Spring 2008

An owl soared through an open window and landed gracefully on Colin Creevey's small desk inside one of the many cubicles littered across the office space of the Wizarding World Weekly. He looked up from the array of photographs spread across the desk and lifted an eyebrow. "Owl post for me?" he mused as he untied the scroll. The owl didn't stick around; with a whoosh it took off, blowing a couple of photos onto the floor.

Colin sighed and bent to pick up the pictures. "It's been that kind of day," he muttered as he glanced at the letter he received. He furrowed his brow slightly as he read the message on the front of the scroll.

"Oi, Colin! The meeting starts in two minutes!"

"Be right there," Colin called. Tossing the letter on his desk, he grabbed a folder and hurried off after his coworker.

The meeting started with the usual updates - the latest word changes and a plea to please remember to use a self-checking quill - and Colin tuned it out effortlessly until a change in subject brought his attention out of the lovely daydream he'd been indulging in (he'd just decided what colour the walls would be when he finally managed to open a photography shop someday).

"...some talk about feeling threatened, but my source has stopped communicating, and I'm hoping to do some undercover work..."

Colin looked over at the speaker, a young woman only a year out of Hogwarts. Natalie Mayes was brilliant, the youngest investigative reporter since Rita Skeeter, with an uncanny ability to know Truth when she saw it and the tenacity to prove she was right by chasing evidence relentlessly. Despite being the best reporter on staff, she was the least liked and her work, while excellent, often remained buried somewhere on page thirteen because she reported facts without bias and never embellished to sell stories.

"Look Natalie, that's all very well and good, but you don't have any evidence to back up your claim. You should know by now that you can't simply accuse without proof."

Colin turned his head to look at their boss. Terry Boot was the type of supervisor most people respected: fair, considerate, a firm guiding hand when needed and a ghost in the background unless required to step in. It wasn't usual for him to rebuke a subordinate in a staff meeting. Colin wondered why he had done so now; perhaps he should stop daydreaming and pay attention.

"Not yet," Natalie argued. "But the very fact that my source has disappeared means something! This informant has never, in the six months we've interacted, played hard to get!"

Terry shrugged. "It could be something or it could be nothing. Keep digging if you must, but let's move on to the next order of business."

Natalie shook her head but kept silent.

When the meeting at long last adjourned, Colin noticed Natalie was the first one to move to exit. Curious to ask more about her accusations that he had somehow missed hearing about (his mind having been lost in gold walls, with a white trim), he followed her out and nearly ran into Sally Anne Perks, a fellow photographer. They were often assigned to work together; the way they each saw the world through their camera lens was incredibly different, but "in a complementary way" Terry had once told him.

"Colin, you have a visitor in the lounge."

Colin looked at her in surprise. "Who is it, Sally?"

"Your brother," Sally said as she walked away hurriedly. Colin turned to see why she'd rushed off and then shook his head when he noticed Casey standing by the water cooler. It was an open secret that Sally was smitten with Casey. No one knew what Casey's feelings were, but Colin figured if he hadn't made a move yet he probably wasn't interested.

Colin made his way to the visitor's lounge with anticipation curling in his stomach. Dennis had never come to see him at work before.

"Dennis?"

His brother stood up quickly at the sound of his name and greeted him with their customary fist bump, but there was no spark to the action and Colin knew something was wrong. "What's happened?"

"Have you seen Leanne?" Dennis sounded close to tears.

"No," Colin said slowly, and then he remembered something. "I did get an owl from her, but haven't had a moment to look at it yet."

"Can you get it? Please Colin."

The pleading tone was enough to convince Colin to do as asked without question. "Of course. I'll be right back."

Moments later, letter in hand, he re-entered the lounge. "Here," he said, offering Dennis the parchment Leanne had sent to him with please give this to Dennis written on the outside corner.

Dennis took it in shaking hands and read it slowly. Colin watched the expressions dance across his face and waited patiently. At last Dennis looked up. "She left," he explained in disbelief. "She left me."

Colin blinked in shock. "May I?" he asked, holding out his hand. Dennis handed the letter over and sank onto the nearest chair. Colin scanned the Dear John, shaking his head. "She never gave you any warning?"

"No, nothing." Dennis gave a pained expression. "I don't understand. She didn't even give me a chance to make things right or see if I wanted to leave with her – god, she just left."

Colin didn't know how to respond. He moved to sit in the chair beside Dennis and rested his hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Dennis was quiet for a long moment before he took a long breath. "Can I – can I stay with you tonight?" he asked hesitantly. "I don't want to be alone in that apartment tonight."

"Of course," Colin agreed.

"I'm not interrupting your plans? You don't have a date with your boyfriend?"

"Harry's on a week-long stakeout," Colin answered. "And you're my brother, Dennis. You're never an interruption."

Dennis gave a weak smile. "Thanks."

That night Colin ordered Mexican take-out – Dennis' favorite – but his brother remained silent and pensive throughout the meal, and hardly seemed to notice what he was eating. Colin didn't attempt to carry on much of a conversation beyond 'pass the pepper' and 'do you want more tea'. He'd had enough experience in his life trying to get people to talk and knew the best way was to shut up and let them come to him.

After supper Dennis curled up on the couch next to the fireplace. Colin let him be. For awhile he went through some work assignments he'd brought home but found he couldn't concentrate for long, so instead he grabbed the book off his nightstand – some erotica novel a Muggle friend of his had suggested – and sprawled out on a sofa nearby Dennis in the sitting room.

"Do you believe that some people are just not meant to be?"

Colin looked over at the sound of the quiet voice. Dennis was staring moodily into the fireplace. "I don't think anything is meant to be one way or another," he answered honestly. "I think that sometimes, no matter how much we want something to work out or how much we are willing to put effort into something….none of that matters if the other person isn't willing to do the same."

Dennis was quiet for so long that Colin went back to reading, but he'd only managed another two pages when he was interrupted once more. "Is that what happened? You wanted it but he wasn't willing to put the effort in?"

"What are you talking about?" Colin asked, confused at the subject change.

"Draco Malfoy," said Dennis quietly, and Colin understood immediately. When he didn't speak, Dennis sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No it's - it's not that at all," Colin said, and he set aside his book. "I'm just putting my thoughts in order. My...relationship, for lack of a better word, with Draco was complicated and simple at the same time."

"That clears that right up," Dennis said sarcastically, but with a trace of a smile that told Colin he wasn't upset at him. Colin gave a small smile in answer but then looked away in thought.

"First," he said at last, "let me ask you a question. When did you know you loved Leanne?"

"It might be an odd moment to have such an epiphany...but we were at that new shop in Diagon Alley," Dennis responded without hesitation. "You know, the toy shop" - he added extra emphases to make it clear what he meant - "and I knew she was embarrassed as hell to be seen in there but she came with me anyway. And then she saw a certain wand item she liked and wanted to know more about it so she asked the witch at the counter. And I knew how self-conscious she was to talk about such things with a perfect stranger but she was the picture of confidence and poise and as I watched her...I don't know, I just knew."

Colin hid his laughter inside and simply nodded to acknowledge the story. "I had an odd moment of clarity myself. Remember what happened my fifth year?"

Dennis met his eyes and Colin knew he understood. He continued, "I was briefly on the sidelines of the Astronomy Tower battle. And there was a moment where I saw Draco, and our eyes locked, and in that moment I realized that what I felt for him was more than a passing fancy."

"The heart wants what it wants," Dennis quipped thoughtfully. "How'd you come to care for him like that? He's not exactly the easy to love type."

"Random chance, really," Colin shrugged. "I happened to catch him in a vulnerable moment and decided to be his friend. He looked like he needed someone."

Dennis shook his head. "You have a big heart, Colin. And a lot of patience. I'd imagine he didn't take kindly to your attempts to be friendly?"

"No he didn't. But I waited it out. And eventually...we became friends."

"And more?" Dennis prompted.

"I don't know how it happened," Colin said. "Never in a million years did I think Draco would be inclined...but it just progressed that way. And I knew who he was, and what he stood for, and yet I fell for him anyway, harder than I ever thought possible."

"What happened? I mean..."

"You guessed it earlier," Colin cut him off. "Or at least part of it. I wanted it, I wanted him, and I told him so during the Battle of Hogwarts. But he rejected me. I don't think he was willing to fight. He was tired of fighting." He gave a heavy sigh as the memory of that moment came to mind. "And I understood why, but it hurt."

"I remember you once said that old prejudices were too strong. That even if he felt something for you he didn't believe he could act on it."

"I think he rejected the idea of...abandoning the values he'd been taught to believe in his whole life. Turning his back on the ingrained ideas of what was pure and right would have, to him, meant abandoning his family. And he valued family above all else. He couldn't reconcile what he'd been taught and what I think he felt."

"Do you think he cared for you then?" Dennis asked carefully, unable to entirely hide the note of curiosity.

Colin was silent for a long time. Then - "I've asked myself that question many times over the past ten years. But I think he did, in his own way, even if he didn't acknowledge it to himself. Some of the moments we had, some of his actions - he may not have loved me the same way, but he cared for me."

Dennis nodded slowly, and when he didn't respond Colin turned back to his book. This time, he managed to read two chapters before he was interrupted again. "We didn't fight about anything."

"What?" Colin looked up, somewhat startled.

"The last time I saw Leanne she told me she loved me as she was leaving, and kissed me goodbye with this silly grin on her face. She was happy. There was no sign at all that she wanted to leave. We didn't fight or anything! It was just a normal day."

"How did you know something was wrong?"

"We were supposed to meet up for breakfast a couple of days later - this morning. When she didn't show...I knew something was going on. Checked to see if she was at home, then went to her work but they said she'd quit the day before - her friends didn't know anything. You were my last hope."

"About that," Colin said. "Why did she send that letter to me? Leanne and I have never owled before. I thought it was curious she'd sent something to me, and when I realized it was for you I was confused, but I was interrupted before I could read it..."

Dennis shook his head, frowning. "I don't know. Now that you mention it, that is odd."

Colin frowned. "It's not the only odd thing that happened today, either. Terry was rather short with a coworker in the staff meeting. It's not like him to do that."

"Would it be overstepping boundaries to ask him if anything is wrong?"

"I don't know," Colin said slowly. "We're not very close. But he encourages open communication, so perhaps I will."

Dennis nodded, and silence fell once more. Colin turned his eyes to his novel again. One chapter later, Dennis' voice softly spoke. "Did you ever think about fighting for him?"

His heart jumped, and Colin kept his eyes on the page in front of him as he considered the question. He didn't know how to answer, so he stalled for time. "You mean...did I ever think about finding Draco after the war?"

"Yes," Dennis said carefully. "Did you ever - want to go after him? Make the grand gesture? See if - if there was anything you could do to change his mind?"

"In a word - yes," Colin admitted. "But in the end - I didn't."

"Why?"

"A lot of reasons, I suppose. But it was Harry who gave me the advice I needed to hear - I decided to move on."

"Your boyfriend knows- "

"No he doesn't," Colin interrupted. "I've never told him about me and Draco. And he wasn't my boyfriend at the time anyway..."

Colin nipped into the bathroom, his heart pounding. It had been a bad idea to go to this event, he decided. He'd thought he could do it; it was for work, after all. But even taking pictures of the gala opening of Homes for Hope, a new branch of St. Mungo's, was not enough to distract him from the conversations of those around him; he'd overheard Susan Bones gossiping with another witch about what Draco Malfoy was up to these days, and he'd been unable to continue without his hands shaking violently. Blurry pictures would not be taken well at Wizarding World Weekly, and it was just his third week working there. There was no room for mistakes.

He set his camera down beside the sink and turned on the water. The sound immediately calmed him, and he took deep breaths. It had been over two years - two years! - since the Battle of Hogwarts, and Colin was still deeply hurt over Draco's cruel rejection and subsequent acting as though Colin did not exist. Colin understood why, and yet still felt the sting and the hurt even after all this time. He knew it was time to let go, past time, even, but still he fanaticized about turning up on Draco's doorstep and asking for another chance.

He ran his hands under the water, relishing the cool feeling. Lost as he was in his thoughts, the pop as the door swung open gave Colin a fright and he jumped, spraying water all over his front. "Oi!" he cried.

"Sorry," a male voice said hastily. "The door was unlocked, so I assumed the room was empty."

Colin flushed as he recognized Harry Potter."S-sorry," he stammered. "I'll just be going - "

"Hey," Harry said, and his hand moved to grab at Colin's arm as he turned away. "Are you okay?"

"I'm brilliant," Colin muttered as he tried to slip away, but Harry didn't let him, and Colin looked at him in surprise.

Harry's eyes were unusually bright, and they bore into Colin's with an intensity that both startled and mesmerized him in equal measure. The moment disappeared when Harry looked away and stepped back. "Sorry, it's just - I can tell you're upset. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. I just - thought I'd give you the opportunity if you needed a shoulder, I guess."

"I don't want to keep you from the reason you came in here," Colin murmured. "Thanks though."

Harry looked at him a moment and nodded. "I did come in the bathroom for a reason," he chuckled softly.

Colin gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and left the room quietly.

He managed to finish the rest of his photos with steady hands, his mind tuning out anything the other guests were conversing about by thinking about the pictures he would put up on the walls of the studio he would open one day. There was one he had taken in Hogsmeade the day after the first snowfall that would be the main focus. Perhaps it would go right behind the receptionist's desk.

When the night came to a close he had taken over five hundred pictures. He'd be in for a long day of developing tomorrow, and after all that he'd probably only taken a couple dozen photos that would be considered worthy of printing, and only half a dozen or less would be chosen in the end. The process was a long one but enjoyable, and as he walked out of Homes for Hope Institute he was already looking forward to locking himself in the darkroom with nothing but his prints, a cup of tea, and a tin of biscuits.

He paused on the steps to whisper protective spells on his camera. Perhaps he was a bit overcautious, but after hearing how Mazie Smith from The Daily Prophet had broken her camera after nastily splinching herself a month ago, he took no chances.

"Have a good night Colin," a nearby voice said, and Colin jumped.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Harry Potter laughed. "I seem to have made a habit out of startling you today."

Colin chuckled in embarrassment and stowed his wand back in his pocket, his camera now safely protected. "I've been distracted today, it's not usually this easy to scare me."

"Professor Moody would have scolded you, you know. Constant vigilance and all that."

"That he would have." Colin grinned briefly at Harry before looking away. "The article should run the day after tomorrow, just as a heads up. I'm sure your picture will be among those chosen to be printed."

Harry nodded in acknowledgement. "I'm looking forward to seeing what photos you pick for the article. I've always admired the stories your pictures tell, even if I haven't always liked what stories they are."

"Thanks," Colin said, somewhat surprised at the admission.

Harry moved to lean against the railing of the covered porch, his hands resting on the knotted oak wood. "There was a photo you took after the Battle, do you remember?"

Colin remembered. It was the only photo he had taken during the many funerals, the only photo he had been able to take for weeks after the end of the war. "Yes."

"I remember seeing it for the first time and thinking...thinking that whoever had taken the photo had managed to capture the real tragedy of war perfectly."

Colin looked at Harry but in his mind's eye he saw a different boy looking back at him, one with pale hair and pointed nose and an expression of undisguised anguish. Curious as to what Harry meant, he asked, "And what is the real tragedy?"

Harry looked out over the lawn, his gaze unfocused and lost. "We were just children, but our destinies were chosen for us the moment Voldemort marked me with the scar. We were born into our lot, and had no say over our lives because He wanted things a certain way. We were all pawns in a game we didn't want to play."

Colin's mind went to Draco again, and he understood. Draco had been a pawn, yes; but so had Harry, he realized. Is that what they all were? Pawns in a Game of Life no one wanted to play?

"I had a friend," Colin spoke without thinking, "who was forced to do things in the war they didn't want to. A pawn in the game. I've thought all this time that I was nothing like them...but maybe I have been a pawn without realizing it."

Harry looked at him and Colin looked back, and something like understanding seemed to pass between them. They had both been pawns, Colin thought. And they both did not want to continue to play the game.

Harry took a deep breath and looked away. "Sorry," he said somewhat awkwardly. "I didn't mean to get all...well."

"It's fine," Colin assured him. "I'm happy to hear that my photo touched you so much. It's nice to know that my work conjures up the emotions that it's supposed to. It's why I like what I do."

Harry ruffled his hand through his own hair and nodded at him. "It's late, I should let you get home."

Colin smiled. "You're welcome to owl me anytime, should you want to continue the conversation." He wasn't sure why he'd said it, but it felt right.

Harry returned the smile. "Good night, Colin."

"Good night Harry."

He was halfway down the pathway when he heard Harry call out his name. He turned to find the man staring after him, a pensive look on his face. "You don't deserve to be a pawn, Colin. Be the Queen."

Colin didn't know what to say to that, but Harry turned and went back inside, leaving Colin to his very confused thoughts.

Dennis was silent for a long moment after Colin finished telling the story. Colin searched his face for some sign of what he was thinking, but wasn't able to interpret what he found. "Is that why you didn't go after him then," Dennis said at long last. "You felt like his pawn?"

"I suppose I did in a way. What we had at school - it was what we both needed at the time. But after school...even if he had wanted to be with me, it wouldn't have been real. His family, his beliefs, everything that made him who he was, it left no room for anything or anyone but the things that fit into his view of the world. I think had we kept what we had going, I would have been the secret, the hidden part of his world."

"Harry's right," Dennis said firmly. "You don't deserve to be a pawn."

Colin smiled somewhat wistfully to acknowledge the thought. He stood up, setting his book on the spot he'd just vacated. "Don't make the same decision if you don't feel it's right for you, Dennis."

Dennis looked at him and then looked away, and Colin left his brother to his thoughts, closing the curtains with a wave of his wand as he went.