look, i fell deep into oikawa tik tok and there is no escape. this is just a random crackfic based on everybody's favourite oikawa meme. spoilers ahead!

the curse of oikawa

"Papa!"

Tōru Oikawa bent down, physically preparing himself as a little dark-haired monster stormed down the hallway towards him. His son's wild hair was so reminiscent of his own that sometimes he wondered if he was actually just staring directly into the past.

He let out a low sound of surprise as the little boy collided with him, wasting no time in hugging him tightly as a pair of tiny arms wrapped around his neck. He adjusted his posture, kneeling on his bad knee as the boy pulled away. It hurt a little, but for his son he would suffer any amount of pain.

"How's my favourite little monster?" he cooed, ruffling the messy hair on his head in a way he knew the boy absolutely hated.

"I'm fine," his son said with a giggle, squirming out of his grasp and setting his hair back to its usual state. With the boy distracted, Tōru took the chance to scoop him up into his arms -there was only so much time before he got too big for it after all.

"Just fine, huh," he said as he made his way into the living room and settled onto the sofa. "Because I heard from your mother that you had a really exciting day at school today." A warm feeling spread through Tōru's chest as the little boy's eyes went wide with delight.

Where everything else about his son screamed 'mini Tōru Oikawa' from his hair to his mannerisms, the boy had inherited his mother's eyes and Tōru loved that he could see his wife in their child.

"I met a really cool Volleyball player today!"

"I hate to break it to you kid, but you already met when you were born," Tōru scoffed lightly.

"Not you papa," the boy giggled, clearly used to his father's self-centred jokes. "One who played for Japan in the Olympics!"

"The Olympics, huh," Tōru said, his interest piqued. He knew some of the current members of the Japanese Olympic team, and Iwaizumi was coaching them, so he couldn't help but wonder who had come to his son's school.

He knew that both Hinata and Kageyama were playing for them now, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't imagine Tobio giving a rousing speech to children that didn't end up with half of them in tears. And Shōyō would turn the entire school into a disaster zone worthy of the national news.

So who …?

"He was really cool, and I even got to play some volleyball with him."

"Oh, really. So what did this 'oh so cool Japanese volleyball player' think of the god tier skills you inherited from your Papa?" he asked, unable to mask the jealousy in his tone – not that his little boy noticed.

"He said I was amazing!"

"Too right you are. Didn't I tell you your pops was the best teacher around?!"

"Uhuh. He thinks I could be just as incredible as you are when I'm older."

"He said I was incredible?" Tōru said, slightly flattered at the compliment. Now he definitely knew it wasn't Kageyama.

"But to be the best, I have to make sure I keep practicing so I can go to Shiratorizawa just like he did."

"Shira … tori … zawa?"

Tōru's brain collapsed in on itself with that one name.

For a moment he completely forgot he was in the middle of a conversation with his son as a face that had tormented his waking days for years came to the forefront of his mind.

Wakatoshi Ushijima. One-time captain and ace for Shiratorizawa. All time nemesis of Tōru Oikawa.

Even now, Tōru could perfectly conjure up his haunting stoic face and that monotone voice, taunting him with back handed compliments.

'You should have come to Shiratorizawa…'

"Hey Papa, you should have gone to Shiratorizawa. Then you could have played for Japan in the Olympics too!" The little boy said, curling into him as he got distracted by the show he had been watching earlier on the television.

Tōru's blood was boiling. It wasn't enough for Ushijima to throw those words at him back in high school, now he was getting his own son to hit him with them. As if the fact that he had even spoken to the guy wasn't bad enough in itself, he now had to deal with second-hand taunts.

He needed to do something about this.

"Ya-ho, Iwa-chan!" Tōru called happily into his phone, voice too high for it to be anywhere close to genuine.

"No," Hajime responded instantly, his voice full of displeasure.

"What?" Tōru said innocently. "I missed you. You're not happy I called?"

"You didn't miss me Oikawa. You're calling to bitch about Ushijima."

"Damn, how did you know?" Tōru sighed, hoping his ruse would hold out longer than it did. To be honest, he should have expected as much with Iwaizumi.

"I saw him talking to your kid at school today. Figured I'd get a call from you at some point."

Tōru sat up straight, his son making a noise of protest at the sudden movement. "Sorry," he murmured to the child before returning to his phone call. "Wait, you saw him talking to my son and you didn't think to stop him?"

"No. Now go away, I'm busy."

"Ugh," he groaned. "Can't you at least give me the guys number."

Oikawa was met with an unending dial tone as Iwaizumi cut the call on him. Frustrated, he threw his phone carelessly on the couch beside him. His gaze drifted down to the mess of curls currently cozied up on his lap and his anger cooled almost instantly.

He thought he had escaped his old nemesis after high school, but it seemed his son was now destined to face the same onslaught from the guy as he did.

Curse that bastard Ushiwaka.

i don't know what this was, but i had fun time. also, sorry if some of the stuff is inaccurate, i haven't finished the series yet but i also couldn't get this idea out of my head. hope you enjoyed regardless!