Olivia sat in the doctor's lounge at James Madison hospital eating a caesar salad. She was going on hour 10 of her shift that was suppose to be over two hours ago but one of the doctors called out so she decided to stick around and help cover. She was about to shove a fork full of lettuce into her mouth when Stephen jogged into the room.

"Liv, I know your on lunch but I'm really gonna need your help."

She jumped up quickly.

"What? What's going on?"

"We have two kids on their way, gunshot wounds."

All she needed to hear was 'kids', she had an infinite love for kids and was willing to do anything to help any child she could. She ran out behind him and waited in the bay for the paramedics to arrive with the kids.

"So what are we up against?" she asked.

"The father had a gun that was left out in the open and the five year old brother shot the 6 month old twice and 2 year old once."

"Oh my god? Where are the wounds?"

"I don't know as yet but it's bad."

Two minutes later the paramedics ran down the hall pushing two stretchers with a bloody infant and toddler.

"The infant has two gunshot wounds to the head, she lost a lot of blood and her pupils aren't reacting to light," one of the paramedics announced as he pushed the stretcher in front of her.

The second the toddler was in front of her, she gasped for air twice and then she flatlined.

"Paddles, get me the paddles now, there is no pulse and I need a blood transfusion stat," Olivia screamed.

She tried to stop the blood rushing out of the tiny bloodied body and get oxygen into her lungs as they charged the paddles. Once she got the paddles, she got to work trying to revive her patient. She gave her an electric shock.

"Clear!"

She waited for it to charge again and shocked her again.

"Clear!"

Still there was no response from the infant. So she waited for it to charge once more.

"Clear!"

She did three sets of electric shock to the heart and when it didn't work she frantically began chest compressions.

"Come on, come on, come on, come back to me."

Olivia did compression for 5 minutes, trying to bring back her heart when Stephen pulled her away. He had lost his patient too. She stood frozen and wide eyed, like a child witnessing something horrible happen for the first time. Stephen called out a time of death for Olivia's patient and then the nurses began the procedure for the death of a patient.

Stephen could see the mountain of tears welling up in her eyes and her lips quivered as if she was moments away from breaking down into a fit of uncontrollable wailing. She had never lost a patient before much less a child, a part of her thought she was impervious to it, she had seen people die before and she always tried to imagine what it would be like to lose a patient but the feeling that ran through her body was so much worse than anything she could have thought possible.

"Liv, there was nothing you could have done, they were dead before they got here. This is not on us."

He moved closer to try to console her but she stepped away and without a word she turned around and walked to the doctor's lounge. She removed her gloves and washed her hands then absently grabbed her bag and walked straight to the parking garage and got in her car and drove home. Fitz called her a few times but she turned her cell phone off, she couldn't talk to him.

She held back any urge she had to cry until she reached into the familiar comfort of her apartment where she was sure she couldn't be judge for her emotions as her father would have it and dropped to her knees. For a moment she felt like the tears couldn't come, all that came out were dry sobs and heaves as she tried to control the mass of emotions she was feeling. She was motionless on the ground, not crying but grieving over the poor babies, that suffered such a tragic end to their lives, grieving because she had been powerless to help them.

Fitz had called olivia about 20 times and she never picked up once. When he spoke to her during the day, she said she was suppose to have left the hospital hours ago so he was confused and a little worried as to why she wasn't taking his calls. Their agreement was that they would have to be available to each to other through the phone at all times, that was his one condition to agree to stop coming over but since she wasn't keeping her end of the deal, Fitz decided he wouldn't keep his end either. He put on his jacket and cleared his desk.

"Tom?" he called as he put away all the stationery.

"Yes sir?" Tom said a he walked through the door with his flawless posture.

"We're going to Olivia's."

Tom nodded and spoke in his headset to the other agents so they could make the necessary preparations.

Fitz thought he might be slightly overreacting but then thoughts of the night he witnessed her first migraine kept flashing through his head and immediately he thought the worse, what if she got a headache while driving and crashed? He couldn't help but wonder. The thought turned his stomach as he tried to push it out of his head. The anxiety was killing him, he couldn't get there fast enough. He walked briskly up the stairs and to her door. He knocked impatiently and waited.

He knew she was there, Hal told him her car was in the parking garage.

He knocked again.

Olivia was on the same spot of the floor for the past hour, she was so lost in her own head, she barely heard the knocking until it was less of a knock and more of an angry bang. The tears had been flowing freely for some time and she didn't want him to see her like that. She tried to compose herself and wipe her eyes then she slowly stood to her feet and walked out the door. It was only a few feet away but she still managed to stumble on her way over there. It was dark in the apartment when she opened the door, Fitz couldn't see her as she was standing behind the door when he walked in.

"Olivia we had a deal, as long as you answer your phone, I won't come over here - and why the well is it so dark in here anyways?"

He reached for the switch and flipped it on. She was still standing behind the door that was now shut, her face was turned away from him. She seemed to Fitz, as if she was holding on to the door for support.

"Liv, did you just have a headache, are you okay?"

When he got closer to her he could see that she was crying.

He pulled her away from the door and nestled her in his chest and that's when the floodgates opened. She sobbed into his chest, more than she thought herself capable of. She'd never considered herself a cryer, not that she was emotionless, she was filled with emotions. She tried to spread love and happiness whenever she could but apart from that she just had such a logical approach to most of the things in her life that there was never really any space for crying. Crying never really solved her problems and she learned it early but in that moment none of that made sense, she just wanted to cry and when she was done she hoped she would feel better. Fitz wasn't helping either, she blamed him for her sudden flood of tears, if he hadn't made her feel so loved and safe and cared for in that moment, maybe she might have been able to reign in her tears but instead, freely they flowed reminding her just how human she was.

He stood with her, kissing her forehead ever so softly and consoling her until the loud sobs disappeared and were replaced by silent sniffles. When she was confident in her ability to look at his face and not burst into tears once more she looked up.

"Would now be a bad time to give you shit for not answering my phone calls?" He asked with a smirk.

She couldn't help but laugh. She wiped her eyes once more.

"Sorry," she said with a smile.

He walked her over to the couch.

"What's wrong Livie?"

She sighed.

"I lost my first patient today."

"I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"A five year old found his dad's gun and shot his little brother and sister. I was working on his little sister, she was 6 months old. She got shot twice in the head and-"

She tried to fight back the fresh tears that were threatening to fall. She took a deep breath and continued.

"I've never lost a patient before. I saw her take her last breath and then there was nothing and now I just, I can't get that image of her bloody and gasping for air out of my head. The guilt is killing me, I was suppose to save her but I failed."

"Did you make a mistake?"

She looked up at him.

"No."

"Then there is nothing to feel guilty about. You did everything you could. You are the best doctor in the world, there is no one more qualified to be a doctor than you and if you couldn't save her then no one could have. You're not god Liv, you are someone with extraordinary abilities and you've helped hundreds if not thousands of people live healthy and happy lives, you just gave someone their sight back for Christ sake. You can't save everyone, life doesn't work that way."

"I know, your right it's just heartbreaking that she had to die that way. She was in pain."

"I know, it was a tragedy and I understand why you are sad but please don't blame yourself."

He held her face and kissed her forehead.

"I was so worried about you, after you didn't answer call number three I immediately started thinking the worse."

She looked up and smiled.

"The worse?"

"Yea, I thought maybe you were driving and got a migraine and you crashed or something."

She smiled wider.

"If I got a migraine while driving, I would've just pulled over."

"Whatever, you know what I mean."

"Thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"For worrying about me."

He smiled.

"Anytime."

Fitz sat up.

"What can I do to cheer you up?"

"I'm fine, truly apart from being a little embarrassed about my Oscar worthy water works…"

He kissed her forehead.

"There's nothing wrong with crying."

"Mhm, when was the last time you cried?"

Fitz tried to remember.

"Gerry accidentally kicked me in the balls a few years ago, he was wearing cleats and I can still feel it."

She laughed.

"You're such a liar."

"You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"When I found out my mom died, I cried not at the funeral, but when I was alone because obviously I'm so cool I can't cry, at least not in public."

"Of course not," she said sarcastically as she cuddled up on his side.

The next morning she woke up feeling much better. She couldn't deny how much she loved having Fitz over, he always knew what to say to make her feel better and after last night, she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep up the no appearances. As risky as it was to have him keep coming over to her apartment, it was worth it but she couldn't admit that to Fitz, she also knew she didn't have to because if you gave him an inch he'd take a mile and since she allowed him to come over without complaint last night, she was positive he'd be there again tonight.

Thankfully it was her day off because the last place she wanted to be was the hospital. She decided she was going to threat the day as if it was a day off versus taking conference calls and studying which was what she usually did whenever she had a day off. She showered and dressed in a yoga leggings and light sweater. The fall weather was on its way in and it was an unusually cool day. As she walked out of her apartment, she headed straight to the French cafe that was in the lobby of her apartment. She sat by the window and ate her croissant and drank her cafe' au lait. She usually read a book or surfed the web on her laptop as she ate but this time she just stared through the window, observing the passers by and thinking about Fitz. She spent her morning at the spa, getting facials and laser treatments. When she finished at the spa, she put her credit card to work in Barney's and then grabbed a late lunch before heading home and napping until a knock on the door woke her up. It was a little strange for Fitz not to call all day but she knew he had a busy and unpredictable job. She opened the door and watched as he pulled off his shoes and jacket.

"You know you shouldn't have come here right?" She said as she closed the door behind him. She loved when he visited, that didn't change but she wouldn't be Olivia pope if she didn't give him a little resistance.

"What's so wrong about coming here, it's not like we do anything," he sounded more like a spoiled child than the most powerful man in the world.

"This is still cheating."

Fitz knew she was right but he still wanted to challenge her.

"How?"

"Well for starters, we've kissed each other multiple times and I've shown you my boobs."

"They were great by they way but continue-"

She chuckled.

"I can't with you,"

"You love my antics, admit it."

"I love your antics, they keep me distracted - I feel infinitely better whenever you're around and that's a good thing."

"So I'm not just a cheating bastard? I serve a little more purpose than that, is what you're saying?" he teased.

She walked over to the couch and sat down, he followed.

"Just a little bit more, I mean, I'd like to do you at some point, I'm just as guilty as you are, I haven't exactly been modest about my want for you either. We're both horrible but that's okay right?"

Fitz chuckled.

"I love how honest you are."

"Well I trust you."

"You trust me?"

"Yeah, I feel like you won't judge me for the feelings and thoughts that I share with you, am I wrong?"

"No, I'd want you to be honest with me about what you are feeling even if you don't think it's what I want to hear. I'm always gonna want the best for you."

She leaned up so was directly facing him. His arm was wrapped around her waist as she laid facing him.

"Do you rehearse these speeches you give or do they come to you on the spot?"

"It comes to me on the spot, why?"

She smiled.

"You seriously need to get divorced so I can show you how a woman is suppose to treat a man like you," the playfulness in her voice had long gone.

She kissed him softly allowing her lips to linger as she bit his lip. She slowly unbuckled his Salvatore Ferragamo belt and then undid his suit pants. Fitz was getting excited, he wanted to control the kiss but she wouldn't let him, she continued to kiss and nibble softly on his lips and as if that wasn't driving him mad enough, he felt her hand slip into his boxers. She wrapped her fingers around him, he was getting harder by the second and Olivia could feel him pulsating in her hand. She stroked him slowly and deepened the kiss with him, driving her tongue slowly and erotically in and out of his mouth. She continued to stroke him slowly and deliberately until she felt a gush of his pre cum run down her fingers. Fitz was hot, he felt like he was in a sauna, the blood rush he felt was indescribable and all he wanted to do was rip her clothes off and fill every crevice inside her with his cock. His orgasm was close but not close enough, she knew and he knew it and that was when she stopped. She broke the kiss and pulled her hand out of his pants. She sat up, Fitz sat up too and she almost laughed at the expression that was on his face. He was so confused. He watched her intently and she seemed to be ignoring his stare. She licked the drops of cum that ran down her fingers. Fitz mouth hung open as he watched her. She buttoned his pants and fixed his belt.

"I'm confused," Fitz finally said out loud.

She looked up at him and for the second time, she choked back a laugh.

"That's it."

"That's it?"

"Mhhmm," she said nonchalantly.

"That's it?" he asked again.

"Yep, that's all you get."

She looked down and saw the enormous bulge in his pants.

"You just gave me a quarter of a handjob?"

She couldn't hold back the chuckles anymore.

"You should probably go," she suggested with a mischievous smile.

He stood up angrily and pulled on his jacket. He knew she was teasing him and it was driving him crazy because he wanted her so much.

She stood up and walked behind him as he stormed to the door.

"Can I get a kiss?" she closed her eyes and puckered her lips and waited but all she heard was the door slam shut.

She chuckled and shook her head and then about five seconds later the door flew open, he stormed in and kissed her on the lips and then turned to leave again.

"Is that how you repay me after that great handjob I just gave you? Storming out like that?" she teased.

"That wasn't a real handjob, that was a half of a handjob," he said as he turned around to argue.

"First it was a quarter, now it's a half make up your mind but it was pretty good wasn't it?"

"By the way, I'm never coming back here."

"Yeah sure, you know if I were you I would probably wait a few minutes till that goes down because your guards might think you're excited to see them and that would be awkward…"

"Your just loving this aren't you?"

"Listen-"

She pulled him over to the couch and pushed him back gently so he could sit.

"I enjoyed that just as much as you did-"

"I doubt that," Fitz interjected.

She threw her leg over his lap and nestled herself under his arm.

"And between me and you, I think you've got a great cock it's so big and stiff, I love it. Don't think I didn't feel that huge vein at the side, I can't wait to feel that inside of me."

She chuckled and pinched his cheeks. Fitz ignored her and leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes.

"Olivia you are seriously annoying me right now. This is not funny. You can't just say things like that."

"Come on, it's a little funny."

He didn't reply.

She sighed.

"I'm just having a little fun Fitz, I'm horny too but you don't see me being a grouch about it."

"As soon as my erection goes down I'm out of here and I'm never coming back."

She rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'm gonna go hang with Tom and Hal in the hallway. I'm sure they'll appreciate me."

She got up and headed to the door.

"Get your ass back here Olivia."

She turned around and faced him.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he said without opening his eyes.

She walked back over with a smirk, happy that she had managed to get on his last nerve.

"Are you gonna calm down?"

"I am calm," he said flatly.

"You realize that you always start this right, you showed me your breasts, you kissed me, you pull me in a tub with you completely naked and now out of nowhere you start jerking me off and licking my cum off your fingers, how am I supposed to react to that? I'm a man Olivia, don't play games with me."

"I'm a man Olivia, don't play games with me," she mimicked.

Fitz sighed.

"Come on Fitz, I'm just messing with you, loosen up."

"How would you feel if I started fingering you out of the blue then stopped?"

"I got lasered earlier so it would probably hurt-"

"You laser?"

"Yeah, waxing hurts so I prefer to laser, it's more effective and last longer although it leaves me really sensitive for like a day or two."

"You're such a hippy I would have thought you would let your pubes grow free. I don't care either way but I'm just saying."

She chuckled.

"I personally prefer not having any hair down there, it feels better for me. I bleached my asshole too," she joked and she finally saw Fitz smile.

"Well finally a smile, it took you long enough."

"I'm still angry with you."

"Blah blah blah, no you're not."

"You are a little trouble maker aren't you?"

"Only if I really like you," she flirted.

Fitz smiled.

"So why did you do today?"

"Spent a few hours at the spa, I got a really great massage from this very attractive guy… I was butt naked and oiled up."

Fitz eyed her.

"He's gay, seriously Fitz you fall for the bait every single time."

"Whatever, what else did you do?"

"I got a really great steam facial and acupuncture session then I went to Barney's and bought myself a new pair of Alaia heels and a Saint Laurent bag and this really cute dress from Gucci."

"Sounds a whole lot more fun than my day, I spent the day in Utah, arguing with it's governor about a new LGBT bill he is trying to pass that allows discrimination, it's disgusting."

"Well, thank you for fighting the good fight, I appreciate it and I'm sure millions of others do as well."