Chapter Four: Babysitting
Pairing: Royai
Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Heymans Breda, Kain Fuery
Rating: T
Summary: Who in the HELL thought it was a bright idea to let Team Mustang babysit their Commanding Officer and his second-in-command's daughter?
To say that Sophia Nicole Mustang was spoiled would be an understatement.
To say that her parents, Brigadier General Roy Mustang and First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, were overprotective of their daughter would be an even bigger understatement.
At ten months old, the baby girl had essentially grown up inside of Eastern Command, going to work with her parents nearly every day. She used the empty pen cartridges as teethers. The larger spare parts of old phones and radios that Fuery couldn't fix became her toys. Eastern Command Center was more her home then either Riza or Roy's apartments were.
All Of Team Mustang and most of the other soldiers there adored Sophia, though her parents never had any reason to leave her alone with anyone for more then a few minutes.
Until that afternoon.
"Sir, Major General Maverick is here with his men from West City. He is expecting a meeting with you and Hawkeye in ten minutes." Breda said, entering the office with Fuery.
"Why wasn't this brought up sooner?" Roy groaned, bouncing a giggling Sophia on his lap.
"I've reminded you of his upcoming visit twice in the last week, Sir." Riza reminded him with a glare.
"Oh."
Rolling her eyes, Riza lifted their daughter out of his arms, placing her back in her pen.
"How long is the meeting?" He groaned.
"Three hours." Riza sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Neither of them had ever left Sophia alone that long before, not unless she was with the other.
"Does this mean we get to watch Baby Mustang?" Heymans asked with a grin.
"Don't call her that." Riza groaned. "And yes." She added, taking a piece of paper and quickly jotting down a list of instructions for them, handing it to Kain.
"Our daughter had better be in one piece, or you two will have laterine duty for the next decade." Roy snarled, as he and Riza left for the main conference room on the floor below them.
"So what are the instructions?" Heymans asked Kain.
Feed her eight ounces of formula at ten, two, and six. Bottles are in the fridge behind the General's desk.
Just because the meeting is only supposed to be three hours, doesn't mean we'll only be gone for three hours.
If she doesn't finish a bottle, put it back in the fridge and try again within an hour. If she's still hungry after finishing an entire bottle, give her another.
In the extremely unlikely event you run out of bottles (highly doubt it) here's how to make them:
•Eight ounces of cold water
•Four scoops of formula
•Shake well until powder is completely dissolved.
Formula container is in the bag under my desk.
Diapers and wipes are also I'm the bag. If she's red use the cream in the blue tube AND the baby powder. Do not use a ton of powder.
If she poops, put the dirty diaper in one of the black plastic bags in the side pocket. They'll stink up half the floor if you don't.
Don't give her any of your lunch (I'm talking to you, Lieutenant Breda) Her Doctor said no solid foods before a year.
"Is this what it's like having a child?" Kain groaned.
"Apparently."
"No wonder my brothers don't want children." Kain sighed.
"Hey Sophia, you excited to spend time with Uncle Heymans and Uncle Kain?" Heymans grinned at the infant, who was chewing on the edge of her playpen.
Sophia looked up at him, then around the room, realizing that neither Roy nor Riza were in the room anymore.
Then started wailing. Loudly.
"Crap!"
Riza was not looking forward to this meeting with Major General Maverick.
Not because she didn't want to leave Sophia alone for three hours, or because Roy had forgotten about the meetings existence, but because of Maverick himself.
Major General Wyatt Maverick was a large portly man, so large he made Heyman's Breda appear to be underweight and malnourished, his thin brown hair growing thinner and thinner every year. He had a bigger ego then Hakuro would ever have, believing fully well that his shit didn't stink- when in reality it stunk up half of Amestris.
How he wasn't involved with Bradley and the events of the Promised Day, Riza would never comprehend.
Not to mention his views on women were, sexist, to say the least.
Thank the God she was raised not to believe in that not many people outside of Eastern Command and a few soldiers here and there in Central and Briggs knew of Sophia's existence.
"Major General Maverick. Wonderful to see you, Sir." Roy said as they walked up to the man and the three male subordinates he brought with him, both he and Riza saluting him.
"Brigadier General Mustang, I'm surprised you even remember this meeting was today." Maverick retorted, rolling his eyes.
No, he did forget. Which should surprise absolutely no one. Riza though, holding back an eye roll of her own.
"Luckily for me I had Lieutenant Hawkeye to make sure I didn't forget." Roy said casually.
Maverick snorted, eyeing Riza up and down.
"A woman has absolutely no place in our great country's military. A woman's place is at home, bearing sons for her Husband, chosen for her by her Father." He scoffed, turning to enter the conference room with his men, leaving an internally seething Riza and a stunned Roy out in the hallway.
"Permission to shoot him, Sir?" She snarled lowly.
"Permission denied, Hawkeye. If I can't burn him, you can't shoot him. But now I understand why he's been divorced twice." Roy muttered in her ear, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before entering the room.
This was going to be a very long three hours.
Forty five minutes into the meeting and Sophia was still in hysterics.
"We have to calm her down or else the Chief is gonna roast is over an open fire like marshmallows!" Kain cried.
"Or worse! Riza is gonna use us as target practices!" Heymans yelped, gripping the lapels of the younger and smaller man's uniform.
"Hawkeye is a way scarier mom then Mustang is a dad! She's going to be in a bad mood as is. I dealt with Maverick when I was stationed out West last year- a misogynistic pig doesn't even come close to describing him!" He added, wincing as Sophia let out a particularly loud shriek, sobbing for her mom or dad to comfort her.
Heymans ended up being the braver of the two, going over to the wailing infant and scooping her into his arms.
Being held didn't help calm her down. If anything, being held by someone that wasn't one of her parents made her scream louder.
"Maybe she needs a diaper change?" Kain suggested, putting his fingers in his ears.
"Anything to get her to stop crying." Heyman's sighed, placing Sophia on one of the spare desks in their office, as Kain went to grab the diaper bag under Riza's desk.
He undid the snaps to her onesie, unstrapped her diaper, and let out a groan of defeat.
"She's dryer then Ishval." He sighed, redressing her.
"Then what's wrong with her?" Kain cried.
"I don't know. Maybe she's hungry? Get a bottle from the fridge." Heymans suggested, trying to speak over Sophia's high pitched wails.
The younger man quickly ran to the fridge, pulled out one of the glass baby bottles, rushing back to his comrade and handing it to him.
They both groaned loudly when Sophia refused to take it.
"She's gonna end up hyperventilating. I'm surprised she hasn't already started!" Kain wailed.
"Oh fuck this shit. Go get Hawkeye! Make up an excuse, say I screwed up on paperwork or some shit like that. I don't care. Go!" Heymans ordered, rocking Sophia in his arms as Kain ran out the door.
Riza stood by the door, arms crossed behind her, as she listened to Roy and Maverick drone on and on about the meeting's subject.
Apparently Maverick thought it was a grand idea to try and convince Roy Mustang, womanizer extraordinaire, to help him persuade Führer Grumman to discharge all of Amestris' female soldiers from the military, and make it a men's only profession.
They had better things to do then waste three hours listening to this bullshit.
"It's simple biology, Mustang. Women are much weaker and more emotional then men. They have no business dealing with guns and or war." Maverick pointed out.
"Sir, you are aware that Lieutenant Hawkeye not only served with me in Ishval, but is also the best sniper this country has seen in over a century, right?" Roy said, pointing a thumb behind him at Riza.
Oh Roy, please don't drag me into this bullshit conversation. Damnit, you're supposed to love me, you bastard! Riza mentally groaned.
"The best sniper this country has is a man known as the Hawk's Eye." One of Maverick's subordinates, a Colonel named Shawn Thomas, scoffed.
"I was not aware that you used to be a man, Lieutenant." Roy turned around in his chair, grinning at her.
"It's a good thing I grew my hair out, Sir. Eliminates any possible confusion of what my gender might be." Riza responded, biting back a smile of her own.
Before Maverick or Thomas could reply, Kain pounded on the door with his knuckles, too terrified to enter the room.
"Could you see who that is and what their problem is?" Roy asked her. Riza nodded, opening the door, surprised to see a panting Kain at the other side.
"Lieutenant Hawkeye, I need your help with the paperwork!" He cried, grabbing her by the arm, pulling her out of the room with a yelp, and shutting the door behind her with his other hand.
"You have some very odd subordinates, Mustang." Maverick scoffed.
"I'm... well aware of that, Sir." Roy replied, confused as hell.
"What is it Fuery?" Riza sighed, as she followed him down the hall to the elevator.
"Sophia won't quit screaming. She's been crying the entire time you and the Chief have been gone. Nothing is working. She doesn't need a diaper change, she won't take a bottle. Soothing her isn't doing anything. We don't know what's wrong with her!" Kain cried.
Riza didn't even bother entering the lift, instead deciding to take the stairs, as they would get her to her baby faster.
Halfway between the stairs and Roy's office and she could hear Sophia crying, and she began to see red. She slammed the door open, and saw Breda struggling to soothe her daughter.
"Give me my baby!" She snarled, marching over to him, Kain entering the room as she reached their comrade. He gladly handed the screeching ten month old over to her Mother.
As soon as Sophia realized who was holding her, she instantly stopped crying.
The three soldiers stared at the infant in shock, all three pairs of eyes wide as she cooed happily, as if she hadn't spent the better part of the last hour in hysterics. In fact, the only proof she even had been crying were her tear stained cheeks.
An idea occurred to Riza, who quickly handed her daughter over to Kain. As soon as Sophia was out of her arms, she started crying again.
"Oh sweetie! You just wanted mommy, huh?" Riza cooed, all anger quickly evaporating as she took Sophia back into her arms, snuggling her against her chest.
"I'm so sorry you two, she's never done this before." Riza sighed, kissing her daughter's forehead.
"Has she really been crying this entire time?" She asked.
"She started screaming bloody murder within minutes of you guys leaving." Heyman's groaned.
"Sorry I had to drag you out of the meeting, but we were worried she was going to make herself sick." Kain apologized.
"Don't be. If I had known what the subject of the meeting was, I would've sent one of you two to go in my place." She scoffed, rocking Sophia to sleep in her arms.
"That bad, huh?" Heymans' smirked.
"That idiot Maverick thinks Mustang is going to agree with his view point of having the Military be a men's only profession." She groaned.
"Oh, and apparently the men in Western Command think that I'm a man myself."
"Most of the South thinks so as well..." Kain informed her.
"Joy." Riza drawled, rolling her eyes.
Roy walked back into the office two hours later, groaning loudly.
"I don't ever wanna hear that man speak again in my life. First thing I'm gonna do when I'm Führer is make that jackass retire." He huffed, smiling at the sight of Sophia finishing up a bottle in Riza's arms.
"Hi Princess." He grinned, kissing her cheek. "You have fun with your Uncles?"
"Uh no. Apparently she was screaming bloody murder the entire time we were both gone. And as soon as I picked her up, she stopped like that." Riza informed him, snapping her fingers.
"Wow. So she was the paperwork, huh?" Roy asked.
"Yep." Kain sighed.
"I'm glad you got me out of there, Fuery. All I wanted to do was punch that bastard in the throat." Riza sighed.
"You know you would get a lot more respect from the higher ranking officers if you were more open about your familial ties with Grumman." Roy reminded her, scooping Sophia in his arms.
"Yeah, but that also comes with the Generals and other politicians trying to get my Grandfather to set up a marriage between me and one of their sons. Personally, I would rather deal with their sexist comments then to have them try to make me their Daughter-in-Law." Riza shrugged.
"As long as you're sure." Roy said, giving her a quick peck on the lips that Breda and Fuery pretended not to see.