TW- cutting and suicidal thoughts/attempted suicide. Please read with caution if these bother you.
Chapter 6: Hesitation
I watched as Esme and Charlie talked while seated on the couch across from me. I had woken nearly ten minutes prior, confusion and happiness wrapped up in one only for it to plummet into a pit in my stomach.
Edward was acting odd. Once he had made sure I was okay, he stayed as far away from me as possible while still making sure I was within view.
I couldn't figure out why. I could feel the connection. It couldn't be a mistake. I could feel relief, happiness, self-loathing, and fear coming from his side of the bond. Why did he hate himself so much? Couldn't he feel me the same way I can feel him? Didn't he know how much his rejection was hurting me?
I needed answers, and I would get them one way or another. The hum of the bond flashed for a second, warming as I searched. If it was there, then he didn't reject me. So, what was with him then?
Edward was watching me. He was trying and failing to be discrete about it, watching me from the corner of his eye, standing against the wall, arms crossed, with a frown on his lips. His golden eyes seemed to both glare and watch me in adoration at the same time. Ugh! He's so confusing!
I was only half listening to Esme as she spoke. She placed a few designs she had come up with for the tree house in front of me on the table, drawing my attention from Edward's form.
Gently, I grasp the papers between my hands and smile. There were three different tree houses drawn down. Different angles and room designs. The blueprints looked great.
I carefully look each one over and decide on one that was one room with a small loft. There was a bed on the loft, with a seat underneath the window. It would be a perfect place for me to draw from. It was accessible by either stairs or a ladder. She wrote both down as an option.
There were a few door options and window designs as well. It was perfect. Not too complex, but not too simple. It was perfect for me.
"I like it." I softly spoke, meeting her eyes and smiling softly.
A large smile lit her face. We spoke a bit more before deciding on details.
"We'll start tomorrow then. My sons and I can get the material after we leave here. For now, would you show me the tree? So we know what we need to build around?" She stood up and gathered everything back up and put it in her bag.
"Anything for my son's soulmate."
The Cullens made walking through the woods easy. Both dad and myself were stumbling around, trying not to trip while Esme and the boys seem to glide right over everything.
Once we reach the tree, Esme grins. "It's perfect." She moves quickly, speaking to Emmet as she examines the tree. I could only guess it involved how she wanted to start the tree house.
It's not long before we are ready to head back.
"Beau, you coming?" Dad smiles as I shake my head.
"I'm gonna stay here." Dad nods and Esme smiles softly. She gives me a quick hug before following my dad and the others back towards the house.
Edward frowns, worry drifting through the bond before he can hide it from me.
His eyes meet mine and I glare at him. Well, I tried to anyways. I'm probably less intimidating than a puppy.
I huff and turn my back to him. He deserved to be ignored for how he has been acting. I'll let him suffer for a bit. If he feels anything like I have been feeling since we first discovered being soulmates, he should know how hurt and angry I am.
"I'm... Not a good man, Beau. It's better off if we're not friends. I'm not good for you." His smooth voice drifts across my body, sending shivers down my spine.
I whirl around, ready to argue only to find myself alone. With my head down, I sit down with my back to the tree.
Friends? When were we ever friends? I've known him less than a week and I can only guess why he's been avoiding me. His interaction with me on my first day made my head spin. It's like he's bipolar. His words that first day made it seem like he wanted to get to know me and become friends. That misleading little bastard.
I silently send all my feeling towards his end of the bond, hoping he could feel everything down to the cells in his bones.
This sucks. Despair quickly replaces the anger and pain. Why couldn't I catch a break. Dad has told me all about soulmates. It was the only thing keeping me going besides dad himself. I had no friends, and everyone looks down on me due to my sexuality.
Forks wasn't the first school I've transferred to. I've been from school to school due to severe bullying. I figured no one would know here and I could keep it that way. Pft! Yeah right.
It's been a week since I found out Edward was my soulmate, and I felt like shit. I've thought about asking Alice, but decided against it. She hadn't messaged me either.
Edward's been ignoring me the entire time. The platform for the tree-house was finished and Esme and her boys were ready to start on the walls.
I've been watching them while they worked, though only four of the days this week they have been able to work on it, and only for a few hours each.
It was Friday once again. After this weekend I start my online classes.
Glancing at my phone, I notice it was close to midnight.
I sat there, back against the end of my bed on the floor. I had been thinking about it all week, and have managed to hide my feelings from Edward. I had made my mind up. So why was I hesitating now?
I fiddled with the pocket knife in my hands, gently turning it over from one hand to the other.
I had already done a number to my arms. Neat, red lines across my flesh, traveling up my arms on each side. Blood slowly oozed from the cuts. They weren't deep enough to kill. Just feeling the sting made my feel the slightest bit better. It wasn't the first time I cut myself, but it was the first time in an obvious place.
I had pressed the blade to the center of my wrist multiple times, ready to slice deep and up only to draw it away again.
I've been doing a lot of thinking. The Cullens were not human. Though I could only guess what, mostly due to how pale they were and how they never ate while at school. They moved so smoothly and spoke as if they were from a different time sometimes. Not to mention all of their eyes were abnormal as well.
And Edward, he didn't want me like I wanted him. Even after a week of getting flashes of his feelings before the bond slammed shut. I could feel the bond, but he was hiding his feelings. I still couldn't figure out why Edward loathed himself so much.
Rejection hurt and after doing some research, it would end up killing us. I'd rather die in my own way, instead of the slow, painful starvation and heartbreak that usually ended up claiming rejected mates. I wonder if Edward knew what he was doing to me.
Taking a deep breath, I open up my mind to the bond, more than likely slamming all my physical pain and mental anguish, assaulting my soulmate. Then I give in.
I press the knife to my wrist, only hesitating for a moment before digging it into my wrist deep. I hiss and just as I'm about to rip my knife upwards, something hard slaps the knife from my hand, breaking it in the process.
I'm too shocked to notice the pain from my broken hand. Kneeling in front of me was my Edward, his hand clasped over my wrist to stop the bleeding. I can add him being extremely fast to that list of abnormalities now as well.
Oh, he's speaking to me. My mind snaps out of shock and I whimper, tears leaking down my face as I begin to sob.
"No! Please! Just let me end it! I can't take it anymore!" Scrambling, I try desperately to get away from him and get to my knife, but his hold is strong.
"Beau! Beau, stop it! Please!" He cups my face with one hand, halting me in place as he makes me look up at him, my free arm pressed against his chest, staining his blue button up with my blood. His eyes are black. It was like a window to his soul. I could feel everything he had been hiding from me. He looked as if he was going to cry, but the tears would not fall.
He pulled me close and gave a dry sob full of sorrow. My body shuts down from shock. Edward was holding me and crying. His feelings overwhelmed me. Sorrow, pain, despair, disgust, more pain, and regret. A whole lot of regret.
My eyes slid shut just as my father came into the entry way to my room, stepping on the shattered remains of my door.
Edward caught Beau as his small body slumped forward. Edward frantic eyes met the horrified eyes of Charlie. "I-i felt him give up! I felt his pain! I couldn't feel the bond since... I thought it was a mistake, that we really weren't soulmates. I tried to push him away
, not get too excited for if he met his true soulmate. I kept getting flashes, but his mind, the bond was blocked somehow. Until tonight... It's like a Brock wall of all his pain slammed into me!" He dry heaved and sobbed, yet the tears refused to fall. He was rambling, he knew he was. He could see Charlie try to follow along.
He didn't mean to hurt Beau. He thought Beau had a soulmate out there due to only feeling the bond the first time they touched a week ago. He just thought it was a fluke. He only just realized, that his little mate was blocking him somehow without even meaning to. He was unconsciously blocking Edward.
When Edward felt a searing pain running across the skin of his arms, he knew something was wrong. He ran to Beau as fast as he could, only to prove his worst worries. Though he could not feel the bond, the mental part of their bond, he could feel the physical part. His soulmates physical pain was his own.
Edward really wished he could cry. The venom in his eyes was very irritating and he did not need that right now.
Charlie fell to his knees beside his sons soulmate and pulled his cell phone out. "I'll call an ambulance."
"No!" Edward placed a hand over the phone. "We have to get him to Carlisle. He's closer than the nearest hospital by a long shot. This-" he chokes and tries again. "This wound on his wrist is bad. It needs to be fixed now." Charlie nods and quickly races to get his keys.
Edward shifts Beau into his arms, stands up and frowns. His soulmate was way too thin and way, way to light.
He met Charlie down stairs and they are in the police cruiser in no time, lights and siren blaring.
He holds his mate closer, hoping to help cool Beau's rising temperature while keeping a good grip on the most serious wound. Even while covered in his mates blood, he felt no hunger towards him. His blood was sweet smelling, like lavender, vanilla and the forest. Beau must have spent most of the day out in the forest. Though he smelled amazing, he didn't have the urge to sink his teeth deep into the pale flesh of Beau's neck.
He couldn't help but stare at the beautiful face of his mate, mapping and memorizing every feature. "I broke his hand slapping the knife away from him." He whispers out, running his free fingers over the rapidly bruising and swollen hand.
"You did what you had to. That includes kicking in the front door." Charlie's gruff voice choked and he cleared his throat. Edward looked up, gold meeting brown in the rear view mirror. "You saved my sons life."
Edward frowns and went back to gently stroking soft skin and watching Beau's face.
This could have been avoided if they had just sat down and talked to figure things out. The boy in his lap was his soulmate, his other half. He felt what Beau felt when they first found out. He was so happy and relieved and then it had slammed shut. And by the looks of it, Beau didn't know Edward couldn't feel the bond.
Another reason he stayed away was because Edward saw himself as a monster, while his mate had a pure and innocent soul. He didn't deserve a mate like Beau. Beau deserved so much more in Edward's eyes, and it was his doing that caused his mate so much pain and sorrow.
He will never do this to Beau again. If Beau can ever forgive him, he was willing to accept everything, and try to be the best mate for his little Beau.
Bending down, he kissed his mates pale forehead, eyes closing in pain. His mate was in so much pain that his soul was screaming for relief. And Beau's pain? It wasn't all physical. Only time could heal the mental and emotional pain, and Edward would be there the entire time to help.
When Beau wakes, Edward had a lot of explaining to do.