Hey guys, I hope you are all well and keeping safe. This chapter is kinda a short one and for that I apoligise, I did think about moving the beginning of the next chapter over to the end of this one to make it a bit longer, but the next one is kinda one long one and didn't have anywhere for me to cut it without it seeming unfinished. So yeah this one just leads us into the next.

Let me know what you think :)

"All your blood work looks great Gabby, no sign of any infection and your wound sites seem to be healing really well." Dr Manning said moving away from the bed and removing her gloves. "How are you feeling? Any more nausea?"

"Not really" Gabby said, glancing towards her husband, the wife being met by a hard glare from him, "a little" she corrected, "but it's not as bad as it was in the first few days, I think maybe some of it was the pain medication because the less I'm taking, the less times I'm getting over come with it."

"It could be but I want you to keep an eye on it, nausea and excessive tiredness could all be indicators of infection and even though your blood work is clear today it doesn't mean that something couldn't creep up especially after you get home."

"So she can come home today?" Matt asked hopefully.

"She can, but I have some rules."

Gabby sighed, she had known it was coming, that being discharged didn't mean that she was fully recovered from the birth and the complications she had experienced a week a go but she was hoping to at least be able to get back to some form of normality. Well as normal as things can be with having two babies still in the NICU, the last week had been something of whirlwind for the new parents, between the unexpected early arrival and everything surrounding the birth and then Maddie's unexpected wellness, to Sebastian having some pretty big set backs along the way, the little boy having caught a cold at only two days old that had rapidly turned into a chest infection which needed treating with antibiotics, she needed some normal in her life right now. And although she wasn't naive to the fact that her new normal would be nothing to what she or Matt were used to, she really was hoping to go home and start to prepare for the babies to come home. Even though she knew they were a fair few weeks off that just yet.

"I know it isn't much fun" Dr Manning told her sympathetically "but you do need to take it easy, your body went through a major trauma and its going to take a little while before you are back to full mobility and full fitness. No exercising at all, that includes long walks, your body needs to heal and anything over stertorous could prevent it doing what it needs to."

"Further more and I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be an issue anyway considering the difficulty I had getting you to take pain medication but no alcohol until at least your eight week check up."

"Yeah that's not going to be an issue" Gabby agreed a slight bit of sarcasm to her voice, a tone that hadn't gone unheard by her husband, the look on his face telling her to quit while she was ahead.

It had been something that had been happening a lot since her first blow up the day after the twins were born, Dawson apparently finding it difficult to keep a lid on her varying emotions resulting in her either snapping at people or speaking to them in a sarcastic tone. Something that she had been warned about on more than one occasion by Matt, her husband reminding her that just because he couldn't and wouldn't give her a full spanking right now there were a number of other unpleasant punishments he could administer. And although she had managed to avoid anything coming from those warnings as of yet, she knew she was treading a very thin line with it.

"Anything else?" Gabby asked quietly, trying her hardest to be a little more respectful as she spoke.

"I don't want you driving, and you shouldn't be lifting anything overly heavy for the time being either. Basically nothing more than a kettle. I know you didn't end up with a c section but you still had a massive bleed and the surgery we performed to control that will have left your abdominal muscles weakened, I don't want you taking any chances with the recovery from that."

"So no driving, no exercising, no drinking and no lifting?" She asked.

"Yup, sorry. I know it's going to be rough and that you're a very active person but the last thing either of you need is a trip back to the hospital, and it won't help Maddie or Sebbie if you land back here."

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. Matt tapped his fingers against her hand twice, the action telling her she was on strike two and one more time would be costing her dearly.

"I'm sorry Gabby I really am. But it's for your own good, you will be no use to anyone if you push too quickly."

"Okay" Dawson reluctantly agreed, the woman knowing better than pushing any further. Dr Manning flashed her a sympathetic smile, the doctor knowing that what she was asking was tough especially for someone as active as Gabriela Dawson Casey.

Dr Manning started towards the door, the woman bringing back in a wheelchair before speaking again, "one last thing Gabby." Her low voice making both parents look up at her expectantly. "As much as I know you want to be here every hour of every day, you can't. I'm not going to put a time limit on it but please be careful and try not to get too wrapped up in not being here. If your body is telling you to rest for the day then do that. Listen to your body, and listen to Matt." She told her sternly, the doctor turning to look at Casey before continuing "I trust you to keep her within her limits, but make sure you also take time for yourself. This isn't over yet. Maddie's surgery is next week and it is going to take a lot out of you. Emotionally it's going to be a tough week, did you talk more about speaking with someone?"

"We did" Matt confirmed nodding his head, "we have a appointment with the Chaplin two days from now and I've already booked one for the days either side of Maddie's surgery."

"I think he said he may even come to the hospital that day" Gabby added.

"Yeah I think he did" Matt smiled, "said he'd been around if we needed him to be."

"Okay, just remember that you can ask as many questions as you like at any point, try not to bottle it all up and lean on each other."

"Thank you Dr Manning." Gabby responded, a gentle smile resting on her face as she watched her husband pack up the last few things in the room.

"Okay, I'm going to let you guys get out of here and I'll see you in clinic for your six week check but I'm sure I'll see you before that with you coming up to see the twins."

"Thank you" Matt said reaching his hand out and shaking the doctors, "for everything, I don't think we would have got through all of this without you."

"Nothing to thank me for" she said brushing off the compliment, "go get outta here." she smiled.

"You don't need to tell me twice" Gabby joked moving into the wheelchair waiting for her.

Gabby sat on the couch her feet resting on the coffee table as the end of the movie played. They'd been home about an hour before Matt had got a call from Boden, the chief apologising for disturbing them but asking if he could pop to the firehouse quickly, Matt was unsure whether or not he should go but when Gabby assured him she'd be okay and told him that Shay had said she was going to swing by he reluctantly went. That had been two hours ago and he still wasn't home. The two paramedics having settled in for a quiet afternoon watching some chick flicks and enjoying each others company. She moved to pick her phone back up from the side of the seat, the woman's eyes furrowing slightly when she noticed there was still no word from her husband despite the several texts and calls she given him over the past hour.

"Still nothing?" Shay asked returning from the kitchen two bottles of water in her hand and Gabby's pain medication.

"No, I'm not sure why he hasn't responded but it's beginning to worry me."

"I'm sure it's nothing" she told her handing her the tablets and a bottle of water, "here take these, don't want Matt banning me from sitting with you." she added jokingly.

"Thanks, do you mind if I close my eyes for a bit?"

"No of course not, you feeling okay?" Shay asked a worried look flashing across her face.

"I'm okay just tired and I know Matt won't let me go back to see the twins later if I don't rest now."

"Sure, I'll just entertain myself for a bit, you get some rest." Shay told her helping her lie down and pulling the throw from the back of the couch over her.

"Thanks Shay."

Shay busied herself with straightening up the place a little while Gabby slept. The new mother having been out like a light the minute her eyes had closed, she knew she was tired but it had surprised her to see her easily fall asleep, especially when Matt wasn't home yet.

Placing the last glass into the dishwasher she heard the front door open, the blonde looking up to see Matt coming in through the front door.

"Hey" she spoke quietly approaching him, "everything okay?"

"Yeah yeah it's all good." He said brushing her off, "sorry that took so long chief needed to sort paperwork out for my leave and it took a lot longer than we thought it would." He bent down to release the laces on his boots before slipping them off and placing them on the shoe rack "is Gabby sleeping?"

"Yeah she's been out about an hour or so now." Shay replied looking over to her sleeping form on the couch. "She took her meds and had some water before passing out."

"Did she eat?"

"No she said she wasn't hungry."

Matt shook his head, it had become an issue again, getting Gabby to eat and he knew he needed to keep a close eye on it before it spiralled out of control. "Okay, thanks Shay."

"No worries, anytime you need me to pop by I'm more than happy to do so." She gave him a quick hug, pulling back almost as quickly as she'd wrapped her arms around him "I'm going get outta here leave you two to get settled in."

"Okay, thanks again."

"Bye Casey" she said, walking past him and out the front door. Matt securing it in place with a turn of the lock.

Turning back into the room he could see that Shay had been busy, at first glance he spotted she had set the dishwasher on a cycle and he was pretty sure if he went to the utility room he'd find the washing machine going to.

Although she definitely didn't have to clean up for them he was happy that she had. The man not having been home much since Gabby's waters had originally broke and when he had returned it had been no longer than a few minutes. Matt more often than not dumping the dirty bag somewhere before refilling it with clean clothes and returning to the hospital. And the past week he'd barely even done that, there once pristine house displaying the effects the early birth had, had on the couple.

"You're home" Gabby said sleepily pushing herself up to sitting. A involuntary groan leaving her lips as her body protested at the sudden movement.

"I am. I'm sorry that took so long there was some paperwork chief needed me to fill out." He told her approaching the couch. Gabby swing her legs round making room for him to sit next to her before placing them on top of his lap.

"Everything okay?" She questioned nervously.

"Yeah everything's good it's just with the twins coming early we hadn't had time to fill in the family leave forms. And you know what headquarters are like, some big dog was pushing for it." He told her gently, his hand tracing up and down her covered leg. "Shay said you got a long nap in, do you feel okay?"

"I'm just tired babe, but I do feel a bit better now."

"Ready for some dinner?" He asked, his eyes meeting hers as he waited for her to respond.

"Not really, I was thinking I may take a bath and then we can go back to see the twins?" She said, her lip falling between her teeth.

"Gabby, you haven't eaten since breakfast."

"I.."

He held his hand up to her the minute her mouth opened to speak, "don't even think about lying to me." He told her sternly. "I already know you haven't eaten since getting home."

"I wasn't going to lie" she whispered diverting her eyes from him. In truth she had been about to tell him she'd eaten when he was out, she knew, he knew that she was too, that's why he'd stopped her.

"Gabriela you were! So don't tell me you weren't, you know better than to try and lie to me. Do you need a reminder in telling the truth?" He asked, his stern voice making her shake her head vigorously at him.

"No sir."

"Good!" He said reaching for her chin effectively forcing her to look at him, "so I will ask you again are you ready for some dinner?"

"Yes sir" she muttered quietly, her voice barely audible. "Can I just have a salad?"

"No you can have a proper meal" he told her dropping her chin and standing up. "And you're going to eat it."

She knew it was no use arguing with him, the only thing that would accomplish was a sore bottom for her and a nights grounding. And she'd do anything to avoid either of those things happening. "Yes sir" she nodded, standing up beside him while she folded the blanket back up and placed it on the back of the couch.

"Good girl" he said kissing her head gently. Matt made his way across the downstairs of their home and into the kitchen. "How about some grilled chicken and rice?" He asked opening up their fridge and freezer in search of something.

"Sounds good baby" she responded from her position across the breakfast bar. "Did Shay do all this?" She asked looking around the now tidy room.

"I think so."

"She didn't have to do that" Gabby responded a small smile resting on her face.

"I think she liked to be useful while you were napping." He told her beginning the work on getting their food prepared. "So you want to go back to the hospital after dinner?"

"Yeah" Gabby nodded her eyes lighting up. "I know all they do at the minute is sleep but I feel like we're missing out on so much with them. I just need to be able to say goodnight and maybe spend a little time holding them otherwise I won't sleep tonight."

"If that's what you need babe, then that is what we will do."

"Thank you."

"When you wish upon a star. Makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you."

Gabby sang softly to the twins, the mother having been content to sit and hold them for the past thirty minutes.

It hadn't taken them long to make their way to the hospital after dinner, Gabby practically running out the front door as soon as they'd tidied up. The new mother desperate to be back beside her children after an afternoon away from them.

She was finding it difficult to not be with them every minute of every day and although she hadn't admitted that out loud yet, Matt knew it was coming. He could see the way she teared up the minute they had to leave or when one of the nurses would tell them they needed to put the twins back in their beds. Her natural motherly instinct forcing her to fight against their will as she always begged for a few more minutes. And although he knew today would be difficult for her, he hadn't expected it to be as bad as it was.

She was trying to mask it, but she never could lie to him convincingly. She was hurting and he knew that when it came time for them to leave for the evening he was going to have a battle on his hands.

The minute they had arrived back at the hospital this evening Gabby had taken both babies out of their incubators. She'd had them snuggled in her top ever since, the woman singing softly to them with no care of who was around them and could hear. Her sweet voice calming both herself and the babies who had slept soundly on her chest ever since they got placed there.

"Gabby", Matt spoke softly. Her eyes flicking up at him as she continued to sing. "We're going to have to put them back in soon." He told her sadly.

He was desperate to hold his children as well but he knew right now his needs and wants were not what was important. Gabby needed that contact with their babies and as much as it pained him to admit it, she needed it that little bit more than he did.

"I know" she whispered tears already clouding her eyes. "Just a few more minutes."

Matt nodded at her, the man moving out of his seat and across to kneel in front of her. His head resting against her knees while his hand came up to lay across their children's backs. The four contently sat in the near silence the privacy of the side room gave them. The only sound being from their monitors and Gabby's gentle song.

"I wish I didn't have to put you back in there" he heard her murmur. "Mummy wishes she could hold you forever, but soon you're both going to big enough and strong enough to come home. And I promise when that happens I'm never going to put you down. I'm never ever leaving you again."

Matts heart broke at the pained sound laced between her words. She was always so vulnerable in her moments with the twins, her true feelings only ever coming out when she spoke with them. He wasn't entirely sure why she was cutting herself off from him and everyone else around them but she was and it was a thought that worried him immensely.

After everything they had been through in the past eighteen months, he couldn't help but worry about what her mental state was. If anything the blow up a few days ago had proved to him that his worries were valid. He just hoped that when they saw the Chaplin the day after tomorrow she'd open up easily and they could tackle whatever emotion it was that she was so desperately trying to hide from him.

He listened to her speak softly to their children for a little while longer, the man wanting her to get every bit of time with them as she needed and wanted before telling her it was time. This was the hardest part of them being born early, through everything they had endured already this was the hardest part. The part that he couldn't help but feel no parent should ever experience, the point of being told that a mother holding her baby, or in this case babies was reaching the point of damage and that they needed to be placed back in the cold, sterile environment for their own benefit.

But as hard as it was he knew it was a necessary. "Baby?"

"Five more minutes?" she said instantly, Gabby knowing exactly what was about to happen.

"I'm sorry baby, but we've already had them out forty five minutes. You know they shouldn't be out more than half hour at a time. I know it's hard baby but they do need to go back in."

"Can we wait for their last feed before we leave?" She asked gently kissing the tops of their heads.

"I'm not sure Gabby, it's getting late and Dr Manning said.."

"Please Matt" she said, her watery eyes pleading with him, "I napped earlier, and I swear I'll go straight to bed when we get in. I can't leave yet."

He hadn't missed her choice of words, that she couldn't leave yet and upon hearing them he had crumbled, the husband knowing his wife needed this more than she could express at the moment and denying her the chance to stay was to deny her the chance to work through whatever she needed to tonight. "Okay, but I don't want any arguments when it's time to go."

"Yes sir. Thank you." She nearly whispered beginning the hand over with him.

The rest of their visit played by far too quickly for either of their liking. Before they knew it several hours had passed and Matt was telling her it was time to head home. They had stayed well past the babies feed, Gabby unable to pull herself away and Matt unwilling to force her despite his words earlier on in the evening. Now it was nearly ten at night and he could see how tired she was despite her best attempts at hiding it from him, the woman stifling yet another yawn when she thought he wasn't looking.

"Come on sleepy head lets get you home, we can come up first thing after breakfast." Matt said kissing her head gently.

"I don't ..."

"Gabby" Matt said his voice turning stern as he spoke, "it's late, you're tired and need your rest. They are asleep and will be for the next few hours, there's nothing more we can do tonight. I know it's difficult to leave them knowing we are going home and they aren't but we need to. You need to."

"But.."

"Gabriela!" he warned.

"Fine" she huffed, pulling herself to her feet. A yelp of shock leaving her lips when his hand made contact with her backside. "Ouch."

"You are treading a thin line with that attitude of yours.."

"Yes sir" she responded resisting the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"Better. Now say goodnight and lets get you home."

Gabby did as she was told, the mother spending the next few minutes saying goodnight to both of her children before turning to face her husband, tears brimming in her eyes as she struggled against her every instinct.

"You ready?" He asked, standing up straighter from his position by Sebastian's incubator.

"No" she responded truthfully but there was no dissent to her voice, she was responding emotionally. And he could see that emotionally she was finding this far too difficult and would need some patient assistance.

"They are going to be just fine Gabs, you know that right?" She nodded her head slightly, her tears falling freely down her cheeks. "Come on" he said pulling her into his side, "it's okay, I know it's difficult but I believe that some of this is because you're so tired. You know as much as I do that they need to be here right now. And that you need to be in bed and resting. Come on, we've had to leave them every evening since they were born this is no different."

"It is" she choked out, "we weren't leaving the hospital before. We were just down the hall if something happened, now we're going to be twenty minutes away at least depending on the traffic and lights."

"Baby look at me" he spoke quietly, her head turning to look up at him. "They will be okay, they won't remember you not being here overnight and before you know it they are going to be home with us and keeping us awake at all hours. Until then I need you to look after yourself and I need you to listen to what your doctors have told you to do. Which right now is to go home and sleep."

Keeping his arm locked around her waist he half pushed, half guided her out of the door. His heart breaking as he heard her choke back a sob, her eyes never leaving the room as he continued to move her towards the exit. The couple receiving sympathetic looks from the nurses at the front desk. A few of them saying reassuring comments as the two left through the double doors. Gabby's feet stopped moving just outside the doors, the woman wanting nothing more than to break free from her husbands strong arm and run back into the ward behind them.

"Come on" he whispered encouragingly in her ear but her feet wouldn't move, it was like an invisible anchor was weighing her down. The weight she was feeling in her chest making it more and more difficult to breath, her vision going blurry as she willed herself to comply and keep moving. A thick feeling of nausea spread up through her throat, the burning feeling happening faster than she had time to process, her body expelling the contents of her stomach all over herself and husband.

"Shit, Matt I'm sorry" she murmured once she finished, the woman feeling a heat rise to her cheeks.

"Hey it's okay, come on lets get someone to clean this all up. And maybe lend us something to get you home in."

Matt turned to the buzzer the man pressing the button and quickly explaining the situation, a flurry of nurses coming out of the double of doors as he helped Gabby into a seat. Her face still looking unbelievably pale. It didn't take long for them to get her cleaned up, the woman currently sat wearing hospital scrubs, while Matt went to fetch the truck. Despite her several assurances that she was feeling better now he wouldn't let her walk out with him, and here she was with a nurse making small talk while she waited. She was tired, beyond it really, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep. She just hoped that he wouldn't want to talk about what had just happened because in all honestly she didn't have the energy to speak about it, or explain how the sudden feeling had taken over her, how her fears and worries had routed her to the spot and made her physically sick. How everything that was happening to them and to their babies was making her crazy, how she was barely keeping it together. And if he forced her to talk about it she was going to break, and she wasn't sure she could come back from it if she voiced everything out loud. How in this minute and every minute since the moment her waters had broken she had felt like a complete failure. She hadn't even been able to carry her children to term, she was the reason they were separated right now and not all soundly sleeping in their home, the home her and Matt had worked so hard to get ready for them. The home that Maddie may never see. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as once more that sick feeling took over her body.

"Are you okay Mrs Casey?" the nurse beside her asked but Gabby barely heard her as she darted towards the nearest bathroom.

She burst through the door heading for the closet stool and barely making it as she heaved into the bowl. All her pain and anguish coming out as she expelled what little was left inside her.

"Mrs Casey" someone behind her spoke, Gabby recognising the voice immediately.

"I'm.." but her words were cut off by another wave hitting her. Sitting back on her heels she wiped her mouth with some toilet paper chucking it in and flushing before attempting to speak again. "I'm okay" she said taking a moment to gather herself before pushing up on to her feet and moving towards the sink.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm okay, I just got a bit overwhelmed but I promise I'm okay."

The nurse gave her a short nod before speaking again, "Mr Casey is back."

"Thank you, can you tell him I'll be right out."

"Of course, take your time."

"Thank you." Gabby said her hands gripping the side of the sink as she took in her pale features. She looked truly exhausted and she knew if she could see it, then Casey definitely would have spotted it.

"Get it together Gabriela" she whispered angrily at her reflection. "Don't go down this path, it won't lead to anything good." She knew her pep talk to herself was needed, the road she'd unwillingly found herself on only lead to one of two things happening and right now she couldn't face either of those things. No she had to keep a lid on this on her emotions, on her instincts, she needed to keep going and not let this completely derail her not if she wanted to stay out of that place. She knew her husband would have no issue sending her there if he felt she hadn't got control on this, if her body was acting instead of her brain. There was only one thing for her to do, plaster a smile on her face and walk out of this room like tonight hadn't happened. If she ignored the urge to puke, she would be able to go on about her business, if she forced herself to eat she could beat the little voice in the back of her head. She'd done it before she could do it again. But was she strong enough right now, could she face this battle again when everything around her was so out of her control. Could she take back even an ounce of that control, could she keep herself healthy for the sake of her babies?

Gabby ran her hands under the cold water, splashing a bit on her face before taking a deep breath. "You've got this" she told herself. "You are stronger than this." She kept repeating those two phrases over and over in her head as she forced her feet to move towards the door. The woman smiling weakly at her husband when she came face to face with him.

"You okay?"

"I'm good" she said with as much reassurance as she could muster, "ready to go home and sleep."

"Come on baby, let's get you home."