Real talk: I really hate long breaks, don't you? I'll admit, this was a difficult chapter to write because it's the first one in Musicology to focus on Finn and Jake without our immortal ladies. It also took more background research than ended up being necessary. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long as this one did!
You guys gave me a ton of love last chapter, and I wanted to send my appreciation. I haven't been feeling well over the past couple weeks, and it really cheered me up. Hopefully you like this chapter! You don't know it yet, but you've been waiting for it.
Content Warnings:
Existential Crisis
Mystery!
Suspense!
No Marceline, only a small amount of Bonnie
Mentioning of grievous wounds (no description... yet)
Poor Finn
Wish Granted
When Finn Mertens was a child life was decidedly simple.
He had always known he wanted to be a hero. After all, his parents were heroes, and who was he to idolize more than the people who found him in the forest, took him home, and raised him alongside their natural puppies? His goals seemed so clear-cut back then: protect the innocent, stop and beat up the bad guys, help the good guys, right wrongs. In time his aspirations would grow, and he would become the champion of the wisest and most benevolent leader in all of Ooo. The fact that he had a slight crush on her certainly didn't help that particular motivation. Absolutely not.
As a child he thought that these life aspirations were, indeed, what it meant to be a hero, and so the facts surrounding a hero's duty were just so obvious, were so simply defined; the innocent were those who had done no wrong and didn't deserve the misfortune befalling them; the bad guys were those that were hurting aforementioned innocents; the good guys - like he and his brother - were the ones trying to protect aforementioned innocents; righting wrongs meant balancing the scale of justice; and the wisest and most benevolent leader in all of Ooo was, without a doubt, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom, who created, loved, and protected every one of her citizens with all her heart.
Adult Finn Mertens envied Child Finn Mertens's innocence. In fact, it made him grimace.
He had suspected he was coming into his stride as a hero at the tender age of seventeen. By then he had fought countless enemies and saved Ooo dozens of times, not least of all from powerful foes such as the Lich. Not even a man grown and he was already a household name, the go-to guy for all problems great and small, from opening pickle jars to finding ancient artifacts by solving cryptic yet pointless riddles. He had known he was growing up the moment he made the crucial yet vain decision to try to reason with Gumbald not to start a war with the Candy Kingdom, to try to act as a diplomat rather than face-puncher. But it would take traversing his friend's shattered psyche, meeting those pieces of her that acted as villain, hero, and anti-hero, all with their own motives and perspectives in life and perspectives of him, for Finn to come to the conclusion that, deep down, he really had no idea what it meant to be a hero or champion of anything. It was a crisis of identity his brother and best friend didn't share, one he was alone in trying to make sense of.
Finn would like to say that the realization was gradual, that his crisis evolved over time, something he spent his life considering and weighing and trying to comes to terms with. Finn would like to say that, but he was just as guilty as his ladybros in denying the reality of his own life, of turning a blind eye to that which was unpleasant. In truth, it was only now hitting him with enough force to leave a psychological bruise, and he knew now that the complexity of reality was staggering, the unanswered questions now gaping holes in his sense of self-worth and understanding of the threads that held his world together. Was Princess Bubblegum truly benevolent, even with her wisdom acting as a double-edged sword, used to protect just as often as it was to manipulate? After all, she sewed life together and certainly loved and guided her citizens, but she also imposed her own will on her subjects to varying extents and apparently had a multi-century history of being a borderline-abusive girlfriend, something of which neither immortal spoke of, something he would have known nothing about if not for the entire tragedy. Were innocents always blameless? Surely the victims of the current disaster were, what with the broken homes and also bodies. Were people who caused pain and suffering bad guys by default? Sure, Marceline had caused untold destruction, but she hadn't meant for any of this to happen, there was no doubt about that. Still… she was the cause, and she was capable of so much more, and he had personally met pieces of her that did want to do so much more. She wasn't even with him to clean up her mess, but then again she couldn't even control herself these days. Did that mean, as a hero, it was Finn's job to stop her before something worse happened? What would it mean to stop her, exactly? To stop a friend, someone so close they may as well be family? Kill her? Detain her? Detain her where? What would it mean to balance the scale of justice in a situation as unprecedented as this?
What was justice, exactly?
He and Jake talked a lot about justice, which was weird; it occurred to him only now that he had never even bothered to define what it was and was not, the two only kept the concept vague and undefined. As children it just seemed so self-evident. Now he knew better, which is to say he knew nothing at all. Did it depend on the circumstances, and was he qualified to make that distinction on behalf of an entire land? Was it always retribution, or was there some grey area? Navigator, who was sentiment incarnate, certainly thought there was no decisive line between good and evil, and she had been as close to a hero as Marceline herself got. It was undeniable to the boy, deep down-ways in his heart of hearts, that Marceline was just as innocent as her victims. She had possessed the power for such destruction within her all along but had never used it until now, had struggled and hurt herself to keep her nature contained and hidden from the world, and even then when it did escape it wasn't purposeful. Even years ago, when Jake had intentionally-yet-unintentionally stirred the villagers into action after finding their cows drained of blood, Marceline took no violent action against them. I mean… sure, she wasn't actually a vampire at the time, but she still had her strength and her pyrokinesis. And… necromancy, I guess, even if she hates doing it. She still coulda wasted them all if she wanted. Besides… she's my ladybro. I gotta duty to her, just like everyone else.
But where did one duty end and another begin? If Marceline proved incapable of recovering or fully controlling herself, would it be his responsibility to stop her? How far would he have to go? Could he do so in good conscience knowing that doing so may alienate him from the Candy Kingdom? Or… would he have to stop the denizens of the Grasslands from attacking her, to give her a chance to heal and return to normal? It had been some time since the Vampire Incident, and Finn especially knew that Common Folk had short memory spans; Marceline had ultimately ended up being their savior, but hatred comes so much easier than gratitude. Would their memory of her saving them outweigh their fury? Was he under obligation to tell them what really happened? So many questions swirled in Finn's mind, so many variables he had never thought he would ever have to contend with, at least all at once, because he was only now realizing one great truth: he had dreamed of being a hero since he was a child, but the problem with deciding on a dream as a child is that the dream is created through the eyes of a child. Were Marceline with him, and were she in her right mind, she would undoubtedly taunt him about him finally losing his innocence, teasing him that the world isn't black and white, that lines aren't clearly drawn, and that maybe he should get off his own personal Percy.
Don't get me wrong, you're a nice kid, but I really dislike you 'obey the law' types on principle. All you do is take someone else's rules and force them down the throats of other peeps, don't even care if they want to. You just do what your leader says and expect everyone else to do the same. Not really fair, huh?
As absolutely insane as the Usurper had been Finn was beginning to understand where that manic statement stemmed from, where some of that rage had been rooted and why she had lashed out at the heroic duo with such ferocity. After all, she may have been psychotic but she was still part of his best ladybro, and so just as valid as any of the others. She shared in the Whole's wisdom and life experience and, despite her mania and impulsivity was actually quite intelligent. That animosity didn't derive from nothing, even if he would love to pretend otherwise. Usurper saw the grey of it all. She just saw oppression and was mad mad that me and Jake were trying to make it overly simple. We all keep saying she was mega selfish... but maybe that's what she thought about us? It was a difficult pill to swallow, that a being of chaotic evil may have actually been more insightful than anyone anticipated. I mean… maybe I'm reading too much into it? I'unno. Peebo said that Marce could be really insightful, and they all kind of were, in their own way.
He shelved that line of thinking; now was not the time for his existential crisis, and he didn't have the means or know-how anyway. As it stood he and Jake had their own problems to deal with, problems that could summarized in three words: conflict of interest.
"Finn, I think I'm freaking out, man."
You and me both, brother.
They had been given explicit instructions: check out the extent of the damage done to Marceline's house, then confirm the situation occurring in the Grasslands. Unfortunately, though, Princess Bubblegum had been in great haste and had forgotten one critical detail about those not as smart as herself: it doesn't take much to cause a mass panic, and oh boy was that an understatement. No sooner had Finn hung up with her that It began, and It began en masse.
"Oh thank goodness, Finn and Jake are here!"
"Finn and Jake! They'll get to the bottom of this!"
"Our heroes who have never let us down and surely never will!"
"They never disappoint us and this will be no exception!"
Through some miracle Finn managed to repress his sigh. While he would normally bask in such praise, already jumping into the fray with promises and vows and such, this situation was unique to say the least. It would be up to the duo to toe a very delicate line between being a hero and promising to help while being a friend and not giving too specific a promise of how he would do so. Were it not for their long history of saving the world the denizens of the Grasslands would have surely noticed the subtle difference, but his track record spoke for itself. 'Sides… except for calling the cause a giant bat they don't actually know it was Marce. Alright, Finn. Play it all cool-like. You're a cube. An ice cube. Which is the most righteous kind of cube. But it wouldn't due to appear like the brothers were disregarding their method of hero-ing up the place. They had to, at the very least, go through the motions. Convincingly.
"Don't worry guys, we got this! Now, we're gonna talk to everyone, so don't go runnin' off for any reason or… bad stuff will happen!" To Finn's claim there was a collective gasp, a small puff of a creature fainting from the sheer shock. "'Gasp' is right! We wanna get to the bottom of this, and we need you all to channel your inner righteousness and help us out! So we're gonna talk to you one at a time, so don't go all whispering to each other! Rumors are for lame-os, and you guys don't wanna be lame, right?" The consensus: No one wanted to be lame.
With a nod, Finn turned to his brother. "Alright Jake, how do we do this?"
Jake rubbed his chin, squinting as he surveyed the area. "We gotta be like detectives, man. Solve the mystery."
Finn raised an eyebrow. "Uh… Jake? We already know who did it. And why. And even where she is."
The dog was unamused, expressing so by blowing an unnecessarily loud raspberry. "Not that mystery! We gotta know how bad it is and junk. Tell ya what, I'll call Doctor Princess, you start roundin' up the victims."
"While also making sure we don't tell them who did it?"
The elder brother stopped to consider this. "Oh man, that's an even better plan!" As his brother gawked Jake gave him the Ultimate Double Thumbs Up before reaching into his fur pocket for his phone. "What ya waitin' for?! Get sleuthin', Finn!"
As Jake began to dial with one hand while shaping his head-fur's mass into a rather handsome hat with which to sleuth Finn sighed, shaking his head at his brother's lackadaisical attitude towards the entire situation. Still… it's an improvement over what went down the last time Marce was involved in carnage and mayhem. If turning this into a game kept Jake amused enough not to spill the secret of 'whodunnit' it was, in the boy's opinion, a small albeit strange price to pay. "Word. See ya out in the field, Detective Jake!" And with that the boy turned, formally addressing the victims of Marceline's panic attack. At least… those that could stand. That didn't exactly seem to be a large portion of the population. Or even half a portion. Ah, nuts.
Those that had been cheering his name were the lucky ones. The blast radius was larger than he had anticipated, jagged and haphazard ground scorched red where there was once vibrant green grass. Any building or structure caught within were no longer buildings or structures; instead they were crumbled heaps, completely unrecognizable to anyone not already familiar with them. Even before investigating the full extent of the damage it was obvious that nothing had been spared. He only hoped the losses`were limited to stuff, not peeps. With a deep breath- "Alright guys! We're here-"
And then came the cheering. The heart-wrenching, confliction-inflicting cheering.
"Hooray!"
"My hope for the future has been restored!"
"Life is worth living again!"
Finn sighed, shook his head, and started again. "Guys! We're here to see what's up! But you gotta let us work, alright? We're gonna talk to everyone who can talk and figure out what happ-"
"We know what happened!"
"A horrible bat rained death from the sky! It hates us and our way of life!"
By some miracle Finn repressed a frustrated groan. Okay. Let's try that again again. "GUYS! We know something messed up went down, but you gotta let us work! You can help us out by just answering our questions and not leaving! A'ight?" The question what rhetorical and he gave his captive audience no chance to argue; instead he crossed the threshold from the untainted Grassland to the remnants of his best ladybro's madness.
At the very least, for whatever reason he didn't care about at the moment, he was left alone to his work. Which was great, really, because that way no one could see him sweat, or hear his deep swallow, or his tell-tale sigh, or the hammering in his chest, because this portion of the Grasslands was completely unrecognizable. Yes, he had known that the ground had been scorched. But this? With great trepidation Finn kneeled, reaching into the dust that had replaced the soil, feeling it move between his fingers. It was more like clay, really, like it had never been alive at all. When he closed the hand into a fist it crumbled and disintegrated into dust, as if the very lifeforce, the soul of his home, had been ripped away. He wondered it was possible; nevermind Marceline's state of mind, how was it possible to turn lush greenery into such desolation?
Nothing burns hotter than demon fire.
Finn shuddered involuntarily at the echo of Lady Evil's smug claim. Demon fire? Is that what did this? It would explain a lot. Actually, it would explain too much, because he couldn't even begin to understand the implications if such a thing were true. After all, he knew the color of his ladybro's flame: a stereotypical orange, more often than not used to light candles or for use as amusing parlor tricks to scare innocent bystanders half to death. But only half. Marceline was a purist, after all. Alright. I gotta find someone who can keep it on the downlow who saw this. Easier said than done, of course, as his job so often was. Peebo should see this. After a quick glance over his shoulder so he could ascertain his brother's position he flicked his backpack to the front and began digging through for any sort of container. "Let's see… binoculars, glue, a strand of rope, some socks," he muttered, pulling out a slip of pink paper that read 'Do not lose this paper -Princess Bubblegum' before gingerly returning it to its zipper compartment. With a frown he pulled out his second-finest white sock. "I guess this'll have to do." Cupping a small handful of grey ground Finn poured it into its new home, tying the garment off before dropping it back into his bag. With a quick glance around he straightened it, standing once more.
Now that the sample was safe in the impenetrable fortress that was Finn's pack he was free to traverse the ruined land. It was difficult to ascertain exactly how wide the catastrophe spread, but it was easily enough to desolate at least two villages. Two small villages, filled with small residents, but two villages nonetheless. Still, it didn't spread too far in that regard; he could easily seen greenery before the horizon, which meant the destruction had to end somewhere. Alright, let's go with that. Picking no direction in particular - as was the mark of a skilled and experienced hero - Finn stalked off. Something's weird here. He frowned, whipping his head around once more, but nothing new presented itself. Besides all the other weirdness, something's… even weirder. Sort of like-
And then he understood, turning back to where he began. He was several meters away now, but within good shouting distance. "Hey Jake! I need your pow-pows, dude!"
At first he wasn't sure that his call to arms had been heard, but when an incomprehensible shout was returned it was quickly followed by a brown furry body stretching over to meet him. "What's up, Finn? I called Doctor Princess. She said she specializes in Little Tuxedo People, but she should be able to help. I think she's on her way. I wasn't paying attention." Neither was Finn, who only nodded along in what he hoped appeared thoughtfully.
"Hey, I need to ride on your back while you get real tall."
Nothing seemed suspicious about that odd request, and so Jake just shrugged, stretching to a bird's eye view before scooping Finn up. "How's that?"
Finn barely noticed as he was deposited on his brother's back. He was too busy noticing everything else. The clear blue sky. The cool, gentle breeze that swayed the vibrant green and yellow and orange and red trees. Their leaves, too. Above him birds flew with nary a care in the world. The air smelt of autumn and what remained of the smoke, though one of these scents was decidedly more pleasant than the other.
But it was what lay under his brother's paws that truly interested him.
"...Huh."
Jake raised an eyebrow at the boy, then looked down for himself.
"...Huh."
Yes, the ground was scorched, that much was obvious. What wasn't obvious except from above, however was- "Woah. It just… stops. Finn, I think I'm freaking out again."
When fire - real fire - spreads, as Finn especially knew from first-hand experience, it tapered itself out, gradually growing weaker until it was extinguished. It meant that, in the end, some of the immediate area would be burned, some of it not, some badly, some barely. This was not the case here. Whatever Marceline had done, whatever fire or fire-like substance it had been, it had abruptly stopped itself. Though the edges of the destruction were uneven, lopsided, jagged, and otherwise haphazard one thing was universally true: there was no tapering, no gradual lessening of the flame's intensity. Instead there was a clear line between 'destroyed' and 'not destroyed', between 'grey clay/dust' and 'lush green grass', as if the flame had extinguished suddenly, had seared everything only to vanish without a trace. For the second time his thoughts turned to Lady Evil. How when she extinguished her fire it went out cleanly and without delay. How when anyone - everyone - else he saw with a flame had to put effort into dispelling it. ...No. Uh uh. Don't even go there, Finn. This is still a mystery. Can't be tainted your mindmeats into drawing a conclusion before you review everything. Snap out of it! Okay, I've snapped out of it. Radical job, Finn. Thanks, Other Finn. With a gulp he fished for his phone, taking as clear a photo as he could of what lay below him. "It's alright, Jake. Let's go down."
The elder hero didn't need to be told twice, or even once for that matter. The moment Finn had told him that it was alright he had taken it as permission to return to his normal size, almost dropping the boy in the process. "Okay, that's better. If I can't see it it can't see me."
That made absolutely no sense. "Makes sense to me, man." Not that Jake needed to know that. "Wanna use those mad detective skills and help me interview the victims?"
That brightened Jake's mood considerably. "Yeah, man! Let's do this right!" Reforming his spiffy detective's hat - Finn hadn't even noticed he had lost it at some point - he once more allowed Finn to mount him before stretching back to the bulk of the carnage: the victims.
He knew it would be true, but it didn't blunt the impact of seeing the calamity: as bad as the landscape itself was, the villages were worse. Prior to today the landscape was bare, only housing grass. The villages, on the other hand, were - emphasis on were - far more occupied. Before today there had been buildings, roads, people, all tiny, but all the hallmarks of civilization. Or… were. The buildings were unrecognizable charred husks. Most were collapsed in on themselves, or being supported through hopes and dreams and oddly well-placed support beams that wouldn't be able to fulfill their intended purposes much longer. The metal was warped and twisted; Finn was amazed by the sight, but it almost looked like several cube-shaped buildings had been fused together to make a giant, purposeless cube that was in no was right. With a gentle nudge he signalled Jake to drop him off.
"Everything is like this. Some mushroom guy said his peeps are doin' alright, but it looks like Soft Village got hit, too."
Finn paled. "Are they…?"
"They're still soft, but their stuff isn't. He said it's all melted and ruined."
The young hero felt his insides itch. How did you do so much damage in so little time, Marce? It was almost impressive, in a macabre sort of way. If it weren't so horrifying he'd make the trek to assess the damage himself. Logically, he should, he knew it, but it was getting to be too much for the human, so afflicted with human emotions.
Perhaps predicting his anxiety Jake held up his own phone. "Dude sent me the pics. You're not gonna like 'em." But I'm gonna guess the princess is gonna like 'em less.
Never before had Finn felt such relief. Sometimes he almost forgot what a competent hero his older brother was, once he overcame his sloth and occasional bouts of cowardice. Always the best big bro a little bro could ask for, though. "Alright, so Cube Village, Mushroom Village, and Soft Village were all hit." Something bothered him, something about the locations of all three of those villages in relation to something else import-
His eyes widened. "Oh nuts! Those are all near where Tree Trunks lives!" And just like that, the gravity of the situation crashed around him. He was anxious before, but now he was positively panicked, and were he not so experienced in navigating impossible and life-threatening situations he would surely be hyperventilating, or something else less gallant than his normal demeanor. As it stood his mind was already racing, not so much putting the pieces together as he was slamming them together with brute force. This is it, isn't it? P-bubs said the Lich is gonna come back, and this is how it happens! Marce loses control, accidentally kills Sweet P, and- "Jake, we gotta get there."
With a salute Jake scooped Finn onto his back and took off, yelling something over his shoulder as he did so. Exactly what he said the boy couldn't understand, but he also didn't try all that hard: if his hunch was correct the Cosmic Owl's prophecy was about to come true in the worst way. For a brief moment his fingers twitched towards his phone, but he resisted the urge to call the old elephant. After all, if he was right she was a grieving mother now, and that would just be insensitive. With a gulp, Finn closed his eyes tightly, hoping he was wrong. He was almost in panic attack mode himself now, memories of fighting the horrid monster washing over him. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but he hadn't exactly planned on having one right that second and it took what Linke had once mocked as his heart of gold to repress it. Yes, he was victorious and had been every time, but that didn't lessen the mental impact of what the Lich had done, what he could do, what he was destined to do again. Winning didn't negate the mental trauma of what it took to do so. And here it is again, isn't it? In the back of his mind he counted the seconds as Jake barrelled towards their destination at top speed. Even with the added power of stretching it was taking too long.
Once more Jake said something to him, once more he didn't listen, too lost in thought. With a frown, Jake skidded to a halt, catching his brother as he was flung off. "Dude, you gotta learn to pay attention. We're here. But… uh…" As he set Finn down on the plush grass the younger champion frowned at his brother's frown.
Wait… grass? Yes, grass. Plush and soft, well maintained and obviously cared for over a long period of time. In fact, the entire scene was picturesque: the small pink house was still finely decorated with nary a scratch, the chimney undented, the windows looked freshly cleaned. Even the 'welcome' mat looked scuff free. In fact, all of the outside decorations did; the chairs the bird-feeder, Tree Trunks's beloved decorative bush, the growing woodpile in preparation for the coming cold seasons… everything looked exactly as it always did. The apple trees were full of delicious red and yellow and green fruit and swayed gently in the breeze, small squirrels could be seen peeking out of the knotholes, and the smell of cakes and pies filled the air.
Finn was almost too stunned to comprehend what he was seeing, whipping his head behind him, then to the front once more. The fire damage stops, like… forty meters from the house? His relief was short-lived. Wait, where is everyone? As if the entire plot of land was an illusion the young hero carefully passed through, aiming squarely for the small pink house. He felt silly doing so, but once it was within arms length he reached out and touched it, feeling the fine grained wood dyed pink under his fingers, the cool lavender and gold and mauve metal below it in semi-tasteful vertical stripes. A quick glance up showed the metal roof to be in excellent shape as well. With newfound determination he motioned for Jake to leave the birdfeeder alone- it's meant for birds, Jake, and you might be bird-shaped right now but you're still a dog, bro -and join him at the door. With new resolution hardening his will he knocked.
It was only a moment later before the door opened, a happy and familiar face greeting them. "Why Finn and Jake! Here you are, surprisin' an old damsel. Naughty boys."
It was an odd sensation, being genuinely glad to see Tree Trunks, but there it was in all of its glory. "Hey Tree Trunks! We're here to… uh…" Honestly, he hadn't thought this far ahead.
For better or for worse, Jake picked up the slack. "We're here investigating some-" not bat not bat not bat "-bird thing that messed up the Grasslands. Have you seen it?"
Tree Trunks tilted her head, confusion evident. "I'm afraid not, boys. I think I'd remember somethin' like that. Are you sure that was here?" Jake raised an eyebrow, turning to gesture wildly at the ruination right outside her front door. She followed his motions, tracing the edge of the disaster. That seemed to perplex her more. "Oh dear me, that's just dreadful! When did all this happen?"
Now the brothers exchanged a shared look, a look that said and asked and answered so much. Fortunately, dealing with Tree Trunks was part of the Adventurer's Handbook. "Our evidence suggests it was a few hours ago, ma'am."
Tree Trunks shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry, Finn, but I don't recall, and I've been here all day."
Jake rubbed his chin. "So… are you the only one here?"
She nodded. "Oh yes. Mr. Pig and my darling Sweet P are on a father-son bonding trip to the Grocery Kingdom to get me some ingredients for tonight's dinner."
Interesting… "So they've been gone all day?"
"Oh yes. I'm afraid it can take quite some time for those two rascals to wander there and meander back. They left this mornin', and I don't believe they'll be back until nightfall. When they left all that rubbish certainly wasn't here."
"And… you didn't hear anything." Jake said in obvious disbelief.
"I'm afraid not. I've been listenin' to my stories."
Once more Finn and Jake exchanged a look, this time of relief and confusion. "Alright, Tree Trunks. You've been very helpful. We're gonna go talk to the other witnesses now before the perpetrator gets away with it."
Tree Trunks nodded, a look of determination settling over her. "I see. Well, I wish you luck boys. Would you like a pie for the road? You're still growin' boys and all."
"N-"
"Yes. Definitely. Please. Thank you. I love you." Tree Trunks smiled as she turned back into the house. Jake's grin was too triumphant to care about Finn's pointed look. "What?"
"Jake, this is serious!"
"I gotta refill my energy gauge, Finn. It's like a power tax. You wouldn't get it."
Finn had no time to argue; already Tree Trunks had returned, pie in trunk. "I always keep a fresh pie ready for when handsome, hungry young men come my way." With an unsettling wink she deposited the pastry into Finn's hands. "Now don't you two be strangers you know. I know my Sweet P loves when you two visit."
Now Finn did genuinely smile, a soft one, too, because the large boy may be the flesh and bone prison of the Lich himself but he was still a sapient, sweet child who loved hearing parentally-approved tales of the brothers' adventures. "We won't, Tree Trunks. We'll come by soon."
"Thank you boys. You take care now." With one last wave she was back in home, leaving Finn, Jake, and the pie.
"...Huh."
"You said it brother." As Finn stood dumbfounded Jake helpfully relieved his delicious burden. "Here, let me help you with that," he gleefully shouted as he shoved the pie, tin and all, into his unhinged jaw.
"Thanks," the boy mumbled dumbly, still trying to process whatever it was that had just happened.
"Yup, I'm just the best guy there is," Jake smirked, shovelling food into his face, as befitting his favorite hobby. When there was no guffawing or joyous agreement he frowned, removed the tin, and flung it into the wilderness. "What's up, Finn?"
Finn continued to stare at Tree Trunks's pristine cottage. "...I don't get it, Jake. PB said that the Cosmic Owl told her that the Lich is gonna come back, and we're gonna have to fight him, right? But he's Sweet P now, so he'd have to… not be Sweet P anymore, right?"
"Ah, I gotcha." He motioned back towards the miniature wasteland and Finn followed. "Seems like this would make sense, right? I mean, for Marce to have accidentally wasted him, giving Lich the chance to come back." When Finn nodded, still deep in thought, Jake shrugged. "Listen Finn, the Cosmic Owl is a strange bird. His predictions don't always come true in the way you think they will. Or maybe it will, but not for years and years. Not like the dude wears a watch." He strolled off and the younger brother followed mindlessly.
Finn tumbled that thought about in his mindmeats, which were still in overdrive and hyper-aware of everything around him. That's all true, but… "I don't know, Jake. I think it's really weird that Marce's freakout just parked itself right outside of TT's place."
The dog shrugged. "Eh, I wouldn't read too much into it. The destruction had to stop somewhere. Maybe Marce can tell us herself when we give Bubblegum the status update. Seems like the kinda thing she'd do. She's probs just messin' with us."
He had blissfully forgotten all about the status update, and now the weight of reality was making his back ache. "Yeah, I guess." He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Can't worry about it now. Just another clue, Finn. You got other stuff to do. Even if her brain is kinda broken and I dun think that- "Yeah," he nodded. "We gotta focus on other junk."
The two fell into a comfortable silence, but just as Finn settled into returning to his observations of what was once beautiful nature Jake released a disgusted groan. "Ugh. The longer I walk on this stuff the grosser my feets feel." With a wrinkled nose he lifted his bottom left paw, shaking it. "Finn, it won't come off," he whined. "I didn't do anythin' to deserve this!"
Finn gave him a sad smile. No one did. "Chill, man. We'll be back at the villages soon. Then we just gotta see if Doctor Princess is there and finish talkin' to the peeps. Then we'll head to the castle. Things will definitely be fine there."
His reassurances didn't help, but then Finn hadn't thought they would. "That's gonna take forever."
"A hero's work is never done, brother."
Jake groaned loudly, a cry of help to the heavens, but didn't argue. "Fi-i-i-ne." And then his form grew, no longer satisfied by walking alongside his younger sibling. In one swift motion he all but yanked the human from the ground in his haste to become his mighty steed. "Sorry dude, but this is taken' way too long, and I gotta wash this grossness off of my feet. They're precious tender babies."
Finn chuckled, "Alright guy. Do what ya gotta do." And then the pair were off, Jake stretching himself to victory with great speed. Not that it took very long, really, or that they were very far objectively. Finn didn't really blame the dog for his eagerness; they were both tired, emotionally, physically, and mentally, and even he was looking forward to a nap. He may be benefitted by the strength of will and a heart of gold, but that didn't mean he was invincible, despite what he may have thought in his younger years. Or as recently as a few weeks ago, if he was really honest with himself.
It was hard to be, but he was anyway.
"So I was thinkin'." Finn almost jumped at his brother's mouth, eye, and ear in such close proximity. Then an eyebrow was just his other pieces, and the boy imagined it was arched. "Uh… you okay, Finn?"
He gave his best try at a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm cool as a cucumber. Just thinkin' about stuff."
"Well, don't think too hard. You'll get all wrinkly, like a weird big raisin." The mouth grinned. "And I don't think Huntress Wizard wants to be all smoochin' on a raisin. Pretty sure she doesn't swing that way."
That successfully derailed Finn's morose train of thought, his lips tightening into a thin line as his face flushed a deep pink. "Jake!," he stifled from a yell into a squeak. All it did was make his brother cackle, the mocking sound accompanying both boys to the final leg of their journey. Before Finn could think of some retort, some defense, anything, Jake was already shrinking down, dropping his brother onto a crinkled black tarp that had been laid out on the ground, his butt successfully protected from the mutilated ground, his hands catching himself before he could hit it as hard as his posterior. Bruised butts were anything but radical. "Wha?"
"Oh good, there you two are."
There was just something about that matter-of-fact voice that gave Finn such comfort, and he almost grinned at its presence. He managed to restrain himself, instead channeling that glee into enough energy to push himself to a standing position. "Doctor Princess! Man, we're glad to see you."
"Most people are."
Despite the controlled tone the hero continued to smile. It was something the princess often adopted when she was at work as well, and he supposed it must be a brainiac thing. "How's it lookin'?"
Ooo's favorite physician snapped her gaze from her pristine tan clipboard covered in a scrawl that seemed to be unique to her professional to fix both brothers with an amused stare. She was in full doctor mode: her long, soft orange turtleneck she often wore on her rare days off from work was covered by a spotless lab coat. Each pocket seemed to contain some device Finn was certain was medically related, but that was as far as his understanding went.
He supposed the ones he did understand were nestled in the hard black bag with its bronze latch at her feet, a pre-War relic gifted to her by Princess Bubblegum after she aided in the candy golem's un-shattering, an artifact Marceline had claimed was what 'all the docs used to doctor people up with'. Her shoes were already coated in the grey landscape, indicating she had been hard at work for some time now. Two rolls of unused bandages decorated her left wrist, which was miraculously holding up under the unnecessary swiftness of her writing and the sheer amount of paper that held her notes. She answered his question with her own. "What am I looking at here exactly?"
It was a sentence he had heard often in his youth, more of a statement than anything else really, an implication that she could only do so much without knowing what she was dealing with. It made sense, of course: you needed to know how something broke in order to know how to fix it. It was also a subtle accusation, a prod as to why this had happened, not just how. He always figured it must be a weird science thing, because the princess did it, too. This would call for the careful censoring of any information that could implicate Marceline, because while he knew Doctor Princess's professionalism demanded she keep all communication confidential that tended to be a right awarded only to her actual patients. She and the musician seemed to be on good terms - what with the woman saving the vampire's mate and all - but the not-an-actual-princess was all about facts and answers, and may not understand or even care about the political and personal ramifications of a thoughtless answer.
"The village peeps said they saw a big bat or bird thing reign fire from the sky. They said it wrecked the place up. The ground, the buildings, them… pretty much everything. Said it happened really fast, too. When we got here nobody thought they got a good look at it." Thank crud it was dark out.
The faux-princess let out a low whistle, rapidly scribbling on her clipboard. "Woah nelly. Whatever it was did a real number on this place." She peeked over the clipboard, raising an eyebrow. "Are you certain they said it was fire?"
Jake shrugged, not about to argue with Finn's story. He was in too deep. It wasn't the first time, and he knew how to deal with the fuzz. Or… doctor fuzz. Who was probably not a real person, because how messed up would that be? "That's what everyone said we talked to 'em. Why?"
If Doctor Princess noticed the slight nervousness in his voice she gave no indication. Instead she made only a non-committal 'hm', scribbling rapidly before ceasing entirely. "And the ground was like this as well following this incident?" Both heroes nodded. More scribbling. "I've seen lots of burns and fire-related injuries in my time, and while I do not claim to be an expert in conflagration I've never seen fire cause damage like this, especially so rapidly. Burns are often asymmetrical, but the injuries I've seen so far appear to have been made by something more akin to an explosion, or at least intense fire focused and delivered at a close range." Both stared at her blankly and she sighed. "These are strange wounds."
Oh yeah. Totes. Two questions remained, both difficult to ask, harder to have answered. "Was anyone… uh…" Finn scratched the back of his head. "Are they…"
"No one's dead though, right?"
The pseudo-princess returned to her notes, flipping through her past observations as Finn glared at Jake for his bluntness. Dude! You can't just ask stuff like that! It's messed up!
Evidently, not to the woman who, by some miracle, shook her head. "No. There were no casualties. However, many of my patients will require treatment beyond what I can reasonably provide here."
Finn brightened. It was the first good he had received news in a long time. "Oh yeah! When we gave Princess Bubblegum the heads up that there was an accident in the Grasslands she said you could use all her stuff to treat these guys. We were gonna see her to give her a status report."
He had expected her to question the princess's generosity towards an area of land not legally under her domain that she rarely ventured into for anything but pleasure. Instead she only nodded thoughtfully, flipping to a new sheet of paper. "Yes, her facilities will be adequate for their care and rehabilitation."
Jake tilted his head. "Uh… rehabilitation?"
"Mm," she nodded, eyes not leaving her notes as she flipped through them. "Although there are no casualties that I have identified many of my patients have suffered extensive and grievous wounds, including requiring the reattachment of the limbs we could locate. As for those with injuries that cannot be restored fully…," she trailed off, seemingly to take stock of how many victims that description represented. "They will require immediate treatment to prevent further damage, as well as physical therapy to teach them to reach a new normal in terms of life quality."
Finn knew it would be bad, but hearing it out loud caused his stomach to sour, caused bile to reach the back of his throat, caused his head and heart to ache and for one brief, horrible moment he found himself… well, not blaming Marceline per se, but acknowledging beyond all doubt that if she hadn't had a panic attack, or had she not chosen that specific route, these poor souls would be fine. And then he blamed himself, because it had been his idea to show her the kitchen. He hadn't even considered how she might react to The Door, the room a significant portion of her had been tortured in for years. He had just jumped ahead and acted without thinking. I'm not cleaning up Marce's mess. I'm cleaning up mine. He almost asked how many citizens were in the 'maimed forever' category, but a reassuring paw on his shoulder stopped him. Jake's right. Not now.
Oblivious to Finn's inner turmoil Doctor Princess snapped her pen closed. "This conversation will have to be continued at the Candy Kingdom's medical facilities. While I do wish to continue to exchange information my duty is, first and foremost, to my patients. They require care, and I can only do so much here."
Finn's second important question would have to wait. "Yeah, you're right. We're gonna head to the Candy Kingdom and get help. We might not make it back before they do, so we'll meet you there, okay?"
Doctor Princess gave one more non-committal 'hm', then nodded. "Yes, that's fine. Unless the Candy Kingdom's advanced medical facilities indicate an otherwise cause I will treat these injuries as burn wounds, based on patient description. I trust you are going to search for the creature they described in their report?" It was an entirely rhetorical question. Which was great, really, because that meant she didn't get to see either hero's nervous look, and was oblivious to their anxious cough. That they had no answer to offer except generic reassurances. That would work, right? "Yup, we're gonna brief the princess, then hunt it down and beat its face in with its own face! Shouldn't be too hard to find a giant bird or bat or whatevs thing." Generic reassurance that it was, the guilt still pierced his heart.
That reassuring paw gave a reassuring squeeze.
Doctor Princess bobbed her head, then turned back towards the direction of her patients. "Before you ask, once they're stabilized you may speak with them. Until then, they're off limits."
Finn blinked. Guess my second question was answered after all. Freaky. "Thanks, doc. We're gonna head over there now and get help."
"See you at the castle!" This time when Jake picked Finn up his brother was ready, relieved even. Especially when he took off for the castle at top speed. Which, when you're 10 times your normal size, it quite fast indeed. "Alright Finn. Bubblegum's probably still busy with Marce, right?"
He hadn't considered that. Way to hero. And… way to friend-
"Dude, stop." Finn looked down, but otherwise didn't acknowledge his brother's sigh. "I know what's goin' through your mind right now. I can smell it, and I know those looks you're shooting off. Look man, we were all there, even Bubblegum, and she's known Marce for like a billion years. We all shoulda known that the kitchen was a no-vampire land, but none of us coulda thought she'd react like this. You gotta stop all this self-doubt. I see it in your eyes, brother. It's not helpin' the peeps, or Marce, or anything else."
The boy fell silent, considering those words. But Jake's weren't the only words he was considering.
You don't get it, do you? The only reason anyone does anything is out of selfishness, and you two are no different, even if you want to pretend you are. You're just like me, Finnberly, even if you want to sit on Percy and kid otherwise. You play the hero because being needed is addictive. There's no such thing as doing things just because you care. You say you wanna take us home, but that's not what I want, which means it's all about you, isn't it? You and Jake and Bubblegum, when it should be about us. You're not doing this for any other reason than our rockin' presence makes your life more awesome.
Had Linke been right? Had Usurper been right? "I didn't think about what could happen her, Jake. I just cared that she was back-"
"Dude. Stop. I know what you're doin'. You can't go down that road. You wanted to make her happy. This time it backfired, but she's gonna be okay."
"She didn't exactly look okay the cabin."
"So? She's gonna get better, Finn. You can't trip yourself up everytime somethin' like this happens. 'Sides, what happens if you stop now? You really think she's gonna get over this on her own? If it wasn't for us she'd still be in the Nightosphere pretending nothing's wrong. Not healthy, Finn. Just like this isn't healthy."
"But what if we have to stop her?"
"Then we stop her by helping her."
Finn fell silent, amazed by Jake's logic. Not just because of how iron-clad it was, but because it was coming from Jake, the same guy who only a few years ago had been all-too happy to accidentally lead an angry mob against their ladybro. Time flies, huh.
"How 'bout this? Once Marce calms down you two can talk about it. Bubblegum messed up too, but she took her right back to the castle, even after everything Marce just did. That's what being a hero's all about, Finn. Anyone can suck it up and protect and whatever. We're heroes 'cause we'll do what no one else wants to. No way anyone else except us wants to be anywhere near Marceline right now. Not even her."
That slammed on the mental breaks, his self-doubt and guilt crashing, falling to pieces around him. "Wait… what?"
Jake shrugged. "Think about it. If you just did all the stuff she did would you wanna be you right now?" There was no answer. "Ya gotta stop looking at it like you took something good and made it bad. It's the opposite. You took something bad and we showed her she can't get rid of us if she tries."
"But-"
"Hey, Marce doesn't do anything she wants to do, just like you'll always do what you have to do. She came back on her own, 'cause we asked. I mean… we asked a lot, but you know. Remember what Billy told you? Heroes solve problems, and you're solving lots of problems right now. Making our ladybro better, helping all those peeps get healed, trying to investigate this Lich thing. You can't get hung up on the little stuff. Big picture, man."
Big picture, huh? "...Thanks, Jake. I needed that."
"Yeah, I'm pretty great." The boy could feel the smirk, even while staring at the Grasslands, watching the scenery give way back to the natural beauty of his homeland. Soon even that changed as well, becoming somewhere stone. Somewhere familiar.
"Uh… Jake?"
"Gonna make a quick pit-stop!"
Exactly why his brother had brought him back to Marceline's house was beyond the human, but there he was, being delivered to the scene of the second crime. Or… the first crime, as it were. Sure, they had been instructed by Princess Bubblegum to investigate this area as well, but given the pressing matter of the victims' injuries now hardly seemed to be the time. "Uh… Jake? We really gotta-" And then his brother let out a long whistle, there was four heartbeats worth of silence, a familiar face bounded to them. A familiar, furry face. Oh. Schwabl. That's actually a really good idea.
Both dogs stared at one another, unblinking, unmoving. Then, suddenly, the zombie poodle bounded onto Jake's outstretched paw and was gracefully placed in Finn's lap for safekeeping. "I figure Marce is gonna want the little guy. She's probably freaking out about wrecking her house, gonna wanna know he's safe."
There was probably more from the house they should grab, but now was not the time. We can always come back after we give P-bubble the what up. Finn nodded, looking down at the dog, who seemed rather anxious. "Hey, don't worry little guy. We're gonna go find your person right now!" Schwabl stopped then, almost as if he understood every word Finn was saying. Then he plopped down, tense, watching as Jake left the cave the small dog knew as home. He knew the Grasslands, having lived in the Tree Fort and the Tree Fort's predecessor for many years, but as he watched the tall trees becoming thinner and white, the green leaves becoming poofy and pink, the lush grass becoming soft and yellow. It wasn't long before the Kingdom's outer border came into view, the tangerine-colored road passing through the orchard, some already picked clean, some with juvenile apples not yet ready to leave home.
Finn hadn't expected to feel such relief at the sight of the untainted Candy Kingdom castle. True, he had already been there since returning to Ooo proper, but it had yet to cease being such a comforting view. Neddy's currant-red river was rich, the moat absolutely full of the life-giving juice the kingdom so relied on. The soft pink walls were uncracked, proud and tall. The flourish below the windows - which were actual windows this time - was unbroken and a bright orange. This time it was easy to see that the cupcake-shaped entranceway was actually cupcake-shaped, what with its pink frosting and purple* gumdrops outlining the top, with plenty of sprinkles for good measure.
The apricot spires stood uncracked and in one piece, flags waving the Kingdom's triumph. The Kingdom's mechanical guardians sat against them, blissfully blowing bubbles without a care in the world, though Finn imagined that they had been instructed to be extra-vigilant. With any luck Princess Bubblegum had someone precious with her that needed the protection. Most important, though, Kingdom's red striped tree was still growing straight through the castle's middle connecting the princess's rooms under the shaded protected of the white fluff that crowned the castle, a testament to the might of the Kingdom, the unbowed of its ruler.
The drawbridge connected the land to the castle, welcoming their entrance. As was Peppermint Butler, who watched them with a passive, unamused expression. As was his norm. Hands behind his back he waited in the castle's entryway, suit and tie as spotless as always. Two things were obvious: he had been expecting them for so long that he had already grown bored and that he had news he knew they wanted and if they wanted it they could very well come get it themselves because he was a very busy mint, thank you very much.
Normally the brothers - specifically Jake - would already be making jokes at his expense, but not today. No, today was too grave, and when he shrunk down to cross the drawbridge with nary a quip the butler raised an eyebrow. "I trust your investigation was successful?"
That's one way of putting it. "We called Doctor Princess. She's gonna need reinforcements, and she needs to bring them here to help 'em all. She said can't do a lot in the field, so she needs PB's equipment." Peppermint Butler gave a heartfelt sigh but, oddly enough, gave no sarcastic remark. Or any remark at all, really, even one admonishing the vampire for her behavior in the privacy of the princess not being within earshot. "I will send guards at once to collect them. Where was the most damage?"
"Cube Village, Soft Village, and Mushroom Village. No one got killed, but a lot are really bad off." There was no softening what came next, but Finn tried anyway by softening his voice. "Peebo's gonna wanna see what we got for her, but the short version is that Marceline really did a number on the place. Ground is, like… scorched and there are a lot of peeps hurt. Doc Prin wouldn't let us talk to them yet, but… they're in a bad way. Marce shouldn't see this." Yet again, no disparaging remark or sarcasm of any kind. Instead the candy man only held out his hand expectantly, and Finn obediently handed it over.
To his credit, Peppermint Butler held his composure for an impressive amount of time, but even he wasn't amused to the sight of the sheer destruction and extent of the injuries Finn had managed to document, and Jake's phone only added to his growing horror. "...Oh dear." He returned the phones, no longer caring to peruse their contents. "Yes. It's for the best that Miss Abadeer not be made aware of those images."
"Yeah." A deep pause. "How… uh… how is she?" His look said more than words could, and Finn felt his heart drop into his stomach to be eaten alive. "We should meet PB in the throne room. No candy people are allowed there, right?"
The mint nodded. "Yes. Unless she is within it, and without her express permission, the throne room is off-limits. Privacy should be assured there." And with that he turned, a silent beckon for the champions to follow him. Evidently, the Kingdom's regent had the authority to grant permission. Or maybe these were just extenuating circumstances, a situation so charged and so strained the normal rules didn't apply, at least to the brothers.
When they reached the entryway to the throne room the situation abruptly became even more charged. "Oh dear." With eyes wide, Peppermint Butler cleared his throat nervously, then turned on his heel towards his liege's rooms. "You stay here, I'll be back in a flash with Her Majesty!" There was no room for argument, not that he'd hear one anyway, because the situation had suddenly gotten a lot worse, and it was going to get worse still. By the time he was up the short flight of stairs and down the hall - almost skidding on the royal purple carpet in his haste- I must have that cleaned immediately -he had lost all composure, hadn't even noticed the small dog following him; the pet knew from experience that where Bonnibel was Marceline wasn't far behind. Peppermint Butler finding his composure again was the worst sort of treasure hunt, but duty called. Though he could hide how out of breath he couldn't hide his nervousness. With another clear of his throat he knocked on the bedroom door. Once it opened he spoke in a hushed whisper.
"Your Highness, Finn and Jake have returned. And they brought-" A small white puff bolted passed the butler, and after a happy exclamation of 'Schwabl!' the two were left alone again. "Yes. That." He couldn't see the vampire, but found himself strangely relieved that she sounded in better condition than when he last saw her.
The princess raised an eyebrow, matching his hushed tone. "They are more than welcome to join us here-"
Now he seemed even more distressed, eyes darting to the tiny bat being licked by a tiny-but-still-bigger-dog. "They, ah… wish for you to join them in the throne room." There was absolutely no reason to explain why that was. She would never come otherwise. Bonnibel stared at him, engaging in a silent but important conversation. When she nodded it was both an acknowledgement and dismissal. He was all-too happy to accept it, swiftly returning to the throne room's entrance. "She will arrive immediately. Let's, ah… let her enter first, shall we? I will call for you once she is settled." And then he fled that location as well, sliding into the throne room through the main entrance. It wasn't long before his ruler entered through the private doorway, who was trying to shake the memory of doing exactly this when confronting the Usurper for the first time.
"Pep, why do they wish to meet in the throne room?"
He cleared his throat once more, nervousness intensifying. He knew that tone of voice, something Marceline once called her Most Royal Voice. Somehow, within just the few minutes since he last saw her, the princess had lost her warm demeanor. Maybe her crown had banished it away. "They have news regarding the state of the Grasslands, and it was decided that it is best Miss Abadeer not be made aware of it." Their eyes met then, and he almost squirmed.
"Is that the only reason, Pep?"
It was hard to look her in the eyes then. They really were piercing, as if she could see into his very soul. After all, for all he knew she built the thing. "There's, ah… a guest for you. I thought the throne room was the best choice to receive her."
It was the way he emphasized 'her', the way his eyes darted to the main entry-way's massive door, the way he seemed keen to leave as soon as possible that told Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum everything she needed to know. "Send her in, with Finn and Jake."
"Back in a flash!" And then he strolled off, composure regained. After all, his behavior was a reflection of his matriarch, and he would allow the vampire to drain his stripes before he would ever act in a way that suggested she was an ineffective ruler. As he left Princess Bubblegum followed him, lowering herself with every bit of grace, sitting with every bit of authority afforded by her station and centuries of rule. By the time the door opened once more, by the time Finn and Jake entered sheepishly, eyes averted, the immortal had lost all of the warm fuzzy heartgut feelings so inspired by her mate and didn't even register as both kneeled before her. Right now she was the last thing she needed because Bonnibel Bubblegum had had a plan: cancel all appointments, convince the half-demon to eat, take stock of her wounds, maybe pamper her to demonstrate how safe and loved she was.
What was the pre-War expression about the plans of mice and men?
And then Peppermint Butler appeared, trailing after her champions, one more guest in tail. He cleared his throat, hands rested behind his back, then spoke with the authority befitting his station. "Princess Bubblegum, I present Flame Princess Phoebe, of the Fire Kingdom." And there she was, in all of her glory. Through centuries of experience the candy golem successfully hide her bristle, controlled herself to not glare at the fire elemental's self-satisfied smile. The two monarchs stared at one another, an equal challenge, for it is always prey who deflects from the predator. Without dropping her stare- "Thank you, Peppermint Butler. You may leave us." He nodded, turning towards the exit. Until-
"And Pep-But?"
He turned to her, hand on the wooden escape-route, so close but so far. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
"...Close the door."