They enjoyed their dinner of spaghetti and afterwards enjoyed the chocolate pudding Lucas talked her into making. Hailey smiled more during the last few hours than she had in months, if not years. Jay being there with her, with them, just flowed so smoothly and she couldn't fight the feeling of comfort it brought her. After dinner was cleaned up, with Jay's assistance despite her protest, the three of them sat on the couch to watch some cartoons. Hailey slouched down on the arm of the couch slightly, keeping her knees bent so she didn't invade Jay's space, and Lucas laid next to her, curling into her side. She was comfortable for the most part, but her legs were starting to cramp from being bent. Jay seemed to pick up on her shifting around and suddenly his hands were on her ankles, stretching her legs out and resting her feet in his lap. Her cheeks turning pink as she risked a glance towards him. He gave her a reassuring smile, followed by a wink that sent her heart racing, before he turned his attention back to the TV screen, feigning a sudden extreme interest in Mickey Mouse. Almost an hour passed and then Hailey checked the time, realizing she needed to get Lucas ready for bed. She sat up, tickling the boy when he started to protest the bedtime he knew was coming. He giggled, bringing a smile to her face and Jay couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his own face at the adorable sight.
"I need to get this one ready for bed." Hailey stated, tickling the boy once more before giving Jay a sheepish look. She wasn't ready for their night to end, but didn't want to press her luck with Jay being there anymore. He had endured enough of the domestic bliss and she figured he was ready to run for the hills. Jay stood from the couch, stretching his arms up with a groan and laughing when Lucas mimicked him. Hailey found herself glad for the distraction her son brought, otherwise Jay might have noticed when she bit her lip at the sight of his exposed abdomen when his shirt lifted ever so slightly. Clearing her throat and shaking her head quickly to regain composure, she walked Jay to the door.
"You back at work tomorrow?" Jay asked, pausing in her entryway.
"No." Hailey gave him a sad smile. "Voight wanted me to take a few days, clear my head. I have to meet with him first too." She glanced down at the ground, feeling a sudden wave of emotion go through her at the mention of the incident with Booth.
"I gotcha. It'll be okay Hails..." He gave her a reassuring smile, dipping his head slightly to force her into meeting his eyes.
"Yea." She nodded, voice thick with emotion. She blinked away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, hoping he wouldn't notice. "Good thing anyway, I don't have a sitter for tomorrow." She nodded back to the living room where they could hear Lucas playing with some musical toy, trying to draw the attention away from her emotions. Jay, to his credit, just played along with her diversion and chose to brush off her show of emotion.
"He's a cool little dude." Jay gave her another smile, happy this time. His words meant to ease her mind a little but instead they seemed to make her struggle to compose herself harder. His heart broke a little when he watched her chin quiver and a single tear ran down her face before she quickly wiped it away. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and let her fall apart, but he knew that it might be crossing the line they were so very carefully dancing around. So instead he settled for placing his hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. She nodded at him before dropping her head down, letting him know their conversation was over.
"Good night Jay." She whispered, voice still thick with held back tears.
"Night Hails, see you tomorrow?" He didn't want to push her but now that he had gotten a taste of her home life, he found himself only wanting to soak it in more.
"Yea, maybe..." She gave him a small smile as he pulled open the door. Well, he thought, it wasn't a no.
Hailey closed the door behind him, letting out a huge breath and rubbing her face, trying to pull herself together before she went to wrangle her child into the tub. She got Lucas through his bedtime routine and tucked into bed surprisingly on time. She crawled into her own bed, feeling exhausted after the last few days but knowing it was probably going to be a sleepless night. She scrolled through her phone, debating whether or not what she was about to do was a good idea. With a sigh, she opened her texts and typed out a quick message to Jay.
Thanks..for everything. And we'll be here all day so when you're off work or whatever you could stop by...if you want. NIght :)
She set her phone on the night stand and settled into her pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Hailey became quickly lost in thought so the sound of her phone dinging, signaling a text message made her jump. Her heart raced when she reached for her phone and saw who it was from. Jay.
Thanks for dinner, spaghetti is secretly one of my faves! Glad I got to hang out. And thanks for letting me in. :)
Hailey couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at his message. She was terrified to continue letting him in, the closer she got the harder it would be when he inevitably got scared away. But she would allow herself to enjoy it, just a little while longer. Suddenly she felt sleep calling her, she stifled a yawn and then rolled over, pulling the covers up to her face.
The next morning, Hailey groaned lightly as her alarm blared in the distance, signaling it was 9 o'clock. She rolled over, silencing the phone and chuckling when she felt the tiny body beside her. Lucas must have crawled into bed with her last night, she was surprised it didn't wake her up, she was normally a light sleeper. She dipped her head down to plant a kiss on his sleeping head and rolled herself out of bed. Hailey made her way through the shower, pulled some clothes out of her closest and almost finished drying her hair when the boy finally woke up. His puffy little face came to press into her legs as she cleaned up the mess on the bathroom counter. Hailey hoisted him up, tickling him lightly and causing him to laugh at her antics. They made their way downstairs and set about making breakfast. She decided to make him some waffles, one of his favorites, and they were almost done when her phone rang.
"Hello?" She answered the call from her Sargent, phone tucked between her ear and shoulder as she continued pouring the batter into the waffle maker.
"Morning Upton.." His gravelly voice sounded distracted as he spoke to her. "Listen, we need to meet and discuss what happened. The State's Attorney is all over me to get this case going and we're just waiting on your statement." He finished and there was a silent apology behind his words, knowing he was starting her morning off rough.
"Okay." She took a deep breath before continuing, trying to gain control of her sudden wave of emotions. Before she could continue there was a knock at her door, so much for their easy morning. She jogged over to the door, Voight still waiting for the rest of her response, and opened it to find Jay standing there, huge grin plastered across his face. His smile faltered momentarily when he took in her surprised face but he recovered when she beamed a smile his way and stepped aside to let him in. She held a finger to her lips and silently mouthed "Voight" as she turned back to the kitchen. He nodded and followed behind her. "Sorry, yea um...we can talk it over. Can I call you in a bit?"
"I'll give you an hour. But we have to meet in person, sorry kid." She sighed at his words. Not only did she not feel ready to talk to him in person, but she would have to meet him somewhere she could bring Lucas along because her neighbor wasn't back until later tonight.
"I just, um...I don't have anyone to watch.." Hailey stammered but Voight cut her off.
"Hailey, you know I'd work with you. But it's not just me you'll be meeting with, the State's Attorney wants your statement, like yesterday." He sighed, knowing he was putting her in a tough spot. She rubbed at her eyes, scrambling to process what he had just told her and figure out a way to make it work. Jay had been staring her down the entire conversation and she finally met his eyes.
"I got this." Jay whispered, nodding towards the living room where Lucas was watching cartoons. Hailey's eyes opened wide at his suggestion. She couldn't believe he was offering to babysit, more surprising was that she was actually considering it. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jay, she knew they would be fine. But she knew if he did this for her that it would most likely speed up the process of scaring him away. She slowly nodded, raising her eyebrows as if asking if he was sure. He gave her a reassuring smile coupled with a wink that sent her heart fluttering.
"Okay, um...I can meet. What time?" She asked, voice barely concealing the emotions raging through her.
"1 o'clock." And with that, Voight disconnected.
Hailey set her phone down, eyes immediately flying to Jay's as the panic set in. Panic over having to meet Voight and the Attorney, panic over reliving the incidents with Booth, both past and present, panic that she had just agreed to let Jay watch Lucas. Hailey felt her breath speed up and she gripped the counter, trying to regain her composure. Jay stood and quickly rounded the island, hands reaching for her shoulders and turning her to face him.
"Hey hey, it's okay." He forced her to hold his stare, trying to settle her nerves. "You will be fine, they just have to go over a few things, you've done it plenty of times before. I know this case is a little different, just focus on the technical aspects." He squeezed her shoulders, emphasizing his words.
"You're really okay with watching him?" Her eyes darted to the living room before returning to his. She was confused when a smile crossed his face.
"Hails, is that what you're worried about?" He chuckled lightly but his face quickly fell again when he saw her face remaining somber.
"I just...it's a lot. He can be a lot. And I don't want to..." Her voice trailed off into a whisper and tears filled her eyes.
"Hey..." His voice was soft and gentle, his hands still resting on her shoulders. "Don't want to what?" He pressed carefully, not wanting her to shut down completely.
"Scare you off." Hailey gave a sad laugh, voice thick with unshed tears.
"Won't happen." He smiled at her and before she could stop him, he pulled her into a hug. Normally she might have shrugged him off or pulled away, but instead she stood there and enjoyed his warmth, taking in the comfort he was giving her. The waffle machine beeped then, signaling they were done and they separated awkwardly, neither really ready to end the embrace. Lucas came into the kitchen then, face lighting up when he saw Jay and running over to him. Jay picked him up, bringing an instant smile to Hailey's face as she watched the two interact. Hailey went about making them each a plate, including Jay, and they enjoyed their breakfast together.
A short while later, Hailey stood in her door way, fumbling with her keys as she was trying to avoid what she had to do next. Jay stood at the base of the stairs, with Lucas perched on his shoulders, laughing hysterically. Jay knew she was dreading this but it had to be done. He hoped once this was over that she would feel better and could finally start moving on. Hailey sighed, walking over to the two boys and stretched up to give Lucas a kiss on the cheek. Her face blushed pink when she realized her proximity to Jay as her feet touched back down. They shared a sheepish smile and then Hailey left, smiling when she heard Lucas giggling behind her front door.
The drive to the precinct was a blur, Hailey was lost in thought, replaying the incident with Booth over and over again. By the time she made it to her destination, her nerves were on edge and she clenched her sweaty palms. Hailey forced herself to take a few deep breathes, reminding herself that once she did this, it would be over...for the most part. She headed into the building, counting each step as she walked up them, and pushed her way inside. Making her way into Voight's office, she hesitated slightly when she saw the Attorney sitting across from him. Voight's eyes met hers and she could tell he was trying to reassure her that this would be alright. Hailey stepped in, closing the door behind her despite no one actually being in the bull pen. She sat down beside the Attorney and steeled herself for the questions to come. Hailey answered the questions that were asked of her almost mechanically, leaving any trace of emotion out. The interview felt like it took an eternity, she glanced at the clock to see that almost three hours had passed and they still weren't done. The Attorney questioned her from every angle, going over not only the most recent case but Hailey's previous interactions with Booth, including, to Hailey's dismay, her attack. Throughout the whole thing, Hailey was able to keep her emotions intact, telling herself that once she was in her car she could fall apart. Voight remained silent for the most part, only jumping in when needed. Finally, they were done. They Attorney shook her hand, before turning and doing the same with Voight. Hailey watched as they shared a look, both nodding, before they were alone in his office. Voight sat back in his chair, rubbing his face and exhaling loudly. Hailey remained sitting straight up in the chair, her body stiff. Hiding her emotions from the attorney was one thing, but Voight would be another matter. His eyes met hers and she could already feel her walls start to crumble.
"Hailey, I know that this case was personal for you. But you weren't forward with all of the facts and that could have put you, this whole unit, in danger. In fact, it did. What if Halstead hadn't caught up to you so fast, Booth easily could have finished you. And then what?" He didn't finish the question, he didn't need to, she knew what he meant. What would have happened to Lucas if Booth had killed her. The thought brought tears to her eyes.
"I'm sorry Sarge...I just.." Hailey trailed off, unsure how to explain herself.
"You don't have to give me reasons Hailey, I already know where your head was at. I get it, I really do. When it's family...it's different. It flips a switch inside and you can't control it. But Hailey, when that happens, you have to let someone in. Me...someone..anyone. You can't hold that burden alone, it'll eat you alive and if you can't get your head on straight it could kill you." He leaned forward, elbows resting on his desk, wanting to make sure he was getting through to her.
"I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you." Her head hung as more tears threatened to spill.
"Does Halstead know the whole story?" His question surprised her and she met his eyes questioningly. "I'm not stupid kid, I saw how he was with you on scene. And as soon as I mentioned bringing you in for questioning today he needed the day off." Hailey blinked slowly, registering what he was saying.
"Sarge, we aren't..." She shook her head. "He does know, but it's not like that."
"Mhmm. Well I'm glad you let him in, it's a good thing Hailey." His face held a warm smile that was a rare sight on her hardened Sargent's face. Hailey could only nod, throat once again thick with emotions. "Get out of here, get home and take a few more days to screw your head on straight. You can start back Monday, if you're ready." Hailey nodded, standing up from her seat for the first time in hours, her body protesting at the movement. She gave Voight a small smile and left his office. Hailey made it to her car and as soon as the door was shut, she fell apart. Tears turned into sobs and she struggled to catch her breath. Her body shook with emotions and her hands gripped the steering wheel. After a while, she finally felt herself calming down. With a shaky hand, she reached for her keys and started the car, ready to go home to Lucas and, if she was being honest, to Jay.
Hailey pushed open her front door, mouth gaping slightly as she took in the disastrous scene in front of her. Toys everywhere. Cars and race track pieces littered the hallway, a baseball and mitt strewn at the bottom of the stairs, with blocks scattered every where in between. As she made her way into the kitchen, she took in the paper and markers covering her table, smiling when she picked up one drawing with "Best mommy ever!" written in Jay's writing over some stick figures she assumed were her and Lucas. Rounding into the living room, tripping on some Mickey Mouse DVD cases, she stopped as her heart melted into a puddle with the scene before her. Jay was laid back on the couch, eyes shut and snoring ever so lightly. Lucas's small body was sprawled out on top of him, his arms wrapped around Jay's torso, and his mouth popped open in his sleep. Hailey stood for what felt like an eternity, watching the two boys in front of her. She may have been terrified to let Jay in, to let anyone in to their lives, but thinking over the past few days Hailey was so glad she did. Jay had been amazing and had taken in everything with a graceful stride. Hailey having a son hadn't scared him away like she had feared and she felt herself growing closer to her partner by the minute.
Jay must have sensed her presence, because she watched as he stirred slightly, freezing his movements when he realized the tiny frame atop his. His eyes opened, instantly meeting Hailey's and she felt moisture gather in her eyes. She quickly blinked them away before her sleep ridden partner could notice. Jay glanced around the room, surveying the disaster zone that surrounded them and sent her a sheepish grin.
"Sorry." He mouthed quietly, not wanting to wake Lucas.
"No worries, it's a daily occurrence." Hailey chuckled, calming his fears.
Hailey stepped closer to the couch, bending to place a soft hand on Lucas's back. His breathing was slow and steady, he was fast asleep. Jay's hand was right next to hers on his back, a detail that made her heart beat a little faster when she noticed. Withdrawing her hand and standing up in an attempt to regain composure, she glanced at the time realizing it was way later than she had thought. It was well past his bedtime.
"I should get him upstairs." Hailey whispered, nodding towards her son.
Jay nodded in return, unwrapping his arms from the small boy. Hailey knelt down to shift his body into her arms, heart rate increasing again with the proximity to Jay. Jay's hand lightly brushed her chest as they made the hand off, something that did not go unnoticed by either of them. Hailey peaked up to see a slight shade of pink spreading across Jay's face. She gave him a small smile as she stood, shifting Lucas's head onto her shoulder.
"I should...go?" Jay asked, standing from the couch and suddenly feeling very awkward.
"Stay." Hailey shook her head, turning to carry him up the stairs.
Once Hailey got Lucas tucked into bed, she made her way into her own room, deciding to get into some comfier clothes while she was up here. While in the bathroom, Hailey splashed some water over her face in an attempt to regroup herself. She could feel all sorts of feelings and emotions coursing through her and she wanted to tread carefully. Hailey was growing closer to Jay rapidly and didn't want to cross any lines they weren't ready to address. After a few minutes she returned downstairs. To her surprise, her house was back to status quo with not a toy in sight. As she padded into the living room, she found Jay sitting on her couch flipping through channels in an attempt to find something else other than Paw Patrol. The sight brought another smile to her face.
"You're hired." Hailey's words making Jay jump and causing her to laugh.
"Huh?" His face once again turning pink.
"You got him to sleep and cleaned up my house in record time. Even fed him dinner." She nodded towards the two plates on her coffee table, the crumbs indicating Lucas had talked the older man into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Jay's eye's followed hers, another sheepish grin on his face when his eyes returned to hers.
"I didn't know what else to.." Jay stammered, before being cut off by Hailey's raised hands.
"It's one of his favorites. Some days it's all I can get in him." Hailey smiled and sat on the couch opposite him. They fell into a somewhat comfortable silence, neither really sure what to say.
"Thank you." Hailey said quietly, deciding that was the best place to start.
"Anytime." Jay gave her a reassuring smile.
"Not just for tonight Jay." Hailey's eyes dropped to her lap, afraid if they held his stare her emotions might falter.
"I know." Jay's words came out so soft they were almost a whisper. They were silent again for a few moments, Jay sensing her emotional state and not wanting to push her.
"How was your meeting?" He asked finally, trying to draw some attention away from their current awkwardness. Hailey's eyes met his briefly, revealing tears she was trying to hold back threatening to spill, before her head dipped back down.
"Uh...good. I guess." Her voice was thick with emotion but she tried to push through it. "He'll be locked away for a while. Still not what he deserves..." She trailed off, voice shaking.
"At least it's over Hails, we got him." Jay tried to bring her some peace. Hailey nodded, a sad smile on her face and tears rimming her eyes.
"Not really." She said softly. She couldn't fight the tears anymore and they rolled slowly down her face.
"Hey.." Jay scooted closer to her on the couch, gently putting his arms across her shoulders and bringing her into a sideways embrace. He wasn't sure what to say to make this better for her, he knew he really couldn't. They both knew that Booth hadn't got what he deserved and probably never would. Jay thought back to that moment in the stairwell, wondering if he shouldn't have stopped her from killing him. Maybe then she could have some peace, knowing the man that had killed her son's father, that had harmed her in unspeakable ways, was finally gone. But, Jay knew Hailey well enough to know that doing that, killing Booth, really wouldn't have fixed her situation. Instead it would have brought with it a whole slew of new problems.
"Thank you." Hailey repeated her earlier words, voice trembling with restrained emotion.
"For what?" Jay asked quietly, unsure of what she was thanking him for.
"For not letting me kill him." Hailey's words moved through him, as if she could read his mind.
"It wouldn't have helped." Jay conceded, giving her shoulders another squeeze.
"I know." She nodded against him.
They stayed like that for a while, Hailey's head resting against him as his arm was draped across her shoulders. Hailey was quickly getting used to this, to the feeling of him around her and the feeling of security that it brought with it. Jay chuckled when her stomach growled loudly, protesting the lack of food she had consumed today.
"Hungry?" He asked, shifting underneath her. "I hear I make a killer PB&J."
Hailey laughed as Jay stood, turning to stretch his hand out to her and helping her up. Jay gave a gentle tug as she stood, causing her to take a step closer to him and drew her into a hug. Hailey was unable to resist simply melting into his embrace, wrapping her own arms around his stomach and breathing his scent in. Her lip threatened to quiver when she felt him place a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Jay gave her another squeeze before releasing her and heading towards the kitchen. Hailey followed him, moving around her kitchen to assess the stock in her cabinets. She sighed, not really having the energy to cook herself anything.
"I gotcha." Jay smiled, turning his phone around to show her he was ordering them a pizza. Hailey's face lit up with excitement as she made her way to the fridge, pulling them each out a beer.
After they enjoyed their pizza, chasing it down with a few more beers each, they sat in a comfortable silence on the couch. Hailey yawned and glanced at her phone, realizing it was late and they should probably get some sleep for work tomorrow. Jay made to stand up beside her, stretching and rubbing his neck.
"I should probably get going.." He trailed off awkwardly.
"Jay.." Hailey nodded to the empty beer bottles littering her coffee table. "You can stay."
Hailey stood, stretching herself before padding towards the hall way. She turned to look at him, smiling when she saw him faltering by the couch.
"There." She pointed to the couch. "Or my bed, doesn't really matter." Hailey turned before he could see the blush spreading across her face and walked towards the stairs. She couldn't fight the smile from spreading her lips when she heard him quietly following her.