1 week later.

Olivia leaned back in the chair and moments later, she left warm water run down her scalp.

"What was going on with Fitz?" was the question she'd kept asking herself, and him, for the past week but every answer he gave was the same: 'I'm fine,'.

In truth, he did seem fine, if not for his episode, she wouldn't have noticed any difference in him, but, she did see the nightmare and now she was worried. He carried himself in a way that made it easy to forget that he wasn't impervious to things like fear and sadness and trauma. She wondered if it was ptsd, she thought about recommending that he see a therapist but she knew he would just throw it back at her.

The only thing that seemed to keep him sane and happy was when he spent time with Lily, but even that she was beginning to worry about, what if one day he fell asleep beside Lily and had a nightmare, what would happen? How would she casually mention that she feared he might unintentionally harm their child. She felt silly even thinking that way but it was how she felt, she couldn't ignore it.

"I have a special Aloe shampoo, I wanna try, is that okay?" the stylist asked.

"Uh...sure."

"Great...you know, you have great hair, very thick and glossy and soft, you have a mane and I know I always tell you this but that's because it's true."

"Thanks."

Olivia tried to clear her head. It was the first time she was going to be away from Lily and she felt anxious, as if she was going to be leaving apart of herself at home but subconsciously she knew that if she wanted to be a working mom, especially in her line of work, she'd have learn to be apart from her. Even though she would only be gone for a few hours in the afternoon to meet with clients at her showroom, she pumped as much breast milk as she could manage and left it for her greedy two and a half week old daughter.

Thinking about Lily and Fitz, seemed to be taking up all her time.

The stylist wrapped a towel around Olivia's hair and then walked her over to the chair by her bathroom mirror.

"You okay, you seem uneasy?" her stylist Ginna asked.

She'd been seeing Ginna on and off for years whenever she was in the city. She worked at a salon not too far from Olivia's apartment and when Olivia invited her over to give her a blowout at home, she jumped at the chance because she never knew Olivia to be stingy with tips.

"First time leaving the baby and I'm nervous."

"How old is she?"

'"Two and a half weeks and I just feel like the worst mom ever."

"Why?"

"I don't know, she's so young and I have a whole bunch of meetings later that I have to go to."

"Mom's have to leave their babies all the time. You two spent 9 months and two and a half weeks together, if you spend a few hours away you'll be fine, trust me."

"I know but still, I miss her already and I haven't even left as yet."

"Who are you leaving her with?"

"Her dad and the baby nurse and my helper."

"Oh okay, so she'll be more than fine, trust me."

Her words did little to comfort her but she nodded in response and sat back as her stylist blew out her hair into loose curls.

Once she was finished Olivia paid Ginna and waited until she packed all her products and tools up and then she walked her to the door and then walked back to the nursery to find Fitz reading to Lily.

"Hey," she said as she entered the room.

Fitz looked up at her from the rocking chair.

"Are you all done up for later?"

"Yep. what are you two up to?"

"I'm just reading her this story: the three little pigs, who are idiots by the way."

Olivia chuckled and sighed.

"So, I'm gonna be breaking the news to the rest of the team today, that I'm leaving."

"How do you think their gonna take it?"

"I'm not sure, Natalia took it well, she might actually be happy to be rid of us and still keep her job."

"What about everyone else?"

"The only reason I took so long to tell them is because I still don't know, should I keep them on even though we have no clients after today or should I fire them. I'm sure they know though, I'm sure Natalia told them, it's just that I haven't told them."

"Keep them, if you want I can continue paying their salary, I feel like once you settle in L.A. there are so many opportunities out there, you're gonna need them. You can always hire new people but it's good to have people your familiar with."

"I thought about that but it's gonna be hard, back and forth from L.A to New York, I thought about maybe just starting over."

"No, you shouldn't do that, I think you just need a few months to find your footing in L.A and then you can jump right back in, think of it as a brief readjustment period."

"Hmmm, a brief readjustment period, I like that and don't worry, I can afford to pay them, I don't need your money, you're already buying me a house, I'm satisfied."

She walked over to him and took Lily from his arms and kissed her cheek.

"Mum loves you so much, I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone."

Fitz chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"Olivia, you'll only be gone for a few hours during which time, she's gonna be either sleeping or staring at my face and blinking slowly, like she has been doing for like the past half hour while I've been sitting here, stop worrying. In case you don't know this, babies don't do much, it's not like she's gonna get a tattoo and drop out of highschool because you left to go meet with clients for a few hours."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just feel so bad leaving her so young."

"Olivia please, okay, she's gonna be fine."

"I know, I know," she said as she kissed Lily again. "You have to understand though, she's my little baby."

Fitz shook his head and chuckled, "I understand."

She kissed Lily again, "finish reading to her, I bet she loved it," Olivia said as she sat on the ottoman in front of Fitz.

Fitz opened the book to the page he last stopped and began. "Again, the wolf inhaled deeply. And again, when he exhaled-whoosh- the wolf blew the house down leaving a pile of sticks." Fitz chuckled, "Idiots."

"It's not made for you, it's made for little kids who think it's funny."

Natalia walked up to the doorway and knocked on the open door.

"Excuse me Olivia, the interior decorator from California is on the landline for you."

Fitz stretched his arms for Lily, "go talk to him."

Olivia nodded and handed Lily over to Fitz and then headed downstairs to speak with the interior decorator who had been referred to her by Rebecca, her realtor, to furnish her newly bought mansion in the space of two weeks after they'd closed the sale of the house.

After she finished on the 20 minute call, she headed back upstairs to Fitz and Lily, who'd left the nursery and were now in the bedroom, laying on her bed.

She only had an hour left before she had to go to her showroom to meet her staff and her clients.

"So...I'm going to go get dressed," she said as she walked over to the bed.

"Okay."

She lingered which made it obvious to Fitz that something was bothering her.

"What's going on?"

"Oh nothing."

"Okay."

"Well…"

"Here we go," Fitz said with a sigh.

"I just wanted to know if you were...okay?"

"Are we never going to move on from that?"

"I'm just worried, what if you fall asleep beside her and have a nightmare and-"

"Are you suggesting I'd hurt my daughter? Are you crazy?"

Fitz sat up,though he hadn't raised his voice. Lily was laying in the middle of the bed, swaddled in her blanket.

"I'm not saying you would, Im just saying what if it happened?"

Fitz chuckled, "I had one nightmare-"

"That's the thing, if I thought it was just one nightmare, I don't think I'd be this worried but I don't think it was just one, I think they've been recurring."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know that but you won't talk to me so-"

"Olivia I've told you that it was just a stupid dream, I was in the jungle, I was getting attacked by a leopard and I called for your help."

"I think it's insulting that you think I'd believe, being attacked by a freaking leopard in a dream wouldn't scare you like that, I know you-"

"So you're just gonna pick and choose what you believe no matter what I say."

"No-"

"-What's the real reason? Be honest."

She took a deep breath.

"You're a very violent person and I'm afraid that you'll have one of these nightmares and maybe she'll be too close to you or I'll be too close to you and you'll do something you'll regret."

"You know what I hate?" he said as he stood up from the bed, "I hate the fact that you think of me this way. I know that I'm a son of a bitch Olivia, you don't have to keep reminding me-"

"That's not what I'm saying-"

"You're just as bad as me Olivia, you've done things, just as bad as I have and I don't hold it against you, not when it comes to her and I'd just like to be extended the same courtesy."

He sat back on the bed and leaned against the pillows.

"If you really wanna know what the nightmare is about: it's the same thing, most of the time, some way or another, you lead me to my death, that time, you led into a room where I got stabbed to death and you watched and didn't do anything even when I asked for your help. Since you've been dying to know, there it is."

Olivia stood quietly, his words stung like a lash across her back and even as she felt the stinging she tried not to cry but there was no use, the tears rolled down her cheek one after the other.

As Fitz was attempting to get up to try and console her, she turned around and walked out of the room and headed for her closet to get dressed for her meeting at her showroom.

She closed the door behind her as she walked into her half empty closet and pulled off her bathrobe. She had previously put aside a cream Theory wide leg pantsuit for her meeting which she began getting dressed in; only the pants and undershirt until after she finished her makeup then she slipped on her blazer. She still had a bump but her stomach was not big enough to not be noticed by strangers under her oversized blazer although it was nowhere near the washboard abs he had before she got pregnant. She was happy however, that he pre-pregnancy clothes still fit.

Once she was dressed, she grabbed her tan Birkin bag and slipped on a pair of flip flops, she threw her heels in her bag and then headed to her bedroom to kiss Lily goodbye.

When she walked inside, Fitz was no longer sitting on the bed, he was pacing by the window, talking on his phone. She had no doubt he was venting to Lucky because he stopped when he noticed she was in the room.

"Lucky, I'll call you back," Fitz said into the phone as he hung up.

Olivia climbed on the bed to Lily who was sleeping soundly and kissed her on the stomach, just over her belly button, the umbilical cord had fallen out just a few days earlier, which was another emotional event for Olivia, though not as sad and detrimental as it usually felt.

The depression pills were working, she could see a difference in her outlook but it still wasn't where she wanted to be.

"I'll see you in a little while Rose bud."

She kissed her again and whispered, "I love you," then stood up.

"How long are you gonna be gone?" Fitz asked.

"I don't know, it shouldn't be more than three hours."

"Okay...well...you look very beautiful," he said casually.

"Thank you but-"

"-but?"

"I think we need to speak to someone, someone who can help us."

"A therapist?"

"I don't think all this dysfunction and distrust between her parents is good for her and it's not good for us. You don't have to answer right now, I just want you to think on it."

He sighed, "I'll think about it."

"Okay," she said with a nod. She kissed LIly again and then headed down to Trevor so he could drop her to her showroom.

Olivia arrived home at a little after 5 pm, she'd hoped to spend only 3 hours away but one dress had to be altered on the client because she'd gained weight so she had to pull out some of the fabric and it threw her whole schedule off.

Throughout her entire time out, she managed to call Fitz and Natalia every 15 minutes to check on Lily and when finally walked through the door, she kicked off her heels and walked as quickly as she could to find Fitz in the bedroom, feeding Lily on the bed.

"Shit," she said to herself as she stretched for Lily and remembered she hadn't washed her hands. "I'll be right back."

She walked quickly to her bathroom, which was closest to them and washed her hands and then she walked back to her room, pulling off her blazer and throwing it on the ground as she made her way over to the bed.

"She drinks so much faster from the bottle, by the way," Fitz said as he pulled the empty bottle from her mouth as she smacked her tongue against her lips. It took Lily a few seconds to realize the bottle was no longer in her mouth at which point, she stopped sucking.

Olivia took Lily from his arms and kissed her hair and then she rested her against her chest and began gently rubbing circles into her back.

"Hey sweet girl, mum's missed you so much, so so much," Olivia said as she kissed her hair again.

"Well, how did I do, Lily is in one piece, the house is not on fire-which I thought you thought would happen given the fact that you called every 10 minutes."

"Every 15 minutes," Olivia said pointedly. Although on her way out of the house she had told Natalia and the baby nurse to monitor Fitz with Lily, which now what she thought about it, she wondered if she was really worried in the first place, after all, she left LIly in his care for hours, had she truly been afraid, she wouldn't have been able to do that, regardless of who else was in the house. She grew tired of making up things to be afraid of, her paranoia was now significantly less prevalent than the early stages of her pregnancy but it was still affecting her. Her attitude towards Fitz, a prime example.

"Oh, you had a system, I see," Fitz teased.

"Yes."

She kissed Lily again, "oh, I've miss you so much," she said with a smile.

Every time Fitz watch Olivia with Lily, his heart would swell. She had so much love for Lily, in the way she looked at her, the way she fed her, how gently she held her. It was amazing to watch and he found himself grateful everyday that he had them both in his life, no matter how complicated his relationship was with Olivia. She was a completely different woman from the one he met just a year earlier.

"Did you dismiss the nurse?" he asked.

"No."

"I think she was in the nursery, I'll do it."

Fitz quickly left the bedroom and went to the nursery to find the baby nurse.

"Hey Donna, you can head out now, by the way, thanks so much for all your help today, especially with Liv gone."

"No problem, happy to help."

Fitz nodded and walked back to the bedroom. Olivia paced slowly, rocking Lily slowly as she stared into her blue eyes.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"It went well I guess- I don't know, all I could think of was Lily." even as Olivia spoke, she couldn't tear her eyes away from Lily.

"Why, I mean- she was perfectly okay here with me. I had Natalia and the baby nurse to help."

Olivia finally looked up.

"I don't know, I'm a new mom and most of everything I know, I've learned from the internet or the baby nurse, I'm just trying to figure it out as I go and I'm trying to listen to my instincts and today I just didn't feel good leaving her, not because I worried that she wasn't safe with you per se, I can't explain but she's my baby and she's tiny and fragile and so precious, I don't want to be away from her, if anything happened to her while I was away I'd lose my mind."

"Liv, she's a perfectly healthy baby-"

"I'm not talking about health-what if someone came after me but I wasn't here, what if they got her, don't you ever think of that, don't you worry."

"Everyday, but I don't let it consume me. If I spend all my time worrying, how will I get to enjoy my time with her."

Olivia chuckled humorlessly and kissed Lily's forehead.

"I want you to hire more guards when we move to L.A., I want them at the house everyday and night, it's not New York where the streets are busy and we have doormen and crowded buildings, Bel-air is different, I want to feel safe. I want her to be safe."

Fitz walked closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

"Olivia I have a security firm on retainer, same place I got Trevor, I already let them know I'd be needing more guards for L.A.," he kissed her temple affectionately, which he thought nothing of, but to Olivia it was different, "stop worrying, pretty soon the little bags under your eyes are gonna turn into suitcases."

"Hey," she said smiling.

"It's true, you know it."

"You need guards too, you're very wealthy and the C.E.O. of a large and important company, you can't keep walking around by yourself, it's not smart."

"Should I just order the entire national guard?" he joked.

"No, just a few to walk with you."

"I can take care of myself, you know that."

"You have a baby now Fitz, you can't play fast and loose with you life."

"Okay, okay, okay, I'll get some bodyguards," he said with his hands up in surrender.

"Okay."

"Do you want me to hold her while you change?" he asked.

"No, I'm not letting her go for the rest of the evening, she is mine!"

"Okay," he said with a chuckle, "I guess I'll go grab us some food, what do you want?"

"How do burgers sound?" Olivia wondered aloud.

"Good," Fitz sniffed his armpit, "I haven't showered all day, I should probably go do that first."

"You haven't showered all day since you jogged in the morning?"

"I've been watching my kid all day. Don't judge me!" he yelled as he jogged to the bathroom.

The next morning, 5:27 am.

Olivia leaned in the rocking chair as she nursed Lily.

"Hey Liv," Fitz said as he walked into the nursery, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, which was what he usually wore to jog. He'd been jogging every morning since his episode in the night.

Truthfully, they'd been scarce since he flew to New York a week before Lily's birth but now it was back, granted, it was only one but he figured jogging in the morning like he usually did to clear his mind was good way to combat the night terrors.

"How's my girl doing?" he asked.

"Hungry, as always."

Lily had her tiny fingers, barely grabbing against Olivia's breast, but not taking hold, as if she was subconsciously trying to wrestle more milk out.

Fitz chuckled as the sight.

"I hate to admit this but yesterday, when I was feeding her from the bottle, I was playing around and rested it against my chest as if I were breastfeeding her."

Olivia chuckled, "no."

"Yes and I'm gonna be honest, she couldn't tell the difference, she loved it!"

"Yes, she could, she knows mum's breasts different from everyone else, even your fake ones."

Fitz walked over and on the ottoman, "I guess your right," he said with a shrug, "what are you doing today?"

"Packing, I have to call Rebecca, to set up accounts with the utility companies for the house, I have to change my billing address and a few other things."

"Okay-"

"Actually, I've also been looking at activities I can do with Lily once I'm there and they have a really great mummy and me class and baby music class and baby yoga class and so many others, they also have daddy and me class which I think would be really great for you two, I'm gonna sign you up."

"I've never thought I'd ever say this but yeah, sign me up."

Olivia chuckled, "perfect."

She realized Lily stopped sucking and pulled her from her nipple to burp her.

"I've got her," Fitz said as he stretched for her and took her.

"What are you doing today?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing really" he said as he patted Lily's back, "my fucking assistant Cyrus won't stop calling me about meetings."

"Oh, well you're the C.E.O. of the company so…"

"I'm on paternity break! And I'm the rich douche who inherited the company from a trust fund, no one really expects me to anything that great there, trust me, the bar is low."

"Yeah but I think you could be really good C.E.O., if you wanted too."

"I could but I'm okay sliding by on bare minimum...for now, plus our profits are great-"

"No thanks to you," she said sarcastically.

Lily burped and then stretched in his arms.

"Is that it?" he teased Lily.

He then felt small bubbles popping in her diaper and chuckled.

"She just farted on me."

Olivia laughed, "good."

"I feel like she's always throwing up on me and pooping on me, last week she pissed all over my stomach," he said to Olivia and then turned to Lily, "is there something you'd like to say," he held her up up to him, face to face, "is this personal?"

Lily smiled slightly with her eyes fixed on him and then she returned to her expressionless countenance.

"I'm telling you, she understands," Fitz said as he held her against his chest again.

"No, she doesn't, she's just glad she's not hungry and gassy anymore."

Fitz walked Lily over to the changing table and unpinned her onesie, Olivia walked over seconds later.

"So," she began, "have you given any thought to what I asked yesterday?"

"You've only given me a night to think about it, I thought I'd have more time," he responded.

"How much time do you need?"

"I don't know."

"Can you at least tell me how you feel about it?"

He was silent as he pulled the onesie over Lily's arms and head gently, leaving her in just her diaper and socks.

"I'm not looking forward to it."

"Why not?" she asked.

"What's some prick in glasses, sitting in a chair gonna tell us to fix our situation, if I'm being honest, I don't think we're in such a bad place, it could be better, but we'll never have a perfect relationship."

"Fitz you can't honestly think we're in a good place when you're having nightmares about me helping to kill you."

"It was a stupid nightmare, I don't think we should rearrange our lives around it."

"It'll take a toll on you, eventually, we have to figure out away to stop them."

Fitz turned to Olivia, just inches from way face as he stared at her intently, Lily was still laying on the changing table, kicking up her feet.

"They'll stop, sooner or later."

"You don't trust me, they won't stop."

Fitz sighed, "do you really want to talk about this now?"

She pulled her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her hair.

"You can't tell me I'm giving you nightmares and expect-"

"I didn't expect anything when I told you, I always regret telling you things because you make such a big deal about it, you start crying and then you make me feel guilty. Look, I'll deal with my nightmares, don't worry about it."

Olivia sighed.

"I just want us to trust each other. I want you to know that I'll never hurt you, you're my daughter's father-"

"I know that and that's why this isn't a big deal, so stop worrying about it."

"Are you sure you know?" Olivia asked softly, skeptically.

"Yes," he said with a tight lipped smile.

"Okay."

Olivia relented, deciding not to bring it up further, for the time being and went about the rest of her day as planned, packing together racks full of clothes packed in garment bags and boxes of shoes with the help of Natalia and the contractors Fitz hired, to be shipped to her new home in California. She also had her cars shipped out as well. She didn't drive it in the city, mostly because of the traffic but L.A. was drastically different from New York, she would need her cars."

A little after 8pm, Fitz came to in her bedroom. Lily was sleeping in her bassinet beside her bed, if only for an hour or two. She laid in bed, sketching on her pad.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, really, just sketching," she said, looking up at him.

He was fully clothed, as if he was going out.

"I'm gonna head out for a few hours."

"Oh." was all she could say.

"Where the fuck is he going?" she thought to herself.

"I'll see you later," he said as he turned and headed over to Lily's bassinet and kissed her forehead and then he walked out.

Olivia took a deep breath and tried not to get upset. She didn't know where he was going and she didn't want to get worked up over nothing but it wasn't hard to guess what he was going to do: pick up someone to take back to his hotel, while she was sitting at home with Lily, still healing from having given birth less than three weeks earlier. She'd felt like they were getting at a place where their relationship was getting better everyday, she even began to think that with all their issues, romance wasn't impossible.

She waited, begrudgingly, and to her surprise, he was back after only an hour, knowing him, he would need more time if he'd left to screw someone.

She'd heard him downstairs, shuffling around but he didn't come upstairs until almost a half hour later, dressed in his robe.

"I thought you'd be sleeping," he said, "but somehow I thought Lily would be awake."

"Couldn't sleep."

"Why not?" he asked, now standing over Lily's crib.

"What's the one thing you know about me?"

"hmm...I don't know, you're much more emotional than I thought," he teased.

"Paranoid, I couldn't sleep until I knew you were back, it's nighttime anything can happen."

"Now I feel even worse," he said.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably, "why?"

"I was feeling antsy, I haven't smoked in weeks so I met up with a friend to smoke a joint, I showered because I needed to wash the shame of me," he said with a chuckle.

"You smoked? You can't smoke with a baby in the house?"

"Well...technically, I didn't smoke, he smoked, I wanted to but I resisted I just don't really want to take any chances around Lily, I guess I did second hand smoke though, he smoked and I was beside him, breaking up all that good weed air, very relaxing."

Fitz walked over to Olivia and leaned over her, so she could sniff him, "You can't even smell it, you don't even know, you didn't even know, did you? Until I told you."

"You brushed your teeth too?"

He leaned up.

"Yep and washed my hair."

"I don't know how I feel about this."

"It's gonna be fine super mom."

"Ha-ha," she said sarcastically.

Fitz walked back over to the crib but didn't touch Lily.

"Did she wake up while I was gone?"

"She shuffled a little but that was it." Olivia scratched her nose, "wait-what friend did you meet?"

"Oh- Julian."

"Julian who?" Olivia said as she sat, hoping it wasn't who she thought it was.

"Julian from- oh shit. Fuck!"

"Not Julian Casablancas Fitz, not him!"

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

"You're kidding."

Fitz scratched his ear cluelessly, "I don't know, I told you he emails me once a year to see if I'm alive, this time he was in the city and we decided to meet up."

"My favorite rockstar and you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry."

"Unbelieve."

Fitz pointed to the door, "I'm gonna go."

"Yes," Olivia said with a chuckle. "Get out, now, leave. Shame! Shame! Shame!"

Fitz chuckled, "wake me if Lily wakes up."

Olivia nodded and smiled once he disappeared through the doorway.