Two days later.
Fitz, with Olivia's hand wrapped around his shoulder, helped her to walk slowly to the couch. He rested her lightly against the cushion and then dropped her hospital bag by her feet. Trevor came in seconds later with with Lily sleeping quietly in her carseat.
"There," Olivia said, pointing to the coffee table in front of her.
Trevor placed the carseat on the table gently and then stepped out of the way.
"I'll be outside the door," Trevor said as he walked to the foyer.
"You can go home for the night," Fitz said. It was almost 8pm.
Fitz walked to the kitchen and washed his hands and then sat on the sofa beside Olivia, who was looking through her hospital bag.
"What are you looking for he asked?"
"My medicine."
"Okay, do you want me to take her to her nursery?"
"Yes, thank you, I'll be right behind you."
"Can you walk?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'll just take my time."
"Okay."
Fitz unlocked the strap on the car seat and pulled the handle back and then lifted a sleeping Lily into his arms and cradled her.
"Hey, my sweet baby," he whispered.
Lily briefly opened her grey-blue eyes and then closed them. The nurse told them that her eye color would get more pigment in the months to come.
Olivia got up slowly from the couch. Even though she was on pain medication, she still felt extremely sore and she also didn't expect to have such a hard time using the bathroom after giving birth, just the thought of having to pee caused her unease and discomfort due to the vaginal tears.
She walked to the kitchen and washed her hands and then took her time walking up the steps to Lily's nursery. When she arrived, she saw Fitz standing over the crib, staring at Lily, smiling.
"How is she?" Olivia asked.
"I tried to take the pacifier from her but she wouldn't let it go," he replied, still staring a Lily, who was laying on her back in her pink onesie with her pink pacifier. He ran his index finger across feathery brown hair.
"What bathroom should I use?" he asked.
"Downstairs," she responded.
While at the hospital, he had Megan, his assistant, drop off quite a few of his clothes at the apartment when he realized that there was no way that he was going to be away from Lily once they left the hospital. There were alot of things he didn't even know he needed to consider before Lily was born, now he was figuring it out it as they went.
"What time does the baby nurse come tomorrow?"
"9, I think," Olivia responded.
"Okay, well, she's asleep so I'm gonna go grab a shower."
Olivia nodded, "okay, I'll be here, I think she'll wake soon."
"Alright."
Olivia didn't know where they stood now that she'd given birth. He was being helpful, extremely helpful, but not as intimate and affectionate as he'd been during labor and that both saddened and disappointed her but she also didn't think he'd come around so easily, in that sense, she wasn't surprised, however he went far and beyond what she expected him to be as a father even though it had only been a few days.
She walked over to the crib and stared down at Lily, "hey love," she said with a smile. "let's get your monitor setup."
She turned on the camera inside the mobile over the crib and then checked the feed on the app on her phone. She had a few other cameras in the room that she turned on, all of which she could stream to her phone. Once she was done, she took the baby monitor and went back to the living room to grab her hospital bag and unpack her things in her bedroom. Afterwards, she took a big blanket and some of her pillows and brought it back down the couch in the living room where Fitz would be sleeping. She wasn't really comfortable with him sleeping on her couch because it was so open but the only other option was her bedroom since her other two spare rooms were turned into Lily's nursery and a storage room for her fabrics and sewing tools. Fitz insisted on sleeping on the couch and so she obliged. She spread the blanket over the couch and rested the pillows near the arm rest where his head would go.
As she was finishing up on the couch, Fitz emerged from hallway, naked, except for the towel tied around his waist.
"Do you know where my stuff is?" he asked, "I feel like I probably should've figured this out before I went to go bathe."
Olivia turned around to the sound of his voice.
"Um," she scratched her temple, she'd just given birth, her vagina was just beginning to heal, some parts numb, some parts painful, and she could barely pee straight, the last thing she wanted to see was him naked, no matter how good he looked. "I actually forgot to ask Natalia where she put it but it's probably in your bathroom, there's a closet to the side."
The three scars on his chest that he'd acquired during their time stranded in Indonesia were almost in invisible, which meant he'd been removing them by laser treatment.
"Alright thanks, I'll check."
As he turned around and walked back to the bathroom, she noticed a fresh scar across his back. Fresh in the sense that, it wasn't there the last time she'd seen him naked, though the scar itself, had been there long enough to have healed fully. The wound was definitely a knife wound and it ran slant across his back.
She turned around quickly, she didn't want him to feel her staring or know she saw it or maybe he didn't care if she saw it, after all, he was shirtless.
Seeing the wound got her thinking about how he could've come by it. She thought that maybe he got it during a mission but it wouldn't make sense because he usually wore way too much armor for someone to get a knife close enough to injure him. The more she thought about it, the more she began to wonder why he really left the deltas, which she'd never really understood. She knew how much he loved, maybe not loved, but he was certainly comfortable heading the deltas, he felt like it was what he was meant to do in his life, he told her so himself, so she was puzzled when she'd initially found out he left to go and run his father's company, it didn't seem like him.
She thought about the wound, it was long and seemed to have been deep, a plain knife couldn't have possibly cause an injury like that, it had to have been some sort of dagger or even more likely a sword. Akio was the only person she knew to use a sword, more specifically, a very sharp katana.
She shook her head, the thought was ridiculous. "Akio would never hurt him," she said to herself.
But something still didn't feel right. If everything was okay, why did he leave? The answer was obvious: he'd left because of her but she didn't want to admit that.
As she stood in the livingroom, Lily began to fuss on the monitor. She grabbed the monitor and her phone and went back to the nursery. She quickly walked to the crib and picked her up, resting her against her chest as she hushed her. Lily had the tendency to shake, frantically as she cried, which was unsettling to Olivia at first, but the nurse told her it was nothing to worry about.
"Hey my little Lily flower, it's okay, you're hungry? Mum's gonna feed you right now," she cooed.
She walked over to the rocking armchair with Lily and sat down. She position her in her arms and then pulled down her shirt and slipped her breast into Lily's mouth and once she stopped crying and began drinking, Olivia relaxed into chair and rocked back and forth slowly as Lily fed with her eyes closed.
"Did I hear Lily crying," Fitz said as he walked into the nursery.
"Yeah, she just woke up, she was hungry."
"Oh, I figured, she's been sleeping for a while."
He walked over to her and stood by the window.
"Lucky's flying over tomorrow to see Lily. He's thinks he's her godfather, just don't argue with him about it, he'll shut up."
"Alright, how's he been though?"
"Good, he's actually at the company now."
"He works at your company?"
"Yeah, he just started, he loves it, it'll fade."
"What does he do?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out, I just made a title up and gave it to him."
After a few minutes, Olivia switched Lily over to the other breast and after Lily had her fill, she fell asleep with Olivia's nipple in her mouth. Once Olivia realized she was sleeping, she pulled her breast from Lily's mouth and wiped the milk from her chin then laid her against her chest and burped her. After Lily burped, she got up and laid her in the crib on her back.
"Fitz, can I show you something?"
"Yeah sure," he said as he walked to the crib.
"There's a camera in her mobile, and you can stream the footage on your phone, there's an app and you sign in on my account and you can see everything."
"What app?"
"I can text you the link to download it on your phone."
"Okay, that's actually a really great idea."
"Do you think she's hot, in this long sleeve onesie?" Olivia asked.
"No, she's fine, plus I read somewhere that newborns get cold quickly or did I read that they get hot quickly? I don't remember but she looks comfortable."
"Do you think she's going to be alright, in here, by herself?" Olivia asked.
"I'm gonna hang out here with her, she'll be fine and we also have the monitor."
"I know but it feels weird having her stay in here, I feel like she's too young, I'd rather have her in my bedroom."
"I'm gonna stay with her tonight and I'll wake you when she's hungry or crying and tomorrow we can move her crib into your room and she can stay there."
"Alright," she said with a nod, "in any case, I don't think I'll be able to get much sleep tonight."
Fitz nodded but didn't reply as Olivia headed for the door. He turned his attention to Lily and didn't realize when she stopped and turned around.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Huh?" Fitz said as he looked up.
"I'd like to ask you something?"
Fitz nodded.
"Earlier, when you came out of the bathroom, I saw your back, you had a scar that I'd never seen before, where did you get it?"
"Olivia it's really none of your business."
"It's just a question?" she responded.
"Why were you on antidepressants?"
She didn't answer immediately.
"I just thought that after everything we've been through, with labor, we'd get along better."
"Just because I don't answer one question, doesn't mean we aren't getting along," he responded.
She turned with only a nod in response and walked through the door to her bathroom and closed the door behind her. She turned on the faucet in the tub and set the water warm, she didn't plug the tub because she needed running water. Before she got in the tub, she washed her face and brushed her teeth and then she stripped naked and stepped into the tub quickly so as not to bleed onto the floor after she took her pad off. She'd never bled so much before and she would have been concerned if the doctor hadn't told her it was completely normal so soon after giving birth.
She soaked in the warm running water for a few minutes before she washed off, got out and dressed herself and then went down to the kitchen for an ice pack to put in between her legs to help with the soreness. Before she went back to her bedroom, she stopped in the nursery to check on Fitz and Lily, to find them both sound asleep, Lily in her crib, Fitz on the rocking chair with his feet kicked up on the ottoman. Seeing that they were both okay, she went back to her room with the monitor and laid in bed with the ice pack wrapped in a thin piece of cloth in between her legs until she dozed off.
By 6:30am the following morning, Lily was awake. She woke twice after Olivia had put her to bed at around 9pm for milk but she otherwise slept peacefully. When Olivia walked to the nursery, Fitz was already there, hushing Lily by the crib
"Morning Rose bud," Fitz said, he'd gotten there moments before Olivia.
"How long has she been up?" Olivia asked.
"Not long, I just heard her on the monitor-" Fitz got sidetracked as he lifted her from the crib, "She's so light, I feel like I'm holding a shoe or maybe like a bottle of soda, that's what she feels like?"
"What?" Olivia said confused, "she weighed six and a half pounds, that's wee bit more than a bottle of soda, try pushing that out."
"I can only imagine," Fitz said with a chuckle as he rested her against his chest, "morning bud."
Lily looked unimpressed as she pouted and looked at him with semi open eyes.
"Oh god, look at her face," he said to Olivia. "Come look, she looks really annoyed."
Olivia walked over to Fitz to see Lily and smiled when she saw her face.
"She looks really mad, she's definitely ready for her milk."
"You want to feed her, I'll get her bath ready and her diaper and clothes and stuff."
Olivia gently took her from Fitz's arms. "Thanks."
She sat on the rocking chair as she fed Lily, Fitz pulled out a long sleeve onesie from her drawer with socks and diaper to dress her once she finished her sponge bath and then he went to Olivia's bathroom down the hall and gauge the water for her baby bathtub.
Once he was done, he brushed his teeth in his bathroom downstairs and then walked back to the nursery.
"Whenever you're ready, the bath is set."
"Okay, she just finishing up on this boob, she has one more to go. She's a slow drinker."
Fitz decided to wait by the changing table as he tried to think of anything else he needed to do.
"She doesn't have a towel, for when she's finished her shower-not shower, bath, she's three days old she can't shower, but I should get her a towel," Fitz said, thinking out loud.
"Yeah, she'll need a receiving blanket," Olivia said.
Fitz looked through the drawer for a receiver and brought it to the bathroom and then went back to the nursery.
"She pooped," Olivia said. She was still feeding her.
"Can I try to change her this time?"
"Sure."
When Olivia finished breastfeeding Lily, she brought her over to the changing table. Fitz pulled off her socks and unpinned her onesie and then he opened her diaper.
"Wow, look at me, changing a newborn's diaper," he announced proudly.
"You're doing good," Olivia said.
"I'm a good student, what can I say."
"Oh, get over yourself," Olivia joked.
Fitz lifted Lily's legs and used the wipes to clean her up and once he was done, Olivia took her onesie completely off and threw out the diaper then they took her to bathroom and gave her a light sponge bath together.
By 8am, Lily was bathed, fed and lying quietly in her swing with her pacifier, Olivia had showered and brushed her teeth while Fitz watched Lily and once she was done he went outside to buy them breakfast. She also waited on the baby nurse to arrive, though now she was wondering just how much she would need a baby nurse, they'd been doing fine so far.
Under usual circumstances, her staff would come at 9am but today only Natalia would come to the apartment. Marita, Margaret, Simone and George (her newest assistant) would be at the showroom. Over the course of the past two weeks, they delivered a few of the dresses and materials they were working on to the showroom which is where they would be working for at least a few weeks. Olivia wanted to get them out of the house because Lily was so young and it worked out perfectly since Fitz was going to be staying at the apartment.
As she sat on the couch with Lily, her cell phone rang, it was Fitz.
"Hello?"
"Uh...you said you wanted what?"
"Bacon and eggs with alot of pancake syrup on it."
"Oh yeah, that's what it was, okay, anything else?"
"Um, oh, belgian waffles, with whipped cream and strawberries and maybe blueberries, if not, it's okay."
"Okay, that sounds more like you," Fitz said as he hung up.
Olivia hung up as well and rested her phone on the coffee table. She looked over at Lily, who was staring up at her curiously from her swing.
"Look at you, my little Lily flower," Olivia leaned over and pulled Lily's pacifier from her mouth. Lily just stared at her, "you're gonna be just like your father, aren't you?"
She slipped the pacifier back in her mouth and kissed her on the forehead.
"I love you so much," Olivia said with a smile as if Lily could understand her.
She walked to her bedroom to grab her laptop and then went back to the couch to sit and reply to emails.
Half an hour later, Fitz was walking down the hall to Olivia's apartment with two bags of breakfast food.
He was feeling uncomfortable about their talk the night before. He felt like he might have come off more hostile than he intended even though he still had no intention of telling her about his scar. Lily was only three days old and he was trying to figure out how to navigate the boundaries of their relationship, ex-lovers with a very complicated past but parents of a child, he needed to find a happy place, a comfortable place, where they could both function without awkwardness or farce.
He opened the door with his key and headed straight to the living room where he found Olivia on the couch. He walked over and placed the food on the coffee table.
"Thank you," Olivia said.
"Don't worry about it." he turned to Lily, "hey buddy."
"Which one is mine?" Olivia asked.
"I'm pretty sure I got them mixed up, just check inside."
Olivia looked inside one of the bags and saw waffles in a clear top container, that was hers. She handed Fitz the other bag as he sat on the other side of the couch.
Olivia opened her plate and dug in. Fitz watched her eat for a while before he spoke.
"So, we're okay right, after last night."
Olivia stopped eating and licked the whipped cream from her top lip, "yeah."
"I want us to be good, I hope I didn't come off too...curt."
"We're good."
"Great," he replied.
Fitz nodded and leaned back in his chair and began eating.
"So does this mean you're going to tell me where you got that scar?" Olivia said, trying to push her luck for an answer.
"Why is it such a big deal to you?"
Olivia sighed, "I don't know, I just, I can't help but think…whatever...it doesn't matter, you're not going to tell me so it makes no sense to speculate."
Fitz didn't have to think very hard before he got what she was struggling to say out loud.
"I got the scar in a fight on a mission. I get in fights all the time, this is no different."
Nothing about his tone or demeanor led her to believe he was telling the truth but she decided not to push him because depending on how bad the truth was, maybe she didn't really want to know.
Fitz's cell phone rang, putting the conversation to a halt.
"Where are you?" Fitz said, answering the phone.
The doorbell chimed simultaneously. Olivia went to answer it, to find Natalia, Marita, Margaret and Simone standing in the doorway with gifts.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here, I thought you were suppose to be at the showroom, well, except for Natalia."
"Oh, we just wanted to drop these off for the baby and say congratulations," Marita said, speaking for everyone.
"Oh really, you shouldn't have."
"Don't be silly, of course we would," Natalia said.
Olivia stepped aside to let them in with their gifts.
"So, how is she doing?" Marita asked.
"She's such a good baby," Olivia said, "well, so far, I don't want to jinx it."
"Where is she?" Margaret asked.
"Living room with her father," Olivia answered, "you can go take a look. Wash your hands first of course."
They removed their shoes and rested the gifts on the kitchen counter then washed washed their hands and went to the living room.
"Oh my gosh, she's precious," Marita practically screamed and leaned down and kissed Lily on the cheek.
Fitz's mouth fell open in shock and horror.
"No-no-no- don't kiss her."
Olivia felt the same way and was glad she didn't have to say it.
Marita looked at him a little embarrassed, "I'm sorry, I just got so excited."
"I understand that, but just no kissing."
"Okay," Marita responded.
The mood in the room got a little somber as they took turns just waving to Lily and saying hi and then Olivia walked them back to the door.
"Thank you so much for coming," she said.
"No problem," Simone said as they headed out.
Olivia went back to the living room to find Fitz wiping Lily's cheek with a wet wipe and couldn't help but laugh.
"I can't believe she actually kissed her. Can you believe she actually kissed her," Fitz said incredulously.
"I know, that was...odd."
"Odd? You mean disgusting! I almost body slammed that poor lady just from shock."
The house phone rang. Natalia answered and then informed her that the baby nurse was on her way up. When the nurse came up, Natalia let her inside and led her to the bathroom to wash her hands and then brought her to Olivia and Fitz to begin the day.
By 1pm, Fitz went down to the lobby to get Lucky.
"Hey dad," Lucky greeted.
He was wearing a very well tailored suit, which almost made Fitz laugh because he'd never seen Lucky so well dressed before.
"Hey Lucky," Fitz said as he attempted to give him a half hug but Lucky pushed him off.
"Don't crease the suit man, this is a Tom Ford, three piece, two button, made in Italy," Lucky said as he stepped back, "but wait, let me ask you something: I look good, don't I? I'm wearing the hell outta this suit."
Fitz laughed and shook his head, "yeah, you look good."
"Yeah, I realized that when you walk around in a suit all day, people treat you different, it's actually been pretty great," Lucky said.
"Oh yeah?"
"I know but enough about me, how's the life of a parent?"
"Different," he replied as they walked to the elevator.
"Does she cry a lot?"
"No, she's actually a pretty good baby all though, I'm not sure what a bad baby is, but I heard Olivia say that earlier so I'm saying that now."
Lucky chuckled heartily, "wow, look at you in dad mode, you actually kinda look different."
"How?" Fitz asked as they stepped unto the elevator.
"Older," Lucky resplied.
"Fuck you," Fitz said with a chuckle.
They walked out of the elevator once it arrived on their floor and headed towards Olivia's apartment.
"Don't be weird," Fitz warned as they walked inside the apartment and kicked off their shoes.
As the walked from the foyer to the kitchen, they saw Olivia, Natalia and the baby nurse at the kitchen island.
"Hey Liv, it's good to see you," Lucky said.
"Hi Lucky," Olivia responded with a smile.
She was surprised when he walked over and gave her a hug, she was almost positive Fitz had told him negative things about her and she was expecting him to be at the very least-a little standoffish.
"Wait-so how is it that she gets a hug but you pushed me off?" Fitz asked, jokingly.
"Always about you huh? Where is my goddaughter?" Lucky replied.
"She's asleep in the nursery," Olivia responded.
"Let me take you to her," Fitz said.
"Cool," Lucky replied as he followed Fitz up the stairs, Olivia stayed downstairs with Natalia and the baby nurse because she didn't want to intrude on them.
Halfway up the steps Lucky realized Olivia wasn't following them.
"Isn't Liv coming?" he asked Fitz.
"I don't know, maybe she's talking to the baby nurse or something."
"Oh okay," Lucky said with a shrug.
They continued walking until they reached the nursery and Fitz led the way inside.
"There she is," Fitz said proudly as he stopped in front of the crib.
Olivia had wrapped Lily in her swaddle blanket for her nap.
"Holy shit, she looks just like Olivia, just like the in the pictures you sent me."
"I know, you can imagine how much fun that is for me."
"Have you changed a diaper?"
"Yeah, I learned how to do all that stuff at the hospital, by the way, the key to taking care of a baby is patience."
"And what about the crying, you said she's a good baby?"
"The only time she really cries is when she's hungry, when she's hungry, it's like she'll fucking tackle anyone that in between her and Olivia's nipple."
Lucky cackled and shook his head.
"You're stupid."
They spent a few minutes in the nursery before they went back downstairs to find Olivia on the couch working on a half-finished dress on a mannequin.
"Woah Liv, what are you doing?" Fitz asked as they walked over.
"I'm working."
"So soon, you gave birth four days ago."
"I know but I have clients and it's not like I'm running around, I'm just sitting here sewing and cutting and...so and so."
"Yeah but don't you have your staff to make the dresses?"
"I do but there are particular parts of the dress that I need to do myself, only because there's a certain way I envisioned it and sometimes I can't explain it so I like to do it myself to make sure it's exactly as I planned."
Fitz shrugged, "okay well..I know I'm not a fashion expert but it's nice."
Olivia smiled, "thanks."
Fitz phone rang, it was Megan.
"Sorry, let me take this," he said as he stepped off. Lucky sat on the couch, opposite Olivia.
"She's a cutie by the way, muy linda."
"Thank you, she takes after her father."
"No, she actually looks just like you."
"Okay, I admit that," Olivia said with a smile, "but she has her father's eyes."
Lucky stayed at the apartment until a little after 5pm when he began preparing to leave. Fitz spent the evening on and off the phone dealing with an unforeseen work issue.
The same pesky question about Fitz's back had been bothering her and she figured if Fitz wasn't going to tell her, maybe Lucky would so while Fitz was in the kitchen on the phone, she saw her opening.
"Can I ask you something?" she said.
"Sure, what's up."
"How's Fitz been? The last few months?"
"Why do you ask? Is he being weird?" Lucky asked.
"Well...no, I was just worried about him."
"He's fine," Lucky said as he stood up, "He's tough! How are you? Are you good?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Yeah well, I'm gonna get out of here 'cause Fitz is never gonna get off the phone and I'm tired of waiting." He leaned over to Lily in her swing. "I'll see you in Cali in a few weeks mi amor," he said to Lily who looked at him with curious eyes, the way she did with everyone.
"Bye Liv," he said to Olivia again.
"Bye," Olivia said with a wave of her hand.
Lucky walked to the kitchen to wait for Fitz and then once Fitz got off his call, Fitz walked him down to his driver.
It was just after midnight, when Fitz walked to Olivia's bedroom, where Lily was now sleeping.
Olivia was standing by the bassinet, in the the mostly silent, dimly lit room. He'd heard crying on the baby monitor but it most certainly wasn't Lily.
"Liv?" he called from the doorway of her bedroom.
She wiped her eye with her shirt sleeve.
"Olivia what's going on?"
"Nothing."
He walked over to her by the bassinet..
"Hey, what's going on?"
"Nothing, I'm fine," she said, wiping her eyes.
"Olivia, come on..you're crying, obviously you're not fine."
"No, I am, I'm fine."
Fitz, was now inches away from her by the bassinet, he rested her arm over her shoulder and tried to console her.
"Come on, talk to me."
She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself for feeling utterly ridiculous.
"I don't know, I just thought that now that she's here, maybe I wouldn't feel so sad all the time."
"What?"
She wiped her eyes, "I think everyone makes it seem as if a baby fills your world with complete and utter joy and makes you feel whole and it doesn't...because as happy as I am that she's here and as much as I love her, I can't help but feel...overwhelmed because no matter how much joy or love I feel, it's all overshadowed by a feeling sadness and dread."
She look up at Fitz who looked like he was putting pieces of a puzzle together in his head and she took it to mean that he might cynical or confused.
"When did the doctor prescribe you antidepressants for this?" he asked.
She wasn't sure where she expected the conversation to go but now she didn't feel comfortable.
"I'm sorry, you can imagine just how silly I feel talking about this."
"Why?"
"You know why."
"You're gonna have to find a way to let go of this, you can't be stuck in a perpetual state of dread forever because of what happened, and yes, I wish you would have told me about Scott, I really really wish you did, I think I would've had an easier time getting over all this if Scott made it out alive, but, it was Scott, you know, my only brother and so it was hard but we can't reverse time. Now if you want to talk about it and maybe get it off your chest because I know you don't really have anyone to talk to, not about this anyway, then I'm all ears but if not then we don't have to talk about it again." Fitz said, he knew that was what she wanted to hear.
"I-" the offer was a really good one but she was still hesitant, she didn't want to open up herself to him, just to be judged, even if he didn't do it on purpose.
She took a deep breath before she spoke.
"-I had a really hard time after everything that happened and- after you let me go, apart from all the guilt about everything, I was so afraid, I kept thinking that all the people I'd ever crossed were coming for me, it's happened before and I barely survived and this time I just felt even more vulnerable because I was pregnant,"she covered her face, embarrassed at herself.
"Liv, it's okay."
"I know, I know, I just feel so silly because I know how much my actions affected your life and no matter how hard a time I had after you let me go, I'm sure you had a worse time."
"You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings, I think- looking back I was very hard on you because I was so angry, even before everything happened I did and said things that were wrong and...I'm really sorry. I would never want anyone to do or say to Lily the things I did and said to you, no matter what justifications I thought I had to do it."
"Please don't apologize- you're gonna make me feel worse."
"I was wrong, the problem is that when you're just functioning on anger all the time, it's kind of hard to see how your actions affect other people."
"After everything I've done-"
"Olivia, I'm apologizing to you, just accept it."
She wasn't quite ready to accept his apology until she told him everything she'd done.
"I came to the base because my father and I made a deal that if I was able to help him take you down, then that would be my last job and of course he'd said that before and it never really turned out to be true but I agreed anyway. Throughout the entire time, I knew what needed to be done, whenever you'd do something that I thought was cruel or rude, I'd silently celebrate your demise and then whenever you surprised me or risked your life for me or someone else I'd wonder if I'd actually be able to do it." She paused. "It wasn't until after we had sex for the first time, I know it sounds cliche but we spent all that time on the island and I don't know, when we left that's probably when I realized that maybe I had affection for you, maybe it wasn't just attraction and I wouldn't be able to hurt in the way that I planned to, even when we fought or argued after that I knew that I couldn't do it and then when I found out I was pregnant I knew that I needed to talk to my father, I didn't know what I was going to say at the time, I just knew I had to find a way to convince him to stop. He killed Scott before I was able to get to him, that was my fault. After it happened, I was so afraid of what you'd do to me when you found out that I panicked and ran. I know it seems like it was some master plan, that I waited until Scott died to get away but it wasn',t I was just scared and I ran. I knew you'd find me eventually but I was hoping when you did, I'd be too pregnant for you to hurt me."
"Is that the reason you kept Lily?"
She nodded slowly, "I knew that if wasn't pregnant you wouldv'e killed me."
"And I would have regretted it for the rest of my life."
She smiled sadly at just how tragic their situation was but she was grateful for an honest conversation.
"I also knew that I wanted a different life, and once I started thinking about the possibility of my own child, my own family, I just couldn't let go of it so I was going to keep her no matter what."
Fitz nodded, "why did you lie to your father, after you left the base and went to D.C?"
"Because I knew you were going to go after him and I wanted him to lose."
"Why?"
"He threw me under the bus, he killed Scott and your father, he didn't tell me and he didn't care that I might be the one that had to face the consequences, I might be the one to get tortured or beaten or killed, he'd done it so many times before and I was just tired of it and I also didn't want him anywhere near my child so I did what I felt I had to do to protect myself and my daughter."
"How do you feel that I was the one that killed him?"
"I have to live with it, just like you have to live with it. I've always loved and hated my father with equal measure but I didn't expect to feel the way I felt after his death, I didn't expect to feel so guilty but it doesn't matter, I did what I had to do and so did you."
They stood quietly for for a while.
"Okay," she paused, "now that you know what I did, if you still want to apologize, I'll accept, if not, I'll understand."
"I'm still offering you my apology," Fitz said.
"I'll accept your apology if you tell me about your back."
He shrugged, "are you sure?"
She nodded.
"Okay, well," Fitz walked over to the bed and sat on the edge and then laid back and stared at the ceiling, Olivia followed and sat on the edge beside him.
"What happened?" she asked again.
"The deltas weren't very happy after I let you go, some of them were quiet about their discontent, other weren't so quiet but at the time I didn't really care because I wasn't going to stay."
"So you wanted to leave?" Olivia asked.
"No but I but I couldn't stay, apart from the fact that I was so embarrassed, everyone knew what happened, but my feelings aside, Scott might have been my brother but he was also a soldier under my watch, my ignorance led to his death so I wasn't fit to lead them anymore but I couldn't just leave, I needed to take care of a few things first before I resigned. During that time, things got bad, you know, I could see they'd lost respect for me and I couldn't really blame them for that, I expected that. What I didn't expect was that they'd completely turn against me. Not all but most. Led by Jake, turned out he hated me more than I knew."
"I knew how much he hated you, I tried to turn him against, I tried to make him hate you more."
"Well," Fitz said, swallowing the lump in his throat, he still felt some resentment, "he hated you too, threatened to go after you, to kill you after you left and I couldn't let that happen, you must've been about 3 maybe 4 months pregnant at the time, a sort of silent mutiny went on for a while until it finally came to a head and we fought, by then he'd turned half the deltas against me. As we were fighting, one of his guys came from behind and sliced my back open and then Akio joined the fight to help me and then one by one everyone picked a side until we were all fighting each other and-"
Fitz got cut off when Olivia got up and stormed off crying.
"Olivia?"
He got up and followed her and only a couple steps behind when she went into the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Olivia can you open the door."
She didn't respond but he could hear her crying.
"I didn't tell you this to make you feel guilty, I told you because- well I probably shouldn't have told you but you did ask."
He stood at the bathroom door for a few minutes hoping she'd open the door, he could hear the occasional sniffle and blow of the nose from behind the door.
"Lily's crying," he said after a while.
"No, she's not," Olivia answered.
"Yes, she is, you don't have the monitor so how do you know?"
Olivia sighed and unlocked the door. Once Fitz heard the lock click, he twisted the knob and open the door. Olivia was sitting on the floor with tissue in her hand.
"Lily's not crying, is she?"
"Nope, she's sleeping like a baby," Fitz responded and stooped beside her on the ground.
"Can I give you a hug," she asked.
Fitz leaned in so Olivia could hug him.
"I'm so sorry," she said as she leaned her head against his shoulder, "I don't know how to fix this but I'll make it up you."
Fitz eased back from the hug after a few moments.
"You went through 24 hours of labor to give birth to Lily, let's call it a truce," he offered then he helped her up from the floor.
"Are you good now, we can never speak about this again."
Olivia was doubtful that it would never come up again but she nodded in agreement.