Hey there! This is the third draft I've done for this, and I think this one's the one.

I saw a bunch of theories on a lot of places and thought of doing a fic about the three theories I loved the most. Since Black Widow isn't out yet, I'll leave it out for now, and maybe when it comes out I'll do another chapter about it.

This chapter may not be interesting, but I'm just setting everything for the rest.

I'll shut up right now, and let you enjoy this.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own theses characters and I'm not making any profit from this story.

"Why can't you hold me in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that,

Why can't it be like that?

'Cause I'm yours."

—Secret Love Song, Little Mix.

Friend.

How can a damn word hurt so much if it means so little?

Natasha didn't know, but it was frustrating her in a way nothing else ever did.

She had to remind herself constantly that she was just that, a friend, a sidekick, every single time their eyes met for longer than a second. She had to remember that she fucking stole government property in order for him and his friends to succeed in a display of friendship, totally platonic, and not of deep love.

She had to remind herself of that when he protected her from T'Challa and hugged her. She had to fight the urge to kiss him and had to shove her feelings to the back of her mind.

Do you know what she thought of it?

It was complete and utter bullshit. She couldn't even stress it enough; it was bullshit that she told herself to feel better about her wounded heart.

Sighing, Natasha shoved the covers aside, deciding that she wouldn't fall asleep again. Standing, she blindly searched for the pair of sweatpants on the back of the chair to put them on. Then, she walked towards the big glass wall.

The moon was bright, completely full; the stars were out, a thing she never saw on New York, not even on the Barton's farm; the forest that bordered the palace was deep and menacing, producing sounds that sent chills across her body. Over the course of the three days they had already been there, she came to the conclusion that Wakanda was a snipped of paradise that she had the fortune to wake up to.

Sadly, at the moment it was too much. The moonlight made her feel exposed and triggered back the memories to the only time she managed to escape de Red Room; the forest made her uncomfortable and fearful as if something could break from it and take away her friends sleeping on the rooms next to hers. And, most importantly, the awareness of how close Steve was, only apart by a wall, made her feel desperate and frustrated, and the fact that if she wanted she could just stay quiet and listen to every little noise he made. For the sake of her sanity, she decided not to.

Perhaps a bath would help her to relax and forget that, in a matter of hours, she would be on the run again.

Grabbing the cellphone that Shuri gave her —with the most recent technology, something that not even Tony had— she marched towards the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Maybe this time she would do something good.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she sighed. Her cheeks were sunken, and she looked deadly pale —which, after two weeks on the run after robbing not only Sam's wingsuit but also all of their money, was understandable —; the frown lines on her forehead were pronounced, and her eyes looked empty.

"So much for the deadly Black Widow." She muttered, dropping her eyes to the sink.

Natasha turned around and went to the bathtub to run the water. As she sat on the edge, she began searching for the only thing that made her happy in those moments: music.

As Daniel in the Den filled her ears, she began to undress. Soon enough, she was tapping her feet to the rhythm, muttering the words so only she could hear it. By the time the tub was filled with warm water, the song had finished, leading to another one.

As she grabbed a bottle of bubble soap, her breath got caught in her throat and her eyes began to burn.

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I want to shout it from the rooftops.

Clearing her throat, she filled the water with bubbles and turned to change the song. "Shit," she muttered when the cellphone slipped through her fingers thanks to the soap.

Once she changed the song to a less relatable one, she finally stepped inside the tub, letting the water relax her muscles.

In front of the tub there was a full-body mirror, showing her the way her red hair curled on the ponytail and fell on her shoulders. There, in the middle of an unknown country, staring at her reflection, was a simple woman who tried to run away from her past.

Two questions filled her mind. One: who the hell thought it was a good idea to have a big ass mirror in front of the damn tub? And two: which color should she do next?

Black was definitely out of the question; the only time she tried it, it just looked horrible on her. Brown hair was discarded since it was quite close to her actual color. This time, unlike the others, she wanted something that lasted, not like wigs: she wanted that change to reflect the fact that she was changing inside, that she was trying to make up for her mistakes for good, and that she was willing to die with it.

Maybe blonde? Even a permanent to make it straight? Yeah, that had to work somehow.

A soft knock kicked her out of her thoughts, and she instantly knew who that was. Sighing, she scrubbed her body quickly and stood up.

"A minute." She said, searching for the robe. Once she found it, she wrapped herself on it and walked towards the door. Counting to three, she put on an easy smile. There, with his stupid grey sweatpants and his tight t-shirt and messy hair and just being overall him, was Steve, with sleepy eyes and a yawn leaving his mouth. She pushed him slightly so she could get out of the bathroom, and he followed her.

"Uh, I knocked but you didn't answer and… sorry." He rubbed his neck, anxiously, flashing her an apologetic smile. "I thought you would be sleeping and when you didn't open I thought…"

"I couldn't sleep anymore," Natasha said, shrugging. Steve sat at the feet of the bed and fiddled with his thumbs.

"It's been two full months, Nat. No one's gonna look out for you." Steve said, lifting his eyes. The hurt in those beautiful blue irises almost got her to ditch all her plans and just stay in his arms.

That's why she turned around and knelt on the floor to take out fresh clothes. If she stared at him one more damn second, it would be fatal.

"I know. But I have to see what's going on there. Someone tipped me about…" a shiver ran through her spine. She got up and walked towards the bathroom. As much as she wanted him to see her completely vulnerable, in the most intimate way, she knew two things: he wouldn't allow it, and they were just friends.

God, what she would give to find the person who gave her personal hell a name and beat the shit out of them.

When she came back, he had his back against the wall, his arms crossed above his chest, and he was snoring like a bear. Smiling, feeling her heart thundering against her ribcage, she laid next to him, keeping a somewhat reasonable distance between them —as much as she wanted to lay her head against his chest, there were boundaries—.

Her dreams that night were worse than any nightmare she ever had because they were all she wanted and couldn't get, all she would've been able to reach if not for the Red Room, but also all she got thanks to it.

A family.

Aleksei was dead as far as she knew, and even if he wasn't, he was dead to her world anyway. Her parents… did she even have a single memory of her parents? She was pretty sure she didn't. Yelena… that blonde bitch who was the closest thing to a sister.

It's not like the Avengers were a perfect family, even on their glory days. The bickering coming from the kitchen early in the mornings when Tony stopped by made it feel worth it to get up to pick up her freshly brewed cup of coffee, made by either Bruce or Steve on the early days, and sometimes brought to her bed by Vision or Wanda when she needed to talk with her. The training sessions in which she got to wipe the smug smile on Tony's face, or when Clint snorted at her under her thighs before giving up were truly two of the most gratifying moments of her week.

At the very least Clint would have the time to be with his family, watch Nathaniel grow up, and teach Lila how to properly use a bow.

She felt someone rub her arm to wake her up. Groaning, Natasha opened her eyes to find Steve's curious irises looking at her from above. Her head rested on his bicep, and his arm was wrapped around her shoulders.

"As much as I didn't want to wake you up," Steve said, "you need to leave early to catch the train."

Nodding, Natasha sat up before letting the feeling of familiarity sink in.

"Unless you want to see me naked…" she teased, smirking. Steve turned red and shook his head, smiling shyly. The moment he left, she cursed under her breath.

Dark jeans, a navy tank top, her favorite boots, and a leather jacket that reminded her of every day she was an Avenger.

Chuckling, unamused, she shoved the clothes she used the night before inside the backpack, hastily.

It was ironic, the fact that all she wanted to stop doing was running from everything, and yet it was all she could do right now if she wanted to stay free and maybe do more for everyone, more for those girls.

She was saved after she did many things she now regretted, she wouldn't let those girls turn into that monster she once was.

With a newfound confidence, she checked herself in the mirror.

"At least let me do your hair. One last time." Natasha chuckled at Wanda's request, but nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed.

As the younger woman began braiding her hair, she couldn't help but think about them all, about what would Clint be doing. She was pretty sure that Nathaniel had already said his first words, but he couldn't show her how big her godson was, or the way he said 'aunt' and imagined all the stories that now only Clint could tell him.

"What are you guys going to do?" Natasha asked, focusing on Wanda's pretty eyes filled with tears. Over the year or so she was with them, they had turned close, bonded like sisters who had spent their whole lives together. Wanda sighed and tucked at a hair tie on her wrist to finish the braid.

"I don't know. Steve said that we're moving over to some low-profile city soon after we get some supplies from another city." Wanda patted her shoulders and squeezed them. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"Hey, don't be sad. I'll come back soon. After I…" she cleared her throat, feeling the familiar knot forming. "After all those girls are safe. I don't want them to turn into something like me, like the woman I used to be."

"I get it, but…" the younger woman pouted, and she looked really to kick the floor in desperation. "Why can't we go with you? Why can't I go with you?"

"This is my fight, Wanda. The same way I let you fight yours, you should let me fight mine." Natasha turned around and rested her hands on Wanda's shoulders, "this is between me and the Red Room, okay? If you got hurt from it… I wouldn't forgive myself."

Wanda nodded, tears coming down her face. Natasha used the sleeve of her jacket to wipe a few off. "I get it, I get it." She muttered.

"Take care of those idiots, please." Both laughed, and Wanda nodded, her face a little brighter than before.

Grabbing her backpack and making sure that she didn't leave anything behind, she walked out of the room with Wanda behind her.

Bucky was the first one to notice her. Smiling sheepishly, he stood up and extended his only arm.

"Once again, I'm sorry for everything I did while I was still the Winter Soldier. I want you to know that I'm a completely different person." Natasha shook his hand and nodded. Pulling him for a hug, she saw Steve out of the corner of her eye, discreetly wiping his eyes.

"When I come back we'll have time to kick each other's ass," she joked, winking at him. Bucky nodded and patted her back before returning to the medical bed Shuri had assigned him to.

Before she could talk to the Princess, she raised her hand and pressed a few buttons on her tablet.

"If you're not keeping it, destroy it when you get out of the town," Shuri then turned to face her. "Keep the chip, use it on another phone and it won't be traceable."

"Thank you, Your Highness." Shuri scowled and rolled her eyes. "I'll keep the formalities to your brother, then."

"Oh, God, thank you, Natasha." The younger woman smiled and hugged her. "Hope to see you soon to keep on making fun of my brother." Her brother chuckled and got closer to them.

"King T'Challa, I must thank you for all you've done for me, especially given our… differences," she smiled, nervous. Over the years she learned to trust nobody, especially if you betrayed them first. "I do hope to pay you for this soon."

"Don't bother, you've done enough." He extended his arm and they shook hands. "Hope to see you again, Miss Romanoff."

"Same as well, Your Highness."

Steve was back at the corner, looking up, with his hands on his hips. Instead of reaching him, she turned to Sam. Postponing the most difficult goodbye was both a good thing and an awful one.

"We'll be back together, Tasha. If you need anything, just call Redwing." Natasha rolled her eyes with amusement and hugged him.

"I actually am gonna miss that thing of yours." She said, smiling. Sam nodded and let her go, pointing at Steve.

"I hope you know that I'm the one he's gonna cry with at three in the morning." He winked and turned to go with Wanda, who was now fully crying.

Tapping his shoulder, she could feel her whole body trembling. That was it.

"I better get going." She muttered. Steve nodded and wrapped his arms around her, burying his nose on her hair.

"I know. I just… I really wish we could go with you." He muttered. They broke the embrace, but kept their foreheads joined.

"You know you can't." She whispered, closing her eyes, taking in his essence.

Someone cleared their throats and Natasha looked around, finding Okoye.

"You're going to miss your train." She said, urging her. Natasha nodded and hugged Steve one last time before walking away.

Turning around to see her friends one last time, she tried her best to smile.

"See you in a minute."

Then she walked away, to the train that could take her to the last place she ever wanted to go back.

Her first home.

Now, there won't be a regular update schedule since I like doing things as I go, which means that I might as well publish another chapter tomorrow or the next month, who knows? I'll try to update every week, though, I'll do my best.

Anyway, let me know if you liked this, leave a review and all that stuff.