Apparently it's been since March that I updated anything and here it is June 23rd. My son is now 10 months old, walking (toddling), and entertaining himself. With some ingenuity, I've made it where he only has access to the living room. Since I have one less worry, I'm able to sit on the couch and write. I can't just go typing away. It's hard for me to focus. There's nothing quite like pen(cil) and paper. Though with only a tablet, it takes a while to type. Thank you Google for Talk-to-Text.
After almost 10 hours of writing, this chapter alone was 27 pages in my notebook. And occurring to the word count, it's 4,714 words. Wow! My average is 1,500 words a chapter.
I have the writing bug! I've outlined all the way to chapter 22! (In my outline this is chapter 16.
I hope you enjoy. I'm proud of this one.
~ dj-kyoto
TRIGGER WARNING: There is mention of attempted rape and attempted suicide.
"And that concludes today's lecture. Class dismissed."
Shuffling of papers, clattering of quills being collected, and screeching of chairs followed Agnes's words. The quicker students had already left. The slower ones straggled behind as they needed more time to gather their things. Agnes had seated herself at her desk. She was looking through the parchments of lesson plans and graded exams for her next class. Footsteps approaching her desk made Agnes look up from her cursive scrawls.
"Professor, I had heard that that Ravenclaw snitch made Flitwick question and insult your teachings. As rumor goes, you handled yourself well but I was wondering if you were alright." Juno smiled at the professor she had grown to admire.
Agnes returned her smile as she put down the parchments to give the student her complete and undivided attention.
"Yes, I'm alright. Professor Flitwick and I had a disagreement is all. It's really no big deal."
"I heard that you had taken care of the situation in an amazing way. You know, showed that Ravenclaw who was boss."
"Juno," Agnes tightened her lips. "I am not proud of what happened. An adult shouldn't resolve a problem, let alone an altercation, with a temper. It causes more trouble down the line."
"Well, you wouldn't have had to resolve anything if it wasn't for that sniveling, tattle-talling Ravenclaw boy."
"Must everything be about Houses? He is your classmate. While I agree that he can be a tad… annoying, we must treat everyone as an equal. The Slytherin House already has a bad reputation. What makes a wizard good or bad is their actions, not their House or family. We should aspire to prove it, for while the majority fears or looks down upon a Slytherin, the Great Merlin himself was a Slytherin. And despite popular beliefs, not every Slytherin is good at Potions or Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Juno was quiet for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry, Professor. I admire you a lot and it made me angry you were the butt of rumors floating about Hogwarts."
"That's alright," Agnes smiled. "Just remember my words."
"I will, Professor." Juno smiled again then turned to take her leave. Agnes directed her attention back down to her parchments.
"Oh," Juno stopped at the doorway. Agnes looked up toward the Slytherin girl. "Do you mind if I come by after classes? As I've already said, I admire you a great deal and I'd like to learn as much as I can about Magical Theory. That is," Juno diverted her eyes to her shoes. "If that's alright, Professor?"
Agnes chuckled to herself from Juno's sudden shyness. "Yes, that'll be fine."
Juno almost jumped for joy. She ran toward the door to leave.
"Oh, and Juno?" The student turned to face her teacher once again. "Do keep mind that favoritism isn't tolerated."
Juno gave Agnes a wordless smile as she finally succeeded in leaving the classroom. Almost.
"Ah! Professor Snape! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there. Please forgive me."
Severus's only response was a grunt as he shoved pass the student to enter the Magical Theory classroom.
Agnes quirked her eyebrow at Severus's presence. "How much did you hear?" Agnes asked.
"What makes you believe I would be one to eavesdrop?"
"Out with it!" Agnes demanded.
"Slytherin reputation and on," Severus admitted with a growl.
"I believed right, then. You are one to eavesdrop. Why are you here? You never seek me out unless you want something. Like yelling at me."
"I only came here to deliver something from Dumbledore. It's an announcement for all of the professors." Severus pushed a parchment onto Agnes's desk. Picking up the parchment to read, Agnes asked, "Isn't that the Head Mistress's job?"
"McGonagall had a class this past block. So, Dumbledore asked me to deliver it to you."
"I see," Agnes said. The silence that followed became awkward for the both of them. Severus appeared to be deep in thought.
"Blackwood…?" Severus finally asked. "What you said last night… was it true?"
Agnes sighed, expecting the worst. "Yes, Severus."
Snape cringed at the use of his first name. "How can I believe that?"
Agnes held out her hand. Snape jumped at the sudden movement. Hesitant but wanting the truth, Snape took her hand. Closing his eyes, he cast the legilimency spell.
Several images flashed across his vision. Severus wasn't exactly sure what he was searching for. The random segments began to organize themselves. No doubt as a result of interference from Agnes.
The boats of new students were drawing near to the great castle of Hogwarts. Agnes was nervous yet excited. She hoped she would be sorted into Slytherin and make her parents proud. Agnes could only imagine their faces of joy and pride.
The young student waited in line for her name to be called. With her name starting with a B, Agnes knew that she wouldn't have to wait long.
"Agnes Blackwood," the voice had called. Agnes stepped onto the stage and sat on the stool. The Sorting Hat was placed over her unruly curls.
"Hmm… this one has wit. Ravenclaw would benefit greatly. But no, this one doesn't belong in blue."
Agnes wriggled in her seat as the Sorting Hat 'hmm'ed in ponderment.
"Ah, I see," the Sorting Hat said after what had felt like an eternity. "This one with such wit belongs in… Slytherin!"
The Slytherin Table clapped and whooped for their new edition. Many were familiar with the Blackwood name, little to Agnes's knowledge at that time.
Agnes skipped to her fellow Slytherins. Her eyes caught sight of a handsome Slytherin boy with pale skin and black, medium lengthed hair. He traced his finger along the table's smooth, glass like surface. Agnes took her seat by his side. Her mother taught her to seize an opportunity whenever it presented itself.
"Hi," Agnes smiled. "I'm Agnes Blackwood."
The pale Slytherin glanced her way but said nothing. He propped his head up with the palm of his hand and went back to rubbing the tabletop with his fingertip.
A hand patted Agnes's shoulder from behind. "Oh, don't mind him," a male student with undeniably blond hair said. "Severus there isn't much of a talker. He'd rather have his nose buried in some book. He's just upset Slughorn wouldn't let him grab one from his luggage trunks. I'm Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy." Lucius extended his hand.
"Oh, a Malfoy! How very nice to meet you." Agnes took his hand and shook it in greeting. "I'm Agnes Blackwood!"
A Malfoy! Mother would be thrilled. Maybe I'll try my luck nabbing him! Imagine it: Agnes Malfoy.
"Well, Blackwood, it's very nice to meet you as well." When he smiled, his blue eyes twinkled like the stars on a clear night.
"To newfound friendship!" Lucius raised his pumpkin juice in a toast.
Severus looked over his shoulder before darting around a corner. Curious, Agnes put the letter from her mother into a pocket of her robes. Peeking around the brick wall, Agnes saw Severus sitting under a tree in the courtyard with a Gryffindor girl with fiery red hair. Their backs were to her, so Agnes couldn't identify the girl. Shrugging, Agnes returned to reading her mother's letter.
Lucius and Agnes entered the Slytherin common room laughing at a joke Lucius had just told. Agnes saw Severus sitting alone in a plush, green chair. He was reading a book as he always was. Agnes would give anything to know what he was thinking. She'd never even heard his voice before.
"Reading as usual, aye, Severus?" Lucius called.
Severus glanced in their direction but went back to his book. His eyes darted back and forth across the page.
Lucius scoffed but quickly brushed off being ignored.
Agnes was a second year before she struck up enough courage to talk to Severus again after last year. He was under his usual tree writing a paper for one of his assignments. Potions according to the title of his textbook.
"Good day, Severus," Agnes greeted.
His writing stopped for a moment - just a moment - before continuing.
"Doing some homework?"
The scrawling continued uninterrupted.
Agnes crouched down to his height. "Potions, I see."
He stopped writing but Severus didn't look up. "What do you know about potions?"
"Well considering that I'm a second year, not as much as you. But it's my favorite class for the time being."
Without even bothering to look up, Severus continued working on his assignment.
"I'm aiming to take Magical Theory next term as a third year," Agnes continued.
"Could you leave now?" Severus asked abruptly.
"Fine," Agnes snapped harshly. Offended, she took her leave.
Agnes sat under the tree Severus usually occupied as she took notes to prepare for her Magical Theory midterm exam. Just as she had expected, Agnes greatly enjoyed the class.
"Can you leave? This is my spot."
"Funny, I don't see your name on it."
Snape's nostrils flared in unspoken anger. Not wanting to bother with fighting, Severus sat on the opposite side of the tree. Silently they worked on their own projects. Agnes couldn't concentrate in his presence. She had developed a soft spot for Snape. She had witnessed those damned Marauders pestering poor Severus. All because of his friendship with Lily Evans and that he was a bit different.
Speaking of the devil, they had appeared. James Potter, leading the pack, sauntered over to where they sat. They had taken things too far this time. Severus flew up into the air by his feet. They pestered him and jested at their own cruelty. Lily Evans had come not far behind them. She pleaded and ordered James to stop. With fancying Lily, he listened. With Severus on the ground once more, Lily had tried to comfort him.
He brushed her off. Severus didn't want to be comforted. Severus started to walk away. Lily followed as she clinged to Severus's shoulder. Then he said it. Severus had called Lily a mudblood. The word that changed everything.
Mouth covered by her hand, tears begin to stream down Lily's face. She stood frozen in place from shock. Having realized his grave mistake, Severus stuttered over several words of apology. Anger finally taking control, Lily fled. Severus started to follow after her, but thought better of it. Instead, he took off in a different direction as he ignored James's calls. James followed, but Agnes cut him off.
"Haven't you and your buffoons done enough? Go on somewhere and destroy someone else's life. That's the only thing that you're good at."
James opened his mouth as if to protest. Before he could utter a word the extremely skinny one with brown hair lead him away. With Potter taken care of, Agnes followed after Severus. He had ran into a scarcely used corridor of the dungeons. This is where he often went after a run in with the Marauders. Agnes leaned against the wall near the corridor Severus occupied. She felt tears of her own escape as Severus's sobs filled her ears.
Flashes of the next few weeks following the James incident swept across Severus's vision. Agnes had been there for Severus along with Lucius. Lucius had started pulling away from them during that time as he had become more involved with Narcissa Black. Narcissa, however, wasn't sharing Lucius's feelings.
Agnes and Severus had grown close over those few weeks.
Agnes fought to keep her own sobs quiet as she heard Severus around the corner in the dungeon. Both wept tears of sorrow and anger.
James and Lily had announced that they were a couple. It had broken poor Severus's heart. Agnes was also broken. Over the previous weeks, the soft spot Agnes had for Severus had turned to love. When he felt joy, Agnes felt joy; when he felt pain, Agnes felt pain. Agnes's heart shattered when Severus's sobs transformed into blood-curdling screams.
She couldn't bear it.
Agnes was a fourth-year and Severus a seventh. Severus hadn't been the same since Lily and James became an item, but Agnes loved him all the same.
Agnes and Lucius had returned to the Slytherin common room laughing at yet another of Lucius's jokes.
"You know, Agnes," Lucius said as they sat on a couch near the fireplace. "I really like you a lot."
The memory faded out. Severus fought to bring it back into focus.
"Oh, well, thank you." Agnes blushed with Lucius's bluntness.
"We've known each other, what, four years? With how much we know one another, I would rather enjoy getting to know you biblically."
Time stood still. Agnes felt her heart drop in fear. "Wh-what?"
"You heard me," Lucius leaned in closer. "Biblically." His lips curled into a devilish smile. Warm air scent cold chills down Agnes's spine. "Lucius I don't…"
Lucius pulled the shoulders of Agnes's robes down to reveal her Hogwarts uniform blouse. Roughly, he unraveled the tie at Agnes's neck.
"Lucius, no! Stop!"
The upperclassman's hand pulled and popped the shirt buttons off. Lucius leaned in even more closer and suckled the skin under Agnes's ear.
"I said st-" The rest of her sentence was muffled from a hand class over her mouth.
Her words faded to nothingness as the memory disappeared. With great concentration, Severus forced it through his mind. He remembered this day, but he didn't know what had happened before he had intervened.
"What the bloody hell is going on here?"
Lucius jumped and looked up at the voice. "Oh, Severus, Agnes and I must have gotten carried away."
"Strange... I could have sworn I heard the girl say stop. I believe that is called rape. And, if I recall, Blackwood is only fourteen. Underaged. I suggest you go about your business somewhere else, Malfoy, with an of-age and consenting party."
"Look here, Snape!"
"No, you look here, Malfoy. Slughorn's office isn't very far. Aside from that, I don't think you'd want to make the top of the list of the Blackwood's bad sides. Which is it going to be?"
Agnes tried to push Severus away from that memory. She had forgotten that one and wanted to move on. With her slight disorganization, several images flashed. One memory caught Severus's attention. Agnes pushed him away once more, but Severus dove deeper.
Agnes laid in a bath with candles lit around the room. She looked to be a fifth year - the term after Severus graduated. But something was wrong. Water wasn't supposed to be a deep crimson.
Drown my will to fly. Here in the darkness I know myself. I can't break free until I let it go. Agnes's images of Severus seeped through the memory's cracks.
Darling I forgive you. After all, anything is better than to be alone. And in the end I guess I had to fall. Always find my place among the ashes. I can't hold on to me. Wonder what's wrong with me?
The memory fades as Agnes in the bath loses consciousness.
Severus pushed away from Agnes's mind in his disbelief. Had she...? More flashing of images invaded, but he had cancelled the legilimens spell.
Now Agnes focused on Severus. His shock had allowed her to go into his mind and continue what he started. She had to show Severus enough to make him believe her.
Agnes hissed in pain as she shifted into a more comfortable position. The Headmaster had her admitted into St. Mungo's Hospital to see to the gashes on her thighs and for a mental evaluation.
The room was a blinding white. The plus side to her hideously white clothes being that her backside was covered. Agnes had heard talk from the muggle-born and half-bloods of the Muggle hospital gowns exposing you completely in the back. She was grateful for that at least.
Agnes reached for the pumpkin juice on the hospital tray beside her as the door opened. The paper cup dropped to the pristine floor with a splash. Agnes physically tensed once she recognize the visitor.
"How are you doing?"
"Terrible once your hideous face showed itself," Agnes growled.
"Come now, is that any way to treat a friend?"
"Friends don't advance on their friends, Lucius. Predators do. And seeing as how you're wearing long sleeves in the middle of July, that title suits you rather well."
"Whatever do you mean by that?" Lucius smiled. Agnes could see that the light that was in the man's eyes the first day they had met was gone.
"Don't be thick. The Dark Mark. You have it now, don't you? Practically every Slytherin that graduated last year ran off and became Death Eaters."
"My, my, you're more worldly than you let on." Lucius took a seat in the chair across from the foot of the bed. "Well, it shouldn't come as a surprise to you. There are great opportunities to be had here. Once we rid our world of those filthy mudbloods, the order of things will return to as it should be. But of course your parents must have already told you all of this."
Agnes looked down to her hands upon her lap. Her thoughts turned to the man that she had grown to love. "And what of Severus?"
"Oh, why Severus has shown the Dark Lord that he possesses great amounts of potential. Why he may even become the Dark Lord's right-hand man."
Agnes said nothing. She had thought Severus to be different. He must not have been to have just followed the crowd.
She thought back to the reason of her being her. She had heard talk among the visitors that had come to see her parents. One had mentioned a new Death Eater that matched Severus's description. The thought of him joining the likes of them… Agnes couldn't bear it.
"Well, I must be going now. It looks as though you need your rest." Lucius stood to make his leave. Agnes said nothing as she heard footsteps accompanied by the opening and closing of the door.
Severus, why? Why become just another statistic?
It was chillingly quiet. Lightning flashed in the sky above. Agnes could see a window shutter on the second floor of the house creak and moan in the heavy winds. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as she held out her arms and levitated skywards. She knew whatever greeted her would only be bad.
Just as she had feared, her heart crumpled in on itself. Severus held her in his arms - Lily; now Lily Potter. Her limp, gray body lie lifeless his embrace. His sobs - his sobs were the worst sound Agnes had ever heard. A tear cascaded down the side of her nostril. Followed by another that was lost to the howling wind.
In her despair, the focus to the levitation spell slowly dwindled. Down Agnes floated at a steady pace. She watched the quivering black heap become a windowsill. Then the siding of the house. When her feet made contact with the earth, Agnes fell to her knees and bawled. The whistling winds masked her primal cries from any unwelcome ears. Agnes cried tears not of sympathy, but of a loss of her own. After all this time since that fateful day, Severus still fawned after that Gryffindor. The girl that had shattered him those years ago. The girl that had Severus wrapped around her finger. Agnes cursed her name as she dwelled on the opportunities that could have been had Lily Evans never existed.
The grayscale images melted away to be replaced by brown tear-threatened eyes. Severus didn't know what to focus his gaze on. The thing he had loathed this woman for was due to himself. She had become a Death Eater for him. Hell, she had almost killed herself. All because of him. Having been in the same position himself, Severus could relate to this woman. A wave of shame pulled him under. Shame for all his ill-willed actions and words. Severus wanted to say something, but he couldn't speak. What would he say? Perhaps he had gravely misjudged her.
"I have a class to get to," is what came out of his mouth. Not the best thing in the world, but it was words.
"Right," Agnes mumbled as she nodded.
Severus briskly marched to the door. Unspoken thoughts froze his gait.
"Yes?" Agnes asked.
"Blackwoo- Agnes."
Her heart fluttered as his voice spoke her name. Her first name.
"Do stop by dinner tonight. There's a nasty rumor going about that you have an eating disorder. Some have even heard you were a vampire."
"Oh… Well, we can't have that, can we?"
"No", Severus agreed.
Lively music filled the air of the classroom. Juno tapped her foot to the rhythm as she searched the bookshelf.
"Professor Blackwood, what is this?"
"The Muggles call this type of music rock. Other Muggles call it alternative. They can never agree on anything." Agnes blew air across the hand that she had been filing her nails. "Most of the songs are about love and relationships.
"Have you ever had much experience with love, Professor?" Juno sat at a desk in the front row with her chin resting against the heels of her palms.
"I wouldn't say so. I haven't nabbed myself a husband, yet, have I?"
"Why Professor! I find that hard to believe. You're the most beautiful woman I know!"
"Why thank you, Juno, but looks aren't everything."
"Do you have your eye on anyone at all?" Juno prodded.
"It is not proper for a lady to divulge and such talk."
"You fancy Professor Snape, don't you?"
Agnes's body tensed and her visage became serious. "What on earth gave you that idea?"
"Only that he drops by quite often. Professor Snape is a very serious and secretive person. Going visiting is out of character but love makes people change, Professor."
"Juno I can assure you that Professor Snape doesn't hold any romantic feelings for me." After all that she's witnessed, Agnes laughed at the idea of Severus holding any feelings for her other than hatred.
"How can you be so sure? What with how much he comes over to your classroom."
And my chambers, Agnes thought.
"Anytime Professor Snape was here was to deliver a parchment or run some other kind of errand for Dumbledore." Agnes waved her hand to dismiss any opposing ideas.
Juno crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "He's lying, Professor. Everyone knows that as the Head Mistress it is McGonagall who deals with the organizing of Hogwarts."
"McGonagall also has her own responsibilities. Such as her job as a professor. The woman has classes to teach."
Juno sighed in frustration. Professor Blackwood had a point. Juno skimmed across the room at all the different Magical Theory charts and diagrams. The student's eyes glowed as realization dawned. " "Come to think of it, Professor," she said. "You didn't deny fancying Professor Snape." A coy smile stretched across the Slytherin's lips.
Agnes picked up a parchment and pretended to read the scrawled words. "What of it?" she asked.
"Well, do you?"
Agnes threw down the parchment, the material crackling under her hand. "And what if I do?"
"Well, I wouldn't understand why, but it would be exciting nonetheless. Ooo, a Hogwarts love story between two professors! How are you going to tell him?"
"What?" Juno's question had completely caught Agnes off guard.
"How are you going to tell him?" Juno repeated.
"Ah, well, he might already know," Agnes blushed thinking of the recent events with Severus.
"Really?" Juno scooted to the edge of her seat. "What next, then?"
"He doesn't share my feelings. That's how it's been since we were students ourselves," Agnes admitted.
"How sad. There's only one thing to do, then." Agnes shot Juno questioning gaze. "You have to catch his eye - grab his attention."
"Juno, I don't think I should. If it's been this long with no results, nothing's going to come of it."
"Professor, you've only got to try!"
"I said no," Agnes stated with finality. "I don't wish to proceed. It will be time for dinner soon. We should head to the Great Hall."
Defeated for the time being, Juno dropped the subject. The student gathered her things to make her leave. "Professor?"
"Yes?" There was an edge to Agnes's voice.
"When's your birthday?"
"Uh…," Agnes stammered in surprise. This girl is full of random questions. "September nineteenth. Why?"
"Only curious. Too bad that it's already passed. I would have told you happy birthday if I had known."
"There's always next year." Agnes assured her.
If I make the cut next year.
"I'll be sure to remember it," Juno beamed. "See you at dinner, Professor." Juno pick up her quills and left.
Agnes rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and shook her head in exasperation. That girl was full of surprises.
Agnes took the empty seat at the staff's table beside Severus. Again. The food had only just started to appear on the silver serving platters when she arrived. Dumbledore turned to regard her presence. "Ah, Professor Blackwood. So nice of you to join us," the Headmaster greeted. Agnes gave the Headmaster a weak smile as she nodded a greeting in return. Dumbledore smiled as well, only genuine, as he turned back to his meal.
Agnes followed the headmaster's lead and served herself a sample of chicken. "So where'd you hear this eating disorder nonsense?"
Severus finished chewing his mouthful of food before replying, "I heard the source was one of those you had recently made an enemy."
"Oh really?" Agnes peeked down to steal a glance at Professor Flitwick. He was in a deep conversation with Professor McGonagall. "And what a lovely team they make. With nothing better to do than spread gossip."
"As far as I've witnessed, all McGonagall had to say on the matter was an obviously feigned, 'oh, why, the poor girl!'" Severus paused to wipe his mouth with a napkin. "They look down on us, you know. It's always a matter of house."
Severus and Agnes ate in content silence.
Perhaps sharing my memories and opening up wasn't a bad idea at all. We're getting along again.
Agnes's ears perked. She heard Professor McGonagall going over the parchment Severus had delivered earlier.
"My apologies. I should have gone over it with you when I handed it to you during second classes. It's nothing to be concerned about. We're doing Christmas celebrations a bit differently this year. Dumbledore wanted to ensure that we're all on board."
Second classes? But that was when Severus had delivered the memo to me…
Severus and Agnes glanced to one another in choreographic unison. "Minerva," Severus asked. "Don't you have a second period class?"
Professor McGonagall was shocked by Severus's question. "Why no! I am free at that time."
Severus and Agnes fully faced each other. They then turned to Dumbledore for an explanation. Feeling their heated gazes, Dumbledore gave them a sheepish smile but said nothing.
"I don't believe this," Agnes scoffed. "He's playing matchmaker!" The latter was meant more for herself.
Severus had nothing to say in return. He continued eating in silence; only now the silence wasn't so comfortable anymore.
I can't believe him, Agnes thought. Playing Matchmaker and meddling in people's lives. Who gave him the right? What nerve! He may be the Headmaster but there are lines no one should ever dare cross.
Agnes opened the door to her chambers and hung up her robes. Beatrice greeted her as Agnes flopped to the bed. The witch petted her faithful cat. "He knows, Bea."
Beatrice rubbed her face against her owner's in reply.
Agnes stroked the feline's sleek fur as she thought on the words she had told her cat.
He does know. What she wanted him to, and a little of what she had not wanted him to. But it was too late to have any second thoughts or regrets. All she could do was hope for the best.
I hope… I hope that it's enough to at least be friends. That was enough for you with Lily, wasn't it? Hopefully we can be friends again... Having each other's backs through good and bad. I hope today made you remember…
Whatever it takes just to have something.
I love you Severus Snape...