Hey everyone, I'm back!

It was really great to get away with the family and disconnect from the rest of the world for a while, it was exactly what we needed and was followed by a crazy exciting time for our kids as they've just celebrated their birthday :).

I hope you are all keeping well and have had time just for yourselves recently, in these crazy times its more important than ever to take that moment for yourself and the ones closest to you.

So here it is, Maddie is going in for surgery and we're about to see how Gabby and Matt cope with it.

Let me know how you thought it turned out once you've finished please? I love hearing what you all have to say, it honestly bring a huge smile to my face each time I get notification that one of you have left a review. :) see you on the other side...

Drawing in a deep breath Dawson took one last look at herself in the mirror, the paramedic moving out of the bathroom and back into their bedroom as she finished getting ready. She wasn't really bothered by how she looked if she was honest, but it was something of a ritual for her, her morning routine having been the same for as long as she could remember.

Today was the day of Maddie's surgery and the Casey's had been up since the early hours. Gabby waking initially to pump, the woman doing so every three to four hours during a typical twenty four hour period. Unfortunately for them both she just couldn't settle back down afterwards. The couple now having been awake since four in the morning.

It was going to be a long day, they already knew that and as much as Matt had tried to lull her back to sleep, all his efforts and usual tricks had failed him. The two ending up lying in the quiet together until their alarms went off.

"Hey" Matt spoke coming up behind her, "you almost ready?"

"I think so. I've packed a few bits in the bag just in case. So I'm good to go if you are." She said turning round to face him. Both their eyes shining with the fear and sadness they were both holding onto for today.

They both knew this surgery had to happen, that for their daughter to have any chance at a normal life she had to endure this. But it didn't change the fact they hated it, it didn't change that every time they thought about their tiny baby girl going into that operating room, their hearts ached.

Maddie had been doing well, better than anyone had expected her to. Her early arrival mixed with her heart problems had been a huge cause of concern for the doctors but she was definitely a fighter. If anything Matt would say she was just like her mother, their little girl having a stubborn attitude already. They had seen it in the way she had defied all possible outcomes so far. The two weeks she'd been here only confirming for them how unbelievably strong she was.

No one knew exactly what today would hold, the surgery alone could take between six to eight hours and during that time there were a huge number of things that could go wrong. But the couple were choosing to focus on the positives as much as they could.

Maddie had gained well in her short two weeks on the earth. She was still small, and she was still smaller than her brother but considering how small her mother was it wasn't all that surprising. The little girl weighed just over four pounds now and as far as the doctors were concerned her weight gain had been remarkable.

Everything had remained stable with her, there having been no surprises along the way, or sudden changes in her condition which was reassuring for everyone, the new parents especially taking great comfort in that fact.

"And how are you doing?" Matt asked rubbing his hands up and down her arms gently.

"I'm good" she replied, "nervous about today but I'm good."

"You sure?" He asked his head tilting to the side slightly.

"I am" she confirmed with a short nod. "And how about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm scared, nervous, everything in between" he spoke honestly. "But she's got this, Madeline is strong just like her mama. And I know she's going to come out of this just fine."

"I hope you're right." Gabby mused quietly.

"I'm always right" Matt spoke lightly, placing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "You ready to get outta here?"

"Yup."

"How long has it been?" Shay asked nobody in particular, the blonde looking up towards the clock in the waiting room.

Matt and Gabby had been overwhelmed and shocked to discover almost the entirety of their firehouse family at the hospital when they had arrived this morning. Even though Shay has only told her last night that they were planning on swinging by she had never expected to see them waiting for them when they arrived. The entirety of fifty one sitting in the waiting room just down from the NICU when they had gotten here, some of them bringing their partners along to.

Everyone knew that firehouse fifty one was a family, the way the house worked a legend amongst the candidates at the academy. But seeing it here in front of her was still over whelming, despite being part of this family for years and knowing if it was anyone else's child, her and Matt would have been sat exactly where they were now, it was still overwhelming. Gabby dashing for the NICU doors leaving Matt to deal with the pleasantries.

She knew she'd been rude, that not acknowledging their presence had been outstandingly rude. But right then she hadn't cared, it was too much for her and she knew if she had stayed much longer she wouldn't have been able to stop the lump in her throat over flowing to the tears tempting her eyes.

The next time anyone had seen Gabby was when the family had emerged from the double doors and headed down the corridor at the far side that lead to the operating rooms.

"It's only been half hour since they took her down" Kelly replied from the seat next to hers. "I'm sure Matt and Gabby will be back up soon and let us know how she went down."

"I hope so, this waiting is making me nervous and I'm sure the surgery hadn't even begun yet."

"I'm sure they'll be back soon" Hermann spoke from behind them, the older man resting his hand on the blondes shoulder. "How about a coffee?"

"Thanks Hermann but I'm jittery enough, coffee will only make it worse."

"Okay, well I'm going to get one. Anyone else?" He asked the room, a series of shakes of heads coming in a form of response from the near silent group.

Gabby sat feeding Sebastian in the quiet sectioned off room, it was three hours since Maddie's surgery had began and so far she hadn't left this room. The mother needing to be close to her son while she couldn't be with her daughter. She knew everyone was out in the waiting area, Kelly and Shay being the only people she'd actually seen but from what Matt had described the waiting area had become a sea of first responders, even the men and women of district twenty one had turned up to support the Casey's through this trying day. Along with the nurses of Chicago Med that had joined them in the break times, or had come into work just to be present for the family.

It hadn't been easy for either parent this morning, the doctors and nurses doing everything they could to try and make a bad situation slightly easier on the young couple. Gabby had even been allowed to carry their daughter down to the operating room, something that was very rarely, if ever aloud. She had taken comfort in the final moments of closeness it had given her as they walked down the long corridors, the mother whispering soothing words to her baby while they made the journey together.

Matt had been her rock, the man holding back his own emotions so that he could be strong for her. She was thankful for his strength in this, she wasn't sure her tears would ever have ended if it wasn't for his strong presence beside her. They both knew today was going to be hard that taking their daughter down to the OR and handing her over for life saving surgery was going to pull their emotions in all different directions at once but Gabby was trying to focus on the positives. The strength their daughter had already shown, the little fighter as the doctors and nurses had already given her as a nick name. Everyone knew there were risks, that anything going wrong with this surgery today could result in the Casey's having one less baby to raise.

Gabby had seen the uncertainty in all of their eyes but especially when she'd seen Kelly and Shay not an hour ago, the two of them popping in to make sure she was doing okay and to see if she needed anything. An offer she had been quick to refuse, the only thing she needed was her daughter back in this room with her brother and family but that wasn't an option yet, Gabby knowing that the clock ticking into the third hour of her daughters surgery only marked the half way point at best.

It was the knowledge that there was a lot of nervous energy in the air that kept Gabby inside this room, her only way of keeping herself calm was to focus completely on her son. The little boy sensing her need for him his little hands gripping tightly to any part of her while he happily fed.

Over the past few days Gabby had noticed how much more Sebastian was feeding, and how much stronger his latch was getting. The nurses had expressed how he was already doing better than any twenty eight weeker would usually and she could only be thankful that he was. Gabby wasn't sure how she'd cope if both of her babies were sick, she knew that there were no guarantees for what a NICU journey would look like, each baby and story being complete unique to the individual situation but as far as she was concerned her sons journey had been fairly easy so far. It was a thought she would never dare voice out loud, her years working at the firehouse teaching her long ago to never jinx it by voicing those thoughts but it gave her comfort that since he had gotten over his chest infection he had yet to face any other complications.

"Hi", Matt's voice broke through her thoughts, Gabby looking up to see her husband stood in the doorway watching her, a soft grin on his face.

"Hi" she repeated matching his look, "how long have you been stood there."

"Long enough to know you're even more amazing than I knew." He told her moving into the room and pulling the door to. He crouched down in front of his wife and son, his hand resting on the little man's back. "How long has he been feeding?"

"I'm not really sure, I don't think he's actually eating anymore."

"You okay?" Matt asked, a knowing look crossing his face. He knew that holding her son was helping her deal with the events unfolding across the hospital but he also knew she hadn't really eaten today and she hadn't spoken with anyone apart from assuring everyone she was okay.

"I'm tired and a little thirsty" she admitted.

Matt upon hearing her words stood up moving across the room to the bag they had packed this morning, knowing that in there Gabby had packed a snack box for herself and some water. He'd not really questioned her about it, knowing that it was probably so she didn't have to leave the ward to go to the canteen as well as making sure her snack was as healthy as possible. He knew from their conversation with the Chaplin last week and various conversations since that she was struggling with the way her body looked at the moment and eating canteen food was pretty low on her list of wants. Gabby had never been overly fussy, she had her periods of food avoidance, and would never over indulge in the unhealthy snacks available but she'd never really minded if that was all that was available. However lately she'd been a bit more conscious about what she put into her body, not just for her own benefit but that of her children, Gabby explaining to Matt that a healthy diet was vital when breastfeeding.

"Here you go" he said handing her a bottle of water and sitting down in the chair to the side of hers. "Want me to take him so you can eat?"

Gabby shook her head, the mum expertly adjusting her clothing while holding her baby before settling him down in her arms once more and opening her water. "I'm good thanks, I can eat with him here."

"Is everyone still here?" She asked after a few moments of quietness.

"Yeah, they are. Hermann is bouncing between the canteen to get everyone drinks and trying to help ease the nerves but most of them are just sat there quietly." Matt told her, Gabby giving a small nod in response. Casey could see there was something else on her mind as he watched her eat her crackers and cheese. "You know they'd all love to see you."

"Maybe later" she replied, "I'm not really up for socialising at the moment."

Matt had been splitting his time between the waiting area and the NICU, the firefighter not wanting to appear ungrateful for the presence of all his men and women outside the room. Gabby however wasn't all that concerned with how they saw her, today wasn't about anyone other than them and their children. She didn't need to see their pity or hear their words of comfort, all she needed, all she wanted was her daughter to come out of this well and alive. And no amount of small talk was going to help the time go any faster, in fact the only thing she was sure it would achieve was to make her think more about it.

She knew she was acting ungratefully, that she should be happy that their entire family had turned up to show them support but she just didn't have it in her at the moment. Every breath she took felt like someone was sitting on her chest, every thought she had was about what part of the surgery they would be doing now. Both her and Matt had, had several lengthy conversations with the surgeons as well as researching a bit themselves and reading the pamphlets they had been given, and between all they had read and all they had been told, they knew each bit of the surgery their daughter was currently going through.

Dr Baton and Dr Alexander had assured them that they would send someone to update them at regularly intervals and true to their words they had, a nurse would come and tell them what was happening and how Maddie was doing every hour. It was reassuring for Gabby to have the updates, and Matt was grateful to the nurses that had been delivering them. Each time he'd watch as his wife's shoulders would hunch as they approached, the anticipation of something being wrong forever present in her mind, but once they were told everything was going smoothly she relaxed, Matt watching as the tension left her body and she visibly relaxed.

"The nurse should be out with an update soon" She continued glancing towards the clock on the wall. "Maybe once they've been in I'll come out with you." She added seeing the concerned look on his face. "Just say hello to everyone and let them see I'm okay."

"That sounds like a good idea to me. Your mum and dad are here, Antonio had to go collect Eva but he'll be back here soon."

"Why did he have to go get Eva?" Gabby asked her eyes moving from there position on their son to her husbands face.

"I'm not altogether sure, something about an accident in gym."

"Is she okay?"

"I think so, Antonio said the school wanted her to get checked out. He left a little while ago, I can go see if he's back if you like?" Matt offered seeing the concern for their niece written all over her.

"Could..." she began her sentence getting cut off by tapping on the door. "Come in." she called softly.

"Hello, I'm nurse Anderson. Dr Baton sent me to give you an update."

"Hi I'm Gabby, this is Matt. And this is Sebastian." Gabby introduced them all. "Hows Maddie doing?"

"Really well, she's entering the most difficult part of the surgery now. Dr Baton is about to start reattaching the pulmonary artery and then he will continue to reattach the aorta before finishing up and taking her off by pass. It's a delicate process and is going to take some time but everything so far has gone well and neither Dr Baton or Dr Alexander are foreseeing any issues."

"Thank you" Matt spoke first, watching as Gabby released a breath he was sure she wasn't even aware she had been holding.

"That's okay, I've got to get back in there. But she's a strong little girl you have."

There were a few more pleasantries and thank yous spoken before she left again, leaving Matt and Gabby alone once more with their son. A quietness in the air while they both dealt with their emotions. Gabby clinging to her son as she pulled him closer to her chest. His soft breaths tickling her neck as he slept on, blissfully unaware of the drama surrounding his sister.

"That's good news" she finally spoke up, Matt nodding softly at her in agreement.

"It really is."

"Do you think it'll take another five hours?"

"I don't know baby, I wish I had an answer to that." He told her sadly, "you ready to go say hi to everyone?"

Gabby waited a few moments, the mother soaking in the scent of her baby before speaking up, "not really but I should. They've given up their days to come sit with us the least I can do is try and spend some time with them."

"That's my girl" Matt spoke proudly. He knew how difficult this was for her, that not only was she dealing with all her feelings about today but a million other things were factoring in to her emotions at the moment. Her hormones were all over the place, he knew that, he'd been on the wrong side of her tongue lashings a few times over the past few weeks but he didn't really mind. Matt letting the incidents slip on more than one occasion, something which Gabby had either not noticed or was avoiding discussing with him.

Without saying a word the couple handed off Sebastian, Matt taking the little boy carefully in his arms while Gabby sorted herself out and put her trash away.

"Hey little man" Matt spoke softly, Sebastian's eyes opening slightly at the sound of his fathers voice. "Did you have a good long cuddle with mummy this morning? - Yeah you did, didn't you. I'm sorry to disturb you." He told him gently, tracing his fingers over his bare belly.

Neither of the twins had worn clothes yet, the moist and warm air in the incubator making it unnecessary for them, Matt had asked about it once, asking a nurse if it would be best for them to invest in some tiny baby clothing given the size of their babies but he had been told that until they were in open cots clothing wouldn't be needed.

"I'm going to steal mummy away for a little while", he continued, "maybe see if I can get her to go get some real food and some fresh air but we'll be back soon. And your sister is doing so well bud, she'll be back soon to."

Gently Casey placed his son do inside the incubator, closing the side up and standing back, the father watching with a soft smile as his son fell back to sleep easily.

"You ready to go?" He asked turning to see his wife watching him with a smile that matched his own, "What?"

"Nothing you're just cute." She teased moving in to give him a tender kiss.

"Cute hey?" he asked with a raise brow, "is that all I am?"

"At the minute yes" she chuckled, turning out of his grasp and towards the door.

"Ouch Mrs Casey, right in the heart" he joke clasping his hand over his chest to emphasise his point. The both of them enjoying the lightness their teasing had created.

It was just what they both needed and they hadn't even realised it. Matt thankful to see the genuine look of happiness on his wife's face for this short moment and although he knew she still had a heaviness in her heart, that they both had a heaviness hanging over them, for a spilt second they had been Matt and Gabby, not Mr and Mrs Casey who were petrified for their daughter.

"Mr and Mrs Casey" Dr Baton's voice halted the conversation the couple had been having, everyone sat in the waiting area snapping their focus up towards the doctor by the desk.

"Is everything okay?" Gabby asked immediately.

"Everything's fine, Dr Alexander is just finishing the procedure and Madeline will be taken to recovery shortly."

"And everything went okay?" Matt asked nervously.

"Everything went as planned, your daughter coped remarkably well in surgery. The next forty eight hours are critical but if how she coped with the surgery is anything to go by she's going to be a trooper." He told them, a proud look in his eye.

"Thank you" Matt said moving to shake the doctors hand, "I can't thank you enough."

"No thanks necessary I'm only doing my job, Madeline did the hard part. I'm just glad we got her through it. I'll get a nurse to come and grab you when you can see her but I just wanted to update you while I could." His words were cut off by his pager going, the doctor making his apologises before making his way back down the hallway.

Gabby turned into Matt's chest, the man having been stood with his hand placed firmly on her lower back, a position he knew she had always found incredibly comforting when she was nervous or upset. He could feel her body trembling under his touch, Matt quickly directing her away from the members of their family knowing she would be embarrassed about crying in front of them all. Once away from everyone he quickly wrapped his arms around her back, allowing her to expel all her emotions while quietly being the presence she needed.

"Sssh it's okay, she's fine." he whispered into her ear, Gabby nodded her head against him. She knew he was right, she wasn't even sure why she was crying, she wasn't sure if it was relief or just the tension of the day, or even a bit of both but it felt good to finally let go of everything she'd been trying to keep trapped inside her all day.

"I know that" she mumbled into his chest, "I'm just so..."

"Relived?" he asked. Gabby nodded, "I know baby, it's been a tough day but here soon she's going to be out of the OR and we'll be able to see her. We can be with our daughter again and before you know it you'll only remember this as a memory. I know it's been scary today, I know that this hasn't been easy but she's okay. She came through the surgery and she's alive."

At his last word Gabby broke down again, her quieting sobs turn back into near hysteria. Her breathes getting caught in her throat as her sobs got louder and louder, a low howl like sound coming from her.

Matt didn't really know what to do, having never seen his wife this distraught before. He'd seen her in many low moments, he'd seen her at what he thought was her lowest point but he couldn't help but ache at the sound of her sobs right now. "Do you want to speak with the Chaplin?" Matt asked after about five minutes, Gabby finally calming down a little again.

"I.. maybe."

"It may help" Matt said pulling back slightly, his heart breaking at the sight of her tear stained face and the uncertainty her eyes held. "You don't have to if you don't want to." He quickly added, "I don't know what to do here Gabby, I don't know if you just need me to hold you or if you need to talk about what just upset you but we can do whatever it is you need. Whatever you want to do is what we'll do."

He watched her carefully as she thought over his words, a few different looks flashing across her face as she tried to make her decision. "I think I want to talk to him." She finally stated, a sure look shining in her eyes.

"Okay, I'll go get him" He told her breaking away with a soft kiss to her head.

"Matt" her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me while I'm talking to him. Please?"

"Of course baby, let me go get him and then we'll find somewhere to talk." He waited for her to give him a sign she was okay before walking back down the hallway, Casey heading straight for the older man while bypassing everyone else.

"Chaplin?" He spoke softly as he stopped in front of him, Chaplin Orlovsky instantly looking up at the sound of his name on Matt lips.

"You okay Matt?"

"I'm good, Gabby she's not. Could she talk with you for a bit?"

"Yeah of course." He told him, the older man standing and following Matt back down the corridor, both of them ignoring the worried stares of everyone around. "Is she okay?"

"Not really, she just had quite a big breakdown. I think some of it is relief but I'm not really sure what to do or how to help her."

"Just being there for her is helping her" the Chaplin told him stopping in his tracks, the older man clasping his hand on the young Captains shoulder. "You've done everything you can for her today and if you keep doing that everything will be okay. I believe that, and you need to try to believe it too."

Matt took a few moments to collect himself, the firefighter finally feeling the crushing weight against his chest relive slightly before continuing on towards his wife. It wasn't long before they were beside her, Gabby stood in a similar position to what he had left her in, her arms wrapped protectively around her body as she waited for them.

"Gabby" the Chaplin spoke quietly, "shall we go in here?" he offered pushing the door open to a vacant room just down the corridor, the older man having spotted it on his way towards her. He could see she was upset, but he could also see that she appeared lighter than she had all afternoon. Her shoulders no longer slumped in the way they had been previously, and she was standing straighter also.

Wordlessly the couple followed the Chaplin into the room, Matt and Gabby taking seats next to each, the both of them reaching for the others hand at almost the exact same time.

"Matt said you wanted to talk with me?" Orlovsky began when it became apparent Gabby needed some encouragement to start. They'd done this dance a number of times before, and he knew the Casey's well, he also knew that neither of them were exceptionally good at opening up. The biggest issue the couple had, had in the past being a sheer lack of communication on both of their parts.

Gabby nodded gently, her hand gripping tightly to her husbands as she released a shaky breath, tears already brimming at the edges of her eyes again. "I.. I'm feeling over whelmed." She stated simply.

"By what?"

"By everything, by all of our firehouse family being out there, my parents and Antonio. Even Eva is still out there, and I know sitting in a hospital waiting room can't be a comfortable position for her with her shoulder."

Shortly after Gabby and Matt had appeared from the NICU earlier today, Antonio and Eva had arrived from the ER. The youngest Dawson supporting a sling and pale face, apparently she had dislocated her shoulder pretty badly but the nurses had manged to get it back into place without much difficultly.

Gabby and Matt had both tried to encourage her to head home, Gabby especially knowing the injury must be uncomfortable at the least but Eva had stood strong. The young girl insisting that she wanted to be there for her Aunt and Uncle and baby cousins.

"And then the doctor came and said how well Maddie had done and it was like this wave of relief swept over me. It engulfed me, and I didn't know how to react. My emotions are still all over the place. Nobody tells you about the surge of hormones after childbirth and I'm sure that's all this is but I couldn't cope and that caused me to break down."

"That's understandable" Orlovsky said, a sad look resting in his eyes. "Today is a lot for anyone, let alone a new mum that just went through a pretty horrific time with pregnancy and the birth. You've not had it easy, and you need to deal with that. I know we spoke about this a little yesterday but its going to be almost like a grieving process. You need to come to terms with not having the 'normal' experiences. And when these overwhelming moments hit, you need to do what you're doing now. You need to talk about them. There is no shame in how you feel, and there is no right or wrong answer in how you should or shouldn't deal with this. Just know that everyone out there, every single one of them. They chose to be here today, they chose to sit in the waiting room with you and I wouldn't be surprised if they stay out there a little longer. I know you've spent a long time in with Sebastian today and I'm pretty sure you'll spend some more time in there later. But right now I think the only person you really need is Madeline. Me and Matt we can sit here and talk with you all night long. But it's your daughter you need to see, until you see her you won't believe that she is okay, and although it's going to be a bit different to what you've been used to, it will help you." He told her, Gabby nodding her head a few times as she let him continue to talk.

"For now we can sit here a while, chat a little if you like but I'm not sure there's anything I can tell you to help you feel better not until you've seen her."