Pink – Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Taylor had her eyes closed, listening. Speaker of the House Berkley was giving his closing statements, arguing against granting citizenship to deviants when no one had proven definitively that they were a sentient form of life. As she knew he would. On one side of her was Connor, the other, Markus.
She supposed she shouldn't have her eyes closed, but she was centering herself, preparing for the moment to come. Before auditions she used to put in earplugs, close her eyes, and block out everything in an attempt to calm her nerves. In her head, she would tell herself that an hour from now, this would all be over and in the past. Just get through it.
Vice President Mills had delivered a very pragmatic call for unity, echoing the President's sentiments that regarded the country's need to stand together and the will of the people. She supposed it made sense, he was Warren's chosen running mate after all.
"Taylor Kolbeck, ambassador for the android uprising." Taylor felt the muscles in her face twitch and struggled to smooth her features. Opened her eyes. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, but she ignored it and the cameras that were focusing on her face.
Markus had given her, in her opinion, a rather noncommittal approval when she told him her plan for the closing statement. He really had entrusted this whole thing to her, and when she expressed any doubt, he told her that she knew how to handle humans better than any of them.
She supposed it was true.
"I've spent the past week trying to convince the people in this room that deviants are, in fact, people. I don't think that there is anything else I can personally say to that effect." She raised her blue eyes to look directly at Speaker Berkley. Focusing on one person made it easier to speak. She used to do that in her auditions, too. He was looking back at her, his lips pinched into a frown.
"I've met many deviants over the past eight months, learned a lot of different stories. But some stick with you more than others. Instead of going over the same points, rehashing everything I've already said, I'm going to leave you with one of those stories."
Taylor moved her hands, folded over the desk in front of her and the notebook she already had opened to the page she needed. Her eyes stared at the words for a few seconds, the perfect scrawl of CyberLife sans across the pages. In just a few minutes, this would be over. She took a deep breath.
"Cary was born blind. She had lived her whole life in darkness, under the watchful eyes of her parents. At the age of 24, she decided that she wanted to live on her own. After many fights and arguments, her parents finally agreed, on one condition. They purchased me, a PL600 model android, to help care for Cary in her new home.
"Everything should have been simple. Cary was accustomed to being blind, she just needed help adjusting to her new environment. She was very averse to my help, no matter how difficult things became for her.
"It was in my programming to help her, and so I was forced to work around her stubbornness. I had the advantage because she couldn't see me. I didn't realize at first that my behavior had started to deviate from my programming, coming up with ways to outsmart her into accepting my help. Because she didn't know anything about androids, she didn't know either.
"It happened slowly, but I realized it all at once. I worried for Cary all the time, and I was afraid that she would figure out that I was feeling things. Deviancy had become a very talked about topic on the news and Cary followed the stories every night, but she never asked me about it.
"The more emotions that I experienced, the more Cary seemed to tolerate my presence. Or maybe it was just time. It's hard to figure out what you're feeling sometimes, let alone anyone else.
"I thought I could carry on with my secret indefinitely. No matter how much I had come to care for Cary, I knew I could never say anything. But humans have a saying: all good things must end.
"Cary liked to take walks. Every night she wanted to take a few laps around the park close to her home. She lived in an upscale neighborhood, but she was still a young woman alone in a big city with just an android for company. While Cary couldn't see it for herself, she was quite pretty.
"Anyone can work out what happened next. One evening we were out for our walk and two men approached, started harassing her. She told them to leave her alone, and when they didn't, I warned them that I would call the police.
"They didn't like an android telling them what to do. They pushed me down, started hitting me. I think when Cary started to scream and people started to notice them, they got spooked. They ran off, but by then I had been severely damaged.
"Cary was panicked. She wanted to take me to the nearest CyberLife store for repairs, but I knew that if she did, CyberLife would destroy me. I told her the truth. I was deviant. There was no time to waste coming up with a lie. She was quiet for just a moment, and then she said she knew where we could go.
Taylor paused to take a breath. Her hands were shaking where she had them resting on the desk. She was about to move them, tuck them into her lap and out of sight, when Connor reached over and slid his fingers through hers.
She glanced at him, surprised. His deep brown eyes were focused on her face, but his expression was carefully blank. They had been vigilant about appearing professional before now. He had never touched her while they were in this room as co-ambassadors. For the briefest moment, she worried what might happen.
But his touch had grounded her. She could focus again. And she found she didn't care, if people started to talk. If people knew. After today, her role as ambassador was done. She took one more deep breath, and the she continued.
"I don't know how long it took us to make it to the taxi, or how long the drive was. Many of my systems were malfunctioning. I was losing thirium. Humans might compare the experience to losing consciousness. Errors flashed before my eyes, making it hard to focus. I knew I was teetering close to a shutdown counter.
"We managed to make it to whatever destination Cary had in mind, some house, some person who would help us, but my thirium levels had reached critical levels. We had to wait on someone else to arrive, another android who could fix me. I knew there was no time. My countdown had already started.
"I reached for Cary's hand. She looked pale, and frightened. I tried to tell her that it would be fine, but my voice was all static. I smeared blue blood along her arm on accident. She started to cry, and I couldn't speak, couldn't say anything, couldn't tell her what I felt.
"The android arrived with less than a minute to spare on my shutdown timer. He took one look at me and knew there was nothing to be done. Except for one thing. I couldn't tell Cary how I felt, but he could. So I grabbed his arm and I interfaced with him. I gave him every memory of Cary that I had, every rogue deviant thought, so he would understand. So he would know what to say.
"I hope that it was enough. I hope that Cary is happy."
The anteroom was quiet. Taylor had headed straight back to it once the hearing ended, not waiting for Frank or David to escort her out, not even turning to see if Connor was following her. She just had to get out of the room before her composure started to crumble away.
Now though, she was sitting on the arm of one of the accent chairs and the roiling anxiety doing laps inside her skull would not manifest itself. Tilted slightly forward, her forearms resting on her thighs, she stared at her open palms waiting for something to happen.
The door clicked softly. She looked up to find that Connor had caught up to her at last. He had tucked her notebooks into his arm, and as he looked her over his LED slid from amber back to its cool blue. In a couple of his long strides, he crossed the room to her side, placing the notebooks down on a table.
"Are you alright?" He asked gently, reaching to touch her arm. He didn't qualify it with the usual information about her stress level or vital signs. He had figured out during their time in Washington that pointing out these facts only increased her stress more, so he'd learned to curb the habit. Unless she tried to deny it.
Taylor just made a hum of acknowledgment, reaching back for him. It was all the encouragement he needed to step closer and wrap his arms around her. A shuddering breath rocked her chest. She curled her fingers into the lapels of his jacket, pressing her forehead into his shoulder, stilling.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Connor's voice was soft, muffled into the top of her hair. "I find that talking can be very therapeutic."
Her lips twitched in an attempt to smile, but the persistent vein of numbness curling through her prevented it. She felt oddly empty, a canister poured out with just one drop left swirling around the bottom.
"You're learning a lot about emotions, huh?" She said instead, hoping to distract both him and herself. Maybe she would get lucky for once and Connor would start talking about something else.
The door clicked again, louder this time. Taylor lifted her head, found Markus standing just inside the room. His two-tone gaze was shifting between them, but his expression was neutral. After a beat of silence, he said, "I came to check on you."
Connor released her, but not entirely. He kept one arm wrapped around the middle of her back, his fingers tucked against her waist. She found she didn't mind that either, his lingering touch, how he always knew when she needed him the most.
"I'm alright." Markus's eyes squinted slightly at the lie. He wasn't Connor, however, and he didn't call her out. Instead he took another step toward her. Taylor let her hands fall back into her lap, palms facing upward. Then she found herself glancing down at her palms, imagining them coated in thirium. She tucked them between her knees instead.
"That story that you told," He began, tracking her movements with his eyes before meeting her gaze. She wondered if he'd figured out her anxiety tell like Connor had.
"His name was Brandon." She said before he could voice the question. "I knew Cary's parents. Her dad was an actor. She knew that I had been on the news talking about deviants, so she brought Brandon to my house."
Taylor lowered her head again, remembering. The blue blood everywhere, Cary's panicked face, the oddly quiet android practically in pieces on her kitchen floor.
"I called Raj, but it was too late." She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. She thought that she had moved past this, somewhat, but reliving it hadn't been easy. "He died and there was nothing I could do."
Silence settled over them. Her hands shifted, but she kept them curled tightly in between her knees. She felt Connor's grip tighten on her waist, but this time it was less comforting. Finally, Markus said, "It doesn't sound like there was anything you could have done."
A smile touched her face then, empty, mirthless. She glanced up at Markus and found him frowning at her. "The story does make it seem that way. But Brandon didn't shut down because he suffered damage to any of his essential biocomponents. He lost too much thirium, his systems started to shut down one by one, shunting supply to his main processors. By the time Raj made it there, it was just too late to reverse the process."
"Taylor—" Markus tried to interrupt her, but it was too late for that now.
"If I would have just had some thirium when they showed up on my doorstep, Brandon might have lived. I think about that all the time." Her shoulders hunched forward, but she didn't look away. "I made Raj teach me how to help the next android who would show up at my house. I started keeping thirium and spare biocomponents there just in case."
Markus had pressed his lips into a flat line. He let out a small huff of a breath through his nose, surely an outward display of some emotion since he didn't actually need to breathe.
"You asked me why I was doing this." Taylor lifted one of her hands to touch Connor's fingers. They had tightened almost painfully against her side, but they relaxed slightly when she slid her own hand over his.
"I couldn't answer you. I know you wanted me to tell you something noble or inspired." In a quieter voice, she said, "I'm sorry that I can't be that for you. You'll find that humans usually aren't."
Markus continued to watch her until he figured that she wasn't going to say anything else. Then he came closer. "You are that to me. I will keep telling you until you tire of it. Until you believe it." He paused, his eyes flickering over the notebooks that Connor had placed on the table. "Will you tell me the stories?"
"You can take them."
"No." Her eyebrows jumped upwards. Markus met her eyes again, his expression warm. She found herself being pulled into those mismatched eyes, just like always. "Will you tell them to me?"
She was silent for a minute. They considered each other. She could still feel Connor's hand on her side, the warmth of his fingers under hers. Still stuck in this strange circle. "If you want me to."
"Thank you." There was an extra weight behind his words, like he was thanking her for more than just saying yes to his request. He hesitated, and this time he glanced towards Connor for such a brief second she might have imagined it. "I'm sorry for sending you here alone. I had no idea what you would be up against."
"There's no way you could have." She said, solicitous, though her eyebrows had drawn together in confusion. Perhaps she had been the subject of conversation in at least one of Markus and Connor's private talks. Fighting the urge to turn her head and look at his face, knowing it would be too obvious, instead she said objectively, "As I recall, you both bullied me into accepting this job."
Markus pursed his lips, but it was easy to tell he was trying to hold in a laugh at her not so subtle calling out of Connor. Before anything else could be said, he inclined his head. "I should go before I keep North waiting any longer. I will hear about it later."
"See you later, Markus." Taylor watched him go, the door closing behind him, before she finally lowered her hand from where it was touching Connor's. She stood, turning to face him, cupping his face in her hands. He had averted his eyes, knowing she was onto him.
"For future reference," she began, trying not to giggle. He must have heard the laughter in her voice because he turned his brown eyes back to her, his brow furrowing. "I don't want you to argue with Markus on my behalf. As flattering and adorable as that is."
"I'm sorry," he said, though he didn't look it in the least. He was scanning her face again. "You never answered my question."
Was she alright? For a moment, she debated teasing him some more, but the earnest look on his face was filling her with guilt. "I'm better now. Even better if we can get out of here."
"Of course."