipated but that can change at any minute and we need to be prepared, there are teams on stand by ready to act as soon as the need becomes a reality."
"What does the operation involve?" Gabby asked quietly, the paramedic in her needed to know, but the mother in her was petrified to hear what her little girl would have to go through. It wasn't something that had been spoken about much, none of the doctors so far had gone into much detail about the surgery side of this condition. Instead they'd focused on getting her here safely and preparing for the worst case scenarios at birth. Now they were here Gabby felt a need to know everything about the surgery they were going to perform on her daughter, the new mother wanting no detail left out.
"It's a complex surgery, first of all we will need to stop your daughters heart and put her on a bypass machine. Once she is safely on by pass we will work to detach the pulmonary artery and aorta from their native roots and reattached them to the opposite roots, this will mean that the right value is connected to the right chamber, at that point we will have rewired her heart to the correct positions and in theory be ready to restart her heart and take her of bypass." Dr Alexander explained, the man drawing on the piece of paper in front of him to further explain the procedure to them.
"And how long will it take?" Matt asked.
"Anywhere between six and eight hours."
Both parents gave each other small smile, the gesture meant to calm each others nerves but it did nothing. Gabby feeling that all to familiar hotness spread over her body as her breathing became laboured. The thought of her baby girl being in surgery that long causing hot bile to rise up inside her throat as she began to lose control of her emotions. Her hands were becoming clammy and she need air, her eyes darting towards her husband in an attempt to tell him what she needed.
"Gabby" Matt said sensing her panic, "baby focus on me, come on its okay, she's going to be okay." He moved to crouch in front of her, trying his hardest to keep his own fear and worry hidden from her, he knew if he let it show it would only increase her panic ridden state. The man having experienced enough of her panic attacks to know exactly what she need in that moment. She was slipping he could see that, her breathing giving her away. She wasn't coping and having so many people around her wasn't helping either.
"Can you give us a minute" he asked looking up at the several pairs of eyes on them.
"Of course" Dr Alexander said standing up from his seat, "everyone give them some space please. Mr Casey I'll be over by the desk when you're ready."
"Thank you."
Dr Alexander waved him off as he directed his students away from them, Matt happy to be able to completely focus on his wife rather than worrying about everyone watching.
"You're okay baby, can you feel my heart?" he asked moving her hand to his chest, a small nod being given by the woman in front of him as a form of response. "Try and focus on that, that's it tap to the beat." He told her when he felt her fingers gentle tapping against him.
Slowly she began to calm down, the tears streaming down her face slowly coming to a complete stop as her breathing evened out. Her eyes refocusing as she became acutely aware of what had just happened and where. "Matt" she murmured once she'd found her voice again.
"I'm right here baby" he told her, resting his arms on her knees. "I'm right here."
"I'm sorry."
"Hey, hey none of that. You just got a bit overwhelmed that's all. This whole thing is a lot, I'm right here though, you've got nothing to be scared of."
Gabby shook her head, "I'm so scared, she's tiny Matt. This operation is huge."
"It is" he agreed sadly, "but we have to trust the doctors here, we both know she needs this surgery. And you heard Dr Alexander she's doing really well at the moment."
"I know, logically I know all those things but she's our baby Matt, she's tiny and I hate the thought of her going into that cold sterile environment without one of us. I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling.."
Matt nodded, he understood what she meant, there were several different emotions flooding his own system at the minute and as much as he loved his children, as much as his bond with them was unbreakable he knew that there was absolutely nothing like a mothers love. That no matter how much anyone could love a child, the mother would always love them more. It was just nature and the way it was. So he knew whatever he was feeling was only amplified for her.
"We're going to get through this Gabby, all of us together."
She didn't give a verbal response the woman leaning forwards and capturing his lips in a deep kiss, the two only separating when air became a priority.
"You okay to continue?" he asked after a few quiet minutes. Casey's eyes tracing over his wife's features watching for any sign that she wasn't ready.
"I'm good" she told him with a small peck.
"Okay, I'm going to go get Dr Alexander but I'm going to ask that it's only him that returns."
"Matt.."
"No Gabby" he cut her off knowing exactly what she was about to say, "just the doctor."
She nodded in answer, the woman knowing there was no point in arguing with him about it, after what had just happened she was surprised he was going to allow her to continue the conversation at all. Matt gave her a small smile while pushing himself up off her knees, the man walking the short distance towards the nurses table to get the doctor. Gabby's focus returning to that of her sleeping children in front of her.
The rest of the conversation went well, both parents being able to ask as many questions as they needed to as Dr Alexander went through every little detail of the procedure and recovery time. Gabby was shocked to hear that they would leave Maddie's chest open for forty eight hours after surgery to allow for the drains they would need to attach. The doctor explaining that after such a major surgery it was likely that there would be some swelling and excess bleeding, that the drains would help combat. He explained that another reason the chest was left open was because it gave them quicker access in the event of any complications.
"What kind of complications?" Gabby asked, the fear back in her eyes.
"It isn't uncommon for the patient to express some respiratory distress but we will be keeping a very close eye on Maddie. She will be placed on a ventilator straight after surgery and be kept on that for up to a week. Once she's off that we can start to introduce milk again and hopefully before long she will have made a full recovery. Obviously there are risks of infections and because of that you won't be able to remove her from her incubator for a little while and we will have to put her in a side room."
"Can Sebastian be in there with her?" Gabby asked.
"We can put them both in a side room, but that does mean that no other visitors other than you two will be permitted."
"That's fine, I just don't want them separated.
"Then that is what we will do." Dr Alexander told her, "Anything to make this process a little easier for you all we can accommodate. I'll start getting the arrangements in place for them to be moved into a side room as soon as possible, that way there won't be any delay in getting them back together after the surgery."
"Thank you doctor" Matt responded the gratefulness in his voice shining through.
"No need to thank me, this is a difficult time for everyone and we will do everything to make it a little easier." He told him with a nod, "Now, I know Dr Manning doesn't want you out of bed for too long and I've already taken up a lot of your time. If you think of any other questions please just ask a nurse to page either me or Dr Baton, we will both be more than happy to answer anything that may pop up."
"Thank you" Gabby said reaching out her hand to shake his again.
"Get some rest Mrs Casey, and I know this is easier said than done but try not to worry."
After a few more pleasantries the two were left alone, their minds swimming with all of the information they had just been given. Matt glanced at the clock, the man sighing when he realised just how long they had been down here for.
"Gabs" he spoke gently, the woman already focused on their children once more.
"Yeah?"
"It's past lunch baby, we need to get you back to your room and you need to eat."
She opened her mouth to argue but after catching his gaze decided against it, she knew she wasn't pregnant anymore but that wouldn't change the fact that he expected her to eat a decent amount of food at regular intervals.
"Okay" she agreed, a satisfied grin spreading across her husbands face.
"We can come back later once you've had a nap." He told her, kissing her head gently while manoeuvring around the back of the wheelchair and releasing the break.
"How she doing?" Antonio asked from his position just outside the glass door. The older Dawson having arrived twenty minutes previously, him and Casey stepping out of the room to allow Gabby to rest peacefully, the woman still napping after their long morning in the NICU.
"Stubborn" Casey answered rubbing his hand across his brow. "She didn't want to come back to her room earlier, I'm sure she was about to argue with me about it but thought better of it. She's exhausted and everything with Maddie is just making it all worse, she's worried and scared but trying to put on this brave face. Not that its very convincing. She had a panic attack earlier and your mum said she had one in the night too."
"Do you think it would be worth getting the Chaplin or Dr Charles to speak to her?" Antonio asked his words laced in concern.
Matt shrugged "I honestly don't know. I thought about suggesting it but.. "
"But what?"
"You know how stubborn she is and I really don't want us getting into a fight right now."
"I know but maybe you're just going to have to bite the bullet there" the older man spoke truthfully, his gaze flicking back to the figure in the bed. "Gabby she's as stubborn as they come but sometimes that means she doesn't look out for herself or her own well being. She'll focus all her energy on the babies and forget about herself if she's allowed to. You know that as much as I do."
Matt nodded in understanding, he knew his brother in law was right. Gabby was already focusing all her energy on the babies, the woman making off handed comments throughout the day about only eating for their benefit and because they needed to eat. She'd gone as far as refusing any pain medication not wanting the relief if it was going to mess with her milk for them. Matt had ended up getting Dr Manning paged to come and speak with Gabby when he couldn't get through to her, the woman set in her mind that she could deal with a little bit of pain if it meant that her babies could been exclusively breastfed. She'd even tried to argue with the doctor and hadn't backed down until she'd been shown the evidence that the medication was perfectly safe for her to take.
"I know, I'll talk to her if it starts becoming a problem." Antonio gave him a look, the look that Casey had become accustomed to from his wife, the look that told him that his brother in law didn't fully agree with the decision to wait. "Okay, I'll talk to her later alright?"
"I don't mean to tell you how to deal with this but we've both seen how quickly she can spiral recently and I just don't want her running off again like she did last time."
"I know" Matt said rubbing his hand across his brow, "I'll talk with her."
He knew his brother in law was right, Gabby had for the most part dealt with things well during the pregnancy but it hadn't always been that way and the last thing either of them needed right now was her running from her problems again. Images of the day they found out she was pregnant flashed through his mind as he remembered how helpless he had felt in that moment he found her missing, how many signs of her being in distress he had missed up until that point and how he had sworn to himself he would never again let her spiral so badly, how he would always try and catch her before she fully fell down that rabbit hole once more. He knew she wasn't dealing with this, the whole birth and upcoming surgery making her more nervous than she was letting on and if the increase in her panic attacks told him anything it was that she was already in that downward battle with her emotions and losing.
He knew he needed to remain strong for her, he needed to do what their relationship allowed and take charge, make her speak to someone before the battle became too much and she began to freak out completely. The husband knowing that the only thing not dealing with this right now would do was make the whole situation worse. Madeline was going in for surgery, they all knew it was coming and there was nothing anyone could do about it. But what could be done was helping Gabby through her emotions about it, helping her come to terms with the undoubtedly helpless feeling she was currently experiencing. He wasn't sure who was better for her to talk to, the Chaplin or Dr Charles, both had helped her in equal ways over the years but who would be best in this circumstance he had no idea. It was a conversation they had to have, a decision they needed to make together, and whatever they decided he would be there right by her side.
"Thank Antonio."
"What for?"
"Talking some sense into me, I knew that I needed to do something but I've been in denial about it. After everything that happened yesterday I've just been trying to keep everything calm and I've kinda let her run the show. But I know if I do that for too long it never ends well."
"My sister is stronger than you think Matt I promise. Just have faith in your relationship with her and faith that she trusts you more than herself at times."
"You're right" Matt agreed, the two men falling into a comfortable quiet together, both of them completely focused on Gabby's sleeping form in front of them.
It was a little after five that evening before Matt and Gabby returned to her room again, the two having made their way back down to the NICU for the later part of the afternoon. Gabby having gotten a couple of hours rest in before waking and saying she wanted to be back with the babies. Her dinner of chicken and potatoes had just arrived and so far she'd pushed the food around her plate more than she'd attempted to eat it.
"Gabby what's wrong?" Matt asked as she picked at the piece of chicken on her plate.
"Nothing, I'm fine!" She snapped, her temper having been getting worse all afternoon and although he had a very good idea as to why she was so snappy she had been yet to confirm it for him.
"You are not fine and I don't appreciate your tone."
"Oh you don't appreciate my tone" she repeated sarcastically. "Well tough because I'm mad and I don't care how you feel right now."
"Gabriela!" he warned.
"What?"
"Enough, speak to me and tell me what it is bothering you."
"Why don't you ask Antonio?" she spat, rolling her eyes at him. "You two seem to be more than happy to discuss what is best for me."
"I'm sorry?" he asked his eyebrows raising dramatically.
"I heard you earlier, Gabby's stubborn, Gabby isn't dealing with her emotions, Gabby needs to speak to someone."
Matt sighed, apparently she hadn't been as asleep as they had thought during their earlier conversation at the door. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Because apparently you two have all the answers to what I need right now."
"Gabby please, we weren't saying we have all the answers.."
"It certainly sounded like it" she said rolling her eyes again, "Just because I've been upset doesn't mean I'm going to run again. And I can't believe you spoke to my brother about it instead of coming to me."
"Baby, I know it must have felt like we were deciding everything for you but you gotta believe me when I say it's only because we are worried about you. You can't tell me you are dealing with this whole thing.."
"I'm dealing with it Matt, yes I've had some bad dreams and some panic attacks but that doesn't mean I need to be shipped off to the shrink again. And you know how much I hate it when you talk to people behind my back." Her voice was dripping in anger, he could see that she was upset about the whole thing and he hated that his actions had caused her to react like this.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't think you were awake."
"And that makes it any better?" she snapped anger radiating off her body, "The fact isn't whether I was asleep or not, it's that once again you went behind my back and spoke to my brother about me instead of coming to me. Yes I'm scared! I'm so fucking scared that something is going to go wrong and we're going to lose our daughter. Aren't you?"
"I am Gabby, I'm scared too."
"So are you going to start seeing a shrink too?" She asked her voice dripping in venom the more she spoke. "Or am I the only one that needs to be handled with the crazy gloves?! Because last time I checked you aren't dealing with any of this any better than I am."
"Gabby, I'm not the one that has had many breakdowns over the past year."
"So we're back at that are we, we're back at me being mentally unstable in your eyes."
"I never said that" he tried, Matt desperate to calm her down, the last thing she needed was a fight right now but the more he spoke the worse it seemed to get.
"You don't have to, I know that's what you all think. That I'm so fucking weak that I'm going to break over this, that I won't be able to cope. When the only thing I can't cope with right now is being spoken about behind my back!"
He could see that they weren't going to get anywhere, her temper was short and his was beginning to thin. Usually by now she'd have been held accountable for the tone she was using, in the past he wouldn't have cared where they were she would have found her way across his knee and that would be the end of it. But he couldn't do that right now, not after everything she'd been through and truthfully he didn't want to. As much as her yelling at him was completely against everything they had agreed he was relived to see her finally letting her emotions out, even if they were coming out like this. He knew a lot of the anger behind her words wasn't actually directed at his and Antonio's conversation earlier, it was everything. The premature birth, the complex pregnancy, the complications she'd endured, the set backs both babies had, had in the last twenty four hours and most importantly the huge black cloud that was hanging above them right now. The black cloud that was Maddie's condition and surgery.
"Look I'm sorry we upset you, I am. I didn't intend for you to hear everything that was said and I'm sure Antonio wasn't. We are worried about you and if you need to yell at me then yell, get it all out of your system now because this is your only chance to speak to me like this. I understand you're scared, and you're frustrated, I understand that you wish you could take it all away and magically Madeline wouldn't have to go into surgery. I get it I do. But this right here, the way you've just blown up over this, this is what needed to happen. This is exactly what I think you need, a venting block and as much as I'm allowing you to shout and scream at me right now, it's not what our relationship allows for. Unless you want to change that?"
"No, I don't" she spat crossing her arms across her chest protectively.
"So if you want us to keep our rules in place, you need somewhere safe to vent so that we can talk through things calmly. So that you can release this pent up anger inside of you without causing problems between us. And if you want me there in the room, then we can do it together. We can throw whatever we need to in those sessions, let us say and act however we need to. But Gabby I can't be the only venting block here, not when this is affecting me just as much as it is you. We will destroy each other if we only lean on each other and not everyone around us, especially if this is how the conversations are going to go, if we are going to get into a fight each time it won't do ether of us any good. I can't and won't let that happen, I won't let this destroy what we have."
"I know you're right" she said her anger dissipating slightly, "I know what you're saying is true. I'm sorry I yelled at you, this isn't your fault and I do understand why you spoke to Antonio. I probably would have reacted this way if you had brought this to me either way. But Matt, please in future come to me first, don't keep going to my brother."
"I know, and like I told him this was what I was trying to avoid but it won't do either of us any good to bottle this all up. Now in regards of who we speak with it is up to you. I'm easy with whichever way you chose to go but we need to speak to someone."
"We?" she questioned her guard dropping further, the soft tone of her voice a complete one eighty to what it had been moments prior. The woman slowly realising that as difficult as she was finding this whole thing, her husband was also finding it just as rough. And without them seeking help, the grief and emotions surrounding the loss of pregnancy time and normal experiences surrounding the birth, the emotions and pent up tension about Maddie's surgery was all going to rip them apart from the inside out. They couldn't let that happen and if that meant going back to the Chaplin or Dr Charles then so be it.
"Yes Gabby, we. We are in this together, and we will deal with it together. I love you, I love you so so much" He told her approaching the bed slowly, his arms wrapping around her tense form. He was happy to feel her relax into him, Matt unsure how his gesture of comfort was going to be received by his wife who had been so angry such a short time ago.
"I love you too" she whispered against him, her tears breaking free as the two of them dealt with their emotions for the first time since their children had been born.
"So can we talk about speaking with someone?"
"I think it's the right choice, both of us are obviously harbouring a lot about this whole thing. I'm sorry Matt, I shouldn't have blown up at you like that."
"It's okay baby, honestly this one time I completely understand why you did" he told her kissing her head, "but just so we're clear it's not something that can keep happening, next time they'll be consequences understood?"
"Crystal" she smiled, settling her head against his chest, both parents taking some much needed comfort from each others embrace.
So things are beginning to get real in the terms of Maddie's condition and soon we will see how Gabby and Matt deal with that all. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please if you can leave me a comment to let me know what you thought? :) Stay safe guys.