D.B. Russell held me against him as we sat on the stretcher at the crime scene. He tried to sooth my shaking as he looked at the people moving past us. Grissom ran over sighing with relief seeing us.
"Are you all right?" He asked
"Yes, just a few scratches. Sara is not doing well."
Grissom touched my arm and I moved deeper into Russell with my face hidden.
"She's not talking." Russell said
The paramedics wanted to take me to the hospital. Russell moved slowly away from me as I grabbed at him.
"It's okay." He said "They want to take you to the hospital."
I grabbed at him clutching his arm looking scared.
"You'll be okay."
He moved back dropping his arm from my grasp. I looked around scared seeing people looking at me. Grissom tried to get me to lie down.
"Sara, lie down." He said
I screamed struggling against him as the paramedic got something.
"Hold her arm!" The man said, inserting a needle into my arm. I struggled more than calmed down feeling loopy.
Grissom put me onto the stretcher helping the men lift the stretcher into the ambulance. He gave Russell his keys and then he got into the ambulance touching my leg.
I woke a few hours later. A strange man and Grissom were talking at the end of the bed in hushed voices.
They both noticed me looking at them.
"Look whose awake." The doctor said, walking over to the bed "You look much better than you did. How are you feeling?"
I just looked at him.
"Come on, you can say something." He said
I looked at Grissom seeing a worried look.
"Are you hungry?" The doctor asked
I moved stiffly.
"You have to be by now. I'll have a nurse get you something."
He nodded at Grissom then walked out. Grissom sat in a chair touching my hand.
"Honey say something." He said
I blinked looking at him. He sighed rubbing my hand. I looked around the room seeing a nurse come in with a tray.
"Here's some food for the patient." She said, placing it on a table wheeling it over me. "Let me know if there is anything else you need."
"Thank you." Grissom said
She smiled walking out. Grissom took the lid off looking at the sandwich on the plate. He made the bed go up and then he lifted the half of a sandwich to my mouth.
"Take a bite."
I looked at the sandwich then at him. He waited till I opened my mouth taking a bite.
"Is it good?"
I nodded making him smile a little.
"Can I come in?" Russell asked, peeking in behind the door.
"Yes, come in." Grissom said, making me eat another bite of sandwich.
"How's the patient?" He asked, coming over.
"Still not talking." Grissom said
"What's wrong?" Russell asked, concerned.
"The doctor said that she is suffering from shell shock. She just won't talk."
I looked at them both chewing.
"I got hold of Jim." Russell said, looking at me.
"Did he say when he would be back?" Grissom asked
"He asked that you keep him informed. He was just getting on the boat when I got hold of him."
"He told me once that when he goes on vacation that something always happens here." Grissom said
"Well I told him to go enjoy himself. The man never goes anywhere." Russell said
"Do you mind staying here for a few moments? I want to get a coffee." Grissom asked
"No, I don't mind." Russell said
Grissom walked out as Russell sat on the bed looking at me.
"Sara, I know you can talk."
I stared at him as he waited.
"It's safe here. You can say something."
I shook my head looking to the side. Russell looked down sadly. Grissom came back with two coffees. Russell left soon after as Grissom sat in the chair by the bed drinking as he watched me. I slept after eating then woke to thunder outside. I hid under my blankets shaking. Another boom and I was running out of the room down the hallway as nurses ran after me.
Grissom walked into the hospital half an hour later coming to my room. A nurse was in there with me trying to calm me down.
"She was scared of the storm." She said
"I can stay with her." Grissom said
"Try to keep her calm." The woman said, leaving.
I looked at him with pleading eyes as I jumped hearing a booming sound. Grissom climbed up on the bed sitting beside me. He put his arms around me kissing my head.
"It's okay, it's just a storm." He said
I jumped again burrowing deeper into his chest. He rubbed my back making the bed go down lower. He closed his eyes kicking his shoes off.
"Try to sleep." He said
I tried to relax and over time I was able to. I kept waking through the night to make sure that he was still with me.
He woke in the morning seeing a tray with a lid on it on the table by the end of the bed. He yawned slowly moving off the bed looking at me sleeping. He looked at his watch putting on his shoes.
"Sara?" He called, touching my cheek. "Honey, wake up."
I moved slowly opening my eyes.
"I have to go. You need to eat. I'll be back soon." He said
I reached for him as he leaned over kissing my head. He brought the table over me lifting the lid.
"This looks good. I want you to eat."
I nodded as he touched my leg then he walked out.
"Mr. Grissom, how is Sara?" The doctor asked, walking over with a woman in a dark suit.
"She's fine." Grissom said "I was just going home to get ready for work."
"I want to introduce Doctor Elizabeth Sherman. She is here to help Sara."
Grissom shook her hand.
"I work with PTSD patients and I think I can help Sara."
"I read your book. I think that would be a good idea. Please call me if anything happens."
Grissom walked out.
He walked into the lab going to his office an hour later seeing a pile high stack of papers on his desk. He sighed sitting down looking at them. His phone went off as he got started.
"Grissom." He answered
"Gil, it's Jim."
Grissom sat back in his chair holding the phone.
"How is the fishing trip?"
"I haven't caught anything the whole time. How is Sara?"
"The same. A doctor is working with her right now. I stayed with her last night."
"What happened to cause this?"
"She was at the scene in the house and the house exploded all around them. It was a miracle that they both were alive."
"Do I need to come back?" Jim asked
"No, you need rest."
"I'll be back in two days. Call me if there is trouble."
"I will."
Grissom hung up sitting still a moment looking at his phone.
After shift he came back to the hospital. The room was dark as he entered. He turned on the light beside the bed seeing that I was sleeping. He fixed my blankets touching my hand.
The door opened as the doctor came in seeing him.
"How is she?" Grissom asked
"She has a fever that we are monitoring." The doctor said, quietly as he touched my head.
"What caused it?" Grissom asked
"It's not uncommon for this to happen. I want to stay close and watch her."
Grissom reached over touching my head feeling the heat coming off me.
"There is nothing to do right now. Why don't you go home and sleep?" The doctor said
"You got it."
Grissom hesitantly walked out worried about me. He went to bed when he came home.
I moved my head feeling someone touching me. Opening my eyes, I saw the doctor checking me as he talked to the nurse beside him. I saw his lips moving as he talked to me, but I didn't understand him.
They both walked out as I moved feeling weak and miserable. The nurse came back in putting medication into the IV drip. I closed my eyes letting the darkness take over.
"Sara?" A voice called "Honey, wake up."
A hand went to my head and cheek.
"Sara, it's dad."
My eyelids had weights on them.
"Come on, wake up."
I slowly opened my eyes seeing Jim Brass standing by the bed looking at me.
"Hey." He said "Your fever is gone."
I wanted to hug him, but my arms were to heavy.
"You've been asleep awhile." He said "I came back because I was worried about you."
I let my eyes close as he kissed my head rubbing my cheek. He watched me go to sleep again then he went in search of the doctor.
"When can Sara go home?" He asked
"I want her to stay one more day. Doctor Sherman wants to continue working with her." The doctor said
After talking to the doctor, he went to the lab walking into Grissom's office sitting down infront of his desk.
"They want to keep her there overnight." Brass said, rubbing his head.
"You didn't have to come home early." Grissom said
"I couldn't stop thinking about her. Ellie hates me because I was never there for her. I can't let that happen to Sara."
"Jim, I think Ellie will realize that she loves you one of these days." Grissom said
"It's over between us. I have accepted that." Jim said, standing. "I'm going home to sleep."
"When do you come back?"
"Tomorrow." He said "See ya later."
"Bye."
Grissom watched Jim leave hearing the sadness in his friend's voice.
I was sitting up eating dinner when Grissom came. I gave him a small smile before taking a bite of the sandwich I held.
"You look much better." He said "Want to say something?"
I shook my head. He leaned over kissing me tasting the egg salad.
"Mmm, that's good." He said, as he leaned back. "I need to head to a meeting soon."
He kissed my head then looked at his wrist watch. I slept having a nightmare about the explosion. I sat up breathing in and out fast. A figure walked over quietly, and I jumped again as dad came into the dim light by the bed.
"It's just me." He said
I looked around the room as he touched my arm.
"I got off work and wanted to see you." He said "Your shaking."
He climbed in next to me pulling me back against him. We were silent listening to the central air humming. I went back to sleep after five minutes as he stayed awake. When I woke early he was gone.
Doctor Sherman came in to see me at nine. I listened to her talk and all I wanted to do was go home. She tried to get me to talk. After she left I laid on my side feeling tears come down my cheeks. I just wanted to leave.
Brass walked in before he had to go to work seeing that I was sitting up in bed with a frown on my face.
"What's wrong?" He asked
I sighed looking down.
"Something has made you unhappy." He said
I pointed to the window and he looked at them.
"Did you see something?"
I shook my head trying to tell him I wanted to leave. He finally caught on sitting on the bed.
"Honey, the doctor said you can go home in a few hours."
I moved to my side not facing him.
"You need to stay here for a little while. I know you can."
He touched my blanket covered hip.
"If you talk right now I will get them to release you now." He said
I turned looking at him.
"I know how much you want to leave. All you need to do is talk."
I sat up looking at him. He touched my cheek with his hand.
"Come on."
He watched me struggle. I opened my mouth but closed it unable to make a sound. I gave up looking down.
He pulled me against him as I started to cry.
The doctor was willing to release me by two. Grissom brought me home. I sat down on the couch with my feet up. Grissom put a blanket over me then he looked me over.
"Soup?"
I shook my head reaching for him. He sat down on the couch searching my eyes.
"I need to go to work soon." He said
I pulled him closer till we were kissing. He touched my arms then my back. I didn't want him to leave me. He moved back opening his eyes. I let my hands wander to his belt. He stopped me lifting my hands to his lips kissing them.
"I want to, but I can't now." He said
I sighed nodding.
He came closer touching my cheeks with his hands.
"Sara, please say something." He said "Say anything."
I swallowed looking at him as he searched my eyes.
"Please." He said
My heart started to race as he waited.
"Come on." He said
I tried to talk. He could see that I was struggling.
"You can do it." He said
I breathed in and out fast. Thunder boomed outside, and I screamed holding my head.
"Sara!" Grissom shouted
I screamed again falling to the floor. Grissom pulled me against him as I cried. He rocked me back and forth.
Another boom! I cried again shaking violently. I grabbed at him frantically.
"He….hel….help!" I cried
"It's okay." He said "It's okay."
The next shook the house. I screamed again going limp. Grissom pulled me closer. I woke on the couch alone. It was raining outside and dimly lit. I slowly got up feeling a headache start.
The front door opened, and I saw Brass come in seeing me. He turned on the light switch by the front door.
"Hey, I was just coming to check on you." He said
I ran over hugging him. He hugged me back.
"Are you hungry?" He asked
"No." I said
He moved back touching my cheek.
"You talked?"
I nodded shivering. He kissed my head hugging me again.
Grissom came home late hearing the TV on. He walked into the living room seeing Brass sleeping sitting up with his feet on the coffee table. I laid beside him with a blanket covering me. Grissom walked over touching Brass's shoulder. The older man jumped a little seeing Grissom.
"Hey, are you just coming home?" He asked, looking at his watch.
"I had to talk to Nick and Greg." Grissom said "How is Sara?"
Brass looked over at me then he stood.
"She's better."
"Good." Grissom said "You need to go to bed."
"I got a heavy day tomorrow. I need to talk to Sophia about the past week."
Grissom nodded walking with Brass to the front door.
"To thank her for covering for me I got her a gift."
"What is it?" Grissom asked, opening the door.
"My buddies and I stopped at this shop and right on the wall there hung one of those fish that sing on a wooden plaque."
Grissom shook his head chuckling.
"That sounds better than the cheap perfume basket you got her last year."
"Yeah." Brass said "Goodnight, Gil."
"Goodnight." Grissom said, shutting the door.
He walked over bending down touching my arm.
"Sara, it's time to go to bed."
I moved slowly seeing him. He helped me up taking me to the bedroom. He slid into bed beside me a few minutes later and I snuggled against him.
The next day, Grissom walked out to the living room dressed for work. I came out in pajamas walking past him. He pulled me back looking me over.
"Sara, I might regret this, but you can come back to work. Russell wants you to be on light duty until he is convinced you're ready."
I nodded excited. I ran back into the bedroom getting ready. Grissom drove us to the lab where Russell was waiting at the front desk.
"Welcome back!" He said, shaking my hand.
"I need to go to a meeting. She is all yours." Grissom said
He leaned over to talk into my ear.
"Talk to people."
I nodded looking at him as he walked away.
"You can help me today." Russell said "How are you doing?"
"Fine." I said
He smiled looking at me.
"Good."
I followed him down the hallway to the garage. Inside the room he had a black car that had been crashed from the side.
"I need you to check the trunk." He said "I am looking for hair fibers and blood."
I nodded grabbing some gray coveralls and gloves. I opened the trunk looking into the empty trunk. I leaned down shining a flashlight down on the maroon colored carpet lining. I found one light colored hair that I put in a small manila envelope.
Nick came in talking to Russell about something. He walked over happy to see me.
"Hey, stranger!" He said
"Hey." I said, looking at him.
"So, how are you?"
"Good."
"The team was worried about you. I can't wait to tell them that your fine." He said
I smiled looking over seeing Russell walk over.
"Nick, we need to work."
"See you at break." He said, before leaving.
I watched him go then I went back to the trunk.
At break, the team decided to go to a diner up the road. I went along listening to Greg's adventures while I was gone. Catherine sat next to me putting her hand over mine in my lap smiling at me. I smiled back then I looked at the menu. After we ordered I was ambushed with questions. Catherine could see I was overwhelmed.
"Give her space right now." She said
They all shut up as I sighed sitting back in the booth. I was grateful that Catherine was beside me.
The rest of the time was better as they started talking amongst themselves about a big boxing match coming up. I ate slowly listening.
At the end we all walked outside.
"I can't work with a full belly." Greg said
"Yes, you can." Russell said, watching Greg groan rubbing his stomach.
"You ate to much." Catherine said
"It's everyone's fault putting their food on my plate." He said
"You could have said no." Warrick said, stepping off the curb to the vehicle.
"I could have, but I didn't." Greg said, following.
"See you at the lab." Catherine said, following Greg.
Russell waved then he looked at Nick and I beside him.
"Ready to go?" He asked
"Let's hit the road!" Nick said, walking past us to the Tahoe.
I followed Russell just as a car loudly backfired. I panicked dropping to the curb holding my head shaking.
I closed my eyes hearing them walk over kneeling down.
"It was just a car, Sara." Russell said
I opened my eyes looking at him on one side and Nick at the other.
"It's okay." Nick said
They slowly stood me up taking me to the vehicle. As Russell drove I sat in the back with my head against the glass still shaking. We got to the lab and Nick jumped out going inside. Russell came around the Tahoe opening the door allowing me out. He closed it facing me.
"Sara, are you okay?"
I nodded as he touched my arm.
"If you're not, that is okay."
"I….hate loud noises."
"Me to." He said "We never talked about what happened that night. Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked at him thinking.
"Yes, I want to."
"Let's go to my office." He said
I was led inside to Grissom's old office. Russell shut the door behind us then he sat infront of this desk beside me as I sat down. I looked down at my hands as he just sat in silence watching me.
"I…am scared all the time." I said, not looking at him. "I hate it. Every time there is a loud noise I go back to the house."
"I was scared to. I have never been that close to an explosion." He said
"When will it end?" I asked, looking at him.
"Sara, these things take time. You may never fully recover from this." He said "When the explosions were about to happen what was going through your mind?"
I looked at him then at his desk.
"I was thinking about Grissom. What it was going to feel like to be blown up. I thought about dad."
"That is perfectly normal." He said
"I don't want to die, but I know it is going happen one way or another." I said
He nodded as I looked at him.
"I waited for Grissom to wake up for years. If I died tomorrow what was the point?"
"Sara, no one knows when they are going to die. Until that day comes we live our lives the best that we can."
Tears went down my cheeks. I sniffed wiping the tears from my face. Russell reached over touching my hands. It was then the walls crumbled and I started to cry harder. Russell moved his chair closer putting his arms around me. I welcomed his embrace.
"You will overcome this." He said
I nodded against his chest.
Grissom found me at the front desk after shift looking pale with red eyes.
"You okay?" He asked, concerned.
"Yes." I said
"Were you crying?"
"No." I said
He gave me a confused look before leading me outside. I got into the car as he did. I looked at him as he sat back in the seat looking at me.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No, I am tired." I said
"Sara?"
"Can we go home?" I asked, looking down at my legs.
"Why have you been crying?"
I didn't answer.
"Do you need more time to recover?"
"No."
I looked at him again.
"Sara, talk to me."
"Russell and I talked about the explosion." I said
"That made you cry?"
"Yes."
"You and I never talked about it." He said "Do you want to?"
"Do you love me?" I asked
He searched my eyes.
"Of course, I do."
I reached over touching his hand.
"Grissom, if anything happens to me I want you to know that I have never been happier these last two years." I said "I love you so much."
He saw tears come down my face. I sniffed trying to control myself. Grissom stayed silent looking at me. I moved back into my seat putting my hand over my mouth as I cried gently. Grissom looked at the steering wheel. I heard his car door open and shut. I looked over then I looked out watching as he came around to myside opening my door. He held out his hand and I took it allowing him to pull me out. He closed the door hugging me.
His lips went to my head as he sighed. Russell came out seeing us standing between cars. He walked over concerned.
"Everything okay?" He asked
Grissom nodded watching him nod then walk away.
"Let's go home and have some take out." Grissom said
I nodded as he opened the car door again. We drove in silence except for my sniffing. Grissom stopped at a local Italian restaurant that we sometimes ordered from then we went home. He and I ate in the living room watching a movie. I groaned lying back full. Grissom put his plate on the coffee table next to mine taking a breath.
"You hardly touched your salad." He said
"I can't take another bite." I said
"You eat like a bird these days." He said
"Isn't that a turn on for men?"
"For some. It can be a relief knowing that a date won't order lobster."
I shook my head.
"However, for an already thin person it does cause concern." He said
"I'm fine." I said
"I could feel your ribs earlier." He said
I sighed looking at the TV.
"I had a meal at the diner earlier."
"Catherine said you didn't eat much there either."
I looked at him as he watched the movie.
"You sent her to babysit me?"
"No, I just asked her how you are?" He said
I sat up facing him.
"More like spy on me." I said
"You are being ridiculous." He said, looking at me.
"Admit it."
"No, I am not this sneaky person you think I am."
"Yes, you are. Just admit it." I said
He gave me a look as I moved my hand up his shirt.
"I have nothing to admit." He said
"What about the time you put your evidence at the top of Greg's list ahead of Catherine's?"
"I never did that." Grissom said
"Yes, you did. Greg told me about it. Catherine is still annoyed with you."
"If I did I don't remember it." He said
I moved closer kissing him. He didn't move as he kissed me. His lips were soft and warm with a faint flavor of sauce. I moved closer heating up the kiss. His hands went to my cheeks. I let him take control. He moved back needing air as I did.
"Let's go to bed." He said
I nodded getting up pulling him to the bedroom. I woke up later seeing it was still dark out. Grissom spooned my body keeping me warm. I moved, and he put his arm around my waist.
"Where are you going?" He asked
"Bathroom." I said, quietly.
He moved allowing me to get up. I walked to the bathroom going in closing the door. I turned on the light looking at my self in the mirror. I opened the medicine cabinet seeing the various pills that Grissom and I had gotten for various reasons. I picked up one brown bottle that was for Grissom prescribed to him for pain. I opened the bottle looking in seeing blue pills. I took two out then put the bottle back in the cabinet. As I closed the door Grissom opened the door winching at the light before blinking seeing me. I put my hand behind me hiding the pills.
"You scared me!" I said
"What are you doing?" He asked
"I was just coming." I said
"You okay?" He asked
"Yes." I said "Can I be alone a moment?"
He looked at me and I hoped he would just go back to bed.
"Okay." He said, leaving shutting the door. I sighed lifting my hand up looking at the pills.
Grissom lifted his head from the pillow seeing me walking back to the bed. I got in lying on my side. He moved closer to me putting his arm over my waist.
I looked at the wall thinking about things. The next day I walked out of the bedroom sliding two more pills in my pants pocket. Grissom drank from his to go mug waiting for me at the front door.
At break I walked over to the water fountain looking around before drinking and taking the first pill. I took the second standing as I wiped my mouth with my hand seeing Brass standing down the hallway looking straight at me. I backed up looking at him then I walked the opposite direction. The pills gave me a buzz before long and the shift just flew by.
Grissom walked to his office when I came over.
"Grissom, I need to go see my doctor tomorrow morning." I said
"Your doctor?" He asked, opening the door for me. I went inside watching him close the door. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just a check up." I said
He put his things on the desk then he faced me.
"Do you want me to come?"
"No, I'll be fine."
He nodded looking at me.
"Okay."
I nodded walking to the door.
"I'll see you later."
He nodded silently. I walked out thinking that was to easy. Grissom had a late meeting. I walked to the station seeing dad closing his office door for the night. He saw me coming.
"Hey honey."
"Dad, will you do me a favor?"
"If I can."
"Please don't tell Grissom about what you saw earlier."
"Do you mean the pills I saw you take?"
"Yes."
"They were Tylenol, weren't they?"
"No, just some pain pills."
"What kind of pain?"
I looked at him.
"Dad, please?"
He sighed fidgeting on his feet.
"Sara, what is going on?"
"Nothing, I am fine."
He flexed his jaw looking at me.
"Your hurting so what do you do? Take pills."
"Dad, it's not like that!" I said
"Your talking to me, all right." He said "I am the man that drank half my life away because I was in pain. Now your doing to same thing!"
I looked down as he watched me.
"Sara, I love you. I care about your wellbeing. If you are abusing your health with pills I will try to stop you in any way I can."
I looked at him seeing he was telling the truth.
"I know Grissom and Russell would do the same."
"I just need something to stop the flashbacks of the explosions."
"No, it will ruin your life."
He touched my arm worried.
"I should go." I said
"Sara?" He said, in a warning tone.
I hugged him as he hugged me back. We let each other go and I walked away feeling his eyes on me. Grissom met me at the front desk putting his hand on my back as we walked out. I froze hearing his phone make a sound.
"Who is it?" I asked
He looked at a text. I swallowed looking out at the traffic then I looked at him. He looked confused a moment then he looked at me.
"Ready?"
"Who was it?" I asked
"Jim, he wanted to talk to me."
"Oh." I said, walking quickly to the car.
He got in as I looked at him.
"What about?"
"I don't know." He said
He dialed his number putting his phone to his ear.
"Jim, it's Gil." He said, sitting back looking ahead.
I fidgeted looking at him.
He glanced at me as he listened.
"I can ask her." He said "Sara, do you want to eat at the diner?"
"With dad?"
Grissom nodded.
"Okay."
Grissom looked at me as he answered. I looked down seeing my hands shake. We arrived at the diner seeing Brass's car parked outside. I walked in seeing him in a booth. Grissom and I sat across from him ordering drinks and food. I sat back seeing dad looking at me worried.
I looked at Grissom then back at dad. He started to talk to Grissom about fishing. The food came and I just picked at mine.
"Sara has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. What time is it?" Grissom asked
I looked at him.
"About ten."
"Why are you going?" Dad asked, before taking a bite of food.
"A checkup." I said
He looked at me as I looked away.
"Your fine."
I looked at him.
"Yes, but I am due for a visit."
Grissom looked at us.
"What is going on?" Grissom asked
I looked at Grissom a moment.
"Nothing."
"Jim?" Grissom said, looking at him.
I pleaded with dad with my eyes. He looked at me then sighed and I knew this was it. As he talked to Grissom I tried to go somewhere else. It wasn't until I heard Grissom calling my name a moment later that I realized it had worked. I blinked looking at him.
He looked very worried about me as did dad.
"We need to talk." He said
I looked at my food wishing I was somewhere else.
"Sara?"
I slowly moved looking at Grissom.
"What pills were you taking?"
"I was….taking the pills you got for your surgery."
"Those pills are not for use unless the doctor prescribed them for you!"
"I am not a child!" I yelled, making people sitting around look at us.
I climbed out of the seat glaring at them.
"Don't you ever talk to me like that again, Gil Grissom!"
Both men watched me run out of the diner. I hailed a cab riding home. I went to the spare room locking the door. I went to sleep hearing the door knob being turned and then left alone. I moved closing my eyes. I canceled my doctor's appointment before driving to work alone. Russell and I worked on his case in the lab as Brass knocked on the door.
"Hey Jim." Russell said
"Hey, can I borrow Sara a moment?" He asked
"Yes, if she wants to go." Russell said, looking at me.
I threw my gloves away following him to a quiet corner of the building. He lifted his hand moving my hair back off my right cheek as I looked down.
"I am sorry that I made you mad, but I am not sorry I did it." He said "Are we okay?"
"I don't know."
"I want to be okay. Having two daughters not talk to me breaks my heart."
He watched me look at him in silence then I hugged him putting my head on his shoulder. He hugged me back.
Grissom walked over seeing us. Brass looked at him as I moved turning seeing him. Brass pushed me forwards.
"I suppose you want to yell at me again." I said
He flexed his jaw as I looked down.
"In my office." He said
I sighed walking as he looked at Brass then followed. Grissom opened his door and I walked in still keeping my head down. He shut the door putting his arms over his chest frowning.
"I'm sorry." I said
When he didn't speak I looked at him.
"That's makes two of us." He said "Sara, I realize that you have had a lot of traumatic events in your life and that you have an addictive personality. You need something to cover up the pain. This isn't about the explosion. This is about your childhood and your mom."
"I know." I said
"From now on I am watching you like a hawk. If you drink or take pills I will know and we will have words."
I looked down as he stepped closer.
"Doctor Sherman told me that she would like to talk to you about these bad things in your life and you will go."
"Okay."
"I don't want you to avoid me. I am your husband. We need to talk more."
I nodded silently.
"You can go back to Russell." He said
I walked to the door feeling him stand behind me. His hands went to my arms.
"Let me in." He said
"You are in." I said
"There is a part of you that is locked behind a door."
I laid my head back against his shoulder.
"You don't trust me." He said
"I have to protect myself. I said
"Against me?"
I turned and looked at him.
"I am not trying to hide anything from you. You are my husband."
"When you want to let me know."
I searched his eyes then I kissed him. He moved back reaching behind me to open the door. I walked out as he closed it again.
After getting home that night I decided to talk to him. He yawned as he closed and locked the front door.
"I think I am going to skip eating and go right to bed." He said
"I thought we could talk."
He looked at me then he motioned to the living room. We sat on the couch and I moved facing him taking his hand.
"Your trembling." He said
"Um…..I want to tell you something that I never talked about before."
"Okay."
I took a deep breath.
"When I was taken to the foster home the ladies husband molested me."
"He did?"
"Yes, everyday for nine months."
"Sara, I am sorry." He said, rubbing my hand.
"I don't trust men. After I left that house I was scared of men."
"That is understandable."
"When he….touched me. I fantasized that I was in another world. A world where my mom and dad were happy in a house in the country."
"Did he….rape you?" Grissom asked
I shook my head.
"He tried once, but his wife came home."
"You never said anything?"
"He told me that he would strangle me."
"How old were you?"
"Ten."
"You kept this hidden till now?"
"It was easy after a while. I pretended it was a dream and didn't happen."
"There is a lot of pain store up when that happens. You can't keep that bottled up."
He searched my eyes.
"I am proud of you for telling me." He said
I nodded taking a deep breath.
"Can we go to bed?"
"Yes."
A light feeling came over me as I told him that. My sleep was nightmare free and when I woke up the next day I felt refreshed.
Doctor Sherman met up with me at the lab at break. We talked in the conference room eating salads.
After shift everyone was leaving when Russell ran out of the building calling us back.
"What's wrong?" Nick asked
"I need you all to suit up. A shooting has happened in the mayor's house. Multiple bodies." He said, a little out of breath "Sara, you need to suit up to. I need everyone."
I nodded going back to the locker room. Grissom was outside with Russell as we all came back. I gave him a peck on the cheek then I ran to the Tahoe.
Russell drove us to the dark mansion that sat on a hill with a windy road. Lights from the cop cars lit up the area. Neighbors from the houses nearby stood behind a yellow tape as some cops guarded it.
We all got out carrying our cases going to the house. Brass met us at the door.
"I counted sixteen bodies inside. The mayor was having a dinner party." He said
"Was?" Russell asked
"He's dead."
Russell turned to all of us.
"Nick, Warrick, and Greg. I need you inside. Sara and I will take the perimeter."
"You beat us here." Catherine called, walking up the sidewalk with her team following.
"Sixteen dead insides. Sara and I are going to walk out here." Russell said, ignoring her.
"All downstairs?" She asked, looking at Brass.
"Yes." He said
Catherine nodded turning to her team talking.
The guys went inside as Russell and I walked slowly through the landscaped lawn. I bent down looking at a butt of a cigarette.
"Someone smokes." I said, picking it up with tweezers. Russell shined his light at me as I bagged it.
"Good find." He said
I stood walking again. Russell looked in some bushes next to the house as I walked on. I stopped seeing something in the flower bed by some trees. I walked over seeing it was a gun.
"Gun!" I shouted
Russell ran over seeing it.
"It can't be this easy." He said "Something doesn't feel right."
I picked the gun up smelling it.
"It's been fired."
He watched me bag it then he looked over to the right.
"What's wrong?" I asked
He looked at me.
"I think this is a trap."
"Trap?" I asked
"Do you remember when we found the knife just laying on the bushes on the last case?"
I swallowed looking around.
"Someone is watching us." He said, quietly.
"The killer?" I asked
"Could be." He said, getting his phone out dialing.
I shined my light around.
"Brass, it's Russell." He said, calmly "Will you come here. We are at the side of the house."
He hung up looking around.
"This place could be rigged to explode. The cigarette and the gun were planted to lure us back here." He said
"You think he wants us dead?" I asked
"I believe we could be his target."
He looked over seeing Brass walk over.
"Jim, I think this is a trap." Russell said "We just found a gun in the flower bed."
"Okay." Brass said
"Someone is watching us."
Brass looked around.
"I think we need to bomb squad before we move anywhere else." Russell said
"I'll get them." Brass said, getting his phone out. He walked back to the front.
"Where do you think it is?" I asked
Russell shined his light down in the grass moving it along the rock path leading to the back patio.
"I see a string stretching across the walkway." He said, kneeling down. I knelt down and saw the line a few inches away. Russell stood looking at me.
"I would say the house is rigged from out here." He said "Give me the camera."
I handed him the camera and he took pictures of the line. He motioned me to follow him and we went to the front of the house. He ran inside telling everyone to leave.
The bomb squad came walking to the back. As we waited one of the men came down holding a camera.
"This is a live feed somewhere. Someone is watching." He said, handing it to Russell.
"Thank you." Russell said "Greg, take this back to the lab."
"You got it." Greg said, taking it.
Suddenly an explosion went off from the side of the house. Everyone jumped, and some screamed at the sound. I ran to the vehicles crouching down holding myself. Another made everything shake. I shook wishing it would end.
Someone crouched down beside me rubbing my back. They seemed to go on forever. I found myself grabbing at the person trying crawl inside them.
The explosions went quiet as I kept a firm grip on the person.
"It's over. It's all over." Brass said
He rubbed my back listening to the sounds around us. Russell found us kneeling down.
"Sara, are you okay?"
I lifted my head looking at him.
"You okay?" He asked, again.
I slowly nodded. Brass helped me to stand.
"They are going over the house now." Russell said "Sara, why don't you relax and rest in the Tahoe?"
I nodded not wanting to work. His phone went off as he walked away. Brass got the keys off Catherine unlocking the vehicle. I climbed into the back seat lying down. He shut the door locking it then I was alone.
I shook for a while listening to what was happening outside.
Russell walked over to the Tahoe opening the back door an three hours later seeing I was sleeping on my side. He closed the door gently seeing Brass walk over.
"She's sleeping." He said
Brass nodded.
"I am about to leave. I can take Sara back."
"We have three hours before day light. The team are almost done. Taking her back with you would be a good idea."
Brass opened the back door touching my shoe.
"Sara?"
I moved looking over at Brass.
"I am taking you back to the lab."
He helped me out then we went to his car. I looked outside as he drove. I sat back in the seat leaning my head back looking at him. He glanced at me before reaching over taking my hand. I smiled a little looking back at the window. He pulled into a parking space outside our house. He looked at me as I looked at the house.
"Gil's probably waiting for you." He said
"He is sleeping." I said
Brass leaned over kissing my head before getting out. I climbed the stairs slowly unlocking the front door. I closed the door locking it. I walked quietly to the bedroom finding him sitting up reading in bed.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked
"I was waiting for you." He said "Russell called me and told me about the scene."
"It was nothing." I said, walking past the bed to the closet taking my clothes off.
He stood walking over.
"Just a few minutes of terror." I said
He turned me around facing him. I swallowed shaking as he pulled me against him.
"Just stop." He said
I took a shuddering breath. He made me lift my head kissing me. I kissed him moving back looking at him. He leaned in again kissing me. I let myself go limp as he picked me up taking me to the bed.
I jumped awake as Grissom walked into the bedroom talking on his phone. He looked at me still in bed. I sat up watching him get something off the black dresser against the wall on his side. He looked at a folded paper then he turned looking at me motioning to his watch before walking out. I sighed getting out of bed walking out to the kitchen. Grissom walked in seeing me drinking orange juice from the carton. He walked over taking the carton from me. I frowned at him as he set the carton on the counter giving me a look.
"That sounds like a good decision. He needs a break." Grissom said, as he leaned back against the counter.
I walked over reaching past him for the orange juice. He took it stretching his arm out so I could not reach it.
"I can sign the paper when I get to work." He said
I hit him on the side trying to get the carton again. He watched me listening.
"Come see me when I get in." He said "Bye."
"I want some juice!" I said
"You can have some in a glass." He said
"Give it to me." I said
He handed me the carton. I got a glass pouring some in a glass. He watched me drink it.
"You look tired." I said
"So do you." He said
"I am."
"Can you be ready in five minutes?"
"Yes." I said, putting down the glass and running out of the kitchen.
I got ready running out as Grissom opened the front door. I zipped past him as he shook his head going out shutting the door. Everyone got to work as soon as we arrived. I was put back on light duty which meant dusting for prints and sending evidence to be tested.
At one-point Russell dragged me to his office to talk. I watched him leave the door open as he walked around his desk opening a manila folder on his desk before sitting down.
"Have a seat." He said
I sat down in a chair looking at him.
"Sara, I know what your capable of, but I am not convinced that you are one hundred percent yet. I think you need to be light duty a little bit longer."
"Is this because of my performance at the scene? I am ready to go now." I said
"I am not convinced." He said, sitting back in his seat "You are still rattled when you hear loud noises and it may cause you to mess up. I can't allow that to happen. You are one of the best employees I have."
"How long?" I asked
"A month."
I looked at him in shock.
"A month?!"
"Yes."
I made a sound standing.
"Do you know what a month of just staying in the lab will do to me?" I asked
"You will be fine. We are starting the heavy case season. The days will just fly by."
"Russell, I…."
"Sara, this is my decision. It's done." He said
I walked out stopping still in shock. A month seemed like a prison sentence. I went back to work watching the others talk and work on the mayor case. At break I went to the vending machine in the hallway across from the breakroom. I put money in deciding when Greg appeared punching a number. Honey pretzels fell as I turned glaring at Greg who ran around the corner laughing. I hated pretzels trying to find some more money. Sighing, I got the bag looking at them.
"What's wrong?" Catherine asked, as she walked by.
"My life." I said
"Bad shift?" She asked
I nodded looking at her.
"Cheer up, everything will get better." She said, before walking away.
I got out my phone texting Grissom.
Do you have any change? Sara
Throwing the bag away in the breakroom garbage I heard my phone ding.
Come to my office. Grissom
I walked to his office finding the door open. When I walked in I saw him at his desk working.
"You wanted change?" He asked
"Yeah, I am hungry." I said, walked over to his desk.
"I have something better than vending machine snacks." He said, reaching down beside him lifting a brown paper bag.
"What is that?" I asked
"I stopped and got us some salads."
I sat down in a chair as he cleaned his desk off taking out two salads from the bag. He got us drinks watching as I opened my container eating as if I had not eaten in a long time.
"You must be hungry."
"Mmhmm." I answered
He chewed at his usual speed looking at me.
"So, how is the case going?" He asked
I stopped eating looking at him.
"It's fine. Russell told me he is keeping putting me on light duty for a month."
"Really?"
"Yes, I am miserable." I said
"A moth will fly by."
"That's what he said." I said
"He's right." Grissom said
I looked at him.
"You all act the same and say the same things."
"We are all cut from the same tree." He said
I ate slowly as he watched me.
"Sara, I support his decision. I know this is hard for you, but by the time the month is over you will be a much healthier person."
I looked at him as he took a bite looking at me.