Chapter Five: Mistake
Pairing: Royai
Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Edward Elric, Grumman
Rating: T
Summary: Roy learns to never fall asleep at work. Especially if Edward Elric is visiting.

Roy knew it was a mistake to sleep at his desk the day before an some supposedly important celebration in East City, with Führer Grumman himself showing up for it that afternoon.

Riza, the absolutely wonderful love of his life outside of the work place, had warned him thousands of times to not fall asleep at work.

But did he listen to her? Nope!

So that's how he found himself in his particular situation, in his office's personal bathroom, desperately trying to scrub off the hideous "mustache" Edward had drawn on his face while he slept, the younger blonde cackling loudly in his office over the older man's freak out.

"I'm gonna slaughter you, Fullmetal!" Roy screamed from behind the closed door.

"Shouldn't have been drooling at your desk, ya bastard!" Ed cackled.

"When I get through with you, you'll be in pieces! There's an important event today! You couldn't have done this after it was done and over with? Or better yet tomorrow?!" Roy groaned.

Riza chose that moment to walk back into the office, a newly eleven month old Sophia resting on her hip, the infant adorned in a nice dress for the ceremony.

"What is going on?" She groaned, running through her freshly cut hair, having decided over the weekend that having long hair and a hair pulling infant was no longer a good combination.

"Hawkeye! I order you to shoot Fullmetal! Make it lethal!" Roy ordered angrily, still in the bathroom.

He was pissed over Ed's prank, and the fact that it wasn't coming off was making him even more livid.

"I'm not shooting someone in front of Sophia, especially if I don't know why." She sighed, shifting their daughter over to her other hip.

Roy chose that moment to open the bathroom door, revealing why he wanted Edward deceased.

"Look what that half pint little shit drew on my face!" He snarled, pointing to his upper lip.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET YOU MIDDLE AGED SHIT HEAD!?" Edward screamed at him.

"Oh dear God." Riza gasped, slapping her free hand over her open mouth.

"Who the fuck are you calling middle aged? Because of you, I look like the kind of person Mother's hide their children from!" Roy cried.

"J-Just wash it off." Riza stammered, trying to calm the two men down.

"I've been trying for ten minutes! I even tried using alchemy to get it off. Didn't do a damn thing! If I was a heavier sleeper, I'd be convinced the shithead tattooed it on me!" Roy hollered.

"Don't tempt me in the future, Colonel." Ed scoffed.

"That's General to you, you little runt. Why are you even here anyway?"

"DON'T CALL ME A RU-"

"Enough! Both of you!" Riza screamed at them.

Groaning angrily, she placed Sophia in her playpen, before marching over to the two bickering dumbasses.

"Roy, stop yelling at him in front of Sophia. Or at the very least quit cussing." She snapped.

"Ed, you are almost eighteen years old. You are supposed to be more mature then this. We're supposed to be celebrating the anniversary of Eastern Command's founding in less then an hour." Riza hissed.

Oh so that's why today is important. Roy mentally shrugged.

"General Firecrotch shouldn't have been sleeping on the job." Ed shrugged, jabbing his thumb at him.

"But did you have to draw a pedostache on my face?" Roy groaned.

"Would you have rather me gone to get Hawkeye so she could wake you up to the sound of a cocking handgun?" Ed scoffed.

"Yes!" He hissed.

"Hello there? Anyone in?" A voice sounded out from behind the closed door.

"Oh no. God kill me now." Roy whined.

Behind the door was none other then Führer Tobias Reginald Grumman.

"Let's just get this over with." Riza sighed. "Come in Grandfather!" Riza yelled cheerfully, turning to face the door with a salute.

"You don't have to salute me unless the Councilmen are around, Elizabeth Jolene." Grumman scoffed, walking over to Riza and pulling her in for a hug.

"How many times do I have to ask you not to call me by my legal given name?" Riza grimaced, hugging him back.

"Call it a perk of being the Führer, I don't always have to listen to my second favorite granddaughter." He snorted.

Grumman noticed Sophia in her pen, a large grin forming on his face.

"And there's my favorite granddaughter!" He cooed, walking over to Sophia, who was happy to be picked up by her great grandfather.

"Now don't you look just absolutely adora- Mustang what in the hell is on your upper lip?" He gagged.

"Ask. Him. Sir." Roy snarled, pointing to a still smirking Edward.

"I pranked him while he napped." Ed shrugged.

"You three do know that there will be photographers at the ceremony today, correct?" Grumman reminded them.

"Can I get a copy of one involving my masterpiece on Mustang's face?" Ed asked Grumman gleefully.

"Fullmetal!" Roy snapped.

"Sure!" Grumman smirked.

"Sir!" Roy whined.

Ed laughed happily, flashing a shit eating grin in Roy's direction.

"I'm gonna make sure Lieutenant General Armstrong gets a copy as well." He smirked.

"Now will you shoot him?" Roy begged Riza.

"Not in front of Sophia." Riza groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

So uh, yeah.
Sorry this isn't longer. I'm honestly not a fan of Roy's disgusting mustache. Or Riza with short hair, if I'm being honest.
But I needed to eventually write a story regarding their picture in the epilogue, and wanted to get it done & over with.