As soon as we were on the train, Brutus pulled Cato away and started to talk strategy, leaving me with Clove.
"How were you able to mentor me?" she asked. "I thought Daria would be the one to mentor me."
"You're my little sister. I know you best and I will do everything in my power to get you out of the arena alive," I responded. "Almost no one argued, and in the end, I got my way."
"Thank you," she whispered, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm scared, Calida. I just want to go home to Sienna and the flowers and our parents… I'm terrified and I don't know how to hide it."
"Since Brutus and Cato are already talking strategy, we might as well start as well. The key is to act as strong and confident as you can. The only people you can let your guard down around are those from your District. Everyone else will see it as a weakness. They will talk about me, but I want you to divert every question and act disinterested to separate yourself from my image."
"Wait, but why?" Clove asked.
"Because you want to be seen as your own tribute, not as the carbon copy of me. We have similar weapon skills and we are similar in nature, but that doesn't make it any less crucial that sponsors see Clove and not Calida. I wasn't always loved, and you need to be able to win over those who didn't sponsor me."
She nodded slowly but quickly sat on the nearby sofa. I took that as a sign that she didn't want to talk about the Games anymore, but she soon began to question me.
"How do you feel about these games?"
"We haven't watched the reapings yet, but-" I started.
"You know what I mean, Cali. I'm not talking about the other tributes."
I was taken aback by her words because it still hadn't sunk in that only one tribute would return home. And there was a chance it would be neither my lover nor my sister. The very thought scared me to my core, and suddenly I wasn't on the train. My heart began to pound as I saw Jacobi, my district partner.
"It's okay, Cali," he whispered. "I'm dying anyway. I just wish there was a better way to go out…"
"No, I won't let it happen," I cried. "What about your sister? What about your mother? Think of them. Think of me. I can't let you do this."
His eyes clouded with sorrow and his chest heaved as tears fell down his face. I could tell that the wound on his shoulder was growing more painful by the second, but there was no time. No matter how I pleaded, I knew he wouldn't make it long enough for a single sponsor gift to arrive, let alone for me to find a way to save him.
The girl from District 7 had thrown a spear at him and it had embedded itself into her shoulder. At the time, we thought he would be fine. But two minutes later, he collapsed. The blade had been covered in nightlock, which was killing him by the second.
"Take care of them," he pleaded. "And please don't forget me. I'll always be with you, Calida."
And with those words, Jacobi- my partner, the boy who had become my brother- left me forever.
That night, the other Careers left me in peace as I grieved. It was the first night that I wouldn't see his joking smile from across the fire or his chiding tone when he reminded me to be careful with my knives. His blue eyes would never open again with the love of life and determination that graced them every second he was awake. Jacobi would never hug me after I killed a tribute to remind me of my humanity ever again. How was I supposed to survive without him? Without the constant reminder that I needed to be better. That I needed to keep the scraps of humanity I still had left.
It felt as if I had lost a limb.
It felt as if I had lost family.
"Cali," Clove shouted. "Come back to me, please!"
When I 'woke' from the memory, I had collapsed onto my bed and was sobbing into my sister's shoulder. I couldn't remember what she had asked me, or how I had even gotten into my compartment on the train.
I heard someone run into the cabin, and I looked up to see Cato. He was disheveled as if he had sprinted down the train.
It turns out, he had.
"God, Calida are you okay?"
I nodded slowly as Clove moved us over to make room on the bed for Cato. He immediately wrapped me in his arms and pressed kisses to my hair, cheeks, and forehead.
"I'm here, love. I'm right here," he whispered in between kisses.
"I'm going to get her some water," Clove said, standing and leaving us together.
"What happened," he asked.
"Jacobi," I whispered, still seeing his lifeless body when I closed my eyes.
With that word, he wrapped me up in his arms and just held me close. Cato was never the best with his words, but every touch, every kiss, every caress told me everything I needed to know.
He loved me. I was his. He was mine. I loved him. Nothing else mattered. We were the only two in the universe at that moment. He would never let me go.
A few minutes later, though, Clove came back with the water and the illusion was shattered. Suddenly I remembered that I would have to lose one of them to keep the other, and I broke down yet again into tears of absolute misery.
They both held me as I cried, and I let myself be loved by them before it was too late.