Chapter 8: 'I Am A Murderer'

Moving quickly, he wrapped white cloth bandage around Elena's hand. He had very firmly tucked her into bed. Something wasn't adding up in his head. Elena could definitely notice. He had not made any conversation with her after their moment. She was holding on to him like he was her lifeline. He should be happy that she was trusting him, right? Because that's what he wanted but he wasn't.

She tried to get him to talk but quickly found out it wasn't going to happen. Was it some kind of revenge? She thought. He was still holding her hand sitting against the headboard. Sleep was miles away from his eyes. Elena on the other hand was struggling to be awake to see him, or wait for him to talk. He had given her a pill, at that time she thought it was a painkiller but it was a sedative maybe because she was literally battling dizziness.

"Damon-," she called in her sleep drowned voice.

He snapped out of whatever he was thinking and looked over, "You still up?"

"Aha. What's going on?" she asked anxiously, "In your head? Why won't you talk to me?"

"Nothing I am just; I don't know what to do. I have to figure out this thing that's trying to hurt you." He raked a hand in his head. "Aren't you scared?" he asked almost above a whisper.

She shook her head, "Only in the moment, after I saw you I just knew nothings going to harm me." Her hand traced up his arm cupping the side of his face. She arched herself up almost shifting on top of him. He searched her face for uncertainty but there wasn't one. It seemed like she wanted him so much. She almost leaned in to kiss him when he slightly moved back, "Um. No, Elena."

"What?" She was offended. Did he not want her?

"Elena, this is bipolar behavior, I think it's best we figure out what everything is before we-,"

She interrupted, "I know what I want."

"And I know what you need." he said politely but his voice held command, "Believe me, I want you more than anything I've ever wanted anyone but I am not going to risk it."

"Are you scared of me?" She looked up, her eyes shining with tears.

He cupped her face, "Oh no, I am not, I am scared for you – what if this freaked you out to run away from me and you harm yourself in the process, or God forbid, someone else hurts you, I wouldn't be able to bear that."

He wrapped his arms around her so her back pressed against his chest, she could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. She rested her head against his shoulder, "I don't know what gets into me, I always want to trust you, Damon but I just get so paranoid in the moment. I say things I don't mean, I know they hurt you. This isn't bipolar. I know that I want to remember."

His cheek brushed against hers as he nodded, "I know, whatever you say during those moments don't hurt me, I know my Elena would never hurt me intentionally."

"Please tell me about us." Even though she was very tempted to sleep right now she still wanted to know.

"We were happy." He said after a long sigh, "Very happy. I know what you remember of us suggests otherwise but they are just a few moments. We'd take out time for each other, go places, make plans. Anywhere I was you'd naturally be there, on my side. You don't know how being forgotten feels like, how you invest so much of yourself only to be washed away in a second." He looked at her, her eyes were apologetic, "Trust me if I could, I'd make myself remember every second of it." The grip of his arms tightened around her as she murmured, "If you think I'll not fall in love with you if I don't remember, you're so wrong." She let her forehead press against his. He lightly brushed his lips against hers, she gently cupped his face turning over to face him, he slightly parted, cupping her face, he had a grin on his face, "No, love. I know teenage Elena is crazy in love with me but I don't think it's right."

She rolled her eyes, "You're a dick."

He chuckled, "Oh, I am. I proved that just a little while ago. Don't tell me you don't remember the time I forgot your birthday."

She bit her on her inner cheek, "Do you want me to remember that?"

He shook his head and pressed another kiss to her lips, "That's the only silver lining to all this."

..

..

She nervously played with the bracelet on her wrist, waiting for her psychiatrist appointment, that's what she was told by the assistant. Damon was waiting right outside. He had already spoken with doctor Niklaus Connor before this and had told him about all the situation.

The last time she had seen him was when he was shaking that ladder, to make her fall. She shivered at the thought. She didn't remember ten years. Before she'd get paranoid thinking about that, the door to doctor's personal cabin slid to a side and her eyes almost widened as she saw Klaus, he looked older and much handsome.

Unlike Damon he didn't look fresh or lively. He looked like he had been doing a lot of work. Upon seeing her he smiled but of course, a very professional smile, "Mrs. Salvatore, Doctor Salvatore did tell me to expect you here today. We placed your appointment early. How are you?" He sat on the chair infront of her. His eyes pierced into her, but they didn't scare her, they looked warm, welcoming and nice. Like Damon's. Damn, she was thinking about him a lot.

She smiled back, "I am okay? How are you?"

He chuckled, "This is about you but thank you I am doing very good."

He wore reading glasses reading her case file, "Doctor told me you are frequently very paranoid, tell me what that's about?"

She sighed, "I don't know, I woke up ten years in the future, everything scares me, I don't want to disappoint anyone."

She looked down, he instantly found out she was talking about Damon.

"Mrs. Salvatore the first thing you need to accept is that you didn't wake up in the future, you forgot your past. Second thing is that your health comes first, if you feel unsafe and scared you don't have to care about disappointing anyone. You do know doctor understands."

He kept addressing Damon as doctor as if he and Damon hadn't been friends ever, as if their relation was more formal than ever. Maybe they were just professional acquaintances.

She nodded, "I know he does, but seeing him upset really makes me anxious."

"Hey, we are here to work on that." He gave a reassuring smile.

She nodded. He asked politely, "So tell me a little about this pre and post-accident panic attacks? Now from what I've heard you hallucinate that you are in danger. But I really want to hear your part of the story."

She bit on her lip, "I've had this since a very young age, the first time I had it, I was eight."

He nodded as if telling her to speak more, "What happened Elena, in between those years? How did you suddenly begin to think you're in danger?"

She blinked anxiously, she suddenly felt like she needed her husband right now, but he had brought her here with so much hopes. She didn't want to ruin this.

"I – I did… I-," she was stuttering. She tucked her hair behind her ear looking around.

Klaus narrowed his eyes, "It's okay Elena, no one is here . No one is going to hear this. This is between you and me. Trust me. Even if you tell me that you've committed a crime, it would be confidential." He urged her to speak.

She swallowed thick, "I -I uh. I,"

"Good, speak up." He said politely.

"I killed someone." Her voice was almost inaudible but he heard it.

His eyes widened a little but he pursed his lips, he blinked as if it was nothing, "Who?"

"Jeremy." She whispered. Her eyes were wide with fear, "My little brother." Tears started to form in the corner of her eyes, "I was so stupid thinking this wasn't going to catch up to me, but it did, he wants to kill me."

"but he is dead, how will he harm you if he is dead?"

"Because he's back, I hear him at night, he tells me he will kill me, he whispers to me, he tries to hurt me." She broke into sobs, "Damon tries to protect me, but if he found out that the girl he loves is a murderer, he will leave me and then Jeremy will finally get a chance to kill me." She covered her face in her hands.

Klaus got up and pulled out some tissues, he leaned down wiping her face, "That isn't going to happen Elena, please calm down."

She shook her head, "He-,"

"I assure you Elena, no one will hurt you, Doctor and his family will protect you, you do know how much they love you right?"

She nodded.

"Doctor has always kept you as his first priority. I know that he will get you through this. Elena what you see are strong hallucinations. Jeremy, your brother is dead, now you have kept this to you so long that the guilt is eating you. Remember Elena, the dead can't come to life, this is just your mind playing tricks on you. Who else knows that you are involved in this?"

She looked up at him lost, "My stepdad, doctor Grayson Gilbert and my mother."

"You told him?"

"Yes, the very moment. He was very angry at me. Later on he accepted me. He has always been so kind to me. Every day I miss him." Her voice broke at the end.

"Why don't you meet him then?"

"Damon says he hates us." She sobbed.

"What? That's ridiculous! Elena have you confronted him even once? You can't just rely on what your husband says. Doctor and Your father have professional grudges. You should really see if things are actually the way they are shown to you." He said calmly.

She never thought of it that way, "Damon and dad have professional grudges?"

He nodded, "They're always trying to outshine each other, they both are neurosurgeons, Doctor has filed many accusations of fraud against your father and your father even tried to get Doctor Salvatore's license cancelled."

She gulped down the new information wiping off her tears, "So I should call my parents?"

"Yes, it's just an advice."

"What about Stefan? He also warned me against it? He doesn't have any professional grudge."

"Well you know Little Salvatore, he has always been very much fond of his brother through out his life, his heart is in the right place though, he wouldn't want Damon to be upset."

"Even if it means I never get to see my parents?" She asked sadly. How could Stefan be so selfish? He knew how much she loved her family. How she always craved her parent's attention.

"I am not certain Mrs. Salvatore." He sighed

"Please call me Elena." She interrupted, she didn't know why but she was so angry at Damon, he never told that he had once attempted to harm her father.

"You are enraged at your husband I see." He read her very good.

"Yes I am, every day I find out something that makes me so unsure about him and then he does things to make me feel guilty about the way I felt, he calls me bipolar, I can see who the real bipolar is." she complained.

"Why do you question his sincerity for you? I've been a witness Elena, he might have problems about things but you can't deprive him off his credit. He is very much devoted to you, you see Elena the fluctuating feelings is because you don't know what you've been through these past ten years, it all comes down to memory loss." He said sitting back on his site, "I did refer him to couple therapy."

She balled her fists, "You're telling me to blindly trust him?"

He shrugged, "I honestly think you can, you already are trusting him by coming here. You might not remember anything Elena but you haven't changed, you would always agree to whatever he said, you still do that."

He wrote her prescription while she thought of his words. Was she a female Stefan, always nodding her head to what Damon wanted. Klaus was right, she wasn't going to launch on her husband for whatever had happened. She knew he was devoted and sincere, he wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

When she went outside he was right there waiting for her, "I read like two cosmos."

She bit her lip stopping herself from fainting.

"Okay I read one." He said as he saw her expressions, "How was it?"

She looked into his warm blue eyes "He was good, we talked about things."

He looked around "I've called Stefan and Care they're gonna take you home."

She nodded as he cupped her face and kissed the top of her head, "We can go to my cabin, you can drink a juice or something you know for retox."

She weakly smiled as he took her to his cabin and made her sit on the sofa. He ordered her a juice and sat by her, "You're awfully quiet."

"I -I don't know, did I ever tell you about –,"

She fell silent.

"About what?" he held her hand tightly as if assuring her everything was going to be fine.

"About Jeremy?" She whispered like someone was going to hear.

He looked at her for a full minute, "Klaus asked you about it?"

"Damon did I tell you about it or no?" she asked politely.

"All you told me was that, he was your younger brother who died when he was one, it was an accident," he said looking at her face as if scared she'd break down.

"That wasn't it, Damon." She said as if ashamed. Maybe the old her was way too much in love with him, she couldn't risk it, but this new Elena could, even if it meant taking it all away. He waited for her to talk.

"I killed him." She bit on her lip as tears started to ooze out of her eyes.

"What?" he asked surprised as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, letting her tears fall on his shoulder. She shook with each sob and it hurt him, he cupped the back of her head making her look at him, "What's wrong love? Why are you-,"

She interrupted, "I didn't know how it happened, I was on the balcony and I was holding him in my arms , he was asleep, he just fell from my arms." She sobbed louder, Damon let out a sigh, "No. Elena, it was an accident, you killed no one, you were seven."

She shook her head, "I did, Damon, I wanted him out of my way, how could I hate him so much when he was a baby. He asks me this every night, he wants to kill me."

"Baby, it's all in your head." He hugged her, "I am right here, Elena, no one is going to hurt you."

She nodded against his shoulder, "I've always feared him, I know I made a mistake."

"No you didn't, Elena you were a little child. Calm down love." He stroked her hair, "Shh. It's going to be okay , I am right here . You trust me right. It's all in your head, I'll make it all go away I promise." He pressed his lips to her temple. She closed her eyes under the effect, "Please, don't leave me."

"I won't ever, I promise you." He made her look at him, wiping her tears with his thumbs, "I'll get you water okay? It's right there, I am not going anywhere."

She nodded, he kissed her forehead and got up getting her a glass of water, he made her drink it steadily.

"Do you feel better?"

She nodded, "I always doubt you and your always there for me." She sighed.

"It's okay, I know what your going through, any person should-,"

she interrupted, "I shouldn't, I am not any person, I know I've forgotten every moment, I know I remember the worse, but it still overweighs what I feel, I can't keep running from it, I can't hide. I do feel, it's stronger than what I've ever felt in my seventeen or twenty-seven years of life, it's sometimes so dangerous that I begin trusting you so much but I do, it must be love." She could feel her heart racing, a smile spread on her lips, "It must be."

He looked frozen in his place, it was like he finally saw a hope at the end of the tunnel, he leaned forward and kissed her, his tongue rolled over her bottom lip and she opened her mouth for him moaning for him to close the distance between their bodies, he cupped her face and she lied back for him to cover her body with his as he continued to kiss her.

The door to his cabin slided which was enough signal for them to get away from each other, they turned their heads to see Stefan and Caroline at the door.

They were giving them awkward stares.

"Hey – uh, I almost forgot I called you."

"That's visible." Stefan grinned. "So you guys-,"

Elena blushed cherry red, "We're going home right?"

"That's the plan." He said, he turned to see Caroline who was almost frozen.

"You okay?" Stefan touched her shoulder. She looked miserable but she nodded, "Uh. Yeah. I, uh."

Elena could easily see the red in her eyes, why was she behaving this way, she didn't feel good in her presence.

"I'll get her bag." Damon said as he walked to his table, "Go by the pharmacy and get these for Elena will you, Stef?"

He nodded, "Actually, Damon, it'd be better if we both go, I have to talk about mom. Not here." He gestured with his eyes towards Elena.

Damon looked at her, 'Um Okay. We'll be back shortly. You can wait right Love?"

She smiled at him, 'Of course, honey." She could feel Caroline's stare on her.

Stefan almost laughed at her tone. When the door closed after them. Elena got up to face her blonde friend. "What's up, Care?"

She shrugged, "Nothing, this is a little surprising."

Elena grinned, "Well you did suggest we both 'bang'."

Caroline bit on her cheek from saying something, "So you had sex with him?"

"What if I did?" She said cocking her head to a side lying.

"Elena, I-," she sighed , "I don't know, I mean, you never wanted anything to do with him six days ago when we left and now –, all of this, have you figured it out? Don't rush it, you're gonna hurt him in the process."

She flinched inwardly, she could sense how her friend cared way too much about him, it always gave her a bad taste in her mouth, did she really think she'd replace her? Take one person who understood her, accepted her? Caroline could have any person in the world and she was still hung up on her friend's husband, "Care, I know you worry about me, us, but I know what I want, relax, I am not going to hurt him, I am never going to abandon him okay?"

Caroline sighed nodding, "I've always wanted you happy, Elena." She hugged Elena. Elena mumbled, "I hope you're angry because you want me happy not because of anything else."

Caroline parted, "What does that mean?"

Elena smiled, "Nothing, I just want to let you know that you have nothing to worry about, he loves me a lot and I think I do too, nothing is going to come between us and tear us apart, that I know."

Caroline put out a smile, "I hope."

..

..

Ten years ago

It was bar-b-que night, everyone was dressed nice, since she started walking with support. She had worn a red sundress with one tennis shoe because her other leg was bandaged, Caroline did her makeup and her hair. She looked fresh and happy tonight. So full of hope like her name.

Everyone had sat around the fire, chatting and telling stories, then Enzo being Enzo pulled out his guitar, he neglected everyone's request but Elena's, she asked him to play 'here comes the sun', he insisted her to sing but she refused so she wouldn't get embarrassed. He then settled on him playing. His warm eyes fell upon her in a gaze as he played the guitar, everyone was quiet now, she was looking at him with adoration. That's when she felt another pair of eyes on her, and when she looked around to confirm, Damon sure was looking at her, his eyes a mix of fury and adoration. She didn't know why, she smiled, she had seen him last night and not since morning and kind of missed seeing him. The look on his face said that the exchange between her and Enzo never went unnoticed to him.

After the song ended and everyone clapped, she gave Enzo one last smile before requesting Stefan that he take her back to bed because she felt tired.

"I'll drop her there." Damon told his brother as he was about to get up, he didn't sound too excited about it neither too uninterested, he wanted Stefan to feel he was doing him a favor when he wasn't. It was just an act.

"It's okay Damon I can." Stefan said with a whole wide grin.

Times like these he wanted to shave his blonde head.

"I know you can, but let me." He said a little eager now, "Please." He added as if giving him a signal.

"Okay, Elena will you be fine?" He asked her softly.

"Ahuh." She knew what was coming, big lecture.

He helped her up, supporting her weight on his body, she did hear their conversation in whisper, "To think he was so annoyed by this girl and now he always wants to be there for her."

When they passed the party and the silence started setting in accompanied by the dark, he easily picked her off the ground, she gasped "Hey!"

"What? I won't drop you, chill."

She pouted seeing him so detached, it was like he wanted to take out his anger in her but he wasn't going to.

"You didn't like the event?"

"I hate these kind of events." He said with a sigh. "Stupid bonfire. Tacky music. Fake laughs."

"So you came to see me only?" She asked with a grin.

"Don't flatter yourself." He rolled his eyes, "So damn conceited."

She chuckled, "I was kidding , you looked upset."

He suddenly asked, "So you like guys who play guitar?"

He could learn that, it wasn't as tough as it seemed.

"What? They're okay, do you know how to play?" she asked excited.

"I was thinking of learning to play it," when he saw her chuckle he added, "Everything should be given a try,"

She nodded giggling as he opened the door to camp house, "It has nothing to do with you."

"Keep telling yourself that." She teased as he put her on the bed.

"Why do I even bother? Fine I am not learning it now."

"It will make me feel good if you do learn to play it, you'd look good with a guitar." She touched his cheek which made him red.

"I am staying here till the Incharge get back from that stupid party."

She lied back, "I don't mind, sing me something."

He laughed sitting on the chair near the bed, "I don't sing, I don't play anything, I am not Enzo."

"I know." She said softly "It's absolutely fine if you aren't."

"Then why are you all over him?" he said a little rudely, "Even after I told you of his intentions Elena , boys like him, they –,"

She interrupted, "I know Damon, I am just being nice, I am not all over him or anything, I know he likes me or whatever it is. I don't have to give you an explanation but there is nothing between us till I don't want it."

"and you don't right?" he said almost urgently.

"I don't yet." She sighed.

He blinked, "Well that puts the rumor to rest."

"There was a rumor?"

"By your dear Enzo." He grinned. She rolled her eyes.

He watched her for a minute or two then sighed, "You look good, this color it looks good on you – you had every other chick thinking how that's possible that you look the prettiest among the lot when you are on crutches, but hey you won,"

She smiled, he thought she looked the best?

He added, "You had him drooling on his guitar."

Her mouth parted, she could clearly see the green eyed monster in his eyes, "God, you're so jealous."

"I am not! I have no reason to be!" He said defensively. Was he that vulnerable in front of her, he hated these foreign feelings, they didn't belong here, in his body.

"Yes you do, you wanna make out with that guitar so bad." She joked as she picked up her teddy bear and pulled it closer to her chest.

He threw the cushion on her face lightly, "Make out? I am going to use it's strings as floss as soon as I get my hands on it."

"You're not going to-,"

"I'm going to break that fucking thing into pieces."

"But why?"

"Because. Nothing. I just hate that darn thing." He said as he got up, he'd only turned when he heard Elena scream.

"He's here. He wants to kill me." She shouted with all her might.

..

..

So there is something massive hiding in Elena's past.

I hope you like past Damon and Elena.

There are clues about Elena's potential killer over the chapter.

What do you think about Damon and Grayson's relationship? Elena and Damon's relationship. Any guesses on the killer?

I really hope you're liking the story because I put my heart into this.

It would mean a lot to me if you review because they make me smile and make my day. I remember how sad I used to be just a few months ago and these reviews were my only highlight. So do review! They mean everything!

Love

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