Week Seven: Peter & Alicia—Part I

"You seem to be in a good mood today," said Adam, taking a second to ease into his seat and open his leather-bound notebook to a crisp page. "I gather it has been a pleasant week so far?"

Peter unbuttoned then widened his suit jacket and sank further into the cushion as he nodded, a smirk forming on his lips. "It has, for the most part. I'm sure Alicia will echo the same once she gets here."

Adam returned a warm smile. "I look forward to hearing more about it."

"You know, " he began to ruminate while stroking his jaw, "years ago I used to think therapy was pointless. I found it hard to believe a person's life could change after an hour or so for a period time. No offense, by the way."

Adam nonchalantly shrugged. "None taken."

"Prison changed that outlook for me. And here I am again hoping therapy helps our marriage…and family."

"I am pleased to hear you found it can be helpful."

Peter drummed his fingers along the armrest, his thoughts trailing to his resistant wife. "I just wonder if Ali—"

"I'm so sorry I'm late." Both men turned their attention to the disheveled woman breezing through the door. "A meeting ran over." She quickly took a seat on the couch beside Peter, almost right against him.

"Not a problem," said Adam. His eyes centered on their—he was positive—unintentional closeness, his interest immediately perked. Despite the fact some time had elapsed since they've had a session, their organic proximity on the sofa was nothing short of a surprise.

"Glad you made it," Peter said, his playful eyes looking her over before he cracked a smile. She grinned in return as she brushed her hair from her face and cleared her mind for the next hour. "Everything good at work?"

"Mm-hmm," she nodded.

"Ah, well now that you are here, we can truly begin." Adam clicked his pen, ready to document what he already felt would be an enriching session. "Considering a few weeks have passed since we last met, let us begin with a recap of the previously proposed exercise then anything else that has happened."

He studied their positioning a second more, wondering if the assignment was the reason behind this change of space.

"Were you able to succeed in completing the last exercise by going out together?"

"Yes," answered Peter.

Adam's eyebrows rose in intrigue. "That is excellent news." He crossed his legs and braced his elbows along the arms of his chair. "Where did you go? What did you talk about?"

Peter looked to Alicia as he wiggled his brows. She bashfully smiled, catching his hint.

"Um, well," she licked her lips, trying to ignore the butterflies beginning to swirl in her stomach, "we met for lunch and…talked about some of our issues. After leaving the restaurant, Peter came by my apartment and fixed a leaky faucet before heading home."

Adam's brows dropped then furrowed at her vague recap. From the astounding peace and smear happiness radiating from them, he was prone to believe more occurred than a cordial lunch and appliance repair.

"And what did you talk about while you were at the restaurant and while Peter fixed the faucet? What was the nature of your dialogue?"

"I think it was more so…acknowledgement," said Peter. "Granted, we've discussed a host of issues while here, it felt like we genuinely heard each other for the first time, in a long time. Things were sort of put into perspective. At least for me." He looked to Alicia who was slowly beginning to dread this line of questioning, knowing their moment under the sink and at the door would be brought up, to start. "How about you?"

She took a second longer to ponder the question and his response. "I agree. Even though we didn't dig deep into some things, there was an unspoken agreement that we would…press forward."

Adam stared at them, and for a second, rendered speechless, practically dumfounded. Their answers were both empty and fulfilling.

"I apologize if I may sound callous, but what I am hearing is that much was not discussed nor did you come close to the objective of the exercise. However, the closeness emanating between the two of you says otherwise."

As if on cue, their eyes met briefly followed by a quick observance of their positioning before Alicia subtly adjusted her posture to lean outward to the right, away from him. Peter took note, hoping the comment didn't ignite an erosion of their progress.

"You may have a point," Peter admitted. "We didn't discuss certain things in detail, but we communicated respectfully. We listened to each other, and didn't argue. Although minimal, it was all still, a stepping stone. I think that's more successful than just talking about my infidelities and the miscarriages, for example."

Adam nodded. "I see. So there was a mutual agreement that you would be…cordial? And a unanimous decision to leave the conflicts we have discussed, in the past, and focus on the present and future?"

Peter shrugged his shoulders. "In a sense, yes."

"But it does not work that way." Adam laid his pen along the middle fold of his notebook as he thought for a potted second. "Say for instance, you two get into an argument about your children, and insults are hurled in the heat of the moment. Either of you might bring up resentments from the past, which can catapult into rebirthing other unresolved resentments causing a reversal of the advancements we have made thus far." He noticed the bemused expression on both their faces and recognized he needed to further explain.

He carried on, "If you thoroughly discuss the underlying issues and jointly choose to forgive and entomb them, the likelihood of your marriage remaining healthy and balanced is significantly higher versus opting to continue to graze over said issues, while progressing forward."

"So…what?" said Peter. "We need to specifically talk about the first night I slept with a prostitute? Is that what you mean?"

Alicia exhaled an uneasy breath as she rocked her head from side-to-side, confirming Adam's suspicions.

"Not exactly, but it may provide a bit more ammunition to propel you towards the place you are both on the cusp of reaching." He turned his attention to his expectedly mute patient. "Alicia, can you say that you have forgiven Peter for his infidelities?"

She slowly looked to her husband, his awaiting gaze leading her to swallow nervously. It was a question she had begun to recently ponder many nights, and pondering is all she wanted to do with that thought at the moment.

"I don't know," she whispered, quickly sweeping her gaze down to her hands.

"The simple fact that you cannot give a definitive answer leads me to believe that you have not." He ran his index finger over his upper lip, contemplating his next best modus operandi to get them to the milestone they were on the verge of achieving. "What would it take for you to forgive Peter and consider a future together?"

She immediately felt the weight of her husband's stare, knowing their near three months of therapy had lead to this moment. It was paralyzing, the pressure feeling as if it had her jailed to the seat. However she responded, she knew without a doubt would make or break their growth. Adam was pushing hard with good reason, and she honestly had no reason to debunk his guidance.

"As I've said before…time." Her eyes met that of her woeful husband's; the mirrored disappointment clenched her heart. "It will just take time."

"Have you truly accepted Peter was unfaithful?"

She scoffed at his question. "Do I have a choice?"

"Yes, you do."

Peter watched her, keenly aware this was one of the main questions she tactfully avoided when they were alone, and while in this room. She pushed it into the recesses of her mind and avoided it like the plague when presented.

"I'm sorry," he said tenderly, not knowing whether it would help or whether it was the direction their counselor wanted to lead. She pivoted her gaze back on him, her green orbs swarmed with grief. "I'm sorry I betrayed our wedding vows. And for breaking your heart."

He'd uttered those two words infinitely during the past two years. I'm sorry…I'm sorry. While she heard them, she never received them. But sitting with him on this couch, today, it felt like she was finally hearing them, and actually believed him.

"Thank you for that," she whispered.

Glancing to Adam who had resigned to his predicted silence, she knew what he was encouraging her to say without moving a muscle. This is what he had wanted them to do during their exercise. She opened her mouth, and then shut it quickly. Her stomach was in knots, her tongue laden as the beat of her heart began to throb in her chest. The words she desperately needed to say, even now were hard to manage.

"I'm," she slowly started, "sorry for not letting you be there when I needed you, and for laying blame on you when I also contributed to us losing our way."

Somberly smiling, Peter reached down to cover her hand, surprised when she didn't pull away.

"And yes, I…acknowledge your affairs," she said, looking to Adam, a subtle stab at his prior, unwelcome remark, "but I'm still coming to terms with…accepting that flaw. I know you probably think that I'm still punishing you in some way."

"No," he interwove their fingers, "I don't."

She peeped down at their joined hands, momentarily focusing on the shine of his wedding band. "I'm not." She met his gaze again. "I'm not punishing you. I'm just…still processing it all."

"I know it's going to take work to really regain your trust again. But I'm willing to do the work, honey. I want us…you."

The sincerity in his gaze caused her heart to skip a beat. If someone would have told her months ago that they would be at this point, and that she would openly welcome his subtle display of affection without qualm, she would have called them crazy.

Adam jotted a quick memo before surveying them a minute more, specifically their unwavering intimate nature. They had advanced from close seating to hand holding, all without his command.

"That…was great. A true first step in moving forward. Next, we will encompass continuously building that bridge of trust, and forgiveness." He eyed Alicia knowingly. "But with time." He sat up straighter in his seat and crossed his legs, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "There is something that I am particularly curious about. In our last session, we touched on intimacy. The concept was virtually dead at the time of discussion. Now," he glanced to their hands which Alicia broke apart upon noticing his gaze, "it seems to have miraculously resurfaced. How did that happen?"

"Umm…"

She gaped at her husband, eyes wide. "Peter."

He met her alarmed gaze with a rascal smile. Stretching out his arm along the back of the couch, he continued grinning like a schoolboy much to her dismay.

"What? He's going to find out anyway."

"Find out what?" asked Adam.

"We shared a kiss since the last time we were here. There wasn't anything more…only a kiss," said Peter.

Alicia sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Ahh…" A slow smile spread across Adam's lips. "So you are easing into that territory?"

"No," Alicia quickly answered. "We had a few drinks. It just…happened. That's all."

"So it was influenced affection?"

"No, I disagree," rebutted Peter. He turned to Alicia. "You regret it?"

"No, Peter, I'm just…" She tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'm saying it's not a big deal and we're not heading into "that territory."

"I'd say it was a big deal. Nearly a month ago you wouldn't even let me touch you."

She shook her head in disbelief, mockery embedded in her tone, "You're still holding on to that?"

"I'm not holding onto anything. I'm just agreeing with how far we've come."

"I think we need to be more focused on our son right now rather than how quickly we're establishing intimacy."

Adam observed her body language for a moment, the unusually cursory defense and choleric in her voice he detected matched the plain agitation now plastered on her face. He was tempted to delve into classic Alicia Florrick deflecting, but the mention of their son was an unexpected and baiting change of course.

"Is there something going on with your son?" he cautiously asked.

Peter passed a hand over his face, deciding to shelve her dismissal of their closeness for later. "Zach was arrested last week. Some of his friends planted marijuana in his pocket."

"Wow. That is a serious charge, and I imagine upheaval for your family."

"Yeah, it was. We're still dealing with it," said Peter, "or rather…believing that it happened to our son."

"Do you suspect he is using recreational drugs?"

"He's admitted he's used them within the past two months. Even though I'm not sure I believe how active his usage is." He took a baited pause, leading Adam to squint his eyes, wondering what statement he was likely thinking to sensor. "He also mentioned he's been having a hard time since our separation and asked to stay at my place a few nights during the week."

Adam's eyes shot to Alicia who looked the other way upon his comment. "And you will keep your rotating weekends also?"

Peter pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah. We've talked about it." He glanced to his wife, knowing she was likely still fuming about the matter. "We've agreed to try it out for a month on Tuesday and Wednesdays."

"That is refreshing to hear you worked out this adjustment. The break during the week may be good for both your children as you have mentioned previously your daughter has not quite come to grasps with your separation."

"I don't see how staying with you an additional two nights will benefit him even though we agreed. I feel like this will give him more incentive to sneak out with those boys," Alicia spat.

"He won't," Peter said firmly.

"How do you know, Peter? He blatantly lied to me."

"He won't," he repeated. "He understands the severity of what happened and I'm positive he won't put himself in an environment like that again."

Alicia bit her lower lip, uncrossing then crossing her legs. Adam clued in to her continuous indignation, a stark contrast from her husband's reserved demeanor.

"I think of how he's been lately," she said. "He's different; he's raised his voice in response to me once. He wasn't like that when we lived together. It's as if his entire attitude has changed."

"He's a teenage boy," said Peter, passively.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning he's hormonal. He's going to do more than sneak out every now and then. He's going to test the limits." He stared at her, baffled, as if he didn't know why she was asking this question. "He's testing the reigns as he fills out to become a man."

"Which involves disrespecting us in the process?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." He rubbed the back of his neck a few times then released a chuckle before looking to Adam. "Help me out here?"

Adam straightened within his chair and cleared his throat. "There is nothing to help in this context. Alicia makes a fair point. Just because your son is going through the biological phase from child to adolescent, does not mean his uncharacteristic behavior should be tolerated if you do not agree." He paused to flip back through a couple pages of his notes. "I know this may be hard to hear Alicia, but studies have shown that young males, around the age of your son, tend to respond more positively to male figures in their lives versus women. Your son requesting to stay with Peter more during the week may result in a different change in his behavior. A favorable change perhaps."

She robustly shook her head and turned away.

"What?" asked Peter, knowing she was like a ticking bomb beside him right now. "What is it?"

"I don't know. It's everything." She hesitantly peered up at him. "I'm wondering how long we should keep doing this."

"Because of Zach?"

"Because of both our children, Peter. Being separated…"

"We're not going to end up like your parents," he said, remembering their conversation in his kitchen. Without asking, he knew her exact train of thought.

"But Peter, Zach and Grace haven't been themselves since we separated."

"So what's your solution?" She didn't readily answer. "We need to live together so our kids can be normal again?"

"No," she said quicker than he liked.

"Well, our only other option right now is divorce, so which is it?"

Looking away, she began to twirl her wedding band, offering nothing more on the topic.