A/N: Sooooooo…. It's been awhile since the last update. Yes - I know. *face palm* BUT, this chapter is nearly twice the length as previous ones (my muse wouldn't shut up) so that should make up for the wait. Right?
…Right?
LOL, at least I hope it does and hope you all enjoy! :)
*Special thanks to Kikidevil17 (Kokes!) for always being the best sounding board!
Week Nine: After
A mix of Chicagoans and tourists alike were downtown and littered along the Gold Coast.
It was that time of year—early November—when fall was nearing its close and winter was in scope. An ingrained dreaded season for the city's natives; a loathsome time that brought its unwelcome, usual gifts of bone rattling freezes along with endless blankets of snow. In anticipation of the frigid temps, it seemed as if a majority of locals and visitors were out right now, soaking up the last few days of semi-enjoyable weather before they were uncouth in asinine layers of clothing for months on end.
Amongst this smooth and vibrant tune of the leisurely hustle and bustle, Peter and Alicia strolled casually along the pavement by the water, in their own world, fingers loosely intertwined.
They didn't say much during the short car ride to the waterfront. Nor did they say more after Peter parked the car and they exited to fall in stride, side-by-side on the somewhat quieter end of the coast, content with their silence and the world around them being a narrative.
For fifteen minutes and counting, time stood still, trapping them in their own bubble while they ingested the sights and sounds of their city. Bikers and runners zoomed by, and tour boats were littered across the lake, painting a picturesque background of…life.
"It does feel like old times," said Alicia, her voice barely above a whisper, breaking their bout of quietude.
They did this often when they were dating. Mindless walks along the waterfront as they watched life happen around them while speculating their future.
Peter swept a thumb back and forth over her knuckles in agreement. "Yep. We came here to talk about our hopes and dreams. Most of which came to life."
She looked up at him and smiled, almost seeing the playful glint behind his aviator shaded eyes she was positive was there.
"It feels like forever ago, doesn't it…?"
Her voice trailed off as she pivoted her gaze back to her right, ingesting a longing glance of the mostly calm water.
Being of the zodiac Earth sign, Alicia often humored herself that she was somewhat of an outlier.
She enjoyed being by the water. Whether it was an ocean, lake, pond, et cetera. An unexplainable serenity always settled in her bones whenever she was by a body of water.
Her thoughts slowed.
Her vision cleared.
Her life thus far, despite all its intricacies, made sense.
"Where has time gone?" she wondered aloud, noticing the subtle shift of scenery ahead of them.
Clusters of trees—tall and medium heights—started to multiply once they rounded a narrow curve. A historic mansion perched on a corner signaled they were about to pass by a primarily residential area along the outskirts of the heart of the Gold Coast. Where old mixed with new. Preserved and a few newly built homes dotted the street in an immaculate row; while swanky boutiques and specialty cafes occupied the opposite end, tying the precise urban plan in a cohesive bow.
"It is different than when we used to come down," he said, answering the details of her prior unprompted musing.
Alicia scrutinized the real estate, unable to ignore her past dream of them owning a home down here. With careful planning and a few minor adjustments, that dream could now be their reality by a snap of their fingers if they so wanted.
A twenty-something-year-old her would've never envisioned it would be possible just some twenty years later…
"I meant what I said." She refocused her attention back on him, the seriousness of his tone axing her lingering daydreams from past to present. "I didn't think I was initially, but I won't pressure you."
Her head tilted slightly, eyes narrowing.
"On living together," he clarified. "I understand now. Take as much time as you need."
So now is the time, she thought. Now we talk about us.
"Are you sure?" She fully stared up at him now. "That you understand?"
"Yes," he said, his voice heavy with guilt and something else she couldn't decipher. "I don't want to rush you or us. And you're right. We should try our best to make sure our decisions benefit the kids, too. I heard you today. I'll be right here whenever you're ready."
She blinked in disbelief. "Thank you." Even though he was simply reiterating his acceptance he voiced during their session, it was still hard to fathom. "Your being patient really means a lot to me."
"You're always worth the wait, babe."
Her heart did a backflip at his words.
This Peter was one she hadn't seen in a long time. The one that checked his ego at the door and was open, honest, and had more than a modicum of patience.
He's repeatedly told her he changed. And so far, she did like this improved version of her husband. But every now and then, that man full of hopes and dreams she fell in love with in her twenties popped up to remind her he was still there. Remind her that she loved him just as much, still, and didn't realize she missed him until now.
Peter lifted her left hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it, prolonging the gesture by grazing his lips over her wedding band before lowering it back between them.
Cue another backflip.
"Being down here reminds me of the time after I proposed." He lazily smiled down at her. "Remember? When we came down here after we told our families?"
She grinned, cupping their joined hands with her right.
"How could I forget? Post-proposal—no, almost a day after your proposal, and you were still a nervous wreck. I'd only seen you like that when you were studying for the bar. I was afraid you were going to tell me you changed your mind."
"I was anxious," he laughed. "The woman of my dreams said yes to spending the rest of her life with me. I was elated…scared."
"I know. I was scared, too. Though, I assumed my saying yes would've erased any anxiety you had."
"It did. But, babe, I spent months trying to find the perfect ring. Plotting the right moment of where I'd do it and when. All without you knowing. After it happened, it was still surreal. However, if my memory serves me right, after we spent time down here then went back to our apartment," his voice dropped as he licked his lips, "that night you helped erase any remaining anxiety and fears I had."
The rush of heat simultaneously filled her cheeks as she too remembered that night. A night filled with promise. Innocent happiness. Limitless love.
She gripped his hand tighter and leaned into the narrow gap between them.
"I thought showing you my appreciation for your efforts was the best remedy." His lopsided smile caused her to lean more against him. "You did good."
"I'm glad you think so. Because I couldn't wait to marry you." This time it was him that leaned into their space, fully closing the gap. Their arms molded together as they continued to stroll down memory lane. "I felt like time was slipping from my grasp then. Meanwhile, you were telling me even then there was no rush for us to get married. To take our time."
His pace dropped to that of a tortoise as he began sweeping his thumb across her knuckles in a gentle caress again.
"Makes me wonder sometimes if I've rushed us…rushed you. When all you needed from me was to slow down. To let you take your time. And for us to be in the moment."
Her eyes fluttered at his words as her heart started to pitter-patter against her chest. Hearing him say that was something she never thought he would. Despite lingering doubts, perhaps their session today was the real birth of them pressing forward and anew.
"Well," she said after a moment, "I think you are now. Slowing down and taking your time. And being in the moment. I appreciate that."
He brought her hand back to his mouth for another kiss, and then resumed their casual stride. Silence fell upon them again, both digesting the moment just shared, as they got lost in their thoughts.
They were nearing the end of the street now. New boutique shops filled their line of sight right before a row of strategically planted tress resumed its territory.
"In a couple years it'll be just you and me, babe," he said quietly. "Like this. Kids will be out of the house. All we'll have is time."
"What will we do with ourselves?" she said, her tone light and teasing.
He smirked down at her, opening his mouth to spill ideas when a manikin in a storefront window to his left caught his eye.
"Oh, I have an idea."
She peered up at him, waiting to hear these ideas when without warning, he gently tugged her hand, jarring their leisured pace. He quickly looked both ways to ensure no traffic was coming, and then guided them across the pavement to the adjacent sidewalk.
"Peter, what are you doing?"
He steered her near the window so that she could get an uncut view, laughing when he caught the tail end roll of her eyes.
"Seriously?" she said, failing to sound unamused because of the smile widening across her lips.
They stood in front of a French based lingerie store. A manikin was perched in the display 'clothed' in a black satin and lace garter set. They eyed the attire for a second longer as Peter slightly eased behind her and rested a palm on the side of her hip.
He lowered his head to her ear. "That would look amazing on you…"
She erupted in a throaty laugh as she looped her hand back in his and pivoted them back to the other side of the street.
"That is how we're going to stay occupied in our future empty nest? Me in lingerie?"
"You, in lingerie, is at the top of my list of favorites."
She pressed her arm back into his then craned her neck upwards, slowly licking her lips then whispered, "I thought you preferred me in nothing…"
His gaze lingered on her parted lips for a lured second before averting to her impish filled eyes.
"I do. I always will. But seeing you in that could possibly become the second preference."
She nudged his shoulder, unable to suppress a demure smile. "As much as I'd rather not, I think we need to head back to work now." She stole a quick glance at her watch, frowning at the time. "At least I do."
"How about a few more minutes?"
He began to move them towards the railing that hugged the sidewalk, the only barrier between them and Lake Michigan. They were a good distance from most of the crowds on the trail, allowing them an unblocked view of the water and downtown skyline. Given the time of day, the area was uncannily unoccupied and fairly private. The benches behind and around them were empty and no pedestrians were passing by at the moment.
Alicia quickly checked her watch again. Her next meeting was scheduled to start in about an hour and a half. A few more minutes were doable.
"Okay. A few more minutes."
Walking up to the railing, she readjusted her purse on her shoulder then lightly gripped the cool steel and swallowed a deep inhale of the fresh water seeded air as her eyes fluttered closed.
Home.
This. Here and now. It felt just like home.
And there was no place like home.
Peter observed her drift off into her own world as he recalled she often did when they were down here. She was always at peace; so was he. This was their place. When things were uncertain, they came here to walk, and talk, and reset their compass.
Wanting to capture the moment on his phone—her gripping the railing with her eyes closed, head slightly tilted towards the sky as the breeze lifted her hair in the wind and sun basked her in a youthful glow—he cursed himself for not remembering to fully charge it this morning. It was dead and useless in the breast pocket of his suit jacket.
"I'm with you, honey," he said, interrupting her moment with nature. "There's nothing like being by the water," he whispered, moving to stand behind her. She tensed almost immediately when he snaked his arms around her waist. "I know it's not your thing, but I would think after all the years we've been together you would be okay with a little PDA. "
She looked at him over her shoulder. "It's not that. It's—"
"I know," he said with a nod. There was always the 'what if's' that led him to check over his shoulder daily: photographer lurking, someone out for revenge and waiting to catch him when vulnerable. "I'm positive we're far away from prying eyes. So, let's enjoy this."
Panning her gaze back over the water, she decided to accept his words then sighed and relaxed against him, relishing in the comfort of his embrace as he tightened his arms around her, beginning to lightly sway them.
"Mom wants to host Thanksgiving at her house this year. Wants us to meet Jared. Welcome him into the family," she said with a stitch of annoyance while watching seagulls fly over the water's surface, breaking its stillness with their beaks in search for food.
"She's serious about this one?"
"Apparently. Maybe. I don't know. I stopped keeping track. Next year she'll be with a different man, I'm sure."
He chuckled. "Veronica's always been a…maverick."
She craned her neck to look up at him. "Was that a compliment?"
"Sure." When he saw her brow arch and eyes widen, he quickly corrected himself. "No. Ah…I'll just say I'm grateful that trait didn't rub off on you."
"Mm-hmm." She rested her head back against his shoulder. "She's leaving today."
"So soon?"
She grinned. "Yup. You were right. They finished the renovations a day early."
"Ahh. So I don't have to worry about anyone else putting ideas in your head."
"Peter…"
He brushed his lips along her ear. "We're good on that front? No other man you have in mind to run off into the sunset with?"
"Not at the moment. But if you screw up again, I can think of a few suitors."
His deep chuckle rumbled against her ears. "Rest assured I have no future plans of breaking our vows."
She straightened to look up at him; the trace of doubt in her eyes combined with her silence caused a dead weight to settle in his gut.
This was his fault. It was still hard to face. To hear.
In this instance: her telling silence.
She would always be doubtful.
Always need reassurance.
Their clean slate came with a host of invisible provisions that at times seemed to outweigh the gained progress they were working hard to stabilize.
"I promise you, Alicia," he reaffirmed. "I will do everything in my power to never hurt you or our kids again. Because this…right now," he hugged her tighter, "is priceless."
She set free a slow, heavy breath and peered up at him. She believed him. Heard him, too. Resting a hand on top of his on her waist, she didn't verbally respond but instead allowed silence to ease its way back into their conversation.
Because words wouldn't accurately convey how she felt.
Peter took note and removed his shades to lock onto her somber gaze. He glanced at her mouth then to her eyes. Lifting a hand, he smoothed it across her jawbone then back to coil within her hair.
"I love you," he gruffly whispered.
Her heart skipped a beat as she allowed herself to feel those famed three words, accept them. And the unhesitant urge to repeat them.
"I love you, too."
He angled his head lower, hovering his lips above hers.
Their eyes met in a familiar conversation. One they've had many times before.
A well-practiced non-verbal exchange was happening.
Without a second thought, she cupped his cheek and gently tugged his head down to fuse their lips together.
Alicia felt the wind blowing through her hair, the warmth from the sun on her skin, felt her body tingling with endorphins as she unabashedly made out with her husband while their city moved around them.
She felt alive.
It's been a long time since she's felt this way. It was as if she—they were, in this moment, that hopeless in love couple from two decades ago with a bright future of dreams and endless possibilities ahead of them.
Kissing him was dizzying.
Toe-curling.
Yet, in his embrace, she felt centered.
Anchored.
Home.
"I'm not ready to let you go," Peter whispered.
"I know."
She pecked his lips again, and then wiped away a smudge of her lipstick from the corner of his mouth with her thumb.
"Sorry," she said, blushing.
"How's my shade of red today?" he joked, reaching into his breast pocket for his handkerchief to finish cleaning off, what he was sure, a faint stain of red on his mouth.
She took a quick glance at his navy tie striped with lines of red and white, then snickered. "It matches perfectly with your tie."
With a final kiss, she turned in his arms to gaze back at the water, her head resting on his shoulder once more, and his pressed against her temple, grateful to let this moment be.
Grateful enough to let her thoughts resume its marathon of merging old and new: hopes and dreams, the present and a potentially bright future, a —
"Any other thoughts on today's session?" he asked, suspending her ruminations.
She picked apart his question with a grain of reflection.
"It was difficult," she answered. "When I think we're finally in a good place, all it takes is one word and we're back…there."
"Today that place was your mother." He felt her tense again. "I didn't say that to make you upset."
She closed her eyes for a moment. "I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes," she said reluctantly, choosing to get lost in the skyline for a fraction of a minute and ignore the subject that always caused her to lock up without fail.
"I know I have feelings towards my mother that are unresolved," she pressed on, quietly. "I fear sometimes I project that on Zach and Grace."
"How?"
"With our separation, for example. I think of my parents often, and their marriage. Maybe sometimes, more than I realize, I camouflage my fears as what's best for Zach and Grace's well being."
"Dr. Lewis would be drooling at the mouth if he heard you say that."
When she caught sight of the smile stretching across his face, she lightly nudged his stomach with her elbow.
"I'm serious, Peter."
"Alicia, you have nothing to worry about. You're an amazing mother. We're all lucky to have you."
She gave his words a beat to marinate as she thought of their teenagers. At times it was still hard to believe she was a mother of two teens.
"They're so big now," she said tearfully. "And they don't talk to me as much. I'm always finding out things after the fact."
"They're growing up. We can't know every thought or move they make all the time anymore."
She groaned, "Peter…"
He laughed, hearing the trademark maternal sadness his ears had grown attuned to over the years.
"I know, I know. But we can't stop them from growing up."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, resisting the urge to play the reel from infancy to teen in her head that would surely send her down a path of no return.
"Sometimes I feel like we haven't given them the space to take stock of our situation," she said.
His fingers paused on her arm mid-caress. He thought they had left this line of conversation in their therapist office, too.
"What do you mean?"
"With us. All the changes they've had to adapt to."
"Honey…" He gravely sighed. "They're solid kids. It's not like they need a session with Dr. Lewis."
At that, she turned to stare up at him. "Would that be such a bad thing?"
Peter leaned back slightly as he tried to gauge her stony expression. "Are you serious?"
She shrugged. "I…I…We haven't openly discussed anything really as a family."
"Alicia…"
"Peter, they've done things—"
"As teenagers do. We can't protect them from everything."
"It's not about protecting them but…more so they've been subject to our actions and have only been given explanations. Even when I've asked them how they've felt about everything, I feel like they're holding back." His repeated sigh ignited her unease. "Have they talked to you?"
"No. Not that I ever got the feeling they needed to."
She shook her head. "There's a feeling I can't shake, Peter. Maybe it's fear. I don't know. But thinking about us living together again, I want to make sure they're okay with it, too."
His eyes squinted, trying to scale where she was going with this.
"So…a family session?" he asked.
She bit her lower lip. "You think it's a bad idea?"
His head dropped as he considered the question.
This was stemming from some place deeper than he had the intelligence to pull out of her at the moment. Whatever Veronica said during their talk in the kitchen triggered a whole host of entombed feelings. Some he realized could possibly continue to cause them problems.
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
She opened her mouth, but no words came out.
"Alicia, you're the best mother there is. Our kids—"
"This isn't about me as a mother."
"It isn't?"
She rolled her eyes upon hearing the higher pitch in his tone; a green light that they were about to head into familiar territory.
"No, it's not," she said calmly. "As I said in our session, I want to make sure they're okay with everything. And if they have any thing they want to share with us. Owen was so distraught after our parents divorced."
So were you, he thought.
"I tried to protect him and…comfort him as best I could. I just…" She shook her head and lowered her gaze. "I think of Zach and what happened months ago. I don't want a repeat of him being caught with drugs, Peter. He told us since we moved it's been hard for him to make friends. If he's struggling in other ways that he's afraid to tell us…"
Peter smoothed a hand down the back of his neck, thinking of how he envisioned anything but this on how their walk would end.
"Okay," he said, caving. "If you think this is best, I'm not opposed. You're right. They've been through a lot. It doesn't hurt to have a check-in. I'll check with Dr. Lewis and see if he can accommodate. But I think getting the kids to agree will be a feat in itself."
She nodded. "Should we talk to them tonight?"
"It will be a late night for me but I'll try to wrap up early."
"Okay." She checked her watch again. "Oh, I need to get back."
Grabbing her hand, he began to steer them back towards the parking garage.
"Let's take the scenic route. Past that boutique…"
She laughed lightly, indulging listening to him talk about how he would buy her one in every color.
# # #
Alicia slowly raised her hand, and then lowered it. She blankly stared at the closed door of her daughter's bedroom, her heartbeat quickening, ringing loud in her ears.
She was planning to have a discussion that most mothers dreaded.
The talk.
The Talk.
After Peter called earlier to confirm he wouldn't be able to leave the office in time and suggest they talk to the kids tomorrow, she decided to press forward with this promised overdue talk instead. Actually, talks. Two previously interrupted talks she owed her daughter.
One in particular singled itself from the other.
She'd rehearsed over and over in her mind how this would go. A script of possible questions and tactful responses floated around in her head all evening, during and after dinner with the kids.
She kept a steady eye on her daughter this evening, more than usual. Memorizing the sound of her laugh, noting her hairstyle and that she always took time to style her hair before leaving for school with some variation of curls, and how her body was now filled out in certain places that she was positive were flat last year.
Her youngest was blossoming into a young woman right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Shrugging her shoulders, she dismissed those somberly thoughts and refocused on the door.
"It'll go fine," she whispered aloud to herself.
Grace isn't having sex. She's Christian…
The reminder of her daughter's chosen religion wasn't much comfort, but it was something. Enough to give her the courage to shake off her statuesque stance. Pulling at the hem of her sweater, she nodded, reaffirming her psyche that she could do this as she took a brave step forward.
Raising her hand again, she stilled it mid-air to suck in another deep breath before lightly knocking on the door.
"Come in!" Grace called from the other side.
Swallowing hard, Alicia turned the knob and opened the door to find Grace sitting at her desk, busily writing in a notebook.
"Studying?" asked Alicia, half-pivoting around to leave the door ajar.
Grace set down her pencil and swiveled in her computer chair to look her way, a welcome smile plastered on her face.
"Yeah. Algebra test tomorrow."
"Ah. Good ole Algebra." Alicia slowly eased down onto the dutifully made bed, doing her best to mentally calm the somersaults now raging in her stomach.
Crossing her legs, she neatly readjusted lain stuffed animals along the back of the wall and fluffed a flat pillow.
Grace watched her anxious movements with curious eyes.
"Mom, are you alright?"
"Yes," Alicia said slowly, folding her hands and meeting her concerned gaze. "I, umm…with so much that's gone on in the past few days, I remembered that we haven't had our…talks."
Grace leaned her head to the side, the crease of her brows deepening.
"About," Alicia continued, "what you overhead me and Grandma discussing. And…sex."
Grace relaxed against the back of her chair. "Oh."
"But I know you're studying so we can put this off for another time," she rushed out.
"Umm…" Grace gripped the edges of her seat and glanced back at her stack of schoolbooks and then to her mother. "Now is fine. I could use a break anyway."
Grabbing a hair barrette, she pulled her hair back into a low ponytail and moved to sit on the bay window cushioned bench, folding her legs Indian style.
Her poise signaled she was ready and prepared.
Alicia sat up straighter and cleared her throat. This calm and collected demeanor she did not anticipate. She thought at the single utterance of 'sex' Grace would have bolted from the room.
"So which will it be first?" she calmly asked.
Grace linked her fingers together, giving her question a serious second of cogitation.
"Umm…your boss. Will."
Alicia uncrossed then crossed her legs. Of course this would be the first one they discuss. Then again, she didn't prefer to discuss either. But especially this one. Explaining a platonic friendship (that was often misinterpreted as more by many) she had with another man, to her daughter, was…. well, a conversation no mother wanted to have.
And here she was having it again.
"Remember when I told you and your brother last year that Will and I thought we were…attracted to each other, but that's all it was?"
Grace nodded.
"Grandma and I were…in an odd way, discussing that. It was the same thing. I do not want to leave your father to be with Will."
"But you fantasize about him?"
"No. I do not."
"You told Grandma—"
"Grace, I had too much to drink that night and I said some things to your grandmother I never should have. I'm sorry you overheard that and were worried about Dad and me. But we're fine. Our marriage is fine."
Grace glanced down at her bracelet, distractedly fiddling with the charms. "I heard you and Dad fighting the other night before he left," she mumbled. "It didn't sound fine."
Alicia blinked rapidly as she looked towards the ceiling, releasing a slow breath.
"We're not perfect, and our relationship isn't perfect," she started gently. "Adults have complicated emotions. As you'll soon find out when you're a little older and experience your own relationships, after being with someone as long as your father and me have been together, things aren't always smooth. It's not always sunshine and happy moments. There are rainy days. Thorns. Wounded patches. It's the ability to overcome those obstacles that really define a relationship. So yes, we may bicker from time to time. But that doesn't mean we're not in a good place."
Grace nodded slowly. "So you love Dad?"
Alicia softly smiled. "I do."
For almost two years—going on three—she wondered if she could ever love him again and now she sat, confident to say she did love him.
Still.
"You're going to stay together?"
"We've committed to, yes."
"Does that mean he's going to move back in?"
Alicia pressed a hand into the mattress, resting her head on her shoulder.
"Maybe. How do you feel about that?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. It would be nice, I guess. Zach and I wouldn't have to switch houses every weekend. But…our apartment is small. Will he sleep in your room, or the spare room again?"
Alicia inhaled a deep breath. "If it is decided that Dad moves back in, then we will share my bedroom."
Grace twirled the bracelet around her wrist, thinking. "Mom, you never gave us a real reason before. About why you kicked Dad out."
Alicia shifted atop the bed uncomfortably.
"You told us you wanted to see if the marriage would work and it didn't anymore, but you and Dad were the way you used to be when we lived in Highland Park. Then all of a sudden, that just didn't happen anymore?"
"How did you see us back then?"
"You were, in love, I guess. At least compared to what my friends said about their parents. Dad would surprise you with jewelry and flowers. You guys were always kissing when you thought me and Zach weren't looking."
Alicia chuckled, covering her face in embarrassment.
"You just seemed happy again. And then…"
The smiled faded from Alicia's face. "Then what?"
"Then it all fell apart."
Hearing those words was never easy. The fact that it happened was one plight, but to hear it from the mouth of her child was an entirely new one in itself.
"Marriage isn't all romance, sweetheart. It's not just about gifts of flowers and jewelry. It requires work. Maintenance. If someday you choose to get married, do everything you can to choose a partner that is willing to do the work with you. Because, despite," she sucked in a breath, unable to stop the foreshadow of her own marriage, "the good times and bad times, ultimately, it's still choosing your partner and committing to stay together after life has presented every obstacle to make you want to give up."
"But what about love? Isn't that why people get married?"
"For some, yes. Love can be the reason in the beginning, but other reasons can develop along the way to keep the marriage going when love is no longer enough."
Grace propped her chin in the palm of her hand, letting the words sink in.
"It sounds so final."
"It doesn't have to be. Anyone is free to walk away from a marriage whenever they choose. But, it's also a legally binding agreement that isn't as easy to walk away from. And shouldn't be. If that time ever comes for you, remember this conversation. Don't agree to marry someone only on the basis of love. Think about…the bigger picture, too."
"Is that what you did with Dad?
She smiled softly. "I did. I was very in love your father when we got married." Her smile broadened as a flash of Peter standing at the altar on their wedding day flittered across her mind. "While we were dating, I saw in him a man that would always support me, be a great father to our children and…just be present."
Grace grinned at the plain nostalgia plastered across her face. "I think he's done a good job so far. Even though he made a huge mistake."
The smile faded from Alicia's face at the reminder. "Yeah, he is a pretty good dad." Straightening her posture, she ignored the anxiety starting to brew in the pit of her stomach. "Should we talk about the other thing now?"
Grace's nervous eyes met her mother's trepid ones.
"Okay," she said quietly.
"Have you learned anymore about sex since our last talk?"
"Not much. I mean, I know about contraceptives, and the…" She moved her hands sporadically in the air, to gesture the act instead of voicing the word. Alicia quickly folded her arms across her chest, nodding in acknowledgement. "But, I guess, what more do I need to know?"
Alicia thought back to their previous conversation. "What did you hear the girls in the bathroom at your school say?"
Grace's head dropped. "Mommm, I don't think you want to know."
Alicia held up a hand. "You're absolutely right. They're the same age as you and I don't want that association in my head."
"Mom," Grace laughed at her discomfort, "I'm not planning to have sex soon."
"Well…that's a relief!" Alicia stared at her; momentarily thinking the conversation could end now, except for the deadpan expression on her daughter's face. She immediately filled in the rest of Grace's unspoken statement hanging in the air, fearing the worst.
"You said you're not planning to have it soon. That means you are thinking about having it?" she asked, aghast.
Grace shrugged. "No, Mom. I'm just—"
"With Scott?!"
"Noooo! He's not even my boyfriend…"
Alicia eyed her, wondering why whenever Scott was mentioned, the prospect of him being her boyfriend always followed in congruence.
"But you want him to be your boyfriend?"
"Maybe."
"You think you need to have sex with him for him to be your boyfriend?" she asked, practically choking on the words.
"No, I don't. Mom, it's not about that. A lot of kids in my class have had sex. I just wanna know."
Alicia processed her response, briefly wondering why it never crossed her mind for her and Peter to spearhead this conversation. She could use backup right now.
"And you're still a—Christian?"
Grace shrugged, nodding.
Alicia tilted her head, squinting. "I thought Christian's don't have premarital sex."
"They don't! Well they're not supposed to," she muttered. "And I'm not going to. I'm just…" She shrugged again, not knowing how to translate what she wanted to say.
Alicia brushed stray tendrils from her face, finally gaining an understanding of why her daughter initially asked about this. At least she thought she did.
"Okay. You're only curious. Which is normal. Even though I'm not ready for you to be curious. And the fact that kids in your class have had se—"
"Mom," Grace whined at her rambling.
"—So what I will say is that, I can't tell you when you should or shouldn't experience that. If it were up to me, never."
Grace covered her face with both hands. "Mom!"
"I also can't tell you that it will be…memorable." Grace lowered her hands, listening closely now. "But what I can tell you is to make sure you always protect yourself. And when you do decide to have that experience, you share that moment with someone you care about and someone that cares very much about you, too. Respect your body and men will, too."
Grace said nothing; absorbing in silence.
Alicia watched her, visibly seeing her struggle to digest the simplest explanation she could conjure in the moment.
"Is that what you wanted to know?" she timidly asked.
"In a way. Somewhat." Grace rocked her head from side to side from indifference as she straightened her legs then hugged her knees to her chest. "Mom, how old were you your first time?"
Alicia released a nervous laugh. "Um, sweetheart, I don't think we've reached that level of transparency with this talk yet."
In her innate headstrong way, she tried again. "Were you and Dad each other's firsts?"
Alicia bit the inside of her cheek, brainstorming a quick exit plan. She'd had enough fire drill questions for the hour.
"No, we weren't," she said honestly. "But…when we did experience that, it was because we deeply loved and cared about one another. It wasn't just out of lust."
Alicia met her studious gaze while screaming inside, is that all? Please say yes!
"Okay," said Grace, releasing her legs to sit upright. "I don't think I'm ready but…"
Alicia never imagined her kids, her kids, would give into the renowned peer pressure. But one kid had already proved her wrong. And though this one hadn't outright said it, she was now to beginning to wonder if the real root of this discussion was because —
"You're not ready but you are feeling pressure to have sex? Is that it, Grace?"
She lowered her gaze. "A lot of girls I know have."
Alicia tapped into her emotional intelligence, suppressing the outburst to question why—again—girls her daughter's age weren't fulfilled from the innocence and joys of only being a kid.
"You don't have to do anything you're not ready for. At your age, being careless about sex can have serious consequences. It's more than okay that you're waiting. That won't make you any less of a woman. I'm sure there are a lot of boys at your school that haven't had sex either."
Grace snickered. "Thanks, Mom. I do feel better about it a little bit."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, I am sure that I have no plans to have sex."
Alicia beamed.
"And you're good on the…" She attempted to mock Grace's previous hand animations.
"Yes," said Grace. "I know how it happens."
"Okay. Good!" Alicia was doing somersaults on the inside, glad to dodge that bullet. "You know that I'm always here if you have anymore questions, right? Or if you just want to talk. About anything."
She smiled shyly. "I know."
Alicia rose from the bed and walked over to envelop her in a tight hug. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Planting a kiss within her hair, Alicia turned and began to walk towards the door when halfway she spun around.
"About Scott."
"What about him?"
"I know you said he's not your boyfriend," she began, folding her arms.
Grace looked up at her, puzzled. "Right. He's not."
"But he is a boy that's your friend that you like." The skin between Grace's brows crinkled. "Invite him over for dinner one night for a proper introduction."
"Oh, Mom, no. That's not necessary."
"I think we should meet him. Maybe we'll like him, too," she said, smirking.
Grace thought for a moment. "Will Dad be there, too?"
Alicia's eyes filled with mirth. "Oh, yes. Dad will be at that dinner."
Grace said, begrudgingly, "Okay. I'll ask him."
"Great!"
With a wide and satisfied smile, she walked from the room, basking in relief.