Apparently, that was only just the beginning of their never ending torment.
Once the heat enveloped each of them, all they saw was a white light similar to when they died. When the Akatsuki woke up, they weren't back at the cafe.
No, they woke up in a different place entirely.
Separated.
Tobi was the first to wake up after the light. A dry heat made him uncomfortable, and he blinked once he took everything in.
First, he was sitting upright in a chair. The sun was shining down over him, and he smelled something entirely foreign and unpleasant. It was almost like some type of chemical. When he looked down, he realized that he had no shirt on. His mask was still on, at least. A weird item hung around his neck, and an oval shaped float device was on his lap.
A shrill scream made him flinch, and he looked down in alarm towards the noise. Was someone dying? Getting tortured?
He tilted his head when the site of deep blue and a bunch of heads filled his vision.
The screaming came from children playing in a large hole filled with water. Tobi silently concluded that the water was where that nasty chemical scent was coming from.
His shoulders tensed, and his mind became overwhelmed with how weird and different everything was. The cafe was easier to work at since it was similar to a few shops and restaurants from back when he was alive. This? This was too overwhelming.
Too much went on at once. People were violently splashing water, kids were screaming, crying, and running on the concrete. People were even sitting outside of the pool.
'What the hell is this? I don't even see any other Akatsuki around here. Why am I sitting so high up? What the hell is even around me right now? I thought that damn cafe was the last of it-'
His thoughts were interrupted when a voice called out to him. One all too familiar...
"Oi! Tobi!"
Tobi almost forgot to pretend to be an idiot, so he dramatically looked around the area for Deidara with a dramatic gasp.
"Senpai? Deidara-senpai, is that your voice I hear?! Or are you in my head?! Oh no!"
His voice was silly and exaggerated, but it didn't match the emotionless expression he wore under his mask. It never did.
"Look up, idiot! I'm at the top of this huge slide! It's so unartistic that I want to just blow it up!"
He listened to the 'Shut up kid, I wasn't joking', and found Deidara waving at him from up above.
Tobi waved back enthusiastically, and was about to climb down and meet up with him before an angry mother yelled at him.
"Hey!" she screamed, making Tobi abruptly stop his descend, "You're the lifeguard! You can't just leave your post!"
'Lifeguard?' Tobi thought in confusion, 'What the fuck is a lifeguard?! Maybe I can just use kamui to escape. I need to find Deidara and see what the hell this place is. He seems comfortable up there.'
Tobi's mask hole looked the woman dead in the eye, and he used kamui to teleport to Deidara. He made sure to do it when Deidara wasn't looking, of course. People who didn't know jutsu just always thought they were hallucinating or high, so he didn't worry about people seeing him.
Once he was at the top, he appeared behind Deidara, who was looking extremely pissed off at a child who was waiting to go down the slide.
"I'm scared!" the child whined, fat tears falling down his face as Deidara gave him an annoyed glare. "I want my mommy!"
Deidara finally had enough, so he stomped over to where the child was sitting. "You wanna see your mom? I'll help you with that, hm."
Deidara then gave the kid a shove, and the poor guy screamed as he went down the water slide.
When Deidara found Tobi behind him, he grabbed the fool and shoved him towards the corner of the platform.
"Tobi, I thought we were done!" Deidara hissed, then warily looked over at the line of kids, who were all staring at them in fear. "These annoying brats just won't stop coming and apparently I have to tell them when to go. I think I saw Sasori down there working at the ice cream shop. How the hell did you get up here, yeah?"
"Shhh." Tobi pressed a finger to his mask. "It was my new technique, Line Skip Jutsu! Don't tell anyone about it! Tobi woke up in a daze in that chair down there!" He then directed his finger towards the ground, and watched as Deidara nodded while looking.
"I see. I heard some lady call you a 'lifeguard'. Whatever that means. Sounds stupid. Anyway, come on! Let's ditch this shitty place and get Sasori! I'm not doing this job shit anymore. If I spend any longer here, I'm gonna drop a C3 bomb on this entire place! Come on, we're getting out of here!" Deidara grabbed Tobi, and the two shoved their way through the line of kids. Deidara shoved one so hard he fell down, but he didn't care.
The two ran towards the crowded ice cream shop. When Tobi glanced over at the pool, everyone was screaming something about 'they're drowning'. He simply moved his gaze away when he saw a butterfly.
"Pretty-!"
Deidara slapped him. "Now's not the time, Tobi!
Tobi sulked and continued running.
They reached the shop, and both tried to see who was at the window.
Sasori's typically sleepy, brown eyes were narrowed in anger. His red hair was hidden in a cap, and he was wearing some uniform. People in line were staring in disbelief at the rudeness Sasori was displaying.
"That's clearly not enough. Can you even count? You're the fourth customer today that didn't pay me the right amount!" Sasori snapped angrily at the man.
The man's face flushed in embarrassment, but he scoffed at Sasori's outburst then said, "Hey man, you didn't need to scream at me like that. You need to check your damn attitude."
"And you need to go back to first grade and learn how to count your money, you pathetic excuse for a human!" Sasori seethed.
Deidara himself was surprised at the raw anger in Sasori's voice. He angered easily, but never has he heard such rage come out of him.
Once those brown eyes finally found the pair, Sasori rolled his eyes as if their very existence ruined his entire day.
He jerked his head towards the back of the shop, so Tobi and Deidara made their way over.
Sasori opened the back door, and he immediately took off his cap and waved his...sweating face?
"You're sweating?" Tobi and Deidara asked in unison.
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.
"Yes, I'm sweating!" Sasori slapped his forehead, then wiped off the sweat in exasperation. "I'm sweating like a human! My puppet body is gone, and now all of these disgusting humanly reactions are ruining everything!"
Deidara held up his hand then said, "I've noticed that my mouths are gone, too. What about you, Tobi?"
The artist duo looked expectantly at Tobi, but the masked man just shrugged. "I don't know. I still have my Line Skip Jutsu, though!"
Sasori sighed, "Well, what do we do now? I can't work another job, especially one at some disgusting park where kids piss in the pools and adults crowd at every area-"
"TOBI!"
The three turned towards the angered yell, and saw a woman with the same items as Tobi walking towards them. She went straight up to Tobi, and yelled, "What the hell were you doing?! While you just got up and left, someone almost drowned in the pool! One of the parents had to save them! You're fired!"
Tobi stared at her blankly.
"Okie-dokie!"
She then looked over at Deidara. "You as well. I had a parent complain about her child getting pushed down, and the kids said you were talking about blowing up the slide. You two are sick. What are you, some psychopaths?"
"What about me?" Sasori spoke up, "I yelled at customers today."
"You're not my problem."
"Damn it."
She left.
"Well," Sasori began, putting his cap back on, "I'm gonna go get fired."
"Hm, we'll wait for you here."
"Whatever."
—
"W-What?! I'm back here?!"
Deidara stared in horror at the rushing water slide and line of kids.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."
Sasori stared emotionlessly at the customer's face as she ordered ice cream.
Tobi's breath hitched when two teens asked him the directions to the bathroom as he sat in his seat.
They not only couldn't kill anyone and lost some of their jutsu, but they couldn't even get fired.
The true hell had just begun.
—