Reconnecting — Part I

Peter aimlessly stared out the kitchen bay window at the still lake. The looming trees and deep, endless forest surrounding the tranquil, dark aquamarine waters reminded him of something from a movie. They were experiencing peak fall. The leaves danced in shades of yellow, orange and auburn, the air just crisp enough to make eyes water while the sun beamed translucent rays, providing needed warmth. Though the temperature was cooler by the lake, it was all still picture perfect and his favorite time of year to visit.

His eyes cut to the left, watching Grace chase Zach near the dock. No doubt he had some object of her possession. Despite enduring a near twenty minutes of their typical sibling argument on the drive here, he was glad to see them interacting in this capacity. He never thought he'd see the day when his teenagers were occupying themselves outside like kids and not tied to an electronic device.

"That view never gets old, does it?"

He looked behind him to see his mother coming to stand at his side at the window. Jackie folded her arms across her chest and inhaled a deep breath of pride as she surveyed the expansive backyard.

"No, it doesn't. I keep thinking about summers out here before dad got sick," he said sticking his hands in his pocket. "He loved this place."

She glumly smiled, reaching a hand up to squeeze his shoulder in agreement. "I'm glad I didn't sell it."

The sprawling three thousand and nine hundred square-foot vacation home sat on an acre of waterfront, nestled in the picturesque city of South Haven along the shores of Lake Michigan. The deceased elder Florrick purchased it decades ago. His justification of the asset was to have a place for their family to escape the bustle of the city and spend time together. After his passing, that sole intent became a distant pledge. They had not visited the property for family time in years.

When Peter mentioned to his mother he and Alicia were bringing the kids out for the weekend, it was an uphill battle to get her not to come. In the end, she won her vouch to tag along, citing her need to assess the property and see old friends.

Leaning against a window frame, Peter resumed gazing out at the water, momentarily flirting with the idea of retiring here.

"You know, mom, maybe we should think about putting it on the market. The house needs a bit of work and I don't have the time these days to come out and oversee maintenance."

She folded her arms across her chest, her lips pinched into a frown. "Your sister still wants it."

He grinned. "Of course. Wants everything handed to her. Sounds about right."

Moving to sit within a cushioned seat at the breakfast table near the window, she gazed up at her son who resembled more and more of his father as he aged.

"How are you and Alicia?" she asked.

"What?"

He distractedly responded to an email from work before taking a seat at the other end of the table. Spending a weekend with his family away from the State's Attorney office was a much needed sacrifice, which was protested by his best and brightest right up until he left earlier this afternoon. It wasn't ideal to be away in the middle of a case slated to start trial on Monday. But for once, he was fully entrusting his team and putting family first.

"Your marriage counseling." The stinging tone of disapproval in her voice made him shift uneasily in his seat. "I overheard Zach and Grace talking about it one evening."

He nodded slowly, itching to inquire about the details of her eavesdropped conversation but knew that was like opening a can of worms.

"We're … fine."

"Your father and I were married for forty years, and we never needed the help of someone else."

Not wanting to hear more of her seasoned outlook on life, he quickly rose from the table and went towards the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water.

"Yeah, and that says a lot, mom."

Hot on his heels, she licked her lips, defiance emitting from every part of her stance. "It is wrong, Peter. We're catholic."

His brows furrowed, unsure of how he should process her statement. Fortunately, his wife saved him.

"Hi. The door was unlocked so I let myself in." Alicia looked between the two nervously as she slowly placed her briefcase on the island countertop, noting the pensive expression plastered on both their faces. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all, hon. How was the drive?" asked Peter, walking over to greet her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Typical rush hour, but good." Looking between he and Jackie again, she pocketed wanting to ask what exactly she walked in on later. Her eyes roamed around the bright and airy kitchen, falling even more in love with the mix of modern and traditional décor just as she did every time she stepped in this room.

"Well, the place still looks great."

"I hope you don't mind sharing a room," started Jackie. Alicia's eyes shot to her husband who was intentionally avoiding looking her way. "I haven't had a chance to have the master cleared out or a few of the other rooms being used for storage, so the kids will share one of the guest rooms, Peter will be on the couch since he's too tall for the twin beds, and you and I will have the other guest room that's prepared, dear."

Alicia blinked rapidly, shifting her attention from Jackie to Peter. She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Well, mom beat me to the punch." He rubbed the back of his neck slowly, an uneasy smile decorating his mouth. "Surprise."

Closing her eyes for a second, she opened them to look out past the bay window, trying to ignore the voice in the back of her head that warned she was better off at home. Seeing her children outside, she decided whatever they were discussing had to be better than the dorm of hell she was just assigned. Which, she planned to discuss later with Peter. No way was this happening.

"I'm going to go speak to the kids."

Peter watched her go, hoping this weekend ended better than it was beginning.

# # #

"Why did we stop coming out here?"

Occasionally, they enjoyed long weekends on the lake with the kids, or just the two of them. Those were her favorite getaways. It was their excuse to unplug and reconnect. They'd come home refreshed and revived, like newlyweds.

Peter tore his gaze from the perfectly multi-hued orange, purple sunset and observed her beside him on the cushioned patio swing, wrapped in a knitted blanket as she sipped from a steaming mug of green tea.

"We got busy. Life wasn't so freeing," he said, simply.

She looked behind her through the kitchen window at Zach and Grace helping Jackie prepare dinner. When Jackie volunteered, she didn't have the energy to offer assistance. Besides, it was probably wise not to have them both in the same room for extended periods of time. They had two more days here; might as well keep the peace. Much to her children's dismay, she made them help their grandmother in any way she needed, which slotted she and Peter time to talk.

"I've been thinking about our life before … my miscarriages," she whispered.

He stretched out his arm along the back of the swing and propelled his foot off the floor of the patio to lead them into a lulling rock as he gave her his undivided attention.

"I think we were too busy, then. Or rather, you were too busy." She paused to look at him, the question shadowing his deep brown orbs a surprise. When he didn't spew an anticipated counter, she continued. "Priorities shifted. And we didn't deal with the shift."

He remembered that time. It was shy of six months into his tenure as State's Attorney. His hours grew longer, their calls got shorter, he was home for breakfast rather than dinner. At the time, she dropped hints about them finally trying for another baby to which they had discussed for over a year, prior to his election. He didn't second-guess her wanting another baby then — it would have been different than her pregnancies with Zach and Grace. The child was planned, and they were prepared.

His brows furrowed as he summed together the unspoken pieces, not realizing it back then. "A baby would have helped us with the shift?"

She swallowed hard. Along with filling her pre-empty nest syndrome, having a baby would have eradicated that widening, unspoken void between them. In herself. Or so she thought.

"We talked about having another one for a while, Peter. We both wanted another." She blinked away tears and brought the mug back to her lips, breaking his piercing eye-lock and looked towards the water.

His eyes roamed over her covered body, envisioning her svelte frame beneath the hand-woven wool as he remembered the small bump that protruded from her stomach a few years ago. Remembered how he was late to work for a few weeks because every morning, after she was done alleviating her bout of morning sickness in the bathroom, she'd crawl back into bed and he would pull her against him just so that he could caress her stomach and talk about the life growing inside of her. They never prepared for the possibility that they would never meet the budding miracle. Either time.

"You ever think about them?" he asked, his tone gentle and coaxing. "What they would have looked like … their personalities?"

He would have looked like you, she thought, her mind swarming with hopes and predictions she had prior to the first miscarriage. The second time around, she didn't allow herself to dream up any details other than carrying full-term.

She sadly smiled, fighting back tears rising in her throat. "Yes," she finally said.

Inhaling a breath, she balanced the mug on her knee and willed herself to continue this topic of conversation. These were things she wondered alone, feeling she had no one to share with, when the very person she could have shared it with was right there all along.

"I don't think about them as often as before, but sometimes I'll see Zach and Grace in the kitchen, bickering about … whatever. And I wonder …"

He reached a hand out to wipe away a tear that was trickling down her cheek before reaching for her free hand and linking their fingers. "I know I've said it over and over, but I am sorry. For everything that happened then. I'll never do that to you again."

She inhaled a shaky breath and nodded, gripping his hand tighter.

"Grandma is driving us crazy!" Grace bellowed. The door slammed behind her as she walked towards them, causing their joined hands to unlink.

"What's Jackie doing?" Alicia asked, dabbing her eyes.

"She's dictating how we set the table and which bowl is better for the salad."

Peter chuckled. "Guess I should go referee."

Planting herself between her parents, she snuggled against Alicia's side, her focus immediately drawn to her wet eyes.

"Mom, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She cleared her throat. "Dad and I were talking about the past."

"What about it?"

"How we were sure you'd make a record for a baby that cried the loudest and longest," joked Peter.

Grace smirked up at him. "I've been pondering."

"Pondering?" said Peter, stifling a laugh.

"Yes, pondering. Since Zach royally screwed up, I thought I should be the first to get a car."

"Oh you do, huh?"

"Yeah. I am the more quintessential child at the moment."

Peter laughed heartedly, propelling the swing into smooth, back and forth rocks once more. His daughter's power of persuasion never ceased to amaze him the more she matured.

"Okay, can you stop thinking about driving and growing up and be my little girl for a bit longer?" asked Alicia, setting her mug on the adjacent end table. She emerged from her blanket cocoon and pulled Grace into an embrace, showering her head in kisses.

"Mom …" Grace whined.

They rocked along the swing, enjoying the last of the sunset while their youngest continued to chat away. Their eyes remained yoked, a flood of unsaid memories passing between them. Peter's warm smile followed by a wink caused her eyes to flutter as her heart did a somersault, thinking that in this moment, she was grateful he was still her person. There was no one else she would rather be doing parenthood with.

# # #

Peter turned onto his side for the umpteenth time on the pull out bed in the family room, huffing in frustration. He mulled over whether his family was upstairs faring better in the sleep department. The dull ache in his mid-back started almost immediately once he made himself semi-comfortable on the thin mattress. Two hours and many more to go… He tried to remind himself this moment of discomfort was still better than sleeping on the remaining set of twin beds in the last, mostly prepared guest room. Not that he'd fit on the narrow mattresses anyway. Even with them pushed together.

Flipping onto his back, he braced a hand behind his head and turned on the television, searching for a late night show when the silhouette of a figure coming into the room caught his attention. It was Alicia. He looked towards her, curiosity ruling his conscience when she came to stand in front of the opposite side of the bed.

"I can't take another minute of Jackie's snoring. Mind if I join you?" She now regretted not fighting their sleeping situation for again, the sake of peace.

Grinning, he lifted the sheets. She quickly crawled in.

"Sorry if it's not as comfy as the eight-hundred thread count upstairs."

Chuckling, she tucked the sheets around her chest and gazed at the television for a moment.

"I remember all the Thanksgiving's we've spent here." It was the holiday they most frequented the home to celebrate.

"You and mom's infamous fights over the cranberry sauce," he said with a laugh.

"Which always started with her. There is nothing wrong with canned sauce."

"I'm almost surprised you two didn't go at it tonight over who would make dinner."

Smiling, she turned onto her side to face him. "I didn't have the energy." Peering down at her, he likewise turned over to face her, trying to get a better read of her face in the dimly lit room. "The kids still seem to like it here."

"They do. They're happy."

"They've always loved coming here … loved fishing with your dad in the mornings."

"Yeah, I was thinking about mom and dad a lot earlier. Subtleties they showed that neither my sister nor I ever paid attention to. Some things come to mind and I…" he shrugged, "my dad wasn't always good to her. I think as a kid and even as an adult, I didn't want to believe some truths about him."

She reached out a hand to cover his laying dormant in the space between them. "The most important thing we can do is try not to repeat our parents' mistakes."

He nodded in agreement. "Hey, I missed our call today."

She bashfully smiled. By his initiative, they were adhering to Dr. Lewis' set tasks before their next session. Peter routinely called her every day during the lunch hour, and sometimes at night. Although the new addition had only occurred for a few days, she liked it. Her heart skipped a beat and a ridiculous grin adorned her face when she saw an incoming call from him on her cell phone. Their conversations were littered with the weather, their kids, present career frustrations, ultimately diverting to them. Flirtatious banter presented itself in their calls yesterday (afternoon and night) by way of her. An unforeseen layer neither expected, but naturally eased into, and seemed intent on continuing.

"I know," she said regretfully. "I'm sorry. It was a busy day and I needed to make sure I left in time to beat traffic."

"Anything you wanted to talk about?"

She thought for a moment. "Nope, nothing pressing. Something on your mind?"

"No." He flashed his familiar Cheshire smile. "Not exactly."

They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like centuries before he crept his hand up her arm to land on her waist, drawing her close. She let him pull her to lay flush against him, their foreheads now touching, his palm caressing her lower back.

For a change, she closed her eyes and relaxed into their closeness. Realizing that she actually wanted his touch…and wanted more.

"This is nice," he breathed.

Her timid hands moved to his chest, resting against the soft cotton of his grey t-shirt, afraid to venture further.

"Reminds me of our first trip here. Remember? A little after your parents bought the place. It was Christmas vacation."

He grinned. "Yeah, mom was hell-bent on assigned rooms."

"But you convinced little, naive me," she smiled widely, "to come down here in the middle of the night to talk, so no one upstairs would hear. We ended up on this pullout bed. Well, actually this one is newer. But in the same spot."

"I had to take advantage."

"And you did." She peered up at him. "We had a lot of firsts that week …"

He leaned his head back, a brow arched. "Careful there or I might get the wrong idea."

She laughed lightly, watching as the teasing smirk on his face slowly faded, a mask of desire now covering his face as his hand on her lower back began to move south. A familiar heat spread throughout her lower abdomen causing her heart to quicken at this change of mood.

The force was magnetic as their lips slowly touched. It was a measured kiss. Their mouths fastened with ease and tenderness, taking the time to meld and relish in this small intimacy as lovers for nearly two decades reawakened. He tugged her closer the very moment his mouth widened, seeking more. His eager hand now clutching her silk pajama top in his fist signaled he wanted more, needed more.

Alicia felt his stiff excitement pressing against her stomach, without question ready to soothe the similar ache brewing between her legs. Her arm curled around his neck as she moaned into his mouth, her leg involuntarily rising to drape over his hip. When he slid a hand down the plane of her outer thigh then cupped her bottom, lifting and fixating her pelvis to his groin, did she break their kiss.

"Peter …" She was breathless, her pulse racing and eyes heavy.

"I know," he said, nipping her plumped lips.

Their eyes locked again, seeming to weigh the options, neither moving. He wouldn't take it further; she sensed that. Yes, things were better between them than they had been in a long time. But this was largely still on her terms; he was keeping his end of the bargain by patiently and respectfully waiting for her to come to him again.

His heavy breathing dominated their closeness, telling her she better take the initiative to escalate or desensitize their current situation soon.

The first won.

She ended their gazed tug of war and greedily planted her lips back onto his. Without hesitation, he rolled her over onto her back, quickly settling between her legs.

"I want you," he incoherently mumbled into her mouth, his hand disappearing beneath the hem of her top to settle on the smooth skin of her waist.

She didn't say more as she arched her neck back against the pillow and interlaced her fingers within his dark mane, granting his wet lips easier access to her delicate skin, trying to ignore the voice in the back of her head telling her to wait. Why is it that I want to wait, she pondered for a millimeter of a second in her aroused fog.

"Peter?" called Jackie. A light from upstairs shone down on the lower level signaling that she was indeed up. "Peter?"

He regretfully tore his mouth from Alicia's, releasing a sigh of annoyance. "What is it, Mom?"

"Can you bring me a glass of water?"

Jackie navigating any darkened place was a hazard in itself and the stairs added an entirely different level of risk. They were both glad she was obeying this limit. He glanced down his body to the tent in his pajama pants before meeting the face of his wife. They burst into laughter.

"Yeah, I'll bring it right up," he yelled back.

"I can take it," Alicia whispered.

"Are you going to stay up there for the night?" He lowered his mouth back to her neck.

She closed her eyes and sighed, turning her head to place a kiss on his temple. It felt right. This felt right. And she wanted him as much as he wanted her. So why did she feel hesitant?

"Yes," she said almost remorseful. It wasn't time for this …yet. Their last session still had her feeling emotionally raw and unsure about some things.

He lifted his head, now peering down into her face, trying to gauge her mood. "What about the snoring?"

She smiled, her gaze briefly drifting down to their compromising position and his pants.

"I'll manage."

His head dropped in defeat as he crawled from atop her. Stay, is what his eyes begged her while watching her leave the mattress then spin around to peer down at him, a cheeky grin plastered on her lips. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she bent forward, cupped his face and placed a lasting kiss to his mouth.

"Good night," she whispered followed with another quick peck.

He sadly watched her go, trying to think of anything but her warm body pressed against his moments ago.