I begin school next Monday (for which I'm crying, since I thought I still had two weeks), so I'll try to update as much as possible these days because I don't know how much time college is gonna take away from me (my guess is all of it, along with my sanity).

Anyway, here's —FINALLY!— some Romanogers. I wanted to do a slow burn, but I'm desperate to write these two together so, well, here is some. Next chapter will be way longer, and maybe the rest will be too, I still don't know.

Enjoy!

"I was alone so long,

I didn't even know that I was lonely;

I was cold so long,

I didn't even know that I was cold.

Turned my collar to the wind,

this is how it's always been."

—All I've Ever Known, Hadestown.

Dublin was beautiful at night, especially when you're on top of the National Museum of Ireland. The view there just surpassed everything she had ever seen, but it was only thanks to the company she had.

Steve groaned by her side once he bit his burger.

"Told you. Wuff is just amazing." She smirked before biting her own. "The secret is applewood cheese."

"You know what? I'm not even gonna get mad at you for talking with your mouth full." He said. Natasha swallowed and began swinging her legs like a child, feeling the happiness flow across her body; she looked up at the sky, watching the dark, heavy clouds install on top of them, but she didn't care.

Wanda and Sam were off to a date, which they definitely didn't call a date but still was, and Vision talked with Agent Tequila.

"I really thought Wanda and Vision had a thing going on." Natasha stared at her burger as she talked, daring the melted cheese to slip out of the meat. Ever since the injection, she felt hungrier, and with the need to burn more calories than usual.

Steve sighed by her side and swallowed.

"They had. But, you know, he pretty much put her in The Raft, even if he didn't know what they would do to her," he paused, looking at the horizon, his face suddenly becoming darker. "You don't know what they did to her in there, I don't even know, Sam won't tell me." He bit his burger once again to keep himself from talking too much.

"I think I have an idea," Natasha muttered. "Clint told me he heard her screaming quite often, and he made me promise to keep him updated on Wanda... not that I could, though." Steve placed a hand on her shoulder, which made her look at him straight in the eye.

"You had to go, you had to save them," he paused to clean his mouth and his beard, making her chuckle; "now, I haven't asked you anything about it, because I'm pretty sure you don't want to talk about it, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, you know?"

Natasha nodded, a lump forming in her throat. It might as well be the cheese. "Yeah, I know." It definitely wasn't the cheese, but she liked to pretend that it was.

The night was peaceful, and thus she decided to keep it that way by not disturbing neither of them with her horrendous memories. Instead, she leaned over Steve's shoulder and kept on eating her burger, enjoying the view, the food, and the company.

But it was almost impossible since Steve's words triggered something inside her that she couldn't hold back: Coulson's memories. She saw what that drug did to him, what it did to Garrett, and she still took the chance because she didn't want to leave Steve alone. She saw him while he was in TAHITI, she knew everything about his recovery, and yet, she fucking did it.

Steve wrapped an arm around her shoulders after wiping his hands, bringing her closer to him. She ate the last bite of her food and placed her hand on Steve's knee. Then again, they weren't a couple, but it still felt like they were. Sam and Wanda were probably not the only ones in negation, after all.

"I thought I lost you for one second, and I truly don't want to think it ever again," he whispered; "I cannot lose you, Nat. God, I don't know what I would do if I lost you." He kept on saying that as if it was his mantra, which made her heart jump.

"How about we drink directly from the bottle and forget about life for a second?" Natasha asked, smirking. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving if I can prevent it."

Steve tried to laugh, the sound getting trapped on his throat, and nodded. He opened the bottle of cheap wine they bought and opened it, placing his lips against it and swinging his head backward to take a large sip.

Carefully, she took the bottle and did the same, feeling the sweet wine go down her throat, trying to not think about the fact that Steve's saliva was in it and that it technically was a kiss, according to Tony.

"Since I drank Bruce's DNA, we pretty much kissed." Said Tony, setting the bottle of beer down. Bruce grimaced, but laughed along anyway. Natasha simply smirked and took a sip from her wine, staining the glass.

"Can I have some?" Steve asked. Natasha shrugged and passed him the glass, watching him turn it to avoid the place where her lips were painted, and took a large sip.

"Can I have some?" present-day Steve asked, pointing at the bottle. She nodded and let him take the bottle away.

A tiny voice in her head told her to stop doing that, to stop acting like a couple. Truth be told, she didn't want to. She enjoyed hanging out with him in dangerous places, having dates that weren't considered dates, making up covers just to act as his wife, falling asleep to lies she told herself.

It was slowly wearing her out, slowly taking away her impulse control, and all she wanted to do was to rip out her heart and her brain to stop it.

Steve sighed and put the bottle down.

"What? Are you finally tired?" she asked, smirking. But Steve was completely serious, just looking at her, scanning her face, so she stopped, furrowing her brows in confusion.

"I did it." Natasha tilted her head, not sure of what he meant. Her mind felt like burning as she tried to make sense of his answer.

And then.

"Oh," was all her brain allowed her to say. "Oh," she repeated, sitting straight. Steve turned his body towards her and she did the same, giving him her full attention.

"I followed your advice, Nat. I dated her because you told me to go after her," he paused, licking his lips; "she reminds me of Peggy, of what I lost and was desperate to keep. But now I have Bucky, and I realized that I just wanted to have someone by my side."

That couldn't be happening. Her brain yelled at her, how the hell was he doing all she ever wanted him to do, and yet, she now didn't want to hear?

"Steve..."

"She isn't you, Nat." Steve tried to take her hand, but she put it on her face before he could do so. "So yes, I left her for you. I thought you weren't coming back, but now that you're here... I just can't keep acting like I don't feel anything each time I see you with Sam, or Vision, or Wanda, even though I know it's just covers."

Her head felt lighter, and her camp of vision became blurry. Her hands were shaking, she could feel the bile rising up her throat, and tears threatened to come out.

"I... Steve..." she couldn't feel her heartbeat anymore, maybe because it just stopped, or because it was beating so damn fast that her neurons didn't register it.

"I wanted to say that I wanted you to be my lover, but I couldn't let Peggy go like that." This time, she allowed him to take her hand, but could barely feel his touch. Her emotions were overloaded, and all she could think about was of a way to get the hell out of there before she jumped out of the roof they were currently sitting at. "I let her go."

"No."

"I love you, Nat."

"No." She began shaking her head, not even caring to hide the way her body was shaking.

"Nat?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." She muttered, looking at the moon like a deer looking at headlights. Steve tried to get closer to her, his face full of concern, but she stood up and began pacing. "You weren't supposed to love me."

"Why?" the hurt on his voice, God. It would be one of the few things she would have burned to her brain for the rest of her life.

"You deserve better! You were supposed to find someone better than me!" her voice broke, but all she cared about was to take everything off her chest. "You were supposed to fall for someone who could give you what you want! Not fall for a murderer, a monster!" Natasha put her hands on her hair, trying to calm down. The guards were probably on their way thanks to her yelling.

Steve looked at her in complete silence.

Finally, Natasha stopped pacing and concentrated on her breathing, trying to regain her composure and fall back into her usual facade.

But he had to talk.

"You're not a monster." He said, slowly making his way to her. "And no one's better than you." She laughed bitterly, glancing at him.

"Not even Peggy?" she asked, dry. Steve swallowed and finally took her elbow, softly pulling her towards him.

"She's gone. Stop comparing yourself." She let her hair go, the silvery curtain falling to her cheeks.

"Wow, now I magically can stop doing something I do since I was born." There it was, the douche move. It was one of the reasons why she liked Tony in the first place, all those years ago: he did the same, and he wouldn't judge her like the rest; then again, it only worsened it.

"I don't expect you to do so," Steve said, softly running his hand through her arm and shoulder. "She was my first love, I'm pretty sure you never forgot yours." When she didn't say anything, he sighed and took her other hand. "Right now, you're the I love. And I don't know if you do love me back, but this felt like the right day to do so." And the prize for the man who could break her with two sentences went to Steven Grant Rogers.

She cried, something she would remotely deny every time she told the story, but she cried like a baby. She cried for those nights she felt guilty for loving someone who wasn't hers, for the times she stopped fighting just to let the enemy get a hold of her, for those times she kept on fighting just to see his face again, for the time she begged her old friend to keep her alive with an alien substance just to stay with him.

But she cried because he loved her back.

Still, something felt wrong. She was so used to being on her own, being alone, that she didn't know how to take in his confession. Her first thought was to run away, jump out of the roof, or simply put a hand over his mouth. But now that he had his hands on her shoulders, keeping her on the ground, the only question on her mind was 'what now?'

"Care to say anything? Maybe even punch me in the face?" he said, closing the distance between them. She could feel the warmth coming out of his body, she could admire his eyes in the moonlight.

"I don't know what to do." Natasha confessed, putting her hands on his.

"Perhaps you could tell me if you love me back." He smiled, awkwardly, and her insides turned to jelly.

"Are you that dense, or are you just playing with me?" she asked, raising a brow. Steve looked at her in confusion. She let his hands go and placed hers on his chest.

Finally, he smiled and cupped her face with his hands.

"May I?" she nodded, and could've sworn she felt a shock of electricity run through her body at the moment they finally kissed. Yes, it was cheesy, and she would definitely avoid telling anyone about it, but it felt like something new.

But as she predicted, guards began filling the place, searching for a "crazy woman" who might have broken inside the museum. Laughing, she took his hand and began running across the roof to get down before they could find them.

/

To say that Wanda was in shock would be an understatement. She stopped her from yelling out of excitement, but she couldn't stop her from jumping like a little kid once she told her that Steve kissed her.

"That was, like, the most cliché thing ever, and I still love it." The younger woman finally stopped jumping and laid on Natasha's bed, smiling from ear to ear. "So are you in a relationship, then?" she asked, playing with the sleeve of her shirt. That stopped Natasha from reaching her backpack.

Were they? He never asked her, and she definitely didn't know how the hell to proceed from there. She sat down by Wanda's side, and shrugged.

"If I'm honest, I don't know. I love him and shit, but... I don't know what to do." She sighed, looking at her friend. "It's weird to me. I just... I don't know if I'm ready for something this big."

"Don't worry, whatever you decide, I'm sure he'll understand." Wanda reached for her knee and squeezed it, an act of confidence that Natasha appreciated more than her words. "Just to get it out of the way, I had a crush on you." Natasha looked at her, deadpan.

"You really need to hide your emotions better, Wanda," she tossed a pillow to her head, laughing; "I was aware of it, and I'm happy you told me." She placed her back on the headboard, crossing her arms on her chest. "What are you and Sam up to? Are you dating?" Wanda blushed, and that gave Natasha all the information she needed. She was more than happy for her friends, especially Wanda; after all the shit she went through, both on her own and with her brother, she deserved to be happy, to move on in life and be better.

"I'm planning on officially asking him out," Wanda confessed, rolling until she was on her belly, and began playing with her rings.

"But you're nervous and don't know how to do it without facing the sadness of rejection," Natasha dramatized. "Just do it. I learned that every time you wait for something it's just more painful and hard to do it, so just ask him." She reached Wanda's head to pet her hair.

"I also don't want to hurt Vision's feelings... again." She sighed, dropping her face on the pillow Natasha threw at her previously.

"He'll understand. Besides, it's not your fault you fell for someone else." As Wanda, nodded, Natasha laughed internally. Why the hell couldn't she follow her own damn advice?

"Alright, I'll go do it now before I chicken out." Saying this, she stood up and ran a hand through her hair to smooth it. "Thank you." With that, she turned around and ran out of the room.

Smiling at this, Natasha got up to find the remote. She felt good with herself, something that hadn't happened in years, and it felt good. Just as she sat back, the door opened, revealing Steve already in his pajamas.

"Hey there." He said, softly. She nodded at him and tried to hide her smile.

"Hey there." Her mind became a screaming mess again, but she decided to ignore it and focus entirely on the man in front of her. The man who loved her.

"I, uh, Wanda pretty much kicked me out of my room to talk to Sam," he sat on the bed; "so I decided to come and check on you. How are you feeling? After, you know, we kissed?" he looked like a high schooler in love, and she was sure that the look on her face was the same. You have to be honest or you'll hurt him, she told herself.

"I don't want a relationship." Natasha felt as if a huge box full of vibranium fell off her shoulders. "I don't think I'm ready to be in one yet."

"Oh, okay." She could taste the sadness on his voice, and tried to keep her heart in one piece.

"I just... I've been alone for so long I don't know how else to be anymore," she reached for his hand and began rubbing his palm with her thumb. "Can we take it slow?" Steve looked at her in the eyes and nodded.

"Yeah... I don't want to rush this." He licked his lips, and Natasha mentally added that to the list of things he did when he was nervous or unsure. "If I'm honest I don't even want it to begin, because then, at one point, it will have to end, and I don't want it to end."

Natasha smiled and cupped his face, feeling his beard between her fingers. She leaned over and placed a small kiss on his lips before returning to her original position.

"Maybe it won't end." That was probably the biggest lie she had ever told anyone and herself, but she was being so optimistic that she shut down the other parts of her mind: the realistic parts.

For once, all she wanted was to feel happy, no matter how bad her current situation was.

I listened to Hadestown (once again, that musical is seriously amazing) and trust me, it gave me more angsty ideas than anything else, so prepare to watch them rise and fall (though we all know where it happens).

Anyway, leave a review and I'll respond to it once the page decides to show it to me (they appear three days or more after you leave them, sorry for not doing it earlier).

See ya!