Bit of a shorter chapter here, as there was just a few reasonably long ones close together.
This chapter references depression and medication. I didn't get too in depth (frankly I could've gone way deeper, but I didn't want to stress myself or anyone else out for that matter). I know this is a tender subject. Read with caution if you're sensitive to things like this.
Gale sighed as he shut the door behind him. It had not been a good day. Or a good week. Or a good… anything, really. He was tired and angry and sad all the time and he couldn't figure it out. It was really starting to get on his nerves.
Nothing made him happy, and no matter how much he slept- when he managed to fall asleep, he was exhausted. Everything felt like a chore, even getting off the couch or tying his shoes. He was sick of it. Truly. Especially since it came out of nowhere.
"What's your problem?" Johanna questioned, looking up from the letter she was writing at the kitchen table. It was unlike him to come in like that.
He didn't answer. He hung up his coat and sat on the couch, afraid that if he tried to say anything he'd end up saying something he'd regret, which seemed to be happening at work more often that he'd like to admit. He was either sad or really, really angry, there wasn't really an in between, no other options anymore.
"Gale?" Johanna asked, making her way to the living room.
He still didn't reply. He was really trying his best to hide how he was feeling from Johanna. He didn't want to upset or concern her in any way.
"You've been acting really weird." She added.
"I don't want to talk about it." He managed to say in a much harsher tone than he intended. "Just, leave me alone." He knew he should apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize.
Johanna's face fell at his words, but her face immediately hardened. She returned to the kitchen table and they didn't speak for the rest of the evening.
"Have you been keeping up with your medication?"
"Huh?"
It was two am and neither of them were asleep, but Gale had thought Johanna was.
"Have you been taking in when you're supposed to?" Johanna asked again, rolling over to face him.
"Yeah… I thought I wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore." Some time after the war, Gale had been diagnosed with depression and had been put on medication, which Johanna knew about all too well as she was on medication herself for various reasons and had been for a very long time. The Hunger Games and the war had not been kind to anyone and it was an anomaly among the survivors to not need any kind of treatment.
"Usually at some point, the meds stop working like they're supposed to and you need to get a higher dose." Johanna explained. She had gone up and down more times than she could count. "Have you ever changed?"
"No." Gale admitted.
"It's been years, Gale. You might need to go up."
He sighed. "I know… I just… I don't want those damn side effects again. I felt sick for weeks."
"But when the side effects stopped, did you feel better?"
"Yeah. I've felt… good all this time."
"I know side effects suck. I went through 3 meds before they found one that worked for me. And then they had to add on that other one a few years later. And the side effects were brutal. But usually, just going up isn't all that bad if anything at all happens."
"I hate it, Jo. That I have to take medication to live like a normal person." Gale sounded near tears.
"Hey, hey. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Johanna promised, reaching out to touch his arm.
"It makes me feel like I'm not strong enough to- I don't know…"
"It makes you feel weak. I know the feeling. It was hard for me, but once I accepted that the medication was helping me… I realized it wasn't weak to ask for help when you need it. And if that and meds help can help you get your life back… it's for the best. Even if it seems humiliating."
Gale was silent. Johanna scooted closer to him.
"I feel like such an idiot. You and-and everyone else have been through so much more than I have and I can't even handle-"
"My experiences don't invalidate yours." Johanna replied, paraphrasing something her psychiatrist had said to her many times.
"This sounds ridiculous- but why did you put up with me like this? You didn't have to… you could've just… left."
Johanna smiled sadly. "It is ridiculous. But I know that's depression talking, so I'll let it slide."
Gale laughed a bit.
"Make an appointment to talk to someone about your meds. Please. I really don't like seeing you like this."
"I will." Gale replied.
"I'm here to talk whenever you need me. And I'm not going anywhere. Ever."
Gale pulled her closer. "I love you."
"I love you too."
A/N: Please, if you need help, do not be ashamed to ask for help. Do not be ashamed to be prescribed meds. You can and will get through anything. I believe in, and love, each and every one of you.