Reconnecting—Part II
"Mom, you have to pedal faster," said Zach, using the stainless steel wheel in front of them—upholstered on a helm stand—to direct the paddleboat back towards the dock.
"Zach, I am," Alicia gritted.
It wasn't a hard task by any means, but her energy as well as her patience was gradually depleting the two hours and counting they'd been out on the water. The generosity of the next-door neighbors was to blame for her current state of distress. Little did she know when she saw the elderly couple stroll over for idle chat with Peter and the kids by the dock this morning that they would fulfill one of her children's favorite pastimes—one she never cared to participate in. They offered their luxe four-seat, fifteen-foot pontoon paddleboat to enjoy for the day, which was graciously accepted. She was not aware of the details behind this offer nor did she question it when she reluctantly climbed aboard the boat behind her family.
At the time, a solid minute of her children begging her to join them made her helpless in saying no. Especially once Peter insisted. "Time on the water will be a good way for us to relax after this morning." He was referring to their arduous morning of helping Jackie clear out the upstairs rooms. She was still trying to understand how this was some form of a reward. If she weren't so weak, she would have stayed behind at the house with Jackie. Endless glasses of wine would have made the tortuous time with her least favorite person bearable.
"Ok, the wind is picking up a bit. We're going to need to pedal a little faster when turning so we don't sail in the opposite direction."
She shot her son a warning glare, causing him to coil back against the seat.
"I'm just saying we'd get to the dock a little quicker," he mumbled, averting his attention in the opposite direction. He knew that look. She was reaching her breaking point and he would not be the one to push her over. Her visual irritation right now could probably cut the thickest glass.
"Mom, are you okay?" Grace asked, comfortably sitting on a front bench seat towards the bow of the boat across from Peter. The deal was he and Grace pedal them out and she and Zach bring them home. Again, she was still wondering what made her commit to this.
"Yes, I'm okay. Just ready to be back at the house."
"Want me to take over? I don't mind."
She saw the smirk on Peter's face, knowing there was an identical twinkle in his eyes hidden behind his pitch-black sunglasses. He probably had a secret bet going on amongst them for how long she'd last. These types of activities were never her thing.
"I'm fine!"
Watching her son pedal swiftly and noticing they were finally moving in the direction of the dock, she exhaled a breath of relief and started a mental countdown until she was on dry land.
The first hour was nice. They leisurely cruised south, ingesting other palatial homes and wildlife while sharing jokes and reminiscing amongst themselves. Once they switched seats to head back north towards the house, it all morphed into pure hell for her. The wind, the never ending pedaling, etc. Her temporary frustration waned a smidgen as she observed Peter beckon Grace to stand beside him near the railing. The pair leaned over slightly to witness Asian Carp leaping out of the water. When he placed a protective arm around her shoulders and held her close, a smile spread across Alicia's face. These small moments—soon to be memories—is what made it all worth it. Though the perception of her father may have changed in the past two years, they would always have an untouchable, special father-daughter bond.
Just like she would with Zach.
From the very moment all seven pounds, eleven ounces and twenty inches of him was placed in her arms, their connection was instant. Glancing to her left at her firstborn, his profile resembling a blend of his grandfather and Peter, he appeared just as strong and determined as a lineal descendant of Florrick men while his gaze remained fixated on their nautical course. In a few months he would be sixteen. Where had time gone? She reached out and ran a hand along his arm, giving a gentle squeeze. The teen looked at her surprised, then confused.
How is it he looks so much like a young man but is still my baby?
"How are you?" she asked.
"I'm-I'm fine."
"No more drinking and smoking?"
He sighed. "Mom, I don't have time for that anymore with school and community service."
She smiled at his wry joke, but knew he was serious. His honesty was refreshing.
"I'm really glad to hear that." She readjusted the snug life vest. "How is staying with dad during the week?"
He looked at her briefly before gazing back out at the water. "I like it. I think he's more strict than you, but it's cool."
"Dad is stricter than me?" She feigned shock.
He laughed. "Yeah, hard to believe, right?"
"No. We love you so much and want nothing but the best for you." She paused pedaling and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
They were almost to the dock now. Alicia was singing praises on the inside.
Zach glanced at his still occupied father and sister, then back to his mom.
"Since we've been here, it looks like you and dad have gotten closer. Like before…before everything."
She stopped pedaling altogether and slowly turned to look at him, expectedly silent for a split second.
"What makes you say that?" she asked.
He grinned cheekily. "I saw you two in the kitchen this morning. I was coming in to get more juice, but didn't want to interrupt."
She felt her cheeks flush with warmth as her mind replayed the impromptu moment in the kitchen with her husband during breakfast hours ago.
"I wish you would have stayed last night," Peter whispered.
Alicia eyed him briefly before resuming filling her cup with coffee. "How'd you sleep?"
"Fine. Would have slept better if you stayed..." She heard his flirtatious tone and tried to fight the smile threatening to spread across her face.
"I think it was best we were apart last night."
He came to stand beside her behind the island and placed a hand atop hers that was stirring in sugar.
"Best for who?"
"For us."
"Come on, you really think that? We've so come far…"
She set down the spoon and peered up at him. "So…what? Sex will seal the deal?"
Noticing the familiar spark in her eyes, he smiled and pulled her into his arms, hoping to extinguish the defensive flame.
"No," he said in a singsong voice. "I'm just optimistic about our progress. And I've missed my wife. It felt good to be with you that way again after all this time."
She gulped, knowing what he meant. It wasn't about their limbs being entangled, their pelvises joining or their lips molding against the others. It was them simply being together, with no emotional barriers harboring.
"Well, that was the point of us coming out here right? Not only for the kids, but for us."
He looped an arm around her waist, holding her steady as he lowered his head. "Yes. I'd say being on the edge of nature is working." He pulled her closer, glancing at her lips before meeting her hesitant eyes again. "Would you agree?"
Her heartbeat quickened as she nervously looked down to her neglected mug on the counter. She only came in here to refill it with coffee. Somehow, he had trailed behind her and now here they were…
"Peter, the kids and Jackie are in the other room."
"…We're not doing anything…"
She laughed lightly then proceeded to remove his hand from her waist when he grasped it and pulled her back to him. The mischief in his eyes when he lifted her slightly, bringing them to eyelevel, made her feel powerless for whatever would follow.
"No, we're not," she breathed. "And we're not about to. Peter…" Her mouth now hovered above his.
"Is this what the rest of the weekend will be? Hmm?" He ended their misery and pecked her lips, grinning against her mouth when she eagerly responded. "A kiss here and there?" Another kiss. "Talks?" And another.
"No," she huskily whispered.
"Then what?"
She didn't know what to think about the rest of their weekend. What she did know for certain, right now, was that she wanted his mouth back on hers. Arching her head, their lips were about to touch when the shadow of a figure retreating from the opposite entry way caught her attention over his shoulder, ending their moment.
"I thought I saw someone, or something! That was you?!" She was nothing short of mortified.
He began to laugh. "It's okay, mom. It's not like I haven't seen you guys that way before. Although I'm fine not seeing my parents make out."
She inhaled a shaky breath, frantically trying to conjure an explanation. "Zach, dad and I—"
He laughed harder at her obvious chagrin. "Mom, there's no need to explain. And we don't have to talk about this ever again."
She nodded eagerly. "Good."
"Although, I do have a question."
"Okay…"
"How much longer do you think you and dad will be separated?
She looked towards her husband and daughter once more. They were laughing this time, likely over one of their inside jokes. Like always. Peter looked back at her in that very instance, his smile growing wider once he saw her staring at him. An indescribable feeling she hadn't felt in a long time rushed through her as she thought of their moment in the family room last night. And now, the kitchen. Would they have one more 'almost' moment before they left here?
"I don't know," she eventually responded. "Just know that things are good between dad and me right now, and we still need you and Grace to understand and be patient with this situation, alright? We're trying to make it right this time. Not only for us, but for the family."
He nodded, his warm smile reaching her heart. "Okay."
And then she exhaled. They had finally reached the dock.
# # #
"I've been thinking. Maybe Zach should come with me to church on Sundays. It could be good for his character."
Alicia momentarily froze, her eyes slowly panning from observing Peter and the kids playing some sort of baseball game on the Wii console in the media room to her mother-in-law standing next to her in the entryway.
"No, that's okay. I think he's fine."
"There are some very nice young men there that could be a great influence on him besides those thugs he befriended."
She shook her head and pivoted her focus back on her family, bringing her half-full glass of cabernet to her mouth for a sip.
"Jackie, he's fine," she said curtly.
"Well, if you change your mind…" She grabbed the empty glasses and dessert plates they had placed on the bar cart—positioned next to the arched entry—after dinner and proceeded to carry them into the kitchen for cleaning. Alicia rolled her eyes, mocking her behind her back by making a face. Unbeknownst to her, Peter saw her little show, laughing at the sight.
"Are you trying to start a war?"
She turned to look up at him, smiling like a shark that had smelled blood. "No, dear. Not at all."
He snickered, reaching for her offered glass of vino and drank a hefty sip.
"You looked pretty good out there," she teased.
"It did cross my mind that if the State's Attorney gig doesn't work out this time around, I'd maybe try out for the Cubs."
They shared a laugh, their moment once again shortened by a timely interruption.
"Mom, come join us!" said Grace.
"Oh no, continue without me. I don't have the coordination for that…thing." Her brows furrowed as she watched Zach position his stance like a batter in front of home plate, controller in hand, ready to swing.
"Come on. I'll help and make sure you don't strike out," Peter coaxed.
He set the glass on the cart beside them and grabbed her hand.
"Peter, no. I'm happy cheerleading on the sidelines."
She tried to delink their hands but his grip was firm. The next thing she knew, she was standing in front of the mounted flat screen, motion controller in her hand as she watched what looked like a bobble head version of her loading on the screen. He came to stand behind her.
"Dad, that's cheating," Zach said upon seeing what his father was doing.
"Take it easy," he said, his hands pumping downward in a lowering motion, more so signaling his son's renowned competitive nature to simmer before attaching to Alicia's hips. "It's your mom's first time. Let's show her the ropes."
She looked at him over her shoulder, eyebrow arched.
"Peter, this is not going to work," she protested when he stooped down to her height and positioned her arms and hands as if she were holding an invisible bat. He outlined her prepared stance with his own limbs.
"It'll be just like when we took them to the batting cages when Zach was in little league. You were good at that."
They all watched the screen intently. A bobble head figure that resembled Grace prepared to throw a ball.
"Ok, ready?" he whispered into her ear.
"No!" she gritted.
She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to concentrate on the task at hand instead of his body pressed against her right now. All she could think of was last night and puzzled on why she resisted this.
In seconds, Grace's character pitched a ball. Peter tightly gripped her hands, and together, their bodies swiveled forward as if they were hitting the ball with a baseball bat. The ball went flying over the animated bleachers and past the scoreboard. Confetti splattered across the screen along with big multi-colored letters that read: HOME RUN.
"Wow!" Zach leapt from the chair as Grace smiled. "A home run?!"
"Way to go, mom," his sister cheered.
Peter grinned, looking down to Alicia who was pumping her fist in the air in victory.
"Now you're on your own," he whispered in her ear then kissed her cheek and turned to trek towards the kitchen. She caught his gaze before he rounded the corner, their eyes meeting as an irresistible smirk tugged at her lips.
"Mom, come on." Grace grabbed her arm, breaking their contact. "It's your turn again."
Turning back to the screen, she imagined him behind her and perfectly angled her body, ready to hit another home run.
###
"Hey, you're missing the movie, and I thought you were grabbing another drink. What are you doing out here?"
She closed the sliding patio door behind her and made her way over to him nestled in the middle of the swing, plopping herself down beside him.
"Wanted to catch the last of the sunset."
"Well, Jackie is getting anxious that you're missing the best parts of her favorite movie. Zach and Grace passed out on the couch an hour ago leaving me to endure her…displeasure."
Peter chuckled, hearing the controlled tightness in her voice. When the kids requested they spend the rest of the night watching movies, it somehow snowballed from them watching a few of their favorites to their grandmother's favorites.
"Mom getting under your skin?"
She sighed and tucked her feet beneath her, wrapping the cashmere cardigan tighter around her body.
"No more than usual."
He noticed her actions out of the corner of his eye.
"Cold?"
She shrugged. "Forgot how chilly it gets at night."
He widened his embrace and smiled cheekily at her. "Come on over." She grinned back at him, dubious. "I promise I won't bite."
After five seconds of debate, she slid across the cushion, swung her legs over his lap and nestled against his side as he wrapped his arm around her. They stayed that way for minutes, not saying anything, content with sharing body heat and ingesting the sunset. Her head nestled perfectly in the crook of his neck reminded her of how she used to lay within his embrace every night: curled against his body with the weight of his muscled arm securing her to his side. Their positioning right now not only reminded her of how she always slept peacefully, but also of how she always felt safe in his arms.
It was nice to be reminded what that felt like.
"It's been a good weekend," he said, beginning to lightly massage her calves.
"It has." Sadly, tomorrow, their utopia of amicable bliss would come to an end. She wrapped an arm around his waist, hugging him closer. "Putting away our phones was a good idea thanks to you." His agreed rule was that they only check their electronic devices for an emergency. All weekend.
"Unplug and reconnect," he whispered.
Pressing her head firmer against his strong chest, she briefly closed her eyes, savoring this moment for what it was. The fall breeze, the gentle lull of the swing, the sounds of the forest coming alive at night…Her senses were both awakened and calm; they usually were when it was just the two of them on this swing, alone, with nature watching. This was their favorite spot of the house when they visited. Somehow they always ended up on this patio swing, watching a sunset, people watching or just talking about life.
"I think we should do this more often," she mumbled.
He pulled back and looked down at her. "Really?"
She smiled. "Really. Minus Jackie of course."
He laughed heartily. "Good luck coming out here without my mother knowing."
The smile slowly faded from her face as she turned back to the water, shuddering when a small chill washed over her. Peter began to rub her arms vigorously, thinking her rattle was due to the temperature. But it stemmed from the unknown of their situation. This weekend was great. In fact, better than either could have predicted. Now what is the question she couldn't stop repeating in her mind.
"What's going to happen when we get back home?" she said so quiet he barely heard her.
Between us, he questioned in thought.
"What do you want to happen?" he asked instead.
She took a moment to contemplate his question. "I don't know."
"Well, then, life happens. We go back to living our lives."
"And what does that look like?"
He slowly looked down at her. Fear, trust, love and another emotion he couldn't describe screamed back at him when he stared into her eyes. She was nearly ready for them again, but didn't know how to voice she was ready. And he knew, as much as he wanted, he couldn't be the person to tell her how or when she would be ready.
Instead, he glanced down at her parted lips, aiming to get a final, stolen moment before they went back to living their everyday lives.
Their eyes locked and heads moved closer, the paces of their hearts slowing...
"This," he answered.
He slid a hand around the base of her neck to entangle within her hair and draw her mouth to his. She didn't resist nor condemn him, instead melted into his touch.
Because this is what she wanted, this weekend is what she wanted. Everyday. And it scared her to know they were about to cross that threshold and take back what was once all she hoped and dreamed, and more.